The longish rant I've been owing

[ataraxia]

So here I am, finally shamed into actually writing something. It's about midnight here and I will probably screw it up :P Never mind whether I should have something better to do on a Saturday night instead of typing into XEmacs for a bunch of people I've never met but am nonetheless eager to appease.

Long ago, before I was beaned by the Golden Apple, but not so long ago that I didn't know what Discordianism was, I was what fluffy Wiccans and such would call a "Seeker". (Nothing more than an Agnostic who has more choices than "yes" or "no" AFAICT but you know how those folks fear words that are popular with Christians.) So I hung around silly places like WitchVox, churchofsatan.org, and chaosmagic.org; bought books by Peter Carroll and Phil Hine; and wrote pompous journal entries (on paper, not in a blog) that I thought were Serious Philosophy, but of course were really only intended to convince myself. I tried to read AO Spare, and did read Crowley (who I still think is fun). I largely ignored Discordianism upon first exposure - honestly, at this point I only wanted TEH MAEHDGJICQKQUEUEX, and experienced the "fish, meet bicycle" effect. (At least I've never bought anything from Llewellyn.)

Anyway, while I was about this kind of activity, I stumbled upon two unusual books that dovetailed nicely. One was Colin Wilson's The Occult, the other was Charles Fort's old classic The Book of the Damned. Neither of these are particularly respectable books. They had one thing in common - they trusted all of their sources. Wilson is a case of the unfortunate person who is smart enough to understand most anything he reads, gullible enough to believe it, and egotistic enough to disbelieve in his own gullibility. I honestly don't know what to think about Fort - very often I think his stuff was just OM in action.

At that point in my mental development, these two books threw me for a loop. I was caught between swallowing some obvious bullshit on one hand, and not "keeping an open mind" on the other. Remember, the "open mind" is the holy grail of the fluffy Pagans, at least so long as you're not open to any mainstream stuff. (Kinda like the Free Software movement. :P )

So what I set out to do was to come up with a theory of metaphysics, of underlying reality, that would reconcile ALL of the data, including Real Science. And I damn well did it. I became a Pantheist, and said, "Anything can be true, as long as The Universe wills it." I took a page from Jung and said the Collective Unconscious existed, and not only that, but I identified it with my Pantheistic God. Nothing existed but the Mind Of The Universe. We only thought we were "real", we were just figments extruded up from the mental sewers of God.

That was the beginning of the end. Free Will of even the most trivial sort stopped existing for me. And my theory, being powerful enough to explain everything I had see so far, could actually explain ANYTHING AT ALL, no matter how silly. It had run afoul of some kind of Goedelian trick: It was complete, and therefore inconsistent. I had the ultimate power, and it was USELESS. My universe was BORING.

This was the straw that broke the camel's back. I finally convinced myself that calling bullshit was necessary sometimes. Otherwise I had to eat it. I dropped the fluff. I looked back at Peter Carroll and Phil Hine and saw that some was fun, some was not, and all of it was silly. I turned off my philosophical lightbulb and went to work for the US Government in the very heart of the Podge for a few years. (No, really).

After a while that was No Fun, and I started thinking those Subversive Thoughts again. I started reading fun books again. I came back around to the Principia, and this time, I wasn't looking for the SFX. I was looking for FUN. And goddamn if it didn't make some kind of impression on me this time.

Thank you for reading this far, and good night. I just wish I could have made this a bit more definitely on-topic. Hopefully it's not bigger bullshit than what it's busting on. Fire when ready.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Considering this is a first attempt, I give it an 80%, base.

Bonuses:  

The fact that you read Charles Fort:  5% (the man was a fucking GAWD)

Annoying Wiccans:  10%

Realizing that Peter Carroll is full of shit:  5%

Learning to call bullshit:  15% (think for yourself?  THAT will have to be stopped)

Penalties:

Being too apologetic:  - 15% (it's called RANTING, not "apologizing")

Having ultimate power, and not flipping out HARD:  -10%

So you get a 90%.  Well done.

[the other anonymous]

So here I am, finally shamed into actually writing something. It's about midnight here and I will probably screw it up :P Never mind whether I should have something better to do on a Saturday night instead of typing into XEmacs for a bunch of people I've never met but am nonetheless eager to appease.

VI IS THE ONLY TRUE *NIX EDITOR! Elvis is king, baby!

Long ago, before I was beaned by the Golden Apple, but not so long ago that I didn't know what Discordianism was, I was what fluffy Wiccans and such would call a "Seeker".

Really? They called me "annoying".

I largely ignored Discordianism upon first exposure - honestly, at this point I only wanted TEH MAEHDGJICQKQUEUEX, and experienced the "fish, meet bicycle" effect. (At least I've never bought anything from Llewellyn.)

Silver Ravenwolf writes with a sexy grammar. I'd like to transcribe her all night long.

At that point in my mental development, these two books threw me for a loop. I was caught between swallowing some obvious bullshit on one hand, and not "keeping an open mind" on the other. Remember, the "open mind" is the holy grail of the fluffy Pagans, at least so long as you're not open to any mainstream stuff. (Kinda like the Free Software movement. :P )

What did it for me was Descartes and Buddhism. "Nothing exists except the self" and "The self is an illusion". Discovering this led me to write a short, one-page rant where I declared Logic to be a playground where we dance among the most holy roses. The wisdom was: Philosophy is not supposed to be logical, so we have to decide what it is. I opted for sex. Yep, my philosophy was centered around sexuality and fetishism. I eventually dropped it when a few friends showed me the only conclusion of what I was saying. I went with humor after that.

So what I set out to do was to come up with a theory of metaphysics, of underlying reality, that would reconcile ALL of the data, including Real Science. And I damn well did it. I became a Pantheist, and said, "Anything can be true, as long as The Universe wills it."

Anything which is compatable with WAAM must exist.

That was the beginning of the end. Free Will of even the most trivial sort stopped existing for me. And my theory, being powerful enough to explain everything I had see so far, could actually explain ANYTHING AT ALL, no matter how silly. It had run afoul of some kind of Goedelian trick: It was complete, and therefore inconsistent. I had the ultimate power, and it was USELESS. My universe was BORING.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! How do you think YHVH feels? "I can fuck any bitch I want, BUT I DON'T HAVE A PENIS BECAUSE I'M INCORPOREAL!" (No wonder he's such an ass )

This was the straw that broke the camel's back. I finally convinced myself that calling bullshit was necessary sometimes. Otherwise I had to eat it. I dropped the fluff. I looked back at Peter Carroll and Phil Hine and saw that some was fun, some was not, and all of it was silly. I turned off my philosophical lightbulb and went to work for the US Government in the very heart of the Podge for a few years. (No, really).

Where? When? Are you a spy? You do know that the CIA works for us, right? We're your bosses, son. Do as we say. (But not as Roger says. He's not one of us -- and he doesn't want to be, either. Someday, he'll figure out why he's here.)

After a while that was No Fun, and I started thinking those Subversive Thoughts again. I started reading fun books again. I came back around to the Principia, and this time, I wasn't looking for the SFX. I was looking for FUN. And goddamn if it didn't make some kind of impression on me this time.

The first time I read the principia, it was a lame re-write of Tilt's HTML version. I printed it, skimmed it, and forgot it, 'cuz I thought it was something some kids had written a few years ago and left on their lame abandoned website. Wasn't until I hooked up with the Church of Psycherotica that I found out what it really was. I only like it 'cuz it's old!

Thank you for reading this far, and good night. I just wish I could have made this a bit more definitely on-topic. Hopefully it's not bigger bullshit than what it's busting on. Fire when ready.

History is not bullshit, unless it feminist propaganda. And only 51% of autobiographies are bullshit.

[fluffy]

very nice
you realize it is a journey
keep going

[ataraxia]

very nice
you realize it is a journey
keep going

I always do. Couldn't stop if I wanted to. A tarot-head (me at the time   ) said that "progress" for me was a combination of The Emperor (straight line) and the Empress (in a circle). So my mental evolution follows a corkscrew pattern. Or maybe just a kinky one  

[ataraxia]

VI IS THE ONLY TRUE *NIX EDITOR! Elvis is king, baby!

You run Slackware, and I claim my five pounds.
And I wrote it on Windows :P

Seriously, though, I use vi and emacs on Windows, Unix, and Mac. My toolbox has a lot of stuff in it

Anything which is compatable with WAAM must exist.

Now what does that mean? At a loss trying to decode it.

Where? When? Are you a spy? You do know that the CIA works for us, right? We're your bosses, son. Do as we say. (But not as Roger says. He's not one of us -- and he doesn't want to be, either. Someday, he'll figure out why he's here.)

I made spy-relevant software. Satellite imagery and such. And I was there (in horrible Northern Virginia) from May '01 until May '05. And that is why I have the gung-ho nature  

[the other anonymous]

You run Slackware, and I claim my five pounds.

Debian 2.1.12.1.1.1.1.121.2.2111.12.21.11.2.12.1.21.21121.2122-potato.

Now what does that mean? At a loss trying to decode it.

UMMO. I am Ibozoo UU!

I made spy-relevant software. Satellite imagery and such. And I was there (in horrible Northern Virginia) from May '01 until May '05. And that is why I have the gung-ho nature  

May is the fifth month, and you were there for five years. I wish I could hold a job for five years, but I have trouble keeping it for five weeks.

[ataraxia]

No, I was there for *4* years.  
I will spoil your theory.

And I used to run Debian. On a Mac no less. Got bored and quit.