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Glad to be of service!

<stabs and then stakes Zurtok>

<waits for fnordy to set Zurty on fire>

Are you going to get anyone to pdf these, like the last batch?  I'm trying to get pdf copies of everyones rants on here, and I could do it myself, but wondered if you had any plans.

Gnimbley did the last batch. Maybe he'd be up to doing this batch. I'd do it, but it would be quite some time before the pdf was ready.

or at least this round of them have been placed into their own Volume number 2, for those who like that sort of thing.

[A Few Bad Monkeys Don't Stop the Show!(Otherwise known as Rant 163)]

A Few Bad Monkeys Don't Stop the Show!
(Otherwise known as Rant 163)

"Ye have locked yerselves up in cages of fear-and, behold, do ye now
complain that ye lack FREEDOM? Ye have cast out yer brothers for devils and now complain ye, lamenting, that ye've been left to fight alone. Verily, verily I say unto you, not all the Sinister Ministers of the Bavarian Illuminati, working together in multitudes, could so entwine the land with tribulation as have yer baseless warnings."
-from the Epistle to the Paranoids

Life ain't easy at times. Even though we may have realized that we are really performing in a circus underneath Eris' Big Top, or even in one of the other tents set up on Her grounds, life can still get hard from time to time. And that is what crying or talking is for. You get over it. You move past it. Done deal. Move to the next act in the performance. If you find it nearly impossible to do this, either you need to relax and go with the motion (which in time takes you to a better feeling), or you need to question what you are doing that makes it so nearly-impossible.

You can complain about those assholes and those people, whether fellow performers, or audience members who delude themselves into thinking they aren't performing, who make a mess and run roughshod over your act. We all do it. Blowing off steam is part of getting past the crap. However at some point in life, enough is enough. And you have to get on with your own performance. Because the rest of us aren't going to stop and wait. This is not cruel. This is compassion. Good medicine.

As you get more experienced with life in the circus you start becoming better at being able to spot the few bad monkeys and can learn to avoid their drama, but in any event, they don't stop the show. None of them can. Not even if there were thousands of them. None of us can either. The show goes on forever and it is so much more than any of us can even begin to conceive of. Infinity is a good word to use for this, though I think of it more along the lines of dance sets. The music never really stops and each life span is simply a dance set.

Why is the universe is like this? Don't ask me. It tends to treat you the way you see it. Not in every case, but in the vast majority of the time. Think about it. If you are so worried about all the bad monkeys and the assholes going around trying to make you and the rest of us miserable because the gray fools haven't yet realized they are in a circus, you will feel shitty and then see a lot of things around you as shitty. Even if you get a smile from someone, you'll think "why are they smiling? what do they want?" Do you see how this works? You do have a lot more say in writing the script of your performance than you imagine. Remember it isn't laid down before hand. It is mostly improv.

Just put on your red shoes (or whatever color, or hell, do it barefoot) and dance. I'll tell you something I learned about Eris (or whomever/whatever you blame reality for), because some of you think that you get all sorts of cool points or props for causing as much disruption and discord as possible. Eris actually doesn't care about that. Some of you have allowed that Yahweh and His evil twin Satan to sell you their old con-job about pleasing them and getting all sorts of goodies for it. Eris wouldn't set up something like that, not unless you are that gullible. (This is why we DSSSers used to go around calling ourselves the Bastard Children of Eris.)

Eris actually wants you to enjoy your performance. She deems it wise if we all could simply enjoy our own and each other's performances, but figures if some are going to be bad monkeys then that's their own damned fault. Skilled performers can improv their way around any type of monkey business, good or bad. Happy or sad. Illuminating the "opposition" into seeing that they too are performers in this circus as much as the rest of us who know it; that is the mission of the Erisian Movement and of the Discordian Society. (Though the former tends to be more heavy into the spiritual, occult, and cuisine aspects of the show.)

Remember reality? But do you also remember that 80-90% of what you think or remember about reality is simply and only what you think or remember about it. Even what you perceive or how you feel about it is part of the performance you are making up. I think the old crusty surrealists used to say that one's life is the greatest work of art. It might sound like some ruse, but they hit upon a more decent of a way of seeing it than any of the so called philosophers or theologians (or politicians), all of whom haven't figured out that they are performers...all of whom think of their various versions of the truth or the solution as being the actual sum of reality. This is sad since they didn't get the joke or the memo or the fact that all of their ideas are just as much fiction as a novelist's story.

Whether the monkeys are in your head or in other people, a few bad ones don't stop the show. There is no excuse for not dancing beyond the fact that you simply don't want to dance. And that is only your choice. Stop using the other performers' acts as excuses for the way you feel. If you want to come bowling with us, bring some beer, shiny shoes, and make sure that the next time you hoot and holler like a monkey that you get the joke. And try not to piss on the damned lanes because you drank too much beer too quickly. Otherwise we may just have to leave you there to explain to the cops why the pins are on fire and you're stumbling around gibbering some muck about Eris.

February 24th, 2006
-Irreverend Hugh, KSC
DSSS / PMM

Yeah, I don't recommend actually reading it  

Oh my gods!

But I DID read it!

What's going to happen to me now?

Good show!

You must be learning some good preaching over there in Eris' Cleavage.

Dude!

<sniffs>

I can finally retire and stop ranting.

Finally.

You rock!

Agreed!  He must have BACON PANTS!

BUG PR0N PANCE!

<takes the weekly allotment of audience members hostage>

Sorry dads. The tax.

Why not?

My hands are full of Jehova's Witnesses.

Meh...you have a tradition to uphold.

Not when Reverend Hoshiko has that shotgun in my back.

Why not?

My hands are full of Jehova's Witnesses.

"We all know about presidents getting shot by people, but this is the first time a vice-president has ever shot someone."

I just want it noted, for the sake of historical accuracy, that this statement is not true.

*cough* Hamilton *cough*

Burr.

Damn.

You are right! Unfortunately, I can't change that statement into a misquote.

[Rant 157Something Smells Over Here]

Rant 157
Something Smells Over Here

"What I want to know is how the Scots got to ancient Israel in the first place."
-Chairman Chao (when asked about the Maccabee rebellion)

"How could anyone confuse a cabbage with a human being? You'd think it would be just about impossible...One of the five Aneristic Orders, though, is seeking to make this distinction less clear. The Defamation League (who secretly controls almost all organized religion and Goddess knows what else) has been secretly costuming cabbages and trying to pass them off as humans. Why they are doing this is uncertain, but keep in mind these are some of the same people who said you'd go to hell for spanking the monkey."
-from the Summa Discordia

"We all know about presidents getting shot by people, but this is the first time a vice-president has ever shot someone."

We live under the glamour and dazzle of a basic socio-cultural philosophy which cuts us down and away from inherent value as living beings and then says to us that we can buy ourselves to being real. We get frustrated when something prevents us from playing this game. Or when that next new greatest advertised thing is too expensive for us to consider. We are a society of credit cards, loans, financing, and debt because of this. We never once stop to question the motives behind all of this, and yet we rail and rant against our government which spends money in exactly the same way.

I am amazed when I run into people who get cars by financing, who take out extensive loans to buy property, and who constantly shop on credit. When I ask about this wastefulness, I am usually told "But how else will I be able to afford these things?" My response is "You can't afford those things. That's why you are in debt, silly." Paying for something when you don't have the money upfront for it obviously means you can't afford it. And in the future you will be less able to afford anything similar.

This is a symptom of a greater problem and you all know what this problem is. A combination of Stupidity and The Fear. Otherwise known as DUMB and DOOM. Each one of these is bad enough, but when they mate they produce the bastard children known as slavery and hatred. Look around you at human cultures. Doesn't it seem like that most of them have been entranced by the tango of stupidity and fear throughout history. DUMB and DOOM have been the cause of death for humans more so than any natural causes. DUMB and DOOM get us to spend money we don't have out of fear that we can't keep up with the neighbors, won't be able to buy the new IPod, or won't be able to impress that date, and if we can't do these things, the fnords will eat us. DUMB and DOOM convince us that we have no time left so we must run out now and buy ourselves a new and improved version of the hottest lifestyle so we can look in the mirror and feel sexy and alive. (Ignoring the fact that if you can't do that already, nothing else will do it for you.)

DUMB and DOOM keep us locked away in our own narrow worlds with our own fixations and habits afraid of stepping out. Afraid of admitting that no matter what we do, life pretty much happens largely out of our control. Heads up, people. Beware of God. She's Out of Order. And She doesn't care about your bullshit, no matter how much of it you think you can buy or get on credit. Eris isn't buying any of it. If living life free of DUMB and DOOM seems impossible to you, question why you are alive (especially if you are Erisian).

In fact, it is nearly impossible to have DOOM without dumb. Remember for about 1500 years the Christian Church convinced Westerners that they'd go to hell if they didn't tithe, have lots of babies, give their land away to nobles, or believe in hell in the first place. How would people even put up with this. They were convinced to be DUMB. They were connived into it. Every now and then a bunch of people would be burned at the stake just to drive home the point and people largely stayed DUMB, until Eris tossed an apple into the Church and the Protestants and Catholics split apart and started killing one another to prove who was prettier. The air in Western culture was thus cleared for a time. With the believers of Christ focused on fighting each other, the diversion gave the rest of the people some space to start thinking again. This allowed science and democracy to creep up from behind and slug religious domination upside the head, and it has been stumbling around ever since, refusing to fall over once and for all. Some breathing room was created. But DUMB and DOOM are a hearty couple and they still manifest all around us.

Look around you now. Where do you feel the most DUMB coming from? Hell, sometimes DOOM gets confused by Eris and you actually become positively afraid of being stupid so you immediately wise up. But look around you. Muslims going on a rampage over some cartoons. Christians whining about holiday greetings or the fact the public schools don't teach the Bible. Jews and Arabs convincing themselves to hate one another. North Korean politicians with bad hair days. Vice-presidents shooting people. None of them are aware of themselves acting like silly gits. None of them are yet aware that there is no God but Goddess, and Her name is Eris. (Okay, pick another name if you think you can find someone better to blame reality on.)

But fear not. Stupidity and Fear is a choice. You can escape them when they try to take over your life, even if you might not be able to escape their followers. The world's great religions are not really all the great. Stupidity and Fear are the greatest religions of all time and people are blindly creating gods, cultures, economies, wars, and microwaves out of them. Scratch the surface of any shining rational or justification or excuse, whether religious or not, and you will find the true sources: stupidity and fear. What can we Discordians do about this?

Laugh at ourselves, first off for falling for this game and then forgetting that we were playing it. Then whatever comes to mind next.

February 17th, 2006
-Irreverend Hugh, KSC;
of the DSSS/PMM
Conspirator with High Papessa Bella
Agent Provocateur in Hoshiko and DS#3's War Against Hostages
Church of Eris ArchSwinging Bastard
and silly man who convinces white people they can be shamans so he can get a good laugh

Hey! That's not haiku!
You're just counting syllables!
Stop that this instant!

We have been waiting for Qlipoth.

Do you have Jesus' Motorbike?