I have 17 saved up, so here's the first 10:
1. Dear Tard: I am not actually in charge of anyone here. Nor would I want to be, because they are disgusting fleshy things that ooze fluids out of various orifices at times. Nor can I make them SHUT UP; believe me, I have tried. The fact that they say things that offend you is a problem in YOUR head, not mine. I am, like you, not an atheist. Unlike you, though, I do not believe that blasphemy is something that affects anyone other than the blasphemers themselves, and also unlike you, I feel that God has a sense of humor. You should try it yourself. It will make you more godly and less of an insufferable punter.
2. I never fucking said that the NFL is a good thing, or fun to watch. What I said was that you can't understand America without understanding the NFL. The distinction is not that difficult. Also, just because YOU don't like watching cars make left turns for 500 miles doesn't mean other people don't derive satisfaction from it. Would a NASCAR fan come take away your happy sock? Probably not. So leave them to THEIR fun and they'll leave YOU to YOURS.
3. Nigel and I ARE the same person. This affords us many benefits. She gets to stick her dick in all of us (At the same time. Don't ask.), and I get to show a little cleavage in the conference room when I want to get everyone to agree with me. Also, I look SMASHING in a sun dress on a hot Tucson day. I have a horrendous track record with boyfriends, though, and Nigel fucks my wife on a regular basis. Everyone involved is comfortable with this; don't question it.
4. No, "frottage" is NOT French for "cheese" (You're thinking "frommage"). Though I have to say that the resulting confusion could be funny.
5. I have never been to North Dakota, nor do I want to go there. So, no, it wasn't ME following you around. You might ask Nigel, though (see #3). Where do you freaks come from? Is there something in the fucking water? NOBODY IS FOLLOWING YOU AROUND. At least nobody from this board. Except maybe Richter. He isn't to be trusted.
6. Because my dick has an elbow. Nuff said.
7. While I appreciate the sentiment, and acknowledge my own geriatric sexiness, I am certainly NOT flying to England to do SCIENCE on you. Or whatever else you had in mind. I've seen enough bad crime dramas to know that I'd wake up in a tub full of ice, missing a kidney. And believe, me, I need BOTH of those fuckers; I eat a lot of Asian food, and I drink pulque. One kidney isn't going to make the nut. It would clog and back up, and then I'd have urine streaming out of my nostrils. Again. So allow me to suggest that you find a partner for your weirder ideas in an appropriate part of your own fair city. May I suggest Lambeth road? Rent boys are cheap there, I have heard, and they don't need EITHER of their kidneys.
8. Those of us here in Tucson hate you because we are dead and you are alive, and this makes us bitter and envious. Given half a chance, we will haunt your bathroom forever. Because it's better than Tucson, even if you have irritable bowel syndrome and lactose intolerance. Do not imagine that we wouldn't trade the rest of our eternity for your worst day. Or failing that, haunting the hell out of you. Are you ready for that? Are you ready to look in the bathroom mirror and see me standing behind you, with a GRIN on my face and nothing but black holes where my eyes ought to be? Good luck putting that make up on under THOSE circumstances, Sunshine. Muhaha.
9. The Facebook Discordians are like that weird cousin that gets too drunk at family get togethers, and then tries to fuck the dog. Go home, Facebook, you're drunk. Go see for yourself.
10. No, I don't know you. I don't want to know you, because you're a bad person. I have plenty of experience with bad people. LMNO and Nigel, for example. They are both absolute rotters, and would steal the shirt right off your back. LMNO is a vicious dope fiend who can't be allowed out in public without EoC, his handler. It's been tried, and they had to rename Pleasantville, MA, which is now "Deadham". Nigel was born wrong, and thinks everything in the world can be solved with a blow torch and some colored sand. She is also the reason you are so butthurt; her dick is jammed right up to your liver. I believe this has been explained...Her dick is in EVERYONE'S ass, which is why everyone's an asshole these days. Understandable, really.
(Remaining 7 to be rolled in with the next 3)
I like that someone in England wants you to SCIENCE them. That's entertaining. Especially if they weren't too specific, you could always just dump a tub of Richter sauce on them and see how long it takes for various limbs to melt.
Facebook Discordians? Hmmmm.
Quote from: Inge on June 09, 2014, 05:19:34 PM
Facebook Discordians? Hmmmm.
You'll love them.
Go to Facebook, search "The Discordian Society". Not "The Discordian Society 2014", just "The Discordian Society". Tell them Hamish sent you.
Quote from: Inge on June 09, 2014, 05:19:34 PM
Facebook Discordians? Hmmmm.
You'd probably get on there really well. :) It's a friendly place full of learning and sharing and wacky hijinx.
:lulz: I enjoy these SO much.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 09, 2014, 05:21:33 PM
Quote from: Inge on June 09, 2014, 05:19:34 PM
Facebook Discordians? Hmmmm.
You'd probably get on there really well. :) It's a friendly place full of learning and sharing and wacky hijinx.
This. Inge, also, take some time to get to know the user "Matt Kilbe". He's first rate.
Yarrr!
I would like to point out that, in order to solve at least one of my problems, a blow torch and colored sand would be a lovely, creative place to begin.
I know this is "anonymous" PM responses, but the third one is totally Scilon Agent or Rev. Stu
Quote from: Cain on June 09, 2014, 06:10:17 PM
I know this is "anonymous" PM responses, but the third one is totally Scilon Agent or Rev. Stu
I can neither confirm nor deny. :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 09, 2014, 05:09:56 PM
6. Because my dick has an elbow. Nuff said.
I'm going to be puzzling over what brought on that reply all day now.
THANKS A LOT, OBAMA.
Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on June 09, 2014, 06:13:18 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 09, 2014, 05:09:56 PM
6. Because my dick has an elbow. Nuff said.
I'm going to be puzzling over what brought on that reply all day now.
THANKS A LOT, OBAMA.
:hammer:
Every time I read a TGRR thread, something terrible crawls in my brain.
ELBOW DICK?
You had an elbow-dick crawl into your brain? I'm no expert, but that doesn't sound healthy,
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on June 09, 2014, 07:22:35 PM
Every time I read a TGRR thread, something terrible crawls in my brain.
This is a normal effect, and you shouldn't worry about it.
:lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 09, 2014, 07:28:37 PM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on June 09, 2014, 07:22:35 PM
Every time I read a TGRR thread, something terrible crawls in my brain.
This is a normal effect, and you shouldn't worry about it.
Unless, of course, he decides to bend at the elbow.
Quote from: Inge on June 09, 2014, 09:56:37 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 09, 2014, 07:28:37 PM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on June 09, 2014, 07:22:35 PM
Every time I read a TGRR thread, something terrible crawls in my brain.
This is a normal effect, and you shouldn't worry about it.
Unless, of course, he decides to bend at the elbow.
Nobody should even worry then, unless they're in the room with me.
It's enough to know it happens.
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 10, 2014, 04:02:17 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
Say that too loud and you'll be getting people from Wales and Belgium PM-ing you to SCIENCE them.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 10, 2014, 04:02:17 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
Holy Hell... quick, someone stamp him with a bendi!
Ugh. So much for reading.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 10, 2014, 04:02:17 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
I... I can't stop visualizing a horribly fur-covered Tyrannosaurus with penises for arms. :horrormirth:
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 10, 2014, 11:18:27 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 10, 2014, 04:02:17 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
I... I can't stop visualizing a horribly fur-covered Tyrannosaurus with penises for arms. :horrormirth:
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 11, 2014, 12:18:50 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 10, 2014, 11:18:27 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 10, 2014, 04:02:17 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
I... I can't stop visualizing a horribly fur-covered Tyrannosaurus with penises for arms. :horrormirth:
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE
In leopard print bikini-briefs with a hole in the back for the tail.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 11, 2014, 02:09:53 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 11, 2014, 12:18:50 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 10, 2014, 11:18:27 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 10, 2014, 04:02:17 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
I... I can't stop visualizing a horribly fur-covered Tyrannosaurus with penises for arms. :horrormirth:
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE
In leopard print bikini-briefs with a hole in the back for the tail.
TWID! DRAW THIS!!!
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 11, 2014, 02:09:53 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 11, 2014, 12:18:50 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 10, 2014, 11:18:27 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 10, 2014, 04:02:17 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
I... I can't stop visualizing a horribly fur-covered Tyrannosaurus with penises for arms. :horrormirth:
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE
In leopard print bikini-briefs with a hole in the back for the tail.
:eek: :eek: :eek:
...
:eek: :1fap:
Ahahahaha. I am laughing so loud my cat is crying.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 11, 2014, 02:09:53 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 11, 2014, 12:18:50 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 10, 2014, 11:18:27 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 10, 2014, 04:02:17 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
I... I can't stop visualizing a horribly fur-covered Tyrannosaurus with penises for arms. :horrormirth:
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE
In leopard print bikini-briefs with a hole in the back for the tail.
MARRY ME!
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 11, 2014, 02:09:53 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 11, 2014, 12:18:50 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 10, 2014, 11:18:27 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 10, 2014, 04:02:17 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
I... I can't stop visualizing a horribly fur-covered Tyrannosaurus with penises for arms. :horrormirth:
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE
In leopard print bikini-briefs with a hole in the back for the tail.
:lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 11, 2014, 01:50:51 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 11, 2014, 02:09:53 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 11, 2014, 12:18:50 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 10, 2014, 11:18:27 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 10, 2014, 04:02:17 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
I... I can't stop visualizing a horribly fur-covered Tyrannosaurus with penises for arms. :horrormirth:
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE
In leopard print bikini-briefs with a hole in the back for the tail.
MARRY ME!
Okay, but you have to wear the bikini-briefs at the wedding.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 11, 2014, 05:15:36 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 11, 2014, 01:50:51 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 11, 2014, 02:09:53 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 11, 2014, 12:18:50 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 10, 2014, 11:18:27 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 10, 2014, 04:02:17 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
I... I can't stop visualizing a horribly fur-covered Tyrannosaurus with penises for arms. :horrormirth:
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE
In leopard print bikini-briefs with a hole in the back for the tail.
MARRY ME!
Okay, but you have to wear the bikini-briefs at the wedding.
I'M OKAY WITH THAT.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 12, 2014, 12:49:23 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 11, 2014, 05:15:36 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 11, 2014, 01:50:51 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 11, 2014, 02:09:53 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 11, 2014, 12:18:50 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 10, 2014, 11:18:27 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 10, 2014, 04:02:17 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
I... I can't stop visualizing a horribly fur-covered Tyrannosaurus with penises for arms. :horrormirth:
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE
In leopard print bikini-briefs with a hole in the back for the tail.
MARRY ME!
Okay, but you have to wear the bikini-briefs at the wedding.
I'M OKAY WITH THAT.
Hot damn!
Also, "I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises." should totally be in the newsfeed.
Quote from: Luna on June 09, 2014, 05:59:28 PM
I would like to point out that, in order to solve at least one of my problems, a blow torch and colored sand would be a lovely, creative place to begin.
Upping the ante on melted wax. You've been hanging around with mad scientists, military vets, and bloody minded reenactors, havent you?
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 12, 2014, 03:45:10 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 12, 2014, 12:49:23 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 11, 2014, 05:15:36 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 11, 2014, 01:50:51 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 11, 2014, 02:09:53 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 11, 2014, 12:18:50 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 10, 2014, 11:18:27 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 10, 2014, 04:02:17 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 10, 2014, 03:58:41 AM
After reading the Elbow Dick thing and the shit TGRR says thread . . . I've got this image of Roger doing push-ups, except both his arms are penises with elbows. Where's Suu's new emote?
I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises.
I... I can't stop visualizing a horribly fur-covered Tyrannosaurus with penises for arms. :horrormirth:
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE
In leopard print bikini-briefs with a hole in the back for the tail.
MARRY ME!
Okay, but you have to wear the bikini-briefs at the wedding.
I'M OKAY WITH THAT.
Hot damn!
Also, "I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a head full of bad wiring and two penises." should totally be in the newsfeed.
CURRENT ART PROJECT
Quote from: Richter on June 15, 2014, 02:47:04 PM
Quote from: Luna on June 09, 2014, 05:59:28 PM
I would like to point out that, in order to solve at least one of my problems, a blow torch and colored sand would be a lovely, creative place to begin.
Upping the ante on melted wax. You've been hanging around with mad scientists, military vets, and bloody minded reenactors, havent you?
Does it show?
And I can come up with a number of ideas for the wax...
Quote from: Richter on June 15, 2014, 02:47:04 PM
Quote from: Luna on June 09, 2014, 05:59:28 PM
I would like to point out that, in order to solve at least one of my problems, a blow torch and colored sand would be a lovely, creative place to begin.
Upping the ante on melted wax. You've been hanging around with mad scientists, military vets, and bloody minded reenactors, havent you?
Admirably. Luna has a marvelous idea.