An attempted rant.

[Freeky]

                              Fuck off and die, Zen.
                                            OR
       So it's quarter to three, I'm fucked up on pills, and I AM PISSED


That could be why I'm not asleep, I guess. Being pissed off I mean. Actually it's more like I'm pissed off that I'm not getting pissed off. But there isn't any point to it, is there? Not in these cases. Let's take a closer look and see where I'm going wrong.

My ex is a dick. I'm sure there are a lot of people here who would agree that an ex being a dick is a match to light your BONFIRE OF WRATH. Now, you may have heard this, sorry to go on about it, but things have not been progressing well on the custody/child support battle front. We're done with mediation, managed to hammer out a visitation schedule (I made all the concessions), but the ex wouldn't budge or even try to compromise with me in terms of custody. Surprise, surprise, right? So now it goes to court, to be decided by someone who does not know all the facts and nuances and power struggle in play.

I can't make my ex a decent human being. Nor can I influence an impartial judge who has no idea the story and situation (hence why they reccommend hammering things out in mediation.)  I accept this as fact, and try to move on. Does it make me feel better? No. Is there anything I can do*? No.

A bunch of my stuff has gone missing, and the culprit is obvious to everyone.

Anything I haven't already got back will not be returned. I accept this as fact, and try to move on. Does this make me feel better? No, and it is not even close to being okay. Is there anything I can do*? Save up change and replace what was lost.

I am to move in three weeks time. It's because, despite the fact that my roommates claim to like me okay, their house is getting a bit crowded with the realization that there are, essentially, five or six factions in the house: the shithead's mom is fighting to save her from herself, the shithead's step-dad is too harsh on her and doesn't know what battles to choose, there is Babby Roomy and his mommy, and just taking care of him is really taing its toll on her, there is Shithead Tries To Watch Babby Roomy and gets Bored After Five Minutes, and then there's the monkey and I, and when the monkey is on his game, we count as an additional faction each.

What they are doing is being a family unit. What the monkey and I are doing is being a separate family unit (broken) in their home. I feel that there is nothing personal here when they decided I had to go. And go I must. I accept this as fact, and try to move on. Does it make me feel better? No, but it doesn't make me angry. It's just more proof to myself that I'm wanted nowhere. Is there anything I can do*? Probably not.

There is a baby crying upstairs for the last 20 minutes. He's probably cold, and needs a blanket and his pacifier.

The baby won't stop crying until he does. I accept this as fact, and try to move on (so I can get some fucking sleep.) Does this make me feel better? Is there anything I can do*? Probably not.


The world is full of stupid people. I accept this as fact, and try to move on. But I just can't do it. I want to punch them all in the face and scream at them until they are cowed and I am hoarse and calm once more. But I can't. Is there anything I can do?


Is there?




*WITHOUT VIOLENCE I WOULD LIKE VERY MUCH TO NOT VISIT A JAIL FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME.

[East Coast Hustle]

YES YOU CAN!
\

[Freeky]

I'ma blame the drugs on this one.

[Juana]

It still sounds to me like you're justified. And that's a shit situation, Freeky.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yep, that authentically sucks. For them, as well as for you, but you have the choice to exit that situation. They, unfortunately, don't.

[Jasper]

It's not the drugs, Freeky.

[Whatever]

I am really glad you are getting out of there soon! 

I would have to spend as much time away from home as I could in the meantime!

[Freeky]

The thing is, I was HAPPY here until shithead started taking my things. Even when they first started going missing, I put it down to misunderstandings. But then there was a bit of drama I won't go into, and it totally changed my opinion of her.

Even though I'm moving out soon, I'm not so sure it's going to be all rainbows and fairy dust. I'm moving in with a family of 4; three of them are eager to have me and my monkey move in with them, and the other, well, I know he isn't happy about the monkey, and to be perfectly honest, I have no idea what he thinks about me. And then living with people is always different than visiting them and hanging out.

Is stressful, but things will either work out, or they won't.

ETA: The only thing I really want at this point is to not feel like a burden, or like an extra body that is surplus to requirements.

[Whatever]

Sweetie don't be stressed.  This move may be scary as hell but it will be a better place for both you and your monkey.

Besides from what I've read you cook like a goddess, that alone would put you on the #1 top of the room mate list in my house.

Deep breaths and focus on the positive. 

[Freeky]

Yes. I'm just full of anxiety a lot of days.

[Whatever]

Yes. I'm just full of anxiety a lot of days.

Happens to the best of us.  Damn shame we can't bottle stress and sell it as an energy drink! We'd make our fortune!!!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

It's not the drugs, Freeky.

It's never the drugs.

[Freeky]

It's not the drugs, Freeky.

It's never the drugs.

No, but it helps with clarity sometimes.



The shark one in Apple Talk, though, that one WAS the drugs.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

It's not the drugs, Freeky.

It's never the drugs.

No, but it helps with clarity sometimes.



The shark one in Apple Talk, though, that one WAS the drugs.

That was amazing.  WTF did that come from?  The part about the girl?

[Freeky]

It's not the drugs, Freeky.

It's never the drugs.

No, but it helps with clarity sometimes.



The shark one in Apple Talk, though, that one WAS the drugs.

That was amazing.  WTF did that come from?  The part about the girl?

I dunno. I was just trying to get as much rage out as possible.