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CLYDE'S RETIREMENT PLAN:
TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS WORTH OF
LOTTERY TICKETS.

YUO SISSIEZ NEED TO STOP YUOR WHINING. ITS MAKING TALUFAS HEAD HURT, WHICH IS IN TURN CAUSING UNTOLD SUFFERING TO THA KOREAN COMMUNITIE.

CHEF D,
APOLOGIZES FOR TAKING SO MUCH OF YUOR TIME

BOOKS ABOUT TONGAN HISTORY IN DIS LIBRARY?

CHEF D,
DIDN'T REALIZE THAT YUO PEOPLE HATED THA COLOREDZ

PRODUCED BY SWIZZ BEATS, WAYSA?

CHEF D,
KNOAS THAT CRUNK ALREADY WENT THA WAY OF THA HIGH FADE

CHEF D,
POUNDING ON A MORMON WHO INTERRUPTED HIS SUPPER.

THAT IS ALL.  YUO MAY NOW RETURN TO TALKING ABOUT HUGH AND TURD.

CHEF D,
RETURNS YUO TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED TEDIUM.

SO I KNOCKED HIM THE FUCK OUT AND STOLE HIS IPOD.

NOW TALUFA IS BUSY ERASING FRANZ FERDINAND SONGS.

DEAL.
\


CHEF D,
LOVES SLOW OPIEZ.

IT'S FULL OF AMERICANS.

THE END.

CHEF D,
APOLOGIZES FOR THE LONG POST.

I've broke your jaw
Time after time
I've mangled sentences
But committed no crime
And bad sports mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of salsa
barfed in my face
But I've come through
And I need to roll on and on and on and on

I am the Tongan - never test
And I'll keep on stepping to the best
I am the Tongan
I am the Tongan
No time for opiez
'cause I am the Tongan of SanFran

I've knocked out your teef
And given you a baggie
You've bought me fame and fortune
And everything that goes with it

I thank you all
But it's been no bed of roses no Supercuts 'do
I consider it a challenge before the whole opie race
That i never lose
And i need to roll on and on and on and on

I am the Tongan - never test
And I'll keep on stepping to the best
I am the Tongan
I am the Tongan
No time for opiez
'cause I am the Tongan of SanFran

I am the Tongan - never test
And I'll keep on stepping to the best
I am the Tongan
I am the Tongan
No time for opiez
'cause I am the Tongan of SanFran

Profuse apologies to Freddie Mercury

MOST OF YOU CAN'T FACE THAT FACT.  SO YOU PRETEND TO BE "CONCERNED" WITH YOUR "FELLOW MAN".


CHEF DIESEL,
IS THE ONLY FREE PERSON ON THIS BOARD.

THE GOOD REVEREND IS DEAD.  THE POOR LITTLE BASTARD JUST CURLED UP AND DIED.

WHO DIDN'T SEE *THIS* COMING?

HE'S BEEN DETERIORATING FOR QUITE SOME TIME, HASN'T HE?  HE NEVER WAS RIGHT AFTER THE ELECTION, AND NEVER COULD RECONCILE HIMSELF TO THE DIVIDE IN AMERICA.  THEN, THE LAST STRAW...BETRAYED BY SOMEONE THE POOR LITTLE TARD THOUGHT WAS HIS FRIEND.  WHAT A FUCKING MORON.

DONE LAUGHING?  GOOD, THEN WE CAN CONTINUE:

THE "GOOD" REV THOUGHT, MORON THAT HE WAS, THAT HIS CUTE LITTLE SCREEDS COULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE.  WHAT THE IDIOT DIDN'T REALIZE WAS THAT WHILE HE (AND ONE OR TWO MORONS LIKE HIM) WAS SERMONIZING, EVERYONE ELSE WAS EITHER JABBERING ABOUT COOKIES AND PIE, OR TRYING TO FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER.

NOW HE'S GONE...AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT *THAT* MEANS.

CHEF IS FREE AT LAST.  NOW, WE'LL HAVE SOME *REAL* FUN.  WHERE THE "GOOD" REV TRIED TO ENCOURAGE WEIRDNESS, CHEF DIESEL WILL "REWARD" IT.  FOR EXAMPLE:

1.  INCITING DRUNKEN REDNEX IN PUBS TO BEAT UP ANYONE THAT LOOKS DIFFERENT.  THE GOOD REVEREND DEVELOPED NICE SKILLS LIKE THESE, AND NOW *I* CAN FINALLY PUT THEM TO THEIR PROPER USE.

2.  PURCHASING COPIES OF THE MOST OUTRE GAMING PUBLICATIONS, AND SENDING THEM TO LOCAL CHURCHES ALONG WITH OUTRAGED LETTERS ABOUT OUR CHILDREN BEING SUBVERTED BY SATANISTS.  THE ADDRESS OF THE LOCAL GAME SHOP, AND THE NAMES OF THE OWNER(S) WOULD HAVE TO BE INCLUDED, OF COURSE.

3.  WRITING THREATENING LETTERS ON "OFFICIAL" MOVEON.ORG LETTERHEADS.

4.  TORMENTING ANY OF MY EMPLOYEES THAT DON'T BEHAVE LIKE TOTAL NEANDRATHALS.  THE DRUNKEN, WIFE-BEATING CROWD WILL BE GRADUALLY PROMOTED TO FOREMAN SLOTS.  THINK OF THE HILARITY!

AND SO ON.  HOW'S *THAT* FOR SOME "JAKERY", MY LITTLE FREAKS?  THIS IS GOING TO BE A REALLY GOOD YEAR, I THINK.

NOW, BEFORE THA CHEF GOES, I'D LIKE TO EXTEND A LITTLE THANKS TO MALAUL, WHO HELPED MAKE ALL THIS POSSIBLE.  WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT SUCH A LITTLE GESTURE WOULD MAKE THE POOR LITTLE FUCKWAD GO UNDER?  TO SHOW MY APPRECIATION, I WILL BE GIVING THE URL TO THIS WEBSITE TO THE TROLL ARMY AT FUCKED COMPANY.  I HOPE NOBODY *BAD* FINDS IT.

THE RENEGADE SUBGENIUS IS DEAD.  LONG LIVE THE ROGUE SUBGENIUS.

CHEF D,
IN THA DRIVER'S SEAT.  FOREVER.

WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?

CHEF D,
OWNS THIS JOINT.

...

I FEEL LIKE I JUST WALKED INTO A CRAZY OPIE CONVENTION.