LMNO-PI

[LMNO]

Chapter 17: We have met the Noodle, and she is, um,Ķ

Horribly angled branches, with gnarled twigs grasping at the gloom passed by the window.  Anyone else, from any other part of the world, would immediately proclaim this place as haunted.  The too-close stacked trees gave birth to illusions of skulking movement, while sinister patterns in the bark made blasphemous hieroglyphics, incomprehensible warnings to anyone stupid enough to stay the night.

But we were from The City, and to us, if felt like a homecoming.  Erin sat up, the empty tequila bottle rolling off her supple thighs and hitting the car floor with a muted ,Äúbonk,Äù.

,ÄúOh,Ķ this is more like it.,Äù  She stretched her arms languidly, like a cat after being stuffed in a carrier for hours.  ,ÄúThat tequila really seemed to help,Ķ but now there,Äôs a problem.,Äù

,ÄúWhat,Äôs that?,Äù

,ÄúI am fucking horny,,Äù she drawled, as her hand reached out & began sliding its way up my thigh.  ,ÄúI guess I should have told you what tequila does to me, but I was way too far gone to care at the time.,Äù

,ÄúDammit Erin,,Äù I said, ,ÄúYour sense of timing absolutely sucks.  We have to get to the next treeline in under an hour.,Äù  The trees seemed to press upon us, reach out to the econobox, but somehow, it felt like an embrace.  Not as much as an embrace than Erin,Äôs palm placed firmly in my crotch, however.  Erin leaned in close, smelling of sex and tequila, and kissed me gently on my neck, then nibbled lightly.  I was definitely beginning to respond.  Maybe it wouldn,Äôt hurt to take a short break, I thought, as Erin pressed up against me, her soft skin rubbing against my shirt.

,ÄúL, c,Äômon, I know you,ÄîHOLY SHIT!,Äù  

I felt a sickening pain in my gut as she clenched her fist in reflexive terror, and an equally sickening sense of dread, as I saw what was in the road.  It was a barricade, but a barricade made up entirely of limbs.  Not tree limbs: It seemed like it was everything but tree limbs.  Cow legs, deer legs, dog legs,Ķ but mostly human.  Severed arms, dripping stumps of leg; feet, both bare and with shoes.  It was pretty gross.  I pulled the econobox left, hard, trying to avoid a collision, but the mass of appendages spanned the whole road, and the trees seemed to bunch together, forming a wooden wall, sharp branches jabbing out like spears.  The front right fender slammed into the meat pile with a wet Thud, and my face slammed into the steering wheel.  Just like a clich?©, everything went black.

I came to only a few seconds later, my cheek warm & wet, and Erin shaking my arm.  It seems the econobox had web safety, so she had the dubious privilege of her torso being held firmly to the seat by a tight mesh of plastic threads, with only her arms free to move.  It certainly showed off her figure.

I was feeling a bit woozy, but managed to thumb the web release on the dashboard, and Erin breathed a sigh of release as the threads snaked back into the seat.  ,ÄúDamn,,Äù she muttered, ,Äúthat was worse than a steel corset.,Äù

I managed a grin.  ,ÄúI,Äôd love to see you try that sometime.,Äù  I opened the door, and motioned to her.  ,ÄúYou,Äôd better come out this way, I,Äôm not sure you want to go out your side.,Äù  The econobox was partially buried in the limb blockade, making exit impossible, a grisly mess pressed up against the side window.

Erin climbed over the seat, and gingerly checked herself out next to the car, testing for any broken bones or bruises.  I could tell I had a pretty bad cut on my face, but apart from that, I seemed to be fine.  I walked around to the back, opened the case with the neuro-disruptor, and jammed an energy cell into the hilt.  There was a momentary high pitched whine, and then silence.  I made sure the mystery letter Stain gave me was still in my pocket, and walked back around to Erin.

,ÄúOk,Ķ what the hell is this!,Äù  She pointed to the mound of flesh.

,ÄúI can only figure it,Äôs one of 5 things.  One: Another utopian community has bitten the dust.  Two: Someone,Äôs got a really weird fetish.  Three: Noodle,Äôs run for Prezitator has gotten,Ķ extreme.  Four:  Someone has a fucked-up idea of a practical joke.  Five: Whoever,Äôs writing the script of our lives right now doesn,Äôt know how to write the part of Noodle, and they,Äôre stalling for time.,Äù

,ÄúWait.  Repeat that last one again?,Äù

,ÄúNever mind.  More esoterica.  What,Äôs important here is that we get the hell away from this pile of meat before we,Äôre spotted.,Äù

,ÄúWhy? Aren,Äôt you and this Noodle character supposed to be friends?,Äù

,ÄúYou think this entire Mountain is under her control?  No way.  I mean, she,Äôs certainly trying, but there,Äôs waaay too much terrain up here to cover.  And believe me, there,Äôs a few groups ,Äòround here you do not want to mess with.,Äù  I hoisted the disruptor.  ,ÄúI,Äôd tell you to stay behind me, but I doubt it would do much good, as most of these fuckers already know how to play in 3 dimensions.,Äù

,ÄúWhat the hell do you mean,Äî,Äù

From out of the trees, what sound led like from all sides, came a unified shout: ,ÄúSUBMIT FUCKERS!  FOR I AM AWESOME!,Äù  And then a shot, loud.  And another.  I heard the thick squelch of a bullet tearing into the pile of dead limbs, and I grabbed Erin, pulling her low to the ground.  I fired the disruptor straight ahead of me, and got lucky.  A scream, and the sound of a body falling to the ground.  I pushed Erin ahead of me.  ,ÄúRun!  That way!  Now!,Äù

We almost made it to the edge of the road.  Two large figures leapt from the upper branches of the trees, slamming into us with little grace, but much force.  I saw Erin crumple, as my head slammed into the ground.  The last thing I heard before the dark world of unconsciousness robbed me of my senses was, ,ÄúI don,Äôt like spiders and burritos are cool.  I want to break little glass people right now.  Whales remind me of spleens.,Äù

Well, I guess we found her, I thought.

***     ***     ***     ***     ***

[Cain]

,ÄúSUBMIT FUCKERS!  FOR I AM AWESOME!,Äù

10/10. Even if you are stalling for time.

[LMNO]

Heh.  Thanks.

[Mangrove]

JOY!

[East Coast Hustle]

yeah, that was pretty fucking dope, L. Here's hoping it doesn't take another 6 months for the next chapter.

[Mangrove]

Don't worry, I've got it covered  

[cracks whip]

[Bella]

Cool.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

He'll probably make us wait another half year, the sadistic bastard.

[Z³]

I finally sat down to read this... and I think its not bad.

[Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ]

yaaay! lovely! now WRITE MORE...OR ELSE I'LL.....DO SOMETHING...UM....SOMETHING!

[agent compassion]

::does something::

Hahaaaaa, beat you to it!

[LMNO]

Ow!

[LMNO]

Chapter 18: Things get Ugly.

Darkness.  I was pretty sure my eyes weren't blindfolded.  My hands were bound, and sounds were muffled.  A low rumbling, plus a steady vibration in the floor told me I was probably in the trunk of a car.  What confirmed it was feeling a lurch, the squeal of brakes, and getting thrown roughly into another body.  The smell of her, that sweet, bitter smell of Cinnamon and sadness let me know it was Erin.  Her body was still warm, and I felt her take a breath, but she was so still...

"Erin?  Erin, c'mon, wake up."  No response.  I could hear shouting now, and then the distinctive report of gunfire.  A lot of gunfire.  Shouts became screams, and I could hear whatever vehicle we were in getting hit.  Suddenly, there was a muffled, but very loud explosion, and the vehicle lurched.  The screams stopped.

Silence.  Darkness.  The crunching sound of footsteps, drawing near.

There was the creaking and groaning of bent steel, and then a brilliance that left me as blind as before.  Hands grabbing me, dragging me up, then throwing me down.  Heard Erin's body hit the ground beside me with the sound of a sack of dropped meat.  Struggled to make out a face, but it was only dark silhouettes.  A boot kicked me.  A fist hit my face.  A rapid succession of blows, I was unsure of means or weaponry.  A sharp crack on the back of my head.

Darkness again.

I awoke to cool, rough stone under my cheek.  Trying to move no more than possible, I cracked my eyelids.  I saw the hem of Erin's shirt.  Then I felt the toe of a boot in my back.  "I saw that," a gruff voice spat.  It sounded like oil-soaked gravel, full of hate and spite.  "Get your ass up, big boy."  Hands grabbed me, and thrust me into a chair.  I could see we were in a cave of some sort, or maybe a room shaped like a cave.  Or a cave converted into a room.  Either way, the floor and walls were made of rough hewn stone, and there was a door stuck in the wall on the left.  Opposite the door was Erin's limp body, curled upon itself like a wounded animal.  She still wasn't moving.  The voice spoke up behind me, vicious and reptile.  "Looks like this one's formed an attachment.  Let's give him a lesson about Universe."  A man in drab army pants and heavy boots walked past me.  He wore no shirt, but had a tight fitting black hood covering his head and face, leaving only his eyes visible.  He grabbed Erin around the waist, and hauled her up to her feet.  Her eyes fluttered.  "L," she asked, her eyes full of pain and confusion.  "What's going on?"

The voice behind me, dripping with malice, said, "Did someone say the animal could talk?"  The man holding  Erin threw her into the wall.  Her shoulders and back hit, and she started to slide into a heap again.  Before her knees could fully buckle, he swung his fist into her stomach, throwing her back into the wall again.  His left hand shot out, grabbed her throat, and proceeded to lift her upright.  Erin's breath was ragged and constricted underneath his hand.  He curled his arm into his chest, turning Erin around, facing the wall.  His right arm shot forward, connecting between her shoulder blades, as he simultaneously let go of her throat.  Erin was thrust, face first, into the wall.  Her scream as the sharp hooks of the unfinished raw rock tore into her skin was unbearable.  I could see the red stain on the wall from where her nose broke, and the smear where her cheek gave way to the rock.  Her torturer grabbed her by the hair, pulled hard, and shoved her face into the wall once again.  He laughed at Erin's low moan of pain.

"Ok, stop.  Seriously, I'll tell you what you need to know, freely.  You don't have to do this," I said.

"I don't think you get it, Little One," said the voice behind me.  "We don't care.  That's how life is, sometimes.  No matter what you do, the things you care for are destroyed."

The man in front of me pulled a knife from the sheath in his belt.  It was long, slightly curved, edged on both sides, and looked like it was flaked with rust.  But I knew it wasn't rust.  With the other hand still in her hair, he half dragged, half threw her onto a wood and steel table directly opposite the chair I was sitting in.  The edge of the table struck her in the stomach, and she folded neatly in half, her face once again slamming down.  He lip split, her teeth stained red, like pearls dipped in raspberry preserves.

The hooded man placed the knife at the small of Erin's back, and slid it upwards along her spine.  She gasped, and her blouse and bra fell away from her shoulders.  A thin red line scored up her back, and then slowly began to bead and ooze small threads of blood.  "You like that move?" the voice in my ear said.  "One stroke, and the blade cuts her shirt, bra, and skin, all at the same time."

"You fucking asshole," I growled.  "Stop it!  She's got nothing for you!"

"I don't think you understand, yet.  We don't care.  You can plead, you can beg, you can offer us money, you can even threaten us.  Universe doesn't care.  Sometimes, truly awful things happen.  Like this for example."  I felt a hand on my left wrist, and one on my shoulder, and then whoever was behind me rammed their knee into the back of my elbow.  It gave way with a sickening crack, as my arm filled with pain.  The man before me was now sliding his knife down Erin's leg, peeling back her pants, but caring little for the pale, delicate skin underneath.  I could see tiny cuts and gashes in her calf & thigh where the knife dug in a little too deep.  When he grabbed the waistband of her pants, she came to her senses just enough to struggle.  With a laugh, he twisted her arm behind her back, and raised her up off the table.  For a moment, you could see her, topless, blood from her face dripping onto her perfect breasts, a look of desperate horror in her eyes, and then he slammed her against the table again.  Her face bounced off the unforgiving steel, and her shoulder dislocated with an audible pop.  As Erin howled with pain, the man just laughed, and with a savage pull, tore her pants off.

The voice whispered in my ear, as the sickening pain in my arm matched what I was watching, "you see?  There is nothing you can do.  You are helpless in an uncaring Universe, which will crush your body, and your spirit.  Watch. Watch and learn something about the Universe you live in."

The man with the knife wrenched Erin's dislocated arm above her head, and without a word slammed the knife through the back of her hand and into the wood, pinning her like a butterfly in a sadistic collector's menagerie.  Erin turned her head sideways, looking at me, and screamed, only to be silenced by a fist, breaking her cheekbone.  The hooded man stepped back, began unzipping his pants with one hand, as with the other, he jammed his fingers into

The Editors have agreed:  There is no way we are letting you read the rest of this.  Go and read something more pleasant, like American Psycho, or The 120 Days of Sodom.

In case you were wondering, we called the author's fianc?©e, and she's doing just fine.  

though, because at that point it was more exposed muscle tissue than skin.

Eventually, they stopped.  I couldn't tell if it was hours, or days later.  The hooded man stepped back, picked up his pants, and started wiping off parts of Erin onto them.  The unrecognizable heap on the table that used to be her would quiver every now and again, but other than that there was no sound, no movement.

As for me, I guessed I had about a dozen broken bones, including my ribs, left arm, and right leg and foot.  I had cuts and bruises all over my body, but I wasn't paying attention to what my body was screaming at me.  My eyes were on the table, and what was on it.  The door opened, and more hooded men entered.  As they grabbed Erin's body and dragged it out of the room, my tormenter, with that voice, said, "I hope this has been a valuable lesson for you.  Tomorrow, we let you go.  We hope you will do your best to incorporate this experience into your philosophical world view:  Universe simply doesn't care, about you, or anyone else, no matter how hard you may want it to, and no matter how righteous you feel in your heart."

"Go fuck yourself."

"That's the spirit."

He left the room, and everything went dark.

[Bella]

You know this chapter is just sad, right?
But it's still killer good.

[The Open Bar]