The Troof about Discordians is very hard for many people to take. Mainly because many of them are idiots from the land of Thud, who spew the same shit out of their mouth as they do out of their asses. Fluffy bunnies detest Discordians. We deserve it of course, there's nothing quite as fun as dismantling the weak-minded world view of a bunch of new-age neohippies who think that they can free the world by thinking thoughts of love and light (and of course by buying all the stones, tarot cards, and various other magical accoutrement's possible, not to mention all the Silver RavenWolf books that can be easily bought at Barnes and Noble). A note to Fluffy Bunnies, you will never free anyone by giving in.
So, here is what you should never expect from a Discordian (of course, many of them will give it to you anyway, just to see what happens):
1 - Sympathy. We know you've caused most of your own problems. Get a life that involves something other then bitching and moaning to us. Of course, there are some people that have REAL problems, and most of us feel sorry for kids with Downs Syndrome. Well, maybe on some level of which we are not aware.
2 - Manners. Many of us think many of the niceties that society has set down are laughable. Most of us have basic manners, and won't shit on your chest (unless you make us angry...or ask us nicely). But really, if you look bad (and don't have something we happen to be sympathetic towards) we will probably tell you. Partly because it will be fun. Partly because many of us feel that honesty is the best policy (but only while everyone else is lying).
3 - Agreeability. This sort of ties in to Manners up above. Just because all of your stupid little friends think that your ideas are great, does not mean that we will, do, or have to. If it looks like a pile of shit, and smells like a pile of shit, I will tell you that it's a pile of shit. We don't care if we hurt your feelings (unless of course you happen to be in the loophole of #1). Sometimes we agree just to see how absurdly far you will take it, because it is fun for us. But, please remember, we are all very lazy (the SubGenii have inserted mind probes into all of us...) and you're probably not worth the effort.
4 - Work. We do what we want to do when we want to do it. (unless of course it falls under the important previsions of #1 and #2). You are probably not worth the amount of effort it would take to get a result. If you happen to be smart enough, you can probably get us to do something by suggesting that it's close enough to what we're doing anyway. Most of you are not that smart, so give up now.
5 - Love & Light. Just because we happen to be close to being Pagan does not mean we are happy little Wiccans parading about in our ritual robes and cool velvet cloaks (although, I have been meaning to buy myself a cloak, because attending rituals in the cold desert night air makes my nipples hard). The whole Pagan thing is coincidence anyway. Eris was around long before the Greeks got ahold of her very pleasant bosom and convinced her to join up with them. She probably did it because it felt like a good opportunity for a mindfuck. Being the Goddess that she is, she was right of course, and it continues to be a mindfuck.
And now, here are some things you should probably expect from a Discordian (although these rules are much harder to pin down, and are subject to more exceptions then the first list):
1 - Attitude. We didn't get to where we are today (nowhere) by being pussywhiped. If you meet a timid Discordian he's probably lying. Don't worry, he'll show his true stripes soon enough (or, because he can cut the butter, he'll avoid anyone who would tell him he's pussywhiped).
2 - Rebel-ness. Some of us just want to change ourselves. Some of us want to change the world. There are support groups for this. Sometimes they are call prison ass-rapings. Sometimes they are called mandated therapy. Sometimes they are called police brutality. It's okay, we like it that way. Just remember, if you get in our way we will use the chainsaw on your head. Most of us have special clothes we wear for when blood splatters. And besides, you'll be useful in Bella's zombie army.
3 - Eccentricity. We don't care what other people think. Yes, we are strange. Yes, most of the rumors are true (although the Gorilla claimed she didn't know sign language, the story got out anyway). Yes, our sense of humor is a bit...off color. We do it because it's fun. And, because it creeps you out.
4 - Humor. We want to have fun. Much of the time we don't care if it's at your expense.
5 - A Smile. It's probably because we're up to something. Or, because we got laid last night. Or, because we just farted. You should probably watch out if one of us is smiling. No, really, I mean it.
