Larry King Interview

[Enrico Salazar]

Is transcript:


KING:  Enrico Salazar, former leader of the island nation of Salazore is with us tonight--

SALAZAR:  Generalissimo, pig.

KING:  Generalissimo, ok.  Sorry.  Generalissimo Enrico Salazar is with us tonight--

SALAZAR:  Generalissimo Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar, thank you very much, pig.  Is respect.

KING:  Generalissimo Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar.  Sorry.  Generalissimo Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar is with us tonight, fresh from a stint as a judge on So You Think You Can Sing.  Do you enjoy music, Enrico?  Can I call you Enrico?

SALAZAR:  You can call me anything you want, snuggle-undies.  Just don't call Enrico 'late to bed'.  (chuckles)

KING:  Ok, I won't.

SALAZAR:  Was joke, swine.  No sense of humor you don't have?  Laugh.

KING:  I'm laughing, Enrico.  So do you?

SALAZAR:  Does Enrico what?

KING:  Do you enjoy music.

SALAZAR:  This is question you ask great political leader?  You American swine, in Enrico's homeland you would be hanged by eyelids.  But, yes, Enrico loves the music.  He often sings Stooge's Funhouse while doing dishes.

KING:  Who is Dishes?

SALAZAR:  Eh?

KING:  Sorry, that was just a little joke.  Some Salazorian humor, if you will.

SALAZAR:  Enrico will not.  Was not joke, was embarrassment.  You are real journalist?

KING:  Not really.  Ok, let's get down to politics.  Would you have done what President Bush did? Would you have sent troops in to Iraq that quickly?

SALAZAR:  Troops are for pussy.  Enrico would have put together small group of like-minded mammy-jammers armed to skin of teeth, burrowed underground and come up in f*cker's toilet.  Make shish-kabob of him.  What you think happened to Jimmy Hoffa?

KING:  Are you saying you had something to do with the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa?

SALAZAR:  Who is Jimmy Hoffa?

KING: One of the things we were talking about during the break -- a lot of people wonder what do you talk about during the break -- we were talking about one of the most difficult things about being a politician is dealing with all the death.  And a lot of people have fun with you, comics have had fun with you. Is that for you frustrating to know that you've tried to do your best and yet are portrayed in the media as a monster?

SALAZAR: No.  Is funny.  The Monster was Enrico's momo's nickname for him when he was little maggot.  Some people should die, that's just unconscious knowledge.

KING:  Anyone in particular?  (laughs)

SALAZAR:  You, Larry.  (laughs)  But, seriously, you should die.

KING: How is your health?

SALAZAR:   Enrico has the constitution of a Doberman.

KING: Ann Coulter was telling me a few months back, and we may never have known this, how close you came to dying. She said three times close.

SALAZAR: That was when Enrico was shot.  Is bullsh*t.  Enrico eats scrap metal and spits out bullet.  Was like mosquito stings.

KING: Were you aware that you were that close?

SALAZAR: Are you listening to Enrico, f*ggot?

KING: Did you enjoy writing the book?

SALAZAR:  Nice segue.  Yes, Enrico loves the children and loves writing for them.  Little children need lessons on how to live, so Enrico wrote "Do Like This, Sl*t!" for the kiddies.  Now they know the correct Enrico way to tie shoelaces, write words and smoke cigarettes.

KING: Back to things, things current. At one time in your administration, this comes out, you supported Saddam Hussein.

SALAZAR:  Yes.  I still do, swine.  He bowls 400.  Enrico has no idea how he does that.  Also, he has a tremendous singing voice.  He should be on You Think You Can Sing.

KING: Do you regret siding with Hussein?

SALAZAR: You are not listening, are you swine?  Why are you looking at those teleprompters?  Will they give you answer to why you are such a hog?  Hogs actually have more use than you, smegma.

KING:  We can continue this conversation after we come back from a commercial break, we are with Gen--

SALAZAR:  You suck on t*ttie of commercialism and ask me to--  I cut you, you swine.  I cut your f*cking throat out -- you take Generalissimo Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar off to put on Dr. f*cking Phil?  Is travesty -- this is -- COME HERE!

(SALAZAR lunges at KING across table with knife in hand)

(cut to commercial)

[the other anonymous]

400/10

[East Coast Hustle]

best.


post.


evar.

[Bella]

This is so beautiful, Enr!co.



What did you do with King's body?
Can I have the heart?

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

This is so beautiful, Enr!co.



What did you do with King's body?
Can I have the heart?

I think one if his ex wives got custody of that already  

[Enrico Salazar]

This is so beautiful, Enr!co.



What did you do with King's body?
Can I have the heart?

Unfortunately the swine lived.  For some reason they had cattle-prod at hand that night.  It didn't hurt Enrico, but it made all his fillings fall out.  Gold fillings.  Not cheap.

He blacked out for a second, and when he awoke he was in a field in middle of nowhere.  Enrico thought he might have got King, but he was on again next night.

Is sad.

But, Enrico will get him again, nobody fucks with Enrico Salazar and lives.  He will give Bella the heart when he gets him.

[neongenesis816]

Thanks fer da laughs .  That was t3h foonAY!

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

I saw that episode the other night on CNN, had a good laugh.

But seriously Enrico, throwing knives are a much better choice for concealed carry; you could've put one right in between his glasses and nobody would've been able to stop you in time.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

[Subtract Eight!]

mmmmmmmmmmmm

tastes goooooooood

[The seer]

     

Enr!co If you ever need work I have a job for you as a PR officer for me.

[One-Eyed Thayne Magee]

whatcha do next time enricco is grab him by the suspenders with one hand and push hard with the other hand. when he reaches the end of the elastic and snaps back, he'll practically skewer himself for you. do it quick enough and the bastards won't be able to stun you in time.

[Enrico Salazar]

But seriously Enrico, throwing knives are a much better choice for concealed carry; you could've put one right in between his glasses and nobody would've been able to stop you in time.

Enrico is embarrassed to admit that he was actually caught by surprise. Usually his knife throwing techniques are beyond excellent.  After all, it is how Enrico's momo died.  And quickly, he might add.

Enr!co If you ever need work I have a job for you as a PR officer for me.

Enrico always needs work.  People don't use freelance photographers for intimate portraits as much as you may imagine.  

Enrico will take the job, he's a goddam people-person.

whatcha do next time enricco is grab him by the suspenders with one hand and push hard with the other hand. when he reaches the end of the elastic and snaps back, he'll practically skewer himself for you. do it quick enough and the bastards won't be able to stun you in time.

Is good plan!  You are monster after Enrico's heart.  This faggot will go far.

[Baron Von Stevenstein]

Enric0, your my hero!

[Enrico Salazar]

Enric0, your my hero!

And Enrico does not know you, but feels that he would not find your presence completely objectional.

He loves ever fucker, after all.

Now bend over.