Messages

16

Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

« on: September 14, 2023, 01:16:19 am »

Today at work:

Scott:  "So it turns out the slide needs another 100 or so foot-pounds to operate properly, but..."

Fatima:  *slaps Scott up the back of his head*  "Use proper units, nerd.  Are you a savage?"

Me:  "Whoa, Fatima.  We have to talk about this.  You can't be hitting other employees."

Fatima:  *glares*

Scott:  "Um, I'm not complaining."

*Scott's eyes flick over to Fatima with The Look*

Oh, my.  Scott seems to have the world's worst case of Autassassinophilia.  This should be interesting going forward.

17

Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

« on: September 12, 2023, 03:02:07 am »

Today at work:

Me:  "We hired a new engineer, Fatima.  He starts today, I need you to show him the ropes."

Fatima:  "Which ropes?  The ones in the..."

Me:  "No, the figurative ropes.  It's worth mentioning that he is a fetus.  I kept wanting to ask him if his parents signed the permission slip for the interview."

Fatima:  "Perhaps it is not that he is so young, but that you are old and feeble."

Me:  "I'll have you know I beat Samuel Beckett in a fight."

Fatima: *squints*  "Was it a fair fight?"

Me:  "Yes, I had a baseball bat and he had emphysema.  Anyway, here he comes."

Fatima:  "Good lord, he is an INFANT."

Me:  "He's a year younger than you."

Fatima:  "I was never young."

Scott:  "Hey, what's up?"

Me:  "Hey, Scott, this is Fatima.  She's going to be your mentor."

Scott:  "Hello, Fatima."

Fatima:  *scowls*

Me:  "Well, you seem to be getting along fine, I'm just gonna go to that meeting I just realized I needed to hold."

Scott:  "Um...What?"

Fatima:  "We're going to do great things."

18

Literate Chaotic / Re: Don't think, just type

« on: September 08, 2023, 07:09:36 pm »

Word salad means you really aren't trying, or that you have no ideas.

Just saying.

19

Apple Talk / Re: communing with Eris: An Epiphany

« on: September 05, 2023, 10:33:07 pm »

I am posting in this thread.

20

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only

« on: August 31, 2023, 05:05:27 am »

I just got over influenza A and boy are my guts tired.

21

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only

« on: August 27, 2023, 07:46:32 am »

I have apparently been told I'm blocked from the PD(dot)Com facebook page, which I had never heard of am not interested in.

That will show me!

 

Do they think that's like a coup?

I have no idea what they think.  Maybe they just have a low buzzing noise in their heads.

22

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only

« on: August 26, 2023, 07:54:48 pm »

I have apparently been told I'm blocked from the PD(dot)Com facebook page, which I had never heard of am not interested in.

That will show me!

 

23

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only

« on: August 19, 2023, 05:34:11 am »

I get all the experience of being annoyed by American libs on Facebook without being American or on Facebook, it really is quite something.

Oh, no.  I think you'll find me FAR more annoying in real life.  Like 50 times+ more annoying.  I am a veritable typhoon of annoyance, especially to right wingers and leftists, but really to everyone, even other liberals.  I'm like Jesus, only it's Jesus that tells dad jokes all day instead of parables, both before and after I get us thrown in jail.  In Southern Arizona.  In August.

Now, there are some who have met me - and when I'm in someone else's city, I'm on my best behavior - who say at the time that everything's fine, but later say that it wasn't, and they didn't even wind up in jail.  This makes me wonder why Eastern police are so nice.  Like those charming lads on the NYPD.  Think Chelsea cops with extra amphetamine.

So ignore the castanet noise.  That's just me shaking my liberal ass while I work on the Shiny New War Crime.

Boom shaka laka.

Maybe. If we ever have a chance to meet up I'll let you know how many multiples of Mythos you rate.



Scribbly Update: I'm gonna be scarce for the foreseeable. I've taken some heavy hits over the past couple weeks and they just keep coming.

See you when the storm has passed.

Well, we're here if you wanna vent.

24

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only

« on: August 18, 2023, 08:18:49 pm »

I get all the experience of being annoyed by American libs on Facebook without being American or on Facebook, it really is quite something.

Oh, no.  I think you'll find me FAR more annoying in real life.  Like 50 times+ more annoying.  I am a veritable typhoon of annoyance, especially to right wingers and leftists, but really to everyone, even other liberals.  I'm like Jesus, only it's Jesus that tells dad jokes all day instead of parables, both before and after I get us thrown in jail.  In Southern Arizona.  In August.

Now, there are some who have met me - and when I'm in someone else's city, I'm on my best behavior - who say at the time that everything's fine, but later say that it wasn't, and they didn't even wind up in jail.  This makes me wonder why Eastern police are so nice.  Like those charming lads on the NYPD.  Think Chelsea cops with extra amphetamine.

So ignore the castanet noise.  That's just me shaking my liberal ass while I work on the Shiny New War Crime.

Boom shaka laka.

25

Propaganda Depository / Re: Self-Attribution Licence is now a thing!

« on: August 11, 2023, 01:40:40 am »

This was my idea

It's still dumb, so don't feel ripped off.

26

Aneristic Illusions / Re: Antinatalism is the hammer of Eris

« on: August 11, 2023, 01:36:15 am »

Dude, nobody gives a fuck about your cause.

27

Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

« on: August 10, 2023, 04:55:41 am »

So, there's the soul-less pizza party in the breakroom, and then there's the mandatory soul-less pizza party in the windowless breakroom.  With mandatory party hats.

I am not morally responsible for this. Fatima issued threats.

28

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only

« on: August 08, 2023, 01:23:12 am »

I PUT IN MY TWO WEEKS BITCHESSSSSSSSS!

Does this mean you get to have a life again?

9 to 5, no weekends, work is something I actually want to be doing and am good at (gonna be at a print shop, doing a little customer service a little design and possibly some typesetting). This is absolute lifechanging shit

That's awesome.

29

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only

« on: July 30, 2023, 12:17:53 am »

I PUT IN MY TWO WEEKS BITCHESSSSSSSSS!

Does this mean you get to have a life again?

30

Apple Talk / Good night, funnyman

« on: July 29, 2023, 01:40:17 am »

So Randy and I, and some of my crew were sitting there in the office, telling the worst jokes we knew.

Randy was in Vietnam in the early years of the war, thankful as hell that he managed to get in the air force, and spent his year in country in a big airbase near Saigon.  He came home, went to school, got married, and had three kids.  Then 8 grandchildren.  Then 12 great grandchildren.  All of whom he boasted about endlessly, but it never got boring or annoying.  He was just that into life.

I told the Bernstein Nails joke, and everyone busted a gut.  Randy laughed so hard he went bright red.  Then his face sagged.  Then he fell down.

He was declared dead at Saint Mary's Hospital at 4:10 PM.

Randy is for many reasons the luckiest man I ever met.  He lived through a horrible war, had a great family, and a rewarding career. 

And then he died laughing, never knowing what hit him.