No, It's Not an Article On "The Onion."

[Abbot Mythos]

"Donald Trump Thanking Ex-Hitman 'Sammy the Bull' Raises Eyebrows"

As per this article:

"Former President Donald Trump thanked ex-hitman Salvatore Gravano on Saturday for speaking highly of him, which has raised eyebrows on social media.

Gravano, also known as "Sammy the Bull," was an underboss for the Gambino crime family in New York City and worked with the United States government as an informant to take down mob boss John Gotti in the early 1990s. Gravano, who confessed to his involvement in 19 murders, was released from prison in 2017 after being sentenced to 20 years for running an ecstasy ring in Arizona."

Now, if I ever do need a "character witness," it would never occur to me to ask for, and/or use an endorsement from any of the following:

1. A hitman, still employed, self-employed, or retired
2. A mafia underboss, still employed, or retired
3. An opportunistic mob informant, still employed, self-employed, or retired
4. A drug kingpin, still employed, self-employed, or retired
5. Any and all combinations of the above

Now, it is true that, under some circumstances, I just might consider using an endorsement from an ex-witness protection program client. But, still ...

Here's a link:      TFG Thanks Dubious "Character Witness"

[Abbot Mythos]

"Mike Lee Says Americans Can Oppose 'Lawlessness' by Voting for Criminally Indicted Trump"

No, this really isn't an article from The Onion.

As per this article:

Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT) said Americans can score a victory for law and order by voting for former President Donald Trump, who is facing 91 criminal counts in four cases.

Lee appeared on Friday's installment of The Ingraham Angle on Fox News, where Laura Ingraham teased an announcement from the senator.

"Senator, I understand that you've decided whom you're going to endorse in the Republican primary," she said. "Are you going to share it with us tonight?"

"Yeah, I have made that decision," he replied. "The American people have a choice to make. In this circumstance, they have a rare, historically unusual chance to choose between two presidents. They have a chance to choose between order and lawlessness. They have an opportunity to choose between putting America first or America last.""

I wonder if The Republicult^TM will be serving more Kool-Aid at the entrances to the polling places.

Here's the link:   Senator Endorse's "Law and Order Candidate"

[Abbot Mythos]

"Florida Man Facing 91 Criminal Counts Wins Iowa Caucuses"

"Donald Trump crushed his Republican rivals."

As per this article:

"Donald Trump just accomplished something he wasn't able to do in 2016—he won the Iowa caucuses. Not long after precinct sites opened Monday night, the networks called the first-in-the-nation GOP race for the former president, who appeared to be cruising to a dominant victory over rivals Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley."

I wish I could write that this was unbelievable. But, it is today's 'Merica.

Here's the link:   The Republicult™ Chose Candidate Facing 91 Criminal Counts in Iowa

[Abbot Mythos]

"Trump's closing argument to New Hampshire: Presidents must be able to commit crimes"

As per this article:

"The president of the United States, Trump told Hannity, "has to have immunity."

"If you take immunity away from the president—so important—you will have a president that's not going to be able to do anything," Trump stressed. "Because when he leaves office, the opposing party—president, if it's the opposing party—will indict the president for doing something that should have been good."

And by something "good," Trump presumably means something like incite a violent riot at the Capitol to interrupt the country's 200-year history of a peaceful transfer of power."

I guess being a criminal defendant, not to mention being a serial civil defendant, can be really tough, even for someone who was once the POTUS.

Here's the link:   Defendant Says POTUS Has to Have Immunity

[Abbot Mythos]

"Snakes: The new, high-protein superfood"

"Pythons are a low-emission, climate-resilient food source, converting feed to protein better than chickens or cattle, new research has found."

As per this article:

"Farmed pythons may offer a sustainable and efficient new form of livestock to boost food security, according to new research from Macquarie University.

A study in two Southeast Asian commercial python farms led by Honorary Research Fellow Dr Daniel Natusch from the School of Natural Sciences, found pythons convert feed into weight gain remarkably efficiently compared with conventional livestock such as chickens and cattle.

"In terms of food and protein conversion ratios, pythons outperform all mainstream agricultural species studied to date," Dr Natusch says.

"We found pythons grew rapidly to reach 'slaughter weight' within their first year after hatching."

Snake meat is white and very high in protein, Dr Natusch says."

Well ... okay ... but, I do have some questions. First of all, what was the old high-protein superfood? Do python farmers/ranchers brand their livestock? And, how do the PETA people feel about this whole python farming/ranching thing? And, most importantly, is it true that python tastes like chicken? And, how is python served anyway? Will Python McNuggets^® be on the menu? Will a special sauce be concocted just for python? Will wearing python leather boots then be considered "Green Fashion", or even become haute couture? I could go on, but you get the idea.

Here's the link to this article:      Snakes: The New, High-protein Superfood

[ein Gefrorener Würfel]

Here is the link to the scientific study behind this:
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-024-54874-4.pdf

Python meat consists of 51% Proteins and you have to feed them just 2.4 times of this amount of protein (they don't eat plants so you would have to consider the amount of protein you had to feed to the animals you feed to your pythons). This is better than Beef (for 83g protein in feed (only plants) 1g protein in beef).

An interesting part is that snakes don't spend so much of their energy on heat production/controll, so the meat producer can substitute this with other forms of energy like electricity generated from the sun.

But of course, compared to Plants...(1g of plant protein is 1g of protein for us)

[Abbot Mythos]

"Tennessee Moves to Classify 'Vaccine Lettuce' as a Drug"

As per this article:

"A bill that would classify as a drug certain foods with vaccine materials added to them was passed by the Tennessee Senate and now awaits Governor Bill Lee's signature into law amid concerns about research on putting immunity boosters into lettuce.

The proposed law, HB 1894, was passed in a 23-6 Senate vote last Thursday after getting the House's green light in a 73-22 vote in early March.

It would classify any food that "contains a vaccine or vaccine material" as a drug under Tennessee law, meaning the food would have to be labeled accordingly. The bill defines vaccine material as a substance intended to "stimulate the production of antibodies and provide immunity against disease."

The legislation would not ban vaccine-imbued foods from being sold in the state but would require them to carry the same sort of medical labeling as injectable vaccines or medications."

Having never seen any 'Vaccine Lettuce' in any of my local grocery stores, I didn't even know it was a thing. And, as per this article, it isn't a thing yet. Now, some might say that the politicians of Tennessee are farsighted. And, by that I mean really, really farsighted. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure those guys have much more important things to worry about at the present time.

Here's the link to this article:      'Vaccine Lettuce' Law Pending Approval

[Abbot Mythos]

"Trump Supporters Show Their Love: 'Real Men Wear Diapers'"

As per this article:

"After noticing a trend of pro Donald diaper merch at rallies throughout this year, I hit up President Trump's latest event in rural Pennsylvania last weekend with the express purpose of seeing if his faithful were still flying their diaper flag. And let me tell you, it did not disappoint.

Not only were there tons of diaper hats, shirts, stickers and actual diapers themselves, but one group had a massive probably six foot "Diaper Don" Flag that they were waving in line."

I admit, I did not see this one coming. But, this rally was held in Schnecksville, PA, a place one has to drive through to get to somewhere else. And, I realize few will get the analogy, but Schnecksville is considered to be the 'Lower Slobbovia' of the Lehigh Valley. So, I guess the fact that this happened in  Schnecksville does make a kind of sense.

Here's the link to this article:      MAGAts Publicly Proclaim 'Real Men Wear Diapers'

[Abbot Mythos]

"RFK Jr. claims doctor said parasite 'ate' part of his brain"

As per this article:

"Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s campaign on Wednesday responded to a New York Times report that described an incident where the independent candidate claimed a doctor told him that a parasitic worm was found in his brain more than a decade ago.
 
In a 2012 deposition during a divorce from his second wife, Kennedy revealed that a doctor found a dead parasite in his brain -- one of multiple health conditions Kennedy said may have caused what he described in the deposition as "cognitive problems" he had experienced at the time, according to according to The New York Times."

And, further along in this article:

"Doctors interviewed by ABC News clarified that these types of parasites don't actually eat brain tissue. Rather, they absorb nutrients passively before dying."

I've heard some people say, 'All publicity is good publicity.' But, this headline leads me to believe that 'some people' are wrong. And, I have to wonder, why are those 'Doctors interviewed by ABC News' so certain that some, or maybe even a lot, of RFK Jr.'s brain wasn't eaten? I mean, I'm not the least bit surprised that this guy has had brain problems.             

Here's the link to this article:      Politician Claims Being Told Part of His Brain Was Eaten

[Abbot Mythos]

"Manchin says he wouldn't serve as Harris VP"

Ooooooooooh, the heartbreak! Woe to democracy!

As per this article:

"Sen. Joe Manchin (I-W.Va.) on Monday said he would not consider serving as Vice President Harris's running mate, arguing it is time for a "new generation" following President Biden's withdrawal from the 2024 race."

Here's the link:   Joe Manchin Bows Out of 2024 VP Race

How can our republic possibly survive?

[Abbot Mythos]

I had a good laugh over this one:

"Lara Trump Whines: How Dare Dems Label Trump As 'Convicted Felon'!"

"Dear RNC, Donald Trump has been convicted of 34 felonies."

As per this article:

"Lara Trump, the nepotism appointment to the RNC, complained to Fox News that the Kamala Harris campaign is labeling her father-in-law a convicted felon."

Here's the link to this article:      Whining over Convicted Felon Labeled Convicted Felon

I wonder if Lara Trump believes there are electoral votes to be won for the Republicult™ in the great state of Denial.

[Abbot Mythos]

"Spinal Tap Is Latest Group To Forbid Trump From Using Its Music"

"Harry Shearer, who plays bassist Derek Smalls in the fictional heavy metal band, posted a demand that the former president not play its song "Sex Farm.""

Here's the link:   Spinal Tap Forbids Play on TSF's Bandwagon

I love it!

[Abbot Mythos]

"Fact Check: RFK Jr. Says Heroin Helped Him Reach Top of His Class"

As per this article:

"Robert F. Kennedy Jr., President-elect Donald Trump's nominee for health secretary, made something of a habit of sharing unusual and outlandish stories from his personal life during the 2024 presidential run.

From claims about brain worms to the bear-cub controversy, Kennedy was the subject of, and admitted to, wild anecdotes that stunned the public.

His more solemn history of substance abuse is well documented and a topic that the would-be health secretary has shared in much detail. However, one claim about his past drug use caught the attention of social media this week, with Kennedy saying heroin helped him reach the top of his classes."

Here's the link to this article:      RFK Jr. Credits Heroin for Academic Success

I don't know about Boston, but weed, speed, and downers were the common street drugs in Philadelphia in his era. And, none of any of that stuff helped anyone I knew achieve much in the way of academic success. On the other hand, cocaine was still very rare, and one had to go to some pretty seedy places to even look for heroin. So, I assume people with lots of money and connections had a much easier time finding "Horse" in Boston.

[Abbot Mythos]

"Florida prosecutor seeks to clear records of people charged with buying police-made crack in 1980s"

As per this real news article:

"FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) — A Florida prosecutor says he will seek to vacate as many as 2,600 convictions of people who bought crack cocaine manufactured by the Broward County Sheriff's Office for sting operations between 1988 and 1990.

The Florida Supreme Court ruled in 1993 that people couldn't be charged in cases where the sheriff's office made the crack cocaine and undercover deputies then sold it to buyers who were arrested and charged.

Broward County State Attorney Harold F. Pryor said Friday that while his office was reviewing old records, prosecutors realized that many people may still have criminal charges or convictions on their records because of the sting operation."

Here's the link:    Floriduh Police Manufactured and Sold Crack Cocaine in the 1980s

Now, this was low, even by Floriduh standards. I guess nothing about that place should surprise me anymore.

[Abbot Mythos]

Not being a fan of 'Merican college football, I honestly thought this was a purely fictional, satirical piece, until I saw article captions about the Pop-Tarts Bowl on some other websites:

"Football Fans Are Making A Pre-New Year's Toast To These 'Deranged,' 'Sexy' Pop-Tart Mascots"

"And now it's time for America's Greatest Tradition: murdering a Pop Tart on live TV."

As per this article:

"Several life-sized Pop-Tarts made it onto national TV on Saturday, and college football fans had a crazy good time with the toaster pastry madness.

The No. 18 Iowa State Cyclones took on the No. 15 Miami Hurricanes in Orlando, Florida, in a bowl game that's cycled through several names over its 30-plus-year history before landing on the Pop-Tarts Bowl last year.

Sports fans meme'd out the bowl game in its first go-around when a smiling, frosted strawberry-flavored Pop-Tart mascot was lowered into what looked to be a massive toaster, and then a giant, edible Pop-Tart slid out of the bottom of the set-up as if the mascot was toasted (they hopefully weren't).

The game's winning team, the Kansas State Wildcats, presumably ate the edible Pop-Tart at the time."

Here's the link:   Highlights from the Pop-Tarts Bowl in Floriduh!

And, of course, where else would a Pop-Tarts Bowl possibly be held, if not in Floriduh?!