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Quote from: chaotic neutral observer on August 28, 2023, 03:34:42 AM
The screaming in my head is around 17 or 18 kHz, and it's not alone.

My brain is full of the THX logo sound, but tuned two octaves lower.
In fairness, Dok, it can be very fun and rewarding to have nothing in your head but a 23Hz drone. Or so I'm told.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 26, 2023, 07:54:48 PM
I have apparently been told I'm blocked from the PD(dot)Com facebook page, which I had never heard of am not interested in.

That will show me!


Do they think that's like a coup?
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on August 20, 2023, 04:26:26 PM
First week at the new place! They might be fucking me on taxes but otherwise looking good. Had some time and energy to do some flyering, including putting Two Weeks up at the intersection in front of my old job, because I am a petty bitch sometimes always.

On the jobs front, I'm actually considering working at Google.


It's the only place that has true-remote positions right now.
Quote from: chaotic neutral observer on August 11, 2023, 11:27:13 PM
Quote from: Saint K1000 on August 07, 2023, 11:46:41 PM
I'll trust your judgment and good will.

We haven't been introduced, so I'll just think of you as "prey".

Aren't they always, though? It's just polite, honestly.
Quote from: Scribbly on August 08, 2023, 08:04:39 AMWhich is not to say that there are no good ideas within Discordianism, but I also don't think those ideas are unique to it or need to be expressed within the existing Discordian framework.

I've heard this referred to as post-Discordianism, and it's more or less where I think things have gone here and in the most closely-aligned splinter groups of this place for a long while.

I'm marking all as read.
Yeah, I normally don't post my stuff in here, we have other parts of the forum for that.

It's just that for me these past couple things have been big life-updates. Like "this is what I've been up to lately". But they also aren't enough mine to feel like I should make a new thread, I was a minor part at most. It's a life update, goes to the general "here's how I am" thread in my mind.
Another release with my name loosely associated! My friend Mabel's debut EP, featuring Garry of Memorrhage on vox. Did mix feedback, provided moral support when she doubted herself, and was the one who linked her up with Garry B for the release. Must-hear if you like Mick Gordon's nu-Doom work, Sepultura, etc. She's also just a really cool person.
The main problem is it's hugely expensive. And it REALLY doesn't need to be. Take GF pasta, for instance: buckwheat exists and is gluten free, and buckwheat noodles have been a thing forever. But these days I can't even find pure buckwheat soba around here -- it's 50% wheat or, in a couple cases, pure wheat. Why? That isn't even fucking soba anymore. So I'm gonna have to order it, because every other alternative costs two to five times as much as a box of cheap durum wheat pasta, of course.

The big surprise to me is that Cheerios have no gluten tax. They have gluten-free oats, and that's for all their cereal.

Partner is NOT dying, AFAIK. She's having intermittent cognitive issues and aphasia as she goes through recovery (brain tumors suck) but it's been confirmed that to all appearances, she's fine. She thought she was dying because she misunderstood the doctor due to her aphasia.

That was still fucking terrifying, though.

I have started going gluten-free due to unintentionally giving myself a gluten challenge that began with about 1800 calories of sausage gravy and stuffing for breakfast, and ended with a near-emergency hypoglycemic episode two hours later. It's week two of this and there are some serious changes I've noted.

1: I'm eating less. Like, noticeably less. QGP can tell you how I used to eat, but yesterday I had, in order:
--1 quarter of a 10 inch pizza
--1 large bowl of black rice stir fry
--1 small bowl of chocolate ice cream
and after that, went to bed full and happy.

2: More energy. The past two days I have woken up to basically full functionality in under two hours of being awake. Yesterday I had no caffeine, and maintained a high-energy-high-brainfog state into the late night. Today I woke up in less than a half hour, and I'm having an energy drink because I suspect the brainfog has to do with insufficient B-vitamins (remember, I got actual fucking scurvy last year, so nutritional deficiencies are a big CHECK for me). Regardless, I'm HERE. I'm PRESENT. That's new! Especially given I woke up one hour ago.

3: Better sleep, or at least better absorption of sleep meds. Normally I overdose (3x recommended amount, doctor approved for me specifically) on sleeping meds and wake up in 5-6 hours. Last night, I did the same overdose, slept 9 hours, woke up feeling refreshed and healthy. I'm going to lower that to a 2x overdose for the next two weeks, and see if I can stop taking sleep meds altogether over time? But, genuinely, HUGE improvement.

4: Better mood? Not much, but no deep depressive episodes since I've begun this. Well, at least none if we don't count "my partner is going to die far away from me because of her shitty live-in partner", which even if it ended up being okay I sure don't count as a deep depressive episode, depression is kind of reasonable there. Also less easily frustrated, etc. Have I mentioned I don't have a doctor, so I'm not on any psych meds at the moment? Yeah, so this isn't a better absorption thing, this is a legitimate mood shift.

So uh, celiac disease seems reasonable to presume, or at least some level of gluten sensitivity.
The hardest parts, no particular order.

1: I have never had to seriously grieve before. I do not know how to handle it.
2: We share a second partner, who is already in a permanent deep depressive state, and who I'm in poor shape to support, and who has no one the fuck else but me. I don't know if it'll survive this, and I don't know if I can survive a third loss so soon.
3: Oh. Right. I'm still recovering from a recent breakup, so this hit me harder than it probably otherwise would have.
4: I never got to fucking hold her.
5: No one's gonna remember all of her. There will be only one name on that grave, and it'll be the one that was never hers. No one's gonna remember Dara, Fox, Val or Nye. No one's gonna remember Cadera, or Laurel. This isn't just one person, it's a whole group sharing a mind. And no one will remember. My memory isn't worth a fucking thing, I don't even remember MYSELF most days. I can't write her story, I didn't know her long enough. She was isolated and alone most of her life. There's no way to properly reconstruct those lives now. There will be no history to write. Just a dozen people, one body, erased.
6: If anyone but me and her other LDR partners had given a single solitary fuck, this probably could have been avoided. 6 months after the diagnosis that she should have been on chemo, derailed by her trash-fire live-in girlfriend. Finally got on it, the course finished last month, and it was all too fucking late.

Anyway. Done shitting up the thread.
Partner is dying. Brain cancer caught up, chemo didn't take. I never even got to see her face to face. She didn't get her name change so they'll bury her with that fucking name.

Anything I promised here is on hold.
So, I got groceries and I'm gluten-free for the past two days.

What no one told me is by G-d you will be TIRED. I knew I'd be hungry, and I've been trying to eat a human amount of food to get my body to adapt, but my intestines are gonna take at least a month to heal up enough that I can do that safely. The hypoglycemia? Expected.

But. Even though I've had more bursts of energy in a given day lately than ever before in my life, I am more exhausted than ever, and having trouble sleeping reasonable amounts of time. Like, I'll be able to get almost everything done in a day now, but in between doing things I can barely keep my eyes open.
Quote from: Cain on July 09, 2023, 06:35:26 PM
Urgh. Not been in that *precise* situation but I had a similar issue not long ago where I couldn't use my phone for a while and I can entirely sympathise.

Absolutely frustrating as fuck.

Also hello. Nothing to really talk about here. The weather is slightly uncomfortably warm, everything is shit, Labour are intent on crushing all hope not already extinguished by the Tories, and everyone is either mad about confetti being thrown at a wedding or (as is usual) people's genitals. Just another day on Normal Island.

I'd send another rescue party, but the G-dless cannibal Englishmen ate them all last time. They worship the Devil himself and perform human sacrifices to their ancient priestly royals, you know. We should civilize them, but I need to find more people willing to risk their lives to colonize the benighted moors of darkest Britain before we can worry about that.