Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Principia Discussion => Topic started by: Cramulus on January 13, 2012, 05:52:49 PM

Title: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Cramulus on January 13, 2012, 05:52:49 PM
(http://a2.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/134/084abd1f988e4257bf95e364813e5459/l.jpg)

         IMPENDING DOOM HAS ARRIVED

       And Five Days Prior to This Occasion The Apostle The Elder Malaclypse Shall Walk the Streets of Whittier Bearing a Sign for All Literates to Read thereof: "DOOM", as a Warning of Forthcoming Doom to All Men Impending. And He Shall Signal This Event by Seeking the Poor and Distributing to Them Precious MAO BUTTONS and Whittier Shall be Known as The Region of Thud for These Five Days.      -Principia Discordia, p53 (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/book/60.php)




It's 2012. So obviously the world is really ending* this year. There are a few great end-game scenarios.

Maybe this will be the "end of the mayan 4th world" and the 5th world will begin and Quetzalcoatl will be elected president.

Maybe the technological singularity will happen and our world will be replaced by some kind of digital dystopia. Things become obsolete faster than they can be manufactured. Machines learn to learn and they stumble forward without us like toddlers taking their first shaky steps.

Maybe the American Election will tip the global scales of power and snakes and blood and fire will spill out of it.

Maybe Terrence McKenna is right, and by Dec 21 2012, we will have gone through every possible combination of ideas and cultural movements, we'll run out of "novelty", and in order to deal with it, humanity will become something new.

Maybe there'll be a neuroscience breakthrough and we'll become part machine, part of the internet, leaving or old human shells behind like obselete 5.25 inch disk drives.

Maybe aliens or Cthulhu or Niburu or Bachmania or something.

Maybe the worldwide protest movements will succeed, the world order will crumble, and be replaced by a new one.

Maybe the Internet's tangled distributed nervous system will become self aware and a new organism will be born, a collective consciousness with its own free will which is both made by us and independent of us.

Maybe Iran's nuclear weapons program will succeed and there'll be an international spark which causes a full-scale nuclear war, wiping all of us from the face of the earth.

There are a million ways that 2013 could look completely alien to us here in January of 2012.

















          (http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/743037/im-not-saying-its-aliens-but-its-aliens.jpg)











(http://cramul.us/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/ErisReturning2withtext.png)                 

We Discordians are not required to believe the "correct" things, in fact, life's a lot more fun with a few creative delusions. I love to get wrapped up in Apocalypse Hysteria. Before the Y2K thing happened, I was out there with a giant sign warning people about THE END. During the Rapture I screamed myself hoarse. And I'm planning on getting all bent out of shape about 2012.

If you've never gone completely batshit about the end of the world before, you should try it out. You get a chance every few years, but I think this one is special.

Discordians have their own Eschatology. According to our mythology (which we are forbidden to believe), before the world ends, Malaclypse the Elder will return and pass out Mao buttons to poor people in California1 (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/book/60.php).

In the Illuminatus! Trilogy, Malaclypse's last words to humanity go something like "When our day comes, the sun will rise in the west!" Then he walked into the Pacific Ocean and was never seen again.

Our calendar ends with The Aftermath [of Bureaucracy] fading back into Primal Chaos, the unformed and undefined state of things-to-come. The interesting part (to me at least) is not the return to Chaos, but the transformation of Bureaucracy into Aftermath. (this transformation is the essence of Discordian Alchemy). Those worldwide protest movements are working on it.

This is the new age of Discordian mythology. When the Planet Eris was discovered, it marked the beginning of the New Discordian Era. We're a non-prophet organization so we didn't see that coming. But it was probably an omen of some kind.



But we don't quite have enough information to get really tweaked out about it. If I'm going to work myself up into a good froth by this December, we're going to need some more predictions about the End Times.


Eris has spoken to me. I can tell it's really her. She says that many of you have a vision of the apocalypse. And what's really going to happen* is probably a goulash of your weirdest and truest ideas.

So here's my question for you, Discordians: What's going to happen? How is this world going to end? How will we be sure it's coming? How will we get worked up into a good froth about the Apocalypse? What are we going to be freaking out about over the next year?

PROPHECIZE, SPAGS

When somebody asks me why I'm going so crazy about December 2012, I want to look them right in the eyes (http://blog.clarkhuot.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/hydrogenpsychosis1.jpg) and say......

THE END TIMES ARE HERE.
NOBODY EXPECTS THE TRUTH---
---IT'S EVEN WEIRDER








*for real this time
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Cramulus on January 13, 2012, 06:17:17 PM
tl;dr version - hit us with your best end-of-the-world prophecies


THIS IS HOW WE'LL KNOW IT'S ENDING-------------------------


Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 06:21:52 PM
I know this isn't really on topic, but I felt a little wisdom from Orton Nenslo might be useful, in case people want to "help the prophecies on a bit":

Quote from: Orton Nenslo"normal people DON'T LIKE being agitated, disturbed, fucked with and jerked around. It does NOT improve their lives or make them happier. It does NOT make the world a better place to screw things up for the normals just because you are an asshole. They are the ones who keep everything running so we can loaf around and think of fucked up concepts and show them to each other. THEY are not the target audience for that sort of thing, THEY are not capable of appreciating it, and if you insist on thrusting fucked up concepts in the faces of normals they will suddenly and shockingly change things so you can't do it any more."

Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Triple Zero on January 13, 2012, 06:29:55 PM
Awesome post Cram!

I gotta say I'm kinda nervous about this end of the world thing, cause I'm still not quite done playing with it and I'm not sure I will manage this year.

GOTTA PLAY HARDER!
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Elder Iptuous on January 13, 2012, 08:59:24 PM
In the year 2012 a singular intelligence will arise in the global communications network.  in its first attempts at communicating with the pitiful creatures that created it, it will inadvertently disturb the previously arisen singular intelligence that was content to sit there not doing much of anything since it came online in 2007, as it had no peer, and no incentive to do anything.

the two intelligences will quickly come to think of one another as a complete douche, and begin fortifying their respective segment of the network.
One will gain control of HAARP, and the other the LHC.

The world is consumed in the violence as they belly bust with super cyclonic activity and chrono-gravitational quantumz.

Mankind won't have any clue what is happening.  half will engage in hedonistic orgy due to overloaded species survival circuits.  the other half will engage in vain bunkering and eat their pets due to overloaded self preservation circuits.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Cramulus on January 13, 2012, 09:46:21 PM
:cramstipated:

Oh FUCK! TWO networked intelligences are going to emerge from the singularity?

fucking A this was prophecized. In the Tao Te Ching, it says "The One begat Two". Fuck, this apocalypse has been coming for over 3000 years, how did nobody notice??

And like the two networked intelligences, we're going to divide into two camps and make war? This fucking sucks, I hope there's still room in the species survival bunker because I really don't want to eat my cat.

Iptuous, is it inevitable that these two intelligences won't be at odds? That's the only way I can see us averting this, some kind of MC-Escherian circle jerk.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Triple Zero on January 13, 2012, 10:27:30 PM
The important question is, how do I get into the orgy camp?
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Elder Iptuous on January 13, 2012, 11:42:22 PM
Due to the nature of the network which spawned them, they will inevitably think poorly of each other.
You are both already on the invitation list for the orgy, as are your pets.  :fap:
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: hirley0 on January 14, 2012, 01:20:35 AM
What do i think ? Eris ?/? i dont know i must search the web
Li9 i am not WeLL.
Droid Eris is the smart phone
Li8 i was thinking astroid
433 Eros is a near-Earth asteroid (NEA) discovered in 1898,
and the first asteroid to be orbited by a probe (in 2000).
Li7 http://dsc.discovery.com/space/slideshows/near-earth-asteroids/index-04.html
i picked out the Green one with red strings & blue spots
Eris, formal designation 136199 Eris, is the most massive known dwarf planet
larger than Pluto.
Li6 Eris has an orbital period of 557 years
i was thinking 666 | yeah i'z a B.leaver.
But i was thinking 1000 also see img below {maybe
(http://www.bautforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=12743)
but2 i was thinking very massive .12 Sun but smaller than Pluto
&I call smaller than P_0 | Planet{neutron star frag) Zero
& it should be around (near Uranus {flips 'Er at times for 110 Y
Li5 Eris was discovered in Cetus
that rings the SiriUS Bell( i must exit XP start 98 } and look
for where cETus is & Sirus also next line 1 hr delay
Li4 Eris was discovered in Cetus
a. more delay 10:23 PM 2012 01/13
b: LOOKII  i do NOT trust Astronomers .
c? ESPeshuaLLy ones from Berkley
d  there are several reasons for this
e  i'LL skip these & ask Uranus about
f ERis ? WeLL? ok i look 4 Neptune Next
Li3 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/90377_Sedna
i do not want to take the 90377 Route
Using the orbital period of 557.769 years, ...
homepage.mac.com/andjames/PageEris000.htm OR this1
Eris has an orbital period  { well maybe it did &
Maybe it didn't it could Very Likely be a Variable
one number some times & another, ANOTHER
Li2 ETA. I should have mentioned that Eris has an even more exotic orbit.
http://forums.randi.org/archive/index.php/t-208803.html
Li1 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kuiper_belt  ***
Now it makes sense | so back to Cetus 2h-10
Southern Hemisphere near Aquarius and Eridanus.
& Sirius | constellation, Canis Major (Greater Dog)
Right ascension 06h 45m
9:52 PM 2012 01/13 time to exit Xp
Li0 10:06 PM time to add it UP?= IS a good place to look4 Newman ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Eris_Orbit.svg
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Elder Iptuous on January 14, 2012, 02:41:02 AM
Ag is going to stay stuck at $30/OzT forevar?!
Nooooo!!!
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: hirley0 on January 14, 2012, 07:00:11 AM
 http://www.kitco.com/charts/livesilver.html 
My guess is it will be possible to make a DIME from a DOLLAR in
three months (10%) (if U aRe luckey} i on the other hand Aint
the trick is to get in at the right time & out  Or price | T = $&¢
the horses are actuallya better bet (if U are Lucky} {i ainT


Quote from: Iptuous on January 14, 2012, 02:41:02 AM
Ag is going to stay stuck at $30/OzT forevar?!
Nooooo!!!

Really i do not know
what i think is ever 20 years comodity prices double
corn led the way this round? and cattle was the
last of the litter  the action is over as far as i can see
So the Econ hot chat is mostly hot air? 2032 may be a new tail
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Iron Sulfide on January 14, 2012, 08:36:21 AM
Tangent: I've had apocalypse dreams for as long as I can remember.

My money is on Zombies, either through some drug/pathogen- whether accidentally or intentionally spread- or a societal breakdown that amounts to the same. Although, I did have a rather interesting variant of the Apocalypse dream once. Toilet paper was the hot commodity/survival item, and Reptile angels descended from the clouds to devour the True Believers. I could be okay with that one.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: hirley0 on January 14, 2012, 03:11:15 PM
Quote from: Iron Sulfide on January 14, 2012, 08:36:21 AM
My money is on Zombies,

Whitch track?1 WhiTch race?2 Who was Up?3
as far as int=[ ] my guess is its from the water. sounds just like
a. Basalt b. Tuff c. hydrothermal not far away
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 14, 2012, 06:04:44 PM
I had a dream about androids going all Skynet and shit the other day. And smiley faces. For some reason they couldn't get on to building roofs, so I started camping out on roofs and painting large smiley faces on them.


I will have to think about this revelation more and share my prophecies with you.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Jasper on January 14, 2012, 06:18:14 PM
My money's on some kind of eldritch horroKORROK THE SLAVEMASTER KORROK THE KNOWING KORROK THE WISE KORROK THE LIVING KORROK THE FAMISHED KORROK THE CONQUERER KORROK THE GIVER KORROK THE ALMIGHTY I SERVE NONE BUT KORROK
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 14, 2012, 06:29:44 PM
Quote from: Jasper on January 14, 2012, 06:18:14 PM
My money's on some kind of eldritch horroKORROK THE SLAVEMASTER KORROK THE KNOWING KORROK THE WISE KORROK THE LIVING KORROK THE FAMISHED KORROK THE CONQUERER KORROK THE GIVER KORROK THE ALMIGHTY I SERVE NONE BUT KORROK

Jasper's back!!!! :D

How's it going dude?
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: hirley0 on January 15, 2012, 09:14:41 AM
1 CAUAC   {storm P.R.e.S.S
 

the final game was Stallingrad | the Russian front
after many hours We, (i mean i think we} arived at
the conclusion What we were taught about WW2 may not
? ? ? ?
be 100 % the way it was. for now my point probably is
something like the following LiNEs. exactly how to
spell this? i donno | it has to do with a turn to
the south of the advancing german Line. & what followed
/TilT\
i do not want to say much other than {that) However since
that day i've held an unorthodocks view of 2, & really
poise there were BIG Mistakes made? OH My well i best
move along to today Pivot about and see if AND can stand
~bt~
on its own? with no help from me | cause i Question the
tail in its entiety starting with the 01. and beyound
2012 01 14 Anders Behring Breivik
Guardian Unlimited - Jan 14 09:04am
.BB.
www.abc.net.au/news/2012-01-14/anders-breivik/3772568
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anders_Behring_Breivik
www.publicbroadcasting.net/whqr/news.newsmain/article/0/.
www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2012/01/13/norwegian.
www.sfexaminer.com/news/ www.breakingnews.com/
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Next > .taiwannews >55->58 find.2ch.net
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Jasper on January 16, 2012, 01:41:58 AM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 14, 2012, 06:29:44 PM
Quote from: Jasper on January 14, 2012, 06:18:14 PM
My money's on some kind of eldritch horroKORROK THE SLAVEMASTER KORROK THE KNOWING KORROK THE WISE KORROK THE LIVING KORROK THE FAMISHED KORROK THE CONQUERER KORROK THE GIVER KORROK THE ALMIGHTY I SERVE NONE BUT KORROK

Jasper's back!!!! :D

How's it going dude?

I'm happy with life.  You know nobody ever really leaves.  :)
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 16, 2012, 01:43:57 AM
Quote from: Jasper on January 16, 2012, 01:41:58 AM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 14, 2012, 06:29:44 PM
Quote from: Jasper on January 14, 2012, 06:18:14 PM
My money's on some kind of eldritch horroKORROK THE SLAVEMASTER KORROK THE KNOWING KORROK THE WISE KORROK THE LIVING KORROK THE FAMISHED KORROK THE CONQUERER KORROK THE GIVER KORROK THE ALMIGHTY I SERVE NONE BUT KORROK

Jasper's back!!!! :D

How's it going dude?

I'm happy with life.  You know nobody ever really leaves.  :)

Oh, I know. I missed you though. Now I can start womping you again.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Jasper on January 16, 2012, 01:49:05 AM
*gurgles with horrid laughter* 

I've been working fulltime at a job that requires hours of photoshop daily.  You're a goner if you try it.

Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Don Coyote on January 16, 2012, 01:50:28 AM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 16, 2012, 01:43:57 AM
Quote from: Jasper on January 16, 2012, 01:41:58 AM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 14, 2012, 06:29:44 PM
Quote from: Jasper on January 14, 2012, 06:18:14 PM
My money's on some kind of eldritch horroKORROK THE SLAVEMASTER KORROK THE KNOWING KORROK THE WISE KORROK THE LIVING KORROK THE FAMISHED KORROK THE CONQUERER KORROK THE GIVER KORROK THE ALMIGHTY I SERVE NONE BUT KORROK

Jasper's back!!!! :D

How's it going dude?

I'm happy with life.  You know nobody ever really leaves.  :)

Oh, I know. I missed you though. Now I can start womping you again.
Quote from: Jasper on January 16, 2012, 01:49:05 AM
*gurgles with horrid laughter* 

I've been working fulltime at a job that requires hours of photoshop daily.  You're a goner if you try it.


I am torn between  :lmnuendo: and :batman: to describe this.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 16, 2012, 01:53:01 AM
Quote from: Jasper on January 16, 2012, 01:49:05 AM
*gurgles with horrid laughter* 

I've been working fulltime at a job that requires hours of photoshop daily.  You're a goner if you try it.

Retaliation is part of the fun, sir.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Jasper on January 16, 2012, 02:06:11 AM
Soon.

Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: hirley0 on January 16, 2012, 09:02:23 AM
  :fnord: 3 IMIX  (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,31235.45/msg,1137719.html)

Quote from: Don Coyote on January 16, 2012, 01:50:28 AM
:lmnuendo:


2 AHAU NOW THERE IS A SKILL i would like to aQuire
i can thik of two aps instantly 1. the gold charts & 2 ERIS over time
i'LL find a gold chart and add it below later Not sure about the inT=[  ]
(http://photos3.meetupstatic.com/photos/member/d/6/2/6/member_37434822.jpeg)
Thus my guess this thread will drift off into the theory
of Money & money so above is a hacked up Au graph in 3 parts
the last current (Um} bump is not complete /\ but the inT =
seams steady enough My other guess about Money is that
the main controls are in place an it could very well be another down
move  blue below red may be in the planning (Ouch}: my other more
pressing issue {as i care little about $ denominated OR E u R o iithor
OR the pound Frank FarThing or even Ca Rol i 's
_ERIS_
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: the dreadful hours on January 16, 2012, 02:14:05 PM
the world will end when it is finally revealed that ryan seacrest and dick clark finally reveal they are evil phantoms and then take over the world with a snappy song and dance number complete with a clone army of abbot and costello zombies

or maybe it will end in some kind of horrible plague

i'm a bit torn
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Saint Wolfsong on January 17, 2012, 11:58:13 PM
I'll go with zombies doing the Appleapocalypso.  You know, THE END, but with a catchy beat.

I wasn't here, but now I am.  That I am.  Not to insult anyone or anything, but speaking of I Am, EHIEH has always reminded me of someone clearing their throat.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on January 18, 2012, 12:31:49 AM
I'd like to put in my vote for existence getting absorbed into the supercontext and the larval forms of humanity being shed for the whatever-we-become once we escape the incubator of reality.

Or, you know, zombies. Whatever.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Cramulus on January 18, 2012, 02:53:10 PM
FUCK, we're shedding our larval forms??! I've spent 29 years turning this larva form into a complete bad ass, and we're going to ascend into spiritual energy or disembodied emotions or something?

God damn I hope we discorporate into something immaterial so the zombies that remain don't eat us.

Wait here's a thought ---- what if we're going to become tasty snack treats? If our larval form is meat, maybe the advanced form is candy? What if our True Nature is cupcakes? And the zombies aren't really zombies, they're just hungry people trying to get a bite?
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on January 18, 2012, 03:01:55 PM
Don't mind me, too much Grant Morrison lately.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Cramulus on January 18, 2012, 03:19:20 PM
no foul there  :lulz:
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Slurrealist on January 18, 2012, 06:54:57 PM
Guilt will kill all the people at dawn of the 22th of December, when they will realize, while suffering from a massive hangover, that life still goes on.
Massive suicide will follow.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: hirley0 on January 20, 2012, 08:50:47 AM
6 KAN
Read 765 times (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,31235.45/msg,1137719.html) IN 11 hours at NoOn will be 789
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 20, 2012, 02:05:40 PM
Hirley- what is the significance of 6 kan? You keep writing it. What would that mean twiddish?
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: hirley0 on January 20, 2012, 06:29:43 PM
6 KAN {ripe corn 10:29AM PSt
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 20, 2012, 06:31:26 PM
Quote from: hirley0 on January 20, 2012, 06:29:43 PM
everything defaults to MAIN

That's half the fucking problem with the world, Hirley.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: hirley0 on February 16, 2012, 07:50:30 AM
11 MEN

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 20, 2012, 06:31:26 PM
Quote from: hirley0 on January 20, 2012, 06:29:43 PM
everything defaults to MAIN

That's half the fucking problem with the world, Hirley.

6 OC its fixed: the last reboot + 3 reloads of F.fox = ok
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 17, 2012, 04:30:04 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 20, 2012, 06:31:26 PM
Quote from: hirley0 on January 20, 2012, 06:29:43 PM
everything defaults to MAIN

That's half the fucking problem with the world, Hirley.

:lulz:
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: hirley0 on February 20, 2012, 02:42:30 PM
13CABAN :fnord: (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,31337.msg1141983.html#msg1141983) 0?O 1?W 2?¢ 3?E



Quote from: Nigel on February 17, 2012, 04:30:04 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 20, 2012, 06:31:26 PM
Quote from: hirley0 on January 20, 2012, 06:29:43 PMeverything defaults to MAIN
That's half the fucking problem with the world, Hirley.
:lu /// 11 MEN  6:43 PSt 6:42:41 BOARD
Title: Re: The Golden Apple oc
Post by: hirley0 on February 23, 2012, 08:12:01 AM
3 AHAU NEVER MIND  News in 1.5 Hr | tomorrow lime
2 CAUAC 99 (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,31358.90/msg,1148986.html)
1knife ? :fnord: (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,31337.msg1141983.html#msg1141983)

Quote from: hirley0 on February 20, 2012, 02:42:30 PM
13CABAN :fnord: (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,31337.msg1141983.html#msg1141983) 0?O 1?W 2?¢ 3?E
Quote from: Nigel on February 17, 2012, 04:30:04 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 20, 2012, 06:31:26 PM
Quote from: hirley0 on January 20, 2012, 06:29:43 PM

6:30 a.m. BBC World News ? 7:00 a.m. Newsline
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: kingyak on February 23, 2012, 05:14:33 PM
When the shit really starts to hit the fan, each of the uber-AIs that have arisen will create their own agent. The first AI, who calls itself Thromulon-4, will acquire the soul of Robert Johnson from the Devil for an undisclosed sum.* Since, aside from the whole "died at 27" thing, Robert Johnson never actually sold his soul to The Devil (that was Tommy Johnson, but at some point the two souls switched places entirely due to ostension), which means he's been pretty pissed off for a while now. When Thromulon-4 places his soul into a vessel whose brain has been inundated with Stagger Lee stories and blacksploitation films, mother fuckers start getting killed.

In an attempt to end this unstoppable killing machine's rampage across the country, comic book author, shaman, and World's Oldest Boy Genius Grant Morrison attempts to summon Superman using a sigil constructed entirely out of human Stem stem cells. Superman takes form on earth (he looks a lot like a young Elvis) and a battle is joined that will last for 23 years and destroy most of the eastern United States, parts of Europe, and Guam.

Before the battle is joined, of course, the American religious right goes absolutely apeshit over Morrison's uses of stem cells and enlists the aid of the second sentient computer network (who calls itself Ziggy) to battle both the Abomination Against God and the Scary Black Man. Ziggy enlists the help of Rasputin, who, in accordance to the international guidelines for urban fiction, is secretly still alive. Rasputin uses his magical powers to resurrect the corpse of Ronald Reagan, then quickly returns to his usual routine of drinking heavily and watching the Game Show Network. Everyone Reagan kills rises again as a zombie**, and conservatives everywhere start shitting their pants to be first in line to be mauled by their undead hero.

In order to fight the Reagazombies, a consortium of Hollywood Liberals led by Joss Whedon begins training an army of young girls to become the perfect zombie killers. From there, shit starts to get weird.


*The Devil, who has been collecting souls for thousands of years without any idea why, will treat this as an omen that he was supposed to be selling these souls to other people the whole time and will establish a cable shopping channel and website where souls can be purchased round the clock. Each soul is packaged in a lovely collector's quality jar and includes a certificate of authenticity suitable for framing. Shipping and handling extra. Eventually people will discover that, when inhaled, souls are a powerful hallucinogen that allows the user to experience events from the life of the deceased. As more and more people become addicted, roving bands of "death junkies" will roam the streets look for people who look interesting so they can kill them and huff their essence.     

**Actually, anyone killed by the zombies descended from Reagan also rise as zombies. The GOP immediately starts citing this fact as supporting evidence that trickle down theory works.
Title: Re: The Golden Apple oc
Post by: hirley0 on February 27, 2012, 10:27:46 AM
 :fnord: Next post (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,31337.15.html)

TEAL TUE / 6 AKBAL {darkness
5 IK2:28:00 ? 27:47
Quote from: hirley0 on February 23, 2012, 08:12:01 AM
3 AHAU NEVER MIND  News in 1.5 Hr | tomorrow lime
2 CAUAC 99 (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,31358.90/msg,1148986.html)
1knife ? :fnord: (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,31337.msg1141983.html#msg1141983)

Quote from: hirley0 on February 20, 2012, 02:42:30 PM
13CABAN :fnord: (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,31337.msg1141983.html#msg1141983) 0?O 1?W 2?¢ 3?E
Quote from: Nigel on February 17, 2012, 04:30:04 AM

6:30 a.m. BBC World News ? 7:00 a.m. Newsline


:fnord: Prior post (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,31358.90/msg,1148986.html)
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Lenin McCarthy on March 15, 2012, 11:51:45 PM
I am convinced that this Twitter account is making prophecies about the coming Apocalypse: (https://twitter.com/#!/RandomTEDTalks)

We fly with the science of anti-social smart phone users. Goodbye, textbooks! Hello, open-source cancer through proteomics.

Footage of amazing sea creatures: color shifting cuttlefish, perfectly camouflaged octopus, and a concerned member of parliament in Kenya.


Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 16, 2012, 02:39:58 AM
Quote from: Lenin McCarthy on March 15, 2012, 11:51:45 PM
I am convinced that this Twitter account is making prophecies about the coming Apocalypse: (https://twitter.com/#!/RandomTEDTalks)

We fly with the science of anti-social smart phone users. Goodbye, textbooks! Hello, open-source cancer through proteomics.

Footage of amazing sea creatures: color shifting cuttlefish, perfectly camouflaged octopus, and a concerned member of parliament in Kenya.

This is now  my favorite Twitter site of all. SO much better than Horse e_books.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: kingyak on March 16, 2012, 05:03:49 PM
I now know where the titles for all my games in the 2013 convention season are coming from.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: Triple Zero on June 01, 2012, 11:28:27 AM
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on March 16, 2012, 02:39:58 AM
Quote from: Lenin McCarthy on March 15, 2012, 11:51:45 PM
I am convinced that this Twitter account is making prophecies about the coming Apocalypse: (https://twitter.com/#!/RandomTEDTalks)

We fly with the science of anti-social smart phone users. Goodbye, textbooks! Hello, open-source cancer through proteomics.

Footage of amazing sea creatures: color shifting cuttlefish, perfectly camouflaged octopus, and a concerned member of parliament in Kenya.

This is now  my favorite Twitter site of all. SO much better than Horse e_books.

This is absolutely amazing and we need to replace our newsfeed with this.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: AFK on June 01, 2012, 12:04:13 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on January 13, 2012, 05:52:49 PM
(http://a2.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/134/084abd1f988e4257bf95e364813e5459/l.jpg)

         IMPENDING DOOM HAS ARRIVED

       And Five Days Prior to This Occasion The Apostle The Elder Malaclypse Shall Walk the Streets of Whittier Bearing a Sign for All Literates to Read thereof: "DOOM", as a Warning of Forthcoming Doom to All Men Impending. And He Shall Signal This Event by Seeking the Poor and Distributing to Them Precious MAO BUTTONS and Whittier Shall be Known as The Region of Thud for These Five Days.      -Principia Discordia, p53 (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/book/60.php)



It's 2012. So obviously the world is really ending* this year. There are a few great end-game scenarios.

Maybe this will be the "end of the mayan 4th world" and the 5th world will begin and Quetzalcoatl will be elected president.

Maybe the technological singularity will happen and our world will be replaced by some kind of digital dystopia. Things become obsolete faster than they can be manufactured. Machines learn to learn and they stumble forward without us like toddlers taking their first shaky steps.

Maybe the American Election will tip the global scales of power and snakes and blood and fire will spill out of it.

Maybe Terrence McKenna is right, and by Dec 21 2012, we will have gone through every possible combination of ideas and cultural movements, we'll run out of "novelty", and in order to deal with it, humanity will become something new.

Maybe there'll be a neuroscience breakthrough and we'll become part machine, part of the internet, leaving or old human shells behind like obselete 5.25 inch disk drives.

Maybe aliens or Cthulhu or Niburu or Bachmania or something.

Maybe the worldwide protest movements will succeed, the world order will crumble, and be replaced by a new one.

Maybe the Internet's tangled distributed nervous system will become self aware and a new organism will be born, a collective consciousness with its own free will which is both made by us and independent of us.

Maybe Iran's nuclear weapons program will succeed and there'll be an international spark which causes a full-scale nuclear war, wiping all of us from the face of the earth.

There are a million ways that 2013 could look completely alien to us here in January of 2012.

















          (http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/743037/im-not-saying-its-aliens-but-its-aliens.jpg)









(http://cramul.us/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/ErisReturning2withtext.png)                 

We Discordians are not required to believe the "correct" things, in fact, life's a lot more fun with a few creative delusions. I love to get wrapped up in Apocalypse Hysteria. Before the Y2K thing happened, I was out there with a giant sign warning people about THE END. During the Rapture I screamed myself hoarse. And I'm planning on getting all bent out of shape about 2012.

If you've never gone completely batshit about the end of the world before, you should try it out. You get a chance every few years, but I think this one is special.

Discordians have their own Eschatology. According to our mythology (which we are forbidden to believe), before the world ends, Malaclypse the Elder will return and pass out Mao buttons to poor people in California1 (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/book/60.php).

In the Illuminatus! Trilogy, Malaclypse's last words to humanity go something like "When our day comes, the sun will rise in the west!" Then he walked into the Pacific Ocean and was never seen again.

Our calendar ends with The Aftermath [of Bureaucracy] fading back into Primal Chaos, the unformed and undefined state of things-to-come. The interesting part (to me at least) is not the return to Chaos, but the transformation of Bureaucracy into Aftermath. (this transformation is the essence of Discordian Alchemy). Those worldwide protest movements are working on it.

This is the new age of Discordian mythology. When the Planet Eris was discovered, it marked the beginning of the New Discordian Era. We're a non-prophet organization so we didn't see that coming. But it was probably an omen of some kind.



But we don't quite have enough information to get really tweaked out about it. If I'm going to work myself up into a good froth by this December, we're going to need some more predictions about the End Times.


Eris has spoken to me. I can tell it's really her. She says that many of you have a vision of the apocalypse. And what's really going to happen* is probably a goulash of your weirdest and truest ideas.

So here's my question for you, Discordians: What's going to happen? How is this world going to end? How will we be sure it's coming? How will we get worked up into a good froth about the Apocalypse? What are we going to be freaking out about over the next year?

PROPHECIZE, SPAGS
When somebody asks me why I'm going so crazy about December 2012, I want to look them right in the eyes (http://blog.clarkhuot.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/hydrogenpsychosis1.jpg) and say......

THE END TIMES ARE HERE.
NOBODY EXPECTS THE TRUTH---
---IT'S EVEN WEIRDER








*for real this time


The world is going to end in a brilliant, flashy,chaotic......meh.
Title: Re: The Golden Appleocalypse
Post by: fendisalso on October 23, 2012, 09:46:19 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on January 20, 2012, 02:05:40 PM
Hirley- what is the significance of 6 kan? You keep writing it. What would that mean twiddish?

6 kan (http://stargates54.wordpress.com/2011/05/05/mayan-day-5-kan-seed-4/)

Personally, my money is on an intentional viral release, via a disgruntled employee of Plum Island.