Messages

The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, originally part of Grim and Evil, but now it's own show on the Cartoon Network (So is Evil con Carne, but I've never figured out why)

Yesh, I like the idea of Evil con Carne, and the title is great, but the actual cartoon always kinda left me flat.

eep!  Doesn't the Geneva Convention have something to say about that??

Ooh, that's creepy.  Tell me more.

wipe that grin off yoru face mister before I give you soemthing to REALLY smile about

You know... that doesn't really sound like a threat.

"You're not the usual son of God..."
Music: Ber-chicka-ber-ner...

Oppenheimer was often arrested for walking around los alamos late at night whilst chainsmoking his ciggaretes... but that was because he operated of a 26 hour day and would roll in and out of phase with the rest of the world... much like his personality to tell the truth

Interesting, I thought it was just me.  Although I think my cycle is closer to 25 or 24 3/4... it's been a while since I was unscheduled for a long enough period of time to really see.

(*whistles innocently*)

Christopher Walken has an excellent one-liner in the trailer for the new Denzel Washington movie:  "Killing people is his art form... and he's working on a masterpiece."

Of course, you have to hear the Walken voice to get the full effect...

{|0/-| (-)< ]/)00'} \)!!1!!1! lol

I b'lieve it was a Google for "warhammer 40k" "hello kitty" that did it... it was a pretty cool page, this girl has a whole army painted in HK theme.

hang on...

Here's the page, and another pic for the lazy:

i'm not sure where it goes from here, except they dress up liek the game character. i think it'd be even more disturbing if they acted like teh character while dressed up...

Also (actually, more so) anime characters.

It is, basically, an extraordinarily geeky activity.

I guess it was kind of a you-had-to-be-there moment.

And another:


Redeyes
She used to have eyes I could lose myself in, and then she had them replaced with laser pointers. Little red dots jumping up and down on the bedroom wall as I took her from behind. I could live with that until she had the animal voice import. The cheetah purring was okay, but the dingo noises just killed the mood. The combination of the red eyes and the gorilla sounds when she jerked off was horrible. A few weeks later, things were moving down there that shouldn't have. Don't be scared, she said, as stuff pumped like organ stops under her skin. Something extended itself and waved at me.

I threw up between her legs and she didn't talk to me for a week. Which I suppose you can't really blame her for, but still.

I knew it was over when she cut her legs off.

Had them hacked off at the knee and came home with a suitcase full of modular replacements. The stumps had little Firewire ports that plugged into the new lower leg units. She fitted what she called her Sex Legs and flexed artificial toes, feet fixed in a perfect arch to accomodate the welded-on six-inch heels. Apparently there were Segway gyroscopes in the calves to keep her upright when she walked.

I came home one night to find her in a red latex minidress and sixteen legs. Spider things were sprouted from her knees, eight legs each. She paraded on the plastic kitchen floor for me, swinging her hips. Clackclackclackclack on the floor. Clackclackclackclack.

She stuck her tongue out at me when I started retching. There was what looked like a DC power inlet on the tip.

After that, it just got ugly. I had to go. I saw her again a couple of weeks ago. She introduced her new boyfriend as Spin. His skin was cold and shiny, like white plastic coating over steel. He had a revolving drum in his stomach. She leant against him and grinned.

I'm living in my car now. My car loves me. I mean, it wouldn't have grown a real vagina for me otherwise, would it?


(c) Warren Ellis 2003

Another Warren Ellis short story, even more disturbing than the last:



ELLIE;   Hello. You're through to the Helping Hotline. My name's Ellie, what's yours?

(pause)

ELLIE;   There seems to be some noise on your end of the line. What's your name again?

VOICE ON PHONE;   Doesn't matter.

ELLIE;   Everyone matters. Tell me your name. Let's talk a little bit.

VOICE ON PHONE;   You changed your tune.

ELLIE;   Excuse me?

VOICE ON PHONE;   The line's been busy for two hours.

ELLIE;   Well, sometimes a lot of people need time to talk.

VOICE ON PHONE;   You were having phone sex.

ELLIE;   I'm sorry?

VOICE ON PHONE;   You were having phone sex while working on a suicide hotline.

ELLIE;   Is this a joke?

VOICE ON PHONE;   Wasn't to me. I needed help. I was going to kill myself if I didn't get these thoughts out of my head, and I just needed someone to talk to.

ELLIE;   Well, we're talking now, aren't we?

VOICE ON PHONE;   I committed suicide a hour ago, bitchface.

ELLIE;   ...this is a joke, right? It's one of you guys...

(pause)

ELLIE;   Shit.

VOICE ON PHONE;   I threw a grenade in the toilet and then put my head down it. It's probably on the news by now.

ELLIE;   This is a really sick joke.

VOICE ON PHONE;   All because you were on the line having amputee-fetish phone sex.

ELLIE;   Who is this?

VOICE ON PHONE;   "Are you fingering your stump now, Gerald? Imagine me touching it, wearing the peach-colored rubber dishwashing gloves soaked in detergent..."

ELLIE;   Oh my God.

VOICE ON PHONE;   How many people do you think killed themselves tonight because you were having fun, Ellie?

VOICE ON PHONE;   I'm sorry for the noise in the background, by the way. I can't turn it down. Too many people here.

ELLIE;   Where are you?

VOICE ON PHONE;   Let me give you a clue. Your father would like to say hello.

ELLIE;   My father...

VOICE ON PHONE;   Your father, yes. Your dead father.

(pause)

VOICE ON PHONE;   Your father the killer.

(pause)

VOICE ON PHONE;   He'd like to say hello.

(long pause)

VOICE ON PHONE;   Hello, Ellie. It's Big Daddy. Anything you have to say for yourself?

ELLIE;   I hate you, Daddy.

(pause)

ELLIE;   I hate you because all the girls you kept under the floorboards always had prettier dresses than I did. You bought them perfume, but you never bought me anything.

VOICE ON PHONE;   Ellie? I had to spray them with something, they were stinking the place up...

ELLIE;   I don't care. You always had excuses. "I couldn't afford a birthday present for you, I had to buy the hydrochloric acid." "Your mother never understood me and that's why I became a necrophile." "I can't take you to the party because I have to go trolling for college girls in pink sweaters tonight." Always another fucking excuse, Daddy.

VOICE ON PHONE;   ...I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, sweetheart.

ELLIE;   How? You're dead. Never call me again, especially not at work.

VOICE ON PHONE;   I'm sorry. I won't, I promise. Can I send you a present on your birthday?

ELLIE;   That'd be a fucking first. Get off the line.

VOICE ON PHONE;   Okay. I love you.

ELLIE;   Don't. Just don't, okay? I'm hanging up now.

VOICE ON PHONE;   Please --

ELLIE;   I'm hanging up.

VOICE ON PHONE;   CLICK

(long pause)

ELLIE;   You're through to the Helping Hotline. I'm Ellie. What's your name?

(pause)

ELLIE;   Yes, I'm still wearing the anti-bacterial suit, and it's got the algae from your infections smeared all over it, you naughty boy...



(c) Warren Ellis 2003

i plan on ripping off quite alot of this area of the forum eventually for "teh damned book" as it's tentaively called. basically sposed to be everything on the net published in paper and sold at cost.

Everything on the net? That's a lot of paper!