Because I can't help myself, and because I don't wish to cause any more consternation. I will post all puns here with a link to the appropriate thread.
To begin:
Quote from: Kaou SuuThere are Quakers lobbying for peace in Boston Common! Quick! It's awesome!
The pun: Shaking it up in Beantown.
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=12169.0 (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=12169.0)
I wonder what would happen if the Quakers and the Shakers were to meet?
quad damage.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on April 06, 2007, 06:46:49 PM
I wonder what would happen if the Quakers and the Shakers were to meet?
Plate tectonics.
The Humpty Dance.
(http://img.consumating.com/photos/19141/large/145993.jpg)
Ok, now I have this in my head:
(http://www.beavton.k12.or.us/jacob_wismer/fourth/colonies/images/quaker.jpg)
\
"Now stop what you're doing, cuz I'm about to ruin, the image and the style that you're used to."
I just want you guys to know that THE WRATH OF MSPAINT CABAL (namely me) just spent 10 minutes trying to shop the Quaker Oats guy's face onto Humpty's body. It was a dismal failure.
Professor Cramulus
Defeated
Just grab it in the biscuits!
I think this is a job for Net.
The sad part is...they aren't dressed like Quakers! They're dressed like normal people. And that sucks.
I see they've broken out of the Quaker Black Iron Prison that is big black hats and poofy white hair.
Good for them.
No! When I want to see Quakers, I want William Penn and oatmeal, damnit. Not the Boston hoity toity bumfuck public!
Quote from: triple zero on April 06, 2007, 06:55:09 PM
quad damage.
Here's a man who knows who the true quakers are.
i'm gonna use this place too.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on April 09, 2007, 08:03:53 PMYour computer is going to have a stroke!
a keystroke?
and colon cancer
:mittens:
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=12258.msg385567#new (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=12258.msg385567#new)
QuoteDavid Bowie's immense package, FTW.
"Under Pressure" indeed.
QuoteNope. Zeus and Achilles. That was part of the whole excuse for the war, to get Achilles iced.
What a heel.
from: http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=7456.msg386119;boardseen#new (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=7456.msg386119;boardseen#new)
"a kill ease"
(ok i stole that one)
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=12330.0 (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=12330.0)
QuoteYup
I may have a new job
as, get this, a butcher
yup get to play with knifes all day
Theres a 75 % chance Ill get it, the higher ups still gotta approve it
pretty amazing since my pitch was "ok I know nothing about cuting meat.. but I like knifes, I live down the street and Im willing to work Sundays"
I'm sure you'll make the cut.
Holy cow!
Just remember for the first day, Chop, Chop, you don't want to be late.
I'm sure they were happy to meat you.
I hope the job isn't too much of a grind.
*phew* anyone have a smoke?
:lulz:
QuoteMan Ray condominiums ftl.
Icepick sex: ftw.
from: http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=12386.15 (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=12386.15)
picks or it never happened.
eh, it's anticlimatic the second time.
"Heh, that's what she said"
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=12520.msg395121#new (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=12520.msg395121#new)
QuoteA dude got arrested for fucking a pavement one time.
I reckon it's all been done tbh
I guess he was tired of his dates walking all over him so he decided to turn the tables.
Sign in an electrician's shop: 'We will refuse you.'
Sign in a guitar shop: All guitars 50% off, no strings attached!
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on June 04, 2007, 03:01:10 PM
Defining wisdom is like pulling teeth.
At least, that's what my friend the Dentist says.
wisdom teeth?
When you get to the root of it, yes.
RWHN Fun Fact #8: RWHN never grew wisdom teeth. Explains a lot doesn't it?
I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed in a few weeks. Hope I don't lose all my gnaw-ledge.
I'm sure after a few days you'll be able to find something to chew on.
You'll just have to cross that bridge when you come to it.
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on June 04, 2007, 06:23:37 PM
I'm sure after a few days you'll be able to find something to chew on.
I'll get my fillings one way or another.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on June 04, 2007, 06:37:38 PM
You'll just have to cross that bridge when you come to it.
Just hope I can 'ford it.
This thread carries the taint of pure evil
Anyone who posts in it is damned!
Do you have life insurance?
Two weathermen each broke an arm and a leg in an accident and called from the hospital about the four casts.
every time I see the title of this thread I think it says Pun Hose
and those are excellent
you jerks
No, Pun Hose is something else entirely.
Ted Kennedy: The Spirited Debator
Arlen Spector: A Sharp Pennsylvanian
(http://www.evasolo.com/billeder/products-tea-dele/tea_foto1.jpg)
I don't get it.
...Teabagging? :|
Looks like jenkem, actually.
(http://www.debbywerthmann.com/images/fork.jpg)
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/144/336970401_1375c7cd28.jpg)
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on July 10, 2007, 08:03:13 PM
(http://www.evasolo.com/billeder/products-tea-dele/tea_foto1.jpg)
tea shirt
I like the second one. Very conceptual.
The first one... the firt Muppets Movie did it better.
agreed on both accounts
(http://www.shooter.net/images/uploads/do.not.enter.virgin.jpg)
(http://images.dpchallenge.com/images_challenge/421/thumb/269040.jpg)
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on July 10, 2007, 08:17:41 PM
(http://www.shooter.net/images/uploads/do.not.enter.virgin.jpg)
Now
that is a great pun.
I have to say, typing "visual pun" into Google Images didn't open quite the treasure chest I had anticipated.
Ooh, someone needs to do "Treasure Chest".
Quote from: LMNO on July 10, 2007, 08:21:39 PM
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on July 10, 2007, 08:17:41 PM
(http://www.shooter.net/images/uploads/do.not.enter.virgin.jpg)
Now that is a great pun.
oopsies. context ruined.
There once was a mushroom named Mark
He took his lady for a stroll in the park
She had a twinkle in her eye
And said, "You are a really fungi"
And then they were both eaten by a lark.
limerick pun ftw.
not a pun, but....
There once was a man from the sticks
who liked to write limericks
but he wrote them too short
There once was a baby seal named Bub
He decided to walk into a club.
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on July 17, 2007, 03:44:03 PM
not a pun, but....
There once was a man from the sticks
who liked to write limericks
but he wrote them too short
I lol'ed. Hard.
I feel dirty now.
there once was a poet who tried for a month
to find a word rhyming with purple
he thought maybe orange,
and possibly silver,
are bad words for a limerick-writer
A clam in my hand.
Can I mussel it open?
Otter be careful.
Haiku Pun
Out on the ocean
She gives a courteous bow.
While gently waving.
A stern creature bumps my boat.
I know, it was on porpoise.
Tanka Pun.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waka_%28poetry%29#Tanka (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waka_%28poetry%29#Tanka)
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on July 17, 2007, 03:44:03 PM
not a pun, but....
There once was a man from the sticks
who liked to write limericks
but he wrote them too short
not to be a dick, but i am a bit:
"there once was a man from the sticks
who liked to compose limericks
but he failed at the sport,
for wrote them too short"
i should know. i plagerized that one for a poetry class once.
she loved it, and never suspected a thing.
These two go together:
There was a girl from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two.
-and-
There was a girl from Verdun.
Tick.... Tick..... Tick....
wicked smaat :D
George W. Bush: "I can't see, I can't see, I've got snow in my eye!"
Tony Snow: "Oops, sorry, I was aiming for your mouth."
Gymnast: I've got a horrible headache.
Friend: Really, why?
Gymanst: I think I hit the Gym Beam a little too hard last night.
(http://www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/data/500/toast_girls_feature_feature-large.png)
(repost 'cause on second thought it belonged here anyway)
(http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a29/RWHN/ist2_2381624_seal_of_approval.jpg)
psssst....
here's a version of that with the stockphoto watermark mostly WOMP'd out
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/RHWNSEAL.jpg)
Dumb ass 19 year old I took a training class with : So Tom, have you ever tried any extreme sports?
PopeTom: Well I tried sea kyaking once, but I really wasn't Inuit.
I thought this link would be appropriate here:
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5176
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on August 15, 2007, 10:09:00 PM
psssst....
here's a version of that with the stockphoto watermark mostly WOMP'd out
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/RHWNSEAL.jpg)
swote! thanks. I was too lazy to do it myself.
Quote from: LMNO on August 16, 2007, 12:30:33 PM
I thought this link would be appropriate here:
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5176
ENERGY SPORTS ENERGY SPORTS 400 BABIES SNAKE EYYYYYYYYYYYYES!
UNCOMFORTABLE AMOUNTS OF ENERGY!
KENYANS!
Quote from: LMNO on August 16, 2007, 02:53:25 PM
UNCOMFORTABLE AMOUNTS OF ENERGY!
KENYANS!
ENERGY!
AHHH!
ENERGY!!
THIS IS ENERGY FOR MEN!
MENERGY!
THESE AREN'T ORDINARY PUNS, THEY'RE
TURBOPUNS!!!
This just in!
DJ Joe: Interesting work on Delicious's cube. I'm glad that you got Gaul in there.
Suu: Yeah, I guess it took some Gaul to put all that up. Now excuse me while I empty my bladder.
Quote from: Kaou Suu on August 16, 2007, 04:06:31 PM
This just in!
DJ Joe: Interesting work on Delicious's cube. I'm glad that you got Gaul in there.
Suu: Yeah, I guess it took some Gaul to put all that up. Now excuse me while I empty my bladder.
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/RHWNSEAL.jpg)
*Office has a small infestation of fruit flies at the moment*
Me: Fucking flies. I go to open my drawer to my tea and theyre there, lined up and ready to dive in. I put some alcohol on the handle and around the edges, hopefully that will help.
Super: Or you'll just have drunk flies.
Me: Eh, I dunno. I used rubbing alcohol, maybe they will actually DIE.
Super: Then again, I don't know if you could tell the difference between a drunk fly and a sober fly. Maybe the drunk ones will actually fly straight...Or they could just be buzzed.
Quote from: Kaou Suu on August 17, 2007, 03:17:14 PM
*Office has a small infestation of fruit flies at the moment*
Me: Fucking flies. I go to open my drawer to my tea and theyre there, lined up and ready to dive in. I put some alcohol on the handle and around the edges, hopefully that will help.
Super: Or you'll just have drunk flies.
Me: Eh, I dunno. I used rubbing alcohol, maybe they will actually DIE.
Super: Then again, I don't know if you could tell the difference between a drunk fly and a sober fly. Maybe the drunk ones will actually fly straight...Or they could just be buzzed.
You: It was at that point, your honor, that I shot him.
It was fairly obvious what he was up to, when thin Lee veiled a temp.
Chad very much enjoyed the Turkey. When he was Finnish, he was no longer Hungary.
http://threepanelsoul.com/view.php?date=2007-03-06
Special for you, RWHN. :lol:
Jimmy went into the Paradise Buffet, where he enjoyed a cheeseburger.
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on April 06, 2007, 07:15:09 PM
I just want you guys to know that THE WRATH OF MSPAINT CABAL (namely me) just spent 10 minutes trying to shop the Quaker Oats guy's face onto Humpty's body. It was a dismal failure.
Professor Cramulus
Defeated
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/quakerdumpty.png)
It's difficult to do, and it still looks shit.
:|
Yeah, it just looks like he's a burn victim and the nurse did a horrible job with the face wrap.
But it is amusing nonetheless.
"Has WOMP finally met its match?!"
\
(http://images.jupiterimages.com/common/detail/76/05/23360576.jpg)
Har! I c wut u did thar!!!!
So, I hear the Fat Lady has finale sung for Pavoratti
:argh!:
I came up with this great pun this morning.
It was full of win and lulz.
But then, I had to help a co-worker sign into her computer.
And now, I've forgotten it.
this makes me perturbed.
am i the only one who keeps thinking that red smiley is doing something vaguely obscene to something invisible?
Nope, I get that feeling too sometimes.
Maybe we're just dirty pervs, though.
I dunno, I want to be a dirty perv, but that just looks like a desperate gambler in Vegas, hoping for a 7 when he's rolling craps.
lol u said "crap"
- 000,
good at being a dirty perv
lol u said "desperate"
-DC
can play that game too, punk!
Fact: 10210 is the scariest number.
An A note, C note, and E note all walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says: Hey! No minors allowed!
Then A walked to the back, and became a Major 6.
no, not a pun. musical geekery.
Quote from: Mother John Frumm on October 04, 2007, 11:56:55 PM
I've been into the nunsploitation lately(http://a3.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/26/l_cb8bd230f327000daa9f8c4048200462.jpg)
Quote from: Mangrove on October 05, 2007, 01:01:10 AM
(http://img251.imageshack.us/img251/8319/avatar218bg5.jpg)it can be a tough habit to break.
:rimshot:
A couple of cookies are hanging out at a bar.
One says to the other, "Hey check her out. She's hot. I'm going to go ask her out."
Just then, the bartender interjects,
"I'd be careful if I were you. It gets pretty ugly when Ginger snaps."
Quote from: vexati0n on October 17, 2007, 02:27:43 PM
does this mean we get a Council of Hippo?
It should be located in Hungary.
Hungary? Hungary Hippos?
So a co worker of mine, Kim, is out today, and a fellow in her deptarment announces this loudly.
"So", I says to him, "Young Kim is Ill?"
Lynching was propposed.
I think I know who that was on the receiving end too.
Quote from: Richter on October 18, 2007, 02:34:18 PM
So a co worker of mine, Kim, is out today, and a fellow in her deptarment announces this loudly.
"So", I says to him, "Young Kim is Ill?"
Lynching was propposed.
http://www.myguitarsolo.com/Players/GeorgeLynch.jpg (http://www.myguitarsolo.com/Players/GeorgeLynch.jpg)
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on October 18, 2007, 06:29:58 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 18, 2007, 02:34:18 PM
So a co worker of mine, Kim, is out today, and a fellow in her deptarment announces this loudly.
"So", I says to him, "Young Kim is Ill?"
Lynching was propposed.
http://www.myguitarsolo.com/Players/GeorgeLynch.jpg (http://www.myguitarsolo.com/Players/GeorgeLynch.jpg)
He certainly looks fretful.
Quote from: Richter on October 18, 2007, 06:44:55 PM
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on October 18, 2007, 06:29:58 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 18, 2007, 02:34:18 PM
So a co worker of mine, Kim, is out today, and a fellow in her deptarment announces this loudly.
"So", I says to him, "Young Kim is Ill?"
Lynching was propposed.
http://www.myguitarsolo.com/Players/GeorgeLynch.jpg (http://www.myguitarsolo.com/Players/GeorgeLynch.jpg)
He certainly looks fretful.
Get back to work son, or they will be Dokken your pay!
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on October 18, 2007, 06:29:58 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 18, 2007, 02:34:18 PM
So a co worker of mine, Kim, is out today, and a fellow in her deptarment announces this loudly.
"So", I says to him, "Young Kim is Ill?"
Lynching was propposed.
http://www.myguitarsolo.com/Players/GeorgeLynch.jpg (http://www.myguitarsolo.com/Players/GeorgeLynch.jpg)
:lulz:
He, (George Lynch) should be happy anyone is Googling him, even if it's for a stupid pun.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on October 18, 2007, 07:08:42 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 18, 2007, 06:44:55 PM
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on October 18, 2007, 06:29:58 PM
Quote from: Richter on October 18, 2007, 02:34:18 PM
So a co worker of mine, Kim, is out today, and a fellow in her deptarment announces this loudly.
"So", I says to him, "Young Kim is Ill?"
Lynching was propposed.
http://www.myguitarsolo.com/Players/GeorgeLynch.jpg (http://www.myguitarsolo.com/Players/GeorgeLynch.jpg)
He certainly looks fretful.
Get back to work son, or they will be Dokken your pay!
Bull, this place is already riffing me off!
What do Lance Armstrong and Kid Rock have in common?
They've both eaten Crow.
The bird was Raven about how he was going to win the race, afterwards he had to eat Crow.
The Grape Medium is into Raisin Spectres.
The number 10210 is too intense.
You've completely abandonded all pretense of context, haven't you?
Quote from: LMNO on November 06, 2007, 02:48:37 PM
You've completely abandonded all pretense of context, haven't you?
Actually, I'm just out of it.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on November 06, 2007, 02:20:26 PM
The number 10210 is too intense.
woww nice one
but, just for LMNO i'm gonna keep digging and give him 9102109, which has pre-tens as context.
Quote from: triple zero on November 06, 2007, 02:51:26 PM
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on November 06, 2007, 02:20:26 PM
The number 10210 is too intense.
woww nice one
but, just for LMNO i'm gonna keep digging and give him 9102109, which has pre-tens as context.
Being a math/stat geek AND a pun geek can be a very dangerous and frightening combination.
It's amazing I've ever had friends.
who needs friends, when you can have numbers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendly_numbers)? :)
Sweet, I just formed a cabal with 6 and 28.
i was having a discussion about birth control with my wife.
she wants me to have a vasectomy.
"why should i have a surgery, albeit minor, when you can have an IUD just inserted?"
"But those are gross," she said.
"Maybe, but there's a vas differenze between the two."
"Yeah, you're right," she said.
Quote from: Prater Festwo on November 07, 2007, 01:01:00 AM
i was having a discussion about birth control with my wife.
she wants me to have a vasectomy.
"why should i have a surgery, albeit minor, when you can have an IUD just inserted?"
"But those are gross," she said.
"Maybe, but there's a vas differenze between the two."
"Yeah, you're right," she said.
:audible groan:
Losing the lemon-eating contest left a sour taste in Johnny's mouth.
Why was Frosty the Snowman kicked out of the grocery store?
Because he was picking his nose in the produce section.
(http://img508.imageshack.us/img508/7658/gmailpunej6.png)
you could really wear out this guy--> :rimshot: in this thread
Mmm, Snow Spam.
One wouldn't expect to like Snow Spam, Yeti would.
[13:22] Richter: oh shit
[13:22] Richter: you remember this?
[13:22] Richter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCye7v79Tz0
[13:26] Suu: I don't.
[13:26] Suu: But I have to leave a comment about the racist shit on there.
[13:26] Richter: ? in the comments or the music video?
[13:27] Suu: comments.
[13:27] Suu: the song ain't racist.
[13:27] Suu: lol look
[13:27] Richter: this race has an unending supply of foolishness, it's astounding
[13:28] Suu: Turkey is a different culture.
[13:28] Richter: yup, more ottoman
[13:28] Richter: better place to put your feet up
can't remember if i ever posted this one before:
(http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g213/05136/011f1f92a76ffba268eef13c49352d42.png)
Treble brewing ITT
:lol:
Ha! Pun of the Day again. www.punoftheday.com (http://www.punoftheday.com)
i would like to take a moment to shamelessly self promote my music here (http://"myspace.com/theendisqueer").
puns, mondegreens, malapropisms, double entendre, irony and general phono-phernaelia include:
Philly Fillet, and the Love Cuts (The Band)
the task force/thugs/roadies: Fillet Minions
The Hour Long Fillet Show (Album/show?!?)
i do dance dangerously close to racist undertones, which is bound to get me flack, i know, i know-
but it's always in a deceptive way that turns out to venerate instead of defame, which is intended to make
a listener feel modestly ashamed after discovering the "real" lyrics...
such as "mozl tov cocktails", "planting kikes like ficus trees" (probably the wurst one i have)
that's the fillet, as for the Philly- the sexual innuendo ranges from subtle to stupid.
that page is my no means comprehensive of the work i've done, but whatever. i shat it. root through what you will.
I would listen, but the server is down.
My friend IMs me earlier today--
Phil: If a Japanese chick has to do something, does that mean she has an obliGEISHAn?
me: ...
me: you are awful.
(http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a149/Festwo/BestTines.jpg)
short and sweet. let's fork.
My wife is such a card, and she's the Queen of my heart.
found at EB&G
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a95/discordman/bin/vegetable-cards-5.jpg)
"You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.”
-Joey Skaggs
Horticulture?
You can lead a whore to culture...but you can't make her learn anything.
- Groucho Marx
Liquor Store advertisement: "We De-Liver"
Hmm, if it were me, I'd go with tattoe.
Now, I would suspect the punee to respond with something like "That was Corny"
If that occurs, NOW THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT, you must, I repeat YOU MUST respond with:
"Yeah, so was the toe."
A pun for Mangrove:
The therapist was one massagyonist the woman could feel good about.
A pun from my uncle:
Kraft is opening a new factory in Israel.
They're calling it Cheeses of Nazareth.
will they power their factory with a Kraftwerk?
"Eat these elbows for they are my elbows,"
From IRC, with a typo fixed.
[03:28] <@Idem> i dont get the latest RWHN post in the pics thread
[03:28] <&Payne> neither do I
[03:28] <@xooxe> me neither
[03:29] <&Payne> he's prolly been maine-lining again
The National Bank of Warsaw is also known as the "Pole Vault".
Quote from: Payne on March 25, 2008, 03:36:20 AM
From IRC, with a typo fixed.
[03:28] <@Idem> i dont get the latest RWHN post in the pics thread
[03:28] <&Payne> neither do I
[03:28] <@xooxe> me neither
[03:29] <&Payne> he's prolly been maine-lining again
w00t
also: Picks - PICS.
Ah! I was to busy reading what was written on the picks.
And I call them plectrums, or pleccys.
Fuck Scotland.
:(
Picks or GTFO! Yeah, I'm talking to you Knopler!!!!
/
:argh!:
PunOfTheDay has been kind enough to publish another one of my puns.
www.punoftheday.com Honestly, it's a pretty lame one but I'll take what I can get.
Sweet JESUS that's awful! Well-done.
I was playing cards with my buddies when my cat decided to jump on the table and piss on my hand. That's right, I had Pee-Knuckles.
:argh!:
Oh yeah, thanks to Suu, Richter, and Cram for providing me with the inspiration. You guys are a bunch of cards.
Have you gotten the cat spade since this?
Well, I submitted it to Pun Of The Day, I'm quite sure they won't publish it.
:lulz:
When he saw all of the other tall people working for the company he soon realized that he was just the Tolkien Hobbit.
The entire staph is composed of workaholics, they find their work to be quite infectious.
(http://icanhascheezburger.wordpress.com/files/2008/06/funny-pictures-oh-grate-kitten.jpg)
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Quote from: Suu on July 03, 2008, 05:25:27 PM
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
two atoms walking on the street. says one to the other, "I think I lost an electron!", says the other, "Are you sure?", "Yeah, I'm absolutely positive!"
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/funny-pictures-hareball-tennis.jpg)
Quote from: triple zero on July 03, 2008, 06:07:08 PM
Quote from: Suu on July 03, 2008, 05:25:27 PM
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
two atoms walking on the street. says one to the other, "I think I lost an electron!", says the other, "Are you sure?", "Yeah, I'm absolutely positive!"
*high fives Zippy for bad physics jokes*
Two atoms are talking about their plans for the weekend.
"So what are you up to?" Asks one.
The other replies, "I'm splittin', man. I'm going fission!"
Q: why did the dilaton get lost?
A: because it couldnt orient itself
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees."
Good show guys! I really enjoyed these.
My sewing machine doesn't seam to like processing silk. I have to worm my way out of a sticky situation here.
I'm also knife-pleating, instead of gathering, because it just looks sharp.
I hate sewing slippery fabric, I feel your pain.
Quote from: Suu on July 23, 2008, 02:34:13 AM
My sewing machine doesn't seam to like processing silk. I have to worm my way out of a sticky situation here.
I'm also knife-pleating, instead of gathering, because it just looks sharp.
You know, you're really warped.
Quote from: Rabid Badger of God on July 23, 2008, 08:19:01 AM
Quote from: Suu on July 23, 2008, 02:34:13 AM
My sewing machine doesn't seam to like processing silk. I have to worm my way out of a sticky situation here.
I'm also knife-pleating, instead of gathering, because it just looks sharp.
You know, you're really warped.
The sick thing is, I actually said all of this out loud and didn't realize it was punny until Mr. Suu gave me a look. :|
I'm working with silk dupioni, Nigel, so it's not that slippery, but it has thicker colored threads in the weft, the warp are thin black threads of fine silk. So it turned out being a bit harder to cut than I thought...being that...you know...silk is stronger than steel...And for those that have ever worked with good silk, you know that the fibers if you yank them apart, still tend to feel a bit sticky. So sticky threads coming out of a worm's ass, steel needle not wanting to make seams...sharp knife-pleats... :x
Mmmmm dupioni! It's my favorite. I just made three skirts out of dupioni; one red, one green, and one olive. I feel your pain, although my skirts were a hell of a lot simpler since they didn't require any pleating.
The Muffin Man asked Little Miss Muffet out on a date.
"I know you" she replied. "You're a crumby character. There's no whey I'd go out with you."
So, he had to tuffet out home alone.
I went to my camp on the lake over the weekend. I had a hard time though, cause I knew I wanted to do something in the water but I couldn't make up my mind. Did I want to go in a boat, or just get in the water myself?
All weekend long I was consumed with this debate of Row vs. Wade.
Dear me, I'm spreading the pun virus to other message boards now:
http://www.politicalcrossfire.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2931951#2931951 (http://www.politicalcrossfire.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2931951#2931951)
They need a little more practice though.
Me: ECH posted a link to a really good Reggae album
Eve: Yeah, good stuf.
Me: I need moar reggae. Do you have any reggae mon dations?
Jamaican me crazy!!!
Q: What does a mathematician mermaid wear?
A: An Algae-bra!
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/violent.jpg)
:lulz:
Awesome!
<&Payne> Eve was talking about her viola when I entered chat, and one thing led to another...
<@[000]> yeah
<@[000]> just like in boston
<@[000]> try to make some advertising for a cartoon
<@[000]> then one thing LED to another,
<@[000]> and you got a terrrrist warning panic scare explosion
Quote from: Suu on September 08, 2008, 04:29:56 PM
<&Payne> Eve was talking about her viola when I entered chat, and one thing led to another...
<@[000]> yeah
<@[000]> just like in boston
<@[000]> try to make some advertising for a cartoon
<@[000]> then one thing LED to another,
<@[000]> and you got a terrrrist warning panic scare explosion
:oops: I don't get it.
Mooninites, I think they were called.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on September 08, 2008, 07:09:36 PM
Mooninites, I think they were called.
Yes, Mooninites.
(http://stoneywageslave.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/mooninites8nw.png)
18:26 Payne sometimes, all one needs is base, puerile, humour
18:26 Payne nods sagely
18:27 FredLOOOVE nods basily
18:27 Payne : facepalm :
18:27 Payne Fred is RWHN?
18:27 FredLOOOVE :eek:
18:27 FredLOOOVE NEVAR
18:28 Payne YUO PUNNED!
18:28 FredLOOOVE THAT WASNT A PUN
18:28 Rhesus TOO LATE
18:28 Payne IT WAS
18:28 Rhesus OFUCK
18:28 FredLOOOVE NO IT WASNT
18:28 Eve IT WAS TOO
18:29 Rhesus WAS
18:30 FredLOOOVE NOPE
18:30 Rhesus YOU MAKE PUN
18:31 Payne we could copy this chat and ask RWHN?
18:31 Payne HE would know!
18:31 FredLOOOVE >:(
I think it might've been a pun.
I need more thyme to think it over.
In the meantime, Fred, can you draw me a dragon?
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on September 11, 2008, 08:30:28 PM
I think it might've been a pun.
I need more thyme to think it over.
In the meantime, Fred, can you draw me a dragon?
:argh!: NOT A PUN
HOW MUCH U PAYIN FOR DRAGON ? :argh!:
Quote from: Frederieke Noodle on September 11, 2008, 08:56:45 PM
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on September 11, 2008, 08:30:28 PM
I think it might've been a pun.
I need more thyme to think it over.
In the meantime, Fred, can you draw me a dragon?
:argh!: NOT A PUN
HOW MUCH U PAYNE FOR DRAGON ? :argh!:
Fixt for punnage
:roll:
The vulture was not allowed to board the plane because he had too much carrion luggage.
Did you hear about the Zen Buddhist who refused Novocain when getting a cavity filled?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
:rimshot:
i got a letter in the mail yesterday, from the publisher's clearing house.
i thought i actually won, but the payment said "post-pwn'd."
then i cried like a little bitch.
haste
I heard these on TV tonight, and they made me think of you, RWHN.
"Sake it to me"
"Put a sake in it"
What do you call a balloonist with a runny nose?
A leaky Fossett.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on October 01, 2008, 07:21:51 PM
What do you call a balloonist with a runny nose?
A leaky Fossett.
Did they ever find him?
Heh, actually this pun was inspired by this story on MSNBC:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26976119/ (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26976119/)
Apparently they've found possible "traces" of him. Whatever that means. :?
:lulz:
QuoteHiker Preston Morrow told NBC News affiliate KNBC that he found an identification card with Fossett's name on it and two laminated cards. He also said he found 10 $100 bills, $5 and pieces of clothing. Morrow told KNBC he found the items at an abandoned mine near Minaret Lake, near the town of Mammoth Lakes.
He faked his death and went underground, obviously.
Quote[21:03] * JuliaN (.@556C6EF0.B77598CA.5D08A23A.IP) Quit ( Quit: )
[21:03] <&Payne> :(
[21:03] <@Fred> OUR TURK RAN AWAY :(
[21:03] <&Payne> WE LOST THE TURK
[21:03] <@Cram> sad
[21:03] <@Cram> our turkish delight
[21:03] <&Payne> OTTOMAN DOWN
:mittens:
:lulz: :mittens:
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on October 01, 2008, 07:30:12 PM
Heh, actually this pun was inspired by this story on MSNBC:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26976119/ (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26976119/)
Apparently they've found possible "traces" of him. Whatever that means. :?
http://edition.cnn.com/2008/US/10/02/steve.fossett.search/?imw=Y&iref=mpstoryemail
Traces like shards of bone, as the article said.
Yeah, when RWHN posted that link, it was just some hiker who'd found some money and a card. The plan hadn't been found then.
Yeah but what is most important here is:
Leaky Fossett.
C'mon, that is comedy gold right there. Bow down and worship!!! :argh!:
so he survived the crash only to be drug into a cave and eaten by cannibals?
Yeah, their Moms never taught them to never drink from the Fossett.
Fara?
Yes, World Class Adventurer Fara Fawcett.
You win!!!!
She just might be diggin whips Indiana Jones style.
You're making my eyes bleed!
Stop encouraging meee!
Dear Mr. Theodore S. Ajar, this letter is to inform you that we are letting you go from your post as head of security.
Suu: *reading out loud for work* "What is Despair...?"
Richter: "Despair...Despair is what you put in dis fruitbasket."
Suu: :x
ROFL
Quote from: Suu on November 06, 2008, 11:03:08 PM
Suu: *reading out loud for work* "What is Despair...?"
Richter: "Despair...Despair is what you put in dis fruitbasket."
Suu: :x
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/RHWNSEAL.jpg)
You miss my pun in the "Soul" thread in apple talk?
General A Soul/ General Asshole.
I dunno, it was maybe a shitty pun, but I enjoyed crafting it.
Crap, I did miss that. Let me rect-ify that situation immediately.
Guy 1: So how did your date go last night?
Guy 2: Not well, she called me a snake.
Guy 1: Really, why?
Guy 2: Probably cause I was looking at other girls instead of adder.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on November 07, 2008, 05:25:36 PM
Guy 1: So how did your date go last night?
Guy 2: Not well, she called me a snake.
Guy 1: Really, why?
Guy 2: Probably cause I was looking at other girls instead of adder.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H91rPIq2mN4
Lawyer: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"
Witness: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."
From the LOGD game:
Best way to get rid of the coffin is Robitussin.
My dad and step-mom were telling me about some ice cream shop in Maine called Giffords that had won some sort of prize for excellence or something. I'm not sure on the details because they weren't, either. They were arguing mildly about the details, but I broke in: "Hey, I know all the details. You see, at the beginning of the competition, the head chef guy called in all his little worker bees and gave them all a little speech about excellence and spirit and winning through sheer quality of cream. Then he wrapped it up by saying, 'Okay, boys, let's win one for the Giffords!'"
I'm getting sent some alcohol from California. CA BOOZE!
It's going to be a trainwreck...
Puns are kinda hard for non-natives, but here I go:
My drink seemed to have vanished on a party just a few weeks ago...
Where did my Glasgow?
Quote from: BADGE OF HONOR on November 12, 2008, 11:03:14 AM
My dad and step-mom were telling me about some ice cream shop in Maine called Giffords that had won some sort of prize for excellence or something. I'm not sure on the details because they weren't, either. They were arguing mildly about the details, but I broke in: "Hey, I know all the details. You see, at the beginning of the competition, the head chef guy called in all his little worker bees and gave them all a little speech about excellence and spirit and winning through sheer quality of cream. Then he wrapped it up by saying, 'Okay, boys, let's win one for the Giffords!'"
I've got one of those shops just down the road from me. They make, as we say in Maine, wicked good ice cream.
Nice pun as well.
They say prison is where a lot of criminals learn how to commit bigger and better crimes. When a prisoner is released, is it appropriate to offer him my congraduations?
Found:
What's an archeologist?
Someone whose career is in ruins.
:rimshot:
Quote from: Eve on November 18, 2008, 04:06:07 AM
Found:
What's an archeologist?
Someone whose career is in ruins.
:rimshot:
Yeah.... "Found".
Not made up by you at all.
Oh god, if it was mine, I would more than say so.
-Eve,
not clever. not even poorly clever. it's a sad story.
Rome's obsession with bathing is said to be a factor that helped send the empire down the drain.
Hey, so if Monica Lewinsky gets cremated when she dies is that intern-al combustion?
Headline at MSNBC.com:
"Ford says it will accelerate electric car plans."
I heard they edited a really juciy sex scene out of 'Twilight'.....
.....fangs for the mammary.
:D
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/RHWNSEAL.jpg)
and
:potd:
Quote from: Payne on November 14, 2008, 01:09:56 AM
They say prison is where a lot of criminals learn how to commit bigger and better crimes. When a prisoner is released, is it appropriate to offer him my congraduations?
I thought prison is where lots of criminals learn how to commit buggery and better crimes.
http://www.xkcdb.com/?4503
<Deadpool> I made a movie with czechs and acrobats once. The Title?
<Deadpool> czechs and balances.
<AtomicCow> god i love puns!
<Deadpool> czech please!
<Vossy> it's time for me to czech out
<Deadpool> wait I have one more!
<J> another pun? Better czech yourself.
<Deadpool> what time is it when a czechoslovkian leaves a Holiday Inn?
<Vossy> czech out?
<Deadpool> =D
<Deadpool> Someone's heard these before
<Frowardd> what did the cannibal say at the end of his first meal in a restaurant?
<Frowardd> czech please!
<Deadpool> after a 3000 mile trip to eastern europe, what does one do?
<Frowardd> czech in to a hotel?
<Deadpool> czech the oil!!!
<Frowardd> I think I'm in poland
<Frowardd> wait, let me czech the map
<Deadpool> hey, see that villager Frowardd?
<Deadpool> I think they're czeching you out!
<Frowardd> !!!!
<Vossy> finishing a game of chess?
<Frowardd> what do german airplanes throw under the wheels to keep the plane from rolling?
<Vossy> czech mate!
<Deadpool> What does one mark on a european survey?
<Deadpool> a czech box!
<ftr> gah i hate playing bass when my hands are cold
<J> ftr, don't fret...
<AtomicCow> oh my god
<ftr> j: oh for gods sake dont you start
<J> you just need to get a little amped up
<ftr> OPS
<ftr> A LITTLE HELP HERE
<Frowardd> ftr, don't be so high-strung
<ftr> aaaaahhhhhhhhhh
<Vossy> you can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish
<ftr> I KNOW
<creature> ftr: You should be thankful.
<ftr> creature: what for?
<creature> His puns are bad, but his poetry is verse.
<ftr> AAAHHHHHHHHH
<ftr> GOD DAMMIT
<Deadpool> I think we've struck a chord
<J> he's just going to tune us out
<ftr> i swear to god im going to be rocking back and forth in my chair
<Deadpool> rocking one way or the other...
<J> I'm sorry. I'll try to be more chordial from now on.
* ftr goes foetal in the corner and whimpers
<Deadpool> c'mon, we're just trying to touch bass with you
<Vossy> ftr: wake up and face the music
<Frowardd> we're not trying to picka fight
<J> These puns have really changed the tenor of the conversation.
<ftr> seriously, how fucking long can you sad sacks keep this up for
<Frowardd> let's throw it into overdrive
<J> To make puns for this long, you have to b sharp.
<ftr> don't distort the lines
* ftr slaps himself
<Frowardd> you know ftr, it could be worse
<Dark-Fx> I can keep it up as long as I choir to.
<J> Probably only another minuet or two
<Dark-Fx> ftr is being quite percussive
<Deadpool> well, at least we're getting feedback.
<J> Music puns are our forte, it turns out
<Vossy> Ah, but one must be careful not to overplay them
<J> Yeah. We want to stay composed.
<Deadpool> they can get overamped.
<Frowardd> we are conducting ourselves admirably
<Vossy> it's easy to become lost in the music
<Deadpool> We should make sure to be well orchestrated
<J> If only there were some tonic that ftr could take to stop this
<Vossy> Ah, that tonic will not come forth, for it is sub-dominant to our puns :P
<ftr> there is. it goes well with gin. and it makes everything all blurry
<Deadpool> he could take notes.
<Deadpool> or play them
<ftr> oh thank god, ive never been so glad to need to restart my pc in all my life
<J> I guess we harped on it a bit too much
<AtomicCow> I think J is broken
<Deadpool> no no, j is fine.
<J> I'm OK -- this is just a prelude to the real punning.
<Deadpool> he's just getting himself in arrangement
<Dark-Fx> I don't think J thinks at the same tempo as the rest of us.
<J> No, alright, I'm done. These are starting to get a big symphoney.
<AtomicCow> do you black out and just output puns?
<J> You have to admit, though, some of those were suite.
<J> That's not true, you lyre!
<J> OK, I'm really done. Whew.
<Frowardd> that was a good run, fellas
<Frowardd> but you didn't blow up the death star.
<Vossy> finishing with perfect cadence
But, but, I'm Hungary for more!
That post really gave me the Blues.
Unfortunately for the barista, bean constantly late ended up being grounds for dismissal.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on December 09, 2008, 08:21:35 PM
Unfortunately for the barista, bean constantly late ended up being grounds for dismissal.
:argh!: You know how much I love puns, but RWHN, this is unforgivable! Or maybe it's payback for making you imagine Wade with boobs.
..Twice.
Bah!
:x
Hey, from working at Borders, there must be many stories to tell. ;)
(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/112808/snipped-last-week.gif)
A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the
clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud,
upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman.
"Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud.
On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye.
"Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success," she said.
"Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."
On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was
quite attractive. "Screw me now or climb the ladder to success," she uttered.
As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself
that this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an
absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot.
"Fuck me here and now or climb the ladder to success," she flirted.
Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man,
he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud,
there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing,
flies buzzing around his head.
"Who are you?" the man asked.
"Hello" said the ugly fat man, "I`m Cess!"
Me: As I recall, it was the Wampanoag tribe that fed the Pilgrims, and the Narragansett tribe that ate the Pilgrims.
Richter: And then the Narragansetts said, "What corny Pilgrims!"
Me: Let's not talk turkey.
Richter: I don't know, sounds fishy. (I don't remember exactly what he said.)
Me: :lulz:
How do priests spend their money?
Investments!
Quote from: Rumckle on December 18, 2008, 04:33:02 AM
How do priests spend their money?
Investments!
hahaha oh god heh
Quote from: Suu on December 17, 2008, 03:36:00 AM
Me: As I recall, it was the Wampanoag tribe that fed the Pilgrims, and the Narragansett tribe that ate the Pilgrims.
Richter: And then the Narragansetts said, "What corny Pilgrims!"
Me: Let's not talk turkey.
Richter: If they plant correctly, it's kind of fishy.
Me: :lulz:
Fixt.
Regarding cheese:
While I was at massage school, there was a guy in my class who was a musician. Over lunch one day, we got to talking about being in bands etc. He explained that he had been in a variety of bands. One was called 'the dept of transport' and only did songs about well, transport.
But what really impressed me was that while under the influence of LSD he heard someone say 'Jesus Christ' but misheard and thought he said 'Cheese Is Christ'. Once he came off his trip, he set about writing a whole set of cheese related songs with spiritual themes. The best by far was:
Man cannot live by provalone
*cleaning kitchen*
Richter: It's a strange bamboo...object.
Suu: That's a Dim Sum steamer, it came with our wok, but I have no idea how to use it.
Richter: Well the lighting has to be just right.
Suu: Wha?
Richter: Yeah, the lights have to be slightly lower than usual for them to be dim sum.
Suu: :x
:lulz:
You really woked into that one Suu. :wink:
I'll just leave this here.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/49652/the-soup-stage-mom
(NSFW)
The bull dressing in drag was the biggest Miss Steak ever made.
I figure by the time I'm done sewing all of these pearls onto my costume I'm going to be a bit beady-eyed.
Watch your posture, it would suck if you got a stitch in your side.
I think it was Hitler who said: A stitch in time saves nein.
Didn't work out for him though. When he tried to take on Russia they just kept Stalin.
Yo Adolf, I be keeping you in Czech, bitch!
John quickly realized his shift at the Casino was going to be hell on earth when he discovered there was a pair o' dice lost.
http://supermarkethq.com/product/roller-coasters
RWHN, we need you to bring the puns back!
My mind is full of charts and correlation analysis at the moment. It's caused a pun shortage. Although I'm sure my confidence will come back after a 5% interval.
Get those charts and graphs out of here, STAT!
So my buddy Ernest and I are going to Three Mile Island on a fission trip.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on February 17, 2009, 07:54:15 PM
So my buddy Ernest and I are going to Three Mile Island on a fission trip.
I take it you split up when you got there?
Yeah, but we ran out of money because our buddy Rod spent way too much money on fuel for the boat.
Is Rod related to Luke Emia?
After consulting with Google I can say yes. :lol:
When is it okay for a Man to use force against a woman?
It's not. Ever.
Unless you're Obe Wan Gynobi.
I dedicate this one to Squid-diddle:
"The predatory prawn shop skinned many an octopus alive and put a lot of suckers on squid roe."
The skiddish feline hung his head in shame as he was mocked with shouts of "Euphraties Cat!"
Ugh, it was ruined when it was put into one of those motivational poster thingies. A good pun works on its own, it doesn't need any further elucidation or explanation.
RWHN, allow me to offer a low quality intructional example:
Most men have a wandering eye.
Mine's just lazy.
:rimshot:
(although the right picture can really add a lot to a pun. please observe the word "right.")
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on March 07, 2009, 11:38:52 AM
Ugh, it was ruined when it was put into one of those motivational poster thingies. A good pun works on its own, it doesn't need any further elucidation or explanation.
totally agreed.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on March 07, 2009, 11:38:52 AM
Ugh, it was ruined when it was put into one of those motivational poster thingies. A good pun works on its own, it doesn't need any further elucidation or explanation.
Comedy has to be done en clair. You can't blunt the edge of wit or the point of satire with obscurity. Try to imagine a famous witty saying that is not immediately clear.
-Thurber
(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/021609/did-you-hear-my-show.gif)
aw, but the cartoon above is cute...
Jesse: dinner was stir fry chicken...which in turn was bitchin'
Suu: Wok n Roll!
Jesse: Indeed!
Why did the alternative rock star ask for an extra bottle of water?
Because he was Thurston Moore.
wah wah wah!!!
Miss Bartlett asked the plastic surgeon to give her a bigger pear.
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4284732
U.S. Navy teams fly in to provide medical and dental care to residents of remote Alaskan villages. Some reports say an optometrist was part of the medical team, but Navy dismisses that as an optical Aleutian
my mother raised me to be, hopefully, a grand church organist. I can't do it, though, because I already have a history of Hymnroids.
http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-246981
The porn actress insisted she didn't need any support. However, it was obvious she was putting up a false front.
Heh, I just wrote this in a thank you note without even thinking:
"Your Spontaneous Percussion workshop was a big hit with our students."
So where do you think Obama is going to get the money for Healthcare?
DeMint?
I decided to call my restaurant Norman's. The catch phrase: We serve some serious Gaul.
The executioner's favorite periodical is Hangman's News.
You can get quite the celery being a stalk broker.
The mother Pigeon was constantly reminding her children not to squabble.
Even if you killed Superman, something would have to fill the evolutionary Nietzsche.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on April 06, 2007, 06:46:49 PM
I wonder what would happen if the Quakers and the Shakers were to meet?
They would have a very calm conversation about whether or not you should have kids.
And then the Shakers would gaffe by bringing up the whole Nixon thing, and the Quakers would fucking their shit with a baseball bat. Quakers are like that.
Where do nerd birds hang out?
Wren Faires.
When you meet a New Zealander man,
With a permanent tan,
That's a Maori.
:omg:
TGRR's caught the RWH1N1 virus!
:omg:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 14, 2009, 07:51:41 PM
When you meet a New Zealander man,
With a permanent tan,
That's a Maori.
:potd:
AND
(http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a29/RWHN/RHWNSEAL.jpg)
When King Kong has fallen flat,
Try The Vampire Bat,
That's some more Wray.
O God somebody kill me
What makes you think there is something wrong with the door?
Because it's fucking a jar, dumbass!
When you find an eel
That will make you its meal
That's a moray
:x
When she thinks you're the Dad
And she's making you mad,
That's Maury!
This ray gun here tries
to put out both your eyes,
that's a Moe-ray.
:argh!: :lulz: :x :lol: :| :roll: :evilmad: :mrgreen::crankey:
Quote from: LMNO on October 18, 2009, 12:38:31 AM
:argh!: :lulz: :x :lol: :| :roll: :evilmad: :mrgreen::crankey:
Yep.
Quote from: Agent Pariah on October 17, 2009, 12:49:54 AM
When you find an eel
That will make you its meal
That's a moray
:x
:lulz: That's good, I've got another version:
If an eel bites your hand
and you bleed in the sand
that's a moray!
(http://www.underwatertimes.com/news2/moray_eel_big.jpg)
The rodent died of self-immoleation.
or/also
The chemist died of self-immoleation.
It's like a swiss-army pun.
The Mexican chef died of self-immoleation.
I found these, written on the grout between the tiles in a library restroom:
"Twist and Grout"
"Grout Expectations"
"In 'n' Grout Burger"
"Groutcho Marx"
"Et Tu, Groute?"
...and many more.
Needless to say, I was delighted. :lulz:
(http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20091206.gif)
The hair-stylist knew if she didn't perform well at her job that there would be dyer consequences.
Poets don't have many friends due to their odeious personalities.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on December 15, 2009, 02:10:05 PM
The hair-stylist knew if she didn't perform well at her job that there would be dyer consequences.
Heh, that one is certainly a cut above the rest.
The Navy sea men were given vas deferens as to what to do with their time when they came onto shore.
When the blade strikes the guy
from the eye to the thigh,
thats Fiore!
(http://www.fioredeiliberi.org/image/fiore2.jpg)
A man goes into a butcher shop and says, "I bet ya $350 that you can't reach that bit of meat," indicating a cut of beef hanging above him. The butcher looks up and says, "No way."
The guy says, "Why not?"
And the butcher answers, "The steaks are too high!"
I am now an acolyte of Priapus, unofficially. When I pass out one-liners of wisdom, can I call them priapisms?
maxman let us speak philosophy
Cram I kant!
Burns you can too
Burns it's your nietzsche
from http://fstop23.posterous.com/
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead racoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Prize?
He really stood out in his field.
From facebook:
Did you hear that the gamma ray that was deflected out of a piece of Graphite is releasing a rap album?
Apparently it's titled "Straight Outta Compton."
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey?
Bewbees.
Let him Finnish putting on his flotation device or else Helsinki.
The veteran cartographer really knew how to make his mark on the world.
It is unbelievably difficult to stay alert with attention headache.
The pirate's favorite chore is yAAARRRRd work.
What do you call a fish that has been caught and released many times?
A hole-y mackerel.
Trojan is introducing a new line of condoms made from frog skin. They are ribbit for her pleasure.
RWHN,
I think I may have gone too far
What do you call a blind Stag?
No idea.
(http://warehousecomic.com/comic/theWAREHOUSE_comic_410.jpg)
curse you websense!
Quote from: BadBeast on July 08, 2010, 11:07:57 PM
What do you call a blind Stag?
No idea.
for the sake of print, it should be pointed out that this is a verbal pun relying on stretched pronunciation.
No-eyed deer.
(no idea)
So what do you call a blind stag with no legs?
Still no idea...
The doe was tired of the male deer causing so many problems in her class so she decided to pass the buck.
The Doe came staggering out of the Forest, half dead, and bandy legged. As she passed, she said
"I'm not doing that again for four Bucks"!
she would if they fawned over her enough....
In Hind sight, maybe you're right.
buck
hey don't stop our fun there!
Have a hart!
You didn't get the pun.
Anyone?
:oops:
all i could figure was the "buck stops here"
hm... big buck
bold buck
lone buck...
.,,,
nope. i don't get it...
Quote from: RWHN on July 16, 2010, 12:08:17 AM
You didn't get the pun.
Anyone?
Big buck(s). I just got that, actually. :lol:
is that it RWHN? why did you make is singular?
Quote from: Iptuous on July 16, 2010, 02:35:55 AM
is that it RWHN? why did you make is singular?
Because deep down, all punners are (http://www.bouviers.net/dogblog/images/donkeyrescue.jpg)
You're all still wrong, though Freeky is warm. Keep hunting.
This is a quasi-visual pun.
Quote from: RWHN on July 15, 2010, 06:36:42 PM
buck
Oh, fuck.
20 point buck.
ETA: No, actually. "Oh fuck" doesn't quite express my outrage at your punnery. You get one of these as well.
:argh!:
beer nuts are a dollar-fifty
deer nuts are under a buck.
Quote from: Ferka Zarco on July 16, 2010, 12:01:57 PM
Quote from: RWHN on July 15, 2010, 06:36:42 PM
buck
Oh, fuck.
20 point buck.
ETA: No, actually. "Oh fuck" doesn't quite express my outrage at your punnery. You get one of these as well.
:argh!:
We have a winnar! Congratulations. Your Czech is in the mail. Make sure you keep him well fed.
Because I think RWHN might have missed it, and I'm kind of proud of it:
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=25942.msg906165#msg906165
Quote from: Triple Zero on August 03, 2010, 09:15:30 AM
Because I think RWHN might have missed it, and I'm kind of proud of it:
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=25942.msg906165#msg906165
:eek:
That's a .32 pun density!
:mittens: Bravo!
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/funny-facebook-steve-irwin.png)
That both pleases me and fills me with envy (that I haven't thought of those yet.)
The dairy farmer moved to New York City because the thought a curd he would get more culture that whey.
(http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs140.ash2/40345_150938091588634_118330578182719_504310_3223576_n.jpg)
Stolen from TCC
You should give it back.
RWHN,
pun snob
"OMG! You're out of Orange Schubert? You gotta be kidding me!!!!"
"Hey man, regain your composer and don't be Haydn!"
Jim broke his nose as he was exiting the Ol' Factory.
As he was making love to the Mall Cop he had a sudden feeling of in-security.
The wandering minstrel was imprisoned after being found guilty of lute-ing.
What did the Cartographer say after he found the map he had lost?
Well, that's a relief.
A review for an auto-biography about Mark Foley:
"I couldn't put it down, it was quite the page turner...."
Larry Craig's heart bypass surgery was complicated by his wide stents.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on December 13, 2010, 05:01:18 PM
What did the Cartographer say after he found the map he had lost?
Well, that's a relief.
I have inflicted this pun upon the denizens of TCC, when I brought up the Map/Territory meme. :lol:
Ba-bump!
"Hey, wanna trade some of that pasta personara of yours for some of this delicious bean stew I made with bits of man in it?"
"Sure," said the other cannibal.
When the cannibal later found out that the bean stew did in fact not have any bits of human in it, he realized he'd been had by a chili-con-man trick.
http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/showbiz/2011/08/17/ac.ridiculist.depardieu.cnn
Anderson Cooper cannot keep a straight face while making a bunch of pee puns
Quote from: Cramulus on August 18, 2011, 05:01:30 PM
http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/showbiz/2011/08/17/ac.ridiculist.depardieu.cnn
Anderson Cooper cannot keep a straight face while making a bunch of pee puns
:lulz: My favorite part was where he couldn't stop laughing. That was hilarious.
(http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20110826.gif)
mouseover:
(http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20110826after.gif)
:lulz: Chemistry jokes never stop being funny.