our government really is falling down on the job. We are under constant siege by dimfucks and fuckbrains and other shady persons qualifying for fuck-related slurs. We have had a long recent history of awful attempts at violence and the public news stream is full of cock, repost, and assorted bullshit. What have we gotten for our votes? Nothing. What have we gotten for our taxes? Nothing. What has our government given us? Nothing. Not even basic services like completed punchlines. It is for these reasons that I submit to you this petition.
-----------PETITION FOLLOWS-------------
I, _____(legal name)_______, BEING OF RELATIVELY SOUND MIND AND CONSCIENCE, DO WITH ALL SERIOUSNESS AGREE TO THE IMMEDIATE IMPEACHMENT AND FORCEFUL REMOVAL FROM OFFICE OF THE CURRENT MEXICO, AND AFFIX MY GOOD NAME AND __(number between 85 and 100)__% OF MY PERSONAL FORTUNE TOWARD HOLDING A PUBLIC REFERENDUM IN ORDER TO ELECT A NEW MEXICO, WITHIN THE NEXT __(number between 0 and 1)__ DAYS.
SO MOTE IT BE
__(signature or pee stain)__
If nominated, I shall not run. If elected, I shall not serve.
I will stay in my mountain shack, jealously keeping THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE to myself.
I'm the only New Englander who was there that day that hasn't heard the second half.
I don't know who should be nominated, but whoever it is better amass an army to surround your awful compound in Tucson and TAKE the second half of the joke from you BY FORCE.
If elected Mexico, I will ask El Bueno Reverendo Rojelio what the second half of the joke is. And then I will maintain it as a state secret, like all of those dealings with Los Zetas Reticulanos we don't tell the Americans about because we don't want them to get all that sweet alien technology we're reverse engineering at all those old Aztec pyramids.
Quote from: V3X on September 26, 2014, 05:16:03 AM
I don't know who should be nominated, but whoever it is better amass an army to surround your awful compound in Tucson and TAKE the second half of the joke from you BY FORCE.
I'll burn it first.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 26, 2014, 05:20:19 AM
Quote from: V3X on September 26, 2014, 05:16:03 AM
I don't know who should be nominated, but whoever it is better amass an army to surround your awful compound in Tucson and TAKE the second half of the joke from you BY FORCE.
I'll burn it first.
You
would. Your barely legitimate charade of democracy propped up by six-guns and the bones of Old West heroes will crumble soon enough, though, and then the People can sweep in victoriously and view the ENTIRE joke as it was meant to be in the beginning.
Quote from: Ållnephew Tvýðleþøn on September 26, 2014, 05:19:38 AM
If elected Mexico, I will ask El Bueno Reverendo Rojelio what the second half of the joke is. And then I will maintain it as a state secret, like all of those dealings with Los Zetas Reticulanos we don't tell the Americans about because we don't want them to get all that sweet alien technology we're reverse engineering at all those old Aztec pyramids.
Don't worry, you won't get the chance. We've got a PAC with a rap sheet on you three miles long, and that's just up to the first grade. If you so much as form an exploratory committee, we'll drag your reputation through so much mud even the good people of MEXICO will demand you be deported.
I think I would nominate PANGO!. Just think what his wise and benevolent leadership would do for our great society. Just think.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on September 26, 2014, 05:32:45 AM
I think I would nominate PANGO!. Just think what his wise and benevolent leadership would do for our great society. Just think.
This sounds like a terrible idea to me, for some reason.
Quote from: V3X on September 26, 2014, 05:37:39 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on September 26, 2014, 05:32:45 AM
I think I would nominate PANGO!. Just think what his wise and benevolent leadership would do for our great society. Just think.
This sounds like a terrible idea to me, for some reason.
I don't think you're serious about good government, V3X.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on September 26, 2014, 07:13:38 AM
Quote from: V3X on September 26, 2014, 05:37:39 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on September 26, 2014, 05:32:45 AM
I think I would nominate PANGO!. Just think what his wise and benevolent leadership would do for our great society. Just think.
This sounds like a terrible idea to me, for some reason.
I don't think you're serious about good government, V3X.
The trains might run on time, but I'd hate to imagine where they'd be headed.
Good people, as your former Mexico I have a few words on this matter.
It was I, Eater of Clowns, who ran against "The" Good Reverend Roger and exposed him as the lizard he is.
It was I, Eater of Clowns, who warned you of the evils of Juntakenstein.
It was I, Eater of Clowns, who introduced you to PROJECT INFINITE MEXICO, who assured you that so long as you were not a hateful lizard, you too could be Mexico.
And now it is I, Eater of Clowns, who assures you that, should you once again place your faith in me, dear Mexicos, well, I would be honored, and privileged, to inform you that you may fuck yourselves sideways.
You had your chance, failed, substandard, imbecilic little Mexicos. You had your chance and shat it on the rug.
Yeah, because you can totally trust someone who's been deposed twice already.
The people have spoken, accept your loss graciously. Or not, it's always fun watching you embarrass yourself just trying to remember the first part of the joke.
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-0HFtutqrYTc/VCVXwacIaKI/AAAAAAAABI0/6BrFZHOkmiE/w445-h135-no/LMNO%2BFOR%2BMEXICO.png)
I'd vote for that.
(https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-BVDjHkICS4o/VCVZt5un6KI/AAAAAAAABJA/-OPSAwIh88Q/w453-h142-no/VOTE%2BCAT%2BPEEN.png)
A vote for Doktor Howl is a vote for SCIENCE, by any means available.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on September 26, 2014, 05:32:45 AM
I think I would nominate PANGO!. Just think what his wise and benevolent leadership would do for our great society. Just think.
PANGO! APPRECIATE NOMINATION, HOWEVER IS UNABLE TO FULFILL DUTY OF MEXICO FOR FOLLOWING REASON:
- MEXICO IS POWERLESS FIGUREHEAD, EXACT OPPOSITE OF PANGO! NATURAL STATE. PANGO! HAD MORE GREAT POWER IN LEFT ROBOTIC TESTICLE ON DATE OF MANUFACTURE THAN SILLY MEXICO HAVE EVEN ON GOOD DAY.
- HUMAN SWINEPIGS DO NOT HAVE STOMACH FOR WORK WHAT MUST BE DONE IF PANGO! ASCEND TO MEXICOHOOD. WILL BREAK BACKS, WILL STUB TOES, WILL ORPHAN CHILDREN. IS NOT PRETTY THING, BUT IS NECESSARY THING. BEING MEXICO WILL DISTRACT FROM TASK AT HAND.
HOWEVER, PANGO! WILL BE HAPPY TO SUBMIT TO YOU DOGS THESE GLORIOUS BALLOT MEASURES FOR CONSIDERATION:
1. ELECTRIC MEAT GRINDER FITTED TO NETHER REGIONS OF EXPECTANT MOTHERS WITH OFF SWITCH POWERED BY PIGGY BANK, FOR COLLECTING TAXES. WILL SEE STATE COFFERS SWELL. END TO ALL POVERTY. IS MOST REASONABLE PLAN.
2. FOR MAXIMUM EQUALITY, MARRIAGE DEFINED AS "UNION OF ONE OR MORE PERSONS CAPABLE OF MAKING EACH OTHER CRY."
3. ABORTION OUTLAWED EXCEPT IN CASES WHERE PREGNANCY MIGHT LEAD TO MORE HUMANS, IN WHICH CASE IS MANDATORY.
4. COMPULSORY RELIGION: ALL PIGS IN HUMANSUITS MUST PRAY TO PANGO! AND SING PRAISES OF INTERGALACTIC CONQUEST.
5. TORT REFORM: FELONY CHARGES FOR ANY OF YOU SHITSTICKS FOUND GUILTY OF BEING POLITICIAN.
6. MINIMUM WAGE RAISED TO "WE ALLOW YOU TO LIVE ONE MORE DAY"
ACCEPT PANGO! PLATFORM AND NOBODY GET HURT (AT LEAST NOT NOW).
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-atljni_uG-I/VCWhzbdA6dI/AAAAAAAABJQ/03iwlXQ68YA/w452-h141-no/Pago%2BBallot%2B5.png)
Okay, now I'm torn. PANGO! or LMNO? On one hand, PANGO! has a handy plan for handling politicians, abortion, AND intergalactic conquest. On the other hand, LMNO promises donkey shows.
I can't decide!
As deposed Mexico, I officially endorse the donkey.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on September 26, 2014, 12:11:41 PM
(https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-BVDjHkICS4o/VCVZt5un6KI/AAAAAAAABJA/-OPSAwIh88Q/w453-h142-no/VOTE%2BCAT%2BPEEN.png)
This is literally true. I'm
still sorry.
I'm voting LMNO.
DONKEY SHOWS!
I'm amazed Enrico hasn't tried a coup by now...
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on September 26, 2014, 06:00:25 PM
I'm amazed Enrico hasn't tried a coup by now...
I thought Enrico was
living in Wisconsin under the Witness Protection Program dead...
Look, the simple fact here is you have to vote for the person with the best campaign lies promises and propaganda literature.
I can lie my ass off, and I even have propaganda promotional materials kicking around to show just how much more awesome my benevolent tyranny would be. Let's face it, it's a two party race at best. If it's not me protecting you, it's Q.G cthulhu that you'll be dealing with and the only promise she's made involves the eating of souls. It's hardly an choice now is it?
I vote for PANGO! (I don't want to get hurt today)
Alright, I think I see the problem here. People have to mull over benefits. I'm going to threaten my way into being Mexico. If you do not elect me to be Mexico, I will tell the Welsh about this place and say it's filled with rarebit and coal. All of them. Do you like vowels? Then you'd better make me Mexico.
I don't even remember the first half of the joke. Vote waffles
Donkey.
Vote Donkey.
Quote from: Ållnephew Tvýðleþøn on September 26, 2014, 09:08:04 PM
Alright, I think I see the problem here. People have to mull over benefits. I'm going to threaten my way into being Mexico. If you do not elect me to be Mexico, I will tell the Welsh about this place and say it's filled with rarebit and coal. All of them. Do you like vowels? Then you'd better make me Mexico.
Another strong platform. O.O
Who's Mexico right now?
Quote from: Allfader Waffles on September 26, 2014, 11:58:45 PM
I don't even remember the first half of the joke. Vote waffles
I'M ONLY VOTING WAFFLES IF THERE IS A CROSS-DRESSING SCANDAL!
:fap:
Tap that power vacume vacuum for zero-point energy!
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on September 29, 2014, 02:30:38 AM
Who's Mexico right now?
I thought you were. If you're not then there's thousands being sacrificed daily for nothing.
Quote from: Pope Pixie Pickle on September 29, 2014, 05:30:39 AM
Quote from: Allfader Waffles on September 26, 2014, 11:58:45 PM
I don't even remember the first half of the joke. Vote waffles
I'M ONLY VOTING WAFFLES IF THERE IS A CROSS-DRESSING SCANDAL!
This is a given. The headline will be:
Mexico Candidate caught red-handed in a lovely dress from Roland Mouret while being pleased at the Viking Ship Museum.
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-OfMV-i_BDuE/VClQ5cYgbeI/AAAAAAAABJ8/9MDY7c9J0wY/w451-h141-no/LMNO%2BMexico%2B2.png)
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on September 29, 2014, 12:23:02 PM
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-OfMV-i_BDuE/VClQ5cYgbeI/AAAAAAAABJ8/9MDY7c9J0wY/w451-h141-no/LMNO%2BMexico%2B2.png)
With respect,
We've all heard big Donkey Show promises before sir. The current administration rode in on them.
The people need results, and that means complete deregulation. Do you have the courage to tear down the barriers that a robotic opponent might not?
Once the winner is announce, of course, I plan to heckle that person to death with requests for status reports?
Quote from: a somewhat wiser Joe. on September 29, 2014, 02:17:51 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on September 29, 2014, 12:23:02 PM
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-OfMV-i_BDuE/VClQ5cYgbeI/AAAAAAAABJ8/9MDY7c9J0wY/w451-h141-no/LMNO%2BMexico%2B2.png)
With respect,
We've all heard big Donkey Show promises before sir. The current administration rode in on them.
The people need results, and that means complete deregulation. Do you have the courage to tear down the barriers that a robotic opponent might not?
(https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Pw8T7yxzeeo/VClteA6Bw8I/AAAAAAAABKM/bdSkwSj3eBc/w451-h141-no/LMN%2BMexico%2B3.png)
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on September 29, 2014, 02:25:12 PM
Quote from: a somewhat wiser Joe. on September 29, 2014, 02:17:51 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on September 29, 2014, 12:23:02 PM
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-OfMV-i_BDuE/VClQ5cYgbeI/AAAAAAAABJ8/9MDY7c9J0wY/w451-h141-no/LMNO%2BMexico%2B2.png)
With respect,
We've all heard big Donkey Show promises before sir. The current administration rode in on them.
The people need results, and that means complete deregulation. Do you have the courage to tear down the barriers that a robotic opponent might not?
(https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Pw8T7yxzeeo/VClteA6Bw8I/AAAAAAAABKM/bdSkwSj3eBc/w451-h141-no/LMN%2BMexico%2B3.png)
:lulz: oh.. that got my vote! AND as many as I can swindle out of the ederly and young voter demographics.
Must learn to host pics. Got one from Airplane 2 on my phone that would be perfect... I'll learn. Gimme time!
Quote from: Junkenstein on September 29, 2014, 07:39:22 AM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on September 29, 2014, 02:30:38 AM
Who's Mexico right now?
I thought you were. If you're not then there's thousands being sacrificed daily for nothing.
Well, not for
nothing...
A vote for me is a vote binks.
Quote from: Derrick Broze on September 29, 2014, 04:26:13 PM
A vote for me is a vote binks.
I have renounced my butthurt. Voting Bearman/Binks, because you assgoblins DESERVE it. I shall tell THEM the second half of the joke.
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on September 29, 2014, 04:22:47 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on September 29, 2014, 07:39:22 AM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on September 29, 2014, 02:30:38 AM
Who's Mexico right now?
I thought you were. If you're not then there's thousands being sacrificed daily for nothing.
Well, not for nothing...
Point. Skulls don't just pile themselves up I guess.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 29, 2014, 04:27:39 PM
Quote from: Derrick Broze on September 29, 2014, 04:26:13 PM
A vote for me is a vote binks.
I have renounced my butthurt. Voting Bearman/Binks, because you assgoblins DESERVE it. I shall tell THEM the second half of the joke.
The first half requires SAP.