I HAVE SEEN IT *collapses into ball*

[eighteen buddha strike]

(This was posted on a my-space forum dedicated to void-worship. If angels could see into my heart, I'd ask them not to cum in my hair.)

I was talking to a human.

Sometimes, before I go to sleep, I get a little bit delusional. I spent some time last night under the impression that my lungs were going to collapse, and while this is probably due to the fact that I was trying to sleep on my side and it was putting pressure on the left side of my rib cage, it was none-the less a convincing paranoia. I would begin to drift off, and then wake up immediately with a violent shudder at my loss of breath, at which point I would try to heavily breath for several moments but the effort seemed hollow and far away, as if I was not present in my own body... then I would begin to become more aware, and I would frantically try to dispel this illusion in my own mind, until I became calm and began to drift off again.

I must have done this several times, before I eventually slept.

I think it is rare, for me to sleep more than three or four hours in one sitting, at least not if I have to work the following morning.

Otherwise I will commit myself to that unfeeling oblivion for as long as I can possibly manage.

Sometimes, when I am downstairs, my room-mates are watching television.
Sometimes, this disgusts me to the point where I purposefully try to go to sleep, even though I am not particularly tired or do not expressly desire sleep at that moment. I am usually successful, and find myself sleeping from sometime in the late afternoon until sometime in the very early morning, usually around two or three. I usually, at that point, have no recourse but to commit myself to being awake... at least until I am ready to sleep again.

Oftentimes, somebody is home, and oftentimes they are even watching television at this hour.

When I lived in another place, I lived in the unfinished part of the basement... I could see the furnace from my bed. I suffered delusions of telepathy with spiders. They were not pleasant, necessarily, but generally respect the concept of territory. However, in this case, I was the unwelcome invader. Being a white, this is not necessarily unusual. I remember feeling the same shortness of breath back then, however more often and more violently, and I would often wake up shuddering feeling hollow and seperated from my body. I attributed this, at the time, to the mold/mildew in the air down in that basement. After all, I slept within breathing of the washing machine, and it did not drain very well... to the point that the section of floor around its would become a large puddle for at least fourty minutes when it was used. I took to sleeping on the floor in an empty room of the house, for a while, but my discomfort did little to acquiesce my overall sense of displacement.

There was another place I lived, where sometimes I would find myself staring at derelict window-unit air conditioner for at least fourty five minutes every night before I went to sleep. I was sure that something was nesting in it, probably bats. I knew that they nested in the chimney, also, which ran down the wall just outside my room in the corner closest to their bed. Many high-pitched shrieks and scratching noises ran down its length, and I heard them often. In the winter, the room was so poorly insulated that I would sleep fully clothed underneath a pile of coats.

Sometimes, when I know I have to work the next day... I get less than an hour and a half of sleep. When I know that I am in danger of sleeping through my alarm, I will purposefully make my room uncomfortable. I accomplish this by turning on all of the lights, and sleeping fully clothed. The next morning, I feel filthy, and completely exhausted... but I have succeeded in leaving one of my favorite places in favor of spending another day awake in this oppressive charade of an existence.

[East Coast Hustle]

ho-lee shit.

   

[eighteen buddha strike]

Sometimes I try to make use of binaural rythyms (sine waves seperated so that one pans completely left, and the other pans completely right, with a slight difference in pitch... in this case a difference of 4 hz to stimulate delta-brainwave activity). That way I dont have to worry about those pesky dreams.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

EBS = 10/10

[DJRubberducky]

Holy crap - I just now re-read the background for this.  I thought *you* had posted it as an exaggerated mockery.

*cries*