What is happening. (AKA: UR GH03S7Z NU7Z 1N T3H F0G N00B!!))

[eighteen buddha strike]

I'd like to take this opprotunity to say hello again to one and all, this being the triumphant fanfare to accompany my return to the internet. Its not that I havent missed you guys and the constant entertainment that your ranting and carryings on (not to mention the wailing and gnashing of teeth) provides me with, its just that I've been kind of busy.

You see, not only have I moved across town, and am preparing to do so again... but I also now work in a very strange place, a nightclub. Not exactly my cup of tea, but it pays my rent and the drinks are often free.

A long while, I had promised a thread dedicated to all of the crazy stories of my old house, and while I could not possibly go through the entire history of the place without incriminating at least a couple people... I'll have to save that for another day, when I can figure out exactly how I want to do that without naming names and pointing fingers. I will, at least, give the Powerpad (AKA: Davey Jones Locker, the Gunboat, the Jerkstore, CGNU, and the Future.) a fair requiem.

I will miss a lot of things about that place... the Jolly Roger, the portrait of Robin Hood, the bats, the parties, the shows, the drunk people leaving the Brothers Tavern every night at one o'clock, and the Filth... I'll miss the filth.

Notable events and things that I will miss:

The moshing bat, which flew downstairs in the middle of a bands set and just flew in circles over the dancing crowd while the band was playing, scaring the shit out of a few people.

The time James, Dale, and Kandiss wore SS Uniforms to promcore III. How they avoided getting into a fight that evening is beyond me, but it probably has something to do with them actually putting way to much effort into it.

The time we ripped one of the bathroom doors off its hinges and had fun throwing it back and forth, eventually breaking my finger (which is still bent, even to this day.)

The time we ripped one of the bedroom doors off of its hinges, drew a portrait of jeromes rabbit on it, and threw knives at that rabbit until Jerome got home.

The time Jerimiah broke a lawn gnome over Jeromes knee, who responded by throwing him down a flight of stairs (jerome is a pacifist, but even he has a breaking point.)

The time we stood out on the front porch with the bullhorn and sang the blues at two o'clock in the morning, until somebody in the neighborhood got on his bullhorn and kindly asked us to stop.

The time we saw two SUV's engage in a running gunfight while they drove down farnam street.

The way james used to watch the taco bell drive-through from his room through the scope of his rifle.

That one time I was smoking weed in the attic wondering what all the noise was downstairs, only to find out later that Joseph and Pat had started a riot in our living room during the Bright Calm Blue show.

The time Anal Blast played, and Dom Deckard turned out to be surprisingly well spoken.

Pissing off the roof.

The time we burned the nintendo powerpad in the tank of the toilet that was sitting in our backyard, how it crackled and popped for an hour and chunks of porcelain would fly off in random directions until eventually all was left was the bowl of the toilet and a bunch of blackened and burned up plastic.

The time Joseph burned a honey-baked ham in the remains of the toilet.

The time, a week after the ham burning, that Patrick took pieces of that ham and threw them up on the roof only to have it roll back down and land with a sickening thud... for about two hours.

The time James thought he saw a ghost, an incident leading to the legendary Keith Binder quote of "YO SEE THROUGH BITCH< WHERE YOU IS!"

The way we spraypainted the entire basement in gang graffity and SLAYER tags.

The time we set up the kiddie pool in the living room, and sat inside of it so we could watch gunsmith cats... and the way the water was filthy and brown when we got out.

The time we made rock stew. Actually, it was a grog made from boiling lots of cinnamon and apples, but we put some rocks in it just because we thought it "needed more earth."

The time I did a pull up on one of the ledges that overhung each door, and then it broke causing me to fall about four feet straight onto my ass. Luckily for me, I dont think I broke my tailbone, but it still hurt like a bitch.

The way that the bats used to make scratching noises in the wall right next to my head every night when I'd try to go to sleep. They lived in the chimney and hung from the ivy that grew on our house, and I loved them dearly.

Talking to the crackheads/homeless people that walked through the neighborhood randomly trying to sell you watches at three o'clock in the morning. Sometimes they'd try to sell or purchase drugs. Sometimes they'd ask for money, and sometimes they'd try to solicate sex. We lived down the block from a dive hotel.

Walking into the living room to find two guys trying to unhook the TV, watching them silently leave the instant they noticed me, then standing there bewildered for a minute or two until james came downstairs with his AK looking for gun oil unaware that any of this had even happened.

The time we stole all of Analogs shirts and burned most of them, just because they deserved it.

The way nobody would wash dishes, which led to a serious problem with flies one summertime and caused me to NEVER cook food or even think about using the kitchen for anything.

The way Crystal Jo Guerrero got a dog, even though she had to work full time and couldnt take care of it, even though we didnt have a yard for it to run around in, even though having one was forbidden by our lease, even though nobody in the house had time during the day to watch it, even though I specifically told her that it was a bad idea and I didnt want to live with a dog for all of the above reasons... and it turned out to be far worse than I could've possibly imagined. It makes me happy, sometimes, thinking about how her name was on the lease for this place. May her debt be turned over to a collection agency.

Thats all I got right now... sleepytime.

[East Coast Hustle]

welcome back.