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Messages - Doktor Howl

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 2017
1
Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« on: July 30, 2021, 11:38:25 pm »
For most buildings, the sewer interlock is just a 180 degree trap, like you have under your sink.

That much I know, but I assumed a drone would be able to navigate a regular trap (it might impose some size limitations, but this critter is already capable of ascending a ten-foot pipe, so I expect mobility is solvable).

What I had in mind was putting two valves in series downstream of the toilet, designed such that only one of them could open at a time (like an airlock).  The toilet flushes, the first valve opens, poop passes, then it closes, then the second valve opens, the idea being that there is always a physical barrier to anything moving upstream.  This would be an expensive retrofit, would be susceptible to clogging, and probably wouldn't even be very effective (if the drone just stops and waits, couldn't it get past the valves in two flushes, anyway?)

That would be awesome the first time the lower valve malfunctions.

2
Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« on: July 30, 2021, 06:39:17 pm »
I have questions:
Was the 7 minutes needed to get the drone OUT, or to get it IN before he arrived.

How does this identify if it has its target: has it got a variation on facial detection techniques for ass cheeks?

1.  In.  I might have to use the toilet, after all.

2.  It's not very discriminating.  37C +/2.

Imagine the scene from predator where he tricks the thermal sensor with mud to cool his skin, but in the bathroom and not the jungle, and not with mud

This was in fact brought up by myself and two others, and dismissed by our clients.

So we had it written into the contract that we are not responsible for stirred shit.  No kidding.

3
Apple Talk / Re: Only losers post in this thread
« on: July 30, 2021, 05:10:31 pm »
I'm just here to state what everyone already knows.

4
Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« on: July 30, 2021, 05:08:47 pm »
Me:  "Boss, I'm building a drone that goes up the sewer pipes into peoples' toilets.  This is an all-new nightmare.  Do you have some NORMAL people around to build that?"

I was thinking about countermeasures for this.  By the time I figured that we might need an encrypted data channel between the toilet flush controller and the sewage interlock, it became clear that:

1.  I don't understand much about plumbing.
2.  Any travelling heads of state would be best served to request a hotel room without a toilet, and they will just have to go in a chamber pot.

For most buildings, the sewer interlock is just a 180 degree trap, like you have under your sink.

5
Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« on: July 30, 2021, 05:07:37 pm »
I have questions:
Was the 7 minutes needed to get the drone OUT, or to get it IN before he arrived.

How does this identify if it has its target: has it got a variation on facial detection techniques for ass cheeks?

1.  In.  I might have to use the toilet, after all.

2.  It's not very discriminating.  37C +/2.

6
Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« on: July 28, 2021, 08:57:05 pm »
Today at work:

CEO:  "Hey, Hamish..."

Me:  "Hamvin."

CEO: "What?"

Me:  "Hamvin.  Me and Kevin accidentally got fused and..."

CEO:  "You are so goddamn weird."

Me:  "Boss, I'm building a drone that goes up the sewer pipes into peoples' toilets.  This is an all-new nightmare.  Do you have some NORMAL people around to build that?"

Walter:  "He's right, man this is pretty fucked up."

Me:  "You hush, Walter, we're building a better world."

Walter: "I thought you said toilet drones."

Me:  "I did.  That's a better world than a world with no toilet drones."

CEO:  *walks out*

Walter:  "I'm going to the can."

Me:  "Can you hold it like 7 minutes?"

Walter:  *looks startled*

Me:  "A better world, Walter."




7
Apple Talk / Re: Last one to post in thread wins
« on: July 28, 2021, 12:38:45 am »
It's OK, she's been auto-resurrected. I used self raising flour

I'm so alone.  :cry:

8
Apple Talk / Re: Last one to post in thread wins
« on: July 26, 2021, 06:42:51 pm »
Which birthday though? Like are we talking about a 39th birthday cupcake, or one of those dealies the stripper pops out of on a year divisible by 10?

We don't the second kind after Faust baked the cake with the stripper already in it.

9
Aneristic Illusions / Re: Picking Cain's Brains
« on: July 26, 2021, 03:55:53 pm »
I'm in the UK.

I can strongly empathise with both an island nation and urge to do a coup. And if I did, I'd be sure at least two other fucks would join in. Itd Probably be at least be between farage, piers Morgan, count binface, p3nt Cain, blair and me. And I'm reasonably certain we're each waiting for the other to go first.
I'm in the USA.  A bunch of yokels went first.  It ended well for everyone.

10
Apple Talk / Re: Last one to post in thread wins
« on: July 26, 2021, 03:53:51 pm »
I just took a shit the size of a birthday cake.

11
Apple Talk / Re: Last one to post in thread wins
« on: July 23, 2021, 07:32:05 pm »
Not been lurking for a few weeks, this is the new open bar, right?

Nope.  This is the death rattle thread.

12
Or Kill Me / Re: Apocamysticism
« on: July 23, 2021, 04:24:37 pm »
Donít people know that cheerleading the end of the world is REALLY FUCKING STUPID?

:cry:

13
Apple Talk / Re: Last one to post in thread wins
« on: July 22, 2021, 07:41:31 pm »
This post is an offer to enter into a legal contract.  By posting in this thread, immediately following this message, you accept the offer and agree to abide by the terms of this contract.  Any post shall be construed as acceptance; the contents of said post are not relevant.

For the purposes of this contract, the person making the next post in this thread (if any), and thereby accepting the offer, shall be known as the party of the first part.

Ok. You have two days to bring me the flax. I expect an invioce for costs in detail in order to fulfill my end. Per the contract I am under no obligation to give you further information about my location, but without notarized PROOF of delivery you will be in actionable breach of your own contract.

Good luck.

As highlighted above, only the immediately following post qualifies.  Regrettably, you came in second by twenty minutes, and Doktor Howl is now the party of the first part.

I have consulted with a lawyer qualified in exotemporal contract law, and have been informed that since it is currently 1973 in Tucson, Doktor Howl has forty-eight years plus two business days to complete payment.

 :lulz: :lulz: Ahhhh... The olde space-timewarp Tucson maneuver eh? You STILL got 2 days from the current point in the time"line" to deliver to Howl.

He has all of last week in which to comply.

14
Apple Talk / Re: Last one to post in thread wins
« on: July 22, 2021, 05:05:48 pm »
One day I'll post about The Mgt in here. Then you'll all be sorry. So will I, but it'll be for the greater good.

The Mgt is a myth.

15
Apple Talk / Re: Last one to post in thread wins
« on: July 20, 2021, 04:05:00 pm »
I'm just here to watch LMNO let the beat drop.

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