So, over the last couple months I've realized that I'm bisexual. That took me by surprise, to make a serious understatement, and I'm trying to understand the position I'm in as quickly as possible. I've been reaching out to people I think already do more than me as part of that. So, this's a general call for any information any of you want to give me: Resources, advice, specific dangers, whatever. Don't worry about scaring or talking down to me, if you have something you think I should know I want to hear it. I have some stuff to handle right now, so I'm sorry if I don't check back here until next weekend
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#2
Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / A random’s trepanation
January 06, 2021, 01:37:17 AM
I think that right now I'm young and I'm stupid. One of those things is definitely going to change, but whether or not the other does is up to me. I have a lot of ideas, but I have a hard time thinking through them. My head's felt constipated for a bit; I think if I can get my thoughts someplace outside myself they'll start to feel more like concrete things I can work with, improve, and apply. And if it turns out I'm a dumbass now, hopefully that'll be caught on here before I can go off and seriously fuck up. So I'll keep rambling posts like this on this thread as I'm able to get them out.
1.0
I think it's possible for people to feel like every community or culture they're familiar with somehow dominates reality, and that they can only live along the lines they set out. I remember having that problem, and I've seen other people talk and act in ways that make me think they could too. And groups absolutely can have massive influence over peoples' lives. Even without formal power, cliques and circles can make people change in ways they wouldn't have without them. But there are more communities out there than I can imagine. I think there are more groups than there are individual people, because I feel like most people are probably part of more than one.
The thing is, no individual community out of the billions out there can claim to control the entire world. So, none of them should be automatically relevant to you. I think that ideally you would consider the positive or negative impact you think one could have to you, or other people you care about, along with any obligations you think you have to it, and then base how much headspace you give it on that. The problem is, not all groups a person knows exist has reasons to be important to them, but people can obsess over any they learn about. It's like we're born only knowing the groups we belong to, and as we grow up we don't realize alternatives exist. We also believe in some way that the groups we're part of are the only ones that really exist, and all others don't have the same depth, influence, or substance. Because of that, any circle of people that gets under our skin —that we don't cut ourselves off of as soon as we meet— is given the same importance in our head as the ones we've grown up with. We think that everyone, or at least all real people, belong to them and follow their rules, and that we have no choice but to too. I'm more uncomfortable trying to figure out the why of something than the what (I'll talk more about that later), so while right now I do think this issue is real, I think the explanation I just gave only could be its cause. I can't look into everyone's heads and confirm it, and I haven't collected enough of other people's experiences to even make it a decent theory. But it might make what I'm trying to say more clear.
2.0
I can't, under any circumstances, tell someone else what to be. I can only possibly have the right to tell someone else how to interact with other people, and even then I need a damn good reason to. The more I think about this, the more reasons for it I come up with, but this's the one I think works best.
If I see someone else doing something that I know won't cause suffering, then I can't possibly have a reason to try and stop them. Even if it's something I wouldn't do, even if it sets off alarm bells in my head, I have an obligation to shut myself up. Because —again, as long as it isn't a form of abuse— the only kind of suffering their actions are causing is my sense of offence. Obviously they can't control that, and whatever they're doing, something must be causing them to. Because of that, it would definitely take less strain for me to change my attitude than for them to change their actions, and the responsibility's on me to make the effort. Realistically, I just don't think people should change for no other reason than to fit into others' view of reality, but I have that justification to pull out if I ever need to.
This's one of the beliefs I especially want to improve because, as strongly as I think I hold it, it's still something that only clearly came to me relatively recently. I want it to be fucking solid in my head, so I'll keep hammering it in, thinking through its repercussions, and trying to solve any contradictions I find.
1.0
I think it's possible for people to feel like every community or culture they're familiar with somehow dominates reality, and that they can only live along the lines they set out. I remember having that problem, and I've seen other people talk and act in ways that make me think they could too. And groups absolutely can have massive influence over peoples' lives. Even without formal power, cliques and circles can make people change in ways they wouldn't have without them. But there are more communities out there than I can imagine. I think there are more groups than there are individual people, because I feel like most people are probably part of more than one.
The thing is, no individual community out of the billions out there can claim to control the entire world. So, none of them should be automatically relevant to you. I think that ideally you would consider the positive or negative impact you think one could have to you, or other people you care about, along with any obligations you think you have to it, and then base how much headspace you give it on that. The problem is, not all groups a person knows exist has reasons to be important to them, but people can obsess over any they learn about. It's like we're born only knowing the groups we belong to, and as we grow up we don't realize alternatives exist. We also believe in some way that the groups we're part of are the only ones that really exist, and all others don't have the same depth, influence, or substance. Because of that, any circle of people that gets under our skin —that we don't cut ourselves off of as soon as we meet— is given the same importance in our head as the ones we've grown up with. We think that everyone, or at least all real people, belong to them and follow their rules, and that we have no choice but to too. I'm more uncomfortable trying to figure out the why of something than the what (I'll talk more about that later), so while right now I do think this issue is real, I think the explanation I just gave only could be its cause. I can't look into everyone's heads and confirm it, and I haven't collected enough of other people's experiences to even make it a decent theory. But it might make what I'm trying to say more clear.
2.0
I can't, under any circumstances, tell someone else what to be. I can only possibly have the right to tell someone else how to interact with other people, and even then I need a damn good reason to. The more I think about this, the more reasons for it I come up with, but this's the one I think works best.
If I see someone else doing something that I know won't cause suffering, then I can't possibly have a reason to try and stop them. Even if it's something I wouldn't do, even if it sets off alarm bells in my head, I have an obligation to shut myself up. Because —again, as long as it isn't a form of abuse— the only kind of suffering their actions are causing is my sense of offence. Obviously they can't control that, and whatever they're doing, something must be causing them to. Because of that, it would definitely take less strain for me to change my attitude than for them to change their actions, and the responsibility's on me to make the effort. Realistically, I just don't think people should change for no other reason than to fit into others' view of reality, but I have that justification to pull out if I ever need to.
This's one of the beliefs I especially want to improve because, as strongly as I think I hold it, it's still something that only clearly came to me relatively recently. I want it to be fucking solid in my head, so I'll keep hammering it in, thinking through its repercussions, and trying to solve any contradictions I find.
#3
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / Getting stuck in unproductive thought patterns
December 07, 2020, 11:08:30 PM
As a warning, this post talks about getting stuck in your head and having a pessimistic worldview. If you know that that could cause any problems for you today, you don't have to read it.
So, I tend to worry about everything. Based on what I've seen and heard, I feel like there are always more ways for something to go wrong than to go right. And because of that, things do mess up most often than they don't. That idea is still kind of half-baked in my head, though, and I think I'd still have this problem if I hadn't thought of it. The thing is, I get anxious about things I have no way to impact. And I can't decide what to think about that. I definitely want to be aware of the world's problems, and all its shitty possibilities, but sometimes I can't stop thinking about them and my train of thought ends up going in circles, from one topic I've been over hundreds of times before to another without forming any kind of conclusion.
I still would rather live with that than try to ignore the world's flaws. So if I want to free up my mind for more productive thinking I'll need to learn to acknowledge them and factor them into my thought processes without my brain melting down. I've already gotten some advice on that and started trying to apply it, but I want as much help as I can get. So if any of you know any ways to combat what I'm talking about, please share them. I understand a technique that worked for somebody else isn't guaranteed to work for me, but there's a chance.
So, I tend to worry about everything. Based on what I've seen and heard, I feel like there are always more ways for something to go wrong than to go right. And because of that, things do mess up most often than they don't. That idea is still kind of half-baked in my head, though, and I think I'd still have this problem if I hadn't thought of it. The thing is, I get anxious about things I have no way to impact. And I can't decide what to think about that. I definitely want to be aware of the world's problems, and all its shitty possibilities, but sometimes I can't stop thinking about them and my train of thought ends up going in circles, from one topic I've been over hundreds of times before to another without forming any kind of conclusion.
I still would rather live with that than try to ignore the world's flaws. So if I want to free up my mind for more productive thinking I'll need to learn to acknowledge them and factor them into my thought processes without my brain melting down. I've already gotten some advice on that and started trying to apply it, but I want as much help as I can get. So if any of you know any ways to combat what I'm talking about, please share them. I understand a technique that worked for somebody else isn't guaranteed to work for me, but there's a chance.
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