TEH ALIENS R COMIN TEH ALIENS R COMIN (schizo-what?)

[deet]

I cleaned my desk, finally. I washed all the dishes, and I found something.
A spot. A big, dark circle.

At first, I thought it was an ink blot. It isn't. It has regular edges. It's a perfect circle, with a few concentric rings inside. I remember seeing this. When I was abducted by aliens, they implanted this image in my mind. This is a laser burn. A Nalloway MK-I Radiation Weapon.

I've heard that they were coming back; the subliminal messages on the radio were a good indicator. When the newscaster said "Lock," as the first word of the first story, I recognized it. That's a code word for the Nalloway Invasion Fleet.

The next story began with "Down." That's all I needed. Lock, Down. The third word would have been my home address. They slipped. I noticed the tell-tale sign of a laser burn on my desk, and I know what to do.

Two layers of aluminum foil, that's what the Gallie Fleet implanted in my memory. Aluminum. They said "al-oo-minium," so I know it's an implanted thought. I would never think "al-oo-minium." I think "aluminum." Anyways, two layers will block most of the laser's power. It'll only cause superficial damage. I'll make a suit of armour while I wait.

I'll ambush those damn aliens. They'll have to fight me. I've even built a weapon to fight them with. Wait for it, aliens, you'll rue the day you invaded my planet!

My secret weapon? This thing.

I just hope I have enough hairspray to take down the mothership.

Bring it, you turds. Prepare to meet my wrath.

[Subtract Eight!]

perfect color scheme,
inconspicuous enough and super snazzy enough

[deet]

It's been almost five minutes since my last communication, and still no action.

They must have seen my Ultimate Weapon. HAHA. I AM KING!

The radio went dead a second ago... they could be jamming the signal. Will this post get through? Will this be the last message I send to the outside world?

I hope so, because at least I warned everyone of the invasion.

I'm still waiting. I've got a good line on their mothership. I've tried to hail them using my cordless phone. Modified heavily, of course. I changed it to use the microwave as an alternate power source. I figure 900 watts should be enough to make it all the way.

They haven't answered. But, they are moving. Those lights, I don't recognize the signal... Red, and blue. Flashing, spinning in circles.

They're flying low to the ground. So low, I can hear the engines howling. I'm going to fire a shot across their bow, maybe they'll answer.

[deet]

DIRECT HIT! OMG, I SCORED A DIRECT HIT!

What a satisfying sound! I WILL DEFEND THIS PLANET UNTIL DEATH!

Wait a minute.. Oh no.. they're offloading their troops... This could get messy; Their lasers won't work, but someone has tipped them off. They know how to get past my shields!

How will I defend myself against their sonic weapons?! They make a thunderous noise! I'm terrified, I hope they can't read my mind!

Make a decision, I have to make a decision... do I retreat?

NO! NEVER RETREAT, NEVER SURRENDER. That's what the Gallie implanted! I'll fight to the death!

RELOAD THE CANNON!

[deet]

Those Nalloway, they're tricky bastards. They look just like humans!

I hope that the neighbours will help me, they've already come out from hiding. They're just standing there, watching.

"HELP ME, HELP ME FIGHT THE INVASION!"

Nothing. They're just watching.

One shot, but a near miss. My hands are trembling; I won't have time to reload. Their sonic weapons have the ability to damage the buildings.

I'm going to jump. Death before dishonor. I have failed world, I have failed.

Please, do not give in as easily as I. Fight the invasion.

[deet]

"This is Nancy McBee, of Channel Seven News."

"Last night, a man living on the Eight Hundred Block of Delaware Street began firing what police believe was a homemade mortar at a cruiser. They responded by firing several warning shots, but did not have a chance to communicate with the suspect before he jumped to his death.

"The press release given to the media states that the man had wrapped himself in tin foil, presumably a form of body armor. The man was not known to police, nor is there a known motive for the shooting. Police believe that drugs may have been a factor.

"His name will be released after his family has been contacted.

"Back to you, Nal."

[East Coast Hustle]