How to Impress Anti-Fluff Bunnies: (for Neo-Pagans)

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

How to Impress Anti-Fluff Bunnies

An Irreverent Look at Ourselves and Our Supposed "Movement" Which Degenerates into a Discussion of Theology.

The first rule is that you must bash the threefold rule and the Wiccan rede. This is essential in proving your anti-fluffy status. Once you can learn to parrot the correct words and cliches regarding the fluffiness of these two Wiccan concepts, you have proven to yourself and to others what a real serious Pagan you are, especially if you are an Asatruar or a Celtic Reconstructionist, but really especially if you consider yourself a Witch but not a Wiccan.

Secondly, you must, no matter how many times you have heard, seen, or read it before, believe that you are really the first person to point out that the word "witch" is not the exclusive monopoly of Wiccans. (Despite the fact that it seems that they are the majority of people who use the word as a title for themselves.) And then you must laugh at all those sorry souls who ignorantly protest the yearly Halloween imagery of green-skinned black hat wearing witches because it causes prejudice. (I must admit I find those people pretty funny too, but I listen to what they have to say anyway.)

Thirdly, you must denounce anyone who has had or claims to have had any experiences of anti-Pagan prejudice or discrimination. You must spout the correct anti-bunny dogma which dictates that anyone experiencing any form of prejudice is either imagining it or has brought it on themselves. "They were wearing a pentacle around their neck, they deserved it. They should have kept their beliefs in the closet." (Yet Muslims, Christians, Jews and people from other religions are legally entitled to wear religious clothing and symbols in most situations free from any discrimination. Yes, I live in an area where you can identify many people's religions by how they dress or what they wear.) Then you must laugh at any Pagan's attempt at looking at the atrocities caused by the monotheists. "Everyone did evil things," goes the saying which really says nothing. (Looking at the holy books of the three monotheist religions, we find scriptural excuses for mass murder of "unbelievers" who today could be identified as pagans.) Playing "nice" with the dominant religions of our society and day doesn't mean we can't be mindful of what their doctrines really say.

Fourthly, you have to make a statement about how magic is really for oneself and one's own spiritual development (because deep down inside you really do want to impress the ceremonial magicians) and spell casting to change the environment or one's life circumstances (you know, the ultimate reason for magic) is wrong headed and stupid. No matter how many times it's been said before, you have to point out that casting a love spell to bring one's desire is wrong and how they should just go out and find someone in a bar or school or wherever. You must insist that magic is really about changing one's own psychological attunement so that you can not look so strange to all those skeptics who ask you that damned question you have yet to answer: "Does magic really work?"

Fifthly, you have to claim that the Gods and Goddesses really only help those who help themselves. Despite the fact that any relationship entails a certain amount of dependency and reliance. Oh wait, that's right. To be a proper anti-fluffy, you have to laugh at anyone who claims to have a relationship with their gods and you will definitely call them full-of-shit if they have the temerity to suggest that their gods have helped them out or manifested other signs. (That's because as a properly intellectual and anti-fluffy Pagan, you must adhere to the idea that Pagan religions are really just forms of ritual theatre. What is important is what happens in your mind. Forget any talk about gods really being invited in and such nonsense that might make Paganism like "normal" common everyday working persons' spirituality.)

Next, you must talk about introspection and how important it is, despite the fact that the problem with some of the fluff-bunnies is precisely too much introspection and not enough "extrospection" (or 'reflection'). You must damn-to-hell all those Pagans who claim to have relationships and realizations and profound experiences that do not come from "within." (You know, the ones who talk about gods and goddesses as if they actually exist. The Pagans who never read books and yet have had all those experiences that you secretly pine and yearn for.)

Finally, you must attack bitterly any of those poor benighted misinformed souls that still may believe in the Burning Times as literal truth. This, despite the fact that probably only about five or seven people on the planet may still believe in it, establishes your anti-fluffy status beyond a doubt. And despite how many times the rest of us have read the fifty-thousand "Burning Times are a myth" rants, we will read yours and congratulate you on speaking the one and only holy truth.



Shit. Look at us. We are getting sillier than the fluffy bunnies. We are becoming nothing but a bag of cliched responses and pretentious arrogant douche bags who do nothing to further ourselves by such behavior. This goes for all you "purists" who get all fumed and frothed up because of Pagans going around "mixing" their practices. (As if the pagans from the classical era didn't do such things.) This goes for all you Celtic and Hellenic and other Reconstructionists who go around calling other people crap for mixing up your "one true" ways. (Yet, for the Celtic Recons, I have yet to see any of you actually learn to respect actual living Celtic traditions enough to admit that Christianity and Paganism exist in a symbiotic mutually inspiring relationship in the remaining Celtic communities.) This goes for all of you Pagans who believe that the Wiccan Rede of "Harm None" is a blindly stupid and fluffy idea. (If you don't like the Rede, perhaps you should actually learn what it means and how it applies before you go off about how impossible it is to follow to the letter and blah blah blah.)

Obviously, I lean toward the anti-fluffy side, but after some consideration I have concluded that fluffy bunnies are not really the threat some of us (myself included) have said they are. They either go on to become better and smarter Pagans or they move on to other things. The vast majority of people in today's society (at least here in the USA) think Neo-Paganism, especially Wicca (that is, if they can tell the difference), is a bunch of silly spurious crap anyway. The bunnies can't make it any worse for our image. (Really. I mean that. Our image in the public eye is that bad.) Instead of whining and complaining about the bunnies (who, being identified as Pagans, are actually our responsibility), we should engage in, promote, or support efforts by those groups and individuals working to educate others about Neo-Paganism and its various communities.

Also, stop making research and reading the most important aspect of Paganism. If all it was about was reading books and writing essays, I wouldn't have been attracted to any Pagan religion in the first place so many years ago. (I was Pagan years before I started reading and writing essays about it.) My relationship with other beings, my deities and with my environment is what makes up the core of my Pagan perspectives and practices, not some correctly researched ritual form presented in some book. I love reading, even some of the materials published by other Pagans, but written words are merely aids or tools. Paganism for me has become instinctual and almost first nature. Without ecstatic experiences, invocations, relationships, revelations, dreams, dancing, magic and ritual, why would I be involved in it? I hate to break it to some of you but Neo-Pagan religions are not meant to be "scientific" and I say this despite my love for science.

An example of the latter emphasis on "research" as opposed to experience is the fact that I worship an old Irish Goddess named Macha. Macha is traditionally identified (in written accounts) as one of the triple aspects of the Morrigan. My personal experiences with Her lead me to know that She was also a triple aspected Goddess in Her own right; the Morrigan may be an aspect of Macha; and that She was a Goddess of the Earth, and of the Sun, with warfare and slaughter being only one aspect. I also learned that She tended toward the needs of Her adherents even healing them or protecting them. I learned all of this by experience with Her firstly, it was only later on, after reading old Irish and early modern Irish accounts and stories of Macha that I learned that my experiences with Her rang true with Gaelic traditions. But I still run into Pagans in America who tell me that I can't ask Macha to heal or nurture because She is one of the "Morrigan" and is therefore a Goddess of warfare. How dogmatic is that? I often say to such ignorant people "Did you not know that the sun is one of Macha's symbols?" I won't here get into my experiences with the Goddess Eris and how many people have tried to tell me "But that's not right. Eris is a Goddess of chaos!" (I have presented reams of writings about Eris and Discordianism to the world. You can track those down and read them for yourself.)

That above paragraph serves to illustrate my point about experience. Research is important, but it should not be the highest priority, otherwise we run the risk of making Pagan religions dry and merely academic exercises. Though my experience with Macha happily coincided with Gaelic accounts I found later(which is proof enough for me that She exists; like other deities), it is the experience one has in relationship with their deities that is most important. It helps to try to research as much as you can about deities. But never assume that the information you get about them from books or websites is the be all end all. Deities are living beings, remember?

Paganism is alive, remember?


November 11th, 2005
-Irreverend Hugh, KSC

Yes, my friends, this article is cross posted in many places. You are free to distribute this document, provided you include the credit (with the date). Be informed it is copyrighted in both my real name and in my Discordian name.

[Zurtok Khan]

C&Ped!

Now every Pagan in Utah will know about you Hugh.

Bwahahahaha.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

If you can't lay a serious whammy on shitheads who desperately need it, why bother?

[Buddha's Ghost Penis]

WE LAY WAMMIES AS IF THEY WERE CHEAP PROSTITUTES!

I MADE FUNNY!

[Cain]

I dont move in neo-pagan circles (unless I want to, besides I get dizzy quickly) but I'm guessing the fluffy backlash has turned in on itself?  Or is this more of a warning that it shouldn't happen and is something to be wary of?

[Verthaine]

As usual,a first rate essay.I just want to add my 2 cents in.

The first rule is that you must bash the threefold rule

I bash the three-fold rule all the time.And the reason I do it is because I know too many wiccans who take it way to literally.They actually think whatever they do will come back to them 3x's over automatically.
It is the same carrot & stick approach to social control that I despise the monotheists for doing.You can do all the good in the world,but thats not going to prevent fucked up shit from happening.And I know plenty of people who do fucked up shit and get away with it.As an Erisian I deal in probabilities.The more good I do the higher the probability that something good will happen when I need it the most(but thats not gaurenteed),like someone who I helped in the past returning the favor(again not gaurenteed.I' had people who I helped in the past turn thier backs on me when i needed then the most).The more bad I do the higher the probability of me becoming overconfident,which leads to sloppiness,which leads to the increased chance of making a mistake at the worse possible time.(again not gaurenteed.There a numerous serial killers who have never been caught.And plenty of murderous dictactors who lived long enough  to die of old age).

Finally, you must attack bitterly any of those poor benighted misinformed souls that still may believe in the Burning Times as literal truth.

While I acknowledge the truth of the "Burning times", what gets me is that many Wiccans I know(bolded to emphasize that I am not talking abouty all wiccans) fail to admit these facts.
1-More xtians were killed by xtians during the "Burning Times' than pagans.
2- Many Pagans were forcibly converted to xtianity en mass,not by the xtians,but by thier own pagan high priests,priestesses,and kings.Even I acknowledge the fact that many Africans profited from the slave trade.
3-The Ancient Pagans weren't the "paragons of virtue" many wiccans would like you to belive.They were just as intolerant,thieving,imperialist,sadistic,murderous as the Xtians were.The Xtians were better organized,thats all.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The first rule is that you must bash the threefold rule

I bash the three-fold rule all the time.And the reason I do it is because I know too many wiccans who take it way to literally.They actually think whatever they do will come back to them 3x's over automatically.

This is the correct ridiculous faith in universal justice.

[neongenesis816]

I use the golden ratio rool.  Anything I do will come back to me in a ratio of PHI, where I am X and the result Y = Xphi.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Verthaine, you do make some good points. And I agree with them. Especially the latter few about the "Burning Times"and the conversion.

It's just that a lot of people are now trying to impress their friends or other pagans with how "cool they are" by jumping on the bandwagon and bashing fluff bunnies without ever knowing what they are saying.

I run into a lot of self professed Wiccans who tell me that the 3 fold rule is bullshit but none of them can ever tell me in their own words why. They never thought about it. They just went on so-and-so's website and read about how silly such a rule is and now want to show how smart they are. (Most of these idiots wouldn't know a real fluff bunny if they met one, and many of them are simply reverse versions of fluff bunnies themselves.) My point is that people should use intelligence. The 3 fold rule says nothing about morality, constrictions, ethics, or any of that karmatic crap. It refers to an idea which mixes human psychology, emotions, and the physical world together....it is another way of saying that if you do an action, you will get a response. It's as simple as that.

Some of you who would bash a way of life simply because of running into some of the more silly or stupid members of that way of life are only being blinded by prejudice. What's the matter with differences?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

It's just that a lot of people are now trying to impress their friends or other pagans with how "cool they are" by jumping on the bandwagon and bashing fluff bunnies without ever knowing what they are saying.

If it's fluff, then why do you NEED to hear it?

Just asking.

TGRR,
Is just asking.

[DJRubberducky]

I don't necessarily think the threefold law is bullshit in and of itself, but I definitely think that most peoples' idea of what the threefold law means *is* bullshit.

This is actually a big sticking point when I discuss religion with my best friend.  She has more than once refused to do *anything* in retribution for a wrong, because the person "isn't worth it" as far as the bad karma she thinks she'd be racking up for doing something - she wants the universe/deity to dispense justice by means that are in no way connected to her.  Her husband and I, on the other hand, think that karma/threefold law can be as simple as you taking a swing at someone and that someone swinging back.

On the one hand, I can see where she's coming from because when you're emotionally connected to the situation, justice and vengeance start looking alike.  On the other hand, even when her method "works" from her perspective, *because* there's no way for the affected person to make a connection between the action and the consequence, there's no way for the person to deduce that maybe they shouldn't take those actions again.  Since I can't know for sure if last year's enigmatic car troubles were related to wishing visceral harm on the fucker who stole my husband's laptop, I'm not likely to stop wishing visceral harm on folks who fuck with me or my loved ones.  And she certainly hasn't stopped to ponder whether her job frustrations are a consequence of her lying about where she lives for purposes of automotive insurance and inspection, even though that sort of connection would make perfect sense within her "no tracing it back to me" framework of karma/divine justice.

EDITED to acknowledge that there is in both presented perspectives the assumption of some outside entity interested in teaching lessons, and that this assumption may well be the golden nugget of bullshit we need to weed out.  You have your delusions, I have mine.  We can do worse.

[LMNO]

As an Erisian I deal in probabilities.

This, to me, is a truth that it seems many do not understand.

I try to deal with everything as a probability.

More people should do this.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

I don't necessarily think the threefold law is bullshit in and of itself, but I definitely think that most peoples' idea of what the threefold law means *is* bullshit.

This is actually a big sticking point when I discuss religion with my best friend.  She has more than once refused to do *anything* in retribution for a wrong, because the person "isn't worth it" as far as the bad karma she thinks she'd be racking up for doing something - she wants the universe/deity to dispense justice by means that are in no way connected to her.  Her husband and I, on the other hand, think that karma/threefold law can be as simple as you taking a swing at someone and that someone swinging back.

On the one hand, I can see where she's coming from because when you're emotionally connected to the situation, justice and vengeance start looking alike.  On the other hand, even when her method "works" from her perspective, *because* there's no way for the affected person to make a connection between the action and the consequence, there's no way for the person to deduce that maybe they shouldn't take those actions again.  Since I can't know for sure if last year's enigmatic car troubles were related to wishing visceral harm on the fucker who stole my husband's laptop, I'm not likely to stop wishing visceral harm on folks who fuck with me or my loved ones.  And she certainly hasn't stopped to ponder whether her job frustrations are a consequence of her lying about where she lives for purposes of automotive insurance and inspection, even though that sort of connection would make perfect sense within her "no tracing it back to me" framework of karma/divine justice.

EDITED to acknowledge that there is in both presented perspectives the assumption of some outside entity interested in teaching lessons, and that this assumption may well be the golden nugget of bullshit we need to weed out.  You have your delusions, I have mine.  We can do worse.

Actually I agree with this. Especially your first statement. Many people's ideas about the threefold law (both its detractors and its supporters) are complete bullshit.

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

Right, if someone is going to say you can't do any magic if there could be any negative consequences, then don't do magic at all.  It is just as fair to do something positive for someone who treated you positively as it is to do something negative to someone who treated you negatively.  The universe might be able to take care of it, but you'll feel a lot better  

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Right, if someone is going to say you can't do any magic if there could be any negative consequences, then don't do magic at all.  It is just as fair to do something positive for someone who treated you positively as it is to do something negative to someone who treated you negatively.  The universe might be able to take care of it, but you'll feel a lot better  

People who do all that "light and love and never cast hexes" sort of thinking are simply afraid of owning up to being alive.