Media.........Interesting News! Interesting Letters!

[Spoon E. Gee]

I like to get drunk with friends and watch the special olympics...

[Demonica, Oracle of Doom]

What?  No brain patch?  No fix-it disk?  

[EvilPoet]

A 26-year-old man will be hospitalized "for months" in Illawarra, Australia, after an August accident that authorities speculate might have been inspired by the film "Jackass." The man was apparently walking across a room with a lighted firecracker between his posterior cheeks when he slipped and fell backward to the floor. The explosion resulted in a fractured pelvis, severe genital burns, hemorrhaging from the buttocks and ruptured urethra, leaving him incontinent and sexually dysfunctional.

Source: News of the Weird Weekly Highlights

[Demonica, Oracle of Doom]

OUCH!

[The Commander]

Evolution at work...eh?

The Commander
DIA

[EvilPoet]

[Bella]

Letter to the Editor from the October 15th Edition of the Anderson Valley Advertiser
http://www.theava.com

Rush & His Downs

Friends,

I've been thinking about Rush Limbaugh and his admission of prescription drug usage. He's been using large quantities of some very powerful illegally obtained medications for quite some time. Yet he has continued to
be the most popular talk show host in America. I believe that Rush is at the vanguard of Conservative drug use. He's proving that while liberal cannot handle drugs, conservatives of the proper mindset can not only use powerful drugs, but continue to be highly successful citizens.  It??s time to get this message out to our schools and universities: You can take handfuls of synthesized high power narcotics and still stand tall at the reins of American Conservative business, whether in the boardrooms of corporate America or running your own mom and pop enterprise. Rush has spoken out against drug usage for years. But he clearly realizes that conservatives can handle the hard stuff, unlike the lightweight liberals of the USA! And he's proven it. Remember, only a tip from his maid and an investigation of his pharmacist led to his demise. He was doing just fine with hard drugs, thank you.

Oxycontin can open the doors of perception for success in life, if you have a solid conservative mindset.  This is the message from Rush Limbaugh. Much as Timothy Leary pioneered LSD usage, Rush is a pioneering conservative, pushing the boundaries of drug usage, proving that you can abuse "hillbilly heroin" and still make millions in the American business world.!

So to all my liberal friends out there, I beseech you:  Put down that bong, lose the reefer, forget that Friday night sixpack and give up those "gateway drugs" that have left you in the lurch, stalled on the road to success. Join the Republican Party, find yourself a "Doctor Feelgood" and get on board the conservative train for business success with a big bag of high powered black market narcotics. This is clearly the way, as shown by the wonderful American success story, Rush Limbaugh.

And above all, turn in all your pot smoking friends. You'll be doing them a favor. Once they've finished their jail time, they'll be ready to join the conservatives of America, using plenty of hard tuff and making a pile of money. Hardline politics and hard drugs----- that??s the new American way.

[Demonica, Oracle of Doom]

What?  Tell me it's not true!  

*Runs to pharmacy and stands in line behind Rush*

[Bella]

Alas, it is all too true.
The scourge of the hippie, the feminazi, and the dope smoking, free thinking liberals has fallen.
Hoist on his own petard, me mateys. ARGHHHHHH!!

[Demonica, Oracle of Doom]

AHA!  

You are what you hate and everyone is a mirror........Rushie Pooh

*Watches SssBella flash a mysterious yet ecstatic smile*

[The Commander]

I¬•m confused....I was doing LSD all through my time in the military...I even held a Top Secret security clearence, yet I am also WAAAAAY liberal.   I¬•d consider myself fairly successful in thosee regards.  


Am I really a closet Conservative Republican?

The Commander
DIA

[Bella]

This is bigger than I thought, Commander.......the implications are staggering!!

I'm not sure I could allow my sister to marry a closet Conservative Republican.
If only you were a nice closet cross-dresser, a psuedo-sadist, or a three legged jesuit priest, all would be well.

On the other hand, Demonica says you are what you hate. And I hate Rush Limbaugh.......how could this be????

[Demonica, Oracle of Doom]

*Puts on Janet Reno Mask*


I fear we have all had a little shock and the far reaching implications of the Fear of being closet conservatives is ominous.  In light of the recent developments I've created a little check-list.  

The actions on this list cannot be reversed..................so if you do, or have acquired 10 pts. or more, you can be sure that you will NEVER in reality be a conservative or a closet conservative.  However some of us could be a liberal posing as a closet conservative which would be considered a closet liberal/conservative/psuedo-square-suit/liberal.

Here is the list:

Have you ever:

1) Hugged a tree....................................................1 pt.

2) Fought with a tree, or been chained to a tree.............3 pt.

3) Attended a reiki or drum circle..............................1 pt.

4)  Traveled over 100 miles in a van crowded with non-deodorized individuals after eating beans....................................2 pt.

5) Camped on the roof of your car.............................1 pt.
   or the roof of your friends bus (because you don't have a car) ................................3 pt.

6) Sold flowers on a street corner..................................2 pt.
   Ate the wilted flowers you couldn't sell........................1/2 pt.
   gave the flowers a proper burial.................................7 pt.

7)  Eaten a meal at a Hare Krishna temple......................2 Pt.

8 ) Lived in a house with no door...................................10 pt.

9)  Transmitted smoke signals to aliens...........................2 pt.

    aliens receive your smoke signals  .............................7 pt.

10) Have friends named Curry, Aurora, Chewy, Freeman Dave the Kanab-ite, Frisby, Spiky, Bum, Puke, Wiz,  Scooter, The Claw, or One Eyed Thane McGee.....................5 pt.


11) Dumpster dived for holilday presents.................................5 pt.

12) Cooked up a batch of 'Ryan the Nazi's Beer Stew' (recipe in the anarchy cookbook)...................5 pt.

13) Tasted the beer stew............................................................100 pt.

14)  Inhaled 'beer stew' fumes ..................................................2,000 pt.

[Trollax]

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/12/03/1070351648902.html?from=top5

Voyeur falls to death peering at naked woman's corpse
December 4, 2003

A voyeur fell to his death in southern China after climbing up the side of a building to get a better look at a woman's naked body.

The woman was a prostitute, who leapt to her death from an apartment in Shenzhen after being held hostage.

The man climbed up the building after a large crowd gathered around the body, the Hong Kong edition of the China Daily reported.

His death set off rumours that the ghost of the woman had lured the man to his death to be her companion in the afterlife, the newspaper said.

Two men have been arrested over her death.

DPA

[Lord_Caramac]

Some headline in German, from the BILD-Zeitung:

Eichel bleibt hart

I can explain it later on, if EvT doesn't do it.