Rev Thwack's Story Corner

[Rev Thwack]

I don't think I ever told any of you this, but it was a rather interesting chain of events that brought me here. I had been sitting at work doing my daily routine of downloading porn and flogging the log, when this beautiful woman walked into my office. Now I kind of expected her to start complaining about the fact that there was a picture of some 12 year old asian girl getting a horse dick up the ass on the monitor and my wedding tackle held firmly in my hand. I guess her 90-something years on this planet were interesting ones, for instead of telling me how it was wrong for me to be engaged so, she decided break out some camping equipment she had and started cooking pancakes over a gas stove. Well, if there is anything in this world that I enjoy more than a good wank to underage beastiality, it's pancakes. The smell was completly overpowering... I forgot what I had been doing and turned around, standing too fast without letting go and removing my rod for about the 7th time that week. Needless to say, I was a bit miffed because I knew that I had used the last of my superglue to stick the cat to the celing. With a shrug I threw my dis-member over my back where it glanced off of my lube bottle that had been sitting on top of my monitor. It took a few minutes, but the goo must have shorted out something because the montior imploded with a deafining lack of noise. I never noticed the fire that started engulfing my desk (and french poodle pieces) due to the wonderful taste of the pancakes that I was enjoying. I don't think I ever would have noticed it, if it hadn't been for the fact that the 90-something year old woman ran out of the office screaming about the fire just as I finished a pancake. I instantly considered it my civic duty to track her down and make sure she was ok, since she had taken the pancakes with her. Using my keen sense of smell that I had inherited from my sheepdog father, I followed the 90-something year old woman around the block and down the street, placing me about two blocks away when the first crate of grenades exploded back in my office. It didn't take much longer for me to catch up to her, and with a mighty yell I landed on her back, knocking her to the ground and breaking her left hip. With shouts of "Gimme the pancakes, Bitch!" and "Cook if you want to live!", I continued my morning breakfast of pancakes cooked over a gas stove by a terrified and broken 90-something year old woman. I was completly enjoying my pancakes, and had no moral problems with killing the cop that came to see if we were alright... after all, he should have known better than to ask for a pancake. Well, a few gunfights and many pancakes later, the 90-something year old woman ran out of pancake batter, so of course she had to die. I kind of wandered the street alone for a bit since everyone was either dead or running away. It didn't bother me that I was alone... it kind of felt right that I should be feeling a longing for companionship as well as the longing for pancakes so recently cooked by a 90-something year old woman who is now slumped over dead in the street from a few dozen gunshot wounds to the head.



I still miss those pancakes to this day.

[Bella]

Thwak, you are truly my hero!  
This is such a lovely, heart - warming story.
It has everything a zombie could ask for.......blood and gore, and pancakes, and poodles, and body parts all over the place, and more pancakes, and computers, and fire, and pancakes, and mayhem and gunfire and pancakes.  I note you also threw in some porn just for yourself.  

PS: We always wondered what happened to Granny. Her pancakes were wonderful, weren't they? Sigh........

PPS: What flavor was the syrup?

[Rev Thwack]

Maple syrup... and only a light brushing at that... didn't want to distract from the taste of the pancakes.



Oh, and I might put up another one of my little life adventures later tonight... depends on how long it takes me to slip away from the ward.

[Bella]

Mmmmmmm.........maple is the best.  Butter too I assume?

I await your next story with antici..........pation.

[riff]

I await your next story with antici.....

Say it!  Consti

.....pation.

Thank you!

[Bella]

Oh Man........ I really walked into that one.  
I sssssoooooo should have known better with the Karma Manager around.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Publish.

Now.

[Bella]

I agree with the rev, Rev. You should publish.

PS: Where's the promised sequel?

[Rev Thwack]

sorry, my brain has kind of been on vacation to Haiti for a bit. I had to go thru and steal a seaplane (to keep from being a pirate of course) to fly there and get it back. Of course the fact that as soon as I landed a freaking shark decided to take a bite out of the tail of the plane didn't help me to get off the island, so I ended up having to steal a boat after all. I started to make my way back, but the whole pirate thing overcame me and the next thing I knew I was naked and upside-down in a keg of rum. Well, It's kind of needless to say, but I didn't exactly take a direct route back after that, since the rum was still with me (and yes, just in case you were wondering, it was the dark side of the rum). I sailed around for a bit, hunting humpback whales with dynamite enhanced harpoons, but after the 4th time completly pissing off a greenpeace boat and having to turn the harpoon on them, I kind of got tired of that whole route. I'm still not for sure what happened next (besides the fact that I found a second, third, fourth, and fifth barrel of rum), but when I woke up in China I was wearing chaps and a barret, not to mention the sore ass. Since I was always fond of chinese food, I decide to pay a little homage to Hugh and I tried to eat the whole country. I guess I shouldn't have started with that nice 19 year old virgin, because the next thing I knew I was being chased by a bunch of angry villagers who where shouting something that I couldn't understand. They only chased me for a few miles, so nothing bad happened there, which is a good thing for them because after about a mile after they gave up I managed to find this nice little military base filled with people that were not quite for sure to do about someone running at them and constantly changing colors. For some reason they decided that the best course of action was to fire at me, but as we all know that is a giant mistake because you should never fire at a being that can move in more than three dimensions. Was kind of interesting watching their reactions as I seemingly vanished from where I had been only to appear a few feet away and still closing. I decided to take pity on them and instead of killing them all in many different ways that are too horrible to describe here, I just left behind my last piece of prarie squid bait... was even funnier watching them react to the hordes that decended upon them that is was to watch them see my antics. For some reason the whole thing reminded me of a week from next tuesday, so I went forward to pay a little visit to Penumbral and warn him about the ensuing case of VD... oh wait... now I know how he already knew about it... damn... should have realized that sooner, huh? Oh well.... the rest of how I got back here to Korea is kind of dull and booring, except for that little bit about the thanksgiving float and the sweedish cheerleaders, but I don't think everyone needs to know why they are having a hard time finding jello at the store. Oh well. I guess I will get a follow up to my first story done soon. It's good to be back everyone.

[Rev Thwack]

Hey guys. sorry I havn't been able to post anything here for a bit... been gone lately due to some unforseen circumstances involving aliens and the Bush twins. I would go into it, but I have to go get to the doctors now and see if he has anything for this rash. I will post another story soon.

[Rev Thwack]

Oh, you want another story do you? I see how it is. No "where have you been Thwack" or "You ok Thwack?" just right to the "give us the stories Thwack"... well, how about I sit you down right here and give you a little story... a story of your demise! Bet you would like that one, huh? Well how about if I just came over to your house and acted it out for you! Still like it then? thought not. Fuck off!

[Rev Thwack]

Hey all. Nice to see that people enjoyed the first one. Should have another up soon... just been a bit busy lately so I havn't had the time to sit down and write something. You should see me on more often these next few weeks. Don't worry, working on a good one for you all now.

[Rev Thwack]

Oh sure, sit around and poke fun of the guy with no writing skills. You know, I never asked for anyone to tell me it was good (trust me, I know it wasn't), but you didn't have to be mean and make fun of me for it. I was just trying to do my best to entertain you and maby bring a little bit of laughter into your day. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to have someone make fun of you when you are trying to do your best? Just because I might seem joyfull and maby a bit out there doesn't mean that I don't have feeling too.

[Rev Thwack]

heh... heheheh.... here we go.... heheh..






POOP!




heheheh.

[Rev Thwack]

But the rat is already dead, why do you want me to hit it again?