LMNO-PI

[LMNO]

I lost it.


The entire next chapter.


FUCK MICROSOFT WORD, FUCK THIS SUBSTANDARD COMPUTER THEY'VE MOVED ME TO, AND FUCK JOHN HANCOCK!



AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!


I FUCKING HATE HAVING TO DUPICATE A PIECE OF WRITING!

It always sounds way too forced, and i always feel like i'm missing something.





Fuck.

I guess Eris didn't like that chapter.  But I sure as shit did.

Look for temp files, some of it is likely saved somewhere, send me a PM if you need more help :idea:

[Polanski]
Forget it, Eldora.  It's Chinatown.
[/Polanski]

Company wide malfunction.  all files corrupt.  ACCESS DENIED.  etc etc.

[Malaul]

::huuuuuuuuuuugs::

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

[Polanski]
Forget it, Eldora.  It's Chinatown.
[/Polanski]

Company wide malfunction.  all files corrupt.  ACCESS DENIED.  etc etc.

Yuck.  I am so glad my office isn't big enough for that nonsense.  Let me know if there is anything I can do.  If you have your own PC, you may have some scraps left on your own hard drive.  If you just have a terminal, with everything on a mainframe, you're probably fux0red.  Man, I did an internship for NOAA, but mostly, I learned how to play cribbage because the system was down so much.  Seriously, though, let me know if there is anything I can do.  Your story is worthy.

[LMNO]

Editor's Note:  Due to a cataclysmic malfunction, today's  chapter of "LMNO-PI" has been forced to reduce it's normal word count by half.  Rest assured, dear reader, that future chapters will be as abundant as ever.  And now, on with the story.












,ÄúWhere the FUCK have you been?,Äù

Malaul crossed the final three yards between us with one bound, and she was up in my face.  ,ÄúYou think you can just walk in here, after slipping a way like that--,Äù

,ÄúHi, Mal, I--,Äù

,ÄúDon,Äôt give me any of your sweet talk, L!  I know you too good for that.  Don,Äôt think you can just waltz in here,Ķ Mrurrrrrrr,Ķ,Äù  Quicker than a blink, she grabbed me, pulled me to her, and kissed me.  

She smelled like the desert, rich with heat, with the ever-looming sense of danger, and death.  She tasted like chocolate and coffee.  Her claws dug into my back, and her tail wrapped around my leg.  I,Äôll never get used to that tail, I thought.  I eased back into the kiss, like a song you only remember at dawn.  Her rough tongue lapped at me, as I did my best to avoid cutting myself on her teeth.

Abruptly, she let me go, and I stumbled, trying to catch my breath, and my balance.  Malaul had noticed Erin, and her eyes narrowed into slits.  Uh oh.  

,ÄúL,,Äù she breathed.  ,Äúdon,Äôt tell me you brought one of your new sluts into this place, after al this time.,Äù  Her sharp teeth glinted in the light.

Erin glared back.  ,ÄúLook, whoever-you-are.  No one calls me a slut and gets away with it.,Äù

Malaul laughed, and swiped at Erin,Äôs face, her claws missing by a centimeter.  Erin flinched; Malaul smiled.  ,ÄúWe can settle this right here, bitch.  We can charge admission as everyone watches me tear strips from your skin.  Won,Äôt be the first time.,Äù

I decided it was time to step in.  ,ÄúMal.  Mal.  She,Äôs a client.  I,Äôm on a case.,Äù

,ÄúThe hell you are.,Äù

,ÄúSeriously.  This is Erin.  Erin, Malaul, the Caffeinatrixx.  Mal, Erin has been getting strange calls, and her phone just turned into a face-raping bat an hour ago.,Äù  I took a chance, and reached up to scratch Malaul behind the ears.  Her claws withdrew to wherever they go.  

,ÄúMurrr,Ķ So why are you here?"

,ÄúOver at the Open Bar, Aini said that the phone was directed to go here.  Probably from one of the open terminals.,Äù  At Aini,Äôs name, Malaul,Äôs ears flattened back, and she scowled.  

,ÄúAnd you believe her.  Hmph.  Well, I guess that,Äôs the risk you run when you run an open source caf?©.  The logs are in the back.  You two want something to drink while you wait?,Äù

,ÄúEspresso, with a splash of grappa.  Erin?,Äù

,ÄúJust plain coffee, please.  Black.,Äù

Malaul laughed.  ,ÄúHoney, in here, it,Äôs never plain.,Äù  She walked to the end of the caf?©, gliding in only the way a woman whose knees bend backward can.

[Malaul]

           


my my my

can I just say again how much i LIKE this story?


Murrrr Indeed

[Malaul]

Im gonna condense the story into one post ok?
so we can all reay dit stright through

[LMNO]

Do as you see fit, darlin'...

[Mangrove]

uh ohh....the chapter with OB is missing...

[LMNO]

(it's a conspiracy)

[Malaul]

uh ohh....the chapter with OB is missing...

are you serious?

[Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ]

sorry...i ate it

[The Open Bar]

<hugs Mal>

i found it! i found it!  

<happy bar dance>

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

<hugs Mal>

i found it! i found it!  

<happy bar dance>

::stabs the bar::

[LMNO]

Watching Malaul disappear behind the swinging doors of the Caf?©'s kitchen, Erin turned to me and said, "You seem to know her quite well."

"Well, Mal was the original and Lead Tantrist involved in creating the Open Bar.  I met her just before she started work on that.  She's spent much of her life exploring the various sensual disciplines, like Tantra, Taoist sexual techniques, the Kama Sutra, Thelemite sex magic, and the like.  The Hackers were lucky to find her.  That was one of the last projects she did before the change."

"Projects?  Change?"

"Well, as it turns out, after years of practice and personal fulfillment, Malaul decided to share with the world.  She had so much excess Kundalini energy, she dedicated herself to, essentially, recharge humanity's Orgone batteries.  The Hackers convinced her to use that extra energy in constructing the Bar.  Soon after that, she went in for genetic body modification."

"..."

"Yeah, you didn't think all that was simply prosthetics, or grafted on, did you?  That goes down to the genetic level.  As it turns out, when you alter your DNA, the chakras move as well, and the act of raising Kundalini changes.  Mal was thrilled, for she had new worlds to explore."

"So why is all of this taking place in... well, places like this?"

"I figure it's half a joke.  The whole college/university/bohemian thing not only creates a relaxed environment for the participants, but what Cop in their right mind is going to try to monitor a coffeehouse like this, and attempt to filter out what's a real conspiracy, what's simply stream-of-thought bullshit, and what is actually coded messages?  It adds a level of security, all neatly wrapped up in unpredictable chaos.  You can't get a better system of disinformation that a bunch of pseudo-intellectuals sitting around getting jacked up on coffee."

Through the din and the crowd, I could see Malaul walking back with our drinks.  Setting them down, she said, "Well, I hate to admit it, but Aini's right.  Whoever was using the terminals tried to hide their tracks, but I think I can get some information out of it.  I'll get one of my boys to work on it."  She glanced at me, and turned her head towards Erin.  "Sorry about all that earlier.  You know how it is."

Erin smiled thinly.  "I suppose."

"Oh, don't be like that."  Malaul looked Erin up and down slowly, and arched an impossible eyebrow.  "You know, L," she said, never taking her eyes of Erin, "I have a few... experiments... in back that I'm sure both you and... Erin would be interested in."

"Tempting, Mal, but she really is a client.  Maybe next time?"

She sighed.  "I suppose.  You just stay here, and enjoy your coffee.  I'll send a boy out when the information surfaces."  Malaul walked back to the end of the caf?©, catching the eyes of several patrons along the way, and disappeared in the crowd.  Erin sipped her coffee.

"My god!"

"I know.  It's almost criminal to have something this good."

"Starbucks should be burnt to the ground."

"Don't think it hasn't been tried by the Church of Foamy."

Just then, the door burst open, and dozens of people spilled in the door, making a hell of a racket, carrying bottles of rum and whiskey.  They were mostly unkempt, disheveled, drunk, and had a crazed look in their eyes.  They ran for a corner, and began chanting, "A challenge!  Hear, hear!  Who now wants to challenge us!  They shall be destroyed!"  The Caf?©'s  other customers began giving them room, some hastily grabbing cups of their precious coffee and trying their hardest not to be noticed.

I stood up.  "We better move somewhere a little quieter."

"What's the matter?"

"Didn't you hear that?  5-7-5.  They're starting a Haiku Battle."

The yelling intensified, and I noticed more then a few of them looking at us.  Too late, I thought.  The chant shifted.  "It's LMNO!  You should know better than that, to come back in here!"  They streamed out , forming a rough circle around us.  I turned to Erin.  "Sit tight, and keep your head down, this may get messy."

I slowly turned in a circle, until I found the greasy-haired degenerate I was looking for.  "Hello Paul.  What's this?  A glutton for punishment?  I don't have all day."

The crowd cheered.  The Battle was on.

[agent compassion]

Oh ye Gods, a haiku battle....

::dies laughing::