Rev Thwack's Story Corner

[Rev Thwack]

It's the cans... they're conspiring again. There are 4 of them on my desk... well, 5 of them, but the main 4 have shuned the diet coke can. That doesn't matter though.
I don't know what it is that they are planing. I know it's not going to be something good... it never is when the welch's grape cans are involved. Last time they tied me up while I was asleep. I can only sit and wonder in horror as to what they are gunning for this time. You might ask, "why don't you just throw them out?", but it's not that easy. It's never that easy. You see, the trash can helps them. He's the strongest of the bunch, and that's why they are not with him right now. It's a catch-22.... throw them into the garbage can and hope for the best, or leave them here on my desk where they are weaker, but have less work to do. Plus I now have to see them. It starts to get to you. At first, you think it's just your imagination... that can was always facing that direction, the pepsi can was always behind the welch's can. Then you start to realize that you are not just imagining this. It would be easier that way. I can deal with halucinations, they never seem to get to me. But not the cans. I never know what is going to get me first, them, or the nervous waiting... sitting and watching for them to make their move. It's almost enough to make you break down in tears.
The minutes are creeping by slower and slower. This happens every time. The more it starts to get to me, the longer time takes. I only have one hour left before I go... One hour until I can put the cans in the dumpster and be safe. They know this too. Sometimes they wait longer than others, pushing their luck that I am not going to leave early. There have even been a few times that I have managed to escape them that way. I can't count on it though. If I let my guard down, they will make their move. More and more I understand how an inmate on death row must feel... not knowing when the time will come, but knowing that it's not far off. It's never far off, not with the cans. Both of the Welch's cans are empty... their tops broken and their fluids drained. I know that's why they are after me. Tonight, I'm not that worried about them. Tonight the bad ones are the Pepsi cans. They've been broken, they've been drained... I've been using them as spit cups for my dip. I can hear the Pepsi cans tonight. They are usualy all quiet. They plan in almost pure silence. Not tonight though... tonight they want me to know they are coming. I close my eyes to blink and they are closer. I can almost smell their aluminum bodies now. I wish they woud just go ahead and get it over with. My hands are shaking to the point that I can barely type. All I want is for them to leave me alone, but they won't. Tonight, the cans will have their way.

[Penumbral]

   
I'm in love with that story. It will be my next monologue.

I was in your secound story. : ) : )

[Bella]

I'm in love with this story, too.  Empty pepsi cans scare me, and cans with tobacco spit are the worst. I shudder to imagine what they do to you, Thwak.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

No pancakes???

[Rev Thwack]

not all of my stories involve pancakes... just the ones that you like the best.

[Rev Thwack]

Well folks, here it is. I have managed to go a day where althought I was active on the forum, I didn't post a story. Looks like today is either a bright or bleak day for Thwackkind, depending entirely of course on how you view such ventures. Yep.... a interesting day indeed.

Kind of surprised I was able to pull it off. Seems like every time I am here I keep hearing that call... the people (well, some of them anyway) want my stories, part of me wants to give my stories, hell, I'm starting to think that the program that runs the board want's them too. It's times like these that a man starts to feel loved... well, that and pressured into something that he used to just do for the hell of it. So, with all this call for them, how did I manage not to submit? Funny you should ask that. You see, althought I was checking up on what was being said and contributing the occasional word association tonight, I was also spending a good bit of my time doing actual work. Yes, and during this work I found out a rather interesting fact. Now, I know that some of you might not believe this, and I know that there are some of you that won't believe that I didn't already know this, but tonight I discovered that if you take an ordinary hamster, give it a frontal lobotomy, inject it with nanobots designed to alter it's DNA in a specific patern, inject it with a slightly radioactive mixture of Vitamin B12 and Red Bull, then wait a few minutes, the hamster will start to grow. Now, keep in mind that this is not considered a dangerous experiment since the hamster has been lobotomized and hence has absolutly no ill will twords anything, except maby the occasional snack. The hamster did continue to grow a bit longer than I expected, which left me with the unenviable task of having to explain to my boss why what used to be my office, along with the rest of the building, is now nothing more than crushed rubble shreaded into nicely small bits that are being used as hamster bedding material. I don't think that he bought my story about aliens from the vast unknown marauding as renegade geneticist, but that didn't matter for long as he was standing in a rather unopportune location and I didn't feel like digging thru the mound of fecal matter that he found himself under.

You know, althought I felt a strong affection for the hamster before, I think I truly love him now that he has buried my boss under a pile of shit. I will always miss the hamster, but at least he tasted good.

[Bella]

I had a hamster once, but all he did was chew his way through the wires of his cage, and escape into a hole in the wall where he lived for quite some time. He finally came out .......and the cat ate him. Very sad.....and not nearly as good an ending as the story above.

PS: I will stop clamoring for stories now in the hopes that Thwak will continue to churn them out for the pure joy of it, instead of feeling pressured to do so.

[RedStar]

heh... heheheh.... here we go.... heheh..






POOP!




heheheh.

Two words...lemon sours

[Rev Thwack]

PS: I will stop clamoring for stories now in the hopes that Thwak will continue to churn them out for the pure joy of it, instead of feeling pressured to do so.

Doesn't bother me, was just having a bit of a bad night and ended up taking it out on requests for more stories. I'll try not to do that in the future... oh, and I will try to getting around to putting up another story. I know that I've only put two up so far. I need to stop coming up with excuses as to why I am not posting more stories, huh?

[Billy Bob]

what the hell is this shit? i have no idea what kind of a reverend you are, but you write like you are on drugs. can't believe they would let you preach somewhere. i know my church would run you out in a heartbeat.

[Rev Thwack]

Ok, whatever asshat did this better hope that I don't find out.... I swear I will sick Hotsuma on you faster than you can blink.

[Rev Thwack]

ARRHG!!!!!!!!



No matter what I do, I now have that fucking post stuck in my thread! My story corner has been corrupted. The taint of redneck has crept in. This is an evil that cannot be expunged, and what was once my holy ground has been defiled.

For you, my dear readers, I will do my best to carry on, despite this.... A long road waits before me now.

I only hope that I will be able to once again transform this into the nirvana it was.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

what the hell is this shit? i have no idea what kind of a reverend you are, but you write like you are on drugs. can't believe they would let you preach somewhere. i know my church would run you out in a heartbeat.

Wait 'til you get a load of me...

Funny thing is, I *AM* a Reverend in real life.

[SMFabal]

I'm a fully credentialed Minister in two different churches.

[Guido Finucci]

I suppose that it isn't worth pointing out that I am a Pope, is it?