Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Or Kill Me => Topic started by: Adios on May 13, 2010, 12:41:11 am

Title: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 13, 2010, 12:41:11 am
I used to survey in the black water swamps south of Kissimmee, Florida. All day we carried machete's  and chain saws so we could cut line for the instrument to see the next point. Anyone who knows anything about swamps knows there are BAD things that live there. Things that can hurt, maim or even kill you. We would wade around in water so black you couldn't even see an inch below the surface. You never knew what the next step would bring.


Sure, once in a while we would happen upon dry places, well relatively dry. These places were no safer than the water, in fact possibly even more dangerous. We had found one such place once and we were exhausted as one can get in 90 plus degree heat without a breath of wind and 100% humidity. As we were all resting trying to catch our breath I felt a slight sting on my right foot.


I looked down and a pygmy rattler had managed to get one fang through my boot. I used my machete to get him off of my boot and chopped his head off and sat down and promptly got sick. We were about 5 miles from the trucks so the crew just waited until I felt better then we headed back. Day was over anyway. It only took about an hour to lose the effects of the snake bite and I was relieved it wasn't an eastern diamondback or worse a cottonmouth.


Bees were the worst. One of the crew was in the lead and was cutting through palmetto bush and hit a bumblebee nest that was in the ground.  The sky turned black and we all took off, except the lead man fell. He was stung several times but 13 times in the face. We went to see him in the hospital. He didn't have a face. It was swollen beyond any human recognition. He was in the hospital for three weeks. He recovered just fine.


Another one of the crew was bitten in the right hand by a cottonmouth. His right arm from the elbow down just died. There was no meat, just skin covering the bone. He lived but never recovered.

The lead man was always switched out so we all took turns. It seems gators like to take their tails and make deep holes so if there is a dry spell the gator holes still have water in them. These holes average about twenty feet deep and if you step in one all you can do is wait to hit bottom and kick back up. No one ever got hurt when this happened but it was pretty scary. Good times. Fortunately this was a rare incident.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on May 13, 2010, 12:53:54 am
Hawk, holy shit.  Dude.

Aren't you guys allowed to carry antivenom on you?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 13, 2010, 12:57:05 am
Hawk, holy shit.  Dude.

Aren't you guys allowed to carry antivenom on you?

In the mid to late '70's we didn't know what that was.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on May 13, 2010, 01:00:38 am
Damn. :(
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jenne on May 13, 2010, 02:35:14 pm
Fuck.  That's...some terrible shit. :(  But the writing's great, Hawk.  Glad you're sharing this, harsh though it may be.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 13, 2010, 02:38:03 pm
Thanks Jenne. Didn't mean for it to be harsh. We were all wild and young and I guess we just accepted it for what it was.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 13, 2010, 04:25:36 pm
One day all 4 crews were in one place ( a rare thing) and my friend Pancho pulled a .357 and put a round between my feet. I kind of snapped and charged him. We fought for about 30 minutes without either of us getting the upper hand and finally we had to quit because we were too damn tired to continue.

The field supervisor and the office supervisor had been making bets on the winner and everybody else was just watching and cheering. I had a black eye but had left my teeth marks on Panchos arm and we both had sever other marks. Then the whole damn thing got funny and we laughed about it over beers.

It was the last time Pancho ever shot at me.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 13, 2010, 06:23:09 pm
Just goes to show that there are places still  (assuming it hasn't been drained, and built over) that are not conducive to people .
Bio-diversity has become another word for "Hostile to Humans".
Swamps are always the last areas to get built on. Mosquitoes are the guardians of these places . Gators are just cool.  A 357 is a bad way to start a fight. Fists and teeth are a great way to end one though.
And the point, for me, is that what at first seems like a good reason to beat seven bales of shit out of one another, half an hour later, is no more than something to laugh about.

Scenes of "Southern Comfort" rise to my inner eye.

edit: And I love the surreal backwardness of a fight, being started with a gun, then immediately de-escalating into a one on one brawling fistfight. Especially since the popular stereotype of  "Americans with guns" paints a different picture, usually  starting with a punch, and ending with a bullet.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 13, 2010, 07:56:04 pm
Just goes to show that there are places still  (assuming it hasn't been drained, and built over) that are not conducive to people .
Bio-diversity has become another word for "Hostile to Humans".
Swamps are always the last areas to get built on. Mosquitoes are the guardians of these places . Gators are just cool.  A 357 is a bad way to start a fight. Fists and teeth are a great way to end one though.
And the point, for me, is that what at first seems like a good reason to beat seven bales of shit out of one another, half an hour later, is no more than something to laugh about.

Scenes of "Southern Comfort" rise to my inner eye.

edit: And I love the surreal backwardness of a fight, being started with a gun, then immediately de-escalating into a one on one brawling fistfight. Especially since the popular stereotype of  "Americans with guns" paints a different picture, usually  starting with a punch, and ending with a bullet.

Hillbillys have fun in unusual ways.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 13, 2010, 08:10:08 pm
Oh, and the whole swamp is now a city called Poinciana.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 14, 2010, 04:03:01 pm
We had a dry land job one day that really didn't require a lot of cutting for line of sight. About a mile into the woods we did however encounter a slight obstacle. An Oak tree. I'm not talking about your garden variety oak tree either. This tree had branches bigger than most trees trunks and the weight carried them to the ground where they then went back up seeking the sun. This tree was directly in out line and the party chief wanted to cut it down. This caused a full crew riot for more than one reason.

The magnificence of the tree was one and the sheer size was a distant second. Four grown men touching fingers around the tree were barely able to close the circle. I couldn't even guess as to the height of the tree.

After much debate we decided to go around it which took quite a bit of work and some time but were were all very satisfied with out days work.

Also on this job we found twenty six foot high potted pot plants. DUDE.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 14, 2010, 04:26:35 pm
We had a dry land job one day that really didn't require a lot of cutting for line of sight. About a mile into the woods we did however encounter a slight obstacle. An Oak tree. I'm not talking about your garden variety oak tree either. This tree had branches bigger than most trees trunks and the weight carried them to the ground where they then went back up seeking the sun. This tree was directly in out line and the party chief wanted to cut it down. This caused a full crew riot for more than one reason.

The magnificence of the tree was one and the sheer size was a distant second. Four grown men touching fingers around the tree were barely able to close the circle. I couldn't even guess as to the height of the tree.

After much debate we decided to go around it which took quite a bit of work and some time but were were all very satisfied with out days work.

Also on this job we found twenty six foot high potted pot plants. DUDE.

I reckon you deserved them, for not cutting down that Oak tree.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 14, 2010, 04:43:59 pm
Have you ever been really scared? I mean the kind of scared you can't even shit your pants scared.

We found a dry place to rest and were sitting too tired to talk just trying to keep the sweat out of our eyes.

Anyone who has ever been in a swamp can tell you visibility is limited. As we were sitting there suddenly it sounded like trees were being knocked down. There were no animal or machinery sounds at all. The sound was coming from just out of our sight. This sound continued for a full 360 degrees around us never once coming into sight. Once it got back to the original position there was dead silence.

We were unable and too afraid to speak but as we looked at each other the wide open eyes of each of us silently expressed our fear. We sat like this for about 30 minutes and gradually small animal sounds started up again. We sat unspeaking for another hour and then very quietly worked our way back out of the swamp. We looked for some evidence of what had circled and there was nothing. Just nothing. No downed trees. No path with damaged vegetation. Just nothing.

To this day I have no idea what happened and to this day I have no desire to investigate.

So we went back the next day and finished the job.

I told you we were young and crazy.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 14, 2010, 04:58:08 pm
Have you ever been really scared? I mean the kind of scared you can't even shit your pants scared.

Yeah, once.  I already talked about it.  I got so scared, I've never been scared since.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: LMNO on May 14, 2010, 05:00:28 pm
Wendigo, ITT.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 14, 2010, 05:07:27 pm
I have no explanation. I can tell you the hair on my arms stood on end from just writing about it.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 14, 2010, 05:13:17 pm
Have you ever been really scared? I mean the kind of scared you can't even shit your pants scared.

Yeah, once.  I already talked about it.  I got so scared, I've never been scared since.

It certainly does change a perspective.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jenne on May 14, 2010, 07:22:01 pm
STILL great stuff!  :D  Love it.  (I need the distraction, and this is a good way to do it!)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 14, 2010, 10:10:11 pm
Glad you are enjoying it! :)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 14, 2010, 10:52:03 pm
So let's ignore the mosquitoes, snakes, chiggers, leeches, ticks, spiders and bees for a moment. Let us put aside that when you swing a machete to cut down a tree you are leaving a potential punji stick in your back trail.
Pay no attention to the quicksand or floating islands you could fall through. Ignore the smell of rotting vegetation and stagnant water.

There are still alligators. Alligators are not cool. They are a prehistoric eating machine who can kill you as quickly with one end as the other. Imagine getting bitten by one and the instant need for 90 stitches from a single swipe of those large teeth filled with rotting meat. Say you can actually get away from one after this, and remember they can outrun you on dry land and in water you are just a toy.

Then imagine the weeks you will spend fighting off infection. Bad infections. Add in the physical recovery and top it off with the mental anguish.
The tail can break your legs with just one swipe. No, I am not talking about those poor baby gators you see some 300 pound guy 'wrestling'. I am talking the 10 - 14 foot variety found in the real world. Several hundred pounds of hungry.

So one day the field sup told me I had to swim a canal and it was obvious there were about 15 gators out there. I looked at him like he had lost his mind. He wasn't kidding. He told me if I swam slowly and didn't make a lot of noise they would just move out of my way.

So I picked up the instrument and tripod and put it on my back and started swimming. Damn if he wasn't right. They very slowly just kind of moved out of my way. Don't get me wrong. My asshole was certainly watertight that day like never before or since.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 14, 2010, 11:09:32 pm
So let's ignore the mosquitoes, snakes, chiggers, leeches, ticks, spiders and bees for a moment. Let us put aside that when you swing a machete to cut down a tree you are leaving a potential punji stick in your back trail.
Pay no attention to the quicksand or floating islands you could fall through. Ignore the smell of rotting vegetation and stagnant water.

There are still alligators. Alligators are not cool. They are a prehistoric eating machine who can kill you as quickly with one end as the other. Imagine getting bitten by one and the instant need for 90 stitches from a single swipe of those large teeth filled with rotting meat. Say you can actually get away from one after this, and remember they can outrun you on dry land and in water you are just a toy.

Then imagine the weeks you will spend fighting off infection. Bad infections. Add in the physical recovery and top it off with the mental anguish.
The tail can break your legs with just one swipe. No, I am not talking about those poor baby gators you see some 300 pound guy 'wrestling'. I am talking the 10 - 14 foot variety found in the real world. Several hundred pounds of hungry.

So one day the field sup told me I had to swim a canal and it was obvious there were about 15 gators out there. I looked at him like he had lost his mind. He wasn't kidding. He told me if I swam slowly and didn't make a lot of noise they would just move out of my way.

So I picked up the instrument and tripod and put it on my back and started swimming. Damn if he wasn't right. They very slowly just kind of moved out of my way. Don't get me wrong. My asshole was certainly watertight that day like never before or since.

More to come.

Thanks for this! This is riveting stuff, I can almost hear the whine of the mosquitoes, and the plop of unknown  things dropping into the water.
And the uncomfortable itch in the back of my neck, that makes me feel I'm being hunted .  I Keep expecting the ghost of Cyrus Gold to leap out of Slaughter Swamp, and drag me down into one of those alligator holes.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 14, 2010, 11:15:34 pm
So let's ignore the mosquitoes, snakes, chiggers, leeches, ticks, spiders and bees for a moment. Let us put aside that when you swing a machete to cut down a tree you are leaving a potential punji stick in your back trail.
Pay no attention to the quicksand or floating islands you could fall through. Ignore the smell of rotting vegetation and stagnant water.

There are still alligators. Alligators are not cool. They are a prehistoric eating machine who can kill you as quickly with one end as the other. Imagine getting bitten by one and the instant need for 90 stitches from a single swipe of those large teeth filled with rotting meat. Say you can actually get away from one after this, and remember they can outrun you on dry land and in water you are just a toy.

Then imagine the weeks you will spend fighting off infection. Bad infections. Add in the physical recovery and top it off with the mental anguish.
The tail can break your legs with just one swipe. No, I am not talking about those poor baby gators you see some 300 pound guy 'wrestling'. I am talking the 10 - 14 foot variety found in the real world. Several hundred pounds of hungry.

So one day the field sup told me I had to swim a canal and it was obvious there were about 15 gators out there. I looked at him like he had lost his mind. He wasn't kidding. He told me if I swam slowly and didn't make a lot of noise they would just move out of my way.

So I picked up the instrument and tripod and put it on my back and started swimming. Damn if he wasn't right. They very slowly just kind of moved out of my way. Don't get me wrong. My asshole was certainly watertight that day like never before or since.

More to come.

Thanks for this! This is riveting stuff, I can almost hear the whine of the mosquitoes, and the plop of unknown  things dropping into the water.
And the uncomfortable itch in the back of my neck, that makes me feel I'm being hunted .  I Keep expecting the ghost of Cyrus Gold to leap out of Slaughter Swamp, and drag me down into one of those alligator holes.

Thanks. I wasn't sure how this would be received but Dok has inspired me to put down some of my experiences in writing. Feed back is welcome and appreciated.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 15, 2010, 12:39:44 am
With fear I brought this to the most honest bunch of critics I know. So much of this is a first rough draft but any criticism is welcome. As I get back into my story telling mode I also expect more details to come into play. These are real experiences that happened to me or to people I knew when I was there.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 15, 2010, 06:49:09 pm
Some days just start bad. There is no other way to say it. It was first thing in the morning and we were just wading out in the swamp and had only made it about 20 feet when the party chief who was in the lead kind of squealed and swung his machete at the water. A cottonmouth had come to say good morning.

As it turned out he had cut half the head off and then we lost the snake. Now try to imagine 4 guys with razor sharp machetes in close proximity to each other all raised and ready to cut the first thing that even thought about moving. Now we had two concerns. If you have ever cut a snakes head off you know it keeps trying to bite and this head was in black water so we couldn't see where it was. Also we had a possibly live snake in a really bad mood in the water with us and we didn't know where it was.

We started working our way out of the swamp with each keeping watch in a different direction. The main problem with cottonmouths is they are aggressive. Most snakes will hear you coming and will try to get out of your way. A cottonmouth will come to see what the noise is about.

Well, we made it out of the water just fine and decided to just sit in the truck. All day. There was no safe way to go back to work. We decided we would pick up the next day and just work harder to make up the lost time.

Next morning.

It was a pretty morning, just a slight fog haze and no clouds. The sun was just starting to come up and the wildlife was waking up. We got all of out gear and started wading out again. Once again we made it about 20 feet in and from the back of the line a guy started yelling. Right about then all hell broke loose as a cottonmouth with half a head was swimming past us to get to the party chief. We were all swinging our machetes at it trying to finish the job but we were too worried about hitting another person. Finally the snake came clear of us and was going for the party chief and one guy got a clean swing and cut the rest of the head off.

We got out of the water, loaded up and went back to the meeting place and in no uncertain terms told the field sup he had to assign another crew to that area and give us another job. He complied. See, when you work in places like this and see and hear some things superstition seems more likely than if you haven't had to ever be there. We were believers. At least that day.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on May 15, 2010, 06:53:42 pm
AAAGH reading that gave me the fucking WILLIES. 

DAMN, HAWK.


I've read good horror novels with less impact.  You actually went through it though.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 16, 2010, 02:20:05 am
Thanks. Those were scary good times. :)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on May 16, 2010, 04:23:46 pm
I really hate that some animals, humans included, can go on with half their heads missing. 

Mother nature is kind of demonic sometimes.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 16, 2010, 05:31:21 pm
One day Pancho and I were working in a recently drained area. Drained swamps always creeped me out. For one thing they feel spongy when you walk in them. It makes you tired because it's like you expect the bottom to fall out from under you. Another thing is what wildlife remains is confused and more aggressive.

I haven't mentioned that Pancho is afraid of snakes yet have I? I mean the utter panic screaming kind of scared of snakes. I saw him and Ted get in a fist fight over who was going to climb a tree once to get away from a snake. Then that snake hid in the roots of that big cypress and we couldn't get it out. Not that we really tried all that hard. They were screaming like monkeys for us to do something but we were all laughing too hard. That poor snake finally left on it's own to get away from their screaming.

Well back to the story. All of a sudden Pancho screamed like a school girl and knocked me down as he went by. I got up cussing and looked at where he was pointing. My hair stood on end. It was the biggest damn cottonmouth I had ever seen. We measured it later at 6 feet.

I found a down tree about 3 inches in diameter and proceeded to beat the snake to death. He put up one mighty good fight too. His body was as big around as the top of my leg and i couldn't pick him up. So I grabbed him by the tail and we were walking back to the truck. I know, you are asking why I would do this thing. Easy, the party chief was terrified of snakes as well. Of course Pancho was well ahead of me and wouldn't help drag the snake out at all.

So we get back to the truck and I casually walk up and with all I had heaved this snake on the hood. The party chief was sitting behind the wheel and started screaming as I expected. He also locked all the doors and rolled up all the windows. I was leaning against the truck trying to catch my breath from laughing so hard.

Suddenly the party chiefs whole attitude changed and I looked around to see a might pissed off 6 foot long cottonmouth coiled up and ready to strike at me. I moved. Ok, I screamed and ran like a sissy. My knees were wobbly and I was a white as a sheet. Now once I recovered I gave up on the idea of beating the snake to death and after a few tense moments (because I had to get in striking range) I managed to chop off the head. I buried the head and that's when we measured this thing. 6 feet. I still have nightmares about that snake.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 16, 2010, 10:12:09 pm
The only other stuff I've read that describes "Swamp" like this, is "Swamp Thing" when Alan Moore used to write it. My own imagination, plus the narrative style, render the whole thing into panels, comic book style. The writing style is spare, with minimal adjectives, but this just enhances the engagement of the reader. The words flow like a train of thought should flow, easy to read, and wholly unpretentious, and capture the atmosphere, with an uncontrived naivety, that you just don't see very often. I'm thoroughly enjoying every piece of this. It has a conversational reality, that adds a  personal quality to every piece that many writers never seem to manage, and conveys a validity that only comes from personal experience. It's easy pace, and engaging content, give it a genre transcending quality, that could be developed into just about anything.
For instance, at the moment, your man Pancho, has the potential to be developed into a central character, or just kept as a peripheral device to flesh out the events described. Without describing him in any detail, there is already a view of what kind of character he is. This is really a fine piece of writing, and without wanting to get too gushy about it, you have a natural talent for almost dragging the reader in, and building atmosphere, that could go as far as you want to take it. Loving every bit of it so far.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on May 16, 2010, 10:22:07 pm
Wait, so you DRAGGED the snake, which you beat unconscious with a 3" tree, across the swamp, and it got back up when it heard laughter?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 16, 2010, 10:33:25 pm
Wait, so you DRAGGED the snake, which you beat unconscious with a 3" tree, across the swamp, and it got back up when it heard laughter?
You'd be pretty pissed off, if after being beaten unconscious, you awoke to hear people laughing at you!  Especially if you still had your venom sacs full to brimming with powerful neurotoxins. I would certainly want a chance to stick my fangs into the first mammal that came within striking distance.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on May 16, 2010, 10:49:23 pm
Just expressing my shock at how terrible nature is.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 16, 2010, 11:06:45 pm
Just expressing my shock at how terrible nature is.

Yeah, it's a real eye opener. Especially as I live in a country where the wildlife can't kill you.  Mind you, saying that, we have recently got breeding populations of wild boar, that have escaped from farms and  gone feral. I'm just waiting for the inevitable furore when someone gets attacked by one of these awesome creatures.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 16, 2010, 11:21:53 pm
The only other stuff I've read that describes "Swamp" like this, is "Swamp Thing" when Alan Moore used to write it. My own imagination, plus the narrative style, render the whole thing into panels, comic book style. The writing style is spare, with minimal adjectives, but this just enhances the engagement of the reader. The words flow like a train of thought should flow, easy to read, and wholly unpretentious, and capture the atmosphere, with an uncontrived naivety, that you just don't see very often. I'm thoroughly enjoying every piece of this. It has a conversational reality, that adds a  personal quality to every piece that many writers never seem to manage, and conveys a validity that only comes from personal experience. It's easy pace, and engaging content, give it a genre transcending quality, that could be developed into just about anything.
For instance, at the moment, your man Pancho, has the potential to be developed into a central character, or just kept as a peripheral device to flesh out the events described. Without describing him in any detail, there is already a view of what kind of character he is. This is really a fine piece of writing, and without wanting to get too gushy about it, you have a natural talent for almost dragging the reader in, and building atmosphere, that could go as far as you want to take it. Loving every bit of it so far.

Thank you so much. Pancho was a real character. I saw him drive a brand new VW Super Beetle across a pasture while shooting at a coyote.

I deeply appreciate your feedback. It has been nerve wracking trying to put these experiences into words.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 16, 2010, 11:23:01 pm
Wait, so you DRAGGED the snake, which you beat unconscious with a 3" tree, across the swamp, and it got back up when it heard laughter?

Honestly I think it was the heat off the engine that revived it. But yes, he was terribly upset with me when he did wake up.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 16, 2010, 11:24:22 pm
Just expressing my shock at how terrible nature is.

Ah, nature isn't terrible. Man cannot go into natures lair and expect nature to alter it's reality for a kinder gentler way while man is present.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Salty on May 17, 2010, 12:21:59 am
I've really enjoyed this thread so far.
The way raw nature so quickly removes our sense of superiority and replaces it with spine liquifying fear is awesome, and it's just cool how close you've been to it.

   
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 17, 2010, 12:24:49 am
I've really enjoyed this thread so far.
The way raw nature so quickly removes our sense of superiority and replaces it with spine liquifying fear is awesome, and it's just cool how close you've been to it.

   

Thank you. I have lived in the outdoors my entire life except for the last 5 or 6 years.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞ on May 17, 2010, 01:46:54 am
I have lived in the outdoors my entire life except for the last 5 or 6 years.

You're a recently domesticated Yeti?

I haven't had time to read all of this but I've been impressed. Great stuff.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 17, 2010, 10:27:51 am
I have lived in the outdoors my entire life except for the last 5 or 6 years.

You're a recently domesticated Yeti?

I haven't had time to read all of this but I've been impressed. Great stuff.

Thanks Net. You meant what I knew about the outdoors.  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 18, 2010, 03:57:50 pm
One day we were running elevations. As all the crews were on this project we were racing. They had us spaced about 25 yards apart so we could cover a lot of ground.

It seemed like a waste of time because the elevation was about a foot above sea level and as flat as a pancake. But we were getting paid so we ran elevations. We came on one spot that had no trees or bushes at all. A big spot, about 200 yards wide and about 100 yards across. Now we could really make some time.

Except.

Again I am going to blame Pancho because I am sure he was the one who jumped. I mean he jumped high. When he landed it was weird because he got shorted somehow. And then the bad thing happened.

A wave started from where he landed. We all were watching with a sense of dread. The instrument men started cussing when the wave reached them one by one. It knocked the instruments all out of level rendering all of our work worthless. We would have to start over now.

You know what a range pole is, it's the red and white candy cane poles surveyors use. We decided to push one through the ground. Then we added another one and pushed it down. Then another. We had six of these 6 foot poles connected and still had not reached a solid resistance.

We were on a floating island of enormous size.

Elevations were suspended as we began mapping the island. This was going back to engineering so they could go back to the client with some bad news.

We on the other hand had a blast fooling around on it trying to figure out how deep the vegetation that formed the island was and if it just started that deep or if it tapered down. The vegetation was about a foot thick and from what we could determine it simply started that deep

It was a fun day.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 18, 2010, 05:24:11 pm
(http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx128/ChuckFukmuk/bi%20polarity/swampthingbisley.jpg)


(http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx128/ChuckFukmuk/bi%20polarity/totleben.jpg)

You ever bump into this fella?  He likes living in the swamp! And he can be a bit more problematic than a cottonmouth!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 21, 2010, 01:01:30 am
The year was 1962. I was almost 9 years old and we were living in Moore Haven, Florida. It had been a good summer swimming in the river and fishing in Lake Okeechobee.
School was back in and life was going pretty good. It was the carefree life of a kid who was for the most part happy. I mean my stepfather was abusive but I spent as much time away from as possible.

One day in October this all changed. Everything changed. I think so many of us kids lost our innocence that fall. To the end of my days the memory of those 13 days will never change, never fade, never lose the terror of what might have been.

In school we were having more and more drills about ducking under our desks when the sirens went off or laying on the ground if we were outside. We didn't mind, it was something out of the ordinary. Then one day the President came on television. He said some things that confused us kids and our parents had to explain parts of it to us. We didn't know what an atom bomb was, but we learned. We didn't know where Cuba was, but we learned. What we understood was the Soviet Union had put some very bad things on an island only 90 miles away from us. Things that could pretty much destroy everything.

Children know when , or they did in those days,  when to be seen and not heard. Walter Cronkite Was on the television every night. So much was way too easy for us to understand, but some we as kids just couldn't figure out at all. One thing we all knew was that things had changed. Adults were quieter. There was less laughter. All over every neighborhood people were building concrete bomb shelters. Families were having their own drill about how to evacuate to the shelters. We were too poor to have one so we just practiced going to the middle of the house and laying down.

It was a frightening and confusing time for us and the adults just didn't want to talk to us kids about it. So we talked among ourselves and I am sure we made some of it worse than it was and some less bad than we should have. We had been taught in school that America had never lost a war but it sure sounded like Mr. Cronkite was trying to say we couldn't win this one. One thing was for sure, my stepfather drank more and got meaner.

I remember the school showing us films of the big bombs that we dropped on some place called Japan. A lot of us really wondered if we were being lied to about ducking under our desks being safe or not. I mean we were only kids but we could see whole building being just knocked flat, with nothing left. So we got scared. I wish they had never showed us those films. Even the teachers were quieter than normal and spoke in whispers when they talked to each other.

As more time went on the jumpier the adults got so we started spending as much time away from them as we could. We would fish and play but something was missing. It was like even at our age we were just going through the motions but having no real involvement in doing them. Every day got worse. Adults were yelling a lot more, and not just at us kids but at each other. Us kids got in more fights than usual. Grocery stores hardly even had any candy in them anymore.

Then one day everybody was laughing. Everybody was talking in loud happy voices. They even took the time to tell us kids that everything was going to be alright. But we were changed. In an age of innocence lost none of us would ever be the same again. We would never be able to trust to the same degree ever again. See, we now knew that people we didn't even know could get us killed for things we didn't even understand. The world was a lot scarier now. It has been ever since.

But as time passes memories fade. Or do they?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 23, 2010, 03:28:56 pm
We just had this bullshit in the UK.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPOo9mRQbTQ

Really quite naive and comical when you look at it now.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 23, 2010, 03:58:51 pm
Incredible.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 23, 2010, 04:05:36 pm
Incredible.

Yeah, we had drills at School, hiding under tables and stuff.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Pope Pixie Pickle on May 23, 2010, 04:15:00 pm
Imma look up the type of snake Hawk.

The stories are all awesome its just I would prefer a little more detail on the particular habits and appearance of the critters. Snakes are particlularly fascinating to me.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 23, 2010, 08:07:10 pm
Imma look up the type of snake Hawk.

The stories are all awesome its just I would prefer a little more detail on the particular habits and appearance of the critters. Snakes are particlularly fascinating to me.

Thanks for your input. I am working on more details on the re-write.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 23, 2010, 08:22:12 pm
Cottonmouths are mean and aggressive. In the spring they can roll up into balls of 50 or more and kind of roll across the water. Some kind of mating thing i guess. They are called cottonmouths because the inside of their mouths are as white as cotton and their breath really stinks. They can move really fast on either land or water but water is their element. Their venom is terrible. Certainly not always fatal but it can do a lot of permanent damage once you are bitten. They have no warning like a rattler so you have to keep your eyes open all the time because if you hear the hiss you may be in real trouble.

The pygmy rattler matures at 6 to 8 inches long and really has no rattles. They are poisionous but are generally too small to get a real bite in you.

The coral snake is the deadliest but again they kind of have to chew on you to get a fang in. Coral snakes can easily be confused with a king snake but the striped color bands are in different order, but don't take a long time deciding if it's a king or a coral snake.

The eastern diamondback is the king of rattlers and I have killed one that was over 6 feet long and as big around as the top of my leg.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on May 23, 2010, 08:48:28 pm
...How did you kill it?  Machete?

:aaa:

Things not to fuck with:  Wu Tang Clan, Hawk's machete.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 23, 2010, 09:01:35 pm
...How did you kill it?  Machete?

:aaa:

Things not to fuck with:  Wu Tang Clan, Hawk's machete.

Yes, a machete. I will write the entire story about it this week. It will make your skin crawl.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Roaring Biscuit! on May 23, 2010, 11:24:11 pm
you sir, have led a colourful life, to say the least!

x

edd
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 24, 2010, 12:15:27 am
you sir, have led a colourful life, to say the least!

x

edd

:)
We haven't even reached my 19th birthday in the story yet.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BADGE OF HONOR on May 24, 2010, 02:29:20 am
What about water moccasins?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Eater of Clowns on May 24, 2010, 06:23:29 am
Cottonmouths are mean and aggressive. In the spring they can roll up into balls of 50 or more and kind of roll across the water. Some kind of mating thing i guess. They are called cottonmouths because the inside of their mouths are as white as cotton and their breath really stinks. They can move really fast on either land or water but water is their element. Their venom is terrible. Certainly not always fatal but it can do a lot of permanent damage once you are bitten. They have no warning like a rattler so you have to keep your eyes open all the time because if you hear the hiss you may be in real trouble.

The pygmy rattler matures at 6 to 8 inches long and really has no rattles. They are poisionous but are generally too small to get a real bite in you.

The coral snake is the deadliest but again they kind of have to chew on you to get a fang in. Coral snakes can easily be confused with a king snake but the striped color bands are in different order, but don't take a long time deciding if it's a king or a coral snake.

The eastern diamondback is the king of rattlers and I have killed one that was over 6 feet long and as big around as the top of my leg.

Red touches black, you're okay jack.  Red touches yellow, you're a dead fellow.  That's how I learned it.

These are a really fantastic read, Hawk.  I look forward to more.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 24, 2010, 08:04:46 am
:mittens: I'm loving this whole thing.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 24, 2010, 01:42:32 pm
What about water moccasins?

A cottonmouth is a water moccasin.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 24, 2010, 01:43:41 pm
Cottonmouths are mean and aggressive. In the spring they can roll up into balls of 50 or more and kind of roll across the water. Some kind of mating thing i guess. They are called cottonmouths because the inside of their mouths are as white as cotton and their breath really stinks. They can move really fast on either land or water but water is their element. Their venom is terrible. Certainly not always fatal but it can do a lot of permanent damage once you are bitten. They have no warning like a rattler so you have to keep your eyes open all the time because if you hear the hiss you may be in real trouble.

The pygmy rattler matures at 6 to 8 inches long and really has no rattles. They are poisionous but are generally too small to get a real bite in you.

The coral snake is the deadliest but again they kind of have to chew on you to get a fang in. Coral snakes can easily be confused with a king snake but the striped color bands are in different order, but don't take a long time deciding if it's a king or a coral snake.

The eastern diamondback is the king of rattlers and I have killed one that was over 6 feet long and as big around as the top of my leg.

Red touches black, you're okay jack.  Red touches yellow, you're a dead fellow.  That's how I learned it.

These are a really fantastic read, Hawk.  I look forward to more.


Thank you!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 24, 2010, 01:44:10 pm
:mittens: I'm loving this whole thing.

Thank you!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Pope Pixie Pickle on May 24, 2010, 01:44:41 pm
Water moccasin was one of the names that came up when I searched said snake.

Seemed to fit the description.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 24, 2010, 02:12:12 pm
I hated cutting through palmetto bushes. If you have ever been to Florida you know palmetto bushes can cover huge amounts of ground. Horrible things live in palmetto fields and visibility on the ground is limited to where you have cut. Snakes and bees are the worst of the things in palmetto fields with javalinas coming in a solid third.

So of course we had a huge palmetto field to cut through one day. Now when you do this you can only swing your machete twice, then you have to stop and listen to see if they keep rattling. When you cut them it sounds like a rattle snake. If you are really unlucky you can hit a bumblebee nest and the sky then turns black with pissed off bees. Big ones. Oh, and let's not forget about yellow jackets. I hate yellow jackets.

We were a couple of hundred yards in when the rattling just kept rattling. Now when this happens everybody gets real light on their feet because you just can't see the damn thing. So we isolated where it was coming from and slowly cut the palmettos away. It was the biggest snake I had ever seen. It was coiled up and rattling furiously. There is no way you can leave a live snake on you back trail because you have to come back the same way you go in. So once again we found a tree limb about 10 feet long and about 2 inches in diameter. When we poked it at the snake he struck it about a foot from the bottom and the limb was just soaked and dripping venom. We tried to pin it down with the limb but the snake was just too strong. It would twist out from under it and coil right back up.

We (me) came up with a plan. One of the guys would try to distract it with the limb and I would come up from another angle and chop it's head off. It's a good thing we weren't being graded on brains that day. I mean it almost worked like we planned it out. Except the snake was able to detect my body heat and kept turning to face me. During all of this the snake is naturally getting madder all the time. Now he is starting to bring the game to us. So now everything was really interesting. After about four unsuccessful attempts to distract the snake with the tree limb it was time to end this nonsense and quickly.

This time I timed my approach with the snake detecting me and as he swung his head to face me I was already swinging my machete. I was lucky, very lucky. My machete was 2 feet long and the snake was 6 and a half feet long. That means he had roughly a 3 foot striking distance so you can do the math.

Once again we buried the head in the sand, took a nice long break to settle our (my)  nerves and then we finished out the day without another incident.

Just another day in Florida.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Roaring Biscuit! on May 24, 2010, 02:22:12 pm
I haz idea, PM incoming.

x
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 24, 2010, 02:52:41 pm
I haz idea, PM incoming.

x

I am publicly giving RB a big thank you for an excellent idea.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 24, 2010, 11:02:56 pm
I need another bladder treatment. Damn.

For those of you who haven't heard how this is done sit down and let me tell you a story.

First the medicine smells like canned corn left open in direct sunlight for days. It also makes me smell like that for 3 days afterward.

So the mix the cocktail. Then they shove a tube up my penis and insert a 'deadening' agent. HA. Then they remove that and shove a catheter up my penis all the way to my bladder. For those who have never had this pleasure let me tell you about the prostate gland and it's reaction to something that size going the wrong way on a one way street. It doesn't matter how big or tough you are I promise you will make little girl sounds. And the nurse then says the most intelligent thing you ever heard. "Just relax." WTF? Relax? If I could release my grip on the chair I would probably punch the nurse out.

Then they remove the catheter. At this point you would think the fun was over. OH HO. This party is just starting. See, then they put a metal clamp on the end of my penis and lock it in place. Then they set a timer for 15 minutes. That's right children, 15 minutes. At 5 minutes you start staring at the timer. At 8 minutes you can still almost make the timer out as your eyes film over. At 15 minutes you have to get up and walk, yes walk to the bathroom without allowing any leakage.

Now we are in the bathroom and one simply MUST sit for this. Everything is all stretched out and urine cannot be controlled. Then the smell rises like you just walked up on an open grave 2 weeks old full of bodies. Your eyes begin to water and you gasp for breath. Oh, and you must release the metal clamp yourself, by squeezing it together to unlock it.

Getting old sucks.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on May 24, 2010, 11:14:20 pm
I could never do that, any of it.  My god, times like these I really cherish the life of comfort I've lived.

ETA:  And at the same time I really hate it too.  What's the sense in my life being so cushy?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 24, 2010, 11:16:04 pm
I could never do that, any of it.  My god, times like these I really cherish the life of comfort I've lived.

The other option is to scream in unabated pain for the rest of your life.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on May 24, 2010, 11:18:05 pm
Horrors...  :(
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nast on May 25, 2010, 07:51:34 am
Oy vey, I'm sorry for all that awfulness that you've had to experience.  :sad:

People often don't recognize it when they're young and sprightly, but ones health really is the most important thing. It's hard to enjoy life when it consists mostly of physical discomfort and frightening body fluids!

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 25, 2010, 09:56:27 pm
I could never do that, any of it.  My god, times like these I really cherish the life of comfort I've lived.

ETA:  And at the same time I really hate it too.  What's the sense in my life being so cushy?


I wanted to think this over before I replied. I was raised to just live. It was never a conscious decision to suck the very marrow out of the bone of life, it was just something we did. Not everybody does it that way. When they feed this worn out body to the final flame there will no good working parts left. They will have been used up, the way I believe they are supposed to be.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 26, 2010, 12:03:07 am
I could never do that, any of it.  My god, times like these I really cherish the life of comfort I've lived.

ETA:  And at the same time I really hate it too.  What's the sense in my life being so cushy?


I wanted to think this over before I replied. I was raised to just live. It was never a conscious decision to suck the very marrow out of the bone of life, it was just something we did. Not everybody does it that way. When they feed this worn out body to the final flame there will no good working parts left. They will have been used up, the way I believe they are supposed to be.

We park our cars in the same garage. I fully expect my retirement to involve a wheelchair. If I can still move my hands I'm planning on writing a novel.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 26, 2010, 12:16:21 am
I could never do that, any of it.  My god, times like these I really cherish the life of comfort I've lived.

ETA:  And at the same time I really hate it too.  What's the sense in my life being so cushy?


I wanted to think this over before I replied. I was raised to just live. It was never a conscious decision to suck the very marrow out of the bone of life, it was just something we did. Not everybody does it that way. When they feed this worn out body to the final flame there will no good working parts left. They will have been used up, the way I believe they are supposed to be.

We park our cars in the same garage. I fully expect my retirement to involve a wheelchair. If I can still move my hands I'm planning on writing a novel.

Hence I am writing. I will transpose all of this into a novel after it is complete and I organize it. :)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 26, 2010, 01:11:41 am
I'm planning on being active and healthy up to the last few weeks, personally.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 26, 2010, 03:44:59 am
I always fancied getting struck by lightning, as a pretty cool way to check out. Quick, and spectacular, give people something to talk about, that's not going to diminish with the telling. Not that I'm in any hurry to go anywhere, but lightning is pretty dynamic way to go. Trees explode, because all the sap instantly turns into superheated steam, so how would a cardio-vascular system cope with steam instead of just normal blood? Or bone marrow? Probably blow you up like a bomb made from superheated fluids,  pieces of bone shrapnel, and teeth. Super speed photography from an event like that would be pretty awesome. Get loads of hits on you tube with that.

I'm sure I read that only about 20-25% of lightning strikees, are killed though. Most of them, are playing Golf, trying to get one more hole in before running for the 19th.
                                                      

  
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 26, 2010, 05:58:12 pm
Today we will have another Pancho story and talk about cutting line.

The sight line for the instrument has to be perfectly clear, not even tiny limbs can be in the line. Obviously the machete is the preferred tool for cutting line because it just works the best. Most of our cutting was small trees and brush.

Now when you are cutting small trees, especially 1 inch diameter and smaller what you are doing is cutting it on a sharp angle. This is just because we were cutting them as close to the ground as possible without having to bend over all day. So in effect we left punji sticks everywhere we went.

So on this day we were about 1000 feet down line and dog tired. Every now and then we would stop and hold a machete up so Pancho, who was the instrument man, could keep us on the correct line. It was just about time to set a marker so we could move the instrument closer to keep going. We would drive a 2 X 2 inch wooden stake in the ground then use a plumb bob to mark the exact spot on the stake and then drive a small nail in for exact position. If the distance was very long we would use a range pole for the sighting.

So we had just driven the stake in the ground when Pancho started screaming. Loud, non-stop, piercing screaming. We all took off running expecting the worst. Now remember we are running at full speed with all those punji sticks every step of the way and trip hazards everywhere. One stumble could have been fatal, but fortunately we made it back to Pancho just fine.

When we got there he was frozen in place with his arms in the air and a look of pure panic on his face. He was pale and still screaming and couldn't answer us when we asked what was wrong. We then saw a tiny green snake coiled around his ankle. A. Tiny. Green. Snake. We were pissed. I mean we all knew Pancho was terrified of snakes but we all risked out lives to get back to him. For A Tiny Green Snake.

We just kind of stood there staring at him for a while, he actually had drool coming out of his mouth and he was still screaming. I finally got tired of the noise and put my hand by the snake and it coiled around my wrist and put his head in my hand. All the snake wanted was to get off the cold ground and get warm.

Finally Pancho shut up and we tore into him for being stupid. He said some rather unpleasant things back and a fight almost broke out, but we were too tired.

I worked the rest of the day with that snake wrapped around my wrist. Every time we moved the instrument I helpfully offered to help Pancho and for some reason he kept saying no. Of course I stayed close to him when we moved the instrument. I felt it was my duty to protect him after such a fright. He kept moving away from me though.

We got back to the meeting place and the snake was still on my arm. In the van all the crews rode in to go home I kept trying to sit next to Pancho until the driver screamed we were making the van shake so much it was hard for him to keep it on the road.

It was a good day.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 26, 2010, 06:22:08 pm
Today we will have another Pancho story and talk about cutting line.

The sight line for the instrument has to be perfectly clear, not even tiny limbs can be in the line. Obviously the machete is the preferred tool for cutting line because it just works the best. Most of our cutting was small trees and brush.

Now when you are cutting small trees, especially 1 inch diameter and smaller what you are doing is cutting it on a sharp angle. This is just because we were cutting them as close to the ground as possible without having to bend over all day. So in effect we left punji sticks everywhere we went.

So on this day we were about 1000 feet down line and dog tired. Every now and then we would stop and hold a machete up so Pancho, who was the instrument man, could keep us on the correct line. It was just about time to set a marker so we could move the instrument closer to keep going. We would drive a 2 X 2 inch wooden stake in the ground then use a plumb bob to mark the exact spot on the stake and then drive a small nail in for exact position. If the distance was very long we would use a range pole for the sighting.

So we had just driven the stake in the ground when Pancho started screaming. Loud, non-stop, piercing screaming. We all took off running expecting the worst. Now remember we are running at full speed with all those punji sticks every step of the way and trip hazards everywhere. One stumble could have been fatal, but fortunately we made it back to Pancho just fine.

When we got there he was frozen in place with his arms in the air and a look of pure panic on his face. He was pale and still screaming and couldn't answer us when we asked what was wrong. We then saw a tiny green snake coiled around his ankle. A. Tiny. Green. Snake. We were pissed. I mean we all knew Pancho was terrified of snakes but we all risked out lives to get back to him. For A Tiny Green Snake.

We just kind of stood there staring at him for a while, he actually had drool coming out of his mouth and he was still screaming. I finally got tired of the noise and put my hand by the snake and it coiled around my wrist and put his head in my hand. All the snake wanted was to get off the cold ground and get warm.

Finally Pancho shut up and we tore into him for being stupid. He said some rather unpleasant things back and a fight almost broke out, but we were too tired.

I worked the rest of the day with that snake wrapped around my wrist. Every time we moved the instrument I helpfully offered to help Pancho and for some reason he kept saying no. Of course I stayed close to him when we moved the instrument. I felt it was my duty to protect him after such a fright. He kept moving away from me though.

We got back to the meeting place and the snake was still on my arm. In the van all the crews rode in to go home I kept trying to sit next to Pancho until the driver screamed we were making the van shake so much it was hard for him to keep it on the road.

It was a good day.

This post has me wondering whether the events here, occured before, or after he took his .45, and put a cap in the ground between your feet?
I'm feeling real pathos for poor Pancho here, (Although I'm sure he would have taken the piss with just as much enthusiasm, had the roles been reversed)

Was it one of those little emerald green tree snakes, with a sort of upturned, snouty nose? 
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 26, 2010, 06:27:41 pm
It was a .357 and I am a little fuzzy on the time line. The snake was just a garden variety green snake. See Pancho and I fought all the time, about anything. It was just good clean fun.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 27, 2010, 01:27:07 pm
Sometime the cards we are dealt aren't very good. My parents split when I was very young. They moved on and remarried. This left me with my mother and stepfather.

My stepfather had a temper and used it quite often. I was backhanded away from the dinner table once for one scratch of my wrist. Seriously, I just scratched it once. I was knocked to the floor.

If he was really mad he would make me lay naked on the bed while he beat me with a wide leather belt from my shoulders to my knees. It would leave nice large welts all over me and the criss cross designs were pretty cool.

He hated me because he never made me cry. Ever. He is the one who taught me to hate, I mean really hate. The mental abuse was far worse than the physical. He almost had me convinced I was the most worthless thing on the planet.

I was a scrawny kid and he was a pretty good sized man so there was nothing I could do about it. Or so I thought.

When I was 11 I ran away. They found me after 3 months and made me go back. I ran away again the next week. This time it only took 2 months to find me. The 3rd time I ran away they didn't find me for 5 months, I thought I was safe. I was wrong in a way.

This time they took me to the Orange county Juvenile Home in Orlando, Fl. where I had a very nice stay for 7 months. Then they decided I need to go back home. I told the judge I would be back and he was puzzled that I would rather be in juvenile hall than at home. It took 1 week to get back to juvenile hall. Life was good again. I got along good with everyone there, even the guards. Now right next door to juvenile hall was the Orange County Parental home. Due to my good behavior I was then sent there. I was in heaven. No locks, no guards, there was even a swimming pool. We went to public schools and had freedom to go for walks.

We had to keep out houses clean and share rooms with other kids but they were all good kids. This lasted about 4 months. I never had any visitors so a girl named Gigi and I (she never had visitors either) would always work the door to have the visitors sign in and we called the kids they came to see. One day I saw my mother walk in. I asked Gigi if she would be ok alone and she agreed. Then my own mother walked up to me and said "I am here to see Charles XXXXXXX." I just looked at her. She looked back and waited for me to call me. I gave it about 5 minutes and then stood up and said "Hello, Mother." She seemed to feel awkward and I just let her. I almost learned to not care that day.

They let me go about 4 months later because they decided I had learned my lesson and would be fine at home. They were wrong this time. I left home, got a job and rented a house. I had my motorcycle and a girlfriend and plenty of other friends. The cops knew where I was. My mother and stepfather didn't. No one came for me this time.

Life was finally looking up again.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 28, 2010, 05:11:29 am
This one kills me.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: snow bomb on May 28, 2010, 05:56:19 am
The year was 1962. I was almost 9 years old and we were living in Moore Haven, Florida. It had been a good summer swimming in the river and fishing in Lake Okeechobee.
School was back in and life was going pretty good. It was the carefree life of a kid who was for the most part happy. I mean my stepfather was abusive but I spent as much time away from as possible.

One day in October this all changed. Everything changed. I think so many of us kids lost our innocence that fall. To the end of my days the memory of those 13 days will never change, never fade, never lose the terror of what might have been.

In school we were having more and more drills about ducking under our desks when the sirens went off or laying on the ground if we were outside. We didn't mind, it was something out of the ordinary. Then one day the President came on television. He said some things that confused us kids and our parents had to explain parts of it to us. We didn't know what an atom bomb was, but we learned. We didn't know where Cuba was, but we learned. What we understood was the Soviet Union had put some very bad things on an island only 90 miles away from us. Things that could pretty much destroy everything.

Children know when , or they did in those days,  when to be seen and not heard. Walter Cronkite Was on the television every night. So much was way too easy for us to understand, but some we as kids just couldn't figure out at all. One thing we all knew was that things had changed. Adults were quieter. There was less laughter. All over every neighborhood people were building concrete bomb shelters. Families were having their own drill about how to evacuate to the shelters. We were too poor to have one so we just practiced going to the middle of the house and laying down.

It was a frightening and confusing time for us and the adults just didn't want to talk to us kids about it. So we talked among ourselves and I am sure we made some of it worse than it was and some less bad than we should have. We had been taught in school that America had never lost a war but it sure sounded like Mr. Cronkite was trying to say we couldn't win this one. One thing was for sure, my stepfather drank more and got meaner.

I remember the school showing us films of the big bombs that we dropped on some place called Japan. A lot of us really wondered if we were being lied to about ducking under our desks being safe or not. I mean we were only kids but we could see whole building being just knocked flat, with nothing left. So we got scared. I wish they had never showed us those films. Even the teachers were quieter than normal and spoke in whispers when they talked to each other.

As more time went on the jumpier the adults got so we started spending as much time away from them as we could. We would fish and play but something was missing. It was like even at our age we were just going through the motions but having no real involvement in doing them. Every day got worse. Adults were yelling a lot more, and not just at us kids but at each other. Us kids got in more fights than usual. Grocery stores hardly even had any candy in them anymore.

Then one day everybody was laughing. Everybody was talking in loud happy voices. They even took the time to tell us kids that everything was going to be alright. But we were changed. In an age of innocence lost none of us would ever be the same again. We would never be able to trust to the same degree ever again. See, we now knew that people we didn't even know could get us killed for things we didn't even understand. The world was a lot scarier now. It has been ever since.

But as time passes memories fade. Or do they?

I fully intend to read the rest of this thread but this post... made me almost cry.  ONWARD TO CONTEXT!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: snow bomb on May 28, 2010, 06:27:15 am
Yeah, welcome to life.  : / 

I'm not trying to be flippant, far from so.  Your parents were douchebags, the authority at the time were douchebags.

I have the typical noobs urge to reply to things that SING in my soul, and this is one of them. 
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 28, 2010, 12:18:27 pm
Sometime the cards we are dealt aren't very good. My parents split when I was very young. They moved on and remarried. This left me with my mother and stepfather.

My stepfather had a temper and used it quite often. I was backhanded away from the dinner table once for one scratch of my wrist. Seriously, I just scratched it once. I was knocked to the floor.

If he was really mad he would make me lay naked on the bed while he beat me with a wide leather belt from my shoulders to my knees. It would leave nice large welts all over me and the criss cross designs were pretty cool.

He hated me because he never made me cry. Ever. He is the one who taught me to hate, I mean really hate. The mental abuse was far worse than the physical. He almost had me convinced I was the most worthless thing on the planet.

I was a scrawny kid and he was a pretty good sized man so there was nothing I could do about it. Or so I thought.

When I was 11 I ran away. They found me after 3 months and made me go back. I ran away again the next week. This time it only took 2 months to find me. The 3rd time I ran away they didn't find me for 5 months, I thought I was safe. I was wrong in a way.

This time they took me to the Orange county Juvenile Home in Orlando, Fl. where I had a very nice stay for 7 months. Then they decided I need to go back home. I told the judge I would be back and he was puzzled that I would rather be in juvenile hall than at home. It took 1 week to get back to juvenile hall. Life was good again. I got along good with everyone there, even the guards. Now right next door to juvenile hall was the Orange County Parental home. Due to my good behavior I was then sent there. I was in heaven. No locks, no guards, there was even a swimming pool. We went to public schools and had freedom to go for walks.

We had to keep out houses clean and share rooms with other kids but they were all good kids. This lasted about 4 months. I never had any visitors so a girl named Gigi and I (she never had visitors either) would always work the door to have the visitors sign in and we called the kids they came to see. One day I saw my mother walk in. I asked Gigi if she would be ok alone and she agreed. Then my own mother walked up to me and said "I am here to see Charles XXXXXXX." I just looked at her. She looked back and waited for me to call me. I gave it about 5 minutes and then stood up and said "Hello, Mother." She seemed to feel awkward and I just let her. I almost learned to not care that day.

They let me go about 4 months later because they decided I had learned my lesson and would be fine at home. They were wrong this time. I left home, got a job and rented a house. I had my motorcycle and a girlfriend and plenty of other friends. The cops knew where I was. My mother and stepfather didn't. No one came for me this time.

Life was finally looking up again.

Hi Hawk,
Reading about abuse generally makes me feel uncomfortable, so I started reading this with a little trepidation. No need to worry though.
You set this down just right. Just the facts, circumstances, and a little background. None of the sentimental or moralist / judgemental stuff that is so
often unecessary, or even gratuitous. And somehow, you still managed to retain the really personal feel that all your writing has.
 :mittens:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 28, 2010, 01:29:49 pm
Shit like this is only readable for me if the morality is kept out of it, otherwise it becomes whiny propaganda. Congrats Hawk - you nailed it!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 28, 2010, 04:43:53 pm
Thanks all. Honestly it was the only life I knew so I just thought it was all normal. The time for active hate has passed and faded to a void. My mother and I eventually patched things up and I held her hand when she died. Life goes on.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 28, 2010, 04:50:21 pm
FTR I feel I should clarify that I didn't read it without morality and compassion, I just prefer to add that shit myself rather than be spoonfed if that makes any sense.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 28, 2010, 04:53:53 pm
FTR I feel I should clarify that I didn't read it without morality and compassion, I just prefer to add that shit myself rather than be spoonfed if that makes any sense.

Makes perfect sense to me. TBH it was painful to write and I was worried it would be too detached.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 28, 2010, 05:06:44 pm
FTR I feel I should clarify that I didn't read it without morality and compassion, I just prefer to add that shit myself rather than be spoonfed if that makes any sense.

Makes perfect sense to me. TBH it was painful to write and I was worried it would be too detached.

This reads just as well as any of your stuff, because your detachment, seems to be a detachment  from any conflict associated with the events, not a detachment from the piece itself. It says everything anyone needs, to click with the writing, and doesn't need to even imply any reaction from the reader. Just assumes the reader is growed up enuff to empathise. (Or not)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 28, 2010, 05:41:55 pm
When I was young I was bounced around a lot between my mother and father, aunts and other family.

One of my favorite times was living with my paternal grandparents on the farm in Georgia. In those days kids were allowed to be kids and weren't loaded down with having to learn every minute and light homework. On the farm there were 2 ponds, both loaded with fish and plenty of woods for hunting in. We were all given a shotgun as soon as we were tall enough to keep both ends off the ground at the same time and taught how to use them. Yes, shells were counted and matched against the game we put on the table. A miss was grounds for severe humiliation and the memories of a miss were long lived.

I never realized until years later the burden this must have placed on my grandparents. I was the favorite and to me it was just right to live there. They never complained and I helped on the farm as much as I could. At 8 years and up I was driving a tractor and plowing fields, cropping tobacco by hand and picking cotton by hand. I loved those days.

When it was time to pick cotton Papa would hire croppers, usually blacks, and we would all go in the field together and work. Sunup to sundown. We had the bags about 20 feet long and when it got filled we would just take it to the mule drawn wagon and get an empty one. What I will never forget about those days is the field chant. Picking by hand is backbreaking and monotonous as all get out. The blacks (called a different name in that place and time) would start what would sound like singing. But as you listened there were no words, just voices rising together to make a rythmic music that set the pace of work. The your pulse would soon join the beat and all would be forgotten as you worked. Many days it came as a surprise when the end of the day was called. Oh, the stories those croppers had. I would sneak away to just listen to them tell their stories every chance i got.  I never knew where they came from or where they went after but they sure filled a young mans summers with a sense of awe and wonder.

My favorite was cropping tobacco though. The work was hard but we all had fun. We had tobacco barns that were designed to hang the sticks of tobacco in and when the barn was full it would be closed up and the burners would be turned on to cure the tobacco over the winter. Before this we would bury sweet potatoes in the dirt floor and all winter we had perfectly cooked sweet potatoes for the cooking.

In front of the barn we had stringers. The tobacco sticks were about 4 feet long and the stringers had racks the sticks fit on and they would take 3 leaves, string them on both sides and then move down the stick repeating this until it was full. Then a man would take the full stick in the barn. The barn was built with struts placed perfectly to hole the sticks and the barn was filled from the top down. It was passed up from man to man and then hung.

In the field were the croppers. I was a cropper. Tobacco plant leaves grown in well defined layers with 3 leaves per layer. We always cropped from the bottom up so the first time through the field only the bottom leaves were cropped, then the next layer and so on. We would put the leaves under our off arm until we couldn't hold any more then walk over and put it in the mule drawn sled. Once the sled was full it was taken back to the barn and an empty sled was brought to the fields.

Where we put the leaves under arm would build up a black cake up to a quarter of an inch thick by the end of the season. Yes we wore the same clothes every day because they had to be thrown away when we were done.

Then there was the tobacco auctions. I have never been to a more magical place in my life. Those auctioneers could sing! The tobacco would be placed on very large croker material squares and then the corners of those squares would be all brought to the top of the heal and tied. You can guess where all of us kids sat. We could see everything. And the aroma of all of that cured tobacco was wonderful, it was simply perfect.

And there was still plenty of summer for fishing.



Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 28, 2010, 05:50:06 pm
Did you start smoking tobacco?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 28, 2010, 06:04:22 pm
At 12 years and still do. 


I know.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 28, 2010, 06:22:10 pm
Yeah, me too.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 28, 2010, 06:35:00 pm
Granny smoked a corncob pipe and dipped snuff.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 28, 2010, 06:43:31 pm
Granny smoked a corncob pipe and dipped snuff.

My Nan was just about the only one in our family who didn't smoke.
She died of Lung Cancer.  :?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 28, 2010, 06:46:06 pm
Granny smoked a corncob pipe and dipped snuff.

My Nan was just about the only one in our family who didn't smoke.
She died of Lung Cancer.  :?

My grandparents dies of cancer. From living in the sun.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 28, 2010, 06:49:14 pm
Granny smoked a corncob pipe and dipped snuff.

My Nan was just about the only one in our family who didn't smoke.
She died of Lung Cancer.  :?

My grandparents dies of cancer. From living in the sun.

I never did quite trust the Sunlight.
If it was so great, then why does the shade seem like such a good idea when you're out in it?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: LMNO on May 28, 2010, 07:54:28 pm
Because in the sunlight, we sparkle.





LMNO
-I had to.  Because I am a bad person.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 28, 2010, 08:34:59 pm
Because in the sunlight, we sparkle.





LMNO
-I had to.  Because I am a bad person.

Butthead.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on May 28, 2010, 09:11:20 pm
Presuming this is some reference to that Vampire book, Gaslight, or Limelight or something.

Kids today!
When I was a kid, we knew they were Vampires, by the trail of empty, ex-sanguinated husks they left in their wake, not because they sparkled in the sunlight!  Godamnit, is nothing sacred anymore?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 31, 2010, 06:13:33 pm
On the farm in Georgia we had 3 houses. The big 2 story the family lived in, one for farm help and another in case some of the family needed a place to stay.

This last house holds a lot of memories for me. I stayed with my aunt there for a while and even my daddy and his wife lived there for a while and I stayed with them as well.

We had electricity but it was minimal and lighting was just bare bulbs with pull strings to turn them on and off. There was even running water in the kitchen sink. We had an outhouse and baths were taken in a #10 washtub in the back yard. The house wasn't painted but had a great front porch with honeysuckles growing up on all the posts. We would sit there in the evening and watch the hummingbirds feed on them.

There was no television but we did have a radio and we would listen to The Green Hornet and some other shows after the day was over. Sitting on that porch was family time. After dinner we would all go out and talk, clean guns, shell peas or whatever needed doing. Sitting and rocking. Those were easy days that floated by in a gentle peace.

There was a big black walnut tree in the front yard and to this day I still love black walnuts. At the big house in the chicken yard there were apple trees, peach trees, persimmon trees, pear trees and even a fig tree. Blackberries and blueberries grew wild everywhere, come to think of it so did strawberries. Granny would tell us kids to go pick blackberries and we ran to get this done. It meant we were going to get blackberry tarts and preserves and pies. The same with blueberries.

What sweets we ate came from Grannys kitchen. Oh that woman could cook. Even her biscuits were made from a starter that had been in her family for unknown years. We bought very little from the Piggly Wiggly grocery store. We would have our corn ground for meal, our own flour was ground too. I remember sitting in the kitchen while Granny was cooking so I could churn butter. See, when you milk the cows you put the milk in a jar in the refrigerator with cheese cloth over it. The cream would rise to the top and she would skim it off. This is what we used to make butter. I have never tasted milk or butter ever since that was as good.

Most of the meat was either from the chicken yard or what our shotguns put on the table. Once a year we would butcher a pig and in the old syrup kettle we would make cracklins. All of our vegetables came from Grannys garden which was about an acre all by itself. Today they say greasy food is bad for you. I don't know about that. We always ate fried food. But at the same time we always ate fresh fruit and lots of vegetables. On top of that we were active. We worked hard, played hard and rarely ever just sat around during the day. There were no fat people.

Once in the other house there were 2 old guys living there. One was named Joe, never knew his last name, and the other was Purkle Hall. Old Purkle taught me a lot. Shooting a shotgun is a lot different than shooting a pistol or a rifle. A shotgun has the scatter effect which makes a miss kind of hard, a rifle or pistol has one little bullet that has to hit the target. Purkle had a .22 rifle and as long as I bought the ammo he would work with teaching me to shoot. He also taught me to sip moonshine and how to roll cigarettes. Joe didn't like people so he hardly ever said anything but for some reason Purkle took a liking to me. Papa said Purkle didn't like too many people either. They lived there a couple of years I guess then one day they were just gone. I missed Purkle.

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 01, 2010, 03:33:21 pm
Something is off in my writing on this last story. I am working on a rewrite.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on June 01, 2010, 05:41:10 pm
All the rest made a point. Last one seemed more of a scene setter? If you're planning a compilation of these you'll probably need both.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 01, 2010, 07:00:42 pm
Good point. I'm new to this writing thing.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on June 01, 2010, 08:18:40 pm
I'm shit at critique so don't take my word for it. Just the overall feeling I got from it is all. All the others seemed to tell a particular story. The last one seemed like it was the setup to a story. Probably about Purkle. There was nothing wrong with it. I'm not saying it wasn't as well written as the rest, just that it left me waiting for the next part. Which is a good thing, btw.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on June 02, 2010, 12:45:53 am
Nothing in there that needs a re write. Like P3nt said, it's a descriptive piece, rather than an account of a particular event. The style is the same, the quality is the same, and it works well. The scene it creates is honest, and vivid. (And "Purkle" is the coolest name I've read all day)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 02, 2010, 04:04:29 pm
Old Purkle sure taught me a lot that summer. One of the best things I learned is about Black Racers.

For those out of the know a Black Racer is a black snake, completely harmless and good mousers. Granny always told us to leave them alone because they ate mice.

One day Purkle and I were just sitting and a black racer was crawling through the grass. Purkle told me to chase it. I asked why and told him Granny told us to leave them alone. He just grinned and told me to chase it.

Well I got up and started running after it and it took off. Those snakes are sure fast, there was no way I was going to catch it. Then Purkle hollered for me to stop and run from it. I skidded to a stop and the snake stopped and had his head in my direction. I took off running and that snake came right after me. I knew it could outrun me but it didn't, it just stayed right behind me. I stopped and so did it and I took off after it again and it ran from me. This went on for about an hour and I was having so much fun. Finally I got tired and sat back down and the snake just wandered off. Old Purkle just sat and chuckled. I think at some time there were kids in his life and he kind of missed them.

The rest of that summer there was a brand new game called chase the snake and I taught it to all my cousins too. They were all afraid of Joe and Purlke so they never went over there. I thought they were silly but I didn't mind, I didn't have to share Purkle this way.

It's a funny thing, silence. So many people feel like they have to fill it up with some kind of noise. Purkle and me could sit on his porch drinking sweet tea for hours and never say a word and it was comfortable. Even Joe finally started sitting with us. Just sitting, sipping and rocking. Man and boy can study a lot of things in their minds on days like that.

You can hear everything going on around you too, a mouse scurrying, a bird call, a squirrel digging, all kinds of things people just never take the time to hear.

Purlke taught me this too.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 02, 2010, 05:49:51 pm
I don't think Papa was a rich man. I mean we had plenty but everything was well used and kept in good repair. I saw a lot of others buying new things all the time but not Papa. I never questioned any of this. If we needed something it was there. Papa always bought a new Chevrolet every 2 or 3 years and a new Chevrolet truck about the same.

Out in the cow pasture we had an outhouse. It was real tough in the winter because it was built on a slope and the back at the bottom was open so the hogs could keep it all clean. That cold wind could make it hard to do your business sometimes. Us kids would always try to poop on the hogs heads because they always ran under the outhouse as soon as somebody went in it. We got them a lot too.

The outhouse was a bit of a walk from the house, about 100 yards I think. At night us kids would just go out in the yard. I guess Granny used a bedpan. I never knew for sure though.

I think Granny kind of got tired of it one day. Papa called some workmen to come add an inside bathroom. They closed off the back porch real nice and added a shower and a toilet. They drained out to the cow pasture through a pipe. Any time we needed worms to go fishing with this is where we got them after that.

Well the workmen got all done and showed Papa and Granny what they did and how everything worked. After they left Papa went to the toilet and flushed it and just grinned. He did it about 5 times and I got the giggles so hard I had to run hide. Now I'm not saying Papa had never used an inside toilet but if I had to guess I would say that was the first time.

The bad part of this was they closed up the top of the old well. I guess it was going dry anyway but we couldn't play echo with it anymore.

Granny seemed a lot happier after the bathroom was put in too.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 02, 2010, 06:32:28 pm
I think about Granny a lot. The things she saw in her lifetime and the way she must have thought about them. I mean things like electricity, cars, running inside water. Miracles like television and radio, people walking on the moon. I can relate quite a bit as I have seen a lot of these in my lifetime as well.

The last vehicle Granny ever drove was a mule drawn wagon. When she wanted to go somewhere she would always have to find a ride. I think this caused her some aggravation.

I don't know how it all came to happen but one day Daddy was going to teach Granny how to drive a car. We had plenty of open spaces so it all seemed to be a fine idea. So first Daddy drove and had her watch as he explained how all the things worked.

Now for some reason all those open spaces were ignored. I watched as Granny drove down the road with Daddy sitting real close. All we had were dirt roads and some blind hills and there were ditches on either side of the road. Some things even a kid knows aren't going to end well.

I guess Granny was doing pretty good though. Now our old dirt road ended at the state highway which was blacktop and a pretty busy road for those days. Granny had done real good with the gas pedal and steering so Daddy was a little relaxed. As they approached the stop sign Daddy told her she had to stop and to just ease on the brake.

I guess Daddy forgot about the brake when he was showing her things because Granny pulled back on the steering wheel and hollered "Whoa!". For some reason the car ignored her and she hollered it louder. They were at the stop sign now and Daddy was screaming about the brake pedal, Granny was hollering "Whoa!" and the car was still going. Of course cars were coming on the highway so Daddy dove on the floor and used his one hand to push the brake and the other to steer the car into the ditch.

Nobody was hurt during all of this and that was the last time anybody ever tried to teach Granny to drive.

Well, I say no one was hurt, but that doesn't include the butt whipping I got when I was rolling on the floor laughing when Daddy told the story.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 02, 2010, 06:53:16 pm
I had been off the farm for a while staying with some other relatives or parents or some other place I can't remember. It was time to crop the tobacco though so as many of the family that could was going home to the farm. Papa had long quit growing cotton as there wasn't much money in it and growing cotton was too hard on the soil.

A family had moved in the house for the farm workers and they had 3 sons and a girl my age. Her name was Rayleen. So after saying hello to the family I walked up the road to see her. She was telling about this new machine they had for cropping tobacco that Papa would be bringing in.

We were all excited on the day Papa brought it home and we were all there to see it. It was really something too. It was big and green. It was pulled by a tractor and the really neat thing was croppers could sit down while they cropped! No more bending over all day. The seat was adjustable so it could be raised as we worked our way up the stalk. Now the stringer sat right in front of the cropper and as we cropped we would hand the leaves right to the stringer. Once they got the stick full a hanger would take it and hang it right there in the middle!

There were places for 8 croppers and 8 stringers. Once the middle was full the tractor would haul us back to  the barn and the cropping machine was unloaded and back out we went. I was in heaven because we could talk to each other and the work was lots easier. Of course Rayleen was my stringer.

About halfway through the day we had a full stick so I was cropping and piling the leaves between my legs waiting for a hanger to take the stick. Rayleen from somewhere pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels and we each took a good pull. This pattern continued until the bottle was empty.

About Jeff Davis county, Georgia in those days. It was a dry county which means no alcohol was allowed in. Period. Rayleen and I were pre-teens. My cropping was getting real bad, I was missing about every other stalk, Rayleen's sticks were falling apart and we were taken back to the barn.

Papa called us over to find out what was going on. Rayleen couldn't talk. I was trying to but then just fell on my face and started laughing. Granny was a teetotaller and did not think it was very funny. Papa did but had to go behind the barn to laugh. Meanwhile I am laying on the ground and I couldn't get up, Rayleen was sitting and laughing, Granny was beating my shoulders with a tobacco stick. Daddy and all my uncles were behind the barn with Papa.

Rayleen and I were taken home and not allowed to work the next for which I shall be forever grateful. The following day we went back to work but I wasn't allowed to work with Rayleen and we were both searched every day after that.

It was a helluva summer.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 02, 2010, 07:01:40 pm
I'm shit at critique so don't take my word for it. Just the overall feeling I got from it is all. All the others seemed to tell a particular story. The last one seemed like it was the setup to a story. Probably about Purkle. There was nothing wrong with it. I'm not saying it wasn't as well written as the rest, just that it left me waiting for the next part. Which is a good thing, btw.

You asked for it and my muse showed up to grant your wish!  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: LMNO on June 02, 2010, 07:20:41 pm
Those were great reads.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 02, 2010, 07:21:55 pm
Those were great reads.

Thank you sir.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on June 02, 2010, 07:25:24 pm
 Hawk, when you get all these collected, and printed into a manuscript, you are going to have publishers fighting each other in the street to get your book on their shelves. You have the soul of a natural storyteller, and the easy to read style of Mark Twain. It would be interesting to see a couple of pieces that were more dialogue driven though. You obviously have your narrative bone good and strong, and some well driven dialogue can only enhance what is already a fine body of writing. I am totally enjoying every single piece so far, and looking forward to the next instalment every time.  
(No pressure or anything though, . . . . . . . :D)














 
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 02, 2010, 07:31:46 pm
Hawk, when you get all these collected, and printed into a manuscript, you are going to have publishers fighting each other in the street to get your book on their shelves. You have the soul of a natural storyteller, and the easy to read style of Mark Twain. It would be interesting to see a couple of pieces that were more dialogue driven though. You obviously have your narrative bone good and strong, and some well driven dialogue can only enhance what is already a fine body of writing. I am totally enjoying every single piece so far, and looking forward to the next instalment every time.  
(No pressure or anything though, . . . . . . . :D)
















 

Thanks so much, and I do hope to get it published. I have wanted to write this for decades but I allowed fear of rejection to stop me.

It makes me soar to know you are all enjoying it.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 02, 2010, 07:48:07 pm
I was out hunting one day and for some reason my cousin Crockett wanted to come with me. I don't know why we called him Crockett, we just did. He wasn't even a hunter and liked to stay around the house most of the time. So I let him come. We walked down the railroad tracks until we got to the spot I wanted to go in the woods at.

On one side of the tracks was a dirt bank about 20 or 30 feet high. We sure spent a lot of time trying to climb that bank that summer but we never made it even once. It was almost straight up and loose dirt. But we didn't care because it was something to do.

As we started off in the woods I had my hand in my coat pocket and when I pulled it out I dropped 3 shotgun shells. I was talking to Crockett so I wasn't watching as I reached down to pick the shells up.

Suddenly he screamed like I have never heard anybody scream and too off running. I was standing there with my mouth hanging as he almost walked up that bank and sat down still screaming.

All I could do was stare and hope I wasn't going to have to shoot him, he was one of my favorite cousins and I would have missed him. I finally realized he was no immediate threat so as I was watching him I started counting the shells in my hand and I got to 4. I had only dropped 3 shells so I glanced down.

The very next thing I remembered after that was sitting right beside Crockett panting. My heart was racing and it took a while for both of us to calm down.

When I looked at my hand I held 3 shotgun shells and 1 rattlesnake, I never found the shells or the snake after that. It was a very good thing it was a chilly morning and the snake was sluggish, but one doesn't stop to think about all that when one is holding a live rattlesnake.

From that day forward I always looked before I picked up anything.

We were never able to climb that damn bank again either. I knew how to motivate us to do it, but I didn't want to.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on June 02, 2010, 10:57:31 pm
When I read these last three, I kept finding myself with these slack jawed grins from ear to ear.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 02, 2010, 11:46:04 pm
When I read these last three, I kept finding myself with these slack jawed grins from ear to ear.

That's alright, I had the same grin when I wrote them.  :lol:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 03, 2010, 01:11:01 pm
I loved hunting. Every chance I got I was in the woods and it wasn't always about bringing game home. Just being out there and walking around watching the wildlife and the sounds they made was a great thing to do.

Back in those days I could really smell things. Before smoking and living in cities dulled my sense of smell.

There was this little path that you had to know was there to even follow it and it looked like it ended in a big wall of brush. If you knew just which limb to lift there was a small creek you could step over into one of the prettiest little meadows I have ever seen. Many days I would go there and just lay in the grass and watch the clouds go by. It was my special secret place.

So one day I was hunting because we needed meat on the table. I could have sworn I could smell a squirrel but I couldn't find it. I stood perfectly still for about 30 minutes. Nothing. Finally I just gave up and thought I was imagining the whole thing.

After I gave up I reached down and lifted the limb and ducked my head down to go into my meadow.

This is when things got real interesting. A buck was drinking out of the creek in exactly that spot at exactly that time. Now I had ducked and when I stuck my head in the buck lifted his head. There we were, nose to nose, touching.

Now I don't know what that deer was thinking but my head was screaming incoherent things about running. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion then. I screamed, the deer squealed. I jumped backwards dropping my shotgun and the deer jerked around so hard he fell over and rolled.

When we both got to our feet we were headed in different directions as fast as we could go.

Then I got the giggles while muttering to myself things about being the great white hunter as I went back to get my shotgun.

I didn't go into the meadow that day.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 03, 2010, 01:26:29 pm
On one of his visits from Florida Uncle Rodney brought a dog with him. It wasn't much to look at and it never did anything except eat.

Honestly once a day I would go lift his head just to make sure he was still alive. We had 3 huge Oak trees in the front yard  and the yard was all white sand Papa had brought in so we wouldn't have grass around the house for snakes to lay in.

That dog would dig a shallow hole and just lay in it all day. Granny was always fussing about having to fill the holes back in. I took over filling them back in and feeding that worthless dog. I cussed Uncle for ever bringing that worthless hound to the farm.

Well summer turned to fall and hunting season was in. I came out of the house with my shotgun and that dog went nuts. He was barking and jumping around and coming at me. I pointed my shotgun at it and started backing back up the stairs.

I decided he was just stupid and wasn't going to hurt me so I didn't shoot him. I started walking off to the field to hunt quail and that worthless dog was following me. I yelled at him. I threw sticks at him. I threw rocks at him. Nothing worked. I just got mad.

So then that dumb dog got right in front of me. I figured he would get tired and go home sooner or later and I was ignoring him.

Then the dog stopped right in front of me. I was just mad enough at him to not walk around him so I kicked him right in the rear end.

Holy Cow!

Suddenly there was about 20 quail taking off all around me and that dog. I was so startled I jumped back and fell down. The dog was shaking his head like he had been hit by one of them.

Then this stupid dog walked over and looked at me like I was the dumbest thing he had ever seen and I thought he was going to take my shotgun from me.

As it turned out he was a very well trained pointer born and bred to bird hunt. That dog sure got a lot smarter that day. After that me and that dog were best friends and I got more quail that fall than ever before.

Just goes to show I guess.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 03, 2010, 02:09:15 pm
One day Daddy and all of my Uncles and us kids were down at the old pond. The men had rifles and were shooting snapping turtles off of the logs that were in the water. We had a lot of those turtles and if we didn't kill them they would eat all of the fish.

They were drinking and having a lot of fun being together and shooting turtles and us kids were just having fun being allowed to hang around with them. They even let us take a couple of shots every now and then. With the rifle, not the whiskey.

This went on the better part of the afternoon and we all went back to the house when Granny rang the dinner bell. We were all hungry and it had been a good day.

It was about to get a lot better.

Granny was under 5 feet tall and all of my uncles and my Daddy were over 6 feet except one. We were all about to sit down to eat and Granny started yelling. Seems she had caught the smell of whiskey on one of the boys breath.

Boy, was she mad. Granny always made her own brooms by taking straw and tying it in a bundle. She went for one of them really mad about us kids being with them while they were shooting and drinking. I got out of there real fast and was in the front room.

The house had a real wide hallway that went from front back and all of a sudden I saw 5 grown men running down the hall yelling "Now Mama" while she was dusting their backs and heads with that broom. They were all holding their arms over their heads and Granny was with them step for step.

It was the funniest thing I had ever seen and I started laughing. Those boys hit that front screen door so hard and so fast they tore it right off the hinges. I had tears coming out of my eyes from laughing.

Granny stopped chasing them at the front door and when she turned around to go back to the kitchen she smiled and winked at me. I was helpless on the floor with laughter.

The boys didn't stop until they were outside the fence and they just kind of stood around not saying much. Finally Granny went back to the front door and told them they could come in and eat after they fixed the screen door and that they deserved to eat a cold supper.

Granny and I giggled all through our nice hot supper.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on June 03, 2010, 04:00:17 pm
Dude, you've got what, a decade or so on me? Yet your life is from a hundred years ago. It's totally awesome!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 03, 2010, 04:42:33 pm
I never knew how backwards the deep south was until much later in life.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 04, 2010, 06:38:18 pm
I was living in Sanford, Fl. and had recently turned 12 years old. Sex had been on my mind for a few months and I was eager and terrified all at the same time to find out what the big deal was. I mean, masturbation was pretty darn good so with my vast experience I couldn't imagine anything better. But from listening to other people talk about it sex with a girl was a LOT better.

So I planned my seduction. I knew enough to want to do it with someone who had already had sex. I figured I would need some instruction. There were plenty of girls but I was looking for a certain type. You know the type. A girl who could and would look you in the eye, had a little bit of the 'dirty girl' thing going on and who you just knew put out.

Finally I decided who it was going to be. She was an 18 year old Seminole Indian and for the sake of being polite I will not tell her name, although I will never forget it.

I waited until the homecoming football game to ask her. Son with a dry mouth and a lot of fear in a trembling voice I asked her if we could have sex, this was at halftime. She turned and looked at me a long time, then she asked me if I had ever done it. I told her no, but i really wanted to. Then she stared at me longer not saying anything.

We were watching the second half kickoff and I asked her if she would again. She kissed me on the side of my face and told me after the game. I have to tell you that was the longest half of football I have ever seen. I was emotionally going nuts. I would go from giddy to terrified in a blink. I was sweating and trembling.

Finally the game was over and I looked at her and asked "How do we do this?" She took my hand and started walking. We found a very dark and secluded place and she guided me through the whole thing. Masturbation was suddenly very low on my to do list. I was now living on another plane of existence.

Of course I fell head over heels in love with her and at this she just laughed. I guess deep down I knew what the feeling really was and of course with her 18 years of experience she certainly knew. I gradually fell out of love with her over the winter and started looking around for other girls.

I was a man of the world now and felt so much different about myself and everything else as well. I don't know how I was lucky enough to find such a gentle and willing teacher for my first time but she will always hold a place in my heart.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 04, 2010, 10:32:22 pm
Crocketts house was a 2 mile walk if you took the shortcut through the woods. On this shortcut was a house, barn and pond. We had never seen anybody there and even if it was a nice place I don't think it was lived in.

Crockett and me were walking back to Grannys house and we were sitting in the hay loft of the barn just talking like kids do. There were hay bales in the loft so we could get comfortable and look out the loft door, it was a good place to hang out.

Some cows were in the barn and we threw some hay down to them and then forgot all about the cows as we just sat and looked at the sky. We weren't even talking.

I was getting close to dark so we decided we needed to get going. As we were getting ready to leave I noticed one of the cows was right below the hatch.

I had another one of my great ideas. I don't know why my ideas ended up hurting me all the time. They sure seemed like good ideas until I actually did them.

I told Crockett to be real quiet as I lowered myself using my arms until I was about 2 feet over the cows back. When I was in the perfect position I just let go and landed right on that cow.

From the cows reaction, looking back it really wasn't such a good idea. I had never ridden rough stock and there was nothing to hang on to. Well that cow took to bucking real good. The that cow saw the opening out of the barn and was running and bucking at the same time. I had no idea how I had stayed on so far but I really wanted off by this time.

As the cow passed a post that was holding the barn up I leaned over and wrapped my arms around it just to get off of that cow.

That was another bad idea. As I slid down that post I could feel splinters all over my arms, legs and chest. By the time I got to the ground I looked like a porcupine. I could only walk real stiff like with my arms held and my legs apart. Crockett and I got the bigger splinters out so I could get home.

When we got home Granny took the rest out and then whipped me for being stupid. Not for riding the cow, but for being stupid. I didn't have much of an argument for that.

It took 2 weeks to heal from all of those splinters and Crockett laughed every day for those 2 weeks.

That was the last time I ever rode a cow.


Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on June 04, 2010, 11:08:29 pm
:spittake:

Quote
I had another one of my great ideas. I don't know why my ideas ended up hurting me all the time. They sure seemed like good ideas until I actually did them.

I can sooooo relate to that  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on June 04, 2010, 11:28:19 pm
I'm about halfway into this, just finished the story with Pancho and the little green snake, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it! Keep them coming
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 04, 2010, 11:56:35 pm
I'm about halfway into this, just finished the story with Pancho and the little green snake, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it! Keep them coming

Glad you are enjoying them. There are plenty more! :)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on June 05, 2010, 12:01:36 am
This story rules.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 05, 2010, 12:28:51 am
This story rules.

Rarely have I enjoyed a project as much as this one.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on June 05, 2010, 12:35:19 am
I'd love to write something like this.  A biography.  Mine probably won't have as many deft humanistic touches, or masculine feats, though.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 05, 2010, 02:17:38 am
I'd love to write something like this.  A biography.  Mine probably won't have as many deft humanistic touches, or masculine feats, though.

If you look closely you will see a lot of these stories are just every day normal life.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on June 05, 2010, 02:43:05 am
About half.

"Everyday normal life" for me will never include chopping deadly snakes heads' off.  Or cows, for that matter.  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on June 05, 2010, 03:54:55 pm
About half.

"Everyday normal life" for me will never include chopping deadly snakes heads' off.  Or cows, for that matter.  :lulz:

He chopped a deadly cow's head off??? Fuck me I must have missed that one  :eek:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on June 05, 2010, 05:42:46 pm
Caught up. Dude, this is excellent. Makes me want to start writing myself (seems like you're giving everyone else the bug too!)

I really liked the little green snake one in particular, as well as the black racer. I guess because of all the venomous snakes like rattlers and cottonmouths, it was a nice contrast to see some cute and playful snakes.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 05, 2010, 06:06:18 pm
Caught up. Dude, this is excellent. Makes me want to start writing myself (seems like you're giving everyone else the bug too!)

I really liked the little green snake one in particular, as well as the black racer. I guess because of all the venomous snakes like rattlers and cottonmouths, it was a nice contrast to see some cute and playful snakes.

Dok Howl started it.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on June 05, 2010, 06:14:16 pm
Caught up. Dude, this is excellent. Makes me want to start writing myself (seems like you're giving everyone else the bug too!)

I really liked the little green snake one in particular, as well as the black racer. I guess because of all the venomous snakes like rattlers and cottonmouths, it was a nice contrast to see some cute and playful snakes.

Dok Howl started it.

Missed that one- do you have the link to the thread?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 05, 2010, 06:15:57 pm
Caught up. Dude, this is excellent. Makes me want to start writing myself (seems like you're giving everyone else the bug too!)

I really liked the little green snake one in particular, as well as the black racer. I guess because of all the venomous snakes like rattlers and cottonmouths, it was a nice contrast to see some cute and playful snakes.

Dok Howl started it.

Missed that one- do you have the link to the thread?

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=24702.0
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 05, 2010, 06:39:53 pm
Uncle J.O. was a fire and brimstone pulpit banging southern baptist preacher. He was the pastor at Southside Baptist church in Jacksonville, Fl. Every Sunday he was broadcast live on the radio across 3 states.

I was with my mother, stepfather and half brother on the Sunday we went to hear him preach live.  The church was one of those great big fancy jobs with all the bells and whistles. They had a full choir, a baptismal on the stage, fancy chairs on the stage for the leaders to sit on and a grand podium.

Uncle J.O was in rare form this day and was beating the podium with his bible yelling about sin and what it did to us. He was going on about how guilty we all were. His face was all red and the veins in his neck were all sticking out. Yes sir, he was working up a real hell raising sermon.

Now remember this is on the radio live in 3 states. My little brother was about 4 or 5 years old. He was born and raised catholic and all this yelling was something he had never heard in church. Ever.

Uncle J.O. was right at the climax of the sermon and stopped for a big dramatic pause. Just as he was about to start again, at the top of his voice, my little brother screamed, "Mama! Why is Uncle J.O. yelling at me?"

As everyone in the church started laughing Uncle J.O. realized his big dramatic climax was utterly ruined. I have to give it to him though, he recovered fantastically by saying "At least one person here today is honest." This resulted in a bigger outbreak of laughter in the church while my mother looked like she wanted to crawl down a crack in the floor.

I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard for which my stepfather beat me later.

It turned out to be one of the most popular sermons Uncle J.O had ever given.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on June 05, 2010, 06:42:46 pm
Caught up. Dude, this is excellent. Makes me want to start writing myself (seems like you're giving everyone else the bug too!)

I really liked the little green snake one in particular, as well as the black racer. I guess because of all the venomous snakes like rattlers and cottonmouths, it was a nice contrast to see some cute and playful snakes.

Dok Howl started it.

Sweet, thanks Hawk

Missed that one- do you have the link to the thread?

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=24702.0
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 05, 2010, 06:47:03 pm
Caught up. Dude, this is excellent. Makes me want to start writing myself (seems like you're giving everyone else the bug too!)

I really liked the little green snake one in particular, as well as the black racer. I guess because of all the venomous snakes like rattlers and cottonmouths, it was a nice contrast to see some cute and playful snakes.

Dok Howl started it.

Sweet, thanks Hawk

Missed that one- do you have the link to the thread?

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=24702.0

QUOTE FAIL ITT!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on June 05, 2010, 06:53:40 pm
Caught up. Dude, this is excellent. Makes me want to start writing myself (seems like you're giving everyone else the bug too!)

I really liked the little green snake one in particular, as well as the black racer. I guess because of all the venomous snakes like rattlers and cottonmouths, it was a nice contrast to see some cute and playful snakes.

Dok Howl started it.

Sweet, thanks Hawk

Missed that one- do you have the link to the thread?

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=24702.0

QUOTE FAIL ITT!

Ah, brain was working to fast for the fingers
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on June 05, 2010, 06:56:39 pm
Uncle J.O. was a fire and brimstone pulpit banging southern baptist preacher. He was the pastor at Southside Baptist church in Jacksonville, Fl. Every Sunday he was broadcast live on the radio across 3 states.

I was with my mother, stepfather and half brother on the Sunday we went to hear him preach live.  The church was one of those great big fancy jobs with all the bells and whistles. They had a full choir, a baptismal on the stage, fancy chairs on the stage for the leaders to sit on and a grand podium.

Uncle J.O was in rare form this day and was beating the podium with his bible yelling about sin and what it did to us. He was going on about how guilty we all were. His face was all red and the veins in his neck were all sticking out. Yes sir, he was working up a real hell raising sermon.

Now remember this is on the radio live in 3 states. My little brother was about 4 or 5 years old. He was born and raised catholic and all this yelling was something he had never heard in church. Ever.

Uncle J.O. was right at the climax of the sermon and stopped for a big dramatic pause. Just as he was about to start again, at the top of his voice, my little brother screamed, "Mama! Why is Uncle J.O. yelling at me?"

As everyone in the church started laughing Uncle J.O. realized his big dramatic climax was utterly ruined. I have to give it to him though, he recovered fantastically by saying "At least one person here today is honest." This resulted in a bigger outbreak of laughter in the church while my mother looked like she wanted to crawl down a crack in the floor.

I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard for which my stepfather beat me later.

It turned out to be one of the most popular sermons Uncle J.O had ever given.

That's awesome! I'd be laughing my ass off too
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 05, 2010, 07:35:34 pm
We were in the pasture by the Old pond. There was me and about 5 of my cousins and we were shooting BB guns at the flying squirrels to make the glide from tree to tree. Cousin Billy showed up. He was a few years older that the rest of us and wild as the wind.

He caught the mule and was giving us kids rides, one at a time. We were all having a blast. We would get on the back behind Billy and hang onto him as he rode around the pasture. For once he was being careful and not allowing the mule to run or anything.

We had been riding about an hour and it was my turn and I was going to be the last one because Billy had to go. So I got up on the mule behind Billy and off we went. My other cousins had one of their great ideas and started shooting the mule in the butt with their BB guns.

As much as I hate mules I have to admit they are very smart animals. This one was no exception and decided it was best to be somewhere else. Now. I grabbed Billy around his waist, he was yelling for me to hold on. He was doing everything he could to stop the mule but the mule had it's own ideas.

It was actually fun, at a full gallop like that. Most people don't know this but a lot of mules can outrun horses. I think Billy was having fun too.

As we were going along Billy made a real strange sound and fell off of the mule. I was wrapped around him so off I went too. Billy dislocated his shoulder. My head hit one of those round knobby rocks that are all over southern Georgia. The rock split in half. Billy was moaning, I was seeing double and the mule was gone.

My cousins came running up real scared. They all knew they were going to get a butt whipping. Billy and I managed to get up after a bit and somehow Billy got his shoulder back in place and after a while my vision cleared up again.

In this pasture there was a persimmon tree and to keep the opossums out of it we had run an electric wire from the packing house to the tree. About neck high to a teenager on the back of a mule. Billy had seen it just in time and we had fell off of that mule on purpose.

Billy was yelling and I shot Crockett in the big toe with my BB gun. The BB hit his big toenail and just rolled up under the skin where the toenails started. My other cousins took off running and Crockett was screaming and wanted me to get it out. I didn't.

I got even with the other cousins later in different ways.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 06, 2010, 10:34:12 pm
I was living in Apopka, Fl. with my mother and her husband. Near Apopka is a place called Rock Springs. It is really beautiful, or was, I haven't been there in decades.

At the head of this big lake was an actual spring coming straight up out of the ground. Us kids would swim underwater to get to the spring and hold on to the rocks around it until we were right over the spring. When we let go of the rocks we would get shot about a foot up out of the water.

The lake was very large and the water was perfectly clear. I mean you could see even tiny pebbles 30 feet down. We spent all summer at Rock Springs.

In the woods around the lake there were a lot of neat things but one or our favorite was the mud quicksand pit. We would take turns rolling around in it until we were caked with black mud from head to toe. We had to take turns to make sure there were enough to pull each other out of the quicksand. This mud didn't come and run down your body like normal mud, it just stayed where it was put.

Once we were all completely covered we would walk back to the spring like some kind of swamp monsters and all of the girls would start screaming. Once they caught on to us everybody would get out of the water real fast because they knew we were going to dive in. When we all dove in together the water would turn black all over around the spring. I would clear up pretty fast because the spring was so big and so powerful.

It was still fun though.

One day my friend Danny came at me from a blind spot and popped me in the face with a wet towel. I remember white hot pain and then nothing. I kind of snapped. My friends told me I beat Danny every step of the way for a couple of hundred feet and most of them when they tried to pull me off of him. To this day I don't remember any of it.

Danny was in the hospital for 3 weeks with several broken bones and other stuff that I never knew what was. If there is one thing in my life I could do over in a better way it would be this thing. Danny was never my friend again and it was my loss. I refused to fight for a very long time after that. Even when a state Golden Glove contender decided to punch me in the face. All I did was put my hands in my back pockets and let him hit me. He hit me 4 times before he realized I wasn't going to fight back.

He never knew why and I never told him. I was too afraid of what I might do to fight. I was scared of me. Eventually I got over this but I was never the same. This has happened to me twice more but never to this degree again. I hope it never happens again. Ever.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 07, 2010, 01:03:57 pm
I had been having pretty good luck buying horses at the livestock auction. You just have to be careful yo know. You have to show up early enough to see them unloaded and be able to walk around and look at them before they bring them in to the show ring.

This day I showed up a little late for that and really didn't expect to buy anything. Then they trotted out this big thoroughbred mare. She moved like sunlight across water. I started bidding on her and there was only one other bidder. Slaughter houses will always have a buyer at these auctions and he was bidding against me. They always bid just enough to make sure you wanted the animal and then they would back off.

Well I bought this mare for $500.00 and thought I had made a pretty good buy. Normally I don't buy thoroughbreds just because they are a hot blooded horse and sometimes hard to handle but like I said she moved really well.

After the auction I went to load her in my trailer. This is when I knew I had made a mistake. An hour later and a lot of patience and hard work and we were on our way. I put her in the pasture to just let her get to know the other horses and relax after the auction.

Two days later I decided to ride her and see just what I had. I got her all saddled up and we were walking and all was good. Suddenly her body shuddered and my brain screamed at me to get off. Too late. That horse went about 6 feet straight up and came down stiff legged. Then the fun started. She went nuts. Not just a little nuts but all out rodeo nuts.

I am not a rough stock rider so i had a good grip on the horn and was sitting deep in the saddle trying to stay on and just ride it out. I was doing good too. When you are on a bucking horse like that your world consists of the saddle horn, the horses head and the ground below you and nothing else.

This had gone on about 5 minutes when my son yelled in a panicked voice for me to jump. I didn't know why and couldn't break my concentration long enough to look around. He was still yelling for me to jump and I figured I better listen.

My timing was bad because I kicked my right foot out of the stirrup and jumped, that mare jumped at the same time I did. As I flew through the air I saw over the top of the barn and I knew this was going to hurt.

It was February in Colorado and the ground was frozen solid. I was right, it hurt. I landed on my shoulder and the side of my head. As I lay there I noticed my arm was in a real funny angle over my head. I also noticed it hurt. My son came over and we discovered my shoulder was dislocated. I had him put his foot on my chest and jerk my shoulder back in place as I screamed.

Once the pain cleared a little I got up and unsaddled the horse and brushed her down and put her away. Then I drove myself to the emergency room. The pain was really getting bad and by this time I could barely stand it. They finally got me in and took x-rays. It was also broken. They said it was going to hurt, nothing they could do, take these pain pills. They also said one of the best things I could have done was have my son put it back in place right away. If I hadn't the muscles and ligaments would have gotten stretched out and it would have hurt a lot more to have it reset.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 07, 2010, 01:21:53 pm
So the next day I decided to have another go at her. I spent extra time getting the gear on her and talked to her and patted her a lot. She was very calm. After I had the saddle on her I walked her around a while and then it was time.

I got up on her and just like the day before everything was good. Then just like the day before she blew up. This time because of my shoulder hurting so bad I couldn't get a good grip on the saddle horn. Just like the day before I went flying. This time something cracked in my left arm.

I took the saddle off, brushed her down and drove myself to the emergency room. After they got through casting my broken arm they made a couple of suggestions about not riding for a while. Which I promptly ignored the next day.

The next day I was ready for round 3. I got her all saddled up and just got on. By now I realized this was war and I was determined to win.

This time as I went flying through the air I decided my shoulders and arm had had enough so I tried to land on my feet. I was successful except for one thing. Something squishy happened to my right knee. I unsaddled the horse, brushed her and put her away. Then I drove myself to the emergency room. This time I got an air cast and more instructions about not riding.

Sooo, the next day I was mad, determined and stupid. I saddled her and got on. Guess what happened?

AS I flew through the air I gave up. I knew by now no matter how I landed it was going to mess something up. This time my foot made a horrible noise.

I unsaddled her, brushed her and put her away and drove myself the the emergency room. I had a broken foot and when they got through casting it they gave me advice about not riding for a while. This time I took their advice.

I also put an add in the paper horse for sale. A young woman came out to look at her and she, like me, fell in love with the way she moved. She asked me if she could ride her. Now here I am with my arm in a cast, my foot in a cast, my knee in a cast and on crutches. I said "Lady, look at me, she did this!"

She said she wasn't worried and that she could ride anything. I grinned and said have a good time.

So she brought out this little flat saddle and saddled her up, got on her and rode all over the pasture. I said she rode all over the pasture. That horse never did even one thing to indicate she was going to buck. The woman rode up to me, dropped the reins and hugged the horse around the neck telling me how much she loved the horse. My mouth was hanging open.

I sold her that horse for $1500.00 and lost money after all the medical bills.

I should have eaten that horse instead of selling her.

Now all of this happened in Elizabeth, Co. and a few days later I was in Aurora, Co. which is a part of Denver and in the check out lane the cashier pointed at me and asked "Are you the guy from Elizabeth?"

I was famous.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on June 07, 2010, 01:33:58 pm
You are, without a shadow of a doubt, my kind of idiot! :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 07, 2010, 01:43:23 pm
From my horse days.

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/4-17-200965502PM.jpg)


(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/4-17-200965455PM-1.jpg)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 07, 2010, 02:22:26 pm
I used to take my horses up hunting every year. I would wrap them in enough florescent orange that they looked like highway construction sites.

I rarely followed trails because they were just overused. Game animals feel hunting pressure and will move away from that kind of pressure so it makes it harder to find them.

One day I was riding, no trail and the mountain was just getting steeper. Pretty soon I got in a jam. There was no way to turn around, no way to get off of the horse and no where to go. I was sitting there trying to figure out what to do to get out of this mess. The horse was mountain bred and she could really get around but this was just a bad place.

Finally she turned her head to look at me and snorted. Being a smart alec I told her if she had any bright ideas I was up for anything. I relaxed the reins and the next thing I know all of my dignity was gone. All of it. Once I dropped the reins she turned and started jumping up the mountain. I was yelling and grabbing anything that looked like it was attached to her good.

If I had been on foot I would have had to pull myself up this mountain from tree to tree, it was that steep and here she was jumping up it. I didn't stop yelling until we got to the top. Then I was sitting there shaking and as she turned and looked at me I could have sworn she was grinning.

Once I got my composure back I rode around the top of that mountain looking for a way down. There wasn't one. It was cold out but I was sweating. Sighing in surrender I gave her her head again and down we went. I was terrified. It was so steep I was laying on her with my head on her rump and my feet in the stirrups were by her ears. She was sitting down on her rear and just walking with her front legs.

Eventually I got to thinking this was pretty cool. Then I saw a log right in our way. The hill was too steep for her to turn and go around it so she kept going. I was trying to remember if my will was in order. So we get to the log and I can't move or it would have thrown her off balance so I just sat there. She came up on the log and stepped over it with her front feet and then kind of crow hopped over it with her rear feet.

We were alive and unhurt. Finally we got to the bottom and I got off and let her breath while I relieved myself and I was glad I hadn't done that on the way down.

Once we were ready I rode back to camp, unloaded the gun and locked it up and had a long conversation with Jim Beam.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 07, 2010, 02:54:47 pm
Any time you decide to do horse trading there is only one rule. Buyer Beware. If you hand over cash for a horse and it takes one step and dies it's your dead horse.

There was a beautiful Paint mare for sale by a private owner. She had just been in the pasture unridden for 4 years. She had been fed and was in good health, just rusty. I knew I would have to work her back into riding shape and was willing to do this. So I bought her and took her home. I turned her out in the pasture with the other 4 horses and let them work out the pecking order.

After about a week I had time to ride her. I got her all saddled up and led her out of the pasture. I got up on her and urged her forward and she backed up. She was pasture sour from not being ridden in years. I kept working with her o get her to go and she kept refusing.

By this time I figured she had an iron deficiency so I went in the house and put my spurs on. I gouged her gently with the same results. By now I was getting aggravated so I turned her to face the pasture. Then I pulled back on the reins and put some effort in the spurs. She backed up. For a quarter of a mile at my insistence. After that she went where I asked without argument.

She did have one other issue that we had to work out. When she thought she was done she would rear up to the point of almost going over backwards. I had to step out of the saddle several times to keep her from going over.

I went to the tack and bought a training loop. This is like a rein that gives the rider the leverage to pull the horses head into their chest. Once you do this the horse just can't do much. It took about 5 or 6 times going through this before she got the idea.

There was just one thing left. She was like riding a 2X4. The roughest riding horse I've ever been on. There is no fix for this. I was stuck.

A friend of mine was breeding paints so I called him about this mare. I told him everything about her and asked if he was interested. He came over the next day and looked her over and decided he wanted her. The rough ride didn't mean a thing to him because he was just going to breed her.

That Paint threw some of the most beautiful colts I have ever seen. My friend made what money he paid for back several times over.

Sometimes we just get lucky.
 

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 07, 2010, 03:31:10 pm
I was up hunting and hadn't even seen an elk yet. This didn't bother me because I just loved being in the mountains and riding my horses. For November in the Rockies it was pretty mild stating in the 40's most of the day.

I had been riding about 4 hours just sight seeing as I was prone to do, I don't even think my rifle was loaded and it was in the scabbord anyway. My back was starting to bother me pretty bad so I headed for camp.About halfway back I went into acute muscle spasms.

I had to let her have her head and trust she would get us back. We got back to camp and I had to wait for help to come back so I could get off the horse. Finally Stephen showed up and I told him what was going on.

I told him I was going to fall off of her and he just had to grab me anywhere he could and keep me from falling under feet. I had no idea what her reaction would be to something like that. So I started sliding off slowly and I felt Stephen grab me and the next thing I was on the ground and my head was right between the front feet of the horse.

I was holding my breath waiting to see what was going to happen next, I was unable to move and I didn't want Stephen to jump under her and pull me out because that might spook her even more.

To my surprise she lowered her head down to my face and brushed her lips across me and then just raised her head and stood there. Then I had Stephen pull me out and get me back to the camper where I spent the rest of that day and the next. Fortunately I had plenty of muscle relaxers on hand.

The horse was named Brandy and if I ever own horses again I will do everything in my power to find her and buy her. She was the same one that took me on our vertical ride.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 07, 2010, 04:12:58 pm
Cody was the youngest horse I owned. He was a 4 year old gelding I bought from a cattle ranch. Even as young as he was he was still a great horse. He was smart and had a great sense of humor.

Because he was so young he would sight see when we rode and because of this he stumbled a little more than I liked but there was no fix for this so I lived with it. There was a mean bone in his body but he was a trickster.

Every time I got him shoed he would find a way to step on my toes. Right after shoeing was the only time her ever did it either. I thought I had him beat one time but just before I left the barn he leaned on me pinning me against a stall wall and then as deliberate as anything stepped on my foot. He just stood there grinning and wouldn't move. Finally I was able to push him off and then he ran out of the barn tossing his head.

He would lay down in the pasture and I would go out with a book and lay down resting my head on his belly and my dog would lay on his rump. We would sit like that a long time. He would even let my dog ride him while I was brushing him down, they got along great.

There was a spot on his neck where if I scratched it real hard he would stick his way up in the air and curl both of his lips back and spread his front legs and just love it.

He was afraid of pigs though. I was out riding him one day and he was looking all around as usual and he spotted some pigs. He froze in place and was just standing. Now I got a real good seat in the saddle not knowing what to expect next. Suddenly he just switched directions, a complete 180 and then just stood there. It was a good thing I was ready or that spin would have left me sitting in the dust. Once he couldn't see the pigs anymore he was just fine.

Now if he saw  cow that was a different story. He would do everything he could to convince me to go get the cow. Since ranchers really don't like you running the meat off of their cows I never allowed him to chase one. I always wanted to just to see what he would do.

I was riding him up hunting and my son was riding my mare. We decided to go different directions and Cody objected. We were on the side of a mountain which is no place for a horse to rear and buck. I tried to get him to calm down but he was being stubborn so I clobbered him on the head right between the ears. I am sure my hand hurt worse than his head but at least he stopped that nonsense.

I have never seen a horse with more personality than Cody.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 07, 2010, 05:45:29 pm
My wife and I were living in Elizabeth, Co. and a couple that were friends of ours had a beautiful little girl, She had both of us wrapped around her finger. She would always ask to come stay with us for the weekend and most of the time we wanted her to.

This beautiful little 9 year old girl and I would always call each other silly names, like 3 day old crust on your brothers underwear. One day we were going to the grocery store and this sweet beautiful girl that I loved called me a penis wrinkle. Yes, a penis wrinkle. For one of the very few times in my life I was speechless and so was my wife.

But this child was just like that. One day we saw a heavyset guy bending over and working and his butt crack was showing. Jess tapped me on the arm and said "Look, a plumber."

We took her to the Elizabeth Stampede which is a big rodeo every year. After the rodeo there is always a dance. Now we had Jess dressed to the nines. She was perfect. I noticed a young boy about her age watching the dance floor. He was wearing a Stetson, Wrangler jeans, a big belt buckle and boots. He was dressed to kill. I pointed out Jess and told him I bet she would dance with him.

Well this little cowboy walked right over and asked her. They danced very well together, better than a lot of the adults. They must have danced over an hour and we had to go home but Jess wasn't quite ready. She got her little cowboy's phone number and gave him a peck on the cheek. He was all she talked about the rest of the weekend.

She was always full of life and happiness.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 07, 2010, 07:12:16 pm
You are, without a shadow of a doubt, my kind of idiot! :lulz:

The last time I had 2 guys helping me get in the saddle, I couldn't do it alone.  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: LMNO on June 07, 2010, 07:21:34 pm
The vertical leaping-- I know what you're talking about.  I've had a horse do that, and while it's terrifying at first, there's something confident about the lurching, scrambling lunges.  You just have to trust that it knows what it's doing.

And going down, well... that's juts fun.



And I am loving these stories.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 07, 2010, 07:22:58 pm
The vertical leaping-- I know what you're talking about.  I've had a horse do that, and while it's terrifying at first, there's something confident about the lurching, scrambling lunges.  You just have to trust that it knows what it's doing.

And going down, well... that's juts fun.



And I am loving these stories.

Thank you! I miss my horses.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 08, 2010, 04:01:35 pm
It was winter in Colorado and there had just been a major blizzard. I was still with my first wife and our daughter was pregnant and we got a call about possible labor. There was 4 feet of snow on the ground in most areas so we couldn't get out as we lived in the country.

My son made it to within 2 miles from our house. I told him we would be there as soon as we could to just wait for us.

I fought my way out to the barn and got 2 horses saddled up. My wife and I were all bundled up so we mounted and took off. She wasn't much of a rider in spite of me owning horses. In fact she hardly ever had anything to do with the horses.

There were places on the road that had been wind swept and these were very easy to ride through. We came to a place where there was no option but to bust through the snow. It looked like about a quarter of a mile of hard riding ahead.

I told her to stay back about 20 feet and to just let me bust the trail since I was on the bigger horse. Now the way a horse busts through deep snow is by a series of jumps. They will leap forward, collect their feet and jump again.

Now I was in about 20 feet so I told my wife to start following. The trail wasn't clean of snow, far from it but it was better for her than it had been for me. I kept going until I heard a scream and some loud cussing.

I looked back and started laughing. My wife had slipped hard to one side of the saddle and was half on the horse and half in the snow. I told her to just fall the rest of the way off and then get back on. That was my second mistake I guess. I was informed later that laughing was my first mistake.

Sure enough she fell the rest of the way off the horse and then started walking back to the house. I told her to take her horse with her. After some very loud and very colorful language she turned and started walking again.

I rode back the her horse and was leading it back to the house, when I caught up with her I asked if she was sure she didn't want to ride the rest of the way since we had come so far. The look she gave me made the Colorado winter seem pretty warm so I took the horse back to the barn and unsaddled it. Then I turned back and rode out to meet my son.

By the time I got to where he was the crisis was over, it had been false labor. I told him about the action packed ride his mother had just taken and we shared a good laugh. It would be the last time I laughed until the snow was cleared enough for me to get out of the house. I spent a lot of time over the next 3 days out in the barn with the horses.


You know what? It's still funny.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 08, 2010, 04:13:43 pm
I had bought a palamino mare at the auction. AS far as I could tell she only had one bad trait and that was she would strike at everything with her hooves. This I could stop.

I took her home and started working with her. She was very stubborn and likely had been abused to some degree. She was a small horse but very stout, perfect for mountain riding so she was more than worth spending some time on.

It took 3 days to get her over striking and she began to drop her defenses as she realized she wasn't going to get beat or punished anymore. On the 3rd day I was able to crawl under her belly and do anything with her feet I wanted to. This was important for a lot of reasons but I had grandchildren who would be around the horses.

This mare got to the point where she thought I was the big stud. Literally. Every time I went to work with her for a while I had to dodge. See, when a mare is in season the will turn their rump to a stud and spray. A lot. It stinks.

I wasn't going to put up with this because it was only a matter of time until I didn't dodge and she would get me. So I worked with her until we got over this stage.

She turned out to be a great horse who was completely loyal and patient. My grandkids could do anything around her and they could ride her all day. She also was as good a mountain horse as I thought she would be.

There is a place in Colorado called the Praying Hands ranch where they work with handicapped children using horses. When I had to sell her this ranch bought her. I bet Sandy was in horse heaven with all those kids around every day.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 08, 2010, 04:36:45 pm
Buddy; You should start team roping.

Me; Why.

Buddy; Everybody is doing it.

Me; Oh.

Buddy; I'm serious.

Me; You catch calves, right?

Buddy; Yeah.

Me; What do you do with them after you catch them?

Buddy; We let them go.

Me; Oh. So what's the point?

Buddy; Nevermind.

I have nothing against team roping, in fact I like to watch it. From reading my stories so far you may have noticed that I might have a proclivity to hurt myself once in a while.

Team roping involves flying out of a chute chasing a calf at full speed. When you get in position you then throw a lasso at either the head or the heels depending on if you're the header or the heeler.

Then you wrap the lasso around the saddle horn and back your horse up. I know several wannabe team ropers with mangled of missing fingers from wrapping the lasso around the saddle horn and their fingers at the same time.

Another funny thing about all team ropers is they all think they are good enough to get to the grand finals. They're not. Some couldn't even catch a cold skinny dipping in a mountain lake in December, much less a running calf.

In the Elizabeth area it was cowboy country before it got Californicated. Sever top rodeo performers have come from the area. This just sparks all of the other less than stellar rodeo wannabes to go for it which can be a good thing. Seriously, it is funny as anything to watch somebody lean out to throw a lasso and fall off their horse.

Another thing about throwing a lasso from horseback is to let the horse know what's coming. This I learned the hard way. I had a horse that just wasn't going to work out and she refused to get caught. So I got tired of chasing her and saddled up Cody and got my lasso to catch her up. Everything was going according to plan until that rope sang by Codys ear. He objected. Target missed. Rider half out of the saddle.

Time for a new plan. I put the rope away as a matter of self preservation. I was going to use Cody to pin her because Cody had all the makings of a good cutting horse. I herded the runaway in the barn and had her cornered when she reared up and struck at Cody. Cody objected. Target missed. Rider half out of saddle.

Time for a new plan.I put Cody away and considered a rifle but trying to move a dead horse is a lot of work.
For some reason my brain decided to join me at about this time. The runaway was in the barn. I closed the barn door and herded her into a stall and closed the stall door.

Job complete. Sometimes it's just easier to be smart than to be a cowboy.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on June 08, 2010, 06:31:41 pm

Job complete. Sometimes it's just easier to be smart than to be a cowboy.

I might be a city boy, but I get the sense that a real cowboy would choose this route instead of trying to gain cowboy cred. Goes with any subculture. Why go for the flashy when you can get the job done? I'm a guitarist, and I love to solo, but when it calls for it. If the solo doesn't do anything, why bother ruining the song to look good?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 08, 2010, 06:36:17 pm
For some reason my brain decided to join me at about this time.

 :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on June 08, 2010, 06:40:04 pm
For some reason my brain decided to join me at about this time.

 :lulz:

Hey man, sometimes it takes a couple of minutes to get there, but you got there. Way better than shooting the horse. Like you said, moving a dead horse is harder.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 08, 2010, 06:57:21 pm
For future reference a cowboy will not walk across the street. He will get on his horse and ride to the other side of the street.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 08, 2010, 07:50:55 pm
We were up hunting and the other guys had already left camp. It was just daylight and I only wanted to be lazy and lay in bed a while.

But the horses had other ideas. I had them in a temporary rope corral so I wouldn't have to hobble them. They started running around and snorting and making all kinds of noise. Sleep was impossible so I figured they were thirsty. I couldn't find my glasses and just put on enough clothes to go get them some water. I looked them over and couldn't figure out why they were acting so weird. Anyway I walked towards the creek to fill the water bucket.

Things were moving all around me. I squinted and realized there was 12 elk in the camp. Right in the camp and this is what was spooking the horses. There I was, no glasses, a water bucket in my hand and my rifle in the truck unloaded and I was surrounded by elk.

I made several false starts but I didn't know if I should go for the rifle or mu glasses first. I decided to go for my rifle and had trouble getting the truck door open and realized I still had the water bucket in my hand. I put it down and opened the truck door. When I did the interior light came and all those elk suddenly wanted to be somewhere else.

Now when an elk decided he wants to be somewhere else it is a magical thing because those monsters can move! By the time I got my rifle loaded they were about 500 yards away and uphill. This is a tough shot in the best circumstances and in the poor (barely legal) light it was even more of a challenge. I missed. I missed again. I missed one more time, got disgusted, put the rifle away and didn't hunt anymore the rest of the week.

None of the other guys saw another elk the rest of the week and they hunted hard. If you're real lucky elk will give you one chance. I was lucky, I saw several elk in camp and one was a huge bull.

It was another successful hunting trip.



Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 10, 2010, 02:46:35 pm
Riding horses in the mountains is a lot of fun if you do it right. When you are hunting you naturally have a lot of gear with you. Water, food, emergency supplies in case of a freak blizzard, rifle, well, you get the idea. Now all of this equipment has to be placed just so, otherwise when you are riding in close timber you are going to get hung up a lot.

My nephew was riding with me and wanted me to take point because he didn't have the confidence on horseback. Since I owed him a couple of paybacks I started off. Now, to be fair I told him to stay about 10 feet behind me. Quite often you need to grab a branch and hold on to until you are past it and then release the branch.

The branch will then whip back in place. My nephew must have thought I was trying to get the advantage by being that far ahead and of course as always ignored my advice. He ate several branches and I was just grinning.

This went on for about 2 miles and we were just breaking into a open clearing. As I came out of the timber my nephew made a strange noise. I looked back and he was out of the saddle and sitting on the horses rump and somehow he had managed to get the horse to stop. He was twisted kind of sideways and wasn't moving.

I dismounted and went back to see what the problem was and it turned out he had slung his rifle over his shoulder crossways like I had told him not to do and a branch had caught the sling. His arms were trapped and the sling was tight across his throat and he couldn't do anything. If the horse hadn't stopped he might have hung himself.

So being a concerned uncle I sat down and laughed. Once I could catch my breath I asked him what his plan was now. For some reason his sense of humor was absent which just made it that much more funny.

Finally I felt sorry for him and cut his rifle sling just because I didn't want sap all over my Bowie knife. What? It is a very good knife!

Between his cussing and my laughing we were through hunting the area.

I took him back to camp the short way where there weren't any trees.

Hunting isn't always about shooting an animal now is it?

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 10, 2010, 03:01:46 pm
I thought I saw some movement in the black timber. If you have never seen black timber in the Colorado mountains let me tell you there is a reason those evergreen are called black timber. You can't see in those woods very good.

Not real sure if I had seen movement and if I had not knowing what it was I pulled out my binoculars. Point of note here, it is not only rude, but dangerous to point a high powered rifle at something you might not want to shoot. So rather than use mu scope I used my binoculars.

Sure enough there were about 4 elk moving through the timber. I put the binoculars away and brought my rifle to bear. The range was about 250 yards and they were on the opposite mountain from me. I was looking through the tops of trees on my side and the underbrush on their side.

When this is the case there is no point in shooting because even a tiny twig can deflect the bullet. So I just kept tracking the bull elk with my scope hoping for just one clear shot. Finally I had a hole through all the clutter about 6 inches big. As soon as the neck was in my scope I squeezed the trigger. Just as I squeezed he turned to look behind him and I missed. I quickly fed another round in the chamber and just lined the scope up on the hole in the trees because I knew he was going to bring his head back around and head for safer parts. As soon as I saw all brown I squeezed the trigger again.

My nephew was with me and all of this took about 3 seconds from the first shot until the second and he was yelling "What are you shooting at?" I couldn't believe he hadn't even seen the elk of me looking at them. So I just told him I was looking at that dead elk over there.

Now the elk wasn't dead when we got there but the bullet had shattered his spine and he was unable to move so I finished him off quickly to end the suffering. He was a very nice bull and it took 7 of us 2 hours to pack him out.

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/4-17-200965500PM.jpg)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Roaring Biscuit! on June 10, 2010, 03:57:57 pm
I will never get bored of your life, Hawk

:mittens:

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 10, 2010, 04:10:22 pm
I will never get bored of your life, Hawk

:mittens:




:D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 10, 2010, 04:13:47 pm
Damn nice elk! Meat for a year. I so wanted to go elk hunting this year.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 10, 2010, 04:15:27 pm
Damn nice elk! Meat for a year. I so wanted to go elk hunting this year.

We had a group rule, if you helped you got an equal share. Shooter gets the backstraps though.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on June 10, 2010, 05:08:37 pm
Awesome - you made a swing out the elk's head!  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 10, 2010, 07:45:42 pm
Awesome - you made a swing out the elk's head!  :lulz:

 :lulz:

If you look close the front quarters are hanging behind me.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on June 10, 2010, 08:42:25 pm
Also the bicycles. Admit it - you're one of those - dangle everything from the ceiling - freaks aren't you? This sick perversion of yours, coupled with the - liking twilight - thing has just driven the last nail into the coffin of our friendship  :x
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on June 11, 2010, 12:25:29 am
Somehow I must have disabled the notifications on this thread, so I've just been half an hour catching up, from post 117. I haven't been riding since the end of last summer, and after reading all that righteous equine stuff, I'm going to arrange some moar riding for my serenity.
An old GF of mine owns and trains showjumpers, so I REALLY need to get up there and take advantage of her fine huge warmbloods. And I know I'm going to ache and hurt for a week, but Horses are special. Along with dogs, they are the first domesticated animal, and we have almost been part of each others evolution, for a very long time indeed. Only 80-90 years ago, everyone would have been a lot more familiar with Horses, seen them everyday, regularly been carried to the next town by them, but now, I doubt if one person in every 80 can ride one. They have been sacred over here since well before the Celts got here in 500BC.
I live in the last town in Britain that still has Dray Horses delivering all the Beer to the Pubs, huge 18 hands high Shires, with feathered feet, each weighing over a ton. The ones I ride are nearly as high at the withers, but much less bulky, maybe just over half the weight of a shire. Heavier boned than thoroughbreds, but much more personality, and stamina.  (http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx128/ChuckFukmuk/MEHS/DSC00167.jpg) 
 
    (http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx128/ChuckFukmuk/ASSORTED/uffair.jpg)   

And thanks for the posts Hawk, totally enjoying them Mate.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 11, 2010, 01:04:41 am
Also the bicycles. Admit it - you're one of those - dangle everything from the ceiling - freaks aren't you? This sick perversion of yours, coupled with the - liking twilight - thing has just driven the last nail into the coffin of our friendship  :x

I had at that time 2 full sized 4X4 vehicles I parked in the garage. There wasn't room for anything to be on the floor.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 11, 2010, 01:06:49 am
Somehow I must have disabled the notifications on this thread, so I've just been half an hour catching up, from post 117. I haven't been riding since the end of last summer, and after reading all that righteous equine stuff, I'm going to arrange some moar riding for my serenity.
An old GF of mine owns and trains showjumpers, so I REALLY need to get up there and take advantage of her fine huge warmbloods. And I know I'm going to ache and hurt for a week, but Horses are special. Along with dogs, they are the first domesticated animal, and we have almost been part of each others evolution, for a very long time indeed. Only 80-90 years ago, everyone would have been a lot more familiar with Horses, seen them everyday, regularly been carried to the next town by them, but now, I doubt if one person in every 80 can ride one. They have been sacred over here since well before the Celts got here in 500BC.
I live in the last town in Britain that still has Dray Horses delivering all the Beer to the Pubs, huge 18 hands high Shires, with feathered feet, each weighing over a ton. The ones I ride are nearly as high at the withers, but much less bulky, maybe just over half the weight of a shire. Heavier boned than thoroughbreds, but much more personality, and stamina.  (http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx128/ChuckFukmuk/MEHS/DSC00167.jpg) 
 
    (http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx128/ChuckFukmuk/ASSORTED/uffair.jpg)   

And thanks for the posts Hawk, totally enjoying them Mate.


The second pic looks like an aerial shot but that also looks like a boot in the top left.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on June 11, 2010, 01:10:02 am
Yeah, I think it was taken from a Microlight.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 11, 2010, 01:14:27 am
Yeah, I think it was taken from a Microlight.

Ah, and glad you're still enjoying the read.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on June 11, 2010, 03:08:22 am
I love your Colorado stories and they make me want to get back on a horse. When were you in Elizabeth?



edited for spelling...
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞ on June 11, 2010, 03:16:36 am
...they make me want to get back in a horse...

 :fap:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on June 11, 2010, 03:21:13 am
 :roll:  :)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 11, 2010, 04:05:24 pm
I love your Colorado stories and they make me want to get back on a horse. When were you in Elizabeth?



edited for spelling...



In the 90's. I used to own the Running Creek Grill.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 11, 2010, 05:24:33 pm
Owning a bar in cowboy country presents some unique challenges from time to time. It's never boring and the bartender/owner has to keep his eyes moving all the time.

The place was always rocking on the weekends, I mean past capacity packed. One night I looked up and saw a horses head coming in the front door. I went over the bar and grabbed the bridle to stop the horse. The rider was drunk and laughing and started spurring the horse. I kept a good grip on the bridle and was screaming at the cowboy.

Finally I got him to listen. Then I explained there was a basement under the bar and the building was 100 years old and the horse might fall through the floor. Of course everybody in the bar was cheering him to ride on in.

Even I was laughing by this time. I finally got the horse backed out of the doorway and told the cowboy he could tie the horse up and come on in if he wanted.

He wasn't through riding yet so he started riding off. The horse got in the middle of Highway 86 and stalled. The rider was too drunk to do anything about it. I was ready to go lead the horse back to the parking lot when the cops showed up and told me they would handle it.

The way they handled it was to give the cowboy a DUI and take him to jail. One of his friends went out and took charge of the horse so the cops wouldn't impound it. He fought the DUI in court and lost. Even though he wasn't on a motorized vehicle the charge stuck that he wasn't in control of his vehicle.

He was very proud of that DUI.

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 11, 2010, 06:05:11 pm
Meh. Disregard that last story. I am not ready to go into that phase of my life yet and the story reads like it was forced and will not be included in the book.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: LMNO on June 11, 2010, 08:37:59 pm
funny, though.  Will wait for the correct tale.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 11, 2010, 08:56:13 pm
Heh, I just wanted my muse to show up. Didn't work.

There are plenty of stories from those days but the timing just isn't right yet. It will come.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on June 11, 2010, 09:35:16 pm
Still like the story and I can more than kind of picture that.

In the 90's. I used to own the Running Creek Grill.
Cool.  :) I'm from the Bear Creek area, so I was curious.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 06:02:23 pm
During our lives we often come to a place that is a major decision whether we know it at the time or not. I needed a job so I applied at 2 places. One was the Denver County Sheriffs department and the other was as  a maintenance mechanic with a major corporation.

I had passed all the exams and was offered a job with the sheriffs department and was seriously considering it. The only downfall was it was as a jail guard for the first 2 years.

I also received an offer on the maintenance mechanic job which was to maintain and repair all equipment in a 750,000 square foot building.

The pay was even between the 2 jobs so it was a tough decision. I finally went with the mechanic job and I guess it wasn't a bad decision because I stayed there for 25 years. I will get retirement from it in a few years and made some lifelong friends.

One was my boss, Vince. He was like a father to me and I loved that man. He took a snot nosed kid and turned me into a man. We would go over to his house and he made some damn good wine that he would share. In my 25 years on that job the turnover was incredibly low, only about 6 people ever left.

Any time I think about Vince and all that he ever did for me I can't help but remember the day he died. Vince was involved in his community from Future Leaders of America to being a Mason. It was a week before Christmas and he was delivering care packages for the needy.

He did this every year. It's just a part of who he was. It had snowed the day before and there was ice on the road and another driver lost control and crashed into Vince. He would have survived the accident except he had a heart attack that killed him.

Several of us who worked for him were in tears. We had all lost someone very special who had impacted our lives positively for over 20 years. We lost a member of our family.

Now I don't pretend to know what happens to us after we die but I do know that as long as the rest of us live and remember Vince he will also live, in our hearts and minds. Sometimes as I consider doing a thing I can still hear his voice, teaching me, leading and guiding me. I hope the other guys still remember him in the same way.

The world needs more men like Vince.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 06:16:54 pm
There was one guy that really didn't fit in with the rest of us, no matter how we tried. Vinces' ideas weren't even working well.

So one day several of us grabbed Bob and we taped and tied him to a rescue body basket. It took all of us, I'll give Bob that, for a scrawny guy he put up a pretty good fight.

Well once we had him secure we tied the basket with him in it to some pipes overhead in the boiler room right by the entrance. We did this during lunch and when Vince came back from lunch he looked up and said "Hi Bob" and he just walked to his office.

Vinces' boss came down about 15 minutes later and looked up without saying anything, met with Vince for a while and then left.

For those of you who have never worked around maintenance engineers let me tell you, we have a way of taking care of out own issues. It was only questioned if someone got hurt. Well, hurt badly.  We left Bob up there about 6 hours and finally Vince had us let him down.

Another day we tied Bob to a 2 wheel hand truck and gagged him and put him on the freight elevator. I never did find out who finally let him loose, but I do know he was on that elevator about 3 hours. Bob was a lot of fun. Sad though, he never did really catch on.

We wouldn't allow him to remove his boots in the locker room either. I have never smelled feet like that in my entire life. The stench would penetrate the entire locker room and run everybody out. He had a special place to take his boots off and leave them and no one ever bothered them either.

Bob finally moved on and I hope he found a place where he fit in, he really wasn't a bad guy.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 06:55:29 pm
We had to treat the reflecting pools with algaecide often to keep them clean. We did this from the filtration system down in the boiler room. We would just add a blue chemical and it would get pumped into the pool and you could stand there and watch this blue cloud spread over the entire pool in minutes.

This wasn't a small pool as it contains 1 acre feet of water and was 1 foot deep. In other words the pool was one acre.

One day a guy from the custodial crew was taking his lunch at the same time we were adding the chemical. We knew this because we had to go up and watch and make sure no one got in the water until the chemical had dispersed.

Well this guy had just walked out when the chemical was coming out and he fell to his knees and started praying. Every day after that no matter what the weather he would go out there to pray and have his lunch.

Of course being maintenance engineers we would in no way take advantage of this and we never planned adding the chemical at a specific time of day. Don't you believe me? Well, I don't blame you.

After that day we always had a lookout with a 2 way radio to let us know when to add the chemical. Even the rest of the custodial crew knew what we were doing and nobody ever told the guy. After a while even we didn't have the heart to tell him.

We were always up to things like this.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 07:11:08 pm
Grannys House

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/6-13-201010541PM.jpg)

Packing house and barn

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/6-13-201010557PM.jpg)

View from front porch

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/6-13-201010607PM.jpg)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 07:19:42 pm
Me in my bar in Colorado. Some of the grandkids are sitting at the bar.

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/6-13-201011731PM.jpg)


17 years old.

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/6-13-201012426PM.jpg)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 07:44:29 pm
One day Bill and me were walking through the boiler room and suddenly he started falling and said "I'm Hit!". We were right in front of the window of Vince's office so I grabbed him to keep him on his feet until we got out of sight.

Bill was quite a bit bigger than me but we made it to safety anyway. He pulled his shirt up and there was a huge red mark on his side. We had no idea what had happened but once I got him sitting down I went to find out.

It seems some of the guys had made an air rifle that shot a rubber plug. It worked. Very well. We ran house pneumatics at 150PSI so it packed a pretty good punch too. I forgot about Bill and we started playing around with the rifle and were beginning to think that hitting Bill was just luck. The darn thing just wasn't that accurate.

We did manage to hit a few things though so we kept making modifications and trying it.

We had just made a pretty hefty modification when Paul walked in the boiler room. Somebody said "Shoot Paul." so we did. Now Paul was about 75 feet away and the odds of hitting him were none. Except we nailed him dead in the chest. He went down like a rag doll and we stripped that rifle apart in seconds and disappeared.

Paul laid there quite a while but he was alright. Bill and Paul found out what happened later when we were filling out our daily logs.

There was no mention of the air rifle in any of our logs
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 07:59:39 pm
Bill H and myself were usually at the bottom of any pranking going on but everybody had some pranks at one time or another.

Jim was a friend of ours and that was never a safe thing to be. There was a shortcut through the old Ken Caryl cattle ranch that those of us with keys could use. One day Bill and I had left ahead of Jim and we parked Bills' truck out of sight and we laid down in the ditch beside the road. It was just a small dirt road so nobody ever went fast.

As Jim drove by we jumped out of the ditch and started pound on the side of Jims' van and yelling. Well we scared the devil out of him. It was so much we got away with it 3 more times before Jim got wise to us.

So we planned. One day about 20 minutes before quitting time I went out and popped the lock on Jims' van and went inside and hid. Bill and Jim walked out together and I could hear Jim telling Bill to not scare him on the ranch road. Bill was all innocent and told Jim he wouldn't and as a matter of fact he would follow Jim. This was part of the plan as Bill was my ride.

Well I let Jim get on the ranch road and came out of hiding and started sneaking forward. My original plan was to reach around him and just grab the steering wheel without saying a word, but after thinking it out that would put me in punching range. So I managed to get right behind the drivers seat and then I screamed as loud as I could.

Jim hit the brakes (bending the brake pedal arm) and the van slid to a sideways stop. I was laying on the floor trying to get out of the van before Jim shot me, but I was laughing too hard to move much. Bill pulled up beside Jim laughing as hard as I was.

Then we got worried. Jim was sitting sideways in the drivers seat leaning against the door. His eyes were real wide and he wasn't moving or saying anything. He sat like that a long time.

Finally he blinked and caught his breath and started cussing. Then it got funny all over again.

By now I am out of the van and in a relatively safe position behind Bills' truck just in case Jim did decide to shoot me. I shouldn't have worried because Jim was shaking too bad to aim.

He bought us lunch the next day.

But we weren't quite through with Jim yet.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 08:24:18 pm
im and I were in charge of maintaining the fire and safety computer that helped run the building. I mean down to component level. We had 3 large cabinets set up that we kept parts locked up in.


We had been expecting a shipment of electronic components for a few days and they finally came in. Jim wasn't at work yet so I was going to put them away and I got a better idea. I found Bill H.

We took everything out of the cabinet and put it all in another place and then removed the shelves from the cabinet. Now this cabinet had a steel bar that swung into place to padlock the cabinet in place and here is how much Bill trusted me.

He got inside the cabinet just before it was time for Jim to come in and I locked him in there. Jim came in and I told him the parts came in and he was like a kid in a candy store. We walked back to the cabinet together, and just before we got there I said in a loud voice that I forgot something and I would be right back, for him to go ahead and unlock it.

He did. As the doors were starting to open Bill hit them and popped out of the cabinet yelling and poor Jim started falling backwards until he was flat on the floor. He was holding his chest and looked real pale.

Bill and I were on the floor laughing with tears in out eyes.

Jim bought us lunch that day too.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 08:34:07 pm
Bill S was the boiler room man at this time. We had 2 100 ton chillers for cooling, 2 gas boilers and 3 electric boilers for steam, hot water and heating.

Now these were not little by any means. All of them took up a lot of floor space and could be dangerous.

I saw Bill kneeling down in front of the fire chamber sight glass one day working on the ignitor. Since I was the electrician I went over and asked him if he needed any help. He told me he was fine, just a minor issue with the ignitor. I told him to be careful and went back to checking the 40 fuses on one of the electric boilers.

Once in a while I would step back and check on Bill to make sure he was alright. I didn't want the boiler to blow up because we would have drowned before we could have gotten out of the boiler room. We were only running 12 pounds of steam but it still would have drowned us in a blink.

I was buttoning the fuse panel back up when I noticed Bill had a real strange look on his face. Then he just fell over sideways and laid there not moving. I got the giggles because I knew what had happened. He had got the ignitor working and  before he put it back in the fire chamber it fired.

Bill got to know what 10,000 volts felt like that day. There was only a milliamp of current but the voltage alone was enough to knock a grown man down. I turned the power off and replaced the ignitor and then help Bill as much as I could considering how hard I was laughing.

Experience is a merciless teacher.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 09:09:30 pm
We had a huge incandescent light dimming system that controlled 100 lights in the main lobby and one day it decided to stop working.

I was the electrician so off I went to fix it. Now this panel was about 7 feet tall and full of components and voltage from top to bottom. I had the panel open and was on a ladder near the top trouble shooting.

All of my screwdrivers had insulated grips and shanks to prevent shock and shorts. Except the one I needed this day. I was pretty sure by now the problem was just a loose connection and I was getting ready to tighten it. No big deal right?

Then the screwdriver slipped from my hand. I was at the top of this big panel and I swear that screwdriver hit every single connection on the way down. I read that an electrical arc is 7 times brighter than the surface of the sun. I don't know for sure but I do know I was blind.

Totally blind and in an electrical closet with the door closed and locked. I was on a ladder in front of an open electrical panel. My eyes were burning like crazy. I was about a whisker away from full blown panic. So I made it off of the ladder real quick and hit the door with my face. Then I bounced off of it twice more before I realized it opened in and not out.

So I made it out of the closet to the main lobby of a major corporation totally blind, calling for help with my hands out in front of me so I wouldn't run into anything. The guards at the desk saw me and ran over to help me while one called the nurse.

At the hospital they told me eyes were sunburned and it would be a few days before I could see again.

Ever since I have had to wear glasses.

But a week later I got that damn dimmer fixed for good. It was just a loose connection.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 09:22:24 pm
Bill H and I had been working on some exhaust fans in one of the penthouse electrical rooms and it was getting close to quitting time. We were in a good place to knock off for the day so we buttoned up and walked for the elevator.

We called Bill Wheezer because of his tendency to get hurt in even the simplest places and jobs. AS the freight elevator door opened Bill fell down, half in and half out of the elevator. I was tired and dirty and wanted to get cleaned up and go home. Since Bill was always joking around I kicked him and told him to get up, we had to go. He moaned and I kicked him again and yelled at him to quit horsing around.

He still didn't move so I really kicked him this time. When he didn't move I got to thinking he just might be really hurt. I finally decided it was real and kneeled down to find out what was wrong.

His back was out and he was in acute muscle spasms and unable to hardly even breath. I grabbed my 2 way and called the nurse. She came up and then called for flight for life to come get Bill. He missed the next 2 weeks of work because of his back.

As we were taking him out on the stretcher to the helicopter I convinced the EMS people that Bill was afraid of small spaces and heights. They asked me  Evil or Very Mad what they should do so I told them they better give him something to knock him out and good.

They gave him enough stuff to put an elephant to sleep because I had then convinced if he woke up during the ride he would tear the inside of the helicopter up. As they loaded him he was drooling and trying to focus on me and trying to say something.

I patted his hand and told him not to worry, that I had his back.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 09:32:51 pm
Al and I would always end up in  political debates. Whatever side he was on I wasn't, it wasn't personal, just fun. As we would argue Gene would always kick our chairs, "It's your turn Al, It's your turn Charley".

Gene was one of those natural storytellers. He loved to tell Jerry Clower stories, especially this one.
http://www.reflector.com/opinion/if-jerr...live-14041

One day he told this story and then we went to talking about other things. Al reached over and slapped Genes' arm and asked"Hey! What happened to that guy in the tree"? and Gene was almost speechless. Almost. He started telling Al some made up story about that guy and I just busted out laughing. Al realized he had been owned.

So Al came to me for help getting even with Gene. I guess I had some kind of reputation about pulling pranks. Or something. So I decided to get the entire crew, except Gene, involved.

We were running cables to set up a computer network for the entire building. A big part of this was using empty shafts left over from a defunct mail delivery system that never worked. These shafts ran from bottom to top and were about big enough for a man to fall down.

Al and I 'escalated' out political debates drawing Gene in. In 3 weeks we would be ready to spring the trick.

Virgil was a very solid person and his job was to just stand in the doorway to the shaft room so Gene couldn't get out. Another man was just one floor above Gene. Al and I were 4 floors up. This wasn't a big deal because we always did this after hours on overtime. The building was all but empty.

The crew all pitched in and made a full sized mannican that was wearing Als' overalls and boots. The guy one floor up from Gene had the mannican.

Al and I were arguing as usual and there was one word that would set everything in motion. We let this go on for about 30minutes and then I said the keyword. Virgil blocked and Lonnie shoved the doll down the shaft. Al screamed down the shaft and Gene looked up. The doll had hung up in the cables a little and looked very real.

Gene turned for the door and bounced off of Virgil. Gene hit Virgil again and bounced off again. Gene was a little white guy and Virgil was a very well put together black guy and they were the very best of friends. Gene later told us the third time he hit Virgil they looked like two thirds of an Oreo cookie.


Gene just knew I had thrown Al down that shaft and that Al was going to smash him. As we left the shaft room, 4 floors up the door closed behind us and we turned the corner and were getting on the elevator whrn we heard Gene saying something about sunny beaches.

When we got downstairs Virgil was laying on the floor in the hallway helpless. Lonnie was laying on him. Gene was curled up in a ball puffing on a cigarette and shaking. We were on our knees laughing by now.

Gene left the company a couple of years later to move to Arkansas and took that Dummy with him. AS far as I know he still has it.

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on June 13, 2010, 09:49:50 pm
 :lulz: You are an evil man, Hawk.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 10:00:29 pm
Gene worked the graveyard fire watch. He had to be at work at midnight and he left home at 11:30 every night. This is not the kind of information that you really want to tell somebody like me.

But he did. I am not a strong enough person to stop myself from using this kind of vital information. So Bill H and myself sat down to discuss the best way to go about using it.

Of course we came up with a plan.

One night we drove over to Genes house and parked a block away. We crept up to his house to put the plan into motion. Bill was the lookout but he also had one other part that will be revealed later. Gene never parked his truck in the garage so it was right there in the driveway.

I managed to crawl under the truck without being seen and Bill was in hiding. Finally Gene came out of the house right on time. I love people of habit. I lay very still until Gene was unlocking his truck door.

Then without a sound I reached out and grabbed his ankle and held on for dear life. Gene did the only reasonable thing to do which was to go into a terror induced screaming dance. This went on for over a minute until he managed to break my grip. I have tears in my eyes just writing this.

Of course by now I was in hysterical uncontrolled laughter, even when Gene drug me out from under the truck cussing. He calmed down after a while and got to laughing himself. We were trying to not wake up the neighbors, although I think it was too late to worry about that.

Then Bill jumped out from behind the bush and grabbed Gene from behind. Gene did the only reasonable thing to do which was to go into a terror induced screaming dance. I am on the ground now unable to breathe with tears rolling down my cheeks while Bill is yelling something about murder in the night.

Gene eventually realized it was just part 2 of the plan and tried to settle down. He sat curled in a ball puffing on a cigarette.

About then the cops showed up. One of the neighbors had called them about someone being murdered. Bill and I hit the ground again kind of laying on each other laughing harder and louder than ever. The cop reached for his gun which made us laugh even louder.

Between puffs Gene told the cops what had happened. I swear the cops tried to keep a straight face as they told us to try and hold the noise down which of course sent us even more into laughter.

Gene was late for work that night for possibly the first time in his life.

He even told the cop we were a couple of worthless fuckers and he needed to find different friends.

We weren't quite done with Gene yet.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 10:01:22 pm
:lulz: You are an evil man, Hawk.

 :lulz: :evil:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 11:23:00 pm
So Genes' appendix burst and they had to take it out. We were all concerned about him and visited when we could.

The day after his operation Bill H. and I called him at the hospital. He was a little groggy but awake enough for us to mess with him.

We started telling stories and jokes that would make him laugh. It was funny to hear him laugh and moan at the same time while he was trying to cuss us out for making him hurt. This only made us try harder.

Well, and this was not our fault, for some reason he busted some stitches. My face was straight when I said that, wasn't it?

So anyway, Vince got a call from the hospital. For some reason Bill and I weren't allowed to call or visit Gene anymore. We just loved a challenge. We would get a woman to call and ask for Gene since his calls were all screened by the nurses' desk now. Once Gene got on the phone we would start over again.

We never were able to make him bust any more stitches no matter how hard we tried. I think the hospital sent Gene home earlier than they normally would because they were getting fed up with Bill and I.

When it was time for my surgery I told everybody I was going on vacation.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 13, 2010, 11:30:29 pm
Writing that last one had me laughing to tears all over again. My neighbors must think I am crazy.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on June 14, 2010, 01:04:03 am
That's a fucking fantastic prank.  My mittens are off to you, sir.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 14, 2010, 12:48:43 pm
Thank you.  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on June 14, 2010, 10:27:21 pm
 :mittens: Well, you got to have a bit of a laugh at work, haven't you?  Otherwise it all seems a bit too much like, erm, work?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 15, 2010, 12:18:26 am
:mittens: Well, you got to have a bit of a laugh at work, haven't you?  Otherwise it all seems a bit too much like, erm, work?

Oh, we always got our work done. We made time to fuck with each other.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on June 15, 2010, 02:26:14 pm
I usually got those priorities the other way way round, fucked with everyone, and sometimes got some work done. Hence my periods of unemployment. (I knew I had the right ingredients for a productive day, but they were arse backwards)  :)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 15, 2010, 06:15:50 pm
Wrist rockets and pneumatic rubber plugs were an endless source of entertainment. Dan worked for Honeywell and they had the maintenance contract on the building automation equipment.

One day we were on the catwalk in the loading dock waiting for Dan. As he got out of the van we started nailing him with the plugs. They hurt pretty bad and always left red welts. Well, he grabbed his wrist rocket and the war was on. We had the advantage of the high ground and numbers and we were winning.

One of the rules was to try to never hit anyone in the head or face. For obvious reasons. We didn't want to have to try to explain the marks.

As the battle raged on Dan found a pretty good spot and was evening up the score a little. Then I saw a very bright light and then darkness.

I guess I flew back 4 feet and landed on my back out cold. My buddies yelled and told Dan and his response was to escalate fire. He sensed an advantage. So I was out, 1 guy was trying to help me, and the other was holding Dan off.

I came to a few minutes later and everything was fuzzy for a while. So happens I was hit right in the temple. I was in no shape to continue the fight so we beat a retreat into a mechanical room and ended it. For then.

We had to go to work anyway, some pneumatic equipment was on the blink and that was why Dan was there.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 15, 2010, 06:28:04 pm
Bill H and I were called to the north end of the building. There was a noxious odor coming out of a room.

We smelled it from a ways off and took off running. We had master keys so we opened the door and went in. The anhydrous ammonia tank had burst a connector and it was spewing out. We tried to get to the tank and close the valve but we were getting overpowered. We made it back out to the hallway and radioed for them to evacuate the north end of the building, all floors.

Then we wrapped kerchiefs around our faces and went back in. This time we got it about halfway closed. WE had to leave again. I was crawling and thought Bill was right behind me but when I got to the door he wasn't there. I crawled back and he was out on the floor.

I grabbed him and started dragging him out. Finally I was in the hallway. Once I stopped puking and coughing I called the nurse to get flight for life. I also had the engineers office bring the airpak up.

Bill was still out cold and not breathing very good at all. Finally the nurse showed up and reported she had called flight for life and they were ETA of 5 minutes.

Some of the other engineers showed up with the airpak and one of them went in with it on to close the valve on the tank. They wouldn't let me go back in.

The nurse had gotten Bill somewhat awake and the EMT's showed up and got Bill on the stretcher. I was walking with them to the helicopter pad and managed to convince them that Bill was afraid of heights and small spaces.  Evil or Very Mad

So they doped him up real good and once again I told Bill not to worry, that I had his back.

Both of us ended up with permanent scars on our lungs and Bill missed a week of work. The blueprint room was moved to a safer location than just beside the cafeteria. Also an airpak was permanently attached to the wall outside the blueprint room and locked. All the engineers had keys to it.

There was never another incident with the anhydrous ammonia tank.

So the job wasn't always fun and games.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 15, 2010, 06:51:29 pm
I had been replacing aviation lights on the helioport. I was winter and there was plenty of sand on the drive. It was about 300 feet back to the building and it was cold so I was in a hurry.

My right foot slipped on some gravel and I landed on my knee. Sure it hurt a little but I got up and continued on. As the day went on the pain kept getting worse and worse. Finally I couldn't even walk.

The nurse was called and was going to call flight for life and i nixed it because Bill was standing right there, so she settled for an ambulance. No way was I going to let Bill get them to dope me up. I was up 2 - 0 and it was going to stay that way.

Well the got me to the hospital and examined me and admitted me right away. I was trying to find out what was going on and the doctors and nurses were all jabbering and ignoring me.

A specialist was called in. I had damaged my bursa sac in my knee and a low grade infection was setting in. It was 50/50 on whether I would lose the leg.

I was in the hospital for 3 weeks and on home IV for another month. The doctor said it was all but a miracle that I hadn't lost my leg. It was 2 months before I was able to go back to work and then had another month on desk duty.

All over a silly slip.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on June 15, 2010, 07:06:47 pm
Innit great how the safety measures are introduced after something totally fucked happens? With the BP oceanic remodelling project in the news this shit is just as relevant now as it was then.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 15, 2010, 07:08:24 pm
The loading dock had called and let me know some electric motors had came in for me. I was able to get there a couple of hours later, but no one was on the dock.

I found my motors but there was a pallet of paper for the copy room in the way. I grabbed a hand jack and went to move it. It was very heavy. Finally I turned my back to the pallet and put my arms behind me and jerked hard on the pallet and got it rolling enough to be out of the way.

I thought something in my back had popped but nothing hurt. When I got the pallet of paper where I wanted it I stopped and relaxed. I hit the floor and screamed.

The pain was incredible. I couldn't get a decent breath and I certainly couldn't move. This time the nurse wasn't having my nonsense about an ambulance and I was ready for drugs if Bill wanted to get one back on me. So flight for life showed up and I got a ride. Bill was at the other end of the building and it was a quarter of a mile long so he missed out. Didn't matter though, I was begging for drugs.

So in the hospital they ran some tests and admitted me right there. I had torn the muscle that runs across the lower back in half. A neurologist was called in. They ran all kinds of tests and the result was it was inoperable. Damn.

So They kept me for a couple of weeks until they figured out what drugs were going to work best and for massage therapy. I wasn't allowed to move at all.

They sent me home and set up ongoing physical therapy and the next 30 days of my life are forever lost in a haze of demerol and muscle relaxers. I was taken in after 30 days to see this specialist. supposedly one of the top neurologists in the Denver area.

As we talked I was asking about getting out of the wheelchair and he told me I would never get out of it. My mind went blank. The impact of his statement was crushing. We must have sat there for over 5 minutes without a word said.

The physical pain was almost blinding but the emotional pain was twice as bad. I made a decision without realizing it. I stood up and walked out of his office. I pushed my own wheelchair out of his office. It hurt like pure hell, but I did it.

I drove them crazy in PT, insisting that we work harder. They kept trying to hold me back and we kept butting heads over it. I would get wheeled in the hospital for steroid injections into my spine, 4 injections every trip, once a month.

After the injections I would push my own chair out of the hospital. That damn chair had become my personal Satan. I would not give up. No matter what. It was 6 months before I was able to go back to work. But I did.

I spent the next year in PT making them push me for the entire time. After PT the company had a fitness center so I started working out 5 days a week. I was addicted to Soma for the next 12 years but I beat that wheelchair.

There have been a lot of very rough times over the years but I refused to give in. Today I am pain free in my lower back almost all of the time. Once in a while I get muscle spasms and some pain.

I am not in a wheelchair. The pallet of paper I had moved weighed 2000 pounds I found later. 1 ton.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 15, 2010, 07:10:24 pm
Innit great how the safety measures are introduced after something totally fucked happens? With the BP oceanic remodelling project in the news this shit is just as relevant now as it was then.

Yep. It was just never even considered that this would happen. There wasn't even an air evacuation system in place.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 15, 2010, 07:38:13 pm
The company I worked for was Johns Manville. At least twice a week we would get a bomb threat. JM was involved in the asbestos litigation and some people hated the company.

I was part of the bomb search team. We received regular training on what to look for and what to do if we found one. There were several of us because the building was a quarter of a mile long and spread over several floors.

The call came in, another bomb threat. We all met in the engineers office where they organized us and were passing out 2 way radios. I remember driving past road construction sites in the mountains and there were signs telling you to turn off all radios and phones because they were blasting.

I thought this was worth mentioning since we were looking for explosives. As they were collecting the 2 way radios from us we decided to use the emergency phone system. I thought it was a much better idea.

So we began the search. Up and down one stairway after another. Looking in cubbyholes on every floor. They always evacuated the building and all the other employees stood out in the parking lot while this was happening.

When the company had been in downtown Denver a bomb had actually gone off. Now we were in the foothills in Deer Creek Canyon. It was 20 miles to Denver.

Now the only time the police bomb squad would show up was if we found something. We never did find a bomb and I was good with that. I didn't want to find one. We never caught anyone who was making the bomb threats either.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on June 15, 2010, 08:58:50 pm
Hard-f'kin-core dude! Some people make the most of the hand they're dealt. Others use their middle finger to demand more cards and they keep that finger skyward till they get a hand they like. Sometimes that's just the only way to get shit done!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 15, 2010, 09:32:12 pm
Hard-f'kin-core dude! Some people make the most of the hand they're dealt. Others use their middle finger to demand more cards and they keep that finger skyward till they get a hand they like. Sometimes that's just the only way to get shit done!

I wish I could take credit for it. Something in my head took over.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 16, 2010, 03:38:35 pm
It was a beautiful summer day in the foothills. We were working outside on a Saturday repainting the lines on the parking spaces.

The front reflecting pool had been treated the day before so it was a very pretty blue and the sun was reflecting the building off of it perfectly.

A magpie landed on the ledge of the pool and squawked at us for a while. We took a break and were watching the bird. Every once in a while it would take a drink from the pool. We went back to work.

An hour or so later we took another little break and the magpie was still there. I wasn't walking so good either. We watched it literally stagger. Then it would stop and take another drink. Now we were caught up in watching the bird. If you've never seen a bird stagger when it walks, it is a very funny thing.

After a while the bird kind of walked off the ledge. It was a very ungraceful landing. The bird took a few more steps and then it fell over. We went to check on the bird and it was awake looking at us. When we would reach down to pick it up it would peck and hiss at us so we didn't try to help it.

After about an hour the bird made it back to it's feet and made 3 unsuccessful attempts to fly off. It did manage then to take wing and fly away. All we could figure out was the bird got drunk on the chemical in the pool. None of us ever saw anything like that again.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 16, 2010, 03:51:29 pm
I was afraid of heights. On a 6 foot ladder it was both hands for the company. Up to 14 feet it was one hand for the company and one hand for me. Over 14 feet and it was both hands for me and to hell with the company.

I was mad about being afraid of heights. It was a weakness and sometimes it affected my job.

I had a plan. I was going to go bungi jumping to cure my fear. I mean it's only logical, right? Man up, face your fear head on and grab it around the throat. Choke it to death!

So I paid my money and up we went. There was a huge airbag on the ground in case things went bad. All the equipment looked good and I was hooked onto the platform.

Then we got to the top. That huge airbag looked like a damn couch pillow. The wind was howling and pushing us around. I couldn't swallow. Hell, I could hardly breathe. I started to doubt the equipment. I started to doubt my sanity. I was sweating and shaking.

The jump master told me he was going to count backwards and when he got to 1 i was supposed to fall off backwards. About this time I failed to see any logic in falling off of a perfectly good platform so I screamed at the jump master to shut the hell up.

Now I was standing with just my toes on a tiny lip on this platform with my back to what felt like a black abyss. I closed my eyes and somehow managed to calm myself down. Without opening my eyes I told the jump master I was ready. He counted me down and I fell.

I kept my eyes closed waiting for the feel of bouncing back up. I will tell you there isn't any feeling of that, it just happens. I couldn't stand it anymore so I opened my eyes. Bad move. I was already back near the top again.

Now I was too terrified to close my eyes. The air bag still looked like a couch pillow and the air was screaming past my ears. I was going back down. My chest was hurting and I was bouncing around on that rubber band like a cat toy.

I was NOT happy.

Finally they lowered me to the air bag which once again had regained it's full size and as they lowered me I rolled off of it. I had done it. I had bungi jumped. As I stood up my knees failed me. My entire family was laughing at me. Apparently I had screamed like a woman for the whole ride.


But I had done it. Know something really crazy? I wasn't afraid of heights after that.

In Denver there is Elitches Garden or 6 Flags or whatever they call it now. They have a swing that is a huge arch. They pull you up to a nearby tower and you have to pull a ripcord to start the swing.

In the background there are the towers. There is a microscopic speck on the right hand one that is my stepson Mike and myself.

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/6-16-2010100926AM.jpg)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 16, 2010, 04:36:55 pm
I had an idea. What the hell, it ad been a while since I had gotten hurt so it was due.

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/6-17-201094745AM.jpg)

Yes, I bought a boat. I wanted to water ski. So I learned how to handle the boat, all the rules of the water and off we went.

The wind was blowing on this day but I wanted to ski anyway, I had learned to ski in rough water after all. So everything was going on pretty good. The boat driver saw some smooth water by the dam so off we went. The instant my skis hit the smooth water I crashed.

I mean face first at 40 MPH. There I was face down in the water out cold. Now we had several people in the boat, both men and women. After they managed to drag me into the boat they went back and got my swim trunks. I guess the water had ripped them right off of me.

So I woke up back at the beach naked as a jaybird. And the water was cold. So I fumbled around getting my trunks back on while the laughter continued. It took a while to live that one down, but it wasn't the last time it happened either.

Finally I gave up on trunks and started wearing cut off jeans. That seemed to solve the problem. I still got knocked out once in a while, but at least i wasn't naked.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on June 16, 2010, 04:57:12 pm
It was a beautiful summer day in the foothills. We were working outside on a Saturday repainting the lines on the parking spaces.

The front reflecting pool had been treated the day before so it was a very pretty blue and the sun was reflecting the building off of it perfectly.

A magpie landed on the ledge of the pool and squawked at us for a while. We took a break and were watching the bird. Every once in a while it would take a drink from the pool. We went back to work.

An hour or so later we took another little break and the magpie was still there. I wasn't walking so good either. We watched it literally stagger. Then it would stop and take another drink. Now we were caught up in watching the bird. If you've never seen a bird stagger when it walks, it is a very funny thing.

After a while the bird kind of walked off the ledge. It was a very ungraceful landing. The bird took a few more steps and then it fell over. We went to check on the bird and it was awake looking at us. When we would reach down to pick it up it would peck and hiss at us so we didn't try to help it.

After about an hour the bird made it back to it's feet and made 3 unsuccessful attempts to fly off. It did manage then to take wing and fly away. All we could figure out was the bird got drunk on the chemical in the pool. None of us ever saw anything like that again.


We used to have an Orchard, and in the Autumn, the Badgers would come around at night, and scarf down all the windfall apples. By 3 in the morning, they would all be drunk on the alcohol in the half rotten apples, and spend the rest of the night acting like drunken humans, singing Badger songs, and  chasing each other around, and fighting over Badger chicks, before staggering back to their Sett at dawn. 
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 17, 2010, 04:08:31 pm
We always took a weeks vacation with another couple and went to the lake and camped and skiied. He had a nice jet boat that would haul.

One day we were sitting there drinking some cold ones and I asked Tom just how fast his boat would go. He said he thought it topped out at 70 MPH. The legal speed on lakes in Colorado was 45 MPH.

But like I said we had been drinking a little. I had a plan. Yeah, I know but what the hell, right?

We put my big tube behind his boat to see just how fast a guy could ride and stay on. Of course I was the guy on the tube. Tom hadn't had that much to drink.

Now I didn't know how fast we were going but the tube was only hitting the water about every 15 feet. It was just kind of skipping and I was having a blast. So far so good.

Tom was running out of lake so he had to turn. If you've ever ridden one of those tubes you know that when the boat turns the tube will slip out and kind of catch up to the boat. Well, I was almost passing the boat. It was getting harder and harder to stay on the tube.

I was trying to tuck my elbow in the center of the tube but couldn't quite get it. So I glanced down at the tube. It was flat. It was as flat as a pancake. There was no place to tuck my elbow.

While I was processing this information I came off of the tube. As I was flying through the air my last thought was to roll into a ball to minimize whatever damage I had gotten myself into.

When I woke up back at the beach I learned a couple of things. Tom had been going 70 MPH. The inner seams on the tube had disintegrated. The fine print on the tube said 40 MPH max speed. I was in  pain.

I also learned despite telling myself to curl into a ball I had cartwheeled about 50 feet across the water before my magnificent crash. Tom said my arms and legs were all spread and it looked really cool.

We decided the next time we would reinforce the seams on the new tube I bought.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 17, 2010, 04:22:36 pm
The eastern plains in Colorado are very unpredictable when it comes to weather. A storm could come out of nowhere at any time.

I had made some poles that were about 5 feet long for Tom and myself so we could drive them in the lake bed and tie our boats nose out. We would leave enough slack in the rope to allow the boats to dance on incoming waves and we tied the stern to the shore so the boats couldn't run up on the stakes.

He and I were always watching the horizon because you could see a storm coming from a long way off if it was daylight. Which ever one of us spotted a storm first we would always let the other know. We would get back to camp and get the boats tied down and the storm covers on them.

We would also make sure the campsite was ready for a storm after we got through with the boats. The only things left would be our chairs and we could pick those up and put them in the campers when the storm hit.

While we were doing all of this it never failed some campers would laugh at us. That was just fine.

We were at Bonnie Lake which was almost to the Kansas state line when a real nasty storm hit. Tom and I had gotten everything ready so we just went in the campers. A lot of people were still out in the water and the waves were at about 4 feet from the wind.

One guy had been wind surfing and he had to be rescued by the rangers. Others had to struggle to get back to shore without swamping their boats.

The storm lasted most of the night and the next morning everything was a mess. Many boats were sunk in shallow water by the beach, a couple were on their sides. Our boats were just fine and all of out camp gear was right where we put it.

Tom and I just sat and enjoyed our morning coffee. I didn't hear anymore laughter. Well, except for Tom and myself. Pretty soon the kids and everybody was awake and we decided to get some skiing in. It was real nice, no other boats to have to look out for, and the water wasn't all chopped up from too many boats running around.

Later that evening a lot of people walked by to check out how we tied our boats up every day. Even in clear weather we put on the storm covers and always tied them the same way.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 17, 2010, 04:50:14 pm
This story is about why Tom and I changed the way we tied our boats up.

It had been a nice day and we had worn ourselves out playing. So we tied our boats like we usually did, bow to the beach and the stern to a tree.

I guess it was about midnight when I woke up. The wind was howling and the camper was rocking hard. First I made sure we weren't in any danger of it blowing and then I checked on the boats.

Holy cow! There were 5 foot high waves crashing on the shore and Toms boat had broke loose and was in danger of banging itself on a tree. I took off and jumped between his boat and the tree doing my best to save it. There was lightening everywhere and the waves were bashing into me all the way up to my head.

I was yelling at the top of my voice for help and I couldn't even hear me. Finally my wife opened the camper door and I started yelling for help. The wind took a seconds pause and she said "No, I don't need help", I started cussing and about that time Tom came out of his camper at full speed.

It took us about 20 minutes to get his boat secure again. The next day we had to bail both boats out even with using bilge pumps. And that was the last time we ever tied our boats out that way.

We were lucky because a lot of boats were sunk and a couple were even washed up on the beach.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 17, 2010, 05:03:56 pm
I learned early in my boating phase that if you put a 14 foot cabover camper in your truck and a boat on behind the truck that you can't see the boat when you are trying to back it up when you want to launch it. This is bad because you have to get the boat lined out straight and keep it that way.

I went down to a nearby lake to watch other people launch their boats so I could get some ideas. And to laugh. You could always spot a new boat owner. They would back up and get their boats out of line and have to pull forward again, over and over.

When you are backing a trailer everything is backwards from what you would expect. So this was some pretty good free entertainment.

Well, back to the story. I didn't get any good ideas so I went home and thought it over. Then I took my truck to the welding shop and had them weld a hitch to the front of my truck. I would pull into the marina and unhitch my boat, then turn the truck around and hitch the boat to the front. Problem solved. I could see the trailer easily and never had any more trouble launching.

I always got a lot of strange looks and the next year several front bumper hitches started showing up. What the heck, it worked. Boat owners and campers are always fooling around with equipment to try to make it better.

My camper was 14 feet long and the truck bed was only 8 feet. It worked pretty good but there was no step to get into the camper. After several failed ideas I went back to the welding shop and had an extended bumper put on. I never got tailgated when the camper was off of the truck because I had 4 feet of heavy angle iron welded to the back of my truck. It looked intimidating.

Of course parking was something else. I always had to park way out so I could take 2 spaces.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 17, 2010, 05:31:41 pm
In 1965 I lived in Alabama. That year I learned to hate the south. I remember separate drinking fountains and just about everything else. I can still see in my minds eye signs on stores that said Whites Only. I remember the hate that went both ways.

I was just a snot nosed kid and didn't pay a lot of attention until one day that burned itself into my mind to remain there forever. I was walking down the sidewalk and coming the other way was an elderly black man. When we got close to each other he stepped off of the sidewalk and into the street and kept his eyes down as I walked by. Even I knew there was something very wrong with this. It troubled me and I asked my Papa about it. He muttered something about "niggers knowing their place".

I had just learned my family, people I loved and respected were haters too. I guess I always knew, I just never paid any attention to it. It was just a part of life. After this I started watching closer. This was going on everywhere. I quickly learned to keep my mouth shut about it, a couple of backhands go a long way.

I was out in the country and in those days we all had wells with buckets that were lowered down for water. I stopped at a farm where a black man was hauling up a bucket of water. He had a dipper and took a long drink. I asked him if I could have a drink and he told me he didn't have another dipper. I asked if I just couldn't use his. He stared at me a while and then turned and went in his house and closed the door. He took his dipper with him.

There was a black man on television in those days saying a lot of things that made the white people mad. To me he was just a calm man saying that black people deserved equal rights. Except in those they said colored people. But he sure made the whites mad and I thought a little scared.

They wanted to walk from Selma to Montgomery but the police beat them up pretty bad on a bridge before they got too far. I heard they went to the law to get permission to make their walk. Some judge said they sure could and there was a lot of cussing about "nigger lovers."

Well they made their march. White people all along the road had sandbags stacked in front of their doors and had shotguns too. Near as I could tell they didn't hurt anybody, just walked and sang a lot. Sure was a lot of people walking with them. I think more joined them every day. The more that walked the more scared the whites got too.

I watched on television later as Dr. King made a speech in Washington. I found myself agreeing with everything he said. There were lots of folks there listening to him as well. Well some time later he got shot to death. A lot of people I knew were real happy and laughing about it but I was pretty sad. I thought maybe we had lost a very special person. But then again I was just a kid.

I heard on the television how things were changing all over for the black people but I didn't see any of it. It seemed like nothing had changed at all. Well, that isn't true either. There were a lot more KKK meetings and a lot more black people were getting hurt and killed.

I'm grown now and there is still a great deal of hate because of skin color. I don't think much has changed. I don't know if it ever will either. 
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on June 18, 2010, 02:55:59 pm
Welding is brilliant fun, and quite useful too. But just for welding bits of old metal, onto other bits of old metal, with no functionality in mind, you van come up with incredible pieces of "Installation Art". 
Or cut and shut the good front half of a car wreck,, to the good back half of another car wreck, to make a totally unique, and singular set of wheels. (Especially if the front is a Subaru, and the back is a Toyota) Must always remember to wear a good pair of polarising sunglasses though, in case you get anything going into your eyes.

Like triple supernova white dwarf levels of UV, that turn first, your Ocular system, and then, the next 18 hours of your whole existence into a distilled, and concentrated ordeal of exquisitely ramped up pain and agony.

The only thing I wanted to do was pluck my eyeballs out of my own head,  then fill up the sockets with as much cocaine as it took to make the pain go away.
The only thing that stopped me, was the certain knowledge that there was not enough cocaine in the whole world to achieve the kind of anaesthesia I needed.

And also I couldn't see my hand in front of my face, and all my other senses were filled up with the pain too. I could hear the pain, smell the pain, taste the pain, there was no room in my CNS for anything BUT pain.
Interesting experience, but one not to be repeated.
Useful, if only to know, that exponentially increasing pain can't kill you, it just hurts more. And more. And then just a little bit more.

I'm over it now, but ouch!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 20, 2010, 09:55:55 pm
Welding is brilliant fun, and quite useful too. But just for welding bits of old metal, onto other bits of old metal, with no functionality in mind, you van come up with incredible pieces of "Installation Art". 
Or cut and shut the good front half of a car wreck,, to the good back half of another car wreck, to make a totally unique, and singular set of wheels. (Especially if the front is a Subaru, and the back is a Toyota) Must always remember to wear a good pair of polarising sunglasses though, in case you get anything going into your eyes.

Like triple supernova white dwarf levels of UV, that turn first, your Ocular system, and then, the next 18 hours of your whole existence into a distilled, and concentrated ordeal of exquisitely ramped up pain and agony.

The only thing I wanted to do was pluck my eyeballs out of my own head,  then fill up the sockets with as much cocaine as it took to make the pain go away.
The only thing that stopped me, was the certain knowledge that there was not enough cocaine in the whole world to achieve the kind of anaesthesia I needed.

And also I couldn't see my hand in front of my face, and all my other senses were filled up with the pain too. I could hear the pain, smell the pain, taste the pain, there was no room in my CNS for anything BUT pain.
Interesting experience, but one not to be repeated.
Useful, if only to know, that exponentially increasing pain can't kill you, it just hurts more. And more. And then just a little bit more.

I'm over it now, but ouch!

That's why I get someone else to do it for me.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 20, 2010, 10:37:19 pm
One of the things I will always remember from my childhood is the Tinker. He was an old man with a horse and wagon. I never knew which of the 3 was older.

The women folk would set aside pans that were in need of repair for when the Tinker came through. He was always looked for and his coming was an event. I can't remember the month but he always showed in the same month.

The grownups said he covered the whole state and that's why he only showed up once a year. He would set up camp in an open field and work on mostly pots and pans but he would try to fix anything. Almost everybody would have something for him to work on and he would stay a week every visit.

People would sit and talk with him and get the news from where he had been and ask about family members. It was kind of like a holiday. The Tinker was friendly and would even take time to talk to us kids. He would tell all kinds of stories and we hung on every word.

When it came time for him to leave everybody was sure to be out on their porches to wave and smile.

One year he just didn't show up. We never knew what happened but I think that life just followed it's normal course. I have tried to find some record of him, but there is nothing I can find. Sad, another piece of Americana passed without footnote.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 21, 2010, 05:33:26 pm
It was a nice Halloween night in Florida and I was taking my little brother around trick or treating. We were making a haul too!

There's always one house that is dark, and you just know the people are home. Well, I guess you younger people don't know a lot about trick or treating these days. Take my word for it though, there was always one.

It was getting near the end of the night and we had all the candy we wanted but I was determined to go knock on this door. The house sat pretty far back from the road and the driveway was lined with big oak trees.

So I held Damians' hand and off we go down the driveway. I admit it was dark and spooky but once my mind was set on a thing that was that.

We got about halfway down the drive and something in a branch above me rustled. We couldn't see anything at all so we started walking again. What happened next took 10 years off of my life, I swear.

The branch above me rustled again. Something landed on my shoulders and had handfuls of my hair. I screamed and reached up to grab it. All I felt was fur. Now panic was really setting in. Whatever it was on my head was screaming. I was screaming. Damian was screaming.

The world had slowed down and it was like it was standing still. I still had my hands on the fur so with all my strength I just threw it. As it landed I took off for the road yelling for Damian to hurry up. I got to the road and no little brother. I started to go back in after him when he came running up the road.

We were standing there shaking and trying to catch out breath, terrified. As we started to realize we were both alright we began to calm down. Damian asked me what that thing was.

As it had landed screaming my mind had registered what it was but was unable to tell my brain.

I was HAD. I knew it and it got funny. The owners of that house had a pet monkey. As I told Damian what it was he got to laughing.

We decided that we really didn't need to go to that house after all and just went home. To this day I can't stand monkeys.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 21, 2010, 06:33:10 pm
I worked for Johns Manville for 25 years. They sold the building to Martin Marietta and sold me with it. It was a good move for me because I was promoted to Department Head of Tenant services.

One day I got a call that an office needed to be cleaned out so someone could move in. I sent my crew up and repeated my instructions, everything except the furniture goes into the trash.

A couple of hours later a very pissed off rocket scientist was trying to scream at me on the loading dock. Finally he reached my maximum bullshit point and I told him to shut up. Now that he was calmed down I asked him what the problem was.

It seems there was some top secret documents in that office. Whoops. Then he made a very bad mistake and threatened to have me fired if I didn't produce the documents. I promptly called the head of government security. While we were waiting for him this clown went off again. By now my bullshit tolerance was saturated and I put my finger on his chest.

He had made several mistakes. He had pirated an office. He had secret documents in a non secure area. He had removed those documents from the main facility illegally. He had pissed me off.

I pointed all of these things out to him in a friendly, quiet and calm manner. (cough) Then I told him if they quit using 25 year old technology then just maybe the shuttle wouldn't have exploded. For most of this government security had stood by listening.

Then (we'll call him Chuck) Chuck asked me where the documents were. I pointed to the big trash container with attached compactor. This container was the only one in the building so all trash, including kitchen trash was put there.

Chuck was not happy. Then this stupid rocket scientist told me that my crew would have to dig through it and find the documents. Boy, this guy had all the wrong moves. I told him if he hadn't been so arrogant we would have helped but as it was I would have one of my guys pull the container out so he could wade in there and find them himself.

Well they eventually found them. The guy lost his security clearance, was reassigned and lost a six figure income. I on the other hand got an increased clearance and was trained on what to look for when we were purging offices.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 22, 2010, 03:59:46 pm
One day Bill H. and I were changing strainers in the chilled water lines. We had 28 mechanical rooms and every one had a strainer in it. These were 6 inch lined under 90 pounds of head pressure and 45 degree water. This was our cooling system for the building.

Bill would close the valves and hand me the tools and a clean strainer. I would open the strainer cylinder, cracking the bolts and letting the pressure die and then open it up and replace the strainer.

We were on our last one of the day. I had removed the old strainer and held my hand out for Bill to give me the clean one. About that time I was hit in the chest by a full stream of 40 degree water under 90 pounds of pressure. I was on a 14 foot ladder and the ladder went flying.

I managed to grab the pipe and was getting slapped around by the water pressure. I was yelling at Bill to close the damn valve. He was looking at me real innocent and asking me if there was a problem. My arms were getting tired and it was a long way down and there was a ladder laying on the floor under me.

Bill was laughing and having a real good time and I was worried about losing my grip. Finally he closed the valve and stood my ladder back up. After that Bill was the one changing the strainers and I was the one on the valve.

For some reason he watched me closely.

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on June 22, 2010, 04:19:01 pm
.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 06, 2010, 11:42:53 pm
Since my recent conversation with mal in IRC I will state this project is Copyright. I will be removing it from this board shortly. To all who have enjoyed it and commented I thank you but I will not have it stolen.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on July 07, 2010, 12:00:32 am
Oh shit... did somebody threaten to steal it? That's utter bullshit! It's your fucking creativity! I hate assholes like that; fuck whoever it was for ruining it for everyone else. It was really generous of you to share it with us, and I've enjoyed reading it. Thank you.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 07, 2010, 12:15:45 am
Oh shit... did somebody threaten to steal it? That's utter bullshit! It's your fucking creativity! I hate assholes like that; fuck whoever it was for ruining it for everyone else. It was really generous of you to share it with us, and I've enjoyed reading it. Thank you.

Thanks Nigel, it is all removed now. I hate people who think pirating is just fine and dandy.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on July 07, 2010, 12:24:41 am
Oh shit... did somebody threaten to steal it? That's utter bullshit! It's your fucking creativity! I hate assholes like that; fuck whoever it was for ruining it for everyone else. It was really generous of you to share it with us, and I've enjoyed reading it. Thank you.

Thanks Nigel, it is all removed now. I hate people who think pirating is just fine and dandy.

What the hell?  Who said they were going to swipe it?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 07, 2010, 12:26:48 am
Oh shit... did somebody threaten to steal it? That's utter bullshit! It's your fucking creativity! I hate assholes like that; fuck whoever it was for ruining it for everyone else. It was really generous of you to share it with us, and I've enjoyed reading it. Thank you.

Thanks Nigel, it is all removed now. I hate people who think pirating is just fine and dandy.

What the hell?  Who said they were going to swipe it?

After a discussion with malvarma in IRC I decided it was just best to remove it. I hate thieves and pirates.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞ on July 07, 2010, 12:47:35 am
It's important to be able to control your creative work, I agree. Considering the conditional terms that some people will temporarily suspend their open season on intellectual property (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=25655.0), I would do the same thing.

However, suppose someone has identical twins, which baby would be the pirated copy?

Blackbeard, please put on your pajamas.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 07, 2010, 12:52:48 am
It's important to be able to control your creative work, I agree. Considering the conditional terms that some people will temporarily suspend their open season on intellectual property (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=25655.0), I would do the same thing.

However, suppose someone has identical twins, which baby would be the pirated copy?

Blackbeard, please put on your pajamas.

The second one out, silly.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on July 07, 2010, 02:22:52 am

However, suppose someone has identical twins, which baby would be the pirated copy?


This is the stupidest argument on the subject brought up yet.  No, really.  This is dumber than Regret's chicken farmer anology.

Just saying.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Captain Utopia on July 07, 2010, 03:31:36 am
So I've been meaning to chew on this thread for a while, but when I sat down to do so this evening I found out that I was just a few hours too late.

The scraps in quotes and google cache have been riveting though, do you have any plans to publish this commercially at some point?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Fujikoma on July 07, 2010, 05:32:43 am
Meet bruno, he likes to bite.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞ on July 07, 2010, 08:09:31 am

However, suppose someone has identical twins, which baby would be the pirated copy?


This is the stupidest argument on the subject brought up yet.  No, really.  This is dumber than Regret's chicken farmer anology.

Just saying.

That's not to be taken seriously—it's a dumb joke.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: LMNO on July 07, 2010, 01:46:49 pm
This is why we can't have nice things.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on July 07, 2010, 03:09:14 pm

However, suppose someone has identical twins, which baby would be the pirated copy?


This is the stupidest argument on the subject brought up yet.  No, really.  This is dumber than Regret's chicken farmer anology.

Just saying.

That's not to be taken seriously—it's a dumb joke.

Oh, sorry.  Sometimes it's hard to tell around here.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 07, 2010, 04:53:53 pm
So I've been meaning to chew on this thread for a while, but when I sat down to do so this evening I found out that I was just a few hours too late.

The scraps in quotes and google cache have been riveting though, do you have any plans to publish this commercially at some point?

Yes, that is why I did what I did here.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 07, 2010, 05:03:13 pm
This is why we can't have nice things.

Sorry, way too much hard living in my story to let some little punk steal it.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: trippinprincezz13 on July 07, 2010, 05:13:33 pm
Sorry to see it go, as I was enjoying the read :(  should this be published elsewhere and/or commercially, I would be interested to check it out again. what I've seen so far flowed very well and kept the reader's (or at least my) attention. Best of luck with this project!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 07, 2010, 05:16:04 pm
Check PM.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 21, 2010, 04:46:04 pm
My wife and I went to Nebraska to visit her daughter and her husband and their first daughter. As they lived close to South Dakota we too a trip to see Mt. Rushmore.

We went through Custer State park which is incredibly beautiful. The animals in the park have the uncontested right-of-way at all times. My wife and I were in the back seat with our grand daughter and it was a very nice day so the windows were all down.

There was a herd of burros in the road so we had to stop and wait for them. The 'wild' animals in the park aren't very wild, probably because the tourists always feed them so the burros were just standing and looking at the car.

We were all looking out the front window at the burros when out of the corner of my eye I saw one walking up to the open window beside our grand daughter. Being me, I remained silent as the burro approached.

I did tap my wife on the arm and now we were both watching. As the burro stuck his head in the window our grand daughter turned her head and her and the burro were rubbing noses.

She let go with one of the most blood curdling screams I have ever heard. My wife and I were helpless with laughter, our daughter was trying to climb in the back seat and her husband was going crazy trying to figure out what was going on. The burro banged his head on the car trying to get away from that scream and by now I couldn't breathe from laughing. My wife and I had tears rolling down our faces, our daughter was mad at us and her husband was still trying to decide what he should so. Our grand daughter was still screaming and the burro was running.

Finally we caught our breath and could tell them what had happened, and we took our grand daughter out of her car seat and got her calmed back down.

Roger turned the AC on and rolled the windows up.

It was a very good trip.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 21, 2010, 06:10:09 pm
The problem with throwing such a big snit is all the work involved in undoing it!   :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on July 21, 2010, 06:13:18 pm
YES!! 

Thanks!  :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 21, 2010, 06:15:41 pm
YES!! 

Thanks!  :D

 :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on July 22, 2010, 06:28:43 am
Yay! The stories are back!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 22, 2010, 03:09:08 pm
Yay! The stories are back!

Yeah, I need to get back in writing mode.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on July 30, 2010, 10:22:03 pm
These stories are so readable, and moreish, that yes, I agree, (not for entirely selfless reasons) you need to get back in writing mode. I'm sure a good publisher will have your hand off for these one day. (If you decide to publish them) I totally understand why you need to protect your work, and I thank you for posting them, but I'll miss these tales greatly when they are gone. 
My good friend from Australia, Eartha, likes your writing very much indeed. (So much, I think she's registered, and may even be lurking right now)

You have a genuine unpretentious flair for telling a tale, and I really hope it can translate into
a commercially successful Book for you. Thanks again.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 31, 2010, 04:17:38 am
These stories are so readable, and moreish, that yes, I agree, (not for entirely selfless reasons) you need to get back in writing mode. I'm sure a good publisher will have your hand off for these one day. (If you decide to publish them) I totally understand why you need to protect your work, and I thank you for posting them, but I'll miss these tales greatly when they are gone. 
My good friend from Australia, Eartha, likes your writing very much indeed. (So much, I think she's registered, and may even be lurking right now)

You have a genuine unpretentious flair for telling a tale, and I really hope it can translate into
a commercially successful Book for you. Thanks again.

Thank you. I should be writing this coming week.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 31, 2010, 04:39:18 am
I owned a construction company in Kansas. It was after a major hail storm and all of us contractors were busy replacing roofs. A tornado had come very close to town and the wind and hail had ruined every roof in town.

I got to the point where I hated roofing. It was all we did for almost 2 months. This story is about an easy roofing job. A nice easy pitch and not many cuts at all.

I always watched the skies when we were working because it was, after all, Kansas. This particular day it was over 100 degrees. It was a very hot summer.

I saw one little cloud in an otherwise clear blue sky. It was tiny! I ignored it and we kept working. All of a sudden i looked up and screamed at the crew to get off of the roof. I turned around to shoot one more nail in a roof vent.

As I turned to get off of the roof I was knocked flat on the roof by wind. I was trying to catch my breath when God showed up. I couldn't get up because of the wind and then it started raining. I don't mean rain. It was horrendous. I couldn't see, i finally had to get up or I would have drowned.

As I sat up with the wind screaming at an incredible pitch, the rain was torrential. I couldn't see over 10 feet and I was getting beat badly by the impact of the rain drops. Then I noticed some roofing paper coming loose by the edge of the roof.

I managed to crawl to the edge dragging my nail gun and was shooting it back down.
I was loosing. Suddenly Mark, one of the crew actually came back up on the roof and started helping me. We were sitting 6 feet apart and couldn't hear each other scream at each other.

Then as soon as it started it stopped. The silence was incredible. Mark and I were sitting there dazed. All of our senses were shutdown from what we had just gone through.

Eventually we could see and hear again. As we sat on the roof we could see large trees down in the middle of the street. The ringing in our ears gradually subsided and we just looked at each other as we sat there realizing what we had just been through.

Mark and I had been on a roof working as a tornado had come through. Then we got the giggles. We were soaked beyond repair. The rest of the crew came out of the garage where they had hole up while it had been going on. They were wide eyed while looking at us and all we could do was laugh because we were still alive.

Then the home owner, a very kind and quiet spoken elderly lady came out of the house screaming at Mark and I for not hiding. I tried to explain that there was no way I could have gotten off of the roof but she wasn't having it.


She brought us towels and we dried off as well as we could. Then the wobbly knees started and we just had to sit down. I called it a day and we went to the bar.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Eartha-ly Delights on July 31, 2010, 08:06:27 am
I'm loving this vignette thing you've got going on. It's perfectly suited to the Boys Own Annual on Bourbon style of tales you're assembling here.Your talent with an economy of words is enviable


And I also think I'm officially stalking you now.

 :oops:
Sorry.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 31, 2010, 04:37:45 pm
I'm loving this vignette thing you've got going on. It's perfectly suited to the Boys Own Annual on Bourbon style of tales you're assembling here.Your talent with an economy of words is enviable


And I also think I'm officially stalking you now.

 :oops:
Sorry.

 :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on July 31, 2010, 06:38:21 pm
Holy mackerel! Sounds like a wild ride. I was sad to see it go and I'm very glad to see it return!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 31, 2010, 09:55:42 pm
Holy mackerel! Sounds like a wild ride. I was sad to see it go and I'm very glad to see it return!

Thanks.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 05, 2010, 08:12:39 pm
It was summer and hot. I was working upstairs at the bar we owned. There were several windows that would not open and I wanted to get a cross breeze to cool the bar down.

I got several opened and was working on the last one. The building was built in the late 1800's so this was the old thin glass.

Finally the window moved and I thought I had it. I was wrong. Again.

As I watched everything seemed to happen in slow motion. The glass shattered. The frame of the window collapsed. A piece of glass about a foot long and perfectly shaped like a dagger fell. It stabbed me in the wrist and stayed there.

I am sure this all happened in seconds but if felt like minutes. I knew the pain would kick in any second and that I had to remove the glass from my wrist before that happened. I grabbed the glass and pulled. It came out very easily.

Followed by regular squirts of blood shooting about 15 feet. I think shock was setting in, as I was fascinated by the blood squirting like that. Then reality came crashing down on me.

I grabbed my wrist as tight as I could, but could not stop the blood. I took off running downstairs to get help. I should have gotten close and yelled for help, but I didn't take time to think things through. My wife was in the kitchen and I went right to her, now just holding my hand over the gush so I didn't contaminate anything.

My wife grabbed my wrist, ran it under cold water and was screaming for someone to call 911. Everyone was frozen in place and not moving.

Then something very strange happened. I quit bleeding. Completely. Not even one more drop.

For a long time we all just stood there and watched, and waited. Nothing happened. We will never know exactly what my wife did to stop the bleeding, but we are glad she did.

More of the unexplained to follow.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 05, 2010, 08:25:16 pm
My first wife and I were on a road trip, just a day trip. It had been along day and I was getting tired.

We were on an Interstate highway and in those days they had to steel delineator posts, not the plastic ones like now that flop down when you hit them.

I was driving a full size conversion van and reached down to get something off of the floor. My wife yelled and I looked up. There was no way I was going to miss that post.

Oh, I tried. I swerved, but I was too close. This was a new van and very expensive. I knew the post wouldn't hurt us, but I also knew it was going to mess up the van pretty bad.

Once again everything went to slow motion. As we were going to make impact I yelled, NO!

Then things got weird. Real weird. My wife and I both watched as the green post with some rust around the top where it had been pounded in came through the van, and her leg and out the door. Without causing any damage whatsoever. Not even a scratch.

I stopped the van and walked back to the post. It looked identical to what we had both seen come through the van, and was standing perfectly upright. Unharmed.

No damage to the van, no damage to my wife, no damage to the post. I don't know what happened, just that something had happened which was very much out of the ordinary.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 05, 2010, 08:27:58 pm
I watched someone cut half of his finger off, with a circular bench saw once. There was about three or four huge squirts of blood, (10 feet+) then a couple of smaller ones, then it stopped completely, and he passed out. I had to find his half finger in the sawdust, &  pack it between two bags of frozen peas, so it could accompany him to the Hospital. (They sewed it back on, but it was always a bit crooked after that)  


Or maybe you just ran out of blood.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 05, 2010, 08:44:46 pm
We were living in a town called Ogden, Kansas which is just outside the gates of Ft. Riley. There were sever storms all over the region so we were all glued to our televisions and radios. This was tornado alley, after all.

Then some horrible news came across the air, Chatman, Ks has just been almost decimated by a tornado. Then our sirens started going off. We were in a tornado warning. My wife and I were on our small porch watching the sky when the neighbors across the street came out of their trailer.

The younger one was very pregnant and her and her mother were both terrified. We lived in a house with a small crawl space so we had them come over. We got the crawl space ready and put the animals in it.

A fire truck was driving around telling everybody to take cover because a tornado was going to hit us. As they saw my wife and myself on our porch with beers they laughed over the intercom and said, "Get back in the house you rednecks!" We laughed and waved back, but we stayed on the porch.

By now the television was out, satellite tv, so we were just listening to the radio. Trained storm spotters had just reported a tornado on the ground, estimated one mole wide, and one mile from Ogden and traveling in excess of 40 miles per hour.

Now we went to the crawl space, got in and secured it as well as we could. The tornado was an F5 and bearing right down on us. The town of Ogden wasn't even a mile wide so the destruction was guaranteed to be complete.

Then everything went perfectly quiet and still. The wind which had been shaking the house simply died. The rain and hail stopped. No thunder was to be heard. This was terrifying.

Then on the radio we heard the tornado had jumped right over us and had hit Manhattan, Ks. where it destroyed several homes and businesses. Wide swaths of trees were just ripped out.

We were very lucky.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 06, 2010, 03:13:06 am
Those last three will need editing, so I will do this before I write any further.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 10, 2010, 05:05:24 pm
We were up hunting and a foot of fresh snow had fallen the night before. Steve was in the truck with me and I found a way to the top of a mountain. It was only about 11,000 feet so the snow wasn't too deep to deal with.

The top of this mountain was like a plateau, nice and flat. I was driving slowly and just making a comment about how pretty it was. My remark was cut short by the right side of the truck dropping about 4 feet.

This was old mining country and there were sink holes everywhere and I had found one. We were hanging in our seatbelts, but at least Steve had the passenger door for support. I reached over and pulled him up so he could undo his seatbelt.

Then I rolled my window down all the way and helped him crawl out. I had to stay where I was because there was no way I could have gotten back in position to drive if I moved.

There was a tree stump just in reach of the winch cable so I told Steve to put the cable around the bottom of the stump. Since the stump was rotten he had to hold it as high as he could reach to help it not get pulled down.

While all of this is going on several thoughts were going through my head. How deep was the sinkhole? Was it going to collapse under the weight of the truck? What if we pulled the stump over instead of pulling the truck out? Oh, well, back to business.

I put the truck in gear and started the winch. It was pretty tricky. The stump made a loud cracking noise, and the truck was moving, but slowly. As the front wheels came out of the hole the truck frame looked really twisted.

The stump was still making groaning noises and if it broke then the truck would fall back in the hole. Finally the entire truck was out of the hole. I was sweating and breathing hard. Steve was grinning.

When Steve reached down to remove the winch cable from the stump, it fell over. Then it all got funny.

Steve walked in front of the truck until I was back in our original tracks coming in, then we went back to camp for the day.

Hunting was always fun.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 10, 2010, 11:58:28 pm
This is one story I am not proud of, but when I stated this book my decision was that I would not spare myself. This is a tale of personal failure and regret.

I was 17 years old and in a bit of trouble with the law. Something, unfortunately, I was accustomed to. My sentence was simple. The judge said I could join the army, or I could go to state school until I turned 18. Without thought I said I would join the army.

So off I went on an army bus from Florida to South Carolina. There were a lot of us, mostly draftees. Vietnam was rocking and the army required cannon fodder.

Some guy with stripes on his uniform was screaming at to bend over and crack a smile. I had no idea what was coming until the finger showed up. Ugh. Then over 100 of us, all naked were marched to get uniforms. It was good to be dressed again, if for no other reason than to protect the rear.

I actually enjoyed basic training. I was at the top of the battallion all the way through. Then we took 'rests' to determine what we could do for the army. Almost every one was sent to infantry. I was sent to Combat Engineering training in Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri.

For those of you who don't know what a combat engineer is, it is someone who builds roads and bridges until a shot is fired, then you are infantry. Glamorous, isn't it?

I was doing very well in training, I enjoyed it. The forced marches, physical training, all of it was second nature.

About halfway through training we all got a weekend pass. Our first. SO 4 of us went together and we had one helluva good time. Evidently too good. We were in Joplin, Missouri, trouble was I woke up in Florida. I don't know how I got there.

Well I was almost to Clearwater, my cousin Ruby on my stepfathers side lived there. We had been a thing and I was already in big trouble, so what the heck. Well she came with me and we went back to Moore Haven, where our thing had started.

I was not happy, and I don't think she was either. I found our old friend network and got her a place to stay. A couple of days later she was in jail for being a runaway. I went to see her and turned myself in. I knew I had screwed up and was determined to face the hangman.

Well, they put me in jail until the army came. The army put me in leg and wrist irons and put me on a bus. We went to Ft. Benning, Ga. I was put in D cell, maximum security. I was confused, after all, i had only gone AWOL and had turned myself in.

Eventually I was sent back to Ft. Leonard Wood and placed in protective custody. I was even more confused. Then it all got cleared up. Some had robbed my buddies blind. It wasn't me, no idea who it was though. I was sent to Joplin, to a civilian jail for 42 days, awaiting trial. There never was any trial, after this I was sent back to Ft. Leonard Wood.

At my Courts Martial they asked me if I wanted to be in the army. The question caught me off guard, and after thinking it over I looked at them and said I honestly didn't know.

I was discharged under general, but honorable conditions. I wonder what would have happened if I had said yes.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Epimetheus on August 11, 2010, 12:57:21 am
I'm really liking these stories. Props to you, Charley (if that's your real name). You've had quite an experience.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 11, 2010, 12:59:01 am
I'm really liking these stories. Props to you, Charley (if that's your real name). You've had quite an experience.

It is my real name.
Thanks, hope you enjoy.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Eartha-ly Delights on August 11, 2010, 02:47:56 am
Oh I knew today was a good day to check in here...and then I find TWO new stories waiting for me.
 :D

A winch is a wonderful thing to have on your side when driving through the wilderness isn't it? Mind you in my neck of the woods when you take off into the hinterlands, you've got to make sure you take enough water to keep you going for the three days it might be before another car comes down the road should you break down...so the winch has to be able to fit in around the 50 litre drums.

Just a side note: You know I have ever understood how one of the intrinsic roles of your Judicial system seems to be to act like a Satellite Recruiting Office for the military.

Smacks a bit of press gangs dunnit? And I imagine it makes quality control in terms of personnel a bit of a rocky road an'' all.

btw: My Uncle fought in Vietnam. According to him you didn't miss much of a party.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsVJ8J1lLBk&feature=related
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Eater of Clowns on August 11, 2010, 02:54:03 am
Still reading every one, Charley.  Still enjoying every one, too.  Thought I should let you know.   :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on August 11, 2010, 03:33:01 am
This thread is amazing. Thank you for sharing your stories, Charley Brown. I got as far as page 9 and will come back for the rest. :D I hope you do get all this published.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 11, 2010, 05:18:34 am
Thanks guys. That last one was rough to write.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Epimetheus on August 11, 2010, 08:30:03 am
Oh, I hope you didn't get the impression that my "I'm enjoying these" referred to the last one or anything - I'd only read the first few pages when I posted that. Didn't mean to sound like a jerk in any way.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 11, 2010, 03:05:58 pm
Oh, I hope you didn't get the impression that my "I'm enjoying these" referred to the last one or anything - I'd only read the first few pages when I posted that. Didn't mean to sound like a jerk in any way.

 :lulz: I didn't take it that way at all.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on August 11, 2010, 04:50:30 pm
Charley Brown!!!!
I love it so much, thank you for sending me the link.... again :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 11, 2010, 06:23:04 pm
Charley Brown!!!!
I love it so much, thank you for sending me the link.... again :D

Thanks, and welcome to PD, old friend.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on August 11, 2010, 06:41:38 pm

At my Courts Martial they asked me if I wanted to be in the army. The question caught me off guard, and after thinking it over I looked at them and said I honestly didn't know.

I was discharged under general, but honorable conditions. I wonder what would have happened if I had said yes.

You might have had your balls blown off in Vietnam.

You entered the service under duress because of a stupid act at a stupid age.  You then did something else that young people do, and got booted out of the service.  Happens all the time.

I've watched very smart, very honorable people step on their dick and get booted.  It happens.  Sometimes it happens when you didn't actually do anything wrong.  That's the military.

As far as saying "I don't know", you were under oath and you told the truth.

I like this series, and I have to admire you for not whitewashing anything.  The Truth can be an ugly thing, but if you try to hide it from yourself, it just festers.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on August 11, 2010, 06:42:20 pm
Charley Brown!!!!
I love it so much, thank you for sending me the link.... again :D

Welcome aboard, Sorch.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 11, 2010, 06:46:19 pm

At my Courts Martial they asked me if I wanted to be in the army. The question caught me off guard, and after thinking it over I looked at them and said I honestly didn't know.

I was discharged under general, but honorable conditions. I wonder what would have happened if I had said yes.

You might have had your balls blown off in Vietnam.

You entered the service under duress because of a stupid act at a stupid age.  You then did something else that young people do, and got booted out of the service.  Happens all the time.

I've watched very smart, very honorable people step on their dick and get booted.  It happens.  Sometimes it happens when you didn't actually do anything wrong.  That's the military.

As far as saying "I don't know", you were under oath and you told the truth.

I like this series, and I have to admire you for not whitewashing anything.  The Truth can be an ugly thing, but if you try to hide it from yourself, it just festers.

Thanks Dok. That is the one and only regret in my life.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on August 11, 2010, 08:10:22 pm
TY for the warm welcome :) 
I haven't had much of a chance yet to go through the rest of the site. But i kinda liked having the status call me a lurker, instead of 'known'  Charley, I'm bored, but thanks to you i have your forum to troll, instead of just my normal outlet to troll you... :D 

j/k ;)

 
   
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 11, 2010, 08:17:15 pm
TY for the warm welcome :)  
I haven't had much of a chance yet to go through the rest of the site. But i kinda liked having the status call me a lurker, instead of 'known'  Charley, I'm bored, but thanks to you i have your forum to troll, instead of just my normal outlet to troll you... :D  

j/k ;)

 
  

 :lulz:

You can troll me anytime. There is an introductions thread in Apple Talk when you're ready.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on August 11, 2010, 09:02:09 pm
Just posted in the introduction prt 3... and was my bratty self  :fnord:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on August 11, 2010, 09:04:32 pm
Just posted in the introduction prt 3... and was my bratty self  :fnord:


The pool is on the roof, and never mind Cramulus.  He's always mean to new people.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 11, 2010, 09:08:10 pm
Just posted in the introduction prt 3... and was my bratty self  :fnord:


The pool is on the roof, and never mind Cramulus.  He's always mean to new people.

Watch out for Dok, he's a dirty old man too.  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on August 11, 2010, 09:15:42 pm
Just posted in the introduction prt 3... and was my bratty self  :fnord:


The pool is on the roof, and never mind Cramulus.  He's always mean to new people.

Watch out for Dok, he's a dirty old man too.  :lulz:

Dirty Old Uncle Roger, that's what they call me.  I am a horrible old lecherous bastard with syphilis worms the size of those things from Tremors, and a bag of assorted retroviruses that melt condoms and stomp the poor woman's chromosomes flat.  Any sane society would have had me cremated alive.

Fortunately, I live in America™, where this sort of nonsense is tolerated.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 11, 2010, 09:17:12 pm
Just posted in the introduction prt 3... and was my bratty self  :fnord:


The pool is on the roof, and never mind Cramulus.  He's always mean to new people.

Watch out for Dok, he's a dirty old man too.  :lulz:

Dirty Old Uncle Roger, that's what they call me.  I am a horrible old lecherous bastard with syphilis worms the size of those things from Tremors, and a bag of assorted retroviruses that melt condoms and stomp the poor woman's chromosomes flat.  Any sane society would have had me cremated alive.

Fortunately, I live in America™, where this sort of nonsense is tolerated.

 :lulz:

Did I mention she likes dirty old men?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on August 11, 2010, 09:24:11 pm
Just posted in the introduction prt 3... and was my bratty self  :fnord:


The pool is on the roof, and never mind Cramulus.  He's always mean to new people.

Watch out for Dok, he's a dirty old man too.  :lulz:

Dirty Old Uncle Roger, that's what they call me.  I am a horrible old lecherous bastard with syphilis worms the size of those things from Tremors, and a bag of assorted retroviruses that melt condoms and stomp the poor woman's chromosomes flat.  Any sane society would have had me cremated alive.

Fortunately, I live in America™, where this sort of nonsense is tolerated.

 :lulz:

Did I mention she likes dirty old men?

Well, then, tell her to prepare to suck her jeans up into her uterus, because Dirty Old Men™ don't come any sexier than me.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on August 11, 2010, 09:53:18 pm
>.< WOW... LOL see what happens, i go to have a smoke break  and i get back to my desk .... errrr....

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on August 11, 2010, 09:55:19 pm
>.< WOW... LOL see what happens, i go to have a smoke break  and i get back to my desk .... errrr....



We're bad people, Sorch, and we inspire others to do bad things.   :sad:

Arguably, though, we can't help ourselves.   :)

Dok,
All CRAZY on Geritol.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on August 11, 2010, 10:17:08 pm
HAHA. riiight..

i don't need help in that department... just ask my mom... after work i get to go talk to her, i guess i did something she doesn't agree with... again... lol  .. 
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Eartha-ly Delights on August 12, 2010, 12:11:38 am
Just posted in the introduction prt 3... and was my bratty self  :fnord:


The pool is on the roof, and never mind Cramulus.  He's always mean to new people.

Watch out for Dok, he's a dirty old man too.  :lulz:

Dirty Old Uncle Roger, that's what they call me.  I am a horrible old lecherous bastard with syphilis worms the size of those things from Tremors, and a bag of assorted retroviruses that melt condoms and stomp the poor woman's chromosomes flat.  Any sane society would have had me cremated alive.

Fortunately, I live in America™, where this sort of nonsense is tolerated.

 :lulz:

Did I mention she likes dirty old men?


Charley! And here was me thinking I was your only stalker! Why you sly old fox you...you've a veritable virtual harem out there haven't you?
 :lulz:

And I agree with the venerable Doktor Howl. You did nothing dishonourable or underhanded. All 17 year old boys are lead around by their dicks. Putting children in uniform and telling them they have ti kill people they've never met...now THAT is morally suspect.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 12, 2010, 01:08:08 am
Just posted in the introduction prt 3... and was my bratty self  :fnord:


The pool is on the roof, and never mind Cramulus.  He's always mean to new people.

Watch out for Dok, he's a dirty old man too.  :lulz:

Dirty Old Uncle Roger, that's what they call me.  I am a horrible old lecherous bastard with syphilis worms the size of those things from Tremors, and a bag of assorted retroviruses that melt condoms and stomp the poor woman's chromosomes flat.  Any sane society would have had me cremated alive.

Fortunately, I live in America™, where this sort of nonsense is tolerated.

 :lulz:

Did I mention she likes dirty old men?


Charley! And here was me thinking I was your only stalker! Why you sly old fox you...you've a veritable virtual harem out there haven't you?
 :lulz:

And I agree with the venerable Doktor Howl. You did nothing dishonourable or underhanded. All 17 year old boys are lead around by their dicks. Putting children in uniform and telling them they have ti kill people they've never met...now THAT is morally suspect.

 :lulz:

Yeah, I'm a regular James Bond!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on August 12, 2010, 03:35:17 pm
hahha James Bond? 

Your funny Charley
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on August 12, 2010, 04:06:42 pm
hahha James Bond? 

Your funny Charley

Well, he does kinda look like Sean Connery gone bad.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on August 12, 2010, 05:58:09 pm
hell.. if more old men sounded like Sean Connery i might like creepy old men. LOL
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on August 12, 2010, 06:12:53 pm
*tapping foot waiting for my fav. peanuts character to make another post for us to read*
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 13, 2010, 02:23:11 am
hell.. if more old men sounded like Sean Connery i might like creepy old men. LOL

Dammit, I am a man, not a machine!

(shameless star trek rip off)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on August 13, 2010, 03:09:15 am
hell.. if more old men sounded like Sean Connery i might like creepy old men. LOL

Dammit, I am a man, not a machine!

(shameless star trek rip off)

I'm a machine.

A love machine <--- Cheesy Mexican accent
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 13, 2010, 04:07:41 am
Did someone say "Shameless Star Trek rip off ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3OQP0JN_JI&feature=related
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 13, 2010, 04:36:12 am
hell.. if more old men sounded like Sean Connery i might like creepy old men. LOL

Dammit, I am a man, not a machine!

(shameless star trek rip off)

I'm a machine.

A love machine <--- Cheesy Mexican accent

Horn Dog.

You missed me ripping ENKI a new one in IRC tonight.  :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 13, 2010, 04:39:05 am
Was it bigger and wider than the old one?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 13, 2010, 04:41:45 am
Was it bigger and wider than the old one?

At least twice as big.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 13, 2010, 04:54:28 am
Did he thank you when it was done?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 13, 2010, 04:56:50 am
Did he thank you when it was done?

Oh, hell no.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 13, 2010, 04:59:39 am
He might not thank you, but he'll come running back for more!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Triple Zero on August 13, 2010, 07:58:35 am
hell.. if more old men sounded like Sean Connery i might like creepy old men. LOL

Dammit, I am a man, not a machine!

(shameless star trek rip off)

DID SOMEONE SAY MAN MACHINE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3T65NpyfPkQ) (http://a.imageshack.us/img716/8725/orangegrin.png)

(live minimum maximum version has the best v0c0d0r)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 13, 2010, 10:32:54 am
hell.. if more old men sounded like Sean Connery i might like creepy old men. LOL

Dammit, I am a man, not a machine!

(shameless star trek rip off)

DID SOMEONE SAY MAN MACHINE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3T65NpyfPkQ) (http://a.imageshack.us/img716/8725/orangegrin.png)

(live minimum maximum version has the best v0c0d0r)
Did we fight and win TWO World Wars, just so the bloody Germans could come up with
Kraftwerk? They weren't even TRYING to be clever, and they did THIS. 1978 for Christs sake! 3 Bleeps, a MiniMoog, and a gram of Ketamine, and they GAVE BIRTH to Electronik Music! Just like that!
"Hey, Ralf, pass me dat, what yousay? MEENIMOOG?"
"Ookay  Flori, eet all lookz veery complik8ed, Nice Treads, by ze vay, D00d"
"Tank you, Ralfi, Rack up sum moar off zat K, letz freek some Heepeez out"

And by the middle of the afternoon, it was done. Everything from Eat Static, to Hawkwind, Acid House Partys to Superclubs, Alien Sex Fiend, to Steven bloody Hawking!
In 1978, we were still fapping off to Prog Rock, or watching McClaren sticking safety pins into pale skinny junkies and thinking THAT was cool! Bloody Germany, and their Wunderkinds!   

"Ya tvoi slooga"  "Ya tvoi rabotnik"
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Triple Zero on August 13, 2010, 10:58:08 am
...

did you just step on both Kraftwerk and Eat Static?

tell me you didn't step.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 13, 2010, 11:03:57 am
Only a litle bit, . . . . . . .Does this make up for it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xraBpciNVkQ
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 21, 2010, 08:15:37 pm
After leaving the army, I went back to Florida. Shortly after that a buddy and I decided to thumb our way around the country. In those days people actually picked up hitch hikers.

We were somewhere in South Carolina and it had started raining. We were huddled under an overhang at a closed gas station. A policeman stopped and asked what we were doing and we explained. He offered to let us sleep in the jail overnight, and we took him up on it.

But not without some reservations, as our backpacks had some things in them we really didn't want to share with the police. So we got in the car and off we went. They took our backpacks and put them in storage and led us to a nice dry cell. We got a good nights sleep and went on our way the next morning complete with backpacks.

Today this would be a very different story as things have changed so much, and for the worse.

A couple of days later we met a guy our age and he let us sleep in an old playhouse in the back yard. His dad came out and met us and we all talked for a while. Nice family.

We made it to Madison, Wisconsin where it became more and more difficult to get a ride going north. This was because so many young men were going to Canada to avoid the draft.

We met a hippie chick and she took us to her house where we waited for her husband to come home. Then we all hitched to a friend of theirs house. It turns out he was a 'chemist', which in those days meant he manufactured drugs.

He had just made a new batch of acid and asked if we would mind trying it. Of course we didn't mind. My buddy  and I were tripping our asses off and all of us, about 20, were sitting on this big front porch listening to music.

The cops came and told us we had to turn the music down. Now, everybody there was stoned, and there were drugs just laying around. My buddy and I were freaking out, but everybody else was very calm. The cops were friendly, and once the music was turned down they just left.

The rest of the acid trip for both us went badly after that because we had gotten so freaked out. We left Madison the next day headed back south.

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 21, 2010, 08:54:06 pm
We made it back to Sanford, Florida without any further incident. These two girls picked us up and we went home with them. That first night was a lot of fun and the next night we switched partners.

The one I was with the second night wasn't exactly a girl, she was 10 years older than me, but what the hell, right? She had three kids, all in Kentucky visiting their father.

A couple of days later my buddy moved on, but I stayed. I got a job and was starting to settle down a little. I switched jobs a few times, and then one of the neighbors offered me a job surveying. I took it, and stayed with this one. I mean, it was the swamp job, after all!

So Raelene and I stayed together, and we went to Kentucky to get her kids, The oldest wanted to stay there but we brought the other two back home. Kim was 5 and Rick was 7. After the normal adjustment period we all got along pretty good.

About a year later we were on our way to visit Granny, in Georgia. There was a town on the way that had a little booth on the front lawn of the court house to get marriage blood tests. For some reason Raelene and I looked at each other and we stopped. The blood tests took about 15 minutes, then we walked over to the court house and got the marriage license. Then we went into a judges office and he looked at me, then the two kids, then Raelene and then he performed the ceremony.

The town was Folkston, and this was their main attraction, I guess.

Everybody told me I was crazy and that it wouldn't last. They were right, because 25 years later I got tired of the way I was being treated and left her. I left her in good shape, a house worth over $300,000 that was almost paid off, a flourishing bar and grill that was making money right and left, and a new SUV.

Basically I walked out on almost $600,000. All I wanted from her was for her to sign the divorce papers.

At the divorce the judge told her he thought I should be required to pay her alimony. My mouth fell open, all I had taken from 25 years was most of my personal possessions. Raelene saw the look on my face and quickly decided that it wasn't a good idea.

Now I had my girlfriend with me, and  she wasn't my girlfriend until after I had left Raelene and accepted the finality of it. The judge then turned to me and started chewing me out about bringing "This...woman, for whatever she is to these proceedings...."

I was pissed. I stood up and said I had something to say. He slammed the recorder off and jumped up yelling about these proceedings were over. Wrong move. I walked toward him and yelled "Kevin!"

He froze, turned and sat back down. Then I walked to the bench where my ex was. I pointed to her boyfriend, our daughter, two employees of hers, and looked at Kevin, the judge, and said "what the hell is the difference here?"

I was fun to watch the reality spread over his face. Terri and I then left.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 21, 2010, 09:15:49 pm
Terri had worked for me for a time when I owned the bar and grill. And her husband, and her son. We had become best friends, and then Raelene threw one of her infamous fits and fired her, after we argued about it. As usual I lost the argument.

They would still come in the bar after that so we stayed friends. One night Raelene has taken a drunk home. When she came back it was after hours and Terri had brought her dog in. Now my bar was 20 feet long, I was at one end kneeling down petting the dog. Terri was standing at the other end of the bar talking to someone.

Raelene was screaming about catching me looking at Terris' tits. Everybody still there was utterly confused. All I could do was ask what the hell she was talking about. Then Raelene started throwing glass ashtrays at me and hitting me.

This cleared the bar out rather quickly, but then again they had all seen this kind of thing before. I was sitting in my truck, still confused and wondering where the hell I was going to go. Terri and her husband came back and offered me a place to stay. I took it.

I got a job painting and was staying with them. No one knew where I was, because it was much safer that way. We all went down to Texas to visit Terris' family, and stayed about a week.

When we got back to town we went to a bar, not my former bar, and the very first thing I was told, by the bar owner, that the rumor was her and I were a thing and she was pregnant. I had had nothing to do with a woman, because I wasn't sure it was really over between Raelene and I.

Then I heard there was a national missing persons report out on me. This really pissed me off so I went to the county sheriff office and (poor officer) threw my ID at her and screamed at her is that me? Once I calmed down she said it was indeed me, and they would remove the missing person report.

Then she said the police from the next town over wanted to see me. I told her if they wanted to see me then they damn well knew where I was. So she called then and a female officer drove right over, it was only 12 miles. They took all of my personal items and took me in the back for an interview.

It took me about 3 minutes to realize I was going to be accused of abuse. Now I was pissed again. I stood up and loudly began telling my story of the abuse I had received for over 20 years, that I had never raised a hand to Raelene and that I was sick and tired of this shit and that I was leaving.

The officer, looked at me, handed me my stuff back, and with a very different attitude told me that I needed to contact her if any of it ever happened again. I told her there wouldn't be another time, as I was now done.

She wanted to know where I was staying and I refused to tell her. She asked how she could get in contact with me if she needed to. I told her to leave a message with the bar in Kiowa. She accepted that and I was on my way.



Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 21, 2010, 09:51:14 pm
I had been staying with Terri and her family a few weeks by now. One day her son came home and wanted to talk to her. I asked if I should leave, since we were in the living room watching TV. He said no, and then he told her he was moving to Ft. Collins, with his brother.

After they talked it over for a while Terri said, if you're leaving, then so am I. It got real quiet and I wanted to melt under the carpet. I did get up and go outside so they could talk it over.

Well, she did move out. I tried to stay there a while, but two recently single men, both with issues over it, in the same house wasn't a good fit. A buddy of mine had a spare room he was willing to rent out so I went there.

I had no idea where Terri was until we saw each other in the bar one night a little over a week later. Her other best friend, Brenda was living in Limon and she had gone there. She told me about this crappy little trailer she had rented and all the work it needed.

Since I had over 25 years experience in maintenance I offered to come out and work on it. She accepted and she was right, it needed a lot of work. I didn't mind though, like I said, she was my best friend.

I was driving about 120 miles a day to work on her trailer and keep my job, painting the lines on the roads. I was getting pretty tired and so was my car. We were having lunch one day at a local Flying J and we saw they had a help wanted sigh out.

Terri is a chef, and the best damn line cook you have ever seen, and I wasn't too shabby myself. So we filled out applications and the Gm came out to interview us. We had applied for cook jobs, but he offered us both management positions and we took them.

Somewhere in all of this I fell in love with Terri. I drove back to Kiowa and told her husband that I was going to make him a one time offer. I said I will put my hands in my back pockets, and you have one free shot at me, but I am asking Terri out. He refused to take the shot and just begged me not to. I refused.

So we dated, moved in together, her divorce was finalized, and life was pretty good. We got married and this past June we celebrated our 10th anniversary, and we are still very much in love and still very happy.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 23, 2010, 04:43:14 pm
Serendipity + Honourable actions, seldom works out badly. Good on you Mate, that hands in the back pocket thing, gave you both a clean slate, with the risk of getting punched out, the worst that could happen. And if a Woman isn't worth risking getting a slap for, then why the Hell would you want to be with her?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on August 23, 2010, 04:50:27 pm
I read this pretty much as you posted it, and have been wondering what to say about it for the last day or two. Other than, "wow, you stuck that out, didn't you?" and that I'm glad you got out of there ok, of course.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 23, 2010, 07:06:30 pm
Thanks guys, The story continues at EB&G under Al A Carte.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on August 23, 2010, 07:14:25 pm
Thanks guys, The story continues at EB&G under Al A Carte.

Oh, come on, Charley, you know that I know that you know you'll be posting more here.

Don't be so upset.  That's my job, and I guarantee I'll fucking file a greivance.  You really want the union stewart up your arse?  No, didn't think so.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: the last yatto on August 24, 2010, 07:01:50 am
CB, You can remove the 'wannabe' from your title. You are a good writer.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 24, 2010, 04:54:22 pm
It was a beautiful winter day in the mountains. There was no snow on the ground, but there was a good hard frost. Sunup was about 30 minutes away and I was walking to a place I wanted to sit and hunt from.

Now where we hunted had a beautiful long valley nestled between mountains on either side. The place was just south of South Park Valley.

I got to the place I had in mind and just stood watching the pre-dawn light filter in. As I was watching the sun just started coming up over the mountains on the other side of the valley.

The air was crystal clear, there was no wind and only the sounds of the woods to hear. When the light from the sun hit the ground around me it looked like I was standing in a field of diamonds. I could see my breath hanging on the air.

The animals started coming to life and the frost was slowly melting, causing the sparkling diamond field to shift and change.

On rare occasions in our lives we have the opportunity to witness pure perfection. This was one of those days. I felt the tears streaming down my face as I stood, stunned by what I was seeing.

I wept without shame and longed for those few fleeting moments to return. Slowly I came to know that forever in my memory that this time would live, and in times of darkness would help to lift me from despair.

I hope with all my heart that each of you can have such a moment in your lives.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on August 24, 2010, 05:27:02 pm
Yay!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on August 24, 2010, 05:34:28 pm
Nice!

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 24, 2010, 05:51:27 pm
Let me tell you about Colorado. It has everything for the outdoors people. Mountains, plains, whitewater, tourist traps.

Now let me tell you about my Colorado. The Colorado you really have to look for because there is nothing on any map that says, "This is one of the most beautiful spots you have ever seen".

My Colorado is in a place well off of the beaten path. A place where if you want a meal you are going to have to eat at a mom-pop diner. You are going to have to sit next to real people, hardy people.

You may even have to listen to stories about the bear that was in the restaurant dumpster last night. Maybe stories about elk hunting or fishing.

This is a place you are going to have to drive to, where you may only see another car every half hour or so. Two lane roads that are weather beaten from the mountain winters. Houses and business that just might need a coat of paint from a howling north winter wind that can drive snow and sleet at 50 miles an hour.

Places three of 4 hours from Denver, headed westerly. You will have to drive through pristine valleys with majestic mountains all around you. Many with snow on the top of them even in August.

The streams are so clear you can see the bottom perfectly, and natural alpine lakes it takes a 4-wheel drive vehicle to get to. Yes, you can even see the bottom of the lakes.

Be sure to take winter clothes, even in the summer. See, when the old wind comes over the top of a Thirteener it is a bit crisp. At night you will need warm clothes anyway, it can get down to 50 degrees, even if it was 80 during the day.

Let's say you find one of the places in my Colorado. You see the sign announcing the land is BLM land. (Bureau of Land Management) There are dirt roads, (again 4-wheel drive is highly desirable) and if you open a gate, you better close it behind you.

Cattle ranchers lease the land from BLM for grazing. Oh, during hunting season they move them to private land, but in the summer they use the gaze.

Patience, we are getting there.
  Now you take one of those little dirt roads. You find yourself in a Quakie (Aspen) grove. They are called Quakies because even the mildest breeze will cause the leaves to 'quake'. It's almost beyond description, being in one of these grove of trees. Everything is green (in the summer) and the trees muffle external sounds.

If you stop to listen you will hear birds of all kinds, squirrels barking and chattering, the wind in the Aspen trees. If you are very lucky you can hear deer or elk.

Then as you drive on, always going up, you will pass through black timber. Lush, thick evergreens trees. The sound gets even more muffled.

Suddenly you break out of the timber and you have to remember to breathe. As you reach the open a vista opens up in front of you that goes on for miles.

You will see Aspen groves, streams, black timber and always mountains close and in the distance. I would stop here for a while. My realization of my own insignificance would gently caress me at these times. Like a cruel lover, but you want her to caress you.

Here is a good place to possibly set up camp. You are pretty sure there are no cattle in this area, so your tents should be safe. Be careful to not leave any food out. Remember, his isn't the safe city.

Coyotes or even bears might find you interesting if they smell food. So keep everything wrapped up in sealable containers. Be sure to not leave any clothing out overnight for obvious reasons.

Stop long enough before to allow your engine to cool completely before dark. If you don't then little animals will crawl on it, and they love to chew electrical wires and you may be stranded. That brings us to one of the principle rules, never drive anyplace you can't walk back out of.

It could be weeks before anyone else comes where you are. Respect the land. Take only pictures, leave only footprints. You ca almost always find a firepit someone else has made. Use it instead of making another one.

Never use rocks from the streambed to make a fire ring. See, they are porous and filled with moisture and will explode when they get hot. Never drink from the streams. If an animal has died in it upstream you will carry bad things inside you the rest of your life. 

If you walk in the streams wear sneakers. Trust me. If the water is moving very fast and over knee deep, don't go in it.

This is My Colorado, and one day I will return to that seductive and cruel lover, because I can't get enough of her.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 24, 2010, 07:03:45 pm
I was still with my first wife and we were living in Denver, Colorado. We had bought an AMC Pacer station wagon, please, I know, I lost the fight again. The rear glass had been removed and replaced with panels. Panels painted in a yellow moonscape.

Remember, I said I wasn't going to spare myself when writing.

The Denver Police all had the Blue Flu and they had pulled cops out of the academy to put them on the streets.

Raelene and I were in the middle of a big fight, which I was losing, as usual. Well, behind me a cop had turned on his lights to pull me over. I was already mad, and this wasn't helping.

So I found a place to pull over and was waiting impatiently for him to come up to the car. After a few seconds I got out of the car and stormed back to his car, slammed my hands on the top of and screamed "What the hell do you want".

At exactly that moment his radio responded to "Approach driver with extreme care, considered armed and dangerous." Many time in my life I have had to restrain from laughing, but none was nor will ever be more difficult than this time.

He visibly swallowed, and with very large eyes said I couldn't see out my back window. Did I mention I am not a patient man? I screamed that of course I couldn't see out of it because the damn thing was wood.

He, in a shaky voice told me that was illegal. Now I was pissed again. I asked him what the hell he thought the rear view mirrors on the sides of my car were for and questioned if he, in fact, should be driving a police car if he didn't know the difference between a car and a van.

He was getting a little pale by now and still hadn't gotten out of his car. Well, he took the opening and asked if it was classified as a van, I just shook my head mumbling and went back to my car and left.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 24, 2010, 08:22:12 pm
I have been to America, briefly, (Seattle) and ever since, I have had no particular urge to ever visit again. Not because it wasn't beautiful, (it was) but there just seemed to be so many other places that I would rather go (given the choice) Maybe New Orleans, that always souinded nice, but you have just put Colorado right up my list. I read this, then dug up some old Nat Geo pages, and it's, like pristine! It looks like all the best bits of all those old scenic Westerns, (Jimmy Stewart, Randolph Scott, Lee Van Cleef, Robert Mitchum) You could seriously believe that you were the first human to set foot in some of those mountain lakes, and forests.
And the fishing! I fished for steelheads, dolly vardens, and chinooks in BC, always wanted to catch me a Musky Pike too. (Never did) And these lakes and rivers have the same sort of look about them. . It must be a Rocky Mountain thing. But yeah, this seriously changed my mind about America. For a parochial Brit, Oregon IS the American Dream, unsullied by MacDonalds, empty beer cans, and about as far removed from WDC as you could get. Yeehaw, cook me up a passel o' grits, while I unpack the mules, and break out the sippin' whiskey!  Loving it, keep 'em rollin out like this Mate, and you'll have a new diaspora of settlers heading for the hills.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 24, 2010, 08:38:46 pm
I have been to America, briefly, (Seattle) and ever since, I have had no particular urge to ever visit again. Not because it wasn't beautiful, (it was) but there just seemed to be so many other places that I would rather go (given the choice) Maybe New Orleans, that always souinded nice, but you have just put Colorado right up my list. I read this, then dug up some old Nat Geo pages, and it's, like pristine! It looks like all the best bits of all those old scenic Westerns, (Jimmy Stewart, Randolph Scott, Lee Van Cleef, Robert Mitchum) You could seriously believe that you were the first human to set foot in some of those mountain lakes, and forests.
And the fishing! I fished for steelheads, dolly vardens, and chinooks in BC, always wanted to catch me a Musky Pike too. (Never did) And these lakes and rivers have the same sort of look about them. . It must be a Rocky Mountain thing. But yeah, this seriously changed my mind about America. For a parochial Brit, Oregon IS the American Dream, unsullied by MacDonalds, empty beer cans, and about as far removed from WDC as you could get. Yeehaw, cook me up a passel o' grits, while I unpack the mules, and break out the sippin' whiskey!  Loving it, keep 'em rollin out like this Mate, and you'll have a new diaspora of settlers heading for the hills.

I love Colorado, and not to worry, most people will never dare to venture where I am talking about.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 24, 2010, 09:03:23 pm
Sometimes while driving in the mountains off road a mistake is made.

I had an idea. Sad

My 4-wheel drive truck was real rough on the outside. Mechanically I kept it in top condition, because I used it for hunting.

There was a couple of feet of fresh show and there was this one spot......, well, here comes my idea. My truck was rigged for this kind of thing. I had great tires, off road chains for all 4 tires, a winch, chainsaw, axe, handyman jack, the whole deal.

So my son and I were driving up this hill to get to this spot. It was very steep and getting steeper. Suddenly all I could see was sky. I couldn't even see the tops of the mountains, and I couldn't stop. If I stopped I could lose traction and we were on a hogback, a narrow hogback. If we started sliding backwards we would go over the side, it was only about a hundred feet, but the truck would roll for sure.

So my son rolled his window down and sat on the edge of the door to spot for me. He was giving me directions, left a little, no too much, there, right, back left, OH SHIT.

Now I really didn't want to hear that because all Could see was still sky.

HARD RIGHT!! CRANK IT. CRANK IT, DAMMIT!

I was cranking it. The power steering box was squealing like a blue norther. Rick was yelling for me to keep it hard right, and I sure was.

Suddenly the front of the truck went back to level and Rick sat back down in the seat, sweating in spite if it being 13 degrees.

Now that I could see the road and that we were still on it I remembered to breathe. I stopped and we went back to look at what had just happened. The road followed the hogback, perfectly.

It was a long way down. We were both still sweating, and then it dawned on us this was probably the only way out. That's the way most of the logging and hunting roads work.

Well after all the squealing from the power steering box and Rick yelling there was no sense in even trying to hunt the spot, but I was not quite ready for the trip back. e drove on up the road and sure enough, back was the only way.

After about an hour we got the courage to return, but it was easy as I could see the road going down. We never went there again.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 24, 2010, 10:41:52 pm
I have been to America, briefly, (Seattle) and ever since, I have had no particular urge to ever visit again. Not because it wasn't beautiful, (it was) but there just seemed to be so many other places that I would rather go (given the choice) Maybe New Orleans, that always souinded nice, but you have just put Colorado right up my list. I read this, then dug up some old Nat Geo pages, and it's, like pristine! It looks like all the best bits of all those old scenic Westerns, (Jimmy Stewart, Randolph Scott, Lee Van Cleef, Robert Mitchum) You could seriously believe that you were the first human to set foot in some of those mountain lakes, and forests.
And the fishing! I fished for steelheads, dolly vardens, and chinooks in BC, always wanted to catch me a Musky Pike too. (Never did) And these lakes and rivers have the same sort of look about them. . It must be a Rocky Mountain thing. But yeah, this seriously changed my mind about America. For a parochial Brit, Oregon IS the American Dream, unsullied by MacDonalds, empty beer cans, and about as far removed from WDC as you could get. Yeehaw, cook me up a passel o' grits, while I unpack the mules, and break out the sippin' whiskey!  Loving it, keep 'em rollin out like this Mate, and you'll have a new diaspora of settlers heading for the hills.

Look for Villa Grove, Colorado. It's just a wide spot in the road.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 25, 2010, 12:12:20 am
Wicked! Mountains to the East, mountains to the West, then a whole nother bunch of Mountains to the North! And those woods look a fair old size too! A Bloke could get lost out there without Google maps. You zoom out, and theres just more and more of it! And a River really does run through it. But "Ronald Reagan" Highway? 
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on August 25, 2010, 01:14:07 am
I've been thinking about visiting my family in Colorado, which would include my grandmother and her husband, who live in a little town in Your Colorado. I think I will visit next summer. You've made me miss it.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 25, 2010, 01:23:12 am
I've been thinking about visiting my family in Colorado, which would include my grandmother and her husband, who live in a little town in Your Colorado. I think I will visit next summer. You've made me miss it.

Take pictures.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 25, 2010, 01:23:36 am
I miss it, and I only spent an hour on Google maps!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 25, 2010, 01:26:52 am
Villa Grove is where we hunted every year.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on August 25, 2010, 01:34:08 am
I've been thinking about visiting my family in Colorado, which would include my grandmother and her husband, who live in a little town in Your Colorado. I think I will visit next summer. You've made me miss it.

Take pictures.
Of course!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on August 25, 2010, 04:35:46 am
Caught up again.

Charley, I'm really loving your stuff, and I'm glad that you're still posting it here.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on August 25, 2010, 05:16:48 pm
Charley...

Thank you again!! :D i love reading your stuff. you are great. (i totally agree with the need to take wannabe off your name tag).. now if i can just my story to sound that good, i wouldn't be freaking out that i'd never be able to find an agent or a publisher :P  I'd buy your book Charley :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 25, 2010, 05:27:10 pm
Charley...

Thank you again!! :D i love reading your stuff. you are great. (i totally agree with the need to take wannabe off your name tag).. now if i can just my story to sound that good, i wouldn't be freaking out that i'd never be able to find an agent or a publisher :P  I'd buy your book Charley :D

Thanks Hon!

I am not actually writing a book, I am telling stories that hopefully will make a book.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 25, 2010, 05:27:33 pm
Caught up again.

Charley, I'm really loving your stuff, and I'm glad that you're still posting it here.

 :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on August 25, 2010, 05:35:56 pm
well either way charley... you are a fabulous story teller... why do you think i liked going to break with you? :P Well between your stories, and being able to say something off color that would calm me down from the ledge were i wanted to scream obscenities at the next stupid customer to come across my phone, so in a sense... i owe the fact that i STILL work there to you... wait... i should say blame you.. ;)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 25, 2010, 05:40:01 pm
well either way charley... you are a fabulous story teller... why do you think i liked going to break with you? :P Well between your stories, and being able to say something off color that would calm me down from the ledge were i wanted to scream obscenities at the next stupid customer to come across my phone, so in a sense... i owe the fact that i STILL work there to you... wait... i should say blame you.. ;)

 :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Eve Hill on August 27, 2010, 07:19:43 am
Just finished reading the whole thread. Love the way you write! If you decide to publish, I'd def buy a copy. :-)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 27, 2010, 04:33:23 pm
Just finished reading the whole thread. Love the way you write! If you decide to publish, I'd def buy a copy. :-)

Thanks Eve, I appreciate it.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 28, 2010, 07:30:13 pm
Due to some recent conversation, I have been asked to write about some of the encounters with ghosts I have experienced. Just remember, you asked for it.

We will start in Elizabeth, Colorado at the Running Creek Grill, which I owned. It was in a building built in the late 1800's. Now, I can't say this with certainty, but it seems to me that ghosts like kitchens. Terri had worked for the previous owner, and was now working for me. The following incidents occurred both before and after my time here.

Originally the building had been a house, situated right on the center of town on Highway 86. It was the typical wood frame 2 story building with a small cramped basement. It has been well maintained over the years and it still in use today as a restaurant. Last time I was there Buffalo Boyds owned it and was doing well. They made the best Monte Cristo sandwich, but back to the story.

The ghost at Running Creek was for the most part a playful little thing, a prankster. For some unknown reason we felt this ghost was a young boy. After doing some historical research we discovered there had been a 12 year old boy at around the turn of the century who was rumored to have been locked in the basement and starved to death.

Most of the things that happened were when we were busy. He wasn't shy at all. For instance one day at the peak of the rush, a stack of 20 or so to go containers flew off of the top shelf all the way across the kitchen. We just said, Oh, hi Chris. We called him Chris for lack of a better name.

Terri was running the grill and I was plating, and I held a plate out to her so she could put the eggs on it. As soon as she did my hand was slapped hard enough to send the plate flying up in the air. I yelled REFIRE FOR TABLE 10, and we recooked the meal. I could have sworn I heard a giggle.

These are just a couple examples of too many to tell. Things would move, disappear and reappear. We were always being kind of pushed and touched.

I almost lost an employee one day. She was alone in the dish room and I was cooking. I heard an ear piercing scream and took off to find out what was wrong. She was up against the wall, her eyes were huge and she looked terrified. It took her a few moments to tell me what had happened. She has been scrubbing pots and some had put a hand on her back and pushed gently, when she turned no one was there and she was pushed again.

Once I quit laughing I told her what had happened, then spent 30 minutes talking her out of quitting. From then on, everyone I hired was told up front about Chris.

Chris did have another side though. If he liked you, then all was good, but if he didn't you had to be careful.

A vendor was in the kitchen yelling because he was in a bad mood. Chris didn't like yelling or anger. There was a stack of dinner plates on the shelf and they started flying at the vendor, one at a time, until the stack was gone. That one cost me some good money to replace them.

Terri was his favorite, I think but he liked me as well. Probably because we spent the most time in the kitchen and we would talk to him.

One of my cooks was pitching a fit one day and he was pushed down the steep stairs into the basement. He wasn't hurt badly, but it was a lesson in anger management.

Raelene was behind the bar, we were packed as usual, and I had several bottles on a shelf so the customers could see what we carried. She was yelling at me again and the bottles flew off of the shelf, all hitting Raelene, then the floor.

Raelene was upstairs in the office and was in one of her moods. She was alone and the door slammed shut. We were busy and no one could hear her screaming. She couldn't get the door open, and it was 2 hours before we slowed down enough to hear her. Then the door opened. I liked Chris.

These are just a few of the highlights. There was some kind of activity on almost a daily basis.


Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on August 28, 2010, 07:40:41 pm
Hmm, Chris seemed kind of like an annoyance more than amusing, but the end there made me like him. Poor little fellow, though. I'm surprised he ended up being like that. I would have expected him to be wrathful.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 28, 2010, 07:46:07 pm
Well, his demise was word of mouth rumor history. We tracked down an ancient and listened to her talk.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on August 28, 2010, 07:47:26 pm
Still, if it's true. Poor guy.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on August 28, 2010, 08:14:07 pm
Charley, that was awesome- looking forward to the possibility of more weird shit  :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 28, 2010, 08:18:22 pm
Charley, that was awesome- looking forward to the possibility of more weird shit  :D

Thanks, and yes, more to come.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 29, 2010, 12:22:24 am
Terri and I were living in a Victorian in Elizabeth, built around the turn of the century. It was a beautiful house and it's best feature was the sun room where the back porch used to be. We would sit in the morning and have our coffee there.

It was a typical 2 story from the era and had an unusually large living room for a Victorian. Terri and I were sitting in the living room watching television. Our two cats an our dog, as always were sitting there with us.

Suddenly a woman was walking across the living room and Terri, me and all of the animals watched her. She went into the bathroom. It was a small bathroom, one way in, one way out. I jumped up and ran in the bathroom to find out what was going on. No one was in there. Just me.

I went back to the living room and Terri asked me who it was. I told her nobody was there. We lust looked at each other and went back to watching television. After all, this wasn't our first rodeo.

The next day Terri went to do the laundry. Our dog followed her everywhere she went. Except to that basement. The dog sat at the top of the stairs just growling with her hair standing on end. There was no one down there, we checked.

A few days later I was taking a shower and a gentle caressing hand gently rubbed my back. Being a reasonable human being and startled I screamed and spun around. You guessed it. No one was there.

One afternoon Terri and I were doing what married people will do. Our bedroom was upstairs. At a critical moment something very cold touched my anus. Terris' head almost went through the wall. I tried to apologize but was assured there was no need. Unknown to me during our activities our puppy had jumped up on the bed and got curious. If there had been no logical explanation for this happening we would have moved the next day.

We saw the woman several more times but we were never touched again, and she didn't eat much so we decided to just let her stay.

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 29, 2010, 12:25:06 am
Terri is going to kill me.  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 29, 2010, 01:47:39 am
I presume very cold thing was the puppy's nose?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 29, 2010, 02:02:03 am
I presume very cold thing was the puppy's nose?


Oh, yeah.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 29, 2010, 02:10:00 am
Bad, scary, cold, wet unexpected puppy nose.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 29, 2010, 04:54:36 am
Terri didn't kill me!  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 29, 2010, 05:07:43 am
Being immortal is so time consuming. means staying alive despite getting killed from time to time.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 29, 2010, 05:24:11 am
Being immortal is so time consuming. means staying alive despite getting killed from time to time.

 :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 29, 2010, 03:33:21 pm
I was living in Littleton, Colorado. Life was going pretty good. Raelene and I were DINKS (double income no kids) and we were making some good money.

We had all the toys, big trucks, fast boats, nice cars, well you get the idea.Life was just pretty good from the outside.

I was kind of a hothead in those with a very low tolerance for most any kind of nonsense. I knew it all. Ask me, I would have told you.

Have you ever heard a story that began with, "there I was, minding my own business...". Well most of the time these stories end badly for the teller.

So, there I was minding my own business. It was time for bed and in those I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I always slept like a rock, nothing could wake me.

But this night..sorry, I need a drink of water.

Where was I? Right, asleep. Something woke me. As I was coming awake I saw two, well what looked like oversized hands come up through the mattress. As I watched they folded over my chest and started pulling me down. Now I was fully awake. I was screaming, kicking, biting, just fighting any way I knew.

But I couldn't get free, and I was going deeper. Raelene was right next to me in bed and she wouldn't wake up. I was still going deeper. The hands on my chest were hurting me, but I had to keep fighting. I was getting exhausted.

As a last resort I screamed as loud as I could and used the last ounce of energy I had left. I was back on the mattress. Nothing was dragging me down. My side of the bed was a wreck, torn sheets, soaked in sweat and smelling of fear. It was over as quickly as it had started.

I gave myself a few minutes to smoke a cigarette and then woke Raelene up. When she saw my side of the bed she started yelling and I told her to shut the hell up and listen for once. As I was telling the story we were making the bed with fresh sheets.

As we were talking it over we decided it was a horrible dream. I also decided to sleep on the couch. She quit helping and was staring at my chest. I went to the bathroom and looked for myself. Across my chest were bruises, that matched two oversized hands.

I made a pot of coffee, no way was I going back to sleep now.

I don't know what happened that night, and I don't care to. It took two weeks for those bruises to fade. It took me a week before I would sleep in that bed again.

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on August 29, 2010, 04:10:21 pm
Man alive.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 29, 2010, 04:18:10 pm
You were Hag ridden. She is usually a horrible old Woman, with talons for nails, and unkempt hair. Sometimes she sits on your chest with her face inches from your own, cackling insanely. Sometimes she's called Black Anna, and tries to force herself on you, seckshually. She is the Original Night Mare. Only she rides you, not the other way round.
Basically, it's sleep paralysis. But where it's usually just a short spell of lucid dreaming,  this is a lucid nightmare. You are wide awake, and you cant move, shout, or basically do anything. But I know what you went through, because I had the same thing when I was about 15. Fucking horrible. Cold, greasy sweats, Heart trying to burst out of your chest. I've woken up next to some startlingly unnattractive women in my time, but she's like the re-animated corpse of someones dead Granny. *Shivers*
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 29, 2010, 04:19:08 pm
Yeah. This story I never tell around a campfire at night.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 29, 2010, 04:22:14 pm
Try this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 29, 2010, 04:25:02 pm
Try this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis

Remember, my half of the bed was ripped to shit. I wasn't paralysed. And then there were the bruises.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 29, 2010, 04:29:33 pm
She quite often presses down on your chest. And before you woke and were aware of her, you would have been in REM sleep, and could well have been thrashing around like a gibbon in a temper. When kids get it, they call it Night Terrors. Ther are quite often physical scars and scratches, and this may be where many examples of Stigmata have thier origins. Only they would have been in an ecstatic hypnogogic dream when waking, rather than a hellish Freddy Kruger style slasher movie.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 29, 2010, 04:31:28 pm
She quite often presses down on your chest. And before you woke and were aware of her, you would have been in REM sleep, and could well have been thrashing around like a gibbon in a temper. When kids get it, they call it Night Terrors. Ther are quite often physical scars and scratches, and this may be where many examples of Stigmata have thier origins. Only they would have been in an ecstatic hypnogogic dream when waking, rather than a hellish Freddy Kruger style slasher movie.

The bottom line for me is, I just don't want another one. Ever.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jasper on August 29, 2010, 04:34:40 pm
A lot of Weirdness sounds unpleasant but interesting to try just once. 

This, not so much. 

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 29, 2010, 04:59:54 pm
Terri and I had been living together a while at this point. This evening we were sitting on the living room floor with over a hundred vinyl albums scattered all around. We were sipping wine, talking and listening to various albums.

We did this a lot, and those evenings are some of my favorite memories.

The music and the wine and the company were going down very well this night, better than most and that is saying a lot. I asked Terri to marry me. She kind of froze and was looking at me closely. I remained silent, allowing her to sort out her thoughts. She took her time, slowly sipping wine.

She said she thought things were going great between us. I agreed. She asked if I thought getting married would ruin it. I told her that we were still best friends. That were were in love with each other and that love just kept growing. So I told her that I honestly didn't think it would ruin what we had.

After a couple of minutes she said yes. Something happened. My heart felt like it was coming out of my chest, all I could see was a brilliant blue light. I could barely breathe. As I tried to look at her, I couldn't see her because of the blue light, I knew this was a special night.

As my vision slowly cleared I realized that I had a huge grin on my face, and I turned to Terri. She was looking at me with something mixed of horror and fear. I asked her what was wrong. She told me that a very bright light had been coming out of my eyes and lit the whole house up.

Well. We sat and talked, realizing neither of us had a clue about what had just happened, but she still wanted to marry me. That was a relief.

Before this night my eyes had always been a deep brown, after that night they have remained mostly green.

Was this a result of true happiness? I don't know. But we have been married more than 10 happy years now. No more blue flashes.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 29, 2010, 05:22:58 pm
This won't explain anything, but I noticed many years ago if I had been up all night tripping, in the morning, light the light took on a bluish quality, especially around peoples eyes. I have since worked out a theory, that sounds acceptable to me. (Because it wasn't a hallucinatory light)  

One effect of Acid, is to open the pupils right up to the max. Which means you are viewing a larger part of the visible spectrum than you would usually. And the colours where we start to lose visible light, are red, at the low end, and blue, at the other. So my wide open pupils basically gave me retinal overdose of blue. And when the light was reflected back from someone elses eyes, (someone who had also been up all night) Their eyes were doing the same, so it seemed that blue witchlight was spilling out from their eyes. The other thing that I noticed, but never did quite get a credible answer for, is that their ears went pointy at the top too. And their eyeshape changed shape. According to my GF, this still happens to me now, if I'm tripping. My ears and eyes go pointy, and I look a bit like a "Big shiny Elf" sneaky little Goblin. And she doesn't do any tripping drugs at all.  :?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 29, 2010, 05:25:35 pm
PICS! NAO.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 29, 2010, 07:21:28 pm
(http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx128/ChuckFukmuk/MEHS/P07-28-09_0903-1.jpg)

(http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx128/ChuckFukmuk/MEHS/06091600.jpg)

(http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx128/ChuckFukmuk/MEHS/P10-18-07_1600.jpg)

(http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx128/ChuckFukmuk/medun.jpg)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 29, 2010, 07:34:08 pm
Gollum!

 :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on August 29, 2010, 08:18:44 pm
Cher! :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 30, 2010, 04:39:02 am
Terri and I were married in June of 2000. We went to Country Jam in Grand Junction, Colorado for our honeymoon. Five days of kicking concerts.

Our favorite band, Lonestar was there and they were going to sing Amazed which like millions we had adopted as our song. We had VIP seating and we were often on the on the giant screen dancing and loving.

A local DJ who was interviewing all of the acts before they came on also interviewed us once he found out it was out honeymoon. We told him we were there mostly to see Lonestar do our song.

While the DJ was interviewing Lonestar he brought us up and they talked about all the people who related to the song. By now Terri and I were staff favorites. We shared our beer, and would talk to them all the time. The parking staff got in the habit of saving us a spot right next to the gate.

Well, the night came for Lonestar. Of all the super big name acts they were the only ones to have the front of the stage barricaded and guarded. Well, we went down there anyway. Yhe guard looked at us and smoled and open the barricade. We handed the lead singer a rose and then we danced.

Oh how we danced, more like floating. There were 250,000 people watching but we felt alone. A couple of women were there and they took our picture as we danced to Lonestar. After the dance they told us how jealous they were and that they had taken out picture. They promised to send it to us.

Over the next year we often wondered about that picture those women took, but it never came. I mean we had moved several times and you know how random meetings work.

On the day of our first anniversary guess what was in the mail. A beautifully framed picture of us dancing to Lonestar in front of 250,000 people while we were on our honeymoon. I opened the package and began crying, I showed it to Terri and she was crying. We still have the picture and it owns a special place in our home.

We have seen Lonestar since then, and we danced to Amazed. As a matter of fact if we are out and we hear the first notes we quit whatever we may be doing ad search each other out to dance.Today I was driving and it came on the radio and I called Terri and left it as a voice mail. She does the same for me.

I ca see this happening when we are in our 80's and 90's. I love her so much.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nast on August 30, 2010, 05:06:59 am
D'awww. It's nice to hear about the real love between people, rather than the mawkish made-for-tv kind.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 30, 2010, 05:15:16 am
Once while in some state I described to Terri our previous life together. I described this in great detail including exactly what we were wearing and what animals we had.

Terri kind of blew me off and we laughed about it. For some reason we went to the Larkspur RenFair. We never went to this kind of thing. It was good though, lots of interesting things going on.

We were having a blast visiting all of the shops and getting readings. We were in one vendors tent and I was just chatting away when I noticed Terri was frozenly staring at an original oil by some unknown artist.

I stopped talking and looked up at the picture. It was, in exact detail, what I had described to Terri as our past life. Up to and including the animals I had described, sitting at our feet. The clothing was spot on.

We didn't have the money to buy it that day and we will forever regret it. I have never seen anything even close to what I described to Terri since that day. She seemed to look at me differently after that, though I would have thought the blue eye thing would have been enough to cure everything.

She is a strong and fearless woman and I am honored to walk beside her.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 30, 2010, 05:27:14 am
Not much feedback lately. Are these stories still working?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on August 30, 2010, 05:37:36 am
Yep! You and Terri sound like a really happy and sweet couple. :) Glad you two found each other. That whole Ren fair thing sounds kinda cool and creepy, lol.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Lies on August 30, 2010, 05:52:08 am
Terri and I were living in a Victorian in Elizabeth, built around the turn of the century. It was a beautiful house and it's best feature was the sun room where the back porch used to be. We would sit in the morning and have our coffee there.

It was a typical 2 story from the era and had an unusually large living room for a Victorian. Terri and I were sitting in the living room watching television. Our two cats an our dog, as always were sitting there with us.

Suddenly a woman was walking across the living room and Terri, me and all of the animals watched her. She went into the bathroom. It was a small bathroom, one way in, one way out. I jumped up and ran in the bathroom to find out what was going on. No one was in there. Just me.

I went back to the living room and Terri asked me who it was. I told her nobody was there. We lust looked at each other and went back to watching television. After all, this wasn't our first rodeo.

The next day Terri went to do the laundry. Our dog followed her everywhere she went. Except to that basement. The dog sat at the top of the stairs just growling with her hair standing on end. There was no one down there, we checked.

A few days later I was taking a shower and a gentle caressing hand gently rubbed my back. Being a reasonable human being and startled I screamed and spun around. You guessed it. No one was there.

One afternoon Terri and I were doing what married people will do. Our bedroom was upstairs. At a critical moment something very cold touched my anus. Terris' head almost went through the wall. I tried to apologize but was assured there was no need. Unknown to me during our activities our puppy had jumped up on the bed and got curious. If there had been no logical explanation for this happening we would have moved the next day.

We saw the woman several more times but we were never touched again, and she didn't eat much so we decided to just let her stay.



Ok, it's definitely a very interesting story.
Would love to be able to investigate the house you claim this woman is in, I don't believe in ghosts as you know, but I believe you at the same time, I don't think you're making it up, or that you're crazy, I just want to see one for myself before I'll personally change my mind.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Lies on August 30, 2010, 05:53:41 am
Once while in some state I described to Terri our previous life together. I described this in great detail including exactly what we were wearing and what animals we had.

Terri kind of blew me off and we laughed about it. For some reason we went to the Larkspur RenFair. We never went to this kind of thing. It was good though, lots of interesting things going on.

We were having a blast visiting all of the shops and getting readings. We were in one vendors tent and I was just chatting away when I noticed Terri was frozenly staring at an original oil by some unknown artist.

I stopped talking and looked up at the picture. It was, in exact detail, what I had described to Terri as our past life. Up to and including the animals I had described, sitting at our feet. The clothing was spot on.

We didn't have the money to buy it that day and we will forever regret it. I have never seen anything even close to what I described to Terri since that day. She seemed to look at me differently after that, though I would have thought the blue eye thing would have been enough to cure everything.

She is a strong and fearless woman and I am honored to walk beside her.

Gotta love synchronicity.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on August 30, 2010, 06:13:10 am
Not much feedback lately. Are these stories still working?

Most definitely.  :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 30, 2010, 04:49:59 pm
Raelene and I had bought a nice house in a decent neighborhood. It was new and since this was the 70's it had electric heat. Gas prices were supposed to go through the roof and the cost of electricity was supposed to go down.

All was going well, good schools for the kids, easy commute and good neighbors. Then winter hit. And it brought $500 a month electric bills. AS you can imagine, we were having trouble keeping up. We had bought the house under a land contract so we called the guy we bought it from and told him we just couldn't afford to live there anymore.

I had written the house payment check out and when we decided to move I put it on top of the refrigerator, so we could afford to pay other bills. Well this guy came over and we signed all the paperwork needed to transfer the house back to him.

We paid our bills and went about moving. Then checks started bouncing. I looked over the account and discovered this guy, (he was very tall) had taken the house payment check and cashed it. ell, this really pissed me off. I called him and we argued and basically he told me tough.

I was at the locksmith shop where Raelene worked talking to one of the guys, bitching about this.

I told him it would be classic if someone took a shot at this creep.

A couple of days later I got a call from the Denver Police department wanting me to come downtown. I was at work and told them we were busy and I didn't have time. I was told to make time or they would come get me.

So I go downtown and get directed to a detectives office. I still had no idea what this was about. He had me sit in his office while he played at shuffling papers for a few minutes. Then he asked me where I was the morning before at 6 AM. I told him I was on my way to work and asked why he wanted to know.

Someone had taken a shot at the creep who stole my check. As the creep was in the action of sitting down at his desk a bullet missed his head by about an inch.

I started laughing. The detective got pissed and asked me if I thought that was funny and I just laughed harder. Finally I was able to stop laughing and was wiping the tears from my eyes and he asked my why I thought it was funny. So I told him the story about the check. I also asked him if he had seen the beautiful Canadian Centennial Winchester rifle on the creeps office. He had and I told him it was part of my down payment on the house and I didn't own any guns currently. He sent me away with the mandatory stern warning about not leaving town.

That afternoon I had a check from the creep for the full amount. I didn't even have to ask for it.

If any of you know the gang ties to Denver then you know there was a family there, the Smaldones. They ran all the crime in Denver, until they ran out of Smaldones during a war. Turns out the guy I was bitching to was a good friend to Raelene, and he was, well, let's call him a 'specialist' for the Smaldones.

We never spoke of the incident. I had sense enough not to ask and he had sense enough not to tell, but Raelene knew, I always suspected they were more than just friends.

To this day if you run my name through the Denver Police Department, it will say I am armed and dangerous.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 30, 2010, 05:12:42 pm



Ok, it's definitely a very interesting story.
Would love to be able to investigate the house you claim this woman is in, I don't believe in ghosts as you know, but I believe you at the same time, I don't think you're making it up, or that you're crazy, I just want to see one for myself before I'll personally change my mind.


I have never really set out to see a ghost. But the surprise is fun when you do.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on August 30, 2010, 06:32:19 pm
Wow. What a jerk the creep was. And the specialist guy was handy in that regard, I suppose.

The Smaldones were family friends of my great grandparents and grandparents, lol. My grandfather even dated one of their girls for a while and when my dad was seriously misbehaving in the early 70s, my great grandmother had Checkers, iirc, pull him in for a conversation (she apparently terrified Checkers enough that he did it without asking any questions).
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 30, 2010, 06:38:33 pm
Wow. What a jerk the creep was. And the specialist guy was handy in that regard, I suppose.

The Smaldones were family friends of my great grandparents and grandparents, lol. My grandfather even dated one of their girls for a while and when my dad was seriously misbehaving in the early 70s, my great grandmother had Checkers, iirc, pull him in for a conversation (she apparently terrified Checkers enough that he did it without asking any questions).

Your grandmother KNEW Checkers??? Holy shit. He was a real bad man.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on August 30, 2010, 06:45:16 pm
Great grandmother, but yep. My great grandparents lived in Little Italy there in Denver and I guess they were neighbors? Or something. Her family's a really old one in Denver, so I suspect she knew everyone.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 30, 2010, 06:53:10 pm
Ever eat at Gaetanos? Great Italian food. Last time I was there you could still see the bullet holes.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on August 30, 2010, 07:19:05 pm
I moved away when I was seven, so if I have, I don't remember it. :(
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on August 30, 2010, 07:53:30 pm
keep going Charley.. its helping me get through a long horrible day of work ;)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 30, 2010, 07:55:16 pm
keep going Charley.. its helping me get through a long horrible day of work ;)

Hope your day gets better!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on August 30, 2010, 08:31:18 pm
busy as crap! lol but the sup isn't here... so i'm doing way to much reading on this site than is probably good for me. teehee. Trolling you is funner than sitting staring at a blank word page when you have writers block. but then again, its fun to troll you!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 30, 2010, 08:41:35 pm
busy as crap! lol but the sup isn't here... so i'm doing way to much reading on this site than is probably good for me. teehee. Trolling you is funner than sitting staring at a blank word page when you have writers block. but then again, its fun to troll you!

I hate writers block. Hope you are enjoying the site.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 31, 2010, 08:13:45 pm
Terri and I were at a bar one night with some friends. The place was a half block form our house so it was a safe place to go with no driving.

We were all sitting around talking and just having a good time. Terri and most of the people that were with us worked across the street at a restaurant. After the restaurant closed they would all meet at the bar.

Well a young guy just went nuts. He started screaming and had spittle coming out of his mouth. He was about to attack another guy when we escorted him out the back door. Then he really went nuts.

I thought he was going to kill himself and so did some of the others. I grabbed him and put him on the ground, and I don't know what that kid was on, but I couldn't control him alone. I yelled for help and we all restrained him.

I was trying to get him calmed down and wasn't having much luck. I was holding one of his arms down and Terri was sitting on his chest. Then he spat in Terri's face. Without thought I slapped him across the face. It sounded like a pistol shot. It took him a minute or so to recover and then he spat in my face. I slapped him again.

One of the guys helping wanted to knock him out but I didn't think that was suck a good idea, because I was sure the bar had called the cops. Sure enough right about then they pulled up. Well, we rolled him over on his stomach and a cop handed me his handcuffs and I cuffed him.

Then we all let go and let the cops take over.  We went back inside and were sitting there talking about it. The cops came in to get our statements. One looked at me and asked my name. I was frantically trying to remember if I had my ID on me, but I answered, Charley Brown. He looked at me and said I wasn't in any trouble and he just needed my statement. He asked me what my name was. I showed him my ID.

That kid ended up spending 6 months in a place where they dry people out. I guess it was some crazy mixture of drugs and lots of alcohol. I saw him later and he didn't recognize me so I let it drop.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on August 31, 2010, 09:17:37 pm
I printed this all out last night. After reading it in hard copy, I will tell you there are going to be a lot of rewrites.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on September 01, 2010, 11:45:33 am
*Gulp*

I now have a literary agent.

*sweating*
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on September 01, 2010, 03:03:54 pm
*Gulp*

I now have a literary agent.

*sweating*

I'm so proud of you Charley!!!! YAY!!!!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on September 01, 2010, 03:05:22 pm
*Gulp*

I now have a literary agent.

*sweating*

I'm so proud of you Charley!!!! YAY!!!!

Thanks. I guess this is the first step of making this real. I think I'm going to be busy.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on September 01, 2010, 03:15:35 pm
you are going to be VERY busy. OMG did i say that i was proud of you??? 
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on September 01, 2010, 03:16:01 pm
you are going to be VERY busy. OMG did i say that i was proud of you??? 

 :oops:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Eater of Clowns on September 01, 2010, 03:19:53 pm
Congrats, Charley!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on September 01, 2010, 03:22:03 pm
Fucking Yeah Dude!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on September 01, 2010, 03:29:02 pm
Thanks. Damn.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on September 01, 2010, 03:37:37 pm
*grabs Charley by the hands and does the happy dance!* Teehee!!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on September 01, 2010, 03:48:41 pm
*Gulp*

I now have a literary agent.

*sweating*
I knew it was only a matter of time. This will go all the way Mate. Congrats.   :mittens:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on September 01, 2010, 04:13:49 pm
Thanks, now I'm skeered.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on September 01, 2010, 04:32:27 pm
I would figure that that would be natural. It'll be great though.  :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on September 01, 2010, 06:57:18 pm
*Gulp*

I now have a literary agent.

*sweating*
Fuck yeah, man! That's great!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 01, 2010, 06:58:22 pm
*Gulp*

I now have a literary agent.

*sweating*

That is AWESOME!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on September 01, 2010, 07:02:03 pm
Thanks.  :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Sorchafae on September 01, 2010, 07:46:32 pm
YAY!! LOL sorry had way to much caffeine :lulz:, and i'm bouncing off the walls.  Gratz. you rock Charley. Woot!!!!

 :lulz:  :D  :mrgreen:  :)  :eek:  8) :lol:  :roll:   :p  :wink:  :fnord:  :fap:  :kingmeh:  :horrormirth: :aaa: :gheyforum:


 :pokewithstick:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: trippinprincezz13 on September 02, 2010, 06:09:44 pm
That's awesome! Well, if the book will keep me as interested as I have been reading the rest of these tales (which, based upon the rest of these stories, it will) and I can afford it, I will definitely buy it. Quite a ways off, I'm sure, but my attempt at being encouraging (I was serious though). In the meantime I'll enjoy what's posted here  :) Good luck!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2010, 04:44:38 pm
Locked at Charley's request.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 31, 2011, 05:09:17 pm
Bump.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on January 31, 2011, 05:10:56 pm
I met old Jim Fickle while he was working at the Ken-Caryl Cattle ranch. He was part of a dying breed, a cowboy.

He sure did have some stories though. Once he worked on the Hartsel Ranch, they were running buffalo. He told me they used to herd the buffalo with cars and trucks, safer, he said. One day this bull was running beside his car and just took a swipe at the car door.
Jim got a gash across his ribs from the horn as it crashed through. That made me not want to herd buffalo. Jim said it took a few stitches to close that gash up.

Jim wasn't a large man, and he was quiet spoken. There was something about him that made you want to listen though. His eyes were as clear and as blue as the Colorado sky, and he never failed to meet any mans look. He was quick to laugh and slow to anger.

The cancer took old Jim from us, I never heard him complain about it either. The Hartsel Ranch is now broke up into 40 acre parcels and the Ken-Caryl Cattle Ranch was moved to Montana.

I have a couple of stories I will tell later about Jim.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Phox on January 31, 2011, 05:27:16 pm
I met old Jim Fickle while he was working at the Ken-Caryl Cattle ranch. He was part of a dying breed, a cowboy.

He sure did have some stories though. Once he worked on the Hartsel Ranch, they were running buffalo. He told me they used to herd the buffalo with cars and trucks, safer, he said. One day this bull was running beside his car and just took a swipe at the car door.
Jim got a gash across his ribs from the horn as it crashed through. That made me not want to herd buffalo. Jim said it took a few stitches to close that gash up.

Jim wasn't a large man, and he was quiet spoken. There was something about him that made you want to listen though. His eyes were as clear and as blue as the Colorado sky, and he never failed to meet any mans look. He was quick to laugh and slow to anger.

The cancer took old Jim from us, I never heard him complain about it either. The Hartsel Ranch is now broke up into 40 acre parcels and the Ken-Caryl Cattle Ranch was moved to Montana.

I have a couple of stories I will tell later about Jim.
Ooooohhh. Glad you're back to it, Charley! Can't wait to here about Jim.  :)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on January 31, 2011, 05:48:50 pm
Jim used to stay in hotels when they had to go pick up livestock. He said in those days when you rented a room they asked if you wanted it with or without. A woman. He told me that they never knew who they would be bunked up with either. Most of the rooms had at least 4 beds.

Jim and another guy had gone to Cripple Creek to pick up a bull. When they got in the room there was a couple of other guys there already. After the introductions Jim said the other two guys had to go get some dinner. Now while they were out Jim and his buddy had an idea.

They bought some beer and sausages and put it all in the bed pan under Jims bed. Every room had at least two bed pans in them. So Jim and his buddy left the room to go get some drinks and play some cards. Later that night they went back to the room and the other two guys were already there.

So Jim reached under the bed and dragged the bed pan out and him and his buddy started eating the sausages, making a big show of swirling them around in the beer. As you would expect the other two guys were turning green by now. Jim and his buddy got to laughing and told the guys about the setup.

Problem was, rather than use a clean bed pan, the guys had used the already used one.

Jim and his buddy got pretty sick and then had to go get something to drink to wash out their mouths. He said they never pulled that trick again either.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Phox on January 31, 2011, 09:48:03 pm
Jim used to stay in hotels when they had to go pick up livestock. He said in those days when you rented a room they asked if you wanted it with or without. A woman. He told me that they never knew who they would be bunked up with either. Most of the rooms had at least 4 beds.

Jim and another guy had gone to Cripple Creek to pick up a bull. When they got in the room there was a couple of other guys there already. After the introductions Jim said the other two guys had to go get some dinner. Now while they were out Jim and his buddy had an idea.

They bought some beer and sausages and put it all in the bed pan under Jims bed. Every room had at least two bed pans in them. So Jim and his buddy left the room to go get some drinks and play some cards. Later that night they went back to the room and the other two guys were already there.

So Jim reached under the bed and dragged the bed pan out and him and his buddy started eating the sausages, making a big show of swirling them around in the beer. As you would expect the other two guys were turning green by now. Jim and his buddy got to laughing and told the guys about the setup.

Problem was, rather than use a clean bed pan, the guys had used the already used one.

Jim and his buddy got pretty sick and then had to go get something to drink to wash out their mouths. He said they never pulled that trick again either.
:horrormirth:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 01, 2011, 06:36:33 pm
Well, here it is spring once again. Country Stampede is less than 2 months away.

Last year we had 3 girls from K-State in the Jeep flashing their boobs all one night. Something story worthy happens every year, I hope this year is the same.

http://www.countrystampede.com/

There is a pretty good line-up again as well. We usually only hit the shows closer to dark as it can get into triple digits here in the summer. One year a tornado passed by pretty close, NOT hoping for a repeat of that one!

I guess we will see what this year will bring. One thing is for sure, we always have a good time!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 16, 2011, 03:41:23 pm
I received a letter from the US Copyright office yesterday.

The Life of Nobody

2010

Registration Number TXu 1-727-377

Effective date of registration;
November 13, 2010

Now if that oily first publisher tries to do something with it I will own their asses.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Don Coyote on May 16, 2011, 03:43:43 pm
I received a letter from the US Copyright office yesterday.

The Life of Nobody

2010

Registration Number TXu 1-727-377

Effective date of registration;
November 13, 2010

Now if that oily first publisher tries to do something with it I will own their asses.

AWESOME!!!!!!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 17, 2011, 12:12:12 am
I received a letter from the US Copyright office yesterday.

The Life of Nobody

2010

Registration Number TXu 1-727-377

Effective date of registration;
November 13, 2010

Now if that oily first publisher tries to do something with it I will own their asses.

AWESOME!!!!!!

Is it silly that I want to frame the damn thing?  :lulz:

To put it in the Library of Congress all I need is a ISBN and a hard copy.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Don Coyote on May 17, 2011, 12:15:38 am
I received a letter from the US Copyright office yesterday.

The Life of Nobody

2010

Registration Number TXu 1-727-377

Effective date of registration;
November 13, 2010

Now if that oily first publisher tries to do something with it I will own their asses.

AWESOME!!!!!!

Is it silly that I want to frame the damn thing?  :lulz:

To put it in the Library of Congress all I need is a ISBN and a hard copy.

No. I probably would do the same.

You going to get it put into the Library of Congress?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on May 17, 2011, 12:18:59 am
I received a letter from the US Copyright office yesterday.

The Life of Nobody

2010

Registration Number TXu 1-727-377

Effective date of registration;
November 13, 2010

Now if that oily first publisher tries to do something with it I will own their asses.

AWESOME!!!!!!

Is it silly that I want to frame the damn thing?  :lulz:

To put it in the Library of Congress all I need is a ISBN and a hard copy.

No. I probably would do the same.

You going to get it put into the Library of Congress?

As soon as I can afford the ISBN and a hard copy, yes. My fucking ego demands it.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Phox on May 17, 2011, 12:24:07 am
SWEET!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: *GrumpButt* on May 17, 2011, 12:27:56 am
I received a letter from the US Copyright office yesterday.

The Life of Nobody

2010

Registration Number TXu 1-727-377

Effective date of registration;
November 13, 2010

Now if that oily first publisher tries to do something with it I will own their asses.

Grats!  :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on May 17, 2011, 12:35:42 am
 :cheers:

FUCKIN A, CHARLEY!  :D :D :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Freeky on May 17, 2011, 01:40:54 am
:jebus: GO CHARLEY!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Luna on May 17, 2011, 02:46:58 am
I received a letter from the US Copyright office yesterday.

The Life of Nobody

2010

Registration Number TXu 1-727-377

Effective date of registration;
November 13, 2010

Now if that oily first publisher tries to do something with it I will own their asses.

AWESOME!!!!!!

Is it silly that I want to frame the damn thing?  :lulz:

To put it in the Library of Congress all I need is a ISBN and a hard copy.

Not silly at all.  This is awesome.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on May 17, 2011, 05:00:38 am
I received a letter from the US Copyright office yesterday.

The Life of Nobody

2010

Registration Number TXu 1-727-377

Effective date of registration;
November 13, 2010

Now if that oily first publisher tries to do something with it I will own their asses.

AWESOME!!!!!!

Is it silly that I want to frame the damn thing?  :lulz:

To put it in the Library of Congress all I need is a ISBN and a hard copy.

Not silly at all.  This is awesome.

For real. Frame that bitch.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Adios on July 03, 2011, 08:36:33 pm
I have indeed met my match, if not my superior at telling homespun tales. I personally recommend reading this.

http://www.erisbarandgrill.org/forum/showthread.php?tid=11248

ETA;Oops, forgot, that forum isn't visible unless you are logged in, by the request of the members.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Eartha-ly Delights on July 05, 2011, 11:40:11 pm
That's a lovely thing to say about your pet stalker Charley Brown.....but I got a long way to go to equal you.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 04, 2011, 04:37:19 pm
Well, we are preparing to go on A Great Adventure, our last. Terri (Danu) and I are planning on my disability being approved. When it is we are going to buy a good used RV and we are going to travel.

Yes, we are going to travel all over, but never will we be in a hurry. No sir, we intend to take our time and really see things. Spend a few days or a few weeks in one place, get to know it a little. Meet the locals. Our days of the Rat race will be over, we will be retired. Seniors on the road.

We may be campground hosts for an entire season in just one place. Do you know they give you free camping and some campgrounds even pay minimum wage to do that? Amazing, isn't it? You have to man the entrance booth for a certain number of hours and you have to talk to people. Imagine, getting free stuff to do what I do best. There must be a God after all.

We may park on BLM land for a while, hey, no charge. We will certainly try to make a point of giving all of our online friends some real face time as we pass close to them as well. Can we park in your driveway for a couple of days?

As we are going through our stuff for liquidation, yes, liquidation, not much room for unused stuff in a motorhome, after all, we are realizing that we have a lot of unused stuff. Too damn much. Some of it has a lot of sentimental meaning at the family level. This stuff will be going to grandkids. Some we will store at the kids houses. Most we will just sell.

We are finding that getting rid of stuff isn't really all that difficult at all. The books were the hard part, books are like old friends. We have 5 boxes of books, minus the ones we sold to Hastings. As I was sorting them out I pretended it was a post apocalyptic time and that books were in low supply and high demand. This is after all an adventure, is it not?

The furniture is stuff to be sold. Motorhomes come furnished. Everything we need in one place. Damn, but this is exciting! Since the cold hurts us both our travels will be designed to avoid such nonsense. Southerly in the winter, northerly in the summer to avoid the heat.

One place I want to show Terri is the place in Georgia where my happiest time as a kid were spent. The family still owns a couple of hundred acres they affectionately refer to as the hunting camp. It was once farmland, but the state offered to plant pines to prevent erosion and the family took it. It is a beautiful place, packed with wonderful memories that a child carries into adulthood, in fact for life.

We have never been to Idaho, one of the most beautiful parks in the country is there in the mountains. A season at Yellowstone perhaps. The road is limitless.

We will not be traveling the interstate, no sir, all back roads for us. Small towns, forgotten places, places that the Interstates killed, or maybe even saved. Route 66 is one we both want to do very badly, what is left of it.

American Gypsies, that will be us. Hawk and Danu's traveling Road Show. Here today, gone tomorrow, but never forgotten. In fact, I intend to write my second book about our travels. All the places we go, especially the people we meet. The things we will do and see. The experience of living again. We both so badly miss living. Really living, not just marking time while we exist, stagnating in one place, one day resembling another to the point of tedium. Not for us!

Did you know that a lot of people in this country are doing this now? Some to escape, others just because they want to, some because they had no choice left. We want to. I even found my redneck ball cap that has a bottle opener on the hat brim to wear. I feel that we must be prepared, after all!

We will also be traveling in comfort, those RV's have heaters, air conditioners, refrigerators, sofas, queen size beds, tubs, toilets, showers, hell the list goes on. A home on wheels. We can live on my disability combined with my retirement from Johns-Manville fairly comfortably, even if somewhat austere.

Did you know that you can rent a private P.O. box that will forward your mail? Yep, enough people live in RV's now that this has become a business. And it's reasonable. We will probably have a pay as you go cell phone, and of course the internet, using one of those thingies that you plug into a computer. Just don't expect us to be online all the time!

Terri and I are both well seasoned campers so the transition should be fairly smooth. There are always wrinkles though. Those wrinkles usually make the best stories though, depending on how we react to them. Somehow I can see us sitting in the mud in a pouring rain trying to fix some damn thing or another and laughing our asses off. You heard it here first, good sense does not always mean having a good time!

Well, enough for now, just keep in mind that this is the first chapter in the rest of our lives and the commentary will be ongoing! Damn, I guess this means the second book is already begun!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on October 04, 2011, 05:20:10 pm
TUCSON OR BUST
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on October 04, 2011, 05:22:38 pm
Glad things are starting to look up for you Mate. Get the biggest fattest 'Bago you can find, then you'll be like those old Wagon trains, scooting about wherever you like, with all the comforts you can cram into a Trailer the size of a Train Carriage. I've got Zappa's "Moving to Montana" on my Brain pod now too. That must be a good omen. Yippee ty oh, ty yay" Cool Beans.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 04, 2011, 05:29:55 pm
TUCSON OR BUST

Will bring cheap whiskey and cheap cigars!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on October 04, 2011, 05:30:32 pm
TUCSON OR BUST

Will bring cheap whiskey and cheap cigars!

MAKE IT BOURBON AND I'LL THROW IN A TRANNIE FOR FREE.  :banana:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 04, 2011, 05:31:27 pm
Glad things are starting to look up for you Mate. Get the biggest fattest 'Bago you can find, then you'll be like those old Wagon trains, scooting about wherever you like, with all the comforts you can cram into a Trailer the size of a Train Carriage. I've got Zappa's "Moving to Montana" on my Brain pod now too. That must be a good omen. Yippee ty oh, ty yay" Cool Beans.

Looks like we will be able to afford something around 30 feet long. Plenty of comfort. We will call it The Prairie Schooner.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on October 04, 2011, 05:31:46 pm
Why are you involving cross dressing Dok? Is it a Tuscon thang?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on October 04, 2011, 05:32:28 pm
Why are you involving cross dressing Dok? Is it a Tuscon thang?

We have lots of trannies.  We give them away as prizes.  The idea is to collect the whole set.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 04, 2011, 05:33:03 pm
TUCSON OR BUST

Will bring cheap whiskey and cheap cigars!

MAKE IT BOURBON AND I'LL THROW IN A TRANNIE FOR FREE.  :banana:

You know you're old when this makes you wonder why you would get us a transmission!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on October 04, 2011, 05:33:31 pm
TUCSON OR BUST

Will bring cheap whiskey and cheap cigars!

MAKE IT BOURBON AND I'LL THROW IN A TRANNIE FOR FREE.  :banana:

You know you're old when this makes you wonder why you would get us a transmission!


In a sense, that's not entirely inaccurate.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 04, 2011, 10:09:18 pm
TUCSON OR BUST

Will bring cheap whiskey and cheap cigars!

MAKE IT BOURBON AND I'LL THROW IN A TRANNIE FOR FREE.  :banana:

You know you're old when this makes you wonder why you would get us a transmission!


In a sense, that's not entirely inaccurate.

 :lulz:

Kentucky Gentleman it is!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on October 04, 2011, 10:14:45 pm
Wait.

Kentucky Gentleman?

Does that mean he holds the door for her before he beats her into intensive care?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 04, 2011, 10:15:32 pm
Wait.

Kentucky Gentleman?

Does that mean he holds the door for her before he beats her into intensive care?

What do you expect from cheap bourbon?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on October 04, 2011, 10:16:29 pm
Wait.

Kentucky Gentleman?

Does that mean he holds the door for her before he beats her into intensive care?

What do you expect from cheap bourbon?

A hangover and a new wife whose name I can't remember?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Luna on October 04, 2011, 10:19:54 pm
Wait.

Kentucky Gentleman?

Does that mean he holds the door for her before he beats her into intensive care?

What do you expect from cheap bourbon?

A hangover and a new wife whose name I can't remember?

:spittake:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 04, 2011, 10:21:12 pm
Wait.

Kentucky Gentleman?

Does that mean he holds the door for her before he beats her into intensive care?

What do you expect from cheap bourbon?

A hangover and a new wife whose name I can't remember?

I am pretty sure you have to upgrade to Jim Beam for that option.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on October 04, 2011, 10:25:56 pm
Wait.

Kentucky Gentleman?

Does that mean he holds the door for her before he beats her into intensive care?

What do you expect from cheap bourbon?

A hangover and a new wife whose name I can't remember?

I am pretty sure you have to upgrade to Jim Beam for that option.

No, that's what straws are for.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 04, 2011, 10:28:09 pm
Wait.

Kentucky Gentleman?

Does that mean he holds the door for her before he beats her into intensive care?

What do you expect from cheap bourbon?

A hangover and a new wife whose name I can't remember?

I am pretty sure you have to upgrade to Jim Beam for that option.

No, that's what straws are for.

You got a 30 something foot flat place for us to park when we get there?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on October 04, 2011, 10:31:15 pm
Wait.

Kentucky Gentleman?

Does that mean he holds the door for her before he beats her into intensive care?

What do you expect from cheap bourbon?

A hangover and a new wife whose name I can't remember?

I am pretty sure you have to upgrade to Jim Beam for that option.

No, that's what straws are for.

You got a 30 something foot flat place for us to park when we get there?

Nope, the house takes the whole lot.  But there are places nearby that are good & cheap.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on October 04, 2011, 10:32:18 pm
Wait.

Kentucky Gentleman?

Does that mean he holds the door for her before he beats her into intensive care?

What do you expect from cheap bourbon?

A hangover and a new wife whose name I can't remember?

I am pretty sure you have to upgrade to Jim Beam for that option.

No, that's what straws are for.

You got a 30 something foot flat place for us to park when we get there?

Nope, the house takes the whole lot.  But there are places nearby that are good & cheap.

Yah, I guess the golf course people would get pissy wouldn't they?  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 04, 2011, 10:40:32 pm
Wait.

Kentucky Gentleman?

Does that mean he holds the door for her before he beats her into intensive care?

What do you expect from cheap bourbon?

A hangover and a new wife whose name I can't remember?

I am pretty sure you have to upgrade to Jim Beam for that option.

No, that's what straws are for.

You got a 30 something foot flat place for us to park when we get there?

Nope, the house takes the whole lot.  But there are places nearby that are good & cheap.

That will work.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 04, 2011, 10:41:05 pm
Wait.

Kentucky Gentleman?

Does that mean he holds the door for her before he beats her into intensive care?

What do you expect from cheap bourbon?

A hangover and a new wife whose name I can't remember?

I am pretty sure you have to upgrade to Jim Beam for that option.

No, that's what straws are for.

You got a 30 something foot flat place for us to park when we get there?

Nope, the house takes the whole lot.  But there are places nearby that are good & cheap.

Yah, I guess the golf course people would get pissy wouldn't they?  :lulz:

They better keep their sweaty balls off of our RV.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on October 04, 2011, 10:48:16 pm
Wait.

Kentucky Gentleman?

Does that mean he holds the door for her before he beats her into intensive care?

What do you expect from cheap bourbon?

A hangover and a new wife whose name I can't remember?

I am pretty sure you have to upgrade to Jim Beam for that option.

No, that's what straws are for.

You got a 30 something foot flat place for us to park when we get there?

Nope, the house takes the whole lot.  But there are places nearby that are good & cheap.

Yah, I guess the golf course people would get pissy wouldn't they?  :lulz:

They better keep their sweaty balls off of our RV.
Put a little flag on the roof, and they won't be able to hit it even if they try.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Eater of Clowns on October 04, 2011, 11:55:43 pm
Hey, Charley,

:mittens:

on the road plan.  I love it, and I hope you enjoy the everloving fuck out of it.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 05, 2011, 12:00:22 am
Hey, Charley,

:mittens:

on the road plan.  I love it, and I hope you enjoy the everloving fuck out of it.

Thank you! I can assure you we will indeed enjoy it! We have talked about it for years, now we have nothing left to lose, so why the hell not!

HEY ECH, YES, ANOTHER JANIS REFERENCE!!!! SHE WAS A GENIUS!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on October 05, 2011, 12:10:57 am
Sounds like a hell of lot of fun, Charley!


If you decide to go to Yosemite or one of the surrounding parks, lemme know and perhaps there can be lunch or something.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 05, 2011, 12:13:11 am
Sounds like a hell of lot of fun, Charley!


If you decide to go to Yosemite or one of the surrounding parks, lemme know and perhaps there can be lunch or something.

We may apply for campground host there at one of the campgrounds next summer.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 05, 2011, 04:24:44 pm
Home Sweet Home???

http://topeka.craigslist.org/rvs/2626736456.html
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on October 05, 2011, 04:35:32 pm
Home Sweet Home???

http://topeka.craigslist.org/rvs/2626736456.html

WOW!!  That is very nice!!!!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 05, 2011, 04:39:05 pm
Home Sweet Home???

http://topeka.craigslist.org/rvs/2626736456.html

WOW!!  That is very nice!!!!

It's about $1,500 more than we wanted to go tops, but the mileage and the two pop-outs may sway our decision.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on October 05, 2011, 04:41:01 pm
Home Sweet Home???

http://topeka.craigslist.org/rvs/2626736456.html

WOW!!  That is very nice!!!!

It's about $1,500 more than we wanted to go tops, but the mileage and the two pop-outs may sway our decision.

Watch out for those pop outs,  I remember people complaining about them when I lived in FL.  That they ended up doing it manually more often than not.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Jenne on October 05, 2011, 09:00:20 pm
Home Sweet Home???

http://topeka.craigslist.org/rvs/2626736456.html

:mittens:

We had a popout that we rented that week we travelled up to visit my dad in the SLO prison.  Convenient, but yeah, sometimes tricky.  So make sure you know how to fix it if it needs it.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Luna on October 05, 2011, 11:08:23 pm
That looks awesome.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 05, 2011, 11:54:54 pm
Something magical happened on our checking account. It seems Treasury Dept, Social Security Dept. has run a sounding and is prepared to make deposits.


I'm singing a Willie song right now!!!!

On the road again!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on October 06, 2011, 02:43:28 pm
Something magical happened on our checking account. It seems Treasury Dept, Social Security Dept. has run a sounding and is prepared to make deposits.


I'm singing a Willie song right now!!!!

On the road again!

I am so happy for you guys!!!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 06, 2011, 04:38:18 pm
(http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s320x320/320907_165360240219581_160411127381159_340862_941677360_n.jpg)

I have an erection! Well, okay, it's mental, but STILL!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Luna on October 06, 2011, 09:10:18 pm
(http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s320x320/320907_165360240219581_160411127381159_340862_941677360_n.jpg)

I have an erection! Well, okay, it's mental, but STILL!

Oh, awesome! 
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 06, 2011, 10:12:52 pm
(http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s320x320/320907_165360240219581_160411127381159_340862_941677360_n.jpg)

I have an erection! Well, okay, it's mental, but STILL!

Oh, awesome! 

I could have so much fun get into so much trouble with one of those!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Luna on October 06, 2011, 10:19:40 pm
(http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s320x320/320907_165360240219581_160411127381159_340862_941677360_n.jpg)

I have an erection! Well, okay, it's mental, but STILL!

Oh, awesome! 

I could have so much fun AND get into so much trouble with one of those!

Fixed for accuracy.   :wink:

Next time I get myself down to Disney, I want one of those... 
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 06, 2011, 10:21:17 pm
(http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s320x320/320907_165360240219581_160411127381159_340862_941677360_n.jpg)

I have an erection! Well, okay, it's mental, but STILL!

Oh, awesome! 

I could have so much fun AND get into so much trouble with one of those!

Fixed for accuracy.   :wink:

Next time I get myself down to Disney, I want one of those... 

WINNAH!!!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on October 06, 2011, 10:45:22 pm
I have this mental image of you, perched in that chair and mowing people down with it, laughing like a maniac the entire time.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Luna on October 06, 2011, 10:47:29 pm
I have this mental image of you, perched in that chair and mowing people down with it, laughing like a maniac the entire time.

At least it looks like it'd be easy to hose out... whatever's... stuck in the treads...
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 06, 2011, 10:47:45 pm
I have this mental image of you, perched in that chair and mowing people down with it, laughing like a maniac the entire time.

Wow! I have exactly the very same image!!!  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 06, 2011, 10:56:37 pm
I have this mental image of you, perched in that chair and mowing people down with it, laughing like a maniac the entire time.

At least it looks like it'd be easy to hose out... whatever's... stuck in the treads...

Power washer may be required.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Luna on October 06, 2011, 11:00:15 pm
I have this mental image of you, perched in that chair and mowing people down with it, laughing like a maniac the entire time.

At least it looks like it'd be easy to hose out... whatever's... stuck in the treads...

Power washer may be required.

May be, but TOTALLY worth the extra effort, IMHO.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 07, 2011, 06:00:59 pm
Something magical happened on our checking account. It seems Treasury Dept, Social Security Dept. has run a sounding and is prepared to make deposits.


I'm singing a Willie song right now!!!!

On the road again!

I am so happy for you guys!!!

Thanks, here's what showed up.

US TREAS 303 SOC SEC PPD CHARLES R BROWN

Still no formal notification yet, but I have to be optimistic at this point.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on October 07, 2011, 06:20:36 pm
I have this mental image of you, perched in that chair and mowing people down with it, laughing like a maniac the entire time.

Wow! I have exactly the very same image!!!  :lulz:

This is what I thought:

(http://i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa66/dracolupus/hawkerkiller.jpg)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 07, 2011, 06:22:31 pm
I have this mental image of you, perched in that chair and mowing people down with it, laughing like a maniac the entire time.

Wow! I have exactly the very same image!!!  :lulz:

This is what I thought:

(http://i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa66/dracolupus/hawkerkiller.jpg)

:spittake:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on October 07, 2011, 07:01:46 pm
Why not go the full way and laser up a post apocalyptic los angeles? :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 13, 2011, 02:31:54 pm
I am learning lots of fun things about SS.

We found that you became disabled under our rules on March 25, 2010. However, you have to be disabled for 5 full calendar months in a row before you can be entitled to benefits. For these reasons, your first month of entitlement to benefits is September, 2010.

Also, because I am disabled because of medical reasons and on SS I cannot get Medicare for 2 years.  :?

My monthly benefit will in no way pay for medical insurance with my pre-existing conditions.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Triple Zero on October 13, 2011, 07:34:33 pm
maybe I'm too European but I can't read "SS" without thinking about that other SS ...
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 13, 2011, 07:47:22 pm
maybe I'm too European but I can't read "SS" without thinking about that other SS ...


 :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Golden Applesauce on October 14, 2011, 01:41:42 am
maybe I'm too European but I can't read "SS" without thinking about that other SS ...

Thank god, I thought I was the only one.

Around here, it also stands for "Selective Service," which is the org you need to register with in case they ever decide to reinstate the draft.

So every high school has signs warning male students that they'll lose their driver's license unless they join the SS.  I don't know who signed off on that abbreviation.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 15, 2011, 01:36:45 am
We paid cash for a 34 foot motorhome today. No pics yet but we pick it up Wednesday, the owner of the RV lot insisted on going through all the systems to make sure everything works correctly.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 15, 2011, 01:42:14 am
Oh cool!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 17, 2011, 10:01:49 pm
Sprint Overdrive for internet access on the road. Check
New laptop to replace my ancient and immobile tower. Check
Plat Station 3 for movies and Netflix. Check
Packed and ready to load in Motorhome. Check
Full tank of gas. Check
Full propane tank. Check
Back-up camera installed. Check
All systems working. Check

Weeks trial living in new home, scheduled at Tuttle Creek State Park.

After that to Nebraska and then Colorado to see kids and grandkids.

After that, Destination...In the immortal words of Captain Kirk, "Thataway."
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Don Coyote on October 17, 2011, 10:04:56 pm
Sprint Overdrive for internet access on the road. Check
New laptop to replace my ancient and immobile tower. Check
Plat Station 3 for movies and Netflix. Check
Packed and ready to load in Motorhome. Check
Full tank of gas. Check
Full propane tank. Check
Back-up camera installed. Check
All systems working. Check

Weeks trial living in new home, scheduled at Tuttle Creek State Park.

After that to Nebraska and then Colorado to see kids and grandkids.

After that, Destination...In the immortal words of Captain Kirk, "Thataway."


AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 17, 2011, 10:09:42 pm
Sprint Overdrive for internet access on the road. Check
New laptop to replace my ancient and immobile tower. Check
Plat Station 3 for movies and Netflix. Check
Packed and ready to load in Motorhome. Check
Full tank of gas. Check
Full propane tank. Check
Back-up camera installed. Check
All systems working. Check

Weeks trial living in new home, scheduled at Tuttle Creek State Park.

After that to Nebraska and then Colorado to see kids and grandkids.

After that, Destination...In the immortal words of Captain Kirk, "Thataway."


AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I almost feel like a kid again.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on October 17, 2011, 10:10:32 pm
After that, Destination...In the immortal words of Captain Kirk, "Thataway."

In English, that is "South" and "West".

Come down here, Charley.  You'll like it so much you'll never leave.  Ever.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 17, 2011, 10:15:22 pm
After that, Destination...In the immortal words of Captain Kirk, "Thataway."

In English, that is "South" and "West".

Come down here, Charley.  You'll like it so much you'll never leave.  Ever.

 :lulz:

Right now we are discussing going to my hometown of Hazlehurst, Ga for the winter.  Yep, county seat of Jeff Davis County.

Oh, and I promise you we would damn sure leave that desert long before those triple digit days!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Doktor Howl on October 17, 2011, 10:19:38 pm
After that, Destination...In the immortal words of Captain Kirk, "Thataway."

In English, that is "South" and "West".

Come down here, Charley.  You'll like it so much you'll never leave.  Ever.

 :lulz:

Right now we are discussing going to my hometown of Hazlehurst, Ga for the winter.  Yep, county seat of Jeff Davis County.

Oh, and I promise you we would damn sure leave that desert long before those triple digit days!

Everyone says that.  And then stuff happens, it's only temporary, and then the days trickle by and suddenly it's 6 years later.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 17, 2011, 10:29:43 pm
No telling how long I will be able to tolerate my family, moving far away wasn't an accident, after all.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 17, 2011, 10:47:28 pm
Ratchair in the Piney woods.

(http://www.google.com/maps/vt/data=Ay5GWBeob_WIPLDYoIWcfVXxvZu9XwJ55OX7Ag,69GiPtk0RRv597rSBgCh7wMpUVpmDXPMH7d2CIx1cNms7jGTDvXuCarNsZpjhHy6jt8Eh5-9WQ3NTe120KrlpGY45QdJzuizs67kvygaeSuD2oA7oYR33OOJOeuG7_QIsRBO8d_Su_ItVNX_KvSyXBBmsgWYryPXIFnEhqmaxmB3bg9J9otBo0Ih3xiP7ECMooOSarK7GqTnVJI)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Luna on October 18, 2011, 01:38:40 am
Hey!  Before you trap him in Tuscon, send 'im up here, first!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on October 18, 2011, 11:49:47 am
                      We should totally get some T Shirts printed up.

                         "Charley Brown's Epic 2012  US Tour"
                                   Dates to be announced.
                                      No venue exempted.
                                           No State left
                                              Unturned,
                                              No Cabal,
                                            Too Spaggy.
                                       
                                           Or something.
                                                     8)
                                                                                       
                                                           
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 18, 2011, 03:01:51 pm
                      We should totally get some T Shirts printed up.

                         "Charley Brown's Epic 2012  US Tour"
                                   Dates to be announced.
                                      No venue exempted.
                                           No State left
                                              Unturned,
                                              No Cabal,
                                            Too Spaggy.
                                       
                                           Or something.
                                                     8)
                                                                                       
                                                           

Hawk and Danu's Traveling Road Show.  :lulz:

A friend of ours is an excellent auto painter, we are thinking about having her paint Hawk and Danu's Road House on it for us.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on October 18, 2011, 03:30:29 pm
Sounds like a lot of fun Mate.. Although I keep getting flashes of the Bus from "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" for some reason. 
(http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx128/ChuckFukmuk/active%20ones/Priscilla-Queen-of-the-De-001.jpg)  :eek:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 18, 2011, 03:44:00 pm
 :cry:

Here I thought we were friends.

 :cry:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: BadBeast on October 18, 2011, 04:23:47 pm
:cry:

Here I thought we were friends.

 :cry:
Settle them feathers Mr Hawk, we're still good. I drove those unworthy images from my mind, with some righteous Dead.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pafY6sZt0FE
Enjoy. . . .  8)  :cheers:

Then I thought  "How about something you've never heard before, so here's "Toad on the Road" by the Alman Mido Band too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGkfVC_hgHk

But that put me on the inevitable Hawkwind tip. So you get "Kerb Crawler" as well. (Kerb Crawling wasn't 'cruising for Hookers' in those days, ftr. )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwvfjrQ1lns
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 24, 2011, 03:33:26 pm
Well, here we are, officially living in our motorhome. Right now we are at Tuttle Creek State Park. It's beautiful here and since it's fall and there is a chill in the air it's not crowded at all. We are getting used to our new home and learning all the systems. Our pets seem to be having a ball.

Today our front yard has a few acres and a lake. Our back yard has a few acres as well. When it warms up later I will get all of the awnings lowered and make sure they all work fine.

Okay, all for now, will continue to post updates!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 27, 2011, 12:14:47 am
Okay guys. Semi set plan. After the Nebraska and Colorado runs we will be heading to Texas. Stella is first on the hit list, probably a couple of weeks though Stella. Next spring on our way back will be Autumn Witchie in N.C, then Khara. Your missions, should you choose to accept is to find a flat free parking spot for a 35 foot long road house.

Tonight we are in Russell, Ks on our way to Hays. We had to stop and rest, the crosswind was beating the hell out of us. Tomorrow we hit Hays, then off to Nebraska. About a week there, then off to Colorado, then to see Stella.

Remember kids, our plans are always very fluid now and subject to change for any and no reason.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: rong on October 27, 2011, 12:50:14 am
I can hook you up with free camping in the U.P. if you're interested.  Best to come mid September as the wood ticks will be gone but the snow hasn't started falling yet.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 27, 2011, 01:12:16 am
I can hook you up with free camping in the U.P. if you're interested.  Best to come mid September as the wood ticks will be gone but the snow hasn't started falling yet.

What is a U.P.?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: rong on October 27, 2011, 01:34:00 am
I wasn't sure how universally known that abbreviation was - Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Also known as the Yoop
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 27, 2011, 01:56:28 am
I wasn't sure how universally known that abbreviation was - Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Also known as the Yoop

I have allergies to cold weather!  :lulz:

Maybe a summer trip though, give me an excuse to check my wife for ticks!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: rong on October 27, 2011, 02:00:22 am
Peak tick time is mid to late June.  There's usually another surge in August, but they're really not that bad and they're not the lyme disease carrying kind.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 27, 2011, 02:02:08 am
Peak tick time is mid to late June.  There's usually another surge in August, but they're really not that bad and they're not the lyme disease carrying kind.

I would like to meet many of you NE spags.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 27, 2011, 02:25:20 am
Peak tick time is mid to late June.  There's usually another surge in August, but they're really not that bad and they're not the lyme disease carrying kind.

SOLD!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: rong on October 27, 2011, 02:39:15 am
At least I'm far enough from the lake that the biting flies aren't bad and there's a crew of dragon flies that comes in every morning and evening and eats all the mosquitos.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 27, 2011, 03:02:05 am
I fucking loathe biting flies.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: rong on October 27, 2011, 03:04:08 am
I fucking loathe biting flies.

do NOT go to misery bay
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 27, 2011, 03:05:04 am
I fucking loathe biting flies.

do NOT go to misery bay

Aptly named, is it?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: rong on October 27, 2011, 03:07:38 am
Not just a clever name.  Although, if you get there before the flies hatch its actually really nice. 
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on October 27, 2011, 03:28:06 am
I bet they are bitchin' fish bait though.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on November 03, 2011, 12:01:14 am
We are currently in Sidney, Ne at Cabellas. Tomorrow we will go on to Greeley, Co. The time we spent with the family in Nebraska was a blast. More family in Greeley and Denver, then we have decided to head to New Mexico. After that Arizona possibly, then Texas.

There is snow on the ground here so the itch to get south is getting stronger.

Once we get south I am going to teach Terri to shoot the .50 black powder rifle she bought us and we will have campfires and use the tripod and dutch over we got as well. Now we need a campfire coffeepot and a fire grate.

We should have internet for at least a few more days before we get back into another Big Empty spot. I suspect New Mexico and Arizona both have plenty of those.

Driving in these Nebraska crosswinds wear me right out. When it comes to wind our home gets slapped all over the place. I was surprised to learn that truckers wave at you when you drive one of these things! Pleasantly surprised though. They get slapped around by the wind pretty good too.

Well, that's all for now, maybe more tomorrow.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: rong on November 03, 2011, 12:16:00 am
Thanks for updating.  I enjoy reading these sorts of "trip reports"
If its not too far out of your way, I'd suggest Bryce Canyon in Utah.  I'm told its better than the grand canyon, I hope to make it there myself someday.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on November 03, 2011, 12:26:10 am
Thanks for updating.  I enjoy reading these sorts of "trip reports"
If its not too far out of your way, I'd suggest Bryce Canyon in Utah.  I'm told its better than the grand canyon, I hope to make it there myself someday.

Yeah, it's pretty, but we need to get our old bones south to some warm. Soon.  :)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on November 03, 2011, 10:40:33 pm
We are in Greeley, Co now. Expect the kids to come over after a while. We will probably stay here until Sunday morning, then head south.

Water lines froze last night but thawed today with no broken pipes.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on November 05, 2011, 11:53:24 pm
We are at Lake Pueblo State Park in southern Colorado tonight. I had wanted to make it to New Mexico but the damn wind was beating me up. Remember, I drive a 34' long breadbox on wheels. I-25 had wind advisories out for high profile vehicles (us).

So tomorrow we will make it to New Mexico, our 4th state so far on this journey. We think as a rule a couple of hundred miles a day when we move is good. As soon as we get to warmer weather we will stay in one place longer than we have so far.

It is pretty here, it's semi-arid, but we are in butte country and the lake is pretty good sized. We are far enough above the water to not feel the wind effect coming across it. Tonight we will use the generator since we are in a campground where there is no electrical hook-up.

It was good to see the kids and grandkids. We will see them again next year when it warms up where they are.

Okay for now, more as it comes!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Roly Poly Oly-Garch on November 07, 2011, 11:42:23 pm
We are in Greeley, Co now. Expect the kids to come over after a while. We will probably stay here until Sunday morning, then head south.

Water lines froze last night but thawed today with no broken pipes.

How did you find Greeley? I'm right up the road in Fort Collins. Curious to hear an impression of that city that's not over-burdened by a familiarity with it's reputation.

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on November 08, 2011, 02:04:34 pm
We are in Greeley, Co now. Expect the kids to come over after a while. We will probably stay here until Sunday morning, then head south.

Water lines froze last night but thawed today with no broken pipes.

How did you find Greeley? I'm right up the road in Fort Collins. Curious to hear an impression of that city that's not over-burdened by a familiarity with it's reputation.



Terri's son lives there and we lived in Colorado for over 20 years, in the Denver area as well as the Elizabeth area. Also we are/were horse people and Greeley has a kicking rodeo every year. My son lives in Englewood too. Our ties to Colorado are deep and extensive. My son and I used to hunt the BLM land around Villa Grove every year. When I first moved to Denver it was still a cow town and Greeley was a wide spot in the road. We used to stop at Johnsons Corner for breakfast on our way to hunt pheasants around Wiggins. Ft. Collins was just a college town.


We may have found our winter home here in New Mexico. We bought an annual State Parks camping pass that cost $100.00 after our discounts were applied. That's for an entire year. If we decide we want a site that has electrical it's only $4.00 per night to camp. More importantly, we had all the windows wide open because it was so nice outside.

We are at Santa Rosa Lake State Park and plan to spend at least a couple of weeks here. There is so much beauty here in New Mexico, so much to see and do. We are going to establish residence here using a P.O. Box, that way we can get fishing licenses at resident rates.

Night before last we stayed at Sugarite Canyon near Raton, it was beautiful, but just too cold that far north. On our way down here we did stop at the Fort Union ruins, that was pretty cool. It was in the foothills so it was still too cold there. Santa Rosa is in Central Eastern New Mexico, far enough away from the Rockies that the mountain temperatures don't reach us.

Carlsbad is only about 200 miles away and we will probably go see that this winter as well. Next move may be a short one to Fort Sumner though.

Guess that's all for now, things to do today!


ETA; My grand daughter graduates from CSU in December.  :)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on November 08, 2011, 05:51:56 pm
That is so cool Charley!  Is the pass just for NM or is it one of those anywhere in the US?

Glad you've found a base to work out from!!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on November 08, 2011, 07:08:50 pm
That is so cool Charley!  Is the pass just for NM or is it one of those anywhere in the US?

Glad you've found a base to work out from!!

Just for NM. It's a hell of a deal for sure.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Luna on November 08, 2011, 11:17:46 pm
I'm jealous, Charley, it sounds great.

When I was a kid, we used to go through caves a lot.  Carlsbad is on my list of places to see.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on November 13, 2011, 12:02:32 am
Okay, we have semi-reliable internet. For now.

We are at Oasis State Park which is south of Clovis, NM. Not very much here, except for the all important warmth. It's almost 6 PM and the wind is blowing and it's still around 70 degrees. We are planning to stay here for a few days at least. Since it's the weekend there are about 5 or 6 other campers here right now and we expect several will leave tomorrow.

Last night we stayed at Ft. Sumner State Park and we were the only people in the campground. The place had bad vibes so we left this morning. We did stop at the Billy The Kid Museum today and took the full tour, that was great, drove by and saw his grave as well.

There is a small lake (pond) here so we will need to check on getting fishing licenses tomorrow since we are officially brand new New Mexicans. :)

People are so friendly here, everyone we have met. In Santa Rosa everyone was willing to stop and talk and tell you all about the town and Old Route 66, which runs right through Santa Rosa. We visited the car museum there and they have some of the best preserved/restored cars we have ever seen. I took a picture of a fire engine red 57 Chevy convertable that looked like it just came off the showroom floor. Damn thing gave me goosebumps.

The owner of the Route 66 Restaurant owns a 56 Ford Fairlane that looked brand new as well. He still drives it every day and he showed me pictures of a few of the other classic cars he owns as well.

I guess that's all for now, more as it happens.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on November 13, 2011, 06:12:12 am
That's one of my favorite parts of the country, right there. Lincoln county is fucking gorgeous. :D Sounds like a fabulous time, Charley.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on November 13, 2011, 04:09:57 pm
That's one of my favorite parts of the country, right there. Lincoln county is fucking gorgeous. :D Sounds like a fabulous time, Charley.

It is beautiful here. Right now we can't see it though, with the wind blowing as hard as it is there are dust storms to the north and the south. Even if we didn't like it here we would stay, I am not in the mood to drive this thing in a heavy cross wind. Besides, it only got down in the 60's last night.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on November 22, 2011, 02:05:04 am
WE ARE IN ROSWELL, NM!!!

The only Aliens we have found are us. This state is so laid back and people are so friendly everywhere we go. Will have reliable internet tomorrow, after that we are back to State Parks. We are in a Good Sam tonight, need to do laundry, also a regular shower will be nice. :)

The rig is running great and things are all working perfectly. Every campground we meet full time RV people and they are all so willing to share their practices and habits, we are picking up a lot of know how. We will be at Bottomless Lake State Park for at least 10 days after we leave this campground. Two nights here will be $52, the state park is $4 a night.

I have learned to keep my fresh water, gray water and black water tanks empty when moving, also to only get enough gas in the tank to get us where we are going with a little to spare. That really lightens up the rig and we get better gas mileage. Here we are hooked up directly to park water, sewer, power and cable TV, also on their WIFI. Haven't ran the generator in a couple of weeks. :)

We have found that when living on the road we should never pass up a Walmart. We keep stocked for two weeks at a time to conserve room, so every move we need to restock.

We make side trips to see and do interesting things and man, there are lots of things to see and do. I can honestly tell all of you, if you ever get the chance to live on the road, jump all over it. It is interesting to hear the reasons that people have the type of rig they do. Some live in very small trailers for extra mobility and they can get more places than someone like us with our 34 foot rig. Some just like a Class C better than a Class A like we have. Some even like small vans.

We even had a guy at the last place in a tent, instead of commuting to ENMU he just camps out 4 days a week. At that camp we even saw a wildfire a few miles away, fortunately it was going in the opposite direction with the wind. It's so damn dry here, even the locals are amazed by the drought. We aren't even making evening fires because of the dry conditions sand the wind, and many places don't allow it anyway.

Well, more tomorrow!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 07, 2012, 12:35:53 am
Greetings Guys. We are currently in Deming, NM, for a solid month we will have internet and television.

Today was move day and it went all to hell. The house wouldn't start so we had to call our roadside coverage for a battery jump. After about and hour and trying 4 different batteries we discovered it was the starter. So I had to crawl under the motorhome and bang on the starter while the tow driver started it. Then just outside of Deming we stopped for propane and nothing would get the starter to work.

I called an auto parts store and asked if they would bring the starter to me AND THEY DID!!! I replaced it right there and we made it into town. Good thing it was only a 30 mile move!

So, where have we been. Since entering New Mexico we have stayed at the following state parks. Sugarite, Santa Rosa, Oasis, Sumner Lake, Bottomless Lakes, Brantley Lake, Rockhound and City of Rocks.

The beauty of this state constantly amazes me. Our favorite parks were Bottomless, Rockhound, Pancho Villa and City of Rocks. Here we can stay in each park for 21 consecutive days, then after being gone for 1 week we could stay for another 21 if we wanted. So far we haven't repeated because we want to see new places.

At Rockhound I found a beautiful Thunder Egg
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=t...bQ&cad=rja
that I will try to load images of.

We have been in a couple of snowstorms, had some wonderful weather and a lot in between. We have been through two Border Patrol Inspection points and they were all very nice and never even asked to look in our home. We were only a couple of miles from Mexico at Pancho Villa but we didn't cross, south of Tucson is probably where we will meet Sherry, another full timer, and ride over with her to replenish meds. We are part of the full timer family now and constantly meet many of the same people at various parks. Overall they are very nice people. With only a couple of exceptions the Park Rangers have even said we are part of the family.

We are still amazed at how friendly almost everyone we have met is.

Well, more in a bit, just wanted to check in real quick. I hope you are all well and happy.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on February 07, 2012, 12:46:44 am
Greetings Guys. We are currently in Deming, NM, for a solid month we will have internet and television.


Damn, it's good to see you, Charley.   :)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on February 07, 2012, 12:46:52 am
Charley!

Glad to hear things are going good man!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Triple Zero on February 07, 2012, 12:51:40 am
Welcome back Charley!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Phox on February 07, 2012, 01:14:07 am
Hy Charley, good to see you.  :)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 07, 2012, 01:35:53 am
Hi guys! Good to see you all.

Roger, if we actually do make it to Tucson will try to give you a heads up. We have learned that our plans remain somewhat fluid depending on whether or not something shiny grabs our attention.


Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Luna on February 07, 2012, 02:45:58 am
Good to see ya, Charley!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 07, 2012, 02:48:21 am
Good to see ya, Charley!

 :)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 07, 2012, 03:23:56 am
Holy shit can e-mails pile up when you can't check them on a regular basis!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on February 07, 2012, 03:34:28 am
That they do! Good to hear from you. :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: LMNO on February 07, 2012, 01:15:24 pm
Glad to see things are working out for you two!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on February 07, 2012, 02:23:48 pm
Hi guys! Good to see you all.

Roger, if we actually do make it to Tucson will try to give you a heads up. We have learned that our plans remain somewhat fluid depending on whether or not something shiny grabs our attention.

That's cool.  My number is in your PM box.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 07, 2012, 03:50:45 pm
Hi guys! Good to see you all.

Roger, if we actually do make it to Tucson will try to give you a heads up. We have learned that our plans remain somewhat fluid depending on whether or not something shiny grabs our attention.

That's cool.  My number is in your PM box.

I would give you mine but I refuse to even turn it on unless I have to make a call out.  8)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 07, 2012, 04:19:49 pm
In Colombus, NM is a fantastic little cafe called 3 Salsas. The place is cute as all get out with fantastic food and it has a seating capacity of 17.

The town is only a couple of miles from the Mexican border and there are border patrol officers everywhere.

A couple of local ranchers were in the cafe and I asked them what there was to do around there besides ranch, farm or refinery work.

"Chase Mexicans."
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Cramulus on February 07, 2012, 04:27:12 pm
Charlie!!! Great to hear from you, man! Hope things are well! :D
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 07, 2012, 04:28:14 pm
Charlie!!! Great to hear from you, man! Hope things are well! :D

Hows it hanging Cram? Things are fantastic!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Cuddlefish on February 07, 2012, 04:35:22 pm
Charlie! Sounds like you're having a great time. Glad that you'll be around for a bit!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 07, 2012, 04:38:46 pm
Charlie! Sounds like you're having a great time. Glad that you'll be around for a bit!

THANKS!

I grew my beard back. The damn thing is WHITE!  :x
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on February 07, 2012, 05:20:56 pm
We need pic of this beard!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 07, 2012, 05:35:09 pm
We need pic of this beard!

I'll work on it.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 08, 2012, 05:09:15 pm
While we were in Carlsbad we stopped by Carlsbad Caverns. At the Visitor Center I showed them my disability paperwork and they gave me an Access Card for free that is good for every National Park or National Landmark. It allows me to bring up to 3 guests, many places for free, including Carlsbad Caverns.

That place was huge. It was so big it didn't even feel like you were in a cave at all hardly. It was worth the pain to see it. We also took a boat ride one night in Carlsbad, Lights on the Pecos. People and businesses decorate their houses along the river, some quite elaborate.

We did not go to the Alien museum in Roswell though! :D

Santa Rosa is on Old Route 66 and there was a car museum there that had some incredible cars in it.

When we left Carlsbad we went over Guadalupe Pass into Texas over to El Paso and then back into New Mexico at Las Cruces. We will never take that road again. If you are looking for the middle of nowhere with nothing around that is the exact spot you want to be. There were some interesting traffic signs though;
Last Gas for 200 Miles.
Blowing dust and zero visibility possible for the next XX miles.

Even a 30 mile drive in the desert can show many changes in the landscape and vegetation. Sound carries in the desert too. If there is a hill or mountain nearby especially so. You can hear people talking in normal tones in some cases from over 200 feet away, so you learn to talk quietly. The air is so clear that you can see forever. When we were in Pancho Villa State Park I saw a flag and after a little study realized it was the Mexican flag at the border just over 2 miles away.

The most amazing though, is the people. People seem to live slower in the desert, and they are very friendly for the most part. It reminds me of when I was a young man and we were all willing to help each other out, or to take time to stop and talk. I have learned that most New Mexicans are indeed very proud of their state and are eager to share their knowledge.

Our summer project is to get a tow car. There are so many places we just can't get to with a 34' long vehicle, so we are missing a lot of things. One place that comes to mind had just one great big sign that made me stop and turn around. 17% grade next 3 miles. In towns parking can be difficult. When we stock up for the next 21 day stay at a state park we go to Walmart and park way out in the parking lot. Here in Deming there is a shuttle we can take instead of having to disconnect and reconnect the RV every time, although we now have that down to a science. We can be ready to move in less than 10 minutes.

Next month we will start slowly moving back north easing up to the mountain region state parks. Starting in April it's going to get very warm down here. Then we will see a very different part of New Mexico. Forests and rivers, snow capped peaks and pueblos, things like that. On the 11th we are going up to Silver City for the annual Chocolate Fantasia celebration.

Several of the local winerys make green chili wine, and we are going to have to try it simply out of curiosity. Terri wants to get over to Hatch, the chili capitol of the US. Supposedly they grow dozens of types of chilis there. Can you tell we are anxious for summer to get here? When we get into the high 60's and 70's now all of us fulltimers crawl up on a rock and soak up some sunshine, like a bunch of reptiles! :D January is the coldest month here and we got down into the 20's overnight a few times. The days usually got to at least the mid 40's, commonly in the 50's and 60's though. Now we are seeing mostly 40's at night and 60's and 70's during the day.

I am charging the camera now and will post some pictures sometime today, so this is all for now.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on February 08, 2012, 05:39:30 pm
You keep searching, Charley.  America's out there somewhere.

(Glad to hear you're enjoying yourself.  Keep posting this stuff.)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 08, 2012, 07:19:14 pm
(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/079.jpg)

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/078.jpg)

The Thunder Egg I found at Rockhound State park
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 08, 2012, 07:20:09 pm
(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/077.jpg)

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/076.jpg)

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/074.jpg)

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/073.jpg)

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/072.jpg)

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/071.jpg)

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/070.jpg)

City of Rocks State Park formed by erosion of The Kneeling Nun Tuff
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 08, 2012, 07:20:55 pm
(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/069.jpg)

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/044.jpg)

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/025.jpg)

For fun.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 08, 2012, 07:21:48 pm
(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/028.jpg)

Tuttle Creek State Park, Manhattan, Ks.

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/031.jpg)

Sugarite (Sugareet) State Park

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/023.jpg)

Pueblo Lake, Co

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/035.jpg)

Oasis State Park

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/034.jpg)

Oasis State Park
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 08, 2012, 07:22:32 pm
(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/033.jpg)

Car Museum in Santa Rosa

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/053.jpg)

Carlsbad Cavern

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/039.jpg)

OasisState Park

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/068.jpg)

Terri in the Florida (Floreeda) Mountains at Rockhound State Park

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/065.jpg)

Rockhound State Park

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/066.jpg)

Rockhound State Park
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Cramulus on February 08, 2012, 08:06:34 pm
(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/025.jpg)


 :nopics:  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 08, 2012, 08:08:09 pm
(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/025.jpg)


 :nopics:  :lulz:

I'm going to tell Terri that you don't like her ass. I suggest that you leave the country!  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 08, 2012, 08:12:29 pm
I have an identical picture of the giant tit in Carlsbad Caverns.

My favorite thing about that place (oh god, I hope they haven't changed it) is that it's still 1975 down there.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 08, 2012, 08:14:37 pm
I have an identical picture of the giant tit in Carlsbad Caverns.

My favorite thing about that place (oh god, I hope they haven't changed it) is that it's still 1975 down there.

They can't change anything and they are VERY protective of all of it! I am glad they added the elevator though, otherwise we couldn't have gotten down there.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 08, 2012, 08:53:02 pm
We met an 83 year old woman who has been a full time RV'er for 26 years when we were at Rockhound. She had just moved up from her 21 day stay at Pancho Villa. She was just getting over a viral infection and was unable to walk her dog so we offered to take over the job while we were there.

While she was at Pancho Villa somebody started banging on the outside of her home one night. She promptly pulled her gun and threatened to shoot him while she was calling the cops. When they showed up the guy was gone, but Mickey still had her gun in her hand and was still pissed.

She showed the cop the gun and said if she had to call them back to bring the coroner. The cop looked the gun over and said it should be able to get the job done.

I got to thinking about this, and it came to me that in so many places in America today that the cop would have drawn his weapon and made her get on the ground and handcuffed her. Every cop out there knows the almost every one of us living out here are armed to the teeth, and here, at least, they think it is a very good idea.

Here, unless you are in a town the police have a very small profile, excluding border patrol, and there is a ton of area to cover.

I think the Borderlands are a living part of the Old America and I am glad for it.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 08, 2012, 09:37:06 pm
I have an identical picture of the giant tit in Carlsbad Caverns.

My favorite thing about that place (oh god, I hope they haven't changed it) is that it's still 1975 down there.

They can't change anything and they are VERY protective of all of it! I am glad they added the elevator though, otherwise we couldn't have gotten down there.

They can't change the lounge area, info walls, and concession stands? Why not?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 08, 2012, 09:41:33 pm
I have an identical picture of the giant tit in Carlsbad Caverns.

My favorite thing about that place (oh god, I hope they haven't changed it) is that it's still 1975 down there.

They can't change anything and they are VERY protective of all of it! I am glad they added the elevator though, otherwise we couldn't have gotten down there.

They can't change the lounge area, info walls, and concession stands? Why not?

Oh, they can change that stuff, just nothing in the grand cavern or the other ones.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on February 09, 2012, 03:03:59 am
CHARELY! Visit Lincoln county while you're in NM if you can! Seriously one of the prettiest places in the South West.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 09, 2012, 01:39:40 pm
CHARELY! Visit Lincoln county while you're in NM if you can! Seriously one of the prettiest places in the South West.

What town is in that county? I think we might have been there, will have to check the map after a while.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Triple Zero on February 09, 2012, 09:49:38 pm
Roger already said this but I'm also real happy you're enjoying yourself so much and having a great time! You totally deserve it man. Is your health doing okay as well? Seems so in that pic of you with the dogs, but it's not much to judge from :) You're still in a wheelchair right?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 09, 2012, 10:04:53 pm
Roger already said this but I'm also real happy you're enjoying yourself so much and having a great time! You totally deserve it man. Is your health doing okay as well? Seems so in that pic of you with the dogs, but it's not much to judge from :) You're still in a wheelchair right?

Off and on in the chair. If I am willing to eat lots of pain meds I can walk for about a mile now. That picture above of Terri on the mountain took 4 days to recover from and was worth every damn second of it.

Strangely, I have taken myself off of almost all of my meds, I still take pain pills and the bladder medicine and still cath myself, but am healthier right now than I have been in 4 years. As long as I am careful and cath myself before walks, I don't even need to wear a diaper full time anymore.

Thank you for the well wishes, I hope one day you all get the chance to live like this, on the road. I came out here to die and now it seems I will live and we have met several others that were told by doctors that they would be dead several years ago.

I do miss sex, since the last surgery the nerve damage is permanent and I will never get an erection again.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Triple Zero on February 09, 2012, 10:47:47 pm
Aww your post was all "that sounds great!" and then that last line :( Does no erection also mean no orgasm? (no idea since I never had one without the other)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 09, 2012, 10:54:03 pm
Aww your post was all "that sounds great!" and then that last line :( Does no erection also mean no orgasm? (no idea since I never had one without the other)

The orgasm is only a shadow of former self, I just get a chill all over and then it's done, no ejaculation. Dude, life is fucking fantastic. The upside to the nerve damage is I can no longer feel the bladder pain, at all. More than a fair trade!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Juana on February 09, 2012, 11:57:41 pm
CHARELY! Visit Lincoln county while you're in NM if you can! Seriously one of the prettiest places in the South West.

What town is in that county? I think we might have been there, will have to check the map after a while.
Carrizozo and Ruidoso are the only decently sized places, but it's the county Billy the Kid is from.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 10, 2012, 12:05:06 am
CHARELY! Visit Lincoln county while you're in NM if you can! Seriously one of the prettiest places in the South West.

What town is in that county? I think we might have been there, will have to check the map after a while.
Carrizozo and Ruidoso are the only decently sized places, but it's the county Billy the Kid is from.

Terri was near Ruidoso when she and Sherry drove up to the Rez for smokes. We will be there maybe next month, after it warms up in the higher elevations. We did see the Kids grave over by Santa Rosa though, and we went through the museum.

It was 76 degrees here today and I ain't going nowhere until the heat runs us out!  :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 10, 2012, 03:33:44 pm
"Progressive Roadside Assistance, how may I help you?"

"I need a jump I think."

policy info, blah blah

"Okay, you are covered, where are you?"

"City of Rocks State Park in New Mexico."

"I can't seem to find City of Rocks."

"It's not a town, it's a state park."

"What town is near?"

"It's between Deming and Silver City."

"Oh, what is the address?"

"I have no idea, the people in Deming or Silver City know where it is."

"I still can't find City of Rocks."

"That's because it's still only a state park. I am in the middle of the New Mexico desert."

"Oh, were would the tow truck come from?"

"I suspect Deming or Silver City, whichever place you call."

"What road are you on?"

"The closest road intersection is the corner of 180 and 61."

"What town is that near?"

"Halfway between Deming and Silver City in the middle of the desert."

"Oh. (pause) What is the zip code?"

"I have no idea. Don't you have a map?"

"Wait, I found it, you will receive an automated call shortly telling you when the driver will be there."

"Thank you."


Well, it turned out it was the starter that I replaced once we got back to Deming. That conversation was pretty fun though.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 13, 2012, 08:12:55 pm
Ole Hank sang about it in a sad country song, many have been forsaken on it, never to return.

Don't kill me for this, but Hank got it all wrong. The Lost Highway is a place of wonders. A place where the Old America™ can still be seen, sometimes even more than a shadow of itself, the real thing.

We have discovered The Lost Highway here in the New Mexican Desert and I know it exists elsewhere as well. All across this country when one gets away from the mass and crush of humanity found in the more populous areas.

Life moves at a slower pace here, like I think it was meant to. People are still friendly and are still willing to extend a helping hand.

These places and people have been forgotten by most. When one is fortunate enough to stumble on one of these places, it isn't a Stephen King experience, but more of a Mayberry experience. Now, I'm not saying everything is perfect, not at all. Poverty, real poverty is abundant and many of the people are the elderly. Some of the towns are in the slow, painful process of drying up and blowing away.

We could buy land here for as low as $200.00 an acre, but we no longer desire to be owned by those kinds of things. So one day I suspect the cactus and snakes will fully reclaim what they have grudgingly been sharing with us.

You may ask why this is happening. The answer is simple, the young are leaving, ever searching for greener pastures in the form of jobs, doing what they can to break the cycle of poverty. Not that it makes them any happier, but a full stomach can help to make it bearable.

So we enjoy the beauty of the land and the beauty of the genuine smiles of the people, loving being a part of it, while mourning it's passing.

One day we will disappear as well, and sadly, some will say we have been taken by The Lost Highway. Nothing would be further from the truth. You see, we  have willingly given ourselves to it, out of love.

Now if they would only put the steel guitar back in country music, along with the country.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: rong on February 13, 2012, 09:50:49 pm
I genuinely hope you can get to the U.P.
It is reminiscent of this lost highway you speak of, 'cept there never really was a highway to begin with.  Just trees.  More trees than you can fathom.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 13, 2012, 10:53:48 pm
I genuinely hope you can get to the U.P.
It is reminiscent of this lost highway you speak of, 'cept there never really was a highway to begin with.  Just trees.  More trees than you can fathom.

U.P.?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on February 13, 2012, 11:53:21 pm
I genuinely hope you can get to the U.P.
It is reminiscent of this lost highway you speak of, 'cept there never really was a highway to begin with.  Just trees.  More trees than you can fathom.

U.P.?

Upper Peninsula, MI.

They are a hairy people, who live entirely on a diet of raw smelt and spam.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 14, 2012, 12:00:45 am
I genuinely hope you can get to the U.P.
It is reminiscent of this lost highway you speak of, 'cept there never really was a highway to begin with.  Just trees.  More trees than you can fathom.

U.P.?

Upper Peninsula, MI.

They are a hairy people, who live entirely on a diet of raw smelt and spam.

Ah, the Yeti.

Rong, I need lots of road for this beast! Flat road. Ask the right rear scissor jack, if you ever find it, I sure can't!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on February 14, 2012, 02:47:13 am
Charley, while you've been gone, country music has descended into a never-ending series of half-assed female vocalists who sound like they're on Quaaludes.  I blame you. 

Seriously, this shit is AWFUL, to the point where I have erased the local country stations from my presets.  I called up the Tucson channel and asked them for a little Johnny Cash, and they said "Who?", then laughed at me and played Taylor Swift for 3 fucking hours.  And it was ALMOST A RELIEF.

Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 14, 2012, 02:44:37 pm
Rock is dead, country has morphed into something I can't recognize, and the other music is just noise to me.

I blame Taylor Twit and the people in charge.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 14, 2012, 05:51:49 pm
We need pic of this beard!

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/SANY0001-2.jpg)

Do your worst, fucker.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on February 14, 2012, 05:56:09 pm
Rock is dead, country has morphed into something I can't recognize, and the other music is just noise to me.

I blame Taylor Twit and the people in charge.

Taylor Swift is the LEAST of your worries.  Turn on a standard country station, now.  They all sound like Gretchen Wilson on morphine.  It's fucking hideous, and Nashville should be DESTROYED FROM ORBIT.  I mean, all the execs are actively looking for this shit, and the bars are full of clones of this crap looking for a leg up, and they even killed Big & Rich on their SECOND FUCKING ALBUM, just like they infected Hank Williams Jr back in the late 80s or so.

Nashville kills everything it touches.  It is a hideous fucking place that should have millions of ticks dropped on it from a great height.  Let the bastards deal with an infestation like that...It would at least keep them from fucking up my radio station.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Triple Zero on February 14, 2012, 08:19:55 pm
That's a glorious beard!! (got a bigger version of that pic? I like seeing the invididual hairs)
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 15, 2012, 12:33:54 am
That's a glorious beard!! (got a bigger version of that pic? I like seeing the invididual hairs)

Try this link.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/SANY0001-2.jpg

http://s654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on February 15, 2012, 02:52:57 am
We need pic of this beard!

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/SANY0001-2.jpg)

Do your worst, fucker.

HOLY SHIT!  GIVE BACK WILLIE NELSON, OR WE SEND IN THE DRONES!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on February 15, 2012, 03:05:09 am
Damn Charlie! I'm going to have to think this one over....
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 15, 2012, 04:03:35 pm
We need pic of this beard!

(http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu264/HawkShadowsoul/SANY0001-2.jpg)

Do your worst, fucker.

HOLY SHIT!  GIVE BACK WILLIE NELSON, OR WE SEND IN THE DRONES!

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/157048/ill_never_smoke_weed_with_willie_again/
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 15, 2012, 04:08:16 pm
Damn Charlie! I'm going to have to think this one over....

 :lulz:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 21, 2012, 07:02:32 pm
Okay, so I transferred our insurance policy over to New Mexico. Funny, the exact same policy, exact same wording, exact same company is $200.00 a year cheaper.

Also, I really need to learn Spanish.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on February 21, 2012, 07:25:00 pm
Thought you already did? You had some convos with johnyx if iirc. What ever happened to him anyway?
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 21, 2012, 07:25:45 pm
There is a radio station here called KSPK. Yes, K Spick. Yes, it is a Spanish station.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 21, 2012, 07:27:01 pm
Thought you already did? You had some convos with johnyx if iirc. What ever happened to him anyway?

hablo solo un poco de español!

And not fast enough, my ears need training to hear that fast. Don't know what happened to Johnny, but I liked him.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on February 21, 2012, 07:32:05 pm
I hear you on that. I sometimes listen to raidio na gaeltachta online since its the best way for me to hear fluent native irish. Makes me realize i have a long ways to go.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on February 21, 2012, 07:50:27 pm
Johnny's been around.  He just hasn't posted.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 21, 2012, 07:54:23 pm
Johnny's been around.  He just hasn't posted.

Cool.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Johnny on February 22, 2012, 08:14:10 am

Oh hai, im still around, but limited to reading....

I mostly read Aneristic Illusions, TFYSS, T&S, High Weirdness and Pics...

I know theres a billion page thread about it discussing it, but... on one hand i know that purely reading is negative cause there is no feedback or interaction, but i personally dont like adding to the fluff... i dont post Mexico news because its just depressing repetitive issues... sometimes id like to rant, but my style tends to be very long and effort consuming... also, social service, school, thesis and field work, rough times...

but hey, im always here if you need information of Mexico or some translations or whatever  :wink:
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on February 22, 2012, 08:23:27 am

Oh hai, im still around, but limited to reading....

I mostly read Aneristic Illusions, TFYSS, T&S, High Weirdness and Pics...

I know theres a billion page thread about it discussing it, but... on one hand i know that purely reading is negative cause there is no feedback or interaction, but i personally dont like adding to the fluff... i dont post Mexico news because its just depressing repetitive issues... sometimes id like to rant, but my style tends to be very long and effort consuming... also, social service, school, thesis and field work, rough times...

but hey, im always here if you need information of Mexico or some translations or whatever  :wink:

Just saying, as someone a few thousand miles away, I always looked forward to your Mexico news. I'd like you to post more please, even if I have trouble following. We're not just where we live anymore, are we? It's nothing as simple as I'm American and your Mexican, is it? I mean, it's weird for me to say "I'm American." It's a statement of fact, but it feels.... alien. Dishonest.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Johnny on February 22, 2012, 09:13:40 am

Oh hai, im still around, but limited to reading....

I mostly read Aneristic Illusions, TFYSS, T&S, High Weirdness and Pics...

I know theres a billion page thread about it discussing it, but... on one hand i know that purely reading is negative cause there is no feedback or interaction, but i personally dont like adding to the fluff... i dont post Mexico news because its just depressing repetitive issues... sometimes id like to rant, but my style tends to be very long and effort consuming... also, social service, school, thesis and field work, rough times...

but hey, im always here if you need information of Mexico or some translations or whatever  :wink:

Just saying, as someone a few thousand miles away, I always looked forward to your Mexico news. I'd like you to post more please, even if I have trouble following. We're not just where we live anymore, are we? It's nothing as simple as I'm American and your Mexican, is it? I mean, it's weird for me to say "I'm American." It's a statement of fact, but it feels.... alien. Dishonest.

Well of course, basing one's identity upon their nation of birth is silly, specially when that nation you "belong to" (which is an awful way of expressing it if you think about it, it expresses ownership, and fuck that) dissapoints one so much or is just full of unfulfilled wishes... Im sure that if the thing was running like a well oiled machine id have no qualms with saying "Im Mexican"...

The presidential elections are coming, so im gonna write a short bit on it.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: The Rev on February 22, 2012, 03:51:05 pm

Oh hai, im still around, but limited to reading....

I mostly read Aneristic Illusions, TFYSS, T&S, High Weirdness and Pics...

I know theres a billion page thread about it discussing it, but... on one hand i know that purely reading is negative cause there is no feedback or interaction, but i personally dont like adding to the fluff... i dont post Mexico news because its just depressing repetitive issues... sometimes id like to rant, but my style tends to be very long and effort consuming... also, social service, school, thesis and field work, rough times...

but hey, im always here if you need information of Mexico or some translations or whatever  :wink:

Cool, good to hear from you!
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Pope Pixie Pickle on February 26, 2012, 01:12:57 pm

Oh hai, im still around, but limited to reading....

I mostly read Aneristic Illusions, TFYSS, T&S, High Weirdness and Pics...

I know theres a billion page thread about it discussing it, but... on one hand i know that purely reading is negative cause there is no feedback or interaction, but i personally dont like adding to the fluff... i dont post Mexico news because its just depressing repetitive issues... sometimes id like to rant, but my style tends to be very long and effort consuming... also, social service, school, thesis and field work, rough times...

but hey, im always here if you need information of Mexico or some translations or whatever  :wink:

I liked your news articles about Mexico. It made the board seem less Americentric.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 26, 2012, 06:20:23 pm

Oh hai, im still around, but limited to reading....

I mostly read Aneristic Illusions, TFYSS, T&S, High Weirdness and Pics...

I know theres a billion page thread about it discussing it, but... on one hand i know that purely reading is negative cause there is no feedback or interaction, but i personally dont like adding to the fluff... i dont post Mexico news because its just depressing repetitive issues... sometimes id like to rant, but my style tends to be very long and effort consuming... also, social service, school, thesis and field work, rough times...

but hey, im always here if you need information of Mexico or some translations or whatever  :wink:

I liked your news articles about Mexico. It made the board seem less Americentric.

Yes, I like those too.
Title: Re: Life of Nobody
Post by: Fujikoma on April 03, 2019, 11:23:45 pm
Amercuh, fuk ye.

Really though, I stopped watching and reading news from America a long time ago, it's typically hyper-oppinionated, politically charged bullshit. I found my life got much easier to deal with if I'd just wait for BBC to post an article on something. I know they're not perfect, and yes, they do have opinion peaces, but I swear to god Fox news is designed to fill people with a desire to murder, and the other sources aren't much better. CNN has been lying to us this whole time, so SURE Trump was gonna get his come-uppin's... except he's not. The best that can be hoped from all of this is Paul Manafort spends an appropriate amount of time rotting in prison for being a shit-lord, after the state of New York gets a hold of his sweet, virgin white-ass.