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Great Opening Lines

Started by unlike_someone, August 11, 2005, 06:22:42 PM

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unlike_someone

This book is actually wonderful (too bad it's out of print, but I think you can still find it on amazon...ISBN 1-56504-107-0) there is another really good story in here entitled "The Raw and the Cooked" by Michael Green.

You have to read the whole thing to get the twisted aspect of the story, however my favorite line from this story goes:

"The chaste maidens who tended the temple's grills and perpetual fires would remove the girl's body soon after she died."

Doesn't seem all the odd, but it's about a place called "Mr.Wally's," a fast-food chain. I like weird stories... I kind of aspire to write strange tales myself. I might post a link to one of my completed short stories... maybe for some constructive (or destructive) opinions.
- some inertly chaotic chick

  "I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!' " --Bruce Baum

Buddha's Ghost Penis

WE WILL READ THEM WITH ZEAL AND SQUEAL! WEEEEOOOOO!
WHY DID YOU BAN ME!?!?!

Ahab the Atrocious

"The last word in this book will be Po-tweet!"  
                    -Slaughterhouse Five, by Kurt Vonnegut

The beatiful part is, the guy follows through with the promise. I suppose, in a way, it's the ultimate spoiler...
Captain Ahab the Atrocious | Petty Lietenant of Lesser Evils | Former Scourge of FruOp De'tat (who turned out to be a sea-water induced hallucination) | Bearer of the Crest of the Insufferable Bastard | Ringmaster General of the Cirkus Politik | Generally Surly Goat-Worshiping Mount Yeti | Harbinger of the Eight Neural Circuit | Thunkheaded Bastard Pope of Avignon | Briggadier Postmaster | Architect of the Tower of Rabble | Grand Llama Sureheisembossed | GUF:.EA Enslavedmind in Chiefly | Scoffing Heretic in the Nth Degree | Designated Patsy for Shadowy Organizations Whose Mere Name Would Most Certainly Give You a Miserable Case of the Willies | Socky F*cker in the Midfield | Tenured Professor of Environmental Eschatology | All-Around High Muck-A-Muck of Everything Anyone Has, Had, or Will Experience | Officer of the Brain Police--Internal Affairs Division | All that Glitters (Including Garbage Overflowing with Glittery Paint) | Sinecured Cultural Attache from the Dog Star Sirius |

Ahab the Atrocious

Possibly my all-time favorite bit to grab the reader's attention:

"It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on Earth has ever produced the phrase, 'as pretty as an airport.' Airports are ugly. Some are very ugly. Some attain a degree of ugliness that can only be the result of a special effort."    -Douglas Adams, from The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul


Another good Douglas Adams quote? "They hung in the air in much the same way that bricks don't."
Captain Ahab the Atrocious | Petty Lietenant of Lesser Evils | Former Scourge of FruOp De'tat (who turned out to be a sea-water induced hallucination) | Bearer of the Crest of the Insufferable Bastard | Ringmaster General of the Cirkus Politik | Generally Surly Goat-Worshiping Mount Yeti | Harbinger of the Eight Neural Circuit | Thunkheaded Bastard Pope of Avignon | Briggadier Postmaster | Architect of the Tower of Rabble | Grand Llama Sureheisembossed | GUF:.EA Enslavedmind in Chiefly | Scoffing Heretic in the Nth Degree | Designated Patsy for Shadowy Organizations Whose Mere Name Would Most Certainly Give You a Miserable Case of the Willies | Socky F*cker in the Midfield | Tenured Professor of Environmental Eschatology | All-Around High Muck-A-Muck of Everything Anyone Has, Had, or Will Experience | Officer of the Brain Police--Internal Affairs Division | All that Glitters (Including Garbage Overflowing with Glittery Paint) | Sinecured Cultural Attache from the Dog Star Sirius |

unlike_someone

Here's the worst opening line to a book that I can think of at the moment:

"I'm the Vampire Lestat. Remember me? The vampire who became a super rock star, the one who wrote the autobiography?" Queen of the Damned - Anne Rice

Made me want to put the book down, which would have been pretty bad because it gets a lot better as it goes along.
- some inertly chaotic chick

  "I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!' " --Bruce Baum

fluffy

Quote from: Terry Pratchett
One day, when he was naughty, Mr. Bunnsy looked over the hedge into Farmer Fred's field and saw it was full of fresh green lettuces. Mr. Bunnsy, however, was not full of lettuces. This did not seem fair.
              - From Mr. Bunnsy Has an Adventure

  Rats!
  They fought the dogs and killed the cats, and-


  But there was more to it than that. As the Amazing Maurice said, it was just a story about people and rats. And the difficult part of it was deciding who the people were, and who were the rats.


::sigh::

the amazing maurice and his educated rodents

Clichés_Dyed_4_My_Sins

I said I liked being half-educated; you were so much more surprised at everything when you were ignorant.
My Family and Other Animals Author: Gerald Durrell



Quote from: unlike_someoneHere's the worst opening line to a book that I can think of at the moment:

"I'm the Vampire Lestat. Remember me? The vampire who became a super rock star, the one who wrote the autobiography?" Queen of the Damned - Anne Rice

Made me want to put the book down, which would have been pretty bad because it gets a lot better as it goes along.

That's disappointing! :(

Anne Rice is one of a few authors that will file suit if anyone adopts her book characters into renditions of fan fiction. Given that opening line to QotD, I can honestly say that I know a few writers that could have put a better polish on than that.    


And I adore Douglas Adams! Rest his soul.  :(
Quote"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." Douglas Adams

"That's the problem with the internet. Back in the good ol' days, each village had to endure it's own damn idiot. But now one has to deal with idiots from villages around the world." Anonymous

Bella

"Anna tucked the blanket around her baby, careful to leave the newborn's left leg out as instructed."

Grave Intent - Deborah LeBlanc
just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream
and you won't make a sound

you can't believe your eyes
you can't believe your ears
you can't believe your friends
you can't believe you're here

Malaul

QuoteFrederick Mueller staggered out into the humid, hot night. He almost pulled his anonymous escort
service blond to the ground, his grip on her hand was so strong, but they held each other upright.
The girl laughed in an alcoholic daze.

from some guy
onna fruited steet
I hope he does more
Coito ergo sum
O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.  --Comedian Chris Rock

Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ

for fluffy:

"It is said that the effect of eating too much lettuce is "soporific."
I have never felt sleepy after eating lettuces; but then I am not a rabbit."

The Tale of the Flopsy Bunnies ~ Beatrix Potter

chaosgraves:agentoferis

Quote from: unlike_someoneHere's the worst opening line to a book that I can think of at the moment:

"I'm the Vampire Lestat. Remember me? The vampire who became a super rock star, the one who wrote the autobiography?" Queen of the Damned - Anne Rice

Made me want to put the book down, which would have been pretty bad because it gets a lot better as it goes along.
just because some crap is better than other crap doesn't mean I want to eat any of it...
Constitution?!?!? Isn't that a D&D stat.

Bob the Mediocre

Quote from: MalaulMomma died today, or maybe it was yesgterday, i cant remember


The Stranger by Albert Camus
I HATED this book but damn great opener

Some writing class type thing I went to, they gave us that line to write a story with, as an exercise. Also said the book was too damn depressing, or something
"we are building a religion
we are making a brand
we're the only ones to turn to when your castles turn to sand
take a bite of this apple
mister corporate events
take a walk through the jungle
of cardboard shanties and tents
some people drink pepsi
some people drink coke
the wacky morning dj says democracy's a joke
he says now do you believe in the one big song
he is now accepting callers who would like to sing along"


I AM A COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING IDIOT!

Malaul

that book was aweful
Ive never read anytning so bad in my life
Coito ergo sum
O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.  --Comedian Chris Rock

Bella

I thought 'Where the Red Fern Grows' was equally depressing and horrible.
just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream
and you won't make a sound

you can't believe your eyes
you can't believe your ears
you can't believe your friends
you can't believe you're here

Bob the Mediocre

I'll be sure never to read it then. Thanks, by the way.
"we are building a religion
we are making a brand
we're the only ones to turn to when your castles turn to sand
take a bite of this apple
mister corporate events
take a walk through the jungle
of cardboard shanties and tents
some people drink pepsi
some people drink coke
the wacky morning dj says democracy's a joke
he says now do you believe in the one big song
he is now accepting callers who would like to sing along"


I AM A COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING IDIOT!