Into The Night With Enrico And So-Called Friends

[Enrico Salazar]

Thank you for tuning in, faggot.

Welcome to Into The Night With Salazar And Friends, first online chat show.  Chat show host is something Enrico has always wanted to be ever since he was knee-high to a maggot, and he thinks this is why he wanted to be Generalissimo . . . so he could go on Salazorian television Channel One every night and whisper sweet nothings into the crotches of the people.

Finally, Enrico can creep into people's bedrooms at night without police being called.

(rimshot)

Thank you, thank you.  You faggots are all too beautiful.

Shecky, how you are doing today?  Enrico sees your mouth is full currently.  You should let the producers get back to work.

(rimshot)

Our first guest on the program is PD.com's own LMNO.  He is the most recent moderator, the nemesis of John Paul Fartre and is expert on mythology in Films and wrote thesis on Calibos in Clash Of The Titans and the difference between he and Achilles.  Sounds deep.

LMNO, tell Enrico, what did you think of Brad Pitt in recent mytho-film Troy?

[LMNO]

Well, your Excellency, let me start off by saying how wonderful it is to be here, and I,Äôd like to personally thank you for not torturing my family to death with an eyebrow tweezer, as you implied the other night when you first invited me onto your show.

Now, as to your question:  Senor Pitt manages to pull off a feat not matched since the great Rock Hudson adventures of yesteryear.  Inasmuch, he cuts a dashing pose, making women swoon, and exhibiting the classic signs of Hollywood stardom (such as the stunning feat of an apparent complete lack of acting skills).  And while this is impressive I itself, he does so while, the entire time, he,Äôs completely queer.  I tell you, I wouldn,Äôt mind slathering his torso in pig butter and having myself a bit of a sit-down, if you know what I mean.

[Enrico Salazar]

Enrico certainly does.  Few people realize how closely related cannablism is with matter of lust, you, of course, do.  This is why Enrico didn't torture your family with tweezers.  He knows you will do it yourself, you saucy beast.

Now.  For a serious mythological question.  Who would win in fight?  

Calibos?

or

Brad Pitt?

[LMNO]

Are we talking Fight Club Pitt, or True Romance Pitt, here?

[Enrico Salazar]

Is good question.

Enrico was thinking more of Pitt when he was in episode of Growing Pains and played narcissistic rock star who yelled at little Ben Seaver.  



Enrico really wanted to see Calibos chew his anus that day.

And if not Growing Pains, then Interview With Vampire for completely pointless contact lenses.

[LMNO]

Ah, and let us not forget his immaculately wooden performance in "Meet Joe Black"...



But at least he did look good in a Tuxedo...


I'm sorry, what were we talking about again?

[Enrico Salazar]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . sorry, Enrico was lost in thought for a moment.

Talking about?  Ehhgghhhh . . .

(looks through blue note cards)

Ah.  Yes.  Fight.

Who would win in fight?

Vern Troyer, a.k.a Mini-Me

or

Prince?

[LMNO]

I'm sorry.

What does this have to do with the predominance of Jewish Mysticism in the belief systems of the Third Reich?







Isn't that why you asked me to be here?

[Enrico Salazar]

Then you are not aware of Mini-Me being both a high ranking Kabbalist in Hollywood and the American leader of the neo-nazi party?  Shame, LMNO.  You will receive lashes for that.  Licorice or regular?

In episode of Surreal Life were Troyer is drunk nude and pissing in a corner he can audibly be heard to mumble "Here I sit, in the truth, pissing somewhere between kether and malkuth".

Is true.

And, Enrico feels he should mention that any further deviation from the asked question will result in a short walk to the back of the studio which will end with a happy ending for ONE of us.  Take that any way you choose.

Now.  The question.

Who would win?

[LMNO]

Um....





You would.

[Enrico Salazar]

This is correct answer.

Enrico would first kick Troyer into a garbage can and quietly explain to him that Kaballah is for intelligent celebrities like Ashton Kuchar and Britney Spears, then Enrico would slice Prince's face with razor imbedded in toe of boot and make him play Cream over and over again until he dropped dead.

Now THAT is a party!

(rimshot)

Ok.  LMNO, one last question.  On topic this time.

Why in movies like Clash Of Titans and Troy they do not depict your goddess Eris?  Does she even exist?

[LMNO]

Simply put, she is embedded in the films.

For every thumprint impression you see on the Kraken's head, for every time you see the camera crew during the Trojan Horse scene, for every disappearing giant scorpion, and for every strange tingle in the groins of heretofore "straight" men that happens when gazing on the blond locks of Brad, Eris is there.





...Can I go now?  These cuffs are starting to chafe.

[Enrico Salazar]

Yes yes.  Get the fuck off Enrico's stage.

Is almost time for next guest.  Shecky, how you doing over there?  Did I put the straps on too tight today?  You seem quiet.

(muffled moaning)

That could go either way.  Enrico will leave you to stew in your own juices for a while.

The next guest is a man who has more anger than even Enrico himself, sometimes known as Scribe but always known as fabulous, Cain!  Welcome faggot!

[Cain]

This thread makes me happy.  

But where are the Lesbian transsexual hookers taking DNA Lie-Decector tests to prove to Jerry Springer they didn't sleep with ther brother's boyfriend?  Thats the reason I came here!

[Enrico Salazar]

The lesbian transexual hookers mostly make up Enrico's audience, but once Enrico gets around to interviewing Princess Eris Von Tartarus it will come full circle.

So.  Cain.  Tell Enrico.  Why do you hate Mormons so much?