Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Topics - The Good Reverend Roger

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 ... 113
Apple Talk / Today is Ignaz Semmelweis Day.
« on: April 18, 2017, 03:07:21 am »
This is the day where we learn to SIT DOWN AND SHUT OUR FACES.  OR ELSE.

Despite various publications of results where hand washing reduced mortality to below 1%, Semmelweis's observations conflicted with the established scientific and medical opinions of the time and his ideas were rejected by the medical community. Semmelweis could offer no acceptable scientific explanation for his findings, and some doctors were offended at the suggestion that they should wash their hands. Semmelweis's practice earned widespread acceptance only years after his death, when Louis Pasteur confirmed the germ theory and Joseph Lister, acting on the French microbiologist's research, practiced and operated, using hygienic methods, with great success. In 1865, Semmelweis was committed to an asylum, where he died at age 47 of pyaemia, after being beaten by the guards, only 14 days after he was committed.

« on: April 11, 2017, 02:37:11 am »
Go in to work my first day today, my boss resigned (effective 2 weeks).  The plant engineer quit 3 months ago, and his office is haunted.  The plant manager quit 3 weeks ago in disgrace and nobody has done the regulatory shit.  The site manager is a nice old guy who smiles and wants me to tell him that everything is okay.  It's not.  But it will be.  As long as we fix the fucking parking lots before we get sinkholes.  The environmental engineer has a brand new degree and lead in the water, and came into my office and asked for my advice.  AN ENGINEER ASKED FOR ADVICE.  Of course I'm giving him advice,  this shit needs to be encouraged.  I *think* I see the problem, but we're going to collect data anyway.

The safety lady (also brand new) is an empire builder who was furious that I was taking security away from her.  NOPE.  TAKE IT, DON'T HAVE TIME FOR IT.  It runs itself and all that is required is making ID badges.  She was going to go to war over making ID badges.  The acting maintenance manager is a bigwig from the corporate home office who announced that I am to be considered management instead of a coordinator, then vanished back into his den.  The accountant and the purchasing agent are just happy to see someone come IN rather than go out.  The IT guy is awesome and helped me locate the listening device in my office, which is apparently a corporate standard.  We do all our serious talking over by the chillers, where you have to whisper at 100 decibels.

It's absolute chaos, because nobody wants to take control.  Well, the Captain has arrived.

Now I just have to talk my boss out of resigning, and talk corporate bigwig into letting her retract her resignation.

Apple Talk / Fucking Arizona.
« on: April 05, 2017, 12:45:36 am »
Letting vicious llamas run loose.

This can only end in madness and death.

Apple Talk / Magic Game Cards, PD edition.
« on: February 24, 2017, 02:46:54 am »

Apple Talk / Introductions, Part VI: Welcome to Our PD Party
« on: February 22, 2017, 02:51:48 am »
Hello.  Assuming you're not a google-spider thing or a wrathful ex-member seeking your glorious revenge, there are a few things you need to know, and a few things we need to know.  I'll start with what we need to know:

1.  Who the hell are you, and how did you find this place?  You're a cop, right?  Yeah you are.  Or you're wearing a wire.  I can smell that shit, and you are most definitely some kind of spy for government agencies that never heard of us and wouldn't care if they did.  Fess up.

2.  Why on Earth would you join a religion that worships a Greek God...And not just ANY Greek God, but the one all the OTHER Greek Gods thought was a troublemaker?  You're just asking for it, you know.

3.  Do you know any good recipes?  Because we have a section for that, and I'm trying to learn to cook.

Now, what you need to know:

1.  We've read the Principia Discordia (and we don't advise it to anyone).  We have all seen every Monty Python movie ever made.  Quoting either one gets you The Punishment™.  Or at least gets you ignored.

2.  We are a bundle of bad wiring, so don't try to be the weirdest person in the room your first time out.  Absurdism only works if it's funny, and word salad isn't funny.

3.  Nobody here believes that "all opinions are of equal value", so be warned: If you're spouting alt-right shit or the dogma of lesser religions, you're going to get laughed at. 

4.  We only have 6 rules that get you banned.  Learn them.

5.  If you want to pimp your music or your art or anything like that, please restrict it to the subforum "Bring & Brag".  If that's all you're here to do, shove off.

6.  Our board's owner ("The Mgt") left in disgust recently.  That should tell you what you're in for.  The board is currently run by an Irish guy who doesn't give a shit about any of us.  He just sits in a drafty castle in Ireland somewhere, eating corned beef and listening to The Bay City Rollers on Pandora.  He doesn't care if we live or die. 

7.  There are two admins and one moderator that are here on a semi-regular basis...Myself, Cain, and LMNO.  We don't care if you're being trolled or whatnot, we only care about the 6 bannable offenses.  Again, learn them.  If someone's giving you grief, use the ignore function.  If one of the admins is that person, you can't ignore us, so just scroll on by.

All that being said, go ahead and introduce yourself.  People will say "Hi, new guy!", because we've lost our mojo and can't bring ourselves to shit on noobs like back in the day.  We apologize for this, and hope you are not too disappointed.


I apologize to Donald Trump. As Sean Spicer so wisely said at his first news conference on Monday (It was the first. The one that happened on Saturday did not happen at all, and I recognize that!), it is unfair to be so mean and negative all the time.

Here is the fair and unbiased story about the inauguration written in compliance with the Trump style guidelines that we should have been obeying all along.

Nothing that has ever happened or will ever happen was as great as Donald Trump’s inauguration.

The crowd was magnificent and huge, bigger than any crowd had ever been before! It stretched all the way to the moon. The Pope, who was there, confirmed it.

“Thanks for being here, Pope,” Donald Trump told him.

“Are you kidding? You’re my best friend,” the Pope said. “I wouldn’t miss your big day for anything!” He gave Donald Trump a big high-five.

Everyone in the world had come there at great expense. They sold all their possessions — their homes, their “Hamilton” tickets, which were worthless to them — to raise money to come and see this great sight. They could not believe that a perfect being such as Donald Trump even existed. They thought that he was a myth or a legend or a decades-long series of fabrications.

But then they saw him, and their doubts fell away.

The media was there, too, and they were very sorry. “Donald,” the newscasters said, “we were mean to you. We used to laugh and call you names. We were no better than all of the other reindeer. How can you ever forgive us?”

“Forgive you?” Donald Trump asked. “I’ve already forgotten.” He smiled a big, beautiful smile. That was just who Donald Trump was: forgiving, like Jesus, but blond.

It was a wonderful start to the day.

Everyone liked Donald Trump’s speech and the words that he used. They liked even more the part where he rolled up his sleeve and showed off his bicep. It was a great bicep. It made the Rock so upset to see it that he threw something down on the ground and said “darn.”

Donald Trump pulled out a violin and played a solo, and then he pulled out a guitar and played an even sicker solo. The whole ground was soon covered with women’s undergarments. (Millions of women were there to support Donald Trump, and they were all AT LEAST sevens.) Also, every woman that Donald Trump had ever dated was there, and they were not upset with him, just ashamed that they had not lived up to his required standard.

“Trump! Trump! Trump!” the crowd cheered.

Donald Trump touched many people in the crowd in a way that they all thought was welcome and appropriate, and he cured their ailments, from cancer to autism.

“If only we could bottle your touch,” someone said, “children could stop getting vaccinated altogether.”

Donald Trump winked. “Don’t worry!” he said. “I’m on it!”

Then Donald Trump served loaves and fishes to everyone there. There were enough loaves and fishes for everyone, and they all were Made in America and said “TRUMP” on them. It was like the Oscars, but also like Woodstock, but also like the Super Bowl, but also like the Sermon on the Mount. If you were not there, you should just go home and die, because nothing in your life will have purpose or meaning by comparison, not even holding your newborn child in your arms or having health insurance. This is what FOMO was talking about for all these years.

Bono, and Bruce Springsteen, and Elton John, and the Rolling Stones, and Beyonce, and all the top artists were there. They fought hard over who would be allowed to sing. Finally Bruce Springsteen won. Bono cried and cried, and the other artists had to console him. When Bruce Springsteen had finished singing, he walked over to Donald Trump, extended his hand, and said, “You are the only real hero left in the world.”

The people were so excited that they built a very special stone pyramid just for Donald Trump so that he would not have to wait until he died to see what his monument would look like. But they were silly to be concerned. Donald Trump will never die!

A little child was in the audience, and he started to cry because the emperor was wearing so many clothes. Also, he could tell that he was not and never had been racist.

Donald Trump’s beautiful big family was there. His favorite childhood dog was there, too, back from the farm where he still lives to this day.

Donald Trump can talk to the animals, and his eyes are lasers. When the floor is lava, Donald Trump can walk on it, but only Donald Trump. When Donald Trump points his finger at you, you have to lie down. But when other people point their fingers at Donald Trump, he does not have to. Donald Trump’s block tower is the biggest. He does not need a nap or a snack. He has the longest, biggest attention span. Everyone loves Donald Trump, and what he has to say interests them.

Donald Trump is the star. People love him.

He won the popular vote, too.

Apple Talk / Virtue Signalling
« on: January 05, 2017, 06:04:11 pm »
I was aware this was a thing for a very long time, but I didn't know the term for it until now.

Virtue signalling is a generally pejorative characterization of the expression or promotion of viewpoints that are especially valued within a social group, especially when it is said to be done primarily to enhance the social standing of the speaker.[1][2][3]

The term was first used in signalling theory, to describe any behavior that could be used to signal virtue, and especially conspicuous piety among the religious faithful.[4] Since 2015, the term has been most conspicuously used by commentators to criticize what they regard as the platitudinous and empty or superficial support of socially progressive views on social media,[2][3] but has also been used to describe analogous behavior in other groups, such as pro-gun-rights grandstanding among the American right.[3]

More or less what we used to call "the fart blanket".

The blog LessWrong was another early user of the term, where the idea was first alluded to in February 2009[5] and later squarely expressed in July 2013:

    "My upbringing and social circles are moderately left-wing. There's a well-observed failure mode in these circles, not entirely dissimilar to what's discussed in Why Our Kind Can't Cooperate, where participants sabotage cooperation by going out of their way to find things to disagree about, presumably for moral posturing and virtue-signalling reasons."[6]

Or, as was described here at PD, a method of claiming status in a group at the expense of the group's goals.  Or, hell, during the post-primary phase of the election, with the left fragmenting into subgroups that all hate each other.  And, in a lot of cases, still do.

And look what that got us.   :lulz:

Apple Talk / And now another thing to worry about as the climate changes.
« on: November 26, 2016, 09:48:46 pm »

As the ocean level and temperature changes, we can probably expect a return of these bastards.

Tsunamis in weird places aside, I'm just thinking of what will happen to offshore drilling rigs.

Apple Talk / What Makes This Really Funny, part 2
« on: November 11, 2016, 12:58:03 am »
Okay, so my country has failed to meet my minimum standards.  Just short of 60 million of my neighbors have decided that voting Nazi was an acceptable thing to do, because they are so tired of even a semi-functional republic.

Scary times.

And some folks have very good reason to be scared.  A lot of women I know are talking about getting IUDs before January, and who can blame them?  Trump has said he'll leave the petty details of actual governance to Pence, and Pence is a Dominionist who very much wants to make birth control illegal because it makes women uppity.  Given the rash of swastikas being sprayed all over everything flat surface, the chants of "build a wall" in middle schools, hijab-grabbing, and grab ass sexual assault ("This is a free country now, bitch"), it's not just women that should be worried.  It's also worth mentioning that the FBI, who would normally stop much of this shit, helped engineer it.

We are very much on our own.  This is, after the last eight years, a very rough concept to wrap your mind around, but sticking your head in the sand isn't going to help.


This is the first time in 50 years that The Machine has presented a handle.  Something concrete, a place in which to start picking away at the threads.  That handle isn't a government office or a corporate boardroom or anything like that.  No, it is our fellow citizens, every slack-jawed goober in a MAGA hat.  The cockroaches have crawled out of the corners, and it is our job to step on them. 

What makes this possible is that half of them know what they're supporting is wrong.  They won't admit it, but they're worried and ashamed of what they've done.  And that is the handle, here.  Not persuasion, not tolerance, but shame.  Society has finally barfed forth those that need to be told to shit in their hats, and who are we to turn this opportunity down?

That's going to require some teamwork, of course...And though some of us have very legitimate beefs with each other, I'd like to suggest that we have bigger fish to fry right now.  Not saying we need to sing Kumbaya and pretend that those legitimate beefs never occurred (one way and/or the other), but the hilarious times coming seem to indicate that - as some old radical once said - we will either hang together or we shall surely hang apart.

I told you guys years ago that this is our century.  Events have proven me right, in ways that surprise and horrify me.  But what's Discordia for, if not some horrormirth and KICKING THEM IN THE NADS?  Fuck, this is the first time in a decade that it's been morally right to kick them in the nads! 


Or Kill Me.

Apple Talk / What's REALLY Funny, part I of V
« on: November 03, 2016, 08:03:58 pm »
Okay, so let’s just talk about Jill Stein, and we’ll leave out the boring crazy bits.  Dr Stein’s primary plank is “stopping the wars”….Which is sort of one of those “outsider” ideas that ignores the fact that our republic is in its terminal phase, and we will never be at peace again under our current form of government.  If by some miracle she won, and stepped foot in the beast, I strongly doubt she’d have the moral courage to actually make the attempt to stop the wars.

And if she DID, she’d be given a ride in a convertible in Dallas.  Or just have a good, old-fashioned heart attack.  No more little Dr Stein being a nuisance.  Not to get HER out of the way.  No.  An inconvenient president can be ignored (see: Jimmy Carter).  The reason she’d be suborned or killed would be as a message.

A similar message to the one send by the Chelsea police (London Chelsea, that is) when, just days after riots over police brutality, the pepper-sprayed a young man until he died, for the heinous crime of being the only person at the address from which he himself had called in a domestic dispute.

The message is “Shut up or we’ll kill you.  If we can be bothered.”  It’s all about the message, after all, and Stein would make the perfect telegram to the few remaining peaceniks in the country. ..”Your opinion does not matter, and nothing can stop The Machine.”

Remember Occupy?  Neither do I.  Occupy was doomed from the moment it began, for more reasons than I can fit into this post, but the big one was their hilarious insistence on “general assemblies” that accomplished nothing but the generation of factionalism and butthurt that saw Occupy dwindle from out outraged horde to a few homeless people using the idea as a means by which to keep cops from moving them along.

Why?  Because they slipped right back into the training and indoctrination they have received since childhood.  Think about it: You vote every two years, and it doesn’t seem to make much difference.  So why would it make any difference if you voted in an Occupy general assembly?  The majority of people are going to vote for the ideas of the most charismatic speaker, or for the ideas they arrived with, no matter what other ideas they are given to consider.  This does not lead to effective decision-making, and the idea of having no leaders doesn't work with more than 7 domesticated primates at a time.

In short, the same failure of the US system is what killed or will kill any opposition to the system, literally or figuratively.  It’s been like that since day one, but we put up with it because it keeps the wheels on.

These “messages” are what a certain type of people call “psyops”, but then that person will generally start hollering about bogus moon landings or the Earth being flat.  They are that annoying species that refer to themselves as “woke”, who would be, in any civilized society, humanely euthanized. 

But they aren’t completely wrong.  Psyops are practiced by governments, multinationals, asymmetric warfighters, and of course the thing that we used to call Madison Avenue.    The most cost-effective ones are the asymmetrical warfare guys, who can fuck with the minds of a billion people just by taping a beheading on their smartphone.  The most overall effective ones, though, are the non-government actors that have a vested interest in making sure you STAY afraid of the terrorists who put their $2 operation up on youtube for free.  What crazy hijinks will you do to get on plane?  More to the point, what sort of background checks are you willing to go through for the purpose of buying yourselves out of those antics?

And now, thanks to Clive Bundy and people like him, anyone who points any of this out is obviously crazy, and everyone else slides over to the other side of the bus…Even if you point out that there isn’t A Conspiracy, but instead loads of little conspiracies that each occupy a different niche.

No, Jill Stein isn’t going to fix this.  Nothing is.  The fight is over, the future won, and it isn’t done with you yet.

(more to follow tonight or tomorrow)

« on: October 26, 2016, 09:23:09 pm »
We here at HowlCo™ would like to extend to you ABSOLUTELY FREE a chance to SHUT THE FUCK UP1!

If you're a Trump voter, we've known your beliefs since 75 years, and nothing about them has changed, so you shut the fuck up.  Bernie Sanders voters, it's over, so YOU shut the fuck up.  Jill Stein voters, take your meds and then shut the fuck up.  Clinton voters, you already have our votes and we can't vote twice, so nothing you can say will make the situation better, SO.  JUST.  SHUT.  UP.  Gary Johnson, you just keep doing your thing.  Loudly.  In public.  We're laughing with you.  Honest.

If you are "woke", shut the fuck up.  Seriously.  You are baby cultists, and that's boring.  If you are here to tell us taxation is theft, we are here to laugh until our guts bleed.  Some of us understand that the bills gotta get paid.  If you are an anti-vaxxer, shut up in the privacy of your own home, you plague-mongering cock-wobblers.  AND if you are here to tell us climate change isn't happening, go SHUT UP on the Marshall Islands.  While you still can.  Bring a snorkel.

Imagine, for a moment, that you are getting head from the person you secretly dream about, the person you find to be the most attractive thing since Bea Arthur.  Is there anything you can SAY that will enhance the moment, or are you just allowing a greater-than-zero chance that you will fuck it all up and they will stop and walk out the door?  Then SHUT UP.

Or perhaps you have just farted in the board room.  Everyone knows it was either you or the guy next to you.  Do you open your stupid fucking face and let the world know it was you, or do you just SHUT UP and glare at the unfortunate sitting beside you? That's right. 

We have always said that words are bad.  They are wrong.  They are an indication of a poor value set, and are most often employed by the sort of person who is selling you something2.  You hate that and we hate that, and only the cumbersome rule of law prevents us both from shutting them up with a crowbar.  In fact, the only GOOD words are the ones that make fun of Vladimir Putin, given that there is a small but extant chance that he will launch and then everyone will SHUT UP LIKE HELL.

Thank you for your time.

1  With purchase of equal or greater value.  Since this is the most valuable thing ever, it isn't actually free and we'll be sending the boys around.

2  Except for us, of course.  We are both different and exceptional.

Apple Talk / LMNO
« on: September 21, 2016, 01:51:17 am »
I'm in.

where do we start?

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 ... 113