Dear People of the World

[Zurtok Khan]

Dear People of the World,

I am writting you this letter because I am fed up with your mass neurotic behavior.  Not that any of you will really understand, but I suppose it will make me feel better to say it.

America:  

You sit on your fat ass all day and watch your screens going "boing!" at work, then you go home and watch a bunch of the "interesting" or "beautiful" people on TV acting for your amusment.  Reality TV should be destroyed.  If you need to so desprately feel some kind of emotion, WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO THE FAT LUMP OF LARD YOU CALL A HUSBAND OR WIFE WHO IS SITTING NEXT TO YOU?  These people on TV do these things for the money, not for your amusement.  They think you are as idiotic as they think you are for watching such trash.

China:

Control is not love.  Control is not healthy for the people being controled.  Communism is a dictatorship attempting to show it'sself as benevolent.  You cannot control human behavior.  Get over it.  You're not really Communists anyway.  You're a bunch of fucking retards playing at political idea's that were dead before they began.  Utopia does not exist.

N. Korea:

Same goes to you.

Europe:

I'm glad you have your fierce independance.  Or whatever you're happy to call it.  You are not so fucking important, just because you "ruled" (i.e. destroyed) the world for so many years does not make you better then anyone else.

Africa:

I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that everyone else is too fucking blind fighting their puny wars over oil to give you more then pity.

Religious Fanatics Everywhere:

You aren't getting your 10 virgins.  You're not going to heaven.  You will reap what you sow.  And you are sowing the seeds of hate.  You will get what you give.  Or, at least I hope you do.  That's what you deserve.  If you were what you profess to be, you'd be helping Africa.  Or something equally worthy.  You DO have the power, despite the fact you choose to use it for solely selfish means.

- Zurtok Khan

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Goddamn!

You should be sainted. Or KSCed. (Though I wouldn't want to wish the horror of KSCdom on anyone.)

[Zurtok Khan]

What would I do with Sainthood, Hugh my dear?  I can do all that anyway.  Sainthood is when you're dead for a very good reason.  It's to remember people who tried to do something good (even if they sometimes had a bad idea about what is good) because they went out and actually changed something.  If you make men saints while they are alive, then what hope have they for death?

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

What would I do with Sainthood, Hugh my dear?  I can do all that anyway.  Sainthood is when you're dead for a very good reason.  It's to remember people who tried to do something good (even if they sometimes had a bad idea about what is good) because they went out and actually changed something.  If you make men saints while they are alive, then what hope have they for death?

Come on. You know about Discordian Sainthood:

First, you have to be either alive or imaginary.

Second, you have to like sex.

Third, you have to like drinking.

Forth, you must fart at times.

Fifth.....I forget. I am not that religious, you know.

[Zurtok Khan]

I'm not much of a farter, but close enough I suppose.

I'm still immoraly opposed to sainthood, though, on the basis that I didn't invent it.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

I'm not much of a farter, but close enough I suppose.

I'm still immoraly opposed to sainthood, though, on the basis that I didn't invent it.

Who do you think She What Done It All is?

You can't blame Her for dressing in drag and all that Yahweh/Allah/ Jesus stuff.

[agent compassion]

Come on. You know about Discordian Sainthood:

First, you have to be either alive or imaginary.

Second, you have to like sex.

Third, you have to like drinking.

Forth, you must fart at times.

Fifth.....I forget. I am not that religious, you know.

Whoa, those are all easy....