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Topics - Doktor Howl

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16
Apple Talk / Old Timey History Lessons with Dok.
« on: February 15, 2021, 03:57:15 pm »
#1:  Operation Plumbbob.

Once upon a time, kiddies, a man named Dr Robert Brownlee, from Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico, was asked to examine whether nuclear detonations could be conducted underground. I guess it was believed that this would be less polluting, though by then we knew our nukes worked and we were mostly doing it because it made a loud noise.

So in Operation Plumbbob, the bombs were placed in deep boreholes, and a 2000 pound steel manhole cover was placed at the top of the shaft.

The first test, the manhole cover just flat-up disappeared.  The second test, they ran the highest speed camera they could, and they got the steel cover moving in one (1) frame.  They were able to calculate the speed of the manhole cover from that, which came out to 69.5 miles per second.

That's higher than the static escape velocity of the Earth (7 MPS) and in fact of the solar system with a starting point of Earth's orbit. 

This test was conducted 29 times.

So we flung 1 ton manhole covers at random into interstellar space as often as we could.  Which I approve of.  It will give aliens a much clearer view of us than Voyager 1 did.  Specifically, it will tell them to stay the fuck away from us.  We don't want to be friends.  Fuck off. Go home.

17
Aneristic Illusions / UNLIMITED Biden thread (for good or for ill)
« on: January 22, 2021, 08:14:17 pm »
I'll start:

https://apnews.com/article/joe-biden-donald-trump-jen-psaki-national-security-terrorism-8ac769920a5a945ed1ccaf44d0906d99

Quote
WASHINGTON (AP) President Joe Biden has directed his intelligence community to study the threat of domestic extremism in the United States, an undertaking being launched weeks after a violent mob loyal to Donald Trump stormed the U.S. Capitol.

The disclosure Friday by White House press secretary Jen Psaki is a stark acknowledgment of the national security threat that officials see as posed by American extremists motivated to violence by extremist ideology. The involvement of the director of national intelligence, an office created after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks to prevent international terrorism, suggests that American authorities are examining how to pivot to a more concerted focus on violence from radical extremists at home.

More at link.

18
Aneristic Illusions / So, how's that Brexit thing coming along?
« on: January 22, 2021, 12:49:47 am »
We're not hearing much over here, mostly on account of the news is preoccupied with the presidential thing.

20
Apple Talk / The Day Before The Day (Hey, Louie)
« on: January 19, 2021, 06:32:00 pm »
Louie,

Well, by my watch, it is 22 hours and 43 minutes until the inauguration.  This makes me feel good, because Trump is leaving, but I am also filled with apprehension because of what the boogs might get up to.  They've already had to removed 2 national guardsmen from the guard for militia ties, and they've arrested over 125 people from the opening act of the insurrection. 

In the meantime, I keep hearing MAGA freaks scorning Biden's promise of "unity".  I'm not happy about that myself.  I don't want to unify with traitors and insurrectionists.  I'd rather just unify with the people that are still SANE and (somewhat) NORMAL.  As for the boogs and the guys walking around in confederate and/or Nazi gear, it would be more proper to reunite them with bricks.   

What really gets me, though, is those on the LEFT that want to "unite," that want "compromise".  We saw the compromise we got when they were in power (Merrick Garland, anyone?) even BEFORE Trump.  Anyone who wants to HEAL and UNITE and COMPROMISE with these freaks is free to do so.  But remember that old German joke about the guy sitting at a table with 5 Nazis.  You get 6 Nazis, as far as the rest of the country is concerned.

These are times that do not call for compromise. 

Or power-sharing, which is - and make no mistake about this - what the right thinks of when they hear anything like "compromise" or "healing" or "unity."

No, this are times that call for scaring the roaches back under the refrigerator.   

Now, I will maintain that we owe these traitors nothing at all, but in the sake of "reaching across the aisle," I saw we give them our GRINS.  And none of this half-hearted stuff, either.  I meant the kind of GRIN that makes their poop want to run away without them, and causes uninvolved people to scoot to the other side of the bus.

They though this was their time.  They were, as always, wrong.

This is OUR time.

Yours in the burning of the whole mess,
Hamish

22
Apple Talk / Two Weeks Left (Hey, Louie)
« on: December 25, 2020, 12:04:42 am »
Louie,

Nobody expected 2020.  Even Trump got caught flat-footed, and he had more warning than any of us did.  He has managed to be a one-person disinformation feedback loop.  If he had been capable of seeing past the very next headline, he could have painted himself as the next FDR.  Seriously, if he had proclaimed the pandemic as a difficult challenge, but one that we were up to, he would have buried Biden alive at the polls.  But he couldn't seem to see the world - and the political potential - as anything other than what he wanted it to be.

It seems easy to laugh at him for that.  And you and I DO laugh at him, but not for that.  We didn't see any of this crap coming, either.  Hell, we didn't see TRUMP coming, did we?  50 months ago, Trump was the next Sarah Palin, a clown show that was there for us to chuckle about and hurl rotten fruit at.

How'd that work out?

Now, I remember what you were saying back then, you accelerationist son of a bitch.  You were telling me how 4 years of Trump would "teach us a lesson" and that four years of this arse biscuit was better than four more years of corporatism.  You didn't seem to think it would ever actually happen, and that if it DID happen, it wouldn't really be real.  And then once he got in and it WAS really that bad, you doubled down.  You stuck yourself in a bad signal loop, and spent all your time bitching at the moderates in an orgy of false comparisons that existed only in your head and the heads of your fellow travelers.  Which leads me to think the horseshoe theory really might have something going for it.

Because, and this is the very soul of 2020, you were mad that people wanted their model and not yours.  You are not very far different from 70 million asshats who still refuse to believe that Trump lost.  Not because they really think there was fraud, but because they want THEIR way, and they were told that they could have it no matter what, and even IF they didn't get it, they could just burn everything down to TELL US WHAT.

So I have angry populists to the right of me and angry populists to the left of me.  It is hard to explain how this makes me feel without actually violating the law.  God KNOWS I hate dumbass hominids, and he put me here ANYWAY.

So Louie, when you next decide to come around here spouting your shit about how the two parties are the same and why doesn't anyone ever listen to the "rational left," expect the same reception the MAGA freaks would get.  Which would be me and the family with baseball bats, you asshole.

More sincerely than may be strictly necessary,
Hamish

23
Apple Talk / Obscure jokes thread
« on: December 17, 2020, 08:25:58 pm »
5 crows circle a field.  They are then arrested.

24
Apple Talk / Never Look Back (Hey Louie)
« on: December 17, 2020, 07:18:42 pm »
Louie,

I've had it up to here with your bitching about how this pandemic has ruined your life.  Seriously, this is not something someone arranged to make your life more difficult, it is not someone's fault, it is just the way the world operates.  Plagues are part of the normal human condition, and we've been spoiled for a very long time on this particular topic.

So no, we can't just ignore it and go for "herd immunity."  That's not how herd immunity works.  Smallpox had its way with us for no less than 15,000 years, and we never developed herd immunity until we had a vaccine.  Only now we have a vaccine and you don't want it.  Just like you don't want any of the OTHER ways of mitigating the virus, AND you don't want lockdowns (which is what you get when you don't do all that other shit.)

And even if there weren't any lockdowns, nobody is going out to the pub or whatnot, because THEY DON'T FEEL LIKE DYING FOR YOUR ECONOMIC IDEALS.

How selfish of them, right?

In any case, we're moving forward.  You don't have to move forward for us, but we will not slow down to let you catch up if you change your mind, and we're not looking back.  You will be a curiosity, some dude we used to know that died in a stupid way.  At best, nobody will want to think about you.  At worst, you'll be a joke told at parties...once we can have parties again, shortly after the plague rats all die off.

And there you have it, Louie.  Don't ever look back.  Accept that things change and sometimes things are lost or just over forever, and move along with your life.

Or don't.  We can always just nail your door shut and paint it yellow, like back in the good old days.

Venomously yours,
Hamish

25
Apple Talk / Unity (Hey, Louie)
« on: December 15, 2020, 06:47:08 pm »
Louie,

I keep hearing republicans crying about the continued verbal abuse from democrats/liberals/some progressives after Biden called for unity.  Well, the thing is, we didn't include them in our unity.  We united without them.  Biden may not have intended this, but Biden isn't God.  He's The Guy That Ran Against Trump, and is president simply because the alternative was so awful.

I don't WANT to unite with Proudboys.  I don't WANT to unite with Rick Warren or Rush Limbaugh, or Hannity.  I want to put them in a shipping container and drop it into the ocean off of Newfoundland.

This may sound a little over the top.  Harsh times, man.  They have had their way for too long and they have shat all over the place, and the situation with regard to them is unsalvageable.  There is nothing left to do but kick them right back up into their old man's urethra, and then have their fathers deported to any foreign land that will have them...Or maybe we can forgo all that bad noise and just ship them to the Aleutian Islands and let them have their capitalism all by themselves.  There are no trees on those islands, they won't be building any rafts to come back and give us trouble.

Then we can all smile at Joe Biden as he enters office.  No, the OTHER kind of smile.  The one that makes your poop try to run away without you.

Up the revolution, you yammering gasbag,
Hamish

 

26
Apple Talk / Holy fuck, everything DID default to main.
« on: December 15, 2020, 03:45:19 am »
CHEF, YUO HAVE SOME SPLAININ' TO DO!

Quote
A 40-year-old man riding a scooter was shot in San Francisco's SoMa neighborhood on Friday, the San Francisco Police Department said Monday.

Police responded to the incident at 4:12 p.m. and found the victim suffering from non-life-threatening injuries at Columbia Square near Sixth and Minna streets.

https://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Man-shot-scooter-SoMa-San-Francisco-15800708.php

 :lulz::hammer: :lulz:

27
Apple Talk / The EPA Oversight Blues (Hey Louie)
« on: December 11, 2020, 05:07:32 pm »
Hey Louie,

Just a few minutes to drop a line before meeting the EPA geeks out at the test site.  They're all up in a tizzy about a little Chrome 6 in the discharge WELL OKAY, SOME RADIATION TOO BUT STILL.  It's not like we're discharging to grade, for Chrissakes.  It is not going into groundwater, it is going into a big-ass lined tank and then shipped off by the appropriate people to a location that I am assured is appropriate.  And THIS time, there is nobody nicknamed "The Fish" involved.  It is a reputable, respectable, and bonded waste management firm.

Nobody can say that I am not concerned about the environment. 

Where do these EPA freaks come from?  Why do they all have generic names, receding hairlines, and all wear shitty off the rack suits?  It's like being cited for jaywalking by Agent Smith. But also with requests like "We'd like digital copies of your hazardous waste manifests going back to 1979, please."  Am I the only person that sees the flaw in that question?

We have coal mining companies dumping slurry into streams and lakes and nobody says a WORD, but have a Geiger counter squeak a little bit in a multi-zoned area and everyone loses their Goddamn mind.

Can't they see that there's SCIENCE to be done?  I mean, I applaud their diligence, but surely someone else could deal with this crap.  We could use the company's junior attorney.  Threaten to cut off his cocaine supply, and stick him in a Tivek suit.  He needs the practical experience required to be a corporate attorney, and he won't get that trying to chat up the AR/AP lady during the soul-breaking Friday Pizza Party.

Anyway, that's all I got.

Sincerely,
Hamish

28
Apple Talk / ATTENTION
« on: December 08, 2020, 06:44:26 pm »
If you are one in a million, then there are 7,800 people just like you and we only need one.

So watch it, buster.

29
Apple Talk / 5 Year Wrap Up (Hey Louie)
« on: December 08, 2020, 04:26:35 pm »
Louie,

It's been a long cold road since the fall of 2015.  Many smart people have torqued themselves up & spun off to explode in busy intersections.  Trump has arrived, and (presumably) will now be leaving.  Nobody felt the bern.  Mass shootings were a fad that lasted a few years, to say nothing of endless wildfires and a world-spanning plague.  Murder hornets.  You get the idea.  Every day brings another existential threat to our species, and all I can say is

I TOLD YOU SO.

I called all this shit years ago, and I don't even really get to publicly gloat over this sort of prophecy...On account of 80% of my friends ghosted me when I caused some lady undue "emotional labor" by not agreeing that myself, my wife, and my kids were all shit-heeled Nazis because we thought Bernie Sanders was a better candidate than Hillary Clinton.  And NOW I'm told by the few that still speak to me that I'm "too centrist".  HAW HAW!  Fuck you.  I shit on you all.  Go back to kissing on that ass to assuage your guilt for existing.

Whoops.  Got a little sidetracked there.  I meant to talk about 2020 and here I am rehashing old gripes.

But it also occurs to me that that is what 2020 IS.  A collection of old, unaddressed gripes.  Trump is here because of the left/right feud that started with Nixon's Southern Strategy.  The plague is here because half the population (and it is NOT divided along party lines) doesn't trust science because science is hard and they are special little snowflakes.  So they drink kale smoothies or just "walk it off" and won't wear a mask and for SURE won't trust a vaccination (despite the vaccination effort being the largest scientific mobilization in history, dwarfing the Manhattan Project and both sides of the space race combined.)  They don't trust it because they aren't "lemmings" or "sheeple" while you and I stand there watching in horrified awe. 

And so we are doomed by ancient butthurt and ignorance.  But you knew that.

Yours Truly,
Dok



PS:  Louie, if you're one of the people that ghosted me, you can *keep* ghosting me.  You weren't asked by me to make a choice, but you were asked, and I guess you did.  See how that treats you down the road.  Asshole.







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