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The Art of the Brag.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, January 26, 2003, 09:53:58 PM

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#30
June 06, 2007, 03:20:42 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 27, 2003, 07:06:07 AM
Now THAT'S what the hell I'm talking about!  This is a woman after my own heart! 

ANYONE ELSE GOT THE GUTS TO SPEW A RANT?

ITT TGRR's first PD crush, Her Royal Highness Princess Kateallerina Contessa Francesca Bananarama Bobesca Etcetera.

Fuck she sounds hot.
- So the New World Order does not actually exist?
- Oh it exists, and how!
Ask the slaves whose labour built the White House;
Ask the slaves of today tied down to sweatshops and brothels to escape hunger;
Ask most women, second class citizens, in a pervasive rape culture;
Ask the non-human creatures who inhabit the planet:
whales, bears, frogs, tuna, bees, slaughtered farm animals;
Ask the natives of the Americas and Australia on whose land
you live today, on whose graves your factories, farms and neighbourhoods stand;
ask any of them this, ask them if the New World Order is true;
they'll tell you plainly: the New World Order... is you!

Shibboleet The Annihilator

#31
June 07, 2007, 06:40:52 AM
Judging by the post I read she would have gotten flamed if today's posters were around back then.

The Good Reverend Roger

#32
June 07, 2007, 06:51:52 AM
Quote from: Ten Ton Mantis on June 07, 2007, 06:40:52 AM
Judging by the post I read she would have gotten flamed if today's posters were around back then.

Different day and age.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Shibboleet The Annihilator

#33
June 07, 2007, 06:52:56 AM
I'll say.

Shibboleet The Annihilator

#34
June 07, 2007, 06:53:32 AM
Makes me wonder how this era of posts will look in 4 or 5 years...

The Good Reverend Roger

#35
June 07, 2007, 06:55:56 AM
Quote from: Ten Ton Mantis on June 07, 2007, 06:53:32 AM
Makes me wonder how this era of posts will look in 4 or 5 years...

HAW HAW!  I'll consider myself lucky if I have ELECTRICITY that long.

And those older posters?  Shit.  I had such high hopes.  Then they all buggered off to run imaginary countries.

Scarred me for life.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#36
March 24, 2008, 01:37:49 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 26, 2003, 09:56:10 PM
THE BRAG OF THE DISCORDIAN SUBGENIUS

Siddown, Billy, and lemme tell you who I am! 

I am THE MAN!  Where I walk, the grass doesn't grow, OUT OF RESPECT!  When I travel, the elderly and the children cheer, while the unrighteous cringe!  I view the slurs of @ssholes as a BENEDICTION!  Soda machines give free pop when I pass near!  The Gawds themselves cross the road when they see me!  Anything for a frickin' laugh, and the lesser mortals around me are NO EXCEPTION!  Nothing bothers me, I BOTHER IT!  I am the Grand Unified Theory, the walking incarnation of Slack, the terror that walks in the night!  I am feared in all the wrong circles, and I eat my metaphoric dead!  I wipe the establishment off my shoes when I go in the house!  Elvis isn't dead, HE SHINES MY SHOES!  I age backwards!  I spit in the eye of the HSD just for KICKS!  I play frisbee with MANHOLE COVERS!  I kick habits while the nuns are still in them!  I blow my NOSE on the terror of the Gawds!  Robert Redford greens with envy when I pass by!  I gave the Dalhi Lama "third eye blowout"!  I chew barbed wire, and shyt quarters!  Gawd himself put off armageddon because I'm so cool he couldn't bear for the universe to end!  I am that Seven-headed beastie that St John jabbered about, I ain't the Alpha, but I AM the OMEGA! Get outta my way because

(at this point, the Good Reverend blew an o-ring, and conked out on his keyboard.  He will finish his brag at a later time.)

<transmission ends>

Man up, bitches.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Doktor Loki

#37
March 24, 2008, 06:09:55 AM
TREMBLE BEFORE ME, LITTLE EARTH BEINGS!  My footsteps turn the ground into fucking pudding.  I have more hair on me than the rest of my Fucking STATE!  I walk into a room, and people SWOON at the sight of my mane!  The Sinless vomit up their fucking LUNGS in my presence!  The sheer volume of my voice is enough to bring RUIN to any situation!  I speak, and congregations gather to hang on every word of my anti-wisdom!  I ACTUALLY HAVE a third nostril!  I have the strength to hurl cars, but unlike Sampson my powers are not diminished by the removal of my locks (glorious though they may be)!  This would simply ENRAGE me, causing me to Hulk out and break the continent.  AND WE DONT WANT THAT, DO WE?!
Hell, I stole the name of Eris' Norse brother, and no retribution has befallen me!  Shit, I'm so badass "Bob" even let me hit his pipe. Stang just wrote that shit about it burning that bobbie cuz he's butthurt that "Bob" wouldn't share with him, too.
Not a Doctor?  Why, of course I'm a Doctor!  Why else would I have this scalpel?      ~Doctor Mad

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man."
- William Shakespeare

"If you hear crazy voices in your head which tell you to do something, even something evil, YOU'D BETTER FUCKING DO IT BECAUSE IT MIGHT BE GOD." - Soren Keirkegaard

The Good Reverend Roger

#38
March 24, 2008, 11:05:46 PM
Quote from: Doktor Loki on March 24, 2008, 06:09:55 AM
TREMBLE BEFORE ME, LITTLE EARTH BEINGS!  My footsteps turn the ground into fucking pudding.  I have more hair on me than the rest of my Fucking STATE!  I walk into a room, and people SWOON at the sight of my mane!  The Sinless vomit up their fucking LUNGS in my presence!  The sheer volume of my voice is enough to bring RUIN to any situation!  I speak, and congregations gather to hang on every word of my anti-wisdom!  I ACTUALLY HAVE a third nostril!  I have the strength to hurl cars, but unlike Sampson my powers are not diminished by the removal of my locks (glorious though they may be)!  This would simply ENRAGE me, causing me to Hulk out and break the continent.  AND WE DONT WANT THAT, DO WE?!
Hell, I stole the name of Eris' Norse brother, and no retribution has befallen me!  Shit, I'm so badass "Bob" even let me hit his pipe. Stang just wrote that shit about it burning that bobbie cuz he's butthurt that "Bob" wouldn't share with him, too.

:mittens:

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Reginald Ret

#39
March 26, 2008, 12:37:00 AM
I am the reason black holes never swallowed this solar system, in fact one of those sneaky buggers tried once but I ate it and then shat out the sun! yeah motherfuckers I made the sun! I made all the planets too, well except for uranus because i was born with that! thats right i am the only person who is allowed to call that planet myanus! In the beginning i held them together using willpower but that got annoying so i just told the laws of physics to act like there exists a particle called a graviton! Fuck Yeah I'm the reason the physicists are grasping at sraws with all their strange new particles! HA the joke is on them! no such particle exists! gravity happens because i said so dammit!
Ever wonder why the giant ferns and the dinosaurs went extinct? well thats because I used the ferns to wipe myanus after shitting out the sun, and after that i ate the dinosaurs as dessert! And no i didn't have to wash my hands first because my cells are better at assimilation than the borg! Remember the two world wars? i was taking a nap and ahd a bad dream. I'd apologize but that would mean me being wrong and i can't be because morality is so scared of me it'll change into a random set of rules to avoid coming into conflict with me! You know death? tall dude, black robe and scythe? Well i play chess with him, and i let him beat me everytime just to prove that he's scared of me! He probably heard of the time i killed the last Jabberwocky with my hands tied behind my back and the vorpal blade stuck through my heart.
I don't need alcohol I can get drunk just by willing it! besides my amazing constitution makes it impossible for me to become intoxicated! Sounds like a contradiction? well it is! but only for you maggots, logic shits her pants when i come along! Only Eris isn't scared of me but she's mad as a hatter and besides she scares me, always laughing at me...
Lord Byron: "Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves."

Nigel saying the wisest words ever uttered: "It's just a suffix."

"The worst forum ever" "The most mediocre forum on the internet" "The dumbest forum on the internet" "The most retarded forum on the internet" "The lamest forum on the internet" "The coolest forum on the internet"

Richter

#40
April 29, 2008, 03:31:38 PM
What in the hell are you doing?  Lollygaging at my presence like an undereducated suburbanite.  Yes, I'm often awed too by such a fine example hybridization, but this isn't art appreciation time jacko!
I take no time for your human bullshit.  Bureaucrats only work over me for the time it takes for me to work around them.  Your drama doesn't accomplish jack, so don't expect me to pay attention while you run your little screaming skits.     
Need the balls to pull off your own hilarity?  I'll lend you some.  I got five.  It's Santa's bag down there, and I'm damn the testicle Easter Bunny.
I can joke with bikers about sleeping with their kids, and done it with the charisma to still be alive and un stomped after.
I'll live like a Spartan and eat like an Inuit, but I don't let the stoicism go to my head.  I can enjoy myself, and not just cultivate better misery. 
Drunk?  Hallucinating?  Don't start thinking I use the common man's intoxicants in the common mans' way.  Every second out of my head is spent appreciating the new arrangement of the old headbones, which I'll drag back to sobriety to bare to the screaming and fawning populace.
I'm always outnumbered, but never outgunned, a MacGyver who actually goes out prepared once in awhile.
I can walk myself through most anything, and will pull my compatriots out however possible.
Even after things have gone REALLY bad, I'll still be able to crack a joke about it. 
"Fuck 'em if the can't take a joke." – "Bob"
Who's got something that stacks up?  Well?!
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Contessa_Ugolino

#41
April 30, 2008, 08:06:26 AM
My mount is a wolf. My drinking horn is a barrel. My boots are made of the flesh of the jarls of my enemies.

I pick my teeth with Shamshir-e Zomorrodnegar. I wipe my feet on the Golden Fleece. I keep my weed in the Ark of the Covenant.

I wove Gleipnir. I sewed the Babr-e Bayan. I forged Durendal with my fucking eyes closed.

I met a tanuki on the road and wore his cock down to a nub.

I shot a man in Reno just 'cause I was high.
WE'RE PROBABLY NOT AS JUDGMENTAL AS YOU MIGHT THINK.

Cainad (dec.)

#42
April 30, 2008, 08:44:09 AM
God didn't send the forty days and nights of rain to eliminate the evil in humanity. He sent it to eliminate ME, and it ain't my fault that ol' Beardy McJehovah can't kill off a fucker properly. And Noah could have just gone for higher ground, but he didn't want to be cornered with me stomping around.

There's a big-ass volcano just a short plane trip from where I live, and you wanna know why it hasn't blown up since I've been here? It's because it's fucking SCARED. It emptied its molten bowels right back into the fucking mantle of the Earth itself. It'll erupt when I say so, and the first monkeyshit excuse for a human to actually get on my nerves (which is not easy, since the electrical impulses in my nervous system run at about 16 gigawatts) is getting a face full of lava.

I am the one stealing that sock out of your dryer all the time, and I do it just to fuck with you.

Paperwork fills itself out in my presence. Traffic flows smoothly when I'm around, or else I personally get rid of the traffic... with my bare hands. Fruit instantly ripens to perfection in my hands, out of SHEER TERROR of what I'll do if I bite into a bitter banana.

AND THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT HAD TO TURN OFF THE BUG THEY PLANTED ON MY WATER HEATER BECAUSE THEY WERE GETTING NIGHTMARES FROM THE FEEDBACK.

I am what all the anti-Semites are afraid of. I am a hook-nosed, curly-haired, brown-eyed terror, and I always let my enemies get a head start because I'd die of boredom otherwise.

Adios

#43
April 30, 2008, 12:46:32 PM
I don't walk because the world obeys my thoughts and comes to me. My eyes cause the fabric of creation itself to tremble lest i turn my gaze towards it. Mighty oak trees bow before my presence. My words can turn rock into molten lava. My thoughts are commands that all the universes obey instantly. I am not god, I consider him an insignificant little twit and he stays the hell out of my way because he knows if he pisses me off I will take his toy away and end his existence.


AND THE ONLY FUCKING REASON I HAVEN'T KILLED TGRR IS BECAUSE HE AMUSES ME!

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#44
April 30, 2008, 06:12:20 PM Last Edit: April 30, 2008, 06:14:27 PM by Nigel
My hat is made from the prolapsed vaginas of my enemies. Those who were not born naturally with vaginas had vaginas manually installed with my bare hands prior to prolapse. I never buy meat because everything I eat turns into bacon in my mouth, except when it turns into raw, tender buffalo steak. I shit candy and blackbirds, and the blackbirds pluck out the eyes of those who look at me in a displeasing manner, and lay them at my feet on a bed of onions. It is this which I use to make soup to feed my children, who are the lords of evil thoughts, the Underworld, and The Top of The Bottom, the tiny crevice through which all horrors creep bound to the legs of centipedes, to be shaken loose like the eggs of lice into the minds of the susceptible, the unwary, virgins, and the pathetic.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

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