Quote from: Suu on December 14, 2011, 12:46:10 PM
Hola, Khore.
En Ingles, por favor.
Translated by Google Translator:
Source: :: View topic - Laynd in the Chapel Perilous
I have become mentally ready to die, losing reason.
I have suffered fear, so far as to think that he would die eaten alive.
Visual and auditory hallucinations, such as creating the right script, inventing false reason for my death. Giving resources to my mind to follow the tragicomedy that led me to the hospital one night in May. Lost was the only really interpret every phenomenon as a signal, color and meaning, interpreted and valued each number as a superstitious instructions to the "true" "reality", loss of sanity or reality map above. Each schedule or bar code tell me something, give me a meaning that would help me keep pulling forward.
Now I know that nothing is true.
That really depends on how you approach things, which is plural and mutable.
And the mind can be bent to extremes almost impossible.
Fortunately I left the Chapel Perilous, the psychotic break or whatever you want to call sane and without serious consequences. In a few months or years I'll be fully recovered if I have relapses and everything is fine. In my case the mental death invented reasons for physical death. And he almost succeeded.
- Written by Kirot, October 2010
"Once in Chapel Perilous, you begin to associate with such irrational things that keep the world sane"
Kirot was recorded in spring 2010 as a user in the user name deconditioning "Laynd." Almost the first thing he did was open a thread on the "Chapel Perilous" of Robert Anton Wilson to speak in his "Hammer Cosmic I", giving some clues about their way through that fearful place that some medicalize as psychosis, others consider the Less confrontation with the Guardian of the Threshold, and many simply summarized as "Initiation".
Now you have Kirot things from personal experience, and its proposal to develop these ideas with an interview format in which the keys trying to deepen their experiences. Forward:
+ There was a time before entering the chapel where the dangerous reality affirm that acted like you wanted. How did this start? Why do you think you started to manifest your will in this way?
The reality was on my side, then went into a state of Gnosis, feeling "connected to the power" accompanied by mild hallucinations such as seeing deified nature and see stars instead of UFOs. Besides, the burning heart, sweating breathing ... which gave pleasure and I felt like the guardian of the oracle in "Matrix" when Neo sees light in it ... I felt like something inside of me.
That was the control I had of things. Bliss, mystical ecstasy. Everything started to go wrong over time, because then I did not know what to expect ... and besides, I had the vague feeling that all sighed and looked at me wrong every time it goes near them. For example, a girl with face powder being denied check your symptoms clear for me to vent all their problems then me and happy and I end up leaving with a bad chest incredible energy.
Quote from: Kirot in Burbuja.infothe first thing I encounter is a bullshit aunt made me miserable status DENIED. I tell her and she pretends not too bad. I walk and I notice that I have to flee their fucking face if you do not want to "get back" the bad energy that seems much needed rest and I was full of shit. The face of the girl he was getting better and better as time went with her as I began to feel some heavy fucking shitty generated within me, do not overdo shit, can not rid of her, then got my friends and my former best friend seemed changed and I demanded to be accompanied as they once did. It's like I see it all backwards and vice versa and I do not know how to make me be happy again without "please" or hold the minds of others. After You probably many will believe that I've gone crazy, but my greatest enemies before, or people I thought I was being very false now are the ones who greet me on the street.
[...]
How would you describe what + to be "connected to the source"? What did you do that, was spontaneous, was a "test"? Have you been later?
It was spontaneous. I went from day to day not to have dandruff or circles, to have straight hair (formerly frizzy). I was completely mute and with an imperturbable peace ... was one of the best experiences of my life. (I suspect I could be possessed by some entity, because when my father scolded me too much, or the hospital itself, I moved the body alone and contracted at will reject something like ... it was very strange).
[Kirot later remember this] . I forgot. The state of being "connected to the source" of "gnosis" maximum happiness, was preceded by a strong stress who had suffered a few months ago.
+ This is very curious. You talk about stress, but just before you said it was spontaneous (which makes more interesting than you remembered this by insisting on it).
I'll explain my "suspicion". The Chapel Perilous necessarily manifests itself not only just so terrifying. The "rave" may be paranoid, but it can also be "greatness" or in general of a type that will rise instead of sink. It all depends on the spirit in which some points that outline your reality in a state of collapse. It also said that in your state of gnosis creabas changes around, ie, already synchronicity between.
That makes me think, but you will know better: what if you get into the "Chapel Perilous" not when things began to turn gnosis still active but when you mention you were connected to the source? That would mean that you would have gotten inside the chapel would now mention the stress of the previous months.
Maybe, because in fact what I did was rave into this new world of being connected to the source. Orgasmic state that almost made me consider the nature of reality completely. And this approach was when things started to think ... "Irrational" or quite distorted because I was totally absorbed in my state. Besides, was hypersensitive to everything around ... and felt the energies of others. He said it was all energy.
It was more or less like being 6 months loading stress, in a brutal way and then explode inside and send everything to take the ass (mentally) and I was left on the island connected to the source. Then I started to create change around at the state and began synchronicity.
+ I guess if we could be interesting to further identify the link between delusions (either paranoid or 'greatness') and the actual stress and problems you had before and you sent to hell, to what extent dealt with similar issues, or you came from outside what you rejected?. I do not know, maybe is there the point where things begin to spin.
Well, I guess everything happened in the village. Totally abnormal. My pressures forced me to break out and send to fuck my mother. I called psychopath. And finally, I spent an egg. From there I began to see everything from another perspective ... and I think that's when everything exploded inside. She remained impassive, my father did not say anything and I then asked my mother for forgiveness. But something had changed inside me. Then I started to behave very strange, I was just going out clothes "disastrous", I began to feel that they had because they suppress more. For example, I stopped laughing thank people, teachers ... I became an independent society. Then, there was a clause that expires in 1 day and the next began to "get at the source" to see nature and everything else deified.
+ Why do you think that then began to emerge that "vague feeling" paranoid? How did you evolve? Why you could not maintain this state of "connection to the source"
My parents began to worry about me, and in that state began to relate bad things. I thought it was a concern for something deeper than the obvious (that did not eat, I was elated and very active). At first it only bothered me his accusations towards me, but then I started to take it too seriously, I was finally about to run away from home, also felt the heart beat and felt strong energy pumping well as "dark" while he was throwing my parents heard growling in the process. Very strange, very afraid, grief and horror at the sight that was useless and that they continued growling like breathing monsters. Once I started I tried to escape to maintain a telepathic connection with "x", or so I thought (would be talking to myself mentally). To convince himself that they would kill me, besides, the noise of others in the room and huge booms were heard, the truth was very scared. I myself, my brain was going a mile a minute and could not stop and think that was happening at all.
+ Tell us, how did you end up in an asylum? How was your stay in the Chapel Perilous
Once in the Chapel Perilous, you begin to associate with such irrational things that keep the world sane, but you're feeling a strange feeling that you're dying and you start to hallucinate. It all started when being full in the Chapel Perilous in Lidl in my neighborhood, I saw girls who are responsible for managing the resources of the supermarket and other smile all the time with a smile demonic. I left the supermarket. I went home, on the way home listening to the radio all were having a bad day, all saying all along: not what I say, that took days now ... I begin to believe that I am causing events and unexplained phenomena around me. I connect to Counter Strike sorely missed at home and watch as all servers are hacked, I deconditioning and the page is down. I turn off the computer in the room begin to listen as the teacher yells E. Physics from the school:
-Ayudaa! Police!
I'll look out the window, and he is no longer lecturing. But a guy with sunglasses that do not know anything.
Return to the room, I hear the neighbor through the wall:
Vii-I! I saw it there! (The brother of this, he replies that he is saying), I saw there were sausages with that girl! I saw him! half crying.
I begin to despair, I take three tablets of Abilify and I lost not knowing what to do. (I entered the psychologist once, and left as I entered. I will not say what I did to enter the psychologist, there was something violent and my family realized I was not right in the head).
I go to bed with my father to watch TV. There is something impossible.
All broadcasters are working to change my belief system. Why? All they sent me personal messages in 2, changed what you know and win the set and just inside the door face appeared in the foreground of a woman in red staring at the viewer (I associate with "Matrix") in other public saw the sunglasses being without glasses and then normal I already have glasses but I start to associate going to kill the public because they were watching a scene (of violence I thought) and they laughed and others not. Those who had to die laughing. Then I start to believe they will do a national clean people, because the Aquarian age arrived. I saw security officers protect new ways of life that I saw on television as liars and even modes reportable. Something strange was going on since then, it is difficult to describe (yemeth organized to fit the story well).
I see two suns put on the television 2. I'm beginning to believe that 2012 is happening now. I also think that my parents want to take off or something. I have a mystical experience on a beach with my father. I come home and start to invent rituals to follow such sane, mudras hands was so long I do not believe that it would kill anyone and happen as I thought.
I start reading a book and begin to identify with the main story, as if I were the protagonist. In this book the author was the hero with a knife in the heart ... (I was on a belief system in which all were vampires who wanted to eat me alive, because he thought he reached this state of mind of the Chapel Perilous anything was possible ... and it meant that I was ready to be devoured ... and live vampire vampires prey die ... it would behoove the good thing is that as RAW said ... "If you do not see can not eat fnords."
At the end just the second time in the psychiatric ward, this time got 20 days here. Hallucinating and well fucked.
+ say you associate things irrationally, but at the same time there was a motivation behind the way in which you synchronize all your reality. What do you think there really might be happening?
Ugh, something beyond my comprehension. Perhaps a "suprainteligencia" behind Cosmic Coincidence Network working overtime as I said RAW. The frightening truth a lot, it seemed a dream and then a nightmare. I got to see everything upside down, even online. To associate and interpret (giving meaning) to numbers and colors so as not to go crazy. Needed to continue the script for my own pseudoracionalidad the time, and reality co-created the script with me. He showed me the mirrors. I do not know and could describe it better.
Quote from: Kirot in burbuja.infoI'll tell you a secret, the psychologist, in the center for the mentally ill, just by eating. What you see is a woman running gutted kicking the windows, where reality is that they are eating (or make them believe that, as an illusion in the end never comes to pass (such as death?). There a frequency where everything changes. I have lived and unforgettable magical moments there. The truth sometimes comes to impress, I have seen things truly impossible. synchronicities impossible. In order ...
How did you stabilize yourself and return to a "normal" life? Would you return to try to walk in that direction
Haloperidol and got steady me taking 15mg of Abilify apparently did not effect me in the hospital. And going back to re-enter the consensus reality, walking every morning one hour per doctor's order. Thus little by little every day I went back to "consensus reality".
Repeat the experience again but this time consciously and making sure that could stop whenever I wanted, or another state of Gnosis making sure ... that was what I brought down to reality. For in that state could not eat (the food was burning in the stomach) ... and I was so happy to do the things that seemed to me every day ... absurd. So I followed in that state ever since I could die of hunger that I did not care.
+ How do you feel now is stabilized
I feel the same as before you were in the Chapel Perilous, only more fearful that something might happen to me again the nightmare before.
+ Do you think that you will return there to face the Chapel? Have you made any plans about it?
I have doubts, it may happen (although the number of synchronicities would be very high), you can stop taking drugs that again for me ... I feel like I left something half (although almost died in the Hospital). But at any time can take shape again and immerse my self in the maze of shadows that fortunately went sane and alive.
+ What would you say to someone who was now experiencing its reality "rational" collapses, and to whom you are opening the doors of the chapel
First I read your essay on the Chapel Perilous.
Second to be brave and if you dare to explore the chapel because the effort and worth the scare ... long-term worth the experience. I see it almost like dying virgin or not. We must live the Chapel Perilous to know that life is "really".
"Everything you fear is waiting for you as a monster with open jaws in Chapel Perilous, but if one is armed with the magic wand of intuition, the Chalice of Sympathy, the Sword of Reason and the Pentacle of Valor, find out there according to legend, the Medicine of Metals, the Elixir of Life, the Philosopher's Stone, True Wisdom and Perfect Happiness. "
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