Principia Discordia

I haven't read much of the bible because I'm lazy and because it's diabolical, so I've decided to pick the brains of fellow black sheep to distinguish the highlights of it, which might be useful arsenal in conversing with Christians.  What are some of the best and/or worst verses from the bible?

If you hunt around these boards, you'll find we've covered this fairly extensively.  

I suggest PM-ing Pope Loudicre... I think he has a compiled list.




[edit: all the same, my favorite has always been Ezekiel 23:20- "There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses."]

Also, how could you expect to argue about the Bible if you've never read it?  Picking some verses out of context and looking smug isn't generally a great debate tactic.

I've only read a little bit from genesis and revelations.  I probly should read more.  I just thought I might value the perspective of discordians on the matter, if there are any who have read a lot of it, because I see no thread specifically about the bible ever since Jehova was fired.

Check out the "Operation Mindfuck" section, and look for jakes involving the Gideon's Bible.

Akoussia the Lesser is very knowledgable on bible jaking.

Join the Discordeons - make hotel literature more interesting!

Why read it? If you are going to debate about it, make things up as you go.

Quote from: GimozWhy read it? If you are going to debate about it, make things up as you go.

Because it is more fun to throw their own book at them.  Most Christians have no idea what is in there.  Unless someone tells them what to think on Sunday morning, they don't look.  It is fun to see the look on their faces when you ask about them whores of whoredom passage.

The History Channel and A & E have some funny shows as well.  Well, they're funny to me, they are serious shows.  Sex in the bible, stuff like that.  There are some parts of the bible that are pretty much porn, but I have no idea where they are at.  Once in a while there will be a show about books that never made it into the bible, those are fun too.

I have a bunch of passages compiled at home, I'll see if i can find time to post 'em.

I read the bible as a child but I was thinking of getting another copy and going through it again, just for kicks.

What's the best version to get? I'm pretty sure I read the free LDS version before.

Picture bible.  

No, seriously!  They make one that has a lot of pictures interspersed throughout the pages, and one that's like an enormous comic book!  THAT one rules so hard.

Quote from: HoshikoI read the bible as a child but I was thinking of getting another copy and going through it again, just for kicks.

What's the best version to get? I'm pretty sure I read the free LDS version before.

I usually use this portal (http://bible.gospelcom.net/), 'cuz it's free, and it has 10 or so different versions, so you can get the juciest translation.

About Gonorrhea and other vital matters. (http://bible.gospelcom.net/passage/?search=Leviticus%2015;22:4;%20Numbers%205:2;%20Deuteronomy%2023:10)

I can already see that I'm going to wear out that search function.

I grew up with bible cartoons. I don't need any more religious illustrations, unless it's that Chick Tract about Cthulhu. Feel free to send that my way.

I'd like a Cthulhu cartoon, too. Thanks.

I realize I'm new here and don't really get whether you guys are kidding about this topic or not, but since I'm a person who does read the Bible and does believe the Bible is the Truth, one of my favorite verses is at the end of the Bible.  It quotes Jesus as saying, "Surely I am coming soon."   Another one is "Be still and know that I am God."

OK, first... Guest, both of those quotes are extremely funny, if your reader has a filthy mindset.  And you might want to rethink admitting what will piss you off, when you've come to a board full of people who make pissing off others an art form.

Second... Devin, there's such a thing called intellectual dishonesty.

QuoteAlso, how could you expect to argue about the Bible if you've never read it? Picking some verses out of context and looking smug isn't generally a great debate tactic.

You do it like all the Christian's do it.  Claim knowledge first, think second.

Hosiko, were you raised a Mor(m)on?  If so I extend my condolences to you.  

*on topic...sorta*

I'm not very up on the bible, but I do know more then most Mor(m)ons tend to (I was raised mor(m)on, stfu n00b), and I know *way* *way* more about the Book of Mormon then most Mormons.  Living in Utah this knowledge comes in handy.  Outside of Utah, though it would be useless.

If you need help on mindfucking a mormon though, I'm more then happy to help.

I like telling the story in the Bible of God using 2 cave bears to kill kids for laughing at a bald man.  I havent read it in a while, so I can't remember the reference  (that and I'd upset my girlfiend who is a guilty catholic) but I definetly remember that one.

It's when there's a bunch of young delinquents making fun of Elisha, Elijah's successor and one of the greater prophets in the Old Testament.  G0d's just taking care of his homies, yo.  

2 Kings 2:23-25
And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24: And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Quote from: AnonymousI realize I'm new here and don't really get whether you guys are kidding about this topic or not, but since I'm a person who does read the Bible and does believe the Bible is the Truth, one of my favorite verses is at the end of the Bible.  It quotes Jesus as saying, "Surely I am coming soon."   Another one is "Be still and know that I am God."

Jesus is coming!  Look Busy!

-or-

Jesus is coming!  Get him a few tissues!

-or-

Jesus is coming!  Reload!

-or-

Hey, look, Jesus is coming.  'Bout time, the lazy bastard.  He's 5 years late.

Quote"Be still and know that I am God."

I said be still!  Just be still DAMNYOU!  

*Gives up and goes home*



Edit

QuoteIt's when there's a bunch of young delinquents making fun of Elisha, Elijah's successor and one of the greater prophets in the Old Testament.

Thats the one.  I love that story.

the bible was an interesting read..  i really like how when they crossed the river jordan under joshua and they killed everyone and burned their houses, belongings and cattle..  everything..  they were "told" to leave no trace of the previous culture behind..  and then hitler came and did the same thing back except somewhere else..

the song of songs (solomon) is pretty sexy..

and the part in second kings about baby eating, that was a highlight, too.

kim

Quote from: AnonymousI realize I'm new here and don't really get whether you guys are kidding about this topic or not, but since I'm a person who does read the Bible and does believe the Bible is the Truth, one of my favorite verses is at the end of the Bible.  It quotes Jesus as saying, "Surely I am coming soon."   Another one is "Be still and know that I am God."

has no one alerted you to our mission statement?

"don't belive anything you read"

or, "it 's our firm belief that it's a mistake to hold firm beliefs"

of course, we use our "holy book" for toilet paper....

but hell, there are surely several of us who have used your holy book for toilet paper....

myself, I find that "psalms" seems to be a bit softer on hte backside than say, "job" or "revelations"

8)

Quote from: Sinner Bob the MediocreI'd like a Cthulhu cartoon, too. Thanks.

Warning: the following comic strip not only contains content which some parent may not find suitable for children, but also contains bad sprite editing, and lazy photoshopping.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v93/Balestar/GHTM9/GHTMP-1.jpg

congratulations.

that's the worst cartoon I've ever seen.

8)

Quote from: EraPassing
Second... Devin, there's such a thing called intellectual dishonesty.

When have I never lied on this forum?

Quote from: That Communist Bastardcongratulations.

that's the worst cartoon I've ever seen.

8)

thank you. I try, I really do. it's not easy to suppress my brilliance.

The Bible actually is the biggest mindfuck in the history of mindfucks and is therefore a Discordian tome, therefore all Christians are Discordians by default and Eris is your Goddess, and she's awfully miffed that you've been ignoring her all these centuries.

8)

Agent C - I hope you told all those curly hair facists your Jesus/Eris theory  :wink:

Quote from: agent compassion, kscThe Bible actually is the biggest mindfuck in the history of mindfucks and is therefore a Discordian tome, therefore all Christians are Discordians by default and Eris is your Goddess, and she's awfully miffed that you've been ignoring her all these centuries.

8)

I've been saying that for years.

It is definately time Eris gets the respect she deserves.

REPENT YOU SINNERS! FOR THE HOUR OF THE AFTERMATH IS AT HAND!
OR NOT

Quote from: Hotsuma

Quote from: Sinner Bob the MediocreI'd like a Cthulhu cartoon, too. Thanks.

Warning: the following comic strip not only contains content which some parent may not find suitable for children, but also contains bad sprite editing, and lazy photoshopping.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v93/Balestar/GHTM9/GHTMP-1.jpg

Worse than some bad poety (I would say all, but there's some real crap out there)

QuoteAgent C - I hope you told all those curly hair facists your Jesus/Eris theory Wink

Not yet. But today at Goodwill I saw a sweatshirt that had a cartoon of Bethlehem and the manger, and the star and the wisemen and all that, and the caption "IT'S A GIRL!"

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

Speaking of Eris, does she get any mention in that "Troy" movie that Brad Pitt's ass was in?

She ought to, she started the whole damn thing.

Well, I geuss it was really Zues's fault for not inviting her.  But I'm sure she would've done something just as fun if she had been invited.

Well, I read some reviews and apparently one of the reasons people liked it was that it DIDN'T include the Gods and Goddesses. Eris gets left out again, I guess that explains why that steaming piece of shit never got an Oscar.  :lol:

It's interesting to me how Eris is blamed solely for the Trojan War, when in fact, the biggest contributions were actually committed by the other Gods and the HUMANS involved. Paris didn't have to dump Oenone and bone Helen even though she was on the verge of marrying someone else. He didn't have to take Aphrodite's bribe at all. Aphrodite could have told Paris "Sorry, no, she's taken" when he asked for Helen.

The three Goddesses didn't have to be so fucking insecure about their looks that they fought over an *apple.* (I mean, c'mon, if you're a God, you've already got superpower, material wealth, and legions of fearful worshippers to bring you candy and wipe your ass. What more do you need?)

I think Eris hit Oliver Stone's movie instead. It was too gay for the conservatives and not gay enough for the gays-rights lobby.

Oscar Nazi: Oliver Stone!! No Oscar for you!! For 2 years!!
<Stone shuffles out of the academy, crestfallen>

Fuck, I didn't even know Stone had a movie out this year. What was it?

Props to agent compassion

Alexander The Great. Starring Colin Farrel, the moody drunken Irishman playing a peroxide Macedonian king as he minces & conquers his way into Asia.

 I've not seen it, but we had weeks of reportage of how it bombed in America followed by it opening here in the UK and being slated from the moment tickets went on sale.

 There was even talks of some Greek nationalist lobby suing Stone for his portrayal of Alexander as bisexual.

  Two thumbs down etc

Quote from: EpitaphI haven't read much of the bible because I'm lazy and because it's diabolical, so I've decided to pick the brains of fellow black sheep to distinguish the highlights of it, which might be useful arsenal in conversing with Christians.  What are some of the best and/or worst verses from the bible?

Revelation 11:18 "...And the Lord shall destroy the destroyers of the Earth."

Contrast this with:

"There is no need for conservation, because the second coming is at hand."
- James Watt, Secretary of the Interior to Ronald Reagan.

QuoteThere was even talks of some Greek nationalist lobby suing Stone for his portrayal of Alexander as bisexual.

But Alexander was bisexual...

I mean his head servant (I geuss in this case that has a double meaning) was his lover.

Most of the greeks were married to women, but had their real relationship with men.

so what kind of intact first ahnd journalistic accoutn is that from? lemme guess the complete records of alexander the great's butler/lover's jouranl which has never existed?


yeah maybe he was gay? who gives a flying fuck?

Quote from: Saint Zurtok Ah.D.
Most of the greeks were married to women, but had their real relationship with men.

[E-Prime Alert]
Please change "most" to "many" prior to presenting solid evidence that more that 50% of all Greek men sucked cock.
[/E-prime Alert]

Quote from: LMNO

Quote from: Saint Zurtok Ah.D.
Most of the greeks were married to women, but had their real relationship with men.

[E-Prime Alert]
Please change "most" to "many" prior to presenting solid evidence that more that 50% of all Greek men sucked cock.
[/E-prime Alert]

Actually, even though they had sexual contact with other men, I am not sure if they considered it homosexuality.  No penetration occurred, one man would put his penis between the thighs of another man or something like that.  I tried to find a reference, but I couldn't, sorry and I have forgotten where I read that originally.  To be penetrated was shameful.