A Fluffy Green Witch in Utah...fixed.

[Zurtok Khan]

The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.
-Harlan Ellison


So, here I am, browsing the books in Barnes and Nobles, looking for a Christmas present for one of my friends.  I'm looking through the women's studies section.  The women's studies section is located in the same isle as the New Age section.

Little twerp goth boy is sitting on the floor talking to his friends bitching about how Wicca is so different from Paganism that it shouldn't be considered Pagan.  Then, he starts looking through the books "ripping" each of the authors apart for having such a stupid veiw of Paganism, or Magic(k), or whatever it is that he doesn't agree with them saying, based solely upon the cover of the book, seeing as he isn't intelligent enough to actually read and draw conclusions at the same time, he simpy takes out the first step.  Then he comes upon "The Green Witch's Bible" and starts talking about how he's a Green Witch, and blah blah blah blah.  It was all rather droll, and stupid.  If his compainions had had half a brain cell not under the influence of the pot I could smell wafting from their direction, they would have told him to STFU and stab him with herpes infected knives.

So, I know they're not going to do it.  I'm browsing books, looking at Tarot cards (because I know someone else who wants some of them..) but they don't have the deck I want.  Here's my chance, "punk" boy is sitting there jabbering still.  I turn and stare at him.  I don't say anything, I just give him my best "ohh my god, how much cocaine did your mother have while she was pregnant with you, you are so fucking stupid I think I the entire world is worse for having you here, shitstain."

Well, of course, he's not so high he doesn't notice.  He looks up from "reading" about how to be a Green Witch (seems to me he wouldn't have to read about it if he was a Green Witch...) and looks back at me confused, "Dude, what?"

Here I figure I have two choices.  I can tell him how much of a stupid shitstain he is, or I can just play with his head.  The majority vote in my head goes for playing with him.  I just give a huge "invountary" shudder.  "Do you know where Green Witches came from, son?"

"Uhh...they were persecuted durring the burning times like everyone else, and all their records were burned, so we're not really sure."

"No, there you're wrong.  They're actually a conspiracy started by the Catholic Church to get you to realize that you need to start worshipping Jesus again."

"No wai!  Dude, how would you know?"

I laugh, "I'm writting a book about it.  It's about the various means the Catholics are using, and have used, to convert Heathens like you and I back to their midst."

"Oh my GODDESS!  That is so cool, so you're saying it's bad to be a Green Witch because someone will try to force me to worship Jesus and God and all that shit."

"Yup.  You know not the dangerous path you walk down, my son."

"Wow...what should I become then?"

"A Catholic."

"What????????  Why the hell would I want to do that?"

"It's the last thing they'd expect, you know sneak under the radar, and destroy them from the inside."

"Dude, that is SUCH a COOL idea."

At that, he starts talking to his friends about how to destroy the Catholic church from within, because he's going to go become a priest.

Some people are just stupid.

[Malaul]

::applause::


Oops, I almost typed apple sauce My bad

[agent compassion]

Brilliant!