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Rant on Platitudes.

Started by AFK, October 25, 2005, 05:36:15 PM

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AFK

So....I've written in the past about my grandmother.  She was recently diagnosed with a cancer that her primary careless physician had refused to diagnose.  Anyway, I shall not retread on ground well covered.  She passed away yesterday morning.  

The subject of this rant is platitudes.  The usual thing you hear from someone when you tell them a loved one dies is "I'm sorry."  Now let me say right away that I understand that a lot of people mean well when they say that and it's just that they don't know what else to say.  But I guess I'm of the mind that it's best just not to say anything.  But I guess it's just human nature to have to say something.....

But it isn't necessary.  As far as I'm concerned I'd rather you not say anything if that's all you can come up with.  For example, I informed my boss that I would be taking my 3 days of bereavement leave.  He said he "was sorry about my Grandmother."  But it was so painfully, obviously, insincere.  That is more insulting to me than just not saying anything.  I'm not an idiot I know how to read people's voices.  Yeah, you know what, it does suck for me especially given the circumstances.  But fake and insincere sympathy does not help.  And honestly, I don't care if other people care.  My sadness and anger for the loss of my grandmother is not going to be lessened or cured by anyone.  

Why, in our society, have we become so numb and brainless that we have to be so insipid in our communication?  And further why do we feel the need to say something when we can't think of anything to say?  In those situations, silence is bliss.  I don't want the void to be filled with meaningless drivel and chatter.  A hug from someone I love and a shoulder to lean on is all I need.  I need my silence and space and would just rather the trite phrases not be uttered at all.  No words are going to bring back my grandmother, they are not going to ease the mourning, so with respect all I ask of the world is to let me be and respect my silence.  That will do me much more good than some clumsy words.
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

BADGE OF HONOR

If it were all about sympathy for you, there would be silence, but it's all about the person who feels uncomfortable about not actually feeling any sympathy, hence the platitudes.  Ever notice how weirded out people get about silence?  It's pretty funny, actually.
The Jerk On Bike rolled his eyes and tossed the waffle back over his shoulder--before it struck the ground, a stout, disconcertingly monkey-like dog sprang into the air and snatched it, and began to masticate it--literally--for the sound it made was like a homonculus squatting on the floor muttering "masticate masticate masticate".

AFK

It is funny but it's sad at the same time.  Silence is taken for granted in a lot of human society.  I know, people feel they need to say something but they don't.  My boss didn't have to say anything in condolence but he felt he had to.  I was simply telling him i wasn't coming in for the next 3 days and if he had just said okay that would have been perfect.  But, then it's foolish of me to expect that I suppose.
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy


BADGE OF HONOR

Oh hell,  I'll be a proper asshole and say it:

"I'm sorry for your loss."
The Jerk On Bike rolled his eyes and tossed the waffle back over his shoulder--before it struck the ground, a stout, disconcertingly monkey-like dog sprang into the air and snatched it, and began to masticate it--literally--for the sound it made was like a homonculus squatting on the floor muttering "masticate masticate masticate".

AFK

It's okay.  Besides silent respect is hard to convey on the internet.
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

BADGE OF HONOR

Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name?It's okay.  Besides silent respect is hard to convey on the internet.
So is genuine sympathy, for that matter.
The Jerk On Bike rolled his eyes and tossed the waffle back over his shoulder--before it struck the ground, a stout, disconcertingly monkey-like dog sprang into the air and snatched it, and began to masticate it--literally--for the sound it made was like a homonculus squatting on the floor muttering "masticate masticate masticate".

AFK

Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy

Thanks.
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

East Coast Hustle

I don't know if you intended for this to be an entry in the contest, but I have read and scored it anyway.

thank you for your submission.

and while I won't bother with some insipid cookie-cutter sympathy, allow me to offer my commiseration on the circumstances of your grandmother's death, as I had virtually the identical thing happen to mine a few years ago. Mercy Hospital is pretty high on my shit list.

8)
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

AFK

Quote from: Rabid Badger of God
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name?It's okay.  Besides silent respect is hard to convey on the internet.
So is genuine sympathy, for that matter.

Troof.  But I imagine people on this board who truly don't care (disclaimer: not insinuating they should) will not post anything.
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

AFK

Quote from: East Coast HustleI don't know if you intended for this to be an entry in the contest, but I have read and scored it anyway.

thank you for your submission.

and while I won't bother with some insipid cookie-cutter sympathy, allow me to offer my commiseration on the circumstances of your grandmother's death, as I had virtually the identical thing happen to mine a few years ago. Mercy Hospital is pretty high on my shit list.

8)

ditto.  Though a plus in their column was I was able to spend the night with my wife after she gave birth to our daughter.  I couldn't have done that at Maine Med.  Of course the list of minuses is quite long.  

And no it wasn't intended as an entry, just needed to vent.
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy

Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name?
ditto.  Though a plus in their column was I was able to spend the night with my wife after she gave birth to our daughter.  I couldn't have done that at Maine Med.  Of course the list of minuses is quite long.  

And no it wasn't intended as an entry, just needed to vent.

At the hospital I gave birth at you can have a fricking party in there if you want.  There is a bench for people to sleep on, a TV, VCR, you can play any kind of music you want and have as many people in there as you want.  Why people want a whole bunch of people watching them go like this  :o  :o  :o  :x  :o  :o  :o  :x  :o  :o  :o  :x  :shock: I have no idea :?

East Coast Hustle

Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyWhy people want a whole bunch of people watching them go like this  :o  :o  :o  :x  :o  :o  :o  :x  :o  :o  :o  :x  :shock: I have no idea

OK, even though I normally can't stand when you abuse the smilies, this was possibly the best use of smilies EVAR.

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

gnimbley

Them saying they were sorry never bothered me. What else was there
to say? If they didn't say something everyone else would think they
were an asshole. "Why didn't you at least say you were sorry, asshole?"

What made me want to shout "FUCK OFF" in their faces was the "advice"
I would get. You won't get this because it is your grandmother. But when
your spouse dies and you are really, really broken up, people will come
up to you and say, "It'll be better in time. I know it doesn't seem like it
now, but this will pass."

Yes, I know. In time my pain will lessen.

BUT THAT DOESN"T DO ME A FUCKING BIT OF GOOD RIGHT NOW YOU
SHIT! RIGHT NOW IT HURTS LIKE FUCK AND YOUR CONDESCENDING
LITTLE PLATITUDES JUST MAKE IT WORSE BECAUSE WHAT YOU ARE
REALLY SAYING IS "GET OVER IT. YOU ANNOY ME." GET THE HELL AWAY
FROM ME, YOU SCHMUCK.

I feel better now. Time has passed. I have moved on.

Oh, and my condolences, Rev. Just a few little words and doesn't mean
much, I know, because, hey, it's just the internet. But I remember what
your pain is like. And I am sorry you have to go through it, too.

Horab Fibslager

a friend of mine's motehr apssed away quite some time ago. in fact it was one of those events during the great mindfuck that helped me on my way down from that moutain, into teh gaping blackness of the following year.
you see, i didn't know what to say, how to say it. how do i say i'm sorry? that i'm happy your mother is no longer in pain? that i'm sure she's in a better place? i copuldn't say any of that. my grandmother died earlier that year and i was truly relieved for her. she had been in some measure of pain for at least msot of my own life, adn as far as much pain goes,there's only one escape, one inhobitor for it. which is not to say wh was lookign forward to it or any of that, in fact she' was quti elooking forward to seeing me and my cousins and my brother an dsister grow up or finishing growing up as is/was the case. buit even so....

i said nothing. i couldn't say anything. couldn't bring myself to it. and befor elong i coudln't say anything at all. to her, to anyone. it's not the only reason why, but it certainly contributed.
Hell is other people.