St. Hugh's Rant # 7: The sound of one hand slapping

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

RANT#7: The Upstart of One Hand Clapping

Show me the Upstart of one hand clapping! Hail Eris! If you can??t see Her, She might just slap you around. Then again, She just might not. And woe is your hell,  if that??s the case. Rest assured that at some point, She will slap you with the unchecked pimp-smack of reality. Whether you believe She exists or not is irrelevant, She knows you exist. Whether you know you exist or not, is irrelevant. She will slap you. Whether you can see Her or not, She can still see you. She will slap the mental phlegm right out of your mind, and before you go rushing about to find some more phlegm or bullshit to fill the gaping clarity of confusion which Her slap will leave you with, why don??t you just rest in that confusion for a moment. Look to see just what in the hell is really going on. You may find, for a change, that life is always changing. You may find out, for a moment, just who you really are. You may see just how silly you really are with all of your conceptions about the world, yourself, and the life you have made for yourself. You may see, in the aftermath of that slap, a glimpse of the freedom you claim to searching for. Eris will slap your smug notions of what that freedom is right out of your system. Fear not the Upstart of one hand clapping, for her clap slapped across your mind will only be as hard as your fixations upon your own pretensions.

Her thunder-clapping slap will take the crap with which you surround yourself so far away, you might just go insane?ñinsane enough to realize that you need never hold onto any of your, or others?? crap any longer. You need not take it so seriously for the slap is to show you the realization of how absurd your fixated pretensions are. You may as well have fun with yourself and your pretensions since they are your own creations. Can you hear the sound of one hand clapping yet? It is the sharp thud sound that will remove the Thud and the Dumb for a momentary glimpse of the laughter of the universe. Do not lose yourself in the precepts of order anymore. The precepts of order are only designed to help you avoid the slap. But you know deep down inside that you can??t avoid that slap. If you could avoid the slap, you would lose your sense of humor?ñlaughter would flee from you faster than an Illuminati agent from an armed Discordian. And what does that armed Discordian carry which makes the Illuminatus run? She carries the slap. She has become the upstart of one hand clapping herself. (And that goes for ?´he?? as well.)

The slap may take the form of a prank?ñof a statement which is so absurd that it is profound?ñof something that makes you laugh so hard you let go of all that farting gas which was once your inflated ego?ñThe slap may take the form of a kiss from a cherished love one?ña tripping fall from a sidewalk crack that forces you to sprawl out and look at for once at the sky above?ñThe slap may take the form of a fellow Discordian who laughs at your new-found spiritual insights?ñit may be the full moon in the sky which startles you into realizing the innate chaotic beauty of a world in which it makes about as much sense to make nonsense as it does to make sense?ñThe slap may take the form of you slipping in the shower showing you how shallow taking things seriously really is?ñit may be the attempts you take to drive through a congested urban area to only get nowhere fast?ñit may be the warning shout of a friend just before you walk into a telephone pole?ñit may be the wind which destroys the umbrella under which you tried to hide from the rain?ñit may be the cigarette lighter which is full yet refuses to light?ñThe slap is the Upstart of one hand clapping Herself. The slap is also your own pineal gland??s kick-starting you into an awareness you never thought you would have?ñit is the Great Tickle which wakes up everyone, whether they believe it or not?ñit is the point you are looking for but can not find because you look tom much at the pointing finger instead of the space beyond.

Show me the sound of one hand clapping and I??ll pull a purple monkey from the hole in my sock! Show me the Upstart of one hand clapping and She may just tell me to slap the crap out of you. Who knows?

(Bureaucracy 61st , 3169)

[Sir Lyall]

The slap may be a standardized test that has no effect on your past, present or future, but feeds the educations systems ego, which you fill out randomly without looking at the questions. The next slap is being yelled at for doing so, even though your persecutor can come up with no good reason why I shouldn't have done that besides "sometimes you just have to go along with the system"

Takin' my slaps and lovin' em.  

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Hail Eris, and pass the something or other!

[Pvednes]

Hail Eris.

On another note I can clap one handed. unfortunately for "What's the sound of one hand clapping?" theorists, the answer is a sound like 'fap'.

[Y.M. Hut]

It's a rhetorical question man.

Therefore the answer is: I need a shave.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

I thought it meant "I need to flush the damn toilet."

[riff]

As every Terry Pratchett fan knows, the sound of one hand clapping is "cl".  The other hand makes the "ap".

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

What about half a hand?

[Doktor Howl]

Bump.

Ooooooh, yeah.

[hooplala]

I've never encountered anyone else who could say so little with so many words.

[LMNO]

[Doktor Howl]

I did it for revenge.

Those bastards never should have killed Mang.  People will pay for this.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Was Hugh even an adult? I mean "adult" in the loosest possible sense here, as in over 12.

[hooplala]

Was Hugh even an adult? I mean "adult" in the loosest possible sense here, as in over 12.

Well, he had red pubic hair, so take that for what its worth.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Was Hugh even an adult? I mean "adult" in the loosest possible sense here, as in over 12.

Well, he had red pubic hair, so take that for what its worth.

We know that WHY?