I lied.

[Zurtok Khan]

I lied to almost every customer I had today.  Well, all the nice ones anyway.  I'm always happy and bubbly at work (come to think of it, I'm always happy and bubbly whereever I go...well, almost always), but today when I cheerily asked, "How are you doing today?"  and people replied, "I'm not bad, how are you?"  I lied. Except for one time.  Most of the time I say, "I'm not bad."  But that was a lie.  I only told one person the truth (or as close as I can get with words...close enough to kiss the girl I suppose) when I said, "I'm great!"

I even understand why I did it.  But I don't know why I did it.  It's weird, I felt like I was watching myself through a T.V. screen all day.  I relized how beautiful each muscle movement in my body really is, how graceful and well coordinated, and how nice it is to have muscles that move so well.  Well, thats not really the point though.

The point is that I lied.  I lied because I didn't want to be a freak and feel good.  How fucking weird is that?  I was afraid to FEEL GOOD.  I only ever meet one person a day that feels good.  Today it was myself.  ME.  I FELT GOOD...but I was scarred of feeling good.  No, good isn't enough.  GREAT, WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL.  I don't think there are enough words that describe it.  And, I was there cause I chose to be there.

Someone told me today that she was tired.  I almost said, "Being tired's wonderful!  It lets you know you're living, alive!"  But I was too fucking scarred.  I didn't want to say it because it would mean I loved life.  What a fucking freak I must be, ehh?

I like my fear, my dark dank cave of depressing thoughts (none of which are really depressing today).  I'm so used to not feeling good about life that I'm scarred of what people will think if I do feel good about it.




Every muscle movement is practically screaming "HAIL FUCKING ERIS!"

[Horab Fibslager]

i had a whoel coupel month so fthat. was great. had to work with this girl i was in love with who didn't love me back, and aprt of my job i skeeping everyone up and focused, so i'm eatign a shit eater grin and beign a nut.
hateful.

[/o\]

yeah seek help

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

This too shall pass

Enjoy it while it lasts.  You feel how you feel, neither right nor wrong.  It is amazing how much pressure we put on ourselves over feelings, emotions.  If you had a headache, or didn't, would you value yourself more or less depending on that?  Nope.  But if you feel emotional pain or not, then you judge youself.  Judge yourself on your actions, just experience your emotions.  Good or bad they just are.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I lied to almost every customer I had today.  Well, all the nice ones anyway.  I'm always happy and bubbly at work (come to think of it, I'm always happy and bubbly whereever I go...well, almost always), but today when I cheerily asked, "How are you doing today?"  and people replied, "I'm not bad, how are you?"  I lied. Except for one time.  Most of the time I say, "I'm not bad."  But that was a lie.  I only told one person the truth (or as close as I can get with words...close enough to kiss the girl I suppose) when I said, "I'm great!"

I even understand why I did it.  But I don't know why I did it.  It's weird, I felt like I was watching myself through a T.V. screen all day.  I relized how beautiful each muscle movement in my body really is, how graceful and well coordinated, and how nice it is to have muscles that move so well.  Well, thats not really the point though.

The point is that I lied.  I lied because I didn't want to be a freak and feel good.  How fucking weird is that?  I was afraid to FEEL GOOD.  I only ever meet one person a day that feels good.  Today it was myself.  ME.  I FELT GOOD...but I was scarred of feeling good.  No, good isn't enough.  GREAT, WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL.  I don't think there are enough words that describe it.  And, I was there cause I chose to be there.

Someone told me today that she was tired.  I almost said, "Being tired's wonderful!  It lets you know you're living, alive!"  But I was too fucking scarred.  I didn't want to say it because it would mean I loved life.  What a fucking freak I must be, ehh?

I like my fear, my dark dank cave of depressing thoughts (none of which are really depressing today).  I'm so used to not feeling good about life that I'm scarred of what people will think if I do feel good about it.




Every muscle movement is practically screaming "HAIL FUCKING ERIS!"

You might just be on the verge of escaping The Pinkness.  Just get rid of that whole "worrying about what other people will think if you act like yourself" bit.