Contest Entry: Discordianism, the emotional crutch of fags

[Jack Chick]

Discordianism is a disgusting, moronic, unspeakably puerile haven of urine-, feces-, menstrual blood-, and smegma-drenched hippies who want a smarmy umbrella for their perversely theosophical mesh of half-baked philosophies for them to giggle about in between plastic Mountain Dew bottle bong hits as they feel up each others' grimy, pudgy bodies. It's main philosophical tenet consists something about chaos being good, but who gives a fuck? It's just an excuse for them to feel like both profound, enlightened gurus and self-righteous socio-political revolutionaries for shoplifting from Stucky's, spray painting "LOL ERIS" on the sidewalk, going days without showering, and posting gibberish on message boards. All you need to know about Discordians is that they'll be sharing a boiling vat of horse dung with Stalin as devils poke them with red hot pitchforks for all eternity as they whine for mercy, wondering why God didn't think their lame puns plagiarized from the Marx brothers were funny as they stood before Him in judgment.

Why do Discordians torment our Savior by worshipping the abominable devils of heathen gods? That is a mystery but their matron demoness is the Whore of Babylon, a.k.a. Eris, who is an anime character that thery enjoy masturbating to as they gargle blood to spit on the crucifix with, in their parents,Äô diongy basement filled with Star Trek paraphernalia, books on philosophy they haven,Äôt actually read, Nintendo games, the wrappers of junk food, and a cloudy haze of marijuana smoke as Cartoon Network shrieks in the background. Like all chubby, pale computer nerds, they get together every week and play Dungeons and Dragons to cast spells and call themselves witches, although some of them pretend to be above this, but not above wasting their lives away on a worthless message board filled with the worthless opinions of nobodies.

[Cain]

I am Cain and I approve this oversimplification and ridiculing of religious beliefs.

[Zurtok Khan]

Two thumbs up!

[Rev. St. Syn, KSC (Ret.)]

Stoeled, and fuck you Chick, for not shitting this on poee too. :P

[Issarlk]

I'm not fat!  *cries*

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

Jack Chick = best author evar?

[Cole Frehlen]

Especially his Cthulhu tract!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I think we have our winner.

[BADGE OF HONOR]

All you need to know about Discordians is that they'll be sharing a boiling vat of horse dung with Stalin as devils poke them with red hot pitchforks for all eternity as they whine for mercy, wondering why God didn't think their lame puns plagiarized from the Marx brothers were funny as they stood before Him in judgment.

That's a good image.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Jack Chick,

You hit the nail on the head.

It's because we like tormenting your savior.

You see, we hate hippies, and your savior, good sir, was the founder of Hippiedom what with all that "turn the other cheek" "peace" "god is love" crappola. I mean, come the fuck on. "Dying for the sins of mankind." What Kind OF Shtick Is THAT? I say, let the sinners burn and rot. Fuck 'em if they missed the joke.

[Jack Chick]

Jack Chick,

You hit the nail on the head.

It's because we like tormenting your savior.

You see, we hate hippies, and your savior, good sir, was the founder of Hippiedom what with all that "turn the other cheek" "peace" "god is love" crappola. I mean, come the fuck on. "Dying for the sins of mankind." What Kind OF Shtick Is THAT? I say, let the sinners burn and rot. Fuck 'em if they missed the joke.

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/d/de/Whatchild.jpg

**Edited by the laziest mod. Please don't make me mod again. I hate it.  **

[Jack Chick]

[fluffy]

no porno on the web site, jack
really old rule

[Bella]

Yeah, theoretically, The Mgt could get sued if we leave it up.
But I left a link so people can see the porn if they want.

[pagmatic]

I have an idea--

If somebody would write it; I'll draw a Discordian Tract. How's that sound?