Flame On

[gnimbley]

Deep in the mystical sylvan forest, a small, weary gnome crawls out of a hole in the ground and walks up to the magical voice amplification device. A bunny sits in the bushes, her eyes a glow. Several other creatures rustle in the bushes.



Want to know the dirty little secret of flame wars?

You can't win.

Oh, you can lose, but you can't win.

No matter how many posts you make; no matter how devastating your
argument; no matter how unassailable your logic; no matter how many rules
of logic you violate; no matter how virtuous your position; no matter how
obscene your language...

You can't win.

The other guy can always make one more post saying, "Ha, ha. You're a
jerk."

You can't win, but the real secret is: neither can they.

You can lose. You do that by declaring you have lost. You flounce. You
quit. You concede. You make a last post.

They can't make you lose. You can only do that to yourself.

They never lose because they refuse to admit defeat.

So guess what? If you refuse to admit defeat, you can not lose either.

Period.

You can't win because you can't make them lose. They can always make
another post after all of yours. They can make lots of posts after your
last one, especially if they have a posse full of fanbois.

But you can't lose. Just make another post. Just say, "Ha, ha. You're a
jerk." That's all it takes.


The biggest mistake you can make, of course, is to go into a flame war
thinking you can win.

Don't try to use logic or moral suasion in a flame war. Does you no good.
Flame wars are fought at the lowest intellectual level human beings can
bring themselves to.

Flame wars are full of false accusations, spurious logic, school yard
bullying and piling on. They satisfy the needs of a primitive area of the
brain which just wants to bludgeon something and prove its superiority. It
doesn't care why. It just knows it feels better when it hits something.

In order to fight a flame war you have to disengage the higher function of
your brain and lower yourself to that primitive level where bashing
anything that isn't currently sucking up to you is all you care about.

It may feel good, but ultimately it is not about anything but bashing.

If you find yourself in a flame war, just opt out. Let the trolls exhaust
themselves. Ignore them. Post as you wish. Be yourself.

Sure, they may "follow you around" making annoying, obscene posts.
Ignore them. Tell yourself they are nothing but jackasses. (Remember,
they can't win.)

Eventually people forget what the flame war was all about (if they ever
knew.)

Eventually those who persist in flaming become viewed for the asses they
are.

Eventually the trolls becomes bored. Once they realize they can't win,
they move on.

And then, make one more post. Say anything. And you didn't lose.


Don't expect the mods to "intervene" in a flame war. Nothing they can
really do except try to persuade the parties to give it up. And we all know
how well that works.

Don't expect Mgt to intervene. All she can do is ban people. That's a
crude weapon she doesn't want to use. She wants everyone to feel free
to post on her forums.

Don't expect other posters to jump in with posts full of devastating logic
and moral superiority in your defense. Logic, morality, even popularity
are useless. Trolls don't care who's right. They only care about winning.

But they can only win, if you decide to lose.

So decide not to lose and go on with your life.

After all, it's only an internet bulletin board, somewhere out in virtual
space. It's not like any of this is real.

Or did you mistakenly come here thinking this was a "real" religion?




Oh, Yeah. I almost forgot. Ha, ha. You're a jerk.

[Cain]

You're a jerk too.
































Jerk.

[The Doctor]

I always knew there was a reason I liked gnomes. *applause*

[fluffy]

gnomes are full of shit

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

gnomes are full of shit

That's what I was thinking, sort of.  They did win, in a way.  I skimmed through the first few pages of the member list and counted 10 people that posted a lot when I first signed up that are just gone now.  I counted another 5 that post a lot less.  We all lose when that happens. It effects the whole board, not just the people being attacked.  

The name of this forum may be Frank Sinatra, but it is still associated with the Principia Discordia.  Only it seems no one talks about the book or the concepts, except for OM.  A joke inside a religion inside a joke should be funnier, or funner, oooohh, I see something shiney.....

[agent compassion]

Ha, ha, you're a jerk.

[Cain]

Only it seems no one talks about the book or the concepts, except for OM.

Well, there is only so much you can talk about some stoners ramblings before never wanting to read them again...

[The Doctor]

Yes, but open hostility to people who just got here and do want to talk about the book seems a little bit...excessive. Who knows what kind of interesting person might lie beneath the n00b's exterior?

[l0c0dantes]

Will you cover how "Your mom..." Fits in with all of this next please?

[Cain]

Yes, but open hostility to people who just got here and do want to talk about the book seems a little bit...excessive. Who knows what kind of interesting person might lie beneath the n00b's exterior?

Example?  If they have an interesting twist on it, all good.  But regurgitating it word for word is the only gripe I have, regardless of how new or old a poster is.  If I want 50 year old gibberish, I'll go listen to an MP giving a speech. Its a safe bet people here have read the book multiple times, and so do not need reminders every other post of parts from it.

[The Doctor]

*cough* Oh, your mom fit in nicely...with my pet goat!  

l0c0, it seems that the custom is, when some poster makes an innuendo-like statement, or a comment about someone's mother, that the next available poster is to make a rude comment about having had his/her way with that poster's mother, or having put that poster's mother into a compromising situation.

[The Doctor]

Yes, but open hostility to people who just got here and do want to talk about the book seems a little bit...excessive. Who knows what kind of interesting person might lie beneath the n00b's exterior?

Example?  If they have an interesting twist on it, all good.  But regurgitating it word for word is the only gripe I have, regardless of how new or old a poster is.  If I want 50 year old gibberish, I'll go listen to an MP giving a speech. Its a safe bet people here have read the book multiple times, and so do not need reminders every other post of parts from it.

True, but what if that's just something an otherwise cool n00b just needs to get out of their system?

Weren't we all n00bs once?

[Cain]

No, I spontaneously came into being with 300 posts under my belt and a world weariness usually assosciated with the worst sort of depressives.

[The Doctor]

No, I spontaneously came into being with 300 posts under my belt and a world weariness usually assosciated with the worst sort of depressives.

That's a good trick!

[l0c0dantes]

*cough* Oh, your mom fit in nicely...with my pet goat!  

l0c0, it seems that the custom is, when some poster makes an innuendo-like statement, or a comment about someone's mother, that the next available poster is to make a rude comment about having had his/her way with that poster's mother, or having put that poster's mother into a compromising situation.

Ahhhh, just checking, I was never quite sure how the mom jokes fit into the proper schemantics of a high quality never ending flame war. Its good to know that theres some resolution out there