Attention, N00bs: You might want to read this.

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

Or google.

[fnordiscordia]

GOOGLE MY NUTSACK WITH A CLAWHAMMER!

[Rod Stewart]

That sounds painful mate.  Perhaps a nice ballad from my latest album will calm your nerves.  Let me just get into costume.......

[cat~maxwell]

SubGeniusness was created after the original SubCordians wanted to smooke their weed without hatefilled Texas losers coming and smoking it all up like HOGS and then ranting insanely about how their being smart enough (to be pigs0 made them "superior' to other human beings.  the zenarchists were glad to see them branch out -- and the schism has mutated further into a humorlessinjoke -- the Holocaustal branch of the Subgenius church.

-The original Subgenius writers planned for this devolvation/subhuman mutation of hate and thus holocaustal losers are not he only ones who are subgenisues -- there are emergentiles and rogue rewardians -- and the holocaustals are globally acknowleldged as beuing as hate fi8lled and hypocritical as the dogmatic Normal institutions the SubChurch PRETENDS to make fun of. (all i am saying is shit the slackless Bobby losers are Proud OF -- BUT ONLY WHEN YOU SAY IT WHILE KISSING THEIR ASS.)

-to prove their geek uselessness these assholes will flame me.  But "Bob" who NEVER EXISTED has already smok't their money --
hail eris

cat Maxwell

pope that in your smike and choke it

Now, first and foremost, The Good Reverend doesn't want you to think he is giving you orders...but allow me to make a few suggestions, before you run off and post your first threads/rants/etc.

1.  If you plan on posting an exciting thread showing your best Kerry Thornley/Ivan Stang imitation, please think carefully before doing so...many of us have been here for years, and we've already read the Principia/Book of the Subgenius/Revelation X, and everything by Robert Anton Wilson...and, unless you have something original to add to those, you're probably wasting your time.

2.  Likewise, referencing your pituitary gland, foot gland, or starting an Esperanto thread is very likely to result in your being fed to Fluffy.  And you don't want that, do you?

3.  "The rule of 5" and long threads discussing the mystical signifigance of the number 23 are perfectly legal...but don't cry when you get laughed at or ignored.  Again, those are only funny/interesting the first 300 or so times you hear them.

4.  Some posters (who shall remain nameless) will give you a hard time when you first start posting.  Those posters (who shall remain nameless) will call you a "sucker", tell you to "fuck off", and rip your masterpiece thread (about the number 23) to shreds.  There's absolutely nothing you can do to dissuade them (again, no names), and nobody can hear you scream.  Welcome to discordianism.

5.  For the love of Sweet Baby Jebus, DO NOT use the terms "real discordians", "true discordians", etc.  The Good Reverend doesn't care what happens to YOU, but he's sick of washing blood off the walls.

6.  We really aren't impressed that you can post gibberish, in an attempt to sound "discordian".  Nor are we awed by claims of superpowers (except when Agent Compassion makes them), descent from Elder Gawds(tm), or claims of being Malaclypse (any of them).  In fact, odds are that you'll be bound and gagged, and left at 14th and Minna...a fate best left undescribed.  And - just so you know - the last guy who decided to rip off Joshua Norton's act got banished here:  http://principiadiscordia.org , where he can make all the proclamations he likes...to himself.

7.  Nobody will mod you for threadjacking...but good luck starting any threads of your own, Slappy.

8.  Spamming the latest funny thing you found on more than two (2) threads can have adverse effects, including (but not limited to):  being the recipient of universal mockery, having NOBODY look at your shit (out of sheer spite), and/or being forced to read Great Teacher Largo's old rants until your eyes bleed.

9.  Feel free to experiment with the board and all its HTML-y goodness, but be advised that multi-colored text is very hard to read, and most people won't make the effort.

10.  Pr0n bombing will probably get you modded, as will anything that can ge the admin/mods in real, actual trouble (copyright violations, etc).  If this happens, your fate is up to the powers that be, and we don't want to hear any whimpering about it.  Try not to bleed on us, m'kay?

SPECIAL BONUS SUGGESTION #11:  We've been trolled by the best.  In fact, some of us ARE the best.  So don't give yourself carpal tunnel syndrome trying to impress us...and multiple monikers don't really help.  Everyone ALWAYS finds out who you are...and, again, it's been done a million times.  

Lastly, be yourself, be original, don't feel the need to "wow" us on your first day, and have fun...

...SUCKER.

[Cain]

What?  Who let you back near a PC?

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

Heh...

[hooplala]

SubGeniusness was created after the original SubCordians wanted to smooke their weed without hatefilled Texas losers coming and smoking it all up like HOGS and then ranting insanely about how their being smart enough (to be pigs0 made them "superior' to other human beings.  the zenarchists were glad to see them branch out -- and the schism has mutated further into a humorlessinjoke -- the Holocaustal branch of the Subgenius church.

-The original Subgenius writers planned for this devolvation/subhuman mutation of hate and thus holocaustal losers are not he only ones who are subgenisues -- there are emergentiles and rogue rewardians -- and the holocaustals are globally acknowleldged as beuing as hate fi8lled and hypocritical as the dogmatic Normal institutions the SubChurch PRETENDS to make fun of. (all i am saying is shit the slackless Bobby losers are Proud OF -- BUT ONLY WHEN YOU SAY IT WHILE KISSING THEIR ASS.)

-to prove their geek uselessness these assholes will flame me.  But "Bob" who NEVER EXISTED has already smok't their money --
hail eris

cat Maxwell

pope that in your smike and choke it

First Newbie that's amused me in months.

[LMNO]

not really a noob.  check out some of his previous posts.


Not really amusing, either.

[Cain]

I cant remember, is he a troll account of someone here?  Cuz if so, 10/10.  If he's actually another real person....

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

I cant remember, is he a troll account of someone here?  Cuz if so, 10/10.  If he's actually another real person....

I don't think he's an alt, I think he's just nuts

[East Coast Hustle]

either way, I'd be hard pressed to find someone who sucks worse at life.

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

*couMOCgh*

[East Coast Hustle]

dude, not even CLOSE.

seriously, I think cat~maxwell is the only poster in the history of this board who I would actually beat the shit out of were I to ever encounter them IRL.

major fucking douchebag.

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

Heh, they didn't seem that bad judging by the last post. Maybe I should read some of their other shit. Or maybe I should have a beer..
No, to early...

[Mangrove]

Heh, they didn't seem that bad judging by the last post. Maybe I should read some of their other shit. Or maybe I should have a beer..
No, to early...

this is mild for Cat Maxwell. grab a beer and dig around in the archives.