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Here is somthing from my LJ i though you guys might get a kick out of

Ah red necks at their finest,Ķ enough American pride to make a comi shit his organs.

Now don,Äôt get me wrong, I defend the right to bare arms. As a species we have created these means by which to destroy our selves and we must take responsibility for that. I also believe that gun control is a cowardice cop out by which we put the people already in control of our lives (the government) in direct control over all the weapons. That just seems like a bad I idea to me, maybe I,Äôm just paranoid. Further more I believe that education will save more lives that just the restriction of access. Quite frankly gun control has failed to prevent access to criminals (which is the reason for its institution) and any one who has ever lost a loved one to ,Äúan accident,Äù could have been prevented with proper education (I,Äôd also like to point out that more people die from car accidents than gun accidents).

Now I honestly believe all of this and will defend it to my grave but standing in the middle of the Saratoga gun show looking around at all wondrous specimens of humanity that I defend on a daily basses makes me wanna join the million moms march. Jesus, no wonder so many brain red necks get in trouble for shooting their hunting partner (like our vice president), I don,Äôt think any of these people should be allowed access to an implement of destruction and that should also include their cars and any thing more complicated that a toaster. Who the fuck is giving gun licenses to these people!?! No wonder the opposition gets so bent out of shape about these law.

Id have to say it,Äôs really hard to fight for one of my personal freedoms standing next to some jack ass having a conversation with his battered wife about how ,ÄúJUST,Äù the war in the middle east is and that it serves those heathen dune coons right. Good God how did I end up on the same side of the political divide with the people who actually believe that El Presadente Bush is a great leader. Really though, I could use some more liberals on this side of the line.

I think I mentioned in my introduction that I was a writer,Ķ her his a sample that involves no gore,Ķ I,Äôm working up to the good stuff

Enjoy
I imagine that if you truly summed up life as a rode by which we travel, than that rode is lined every quarter century with out of the way purgatorial truck stops such as this.  The twang of blue grass country music adds a strange comfort to the half empty restaurant.  I dine with my last twenty dollars on some of the worst key lime pie I have ever had the privilege to tantalize my pallet with.  The coffee however is fucking spectacular.  Not one of those over priced immaculate French monstrosities; the type that are half foam and half sugar as only found in down town caf?©s.  No, this is of those good old Columbian black tar brews.  A coffee that stains the porcelain of the cup on contact and can only be purchased for consumption at run down greasy spoon dives such as this.  To drink it is to wage total war on your internal organs and central nervesystem.  It starts with a mad dog blitzkrieg on your stomach.  There it will dig trenches and begin a volley of chemical warfare to the remaining digestive system.  Throughout the day it will continue with a war of attrition slowly advancing all of its heavily armored forces until every organ in sight has been annihilated.  In its wake it spreads the fascist propaganda known as caffeine to each and every one of your blood cells until they revolt, storm the brain, overthrow its governing body and degenerate its underling factions into total anarchy.  Couple that with what ever the hell Nina gave me and you can kiss your hangover, as well as your liver, good by.  The waitress approaches and serves up yet another cup of steaming hot toxic waist.  It is my fifth.
   ,ÄúSon, ya,Äôll look justa,Äôbout have,Äôn had ta,Äô watched yer dog die.,Äù The long and shallow accentuations of her southern draw does little more than remind me of the depths to which I have been banished.
   ,ÄúThanks for those inspiring words, I had a hell of a night.,Äù These conversations generally go quickly.  I do my best to act casual and play along so I can get it over with.
   ,ÄúLooks ta me like yer a,Äôman question,Äôn the very principle of his worth.,Äù She fills up my cup, then a second and sits down. ,ÄúWhat,Äôs got,Äôcha bit on the buns hun?,Äù
   I have dealt with this kind before.  The lost out in the middle of no where down to earth goo roo of the simple life southern variety.  These people have a uniquely accurate understanding of how overly complicated we as people have made things.  They have lived their entire life busting ass for tips they only get if their customer leaves les pissed off and callow than as they came.  She is a bar top shrink who has heard it all and knows more than one way to make a total freak of nature feel comfortable for the first time in his own skin.  She has never met me though.
   ,ÄúI,Äôm suffering from a pore perspective on one big fucking moral dilemma.,Äù I lean heavily on one hand.
   ,ÄúOh I see, your son a homo or somth,Äôn?,Äù she fiddles around in her breast pocket for a pack of cigarettes and a match.
   ,ÄúI just spent last night having the best sex of my life and when I woke up today I discovered that this girl was the daughter of a woman I brutally tortured, raped, and murdered about thirteen years ago.,Äù  She goes to light the cigarette but stops dead in her tracks, the flame of the match burning just off from its target.
   ,ÄúWell now I have heard every thing,Ķ it,Äôs on the house.,Äù Mortified she stands up and walks away.