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I am your enemy.

I'm a coward.  I play Chaotic Good in D&D, but Chaotic Spineless in real life.  I am kind to everyone I meet, generous, all the hallmarks of "good", but I am not good.  I allow evil to thrive and only give lip service to resisting it.  I allow racist and homophobic coworkers to feel like that shit is acceptable, by not showing my fangs every time I look at them.  By being polite to them.  By rationalizing my cowardice with "I would totally do something if I ever actually saw them say or do anything against a homosexual or POC in person".  I do this with full knowledge that it's a rationalization, that I am a spineless coward, and that I should do SO MUCH MORE to fight for what I believe in.  Yet, I continue.  I go to work, I keep my mouth shut, and I fill my spare time with bullshit.

I have read hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this website and many others, I know what the concept of the Black Iron Prison entails, I have taken many many steps down a road to becoming a better person, a smarter person, a biped, and then I stopped.  I gave up.  I shrank.

I am controlled by my fears.  I don't want anything to upset my precious little life, and because of this, I don't do anything to try and protect my precious little life from the major things happening that threaten it.

I am the perfect tool of the state.  The ultimate consumer.  I have a 55" OLED overpriced TV, a HD projector with a 120" screen, a powerful top of the line PC to play games on, etc etc etc.  I have tons of privileges granted to me by luck, skin color, and sexual orientation.  I am the white middle class man.  I did not start out this way, but this is the reality of who I am today.

I am no genius, but I am not a complete fool either.  I have the strength to look directly at the ugliness of what I am, and the ugliness around me, without flinching.  Yet, I am defined by my weakness, laziness, and unwillingness to change it.

I may not be the obvious evil, but it is because of me and my weakness that evil grows strong.  My apathy feeds it.  My hesitancy gives it confidence.  My fears give it freedom... MY freedom.

10 Years ago if someone accosted me in the street to go after my wallet, ONE OF US would be headed to the hospital.  Now, I'd give up my wallet without a fight.  I doubt I'd even whine as I handed it over, and instead whine in safety, later, when it no longer matters.

I don't even know what is so precious about my life that I am so afraid of losing it.  I don't understand how I can be FULLY AWARE that the life I lead and friends I have are AT RISK by allowing horrible shit to continue.  Yet I remain sitting here on my couch, wondering what happened to the Discordian Trap Door that used to spring open when I got too complacent.

I don't know who the fuck I am anymore.  I don't recognize this coward.  Yet I am he.  This time when I died, I somehow survived my own death, and now I'm just a ghost of a person sitting around eating doritos and playing Star Citizen.

I don't know what I hope to accomplish by this confession either.  If anything I am proof that Roger is right, fuck our moronic species.

I may not be the most evil thing around.  Or Really Real Evil.  However, I am certainly more problem than solution.  I live in Redneckville Wisconsin (A.K.A. Elkhorn) where Trump flags outnumber the American flags and every church in town makes the Town Hall building look ghetto by comparison.  A very comfortable, pleasant, suburb of Hell.  I'm surrounded by very friendly, kind, family-oriented demons.  Demons that actually cheer on American Hitler, refuse to wear masks during a global pandemic, and spread ideas like "Climate change is a hoax" and "vaccines kill babies" and I shit you not "the earth really is flat".  While I do disagree when that stuff is said out loud around me, I do so politely.  I don't berate people for not wearing a mask.  I don't tear down the Trump flags everywhere.  I don't do much of anything, really.

In short (too late!), I am the enemy.  Not by choice, but by apathy.  I would invite you to put me out of my misery, but I am not miserable.  Just, very disappointed in myself.  However, if one of you WERE to take me out, I would totally understand.  Because I am the enemy.  My own, most of all.

People are strange.

I often see people walking around, both in public and on the clock at their jobs, in the strangest costumes. 

The guy walking around dressed like a Cowboy straight out of an old Western movie, who has never wrangled a cow or whatever in his life.  Who lives in the apartment two doors down from me and doesn't even know what a pasture smells like.  He likes his theme so much he drives the big pickup truck, has a belt buckle the size of Texas (here in Wisconsin), and when he can, he carries a gun on his hip just in case Billy the Kid shows up one day.

The woman dressed like some sort of gothic vampire.  With the "I <3 ZOMBIES" keychain.  White powdered face with heavy black eyeliner.

The person who appears to be a man wearing a dress, bra, and wig to work, because that is the look they prefer.

The guy in the Businessman costume, not a tuxedo but shirt and tie and "very nice" shoes.

The casual Steve in his old hole-filled ripped up T-Shirt and holey jeans.

The Princess in her stunning dress and other accessories and make-up that had to have taken at least two hours each morning to put together.

These are all people I work with.  Walking around in costume, covered with the marks of their respective themes.  This is fully accepted for the most part.  There are exceptions (the rednecks like to poke at the crossdresser and the casual steve is always ribbing the businessman and whistling at the Princess) but for the most part nobody is ever told to "go home and come back dressed normally".  Why?  Because that is normal.  These are accepted normal ways to dress in modern society, even by supervisors and managers.

Don't misunderstand, I'm not judging or criticizing.  Actually I think it's pretty great.  But, as fucking ALWAYS, my problem is with INCONSISTENCY.  GOD I HATE INCONSISTENCY.  My brain latches on to it like a life raft and will NOT let it go.

If I show up to work today wearing a Wizard robe, a wizard hat, carrying a big magicky-looking staff, driving a car painted to look like a dragon, I'm the weird one.  Not the Cowboy, not the Princess, me.  What makes one theme more acceptable than another?  A robe and hat and stick are much easier to set aside, take far less preparation, and are more likely to make people smile, than a full-on Vampire costume.  However, if I go to work like that I have absolutely no doubt I would be sent home to change into "regular clothes".  And If I went home and put on a cowboy costume and came back, that would be considered changing into normal clothes.

I would like to know who draws these arbitrary lines, and what kind of bribery would be effective on them.  I want to see more wizards, more Monks, more goofy Doctor Who outfits, more people dressed like Neo in the Matrix, driving around my workplace in a forklift.  Operating the machine next to mine.  Fixing my shear when it breaks down.  Instead I get about 30 cowboys and a few of the other mentioned types, and that's it, because anything else is somehow "too weird".  Worse, at least half of the fucking cowboys are of the openly racist, kill-animals-for-fun variety.  At least the guy in the Wizard robe I know I'd probably get along with.

Or Kill Me.

DISCLAIMER:  This thread is stupid.  Skip it.  I created it for me, to vent.  It's an entire thread of me bitching about stupid petty crap that shouldn't bother me but does.  You've been warned!

So yeah, there's a ton of large painful shit in my life that bothers me.  So what to do?  I know!  I'll focus on petty bullshit instead!!!

Here's a bunch of stupid small petty bullshit that bothers the fuck out of me.

1.  Every fucking day driving to work I encounter the same shit.  Self-important assholes that want to turn right at an upcoming intersection but first switch to the less populated left lane and slams the gas to pass a few cars first, only to cut over to the right lane at the LAST POSSIBLE FUCKING MOMENT and make six people slam on their goddamn breaks so Mr Asshole can get a few cars ahead.  GOD DAMN I FUCKING HATE THESE ASSHOLES.  I wish I had a rocket launcher attached to my vehicle.

2. Every fucking day driving home from work there are an INSANE number of assholes in the opposite direction that blind me with their motherfucking brights on.  FUCK YOU.  I AM HAPPY YOU WILL ALL DIE SOMEDAY.

3.  People who cut me off as I start speaking, because they assume they know what I'm about to say but they are fucking WRONG AND WONT LET ME GET THE SENTENCE OUT ANYWAY BECAUSE THEY ARE SO FUCKING SURE.  This one especially at work.

4.  STUPID PETTY WORK FUCKING DRAMA.  I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF DAN TAKES 12 MINUTE BREAKS INSTEAD OF 10 MINUTES JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.  I DONT CARE IF DAVE IS PROBABLY GAY.  I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE LEAVE ME ALONE I'M TRYING TO FUCKING LISTEN TO MY MUSIC AND IGNORE YOU SHITHEADS.

5.  STUPID PETTY WORK FUCKING DRAMA.  Stop talking about everyone behind their back.  10 times a day I encounter a small group of 3-4 people standing around on a break talking shit about someone, usually shit they KNOW NOTHING ABOUT but are guessing because their life is BORING AS FUCK.

6.  If I want to turn right at a red light and can't because some ass is sitting in the right lane going straight and NOBODY IS IN THE LEFT LANE that asshole should die violently.

7.  Everyone who drives a pickup truck is a stupid asshole.  People who drive a pickup truck so fucking huge it takes up TWO GODDAMN SPACES in the parking lot is TWICE THE ASSHOLE.

8.  Yes, I am good with computers.  No, that doesn't mean I want to give up hours of my free time removing viruses from your shitty fucking laptop for free because you download and run random stupid bullshit constantly.  We're friends?  Cool, then be a pal and learn how your own shit works!  Or pay me for my time, effort, and skills.  I HATED working for GeekSquad.  If I tell you it'll cost you $50 and an Excedrin to get me to de-virus your shitty Windows laptop that is NOT A FUCKING JOKE, that's the cost of the headache you're giving me.  I am, however, happy to stick Linux on your craptop and only charge $5 each time you need me to fix something.  Why?  Because with Linux anything you fuck up I can fix in five minutes with a couple of console commands.

9.  If I'm having a bad fucking day and I mention to you something like "Yeah man I'm not feeling it today so I'm going to wear my headphones and just do my work and go home"  that's me telling you I'm not feeling social and don't want to chat.  That is NOT an invitation to spend the next hour asking me questions and trying to be sympathetic.  I appreciate that you know how I feel, that you get like that too sometimes, that you think I am nice and that you want to help.  I appreciate that you've had similar issues in your life and want to tell me all about them and give advice.  You are, however, not helping.  Leaving me the fuck alone so I can vibe to my tunes, THAT is helping.

10.  I don't like to talk about what I do outside of work.  This doesn't mean there's some big fucking mystery and I spend what little free time I have doing something crazy secret like assassinations or something.  Actually it means I'm boring as hell and I come home and read the internet or a book and occasionally fuck my girlfriend.  If I had any interests in common whatsoever with any of my coworkers I would talk to said coworker about said interests.  I don't, so I don't.  If I tell you the answer to your questions would bore you, I'm speaking from experience.  Take my word for it.  You don't want me to describe how I spent most of last night reading linux man pages to get the PC I use as a router to do what I want it to because you wouldn't fucking understand anything I said anyway.*


*  The caveat to that last one, is people who insist I do so anyway.  It's actually kind of fun to give them exactly what they want, and waaaay too much of it.  20 minutes into the in-depth detailed account of the Drama of the SSH Protocol when they are desperately trying to escape or change the subject and I start following them around to finish my six hour story of how I cleverly solved my network issues with a custom bash script that calls another bash script remotely etc etc etc and they start to really learn the lesson.  I will consider it the ultimate victory when I get someone to quit their job because they pushed and pushed me into talking about the shit I do that I KNEW they would find insanely boring, so I gave them SO MUCH of what they asked for that they just couldn't take it anymore.



---

You know, somehow, despite everything above, I still seem to be pretty well liked at work and I cannot for the life of me fathom why.  I wish they hated me and left me the fuck alone but apparently the more I try to avoid talking to them the more they want me to like them.  They are all just like my goddamn cat, who is purring in my lap right now because I tried to ignore the little fucker.

I'm genuinely sorry if you ignored my disclaimer, read all the above anyway and were not entertained by it.  This shit (and more) is building up every day and I need to shit it out somewhere or explode.

[at all]

I mean, most of the people here facebook, so you may or may not even care anymore, but:

BAIT:  http://www.ign.com/articles/2015/03/18/windows-10-upgrade-free-to-pirated-windows-users
          http://blog.gsmarena.com/windows-10-last-version-windows-says-microsoft/

HOOK:   https://www.theinquirer.net/inquirer/news/2373838/microsofts-windows-10-preview-has-permission-to-watch-your-every-move
             https://imgur.com/iHge6RJ

That last link is the most important to carefully look over.  Microsoft is not trying at all to hide the extreme privacy violations inherent in their new Operating System.

If this trend bothers you, you can always try a free alternative like OpenSUSE or Linux Mint or even Zorin OS.

hxxps://www.facebook.com/idlesuicidal/videos/1881657495491875/

Things I've learned from PeeDee.

1.  I've learned that holy men can be more dangerous than drug fiends.

2.  I've learned that darlings WANT you to murder them without mercy.

3.  I've learned that when you are experiencing butthurt, if you suddenly look behind you REALLY FAST you can sometimes catch Nigel slipping away grinning.  When this happens, pull your pants back up and move the fuck on, you deserved it.

4.  I've learned that Operation Mindfuck is not about being funny, that's just an effective tactic (as is cognitive dissonance) towards the real goal.  Which is the proverbial monkey wrench, aimed at half-asleep monkey brains.

5.  I've learned that collateral damage can be a very good, desired outcome.

More to come after work.

Feel free to add your own.

Flowers in the hair.  Often the same people that hug trees and protect nature, DO THIS STUPID SHIT.

Why is that beautiful?  Why is that acceptable for someone who professes a LOVE of nature?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING.

I mean, the concept is TERRIBLE.

First, you find something beautiful and natural growing out of the ground.  Something so beautiful that it's likely at its peak of beauty and life.

Then you rip it out of its support, killing it, and put the pretty corpse in your hair to use its beauty to enhance your own.

...

You are wearing the slowly decaying corpse of something beautiful that you killed just to steal its beauty for your own.

How about instead you make something beautiful, meant for your hair, and put that in there?  Not only are you not murdering a beautiful plant for selfish reasons, but you can be proud of the beauty the thing in your hair adds because YOU MADE IT.  It's YOURS.  The beauty in it came from YOU to begin with.

I mean, I give a shit about flowers, but INCONSISTENCY hurts my brain.

Or kill me.

So I somehow completely randomly came across this while searching for something entirely unrelated:

http://discordia.wikia.com/wiki/Professor_Cramulus

...And I have to ask.  What in the hell?

At first appearing to be an agent of chaos, it slowly became more and more evident to observers outside of his sycophantic core group of adoring followers that Cramulus is, in fact, something else entirely... a mole agent of Order whose primary goal is to "organize" the Discordian Society out of existence.

[DON'T LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE - THEY ARE BAD FOR YOU!]

DON'T LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE - THEY ARE BAD FOR YOU!

Ok, I know they talk a serious (or at least, hilarious) game.  I get that much of what they say can be very enticing.  This is the BAIT they are using to lure you in, you sucker.

What you are missing is that NONE OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE YOUR BEST INTEREST IN MIND.  NONE.  Even when they say they do.  Why would you ever believe a Discordian???

Think about it.  I've read hundreds upon hundreds of threads here over the last few years and have realized these folks at PD are a BIG FUCKING THREAT.  The more you read, the more you learn, the more you let them dose your mind with the literary LSD they carefully package in a deliciously spicy blend of hilarity and WTF, you LOSE PEICES OF YOURSELF.

Everything you are trying to accomplish in your life, ALL OF IT, is THREATENED by each word you read in this place.  They are KILLING YOU.  You work your fucking ass off ALL DAY LONG, day after day after DAY, to afford your comfortable place, your nice clothes, your big screen TV with 10,000 channels and Netflix, your XBOX420 and your virtual reality headset and your motion-activated plastic fish that sings and your collection of whatever-the-fuck-you-collect.  These are NICE THINGS.  You get to come home after a hard day and relax and turn off your brain (or keep it off, if you work the type of job that most of us do).  You get to watch your shows and put your feet up and relax for the short spurt before going to bed.  Nice.

But then one day while wasting some time online you come across something that's pretty funny, pretty interesting, and you look more into it.  You read more of it.  Over time, you start to find yourself agreeing with things you never thought you would.  You start to see the Truth in what they are saying and the Bullshit you are surrounded by.  The Bullshit you surround yourSELF with.  That you trick yourself with.

That's when they GOT YOU.

At first it's only a mild annoyance, in the back of your mind.  Something you read, in one of those many rants, sticks out in your mind a bit more than most.  You start seeing things a little differently.  Your priority shifts ever so slightly.  Your shows start to seem unusually boring, repetitive, and insidious.  You start to notice spiders.  Shadows and spiders.  You start to notice pills.  You start to notice all manner of uncomfortable realities that were always there but invisible.

One day you realize you are no longer comfortable.  No longer satisfied.  You feel abused, manipulated, and surrounded by cons.  CONS.  All sorts of them.  From low level stupid cons you really should have noticed before, to epic, masterful cons that had to have taken massive teams of amazingly skilled con-artists to create.  Suddenly, it's hard to breathe.

So you go back to the place that did this to you and search for an explanation.  Instead, you realize they find it FUNNY.  They are LAUGHING AT YOU.

Eris likes it when you are uncomfortable.  Her Discordians like it too.  That's what you missed.  That's what you didn't see until it was TOO LATE.  But it IS too late.  Now there's only one direction left that you can really go... DEEPER.

So you read more and more, hoping for a weakness, an achilles heel to this insidious mind-control they've pulled on you with LAZ0RS and FNORDS.  You laugh at the jokes along the way, and the noobs that are starting down the path you are now too far down to turn back.  You laugh at the noobs that don't get it, and can't even see the path is there.  You even start to laugh at your own foolishness, in being so comfortable in the first place.  After all, you were surrounded by spiders and didn't even know it.

That's when they GOT YOU AGAIN.

You laugh, and you laugh.  You start making your own jokes.  You start making your own posts.  You even start showing some noobs the path markers they keep missing, all the while laughing at them too for being such utter fools.  Laughing WITH the other Discordians, because you are fully one of them now.

"NO WAY" you say, "I can see the joke, sure, but I'm NOTHING LIKE THE REST OF THEM."

Sure, numbnuts, you're not like them at all.  But neither are THEY.  That's what drew your attention to begin with!  That's how they GOT YOU.  A singular point of view gets BORING.  These are CHAOS people you are dealing with.  They destroy your LIFE, laugh at you for it, then keep laughing until you get the joke and laugh too.

Discordia is not a cult, nor a religion.

Discordia is a journey that comes in many stages.  How many exactly varies person to person.

It's a fucking hidden trap door in your COUCH, and while you sit there watching some corporate approved "rebellious" TV show suddenly the trap door springs open and you fall into an alternate dimension full of spiders and horrors and the couch is coated in SUPERGLUE and the TV only shows some hypnotic white noise that's DAMN hard to look away from and the snack you were mindlessly munching on is now MUD.

It's a fucking combination of every itchy as fuck sweater every grandma ever made into one lumpy fuck of a body suit and duct-taped around your entire naked body.  Every time you so much as turn your head to look at ANYTHING it's all ITCH ITCH ITCH BURN BURN BURN.

Doesn't sound fun or funny, does it?

That's because you're not yet ready to get the joke.

If you would rather stay in the Matrix and eat steak, this is your last chance.

GET THE FUCK OUT NOW.  DISCORDIA IS BAD FOR YOU.

You have been warned.

(This post has not been proof-read, re-read, or even read for the first time.)
(Yup, that means you didn't read it either.  Fucking LSD)

- trix

Living in the world the golden apple brought about
laughing at the horror and the fear and the doubt
People going nuts, no longer having fun
and everybody thinks they're the prettiest one.

I'M PRETTY
I'M GREAT
SO I CONTROL MY FATE

Imposition of Order equals Eris' delight
BAN ALL THE THINGS yeah that'll make it right!
Cheering really hard for the victory you've won!
Everybody thinks they're the prettiest one.

I'M PRETTY
I'M GREAT
SO I CONTROL MY FATE

People are prayin, pleadin, and wishin
for the Greyface to complete their mission
what does it matter if you carry a gun
when everybody thinks they're the prettiest one?

I'M PRETTY
I'M GREAT
SO I CONTROL MY FATE

People are the problem, why can't you see?
Everyone else thinks they're better than me.
Everyone wants to ruin everyone's fun
because everyone thinks they're the prettiest one.

I take the constitution very seriously.  I think that BOTH of the amendments are very very important, but the second one is most.  The right to bear arms.  Not just have them, mind you, the right to bear them.

That means the right to put them right out where everyone can see them.

Personally, I'm glad I live in a country where I can walk down Main Street with my trusty 50lb Broadsword strapped to my back.  This sword is bigger and duller than I am, which in the latter case is really saying something.  Without my sword (which I've named Phallus) I would feel less like the level 3 Human Warrior I am, and more like the skinny little twerp I was before.  Also, yes, I'm level 3.  I think by now I've killed enough Large Rats and Spiders and Snakes to have gained at least two levels.

Ok, sure, technically if I am attacked by bandits, I don't think I can lift Phallus high enough to attack anything above the kneecaps.  And sure, I've been told I'm probably better off with a big knife I can actually lift.  But what you don't understand, is a WARRIOR needs a GIANT SWORD because that's what makes us awesome.  Not our crappy personalities or our complete lack of style, THE BIG, HUGE, UN-IGNORABLE FUCKING WEAPON.

So, when I walk drunk into Denny's at 3am, step up to the hostess, unstrap my trusty Phallus, hoist the fucker as high as I can lift it, point it in the general direction of "slightly above the floor", and shout HOW MUCH GOLD TO STAY AT THIS INN??  I expect my right to drunkenly bear arms to be upheld.

I also expect that when I explain the above to the police, they don't laugh at me and tell me never to go back to that Denny's.

I don't like my second amendment rights being infringed upon.  A monk is allowed to keep his/her fists!  Just because my Phallus is bigger, and more awesome, I have to put it away so others don't feel inadequate? BALLS!

I call for a stance for our second amendment rights.  If I want to try really hard to point my Phallus at your foot, I have a goddamn right to!

Or Kill Me

So I searched these forums but was unable to find a thread on this topic so here's one.

At onecommunityglobal.com they are attempting to create a sort of Venus Project / Zeitgeist sustainable community that is both a tourist attraction and an example of modern living in comfort while using only sustainable technology.  I've spent a couple weeks reading nearly everything on their website, which is a LOT of reading and researching, and I have to say I very much like this project

However, some of the terminology they've invented and the way a lot of their ideas are presented makes me a bit... hesitant.  They seem rather heavily Holistic / PETA-ish in their way of addressing many things.  Maybe I'm just knee-jerking to the word "Holistic" and certain terms like "The Highest Good Of All" which reminds me of Grindlewald from the Harry Potter universe. ("The Greatest Good!")

I'm curious as to what the people here may think, being somewhat better than me at spotting bullshit disguised as goodness.

- trix

Ok apparently I don't get to sleep yet, because I just found out I was supposed to remember to do something before I go to bed.  But I don't really want to, so while I stay up even longer under the excuse that I have something to do, allow me to avoid getting to it by making a thread dedicated to everyone's favorite Mitch Hedberg joke, just because.

I'll start.

As an adult, I'm not supposed to go down slides. So if I end up at the top of a slide, I have to act like I got there accidentally. "How'd I get up here, god damnit?! I guess I have to slide down."

[ton]

ddate is a command-line utility that for a very long time came standard with most Linux distributions as part of the "binutils" package, and when executed displays the current discordian date.  Recently, one particular upstream maintainer of the binutils package decided this very tiny 12k utility was not worthy of inclusion and removed it, despite a rather large amount of negative feedback and absolutely no benefit to doing so.  This prompted many many bug reports and other bitching, due to many people (myself included) using ddate in various scripts to various effect.

Is anyone else annoyed at this?  I mean sure, some distros handle it themselves, either by adding a separate "ddate" package into the repository or by using an older version of binutils or even by patching the upstream binutils to reinclude ddate.

But still, I either have to revert to an older binutils, rewrite about a dozen scripts per computer in each of the 16 PC's in my cluster, or wait until each of my OS's add ddate directly to the repo and download it.  Or do a fuckload of patching.  Not the end of the world, but an annoyance for no good reason whatsofuckingever.

Speaking of which, on an unrelated note, I have a ton of decent computers (average power = Core2Duo cpu with dedicated ATI HD 2400 Pro video card and 3GB RAM) that I got for free, by replacing all of them at my brother's work with newer models and being gifted the old ones for my trouble.  Anyone that pays for shipping can have one, for free.  I'll even toss in a keyboard and monitor, though I am low on mice so you'll need one of those.  First come first serve until I run out of extras, have about 8 I'm not using right now, and another 5-10 coming next week.

Anyway back on topic.  What the fuck.  The guy that changed binutils responded to all the complaints with (and I'm paraphrasing strongly here) "Yeah well I don't use it so everyone else can go fuck themselves".  I'd congratulate him on some very excellent trolling, if I believed that was his true purpose, but I think it's more likely that he just really is a prick.

No real point to this post, most of you wont give one whit of a shit, I guess I just need to vent my frustration before I start rewriting some scripts.

This might come off as pretentious and stupid.
That might be because I am pretentious and stupid.

Anyway:

The way I see it, Discordia comes in millions of flavors, but only three real scopes.  And what I mean by scopes is that, on the one end of the scale, we are all Popes.  We have EVERYBODY'S Discordia, even in the modern BIP interpretation where (whether an individual knows it or not) we are all in our own little cell in the BIP, even if we don't see it or have other names for it.  Then, on the other end of the scale, we have the INDIVIDUAL'S Discordia, AKA, MY Discordia.  Which is better than YOUR Discordia and EVERYBODY'S Discordia because it is specific to me as an individual Mildly Intelligent Pretend Agent of My Own Destiny.  Between the two, there's a middle scope, the "Stuck Apart" Discordia.  OUR Discordia you might call it.  This includes the Cabal level, Forum level, and Community level takes on Discordia.

And, obviously, the further you are from EVERYBODY'S Discordia the more exclusive the party becomes.  Of course, there's the fewest number of EVERYBODY'S Discordias and the greatest number of MY Discordias, so anyone interested can still connect at all three scopes to Discordians with close enough interpretations for meaningful discourse.  I myself am part of the PD-ZWZM-BIP-TtC "EVERYBODY'S" Discordia at the left end, this forum and a local Cabal in the middle, and a version of life in MY Discordia exclusive to my gf and I, on the other end.

I'm not sure if that makes sense or where I'm really going with this.  I guess I just find it an interesting train of thought.

Also I think that the whole scale including the extreme "ALL POPES" end implements its own filters to repel those Discordians that are better off sticking a bit aparter.  Yes I know aparter isn't a word.  The PD is probably the first filter most encounter, and you have to have a certain level of tolerance for humor and/or silliness to ride that ride.  Every collection of Discordians I've encountered seems to have these filters, and the filters are always a bit different.


I don't know.  Somebody come in here and finish my thought please, because I seem unable to take it anywhere

I could always use a few extra tricks to whip out when the mood needs more giggle.  Maybe you could too.

Feel free to contribute.

Here's what I've come up with in the last 45 seconds:

1) Write down the word flatulafartipoopy and have someone pronounce it out loud.

2) Quote Mitch Hedberg.

3) With a straight face, take off your right shoe, then your sock. Ball your sock up, and stuff it into your pants to make your crotch bulgier.  Extra points for doing this on an elevator full of people. Extra extra points if you do this and are female.

4) Silly impersonations

5) Draw a large smiley face on a peice of paper, fold it up, and get into character as a Secret Agent.  Stealthily pass the note to someone as if they are also an Agent and should be expecting it, then take off running while they unfold the paper, as if it's going to explode.

http://thefreethoughtproject.com/citizen-pulls-drunken-cop-locks-cruiser/

Meet Russell George. Russell was driving Stott Street one Sunday night last year, when he noticed a police van driving fast and recklessly.
The van was swerving and turned into oncoming traffic.

"At this point I was concerned about the safety of other road users," self-employed George told The Witness.

"He suddenly jammed on his brakes and came to a complete stop."

"I got out of my car and went towards him and I asked him if he knew what he was doing. He started his car and carried on driving," he said.

Continuing to drive recklessly, the policeman turned into Logan Road and came to a stop at the Howard Road intersection.
George decided it would be best to call the police. He was told the police would be there shortly.

"After five minutes, no one had arrived. So I jumped out of my car and I approached the driver's side and asked him to come out. He looked at me and I could smell that he had been drinking.

"I asked him again, and he refused.

"I then grabbed his keys, pulled him out and locked him in the back of his own van," George said.

He added that the police van was badly damaged, as if it had been involved in an accident.
Witnesses said that the officer who'd been locked in the back of the van began crying.

My friends and I play a custom version of MtG we invented called the Hunt.  This game requires 5+ people, and we play it every other night or more because we are addicts.

Our version has a bunch of custom tweaks to fit our playstyle, but the one relevant to this thread is that prior to each game, we pull out a stack of custom made Hunt Cards containing each of our faces, and deal them out face down.  Whoever's card you get is your "target", and all spells, attacks, enchantments, or anything that uses the word "target" can ONLY be played against your specific target.  If you kill your target you get 8 life and the Hunt Cards are collected, the dead person's is removed, and the remainder are re-dealt.  There's other little tweaks that make it work very smoothly that we've added over the last decade or so, but the purpose of this specific thread is not really about the Hunt itself, but about the custom cards we make.

Here are some examples.


So anyway I make all these myself using GIMP, then I print them onto special ultra-thin film paper, take real official FOIL Magic cards, remove the film paper they glue to the FOIL card stock with the ink on it, and glue the new design to it with special glue.  The result, a very high quality counterfeit MtG card with custom faces.

The point of this thread is if anyone is interested in their own card, put up a pic you want me to use and whenever I get around to it I might make you a badass card for the low low price of free.  And if you want the fully printed and counterfeit card that could go into an actual deck, I charge $10 (USD) flat fee and ship it in good bubble wrap envelopes.  I also take bitcoin.

Anyway I just thought it'd be interesting to make some PDers into MtG cards.  I reserve the right to invent the type of card and text on it, unless of course you are paying me, then it's your card your way.  In either case you choose the color(s) though.

- trix

PS.  In case you are wondering, The Bearded One is me.

Most awesome roommate seeks same.

Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fucking found him. I'm a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at bad-ass companies in New York Fucking City. That's right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Auburn University in Alabama, and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky shit-hole, I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post shit like this on Craigslist.

It goes on... and on.  I dunno, this guy sounds like the perfect roommate.  Or the biggest bullshitter ever.

A study has found that fox news viewers are less informed than people who watch no news at all.

Fox News viewers are less informed than people who don't watch any news, according to a new poll from Fairleigh Dickinson University.

The poll surveyed New Jersey residents about the uprisings in Egypt and the Middle East, and where they get their news sources. The study, which controlled for demographic factors like education and partisanship, found that "people who watch Fox News are 18-points less likely to know that Egyptians overthrew their government" and "6-points less likely to know that Syrians have not yet overthrown their government" compared to those who watch no news.

In further news, Fox News viewers remain uninformed about this study, so nothing changes.

I'm looking for advice, and since I know that there is at least one person here (ECH) with saltwater in the veins, I'm thinking this might be an okay place to ask.

I don't know much about boats, ships, yachts, and the like.  I've never even sailed before.  I haven't been lucky enough to know anyone that can afford a boat.  Yet, for some odd reason I've never been able to put my finger on, I've been obsessed with boats for years and years.  Maybe it's the dream to get away from it all, or maybe I've just seen too many movies.  Either way, when I enrolled into college, I did so with the intent to learn to build boats, but also with a big interest in computers and electronics.  However, it's recently occurred to me (two years later) that I don't know much about boats, and dedicating years to an end goal involving something I have only internet-knowledge of, is kind of stupid.  Further, lately, I've been hatching an idea involving the things I am studying, that sounds really good in my head, but without knowing wtf I'm talking about, could be a really stupid idea.  Hence, this thread.

My idea is this.  I am double majoring in electronic engineering, and naval architecture.  These are generally very separate majors, but my idea is to combine them.  I want to implement advanced onboard computer systems, with appropriate software, into boats or ships that I design and build.  I've spent many hours over the last few years looking up the systems on boats and ships, and what they use for navigation and the like.  It seems to me, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that ships still use a lot of old ways of doing things, and could benefit quite a bit from advanced computer systems.  Imagine a bluewater boat, fully equipped with onboard computer systems, sensors, GPS (the good kind), etc, tapped into all of the systems on the ship.  With well-written software to take full advantage.  Imagine an operating system on the computer, using lots of sensors of various types, to tell you when you have a leak, keep track of what level your fresh water tank is at, how long at current usage levels it will last, how much gas you have, the integrity of the hull/pipes/sewage/engine/etc, etc etc.  A computer that could handle most navigation for you.  One connected to weather systems, where you could input your destination and it plans a route (plus a few alternatives) based on weather, traffic, etc.  Basically, make this thing as smart and useful as possible.

This would be a LOT of work, require a whole bunch of sensors and cameras, and would have the greatest advantage on a boat built and designed to be integrated with a system like this.  Sort of like a sea-going Enterprise.

How far fetched does this idea seem?

Anyone heard of these guys?  I've been reading missions they do, which are similar to GASMs, and quite clever and effective.

I sense a lot of inspiration in these people.


My favorite, so far, is Moebius, where they replay a seemingly ordinary sequence of events in a Starbucks, over and over, as if some random people just happen to be caught in a time loop.  Now THAT is a mindfuck.

Also, I like LOOK UP MORE, where they take over a building across from a park and put on an impromptu window performance, surprising a lot of people at the park below.

Seeing a lot of the missions they do is very inspiring, and is a nice kick-in-the-butt to get my cabal a bit more active.

[I am a Juggalo!]

Hello!
I hear you're having a shitty day.  That sucks.  We all have them.

So I made you a fread to cheer you up!!

However, as you may have noticed, I am a one-wit-wonder.  So, instead of boring you with my own tripe, I will link you to OTHER FUNNY SHIT ON THE INTERBUTTS!

First, I bring you a hilarious prank call.  I first heard this one on a radio station I used to listen to when I was sentenced to three years in Florida.

Second, I bring you the Impossible Mario Level.  Where, basically, some guy gets drunk or something and tries to beat the hardest fan made level of the first Mario I have ever encountered.

Finally, I bring you a picture of my embarrassing tattoo.  So the next time I piss you off, which is almost guaranteed to happen if this thread hasn't done it by itself, you have more ammo to use to pick on me for.  Also, I find the tatt funny, so maybe you will chuckle.  If that isn't enough ammo, I am a Juggalo!    Yes, for real.

Anyway I hope that cheers you up.  It certainly relieved a bit of my own boredom and tedium from this project I am working on, the details of which I wont bore you with.

I couldn't think of a good short title to better describe the topic.  Suggestions welcome.

Sometimes I am low or out of food and need to scrounge up something to eat from what is available.  This leads to odd experimentation.  Some of which turns out great, others, well, not so much.

So, this here is an advice thread.  Post some of the types of things you have available, and I or a quicker, probably more qualified spag will suggest things to make from it.

Example,

Cans of corn, spinach, peas
noodles of various types and rice
refried beans, baked beans, chili beans.
tons of seasonings and condiments of all the usual kinds
eggs, cheese, lettuce, bread, milk, butter, tortilla shells

My recommendation:
Bean and cheese burritos!
Heat refried beans, season to taste, I recommend chili powder and garlic, if available, perhaps some pepper spices if available.
add cheese, lettuce.

Alternative:
Chili noodle surprise!
Heat refried beans, season as above.
cook noodles with 2 tbsp butter; drain, but not quite completely, leave em wet.
mix noodles and beans, melt some cheese into there.
make spicy.
Add a some milk if extra creaminess is desired.

Of course, I have weird taste.

So, if you have X to choose from, but don't know what to make with it, POST!

ATTN: TGRR

First, you were dead when I got here.  For that, fuck you.  Seriously.  How fucking DARE you rot in the goddamn ground while I was busy shitflinging with the board members, privy to only hints and echoes of the smiting I would have received were you still alive.

Unfortunately, I've allowed advice and rational heads talk me into softening my tone lately.  That shit has begun to become boring, however.  So, here I am poking your rotting brain with a stick, now that it shows signs of life.  Or perhaps, signs of death.

You see, I am on to you.  I figured you the fuck out.  You are NOT the Great Reverend Roger of days gone, out to burn the eyes and minds of whatever unlucky primate stumbles across your pit of hell-inspired rage and torment.  That motherfucker is still dead.  I've been reading your tripe lately, and I just don't feel it.  I had hoped, upon your underplayed rise from the grave, to witness the kind of boiling hatred and great and terrible wrath that those who were present to behold speak of, either in whispers or not at all.  But I don't.  You aren't the motherfucker you claim to be.  YOU NEVER CAME BACK.  You, sir, are a mother fucking ZOMBIE.  And as you post your watered down flickers of mild angst, only barely tinged with the flavor of the towering temper you once had, I find myself offended by the lingering stench of your pretension.

So I've decided to wake you the fuck up.  That's right, you sad little monster, I am going to pull a Dr. Frankenstein and pound you and shock you and jolt the living shit out of you, right here in this very thread, until your black little heart explodes in your chest, your wilted little moans turn into real screams of rage, and the verbal fucking killing spree begins.

Why would I do this?  Why do I want to unleash the beast that once was?  Because we fucking NEED you.  The SCIENCE of Dok Howl is empty without the RAGE of TGRR helping to direct his experiments.  The DISTURBING WIT and POINTED LOGIC of the Dark Empress flits around aimlessly without the FOCUSSED HATRED of TGRR bringing the tools and fools to the surface to concentrate on.  I could go on, but in short, without the appalling horror that you bring to the table, THE MOTHER FUCKING GREYFACES MULTIPLY!

So, how to revive you.  First, I invite you to watch this video as a primer.
I believe it needs no comment.

Second, I send you to the blog of this guy.  Why?  He needs you.  All over his blog he is BEGGING for the REAL TGRR to come and show him the light.  The light of the flame.  Give him what he so desperately is in need of.

What?  You thought I'd start you off easy?  Fuck you.  I'm not about to link to some evangelist bullshit you've read a hundred times, some easy-to-defeat whiny bitch so you can munch on his brains with minimal effort.

That is a suggestion though.  To save me a little effort.  Why should I toss my own opinions at you?  You know you can't refute those anyway, so go chew on that blog for awhile.

Lastly, in case the above is ineffective, I'm going to show you a mirror.  If the sight of your own crumbling form goesn't galvanize you into a frothing terror, nothing will.  What do I mean?  Your pussy.  Yes, you have one.  I'm not sure if you did before, but somewhere down in that grave your body got knotted and twisted and beaten and now you are wearing a huge gaping pussy right on your mother fucking forehead.  Yeah, I said it.  I lurked your past posts.  I saw the way you stalked around dragging your giant granite balls on the ground.  What the fuck happened?  This squeaky little zombie I see now is so QUIET.  So CIRCUMSIZED.  So.... proper.  There is a goddamn fucking mass protest happening AND YOU NEVER FUCKING RANTED ABOUT IT.  What the fuck?  Maybe you haven't had time since you were dug up to look around, but you've missed some things.  There's a guy pretending to be a wizard posting all over the board.  Two old trolls have came and went.  Apple talk is turning into I BOUGHT SHOES THE OTHER DAY AND THEY DONT FIT WOE IS ME.  It's fucking called THE WEATHER CHANNEL FORUM.  You were once the balance to this insanity.  You helped bring the fucking CHAOS to the mundane.  LOOK AT WHAT YOUR ABSENCE HAS DONE!  LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE BECOME!  STAND THE FUCK UP AND RANT MOTHER FUCKER!!!

TL;DR: Welcome back, TGRR.  Nice to finally meet you.

- trix,
didn't proofread this at all.

All I wanted was a taco.

Where's my keys?  Oh in my pocket already.  Got my cigs? Yup. A light? Yup. Okay. Put on my hat and my shoes, pull open the door.  Fuckin old broken stairs, have to go down carefu-- shit! Forgot my money on the dresser.  Grumble as I turn around to get them.

Outside, trying to start the van.  Fucking ancient peice of shit. Rumble rumble, die.  Rumble, die.  Rumble rumble, roar!  There we go.  I suddenly like my loud ass van again.  It's surprisingly reliable, all things considered.

Okay, I take a left here and then-
"SCREEEETCH"
*SMASH!*
*CRASH!*

Mouth gaping open, I watch the speeding car that had swerved wildly to avoid hitting me.  Watched in awe as it went right through the guardrail and toppled off the bridge.  Quickly, I pull my van off to the side and run to the edge of the bridge, just in time to see the car sinking under.  I see the door open and the driver swim his way out, coming to the surface.  He watches his car sink, shaking his head.  I yell down, ask if there's anyone else in the car, and if he's okay.  He looks up at me, confirms himself as the only occupant.  And yes he is fine thank you very much.

He swims to the shore as I make my way around the bridge to see if I can help.  He is surprisingly calm.  He tells me the engine had suddenly died, but the car kept rolling as if in neutral.  He said he pushed the brakes and they weren't working at all.  He stomped hard on them and they suddenly kicked in, full force, causing him to lose control and go for a swim.

Shaking my head in sympathy, I ask if he'd like to use my phone.  He shakes his head and asks what the fuck was wrong with his car.

It was obvious, wasn't it?

His engine is flooded.

- trix,
hopes he got revenge on the Rev.

Due to a comment pent made in another thread, about how it's good to know he's not the only one, inspiration struck.  You see, I've had mild PTSD for the majority of my life.  Not the kind of PTSD that is considered "by the book", but my own, special, snowflake kind.

Thing is, I often wonder if it's unique to me.  Because some of the symptoms were there before the trauma.  I find it hard to talk about stuff like this face to face with people, so I'm putting it here and tossing it out to you spags, in case my experience is not as unique as I think.  In all honesty, I rather hope it is not unique, and rather something others go through as well and just don't talk about.

What the fuck am I talking about?  The Rabbit Hole.  I've heard people describe themselves as having a "tenuous grasp on reality".  This sort of self-description is what makes me wonder if maybe I'm not the only one, as that totally sounds like me.  Ok enough qualifying, allow me to give it to you straight.

When I was 12, I was diagnosed with PTSD.  What I had, however, was blackouts.  I described it a bit in the other thread as a preface to a different story, but I want to flesh it out a bit more, here.  I spent two years staring at a wall from waking up to going to bed.  I am not going to bother covering the details of the why, but suffice it to say, I found this awful.  Imagine sitting in a wooden chair in an empty room completely devoid of stimuli.  Imagine staring at a blank wall.  Try staring at this wall, uninterrupted, for three hours.  If that doesn't drive you a little batty from boredom, then go ahead and imagine that for two years straight, 8am to 11pm.  This is what started it.  After a couple months, it became easier.  The time flew by faster and faster.  At some point, long after I stopped counting days, it hardly seemed any time at all.  I'd wake up, go to My Chair, stare at the wall, get kind of lost in thought, and before I knew it, time for bed.  It went from happening sometimes, making those the good days, to every day.

When I was freed from this, and brought to Wisconsin, I thought my punishment was over, and I could have a 'normal' life.  But the skipping of time did not stop.  It started with me missing school, with no intention to, never leaving the breakfast table.  I'd sometimes be in the bathroom for hours, just standing there, dick out, having peed hours ago.  When I did manage to get to school it was even worse.  Some teachers would get angry or think I was playing games.  People my age didn't understand at all, thought I didn't want to be friends and was missing all our plans on purpose.  Eventually, as I mentioned elsewhere, I was sent to an Institution for two years.

I did learn methods of partial control.  Music helped.  When I concentrated on music or stimulating movies and books, I could often avoid fading out.  But only certain music, certain movies, some books, worked.  And even the ones that worked, didn't always work.  Some things would only work the first time, and not again.  Some would only work when the "pulling" feeling was weak.  It was a bit chaotic.

That's what it felt like though, it felt like pulling, or maybe a bit like falling.  It felt like I was Alice, dangling over the rabbit hole and holding on as hard as I could.  Much of the time I was "here", in the world other people called the Real One.  But sometimes my grip would slip, or, being used to it, I'd willingly let myself fall.  Then I sank into the void.  But in the hole wasn't Wonderland.  It wasn't really anything.  At least, nothing I can ever remember.

I got myself out of the hospital by faking it.  I used the little methods I had, and a lot of willpower, to keep from fading out, and convince the doctors that it was there medications that were working.  At that point I was two years in and knew that place wasn't going to help me, and wasn't going to give up trying.

Pot helped too, back then.  My brother got me into it, and at first it was very helpful.  In fact, it was the first method I had that pretty much guaranteed no fading out for the duration.  Until I became a habitual user, then it started happening while stoned, too.

One day I ran away from home.  Being a giant chickenshit, however, I didn't go very far.  I ran away to the house of the one friend I had.  His name was Joe, and while he didn't understand my weirdness either, he was so happy to have a friend (he got picked on a lot) that he'd put up with anything.  He let me stay in his (carpeted, furnished) attic, where nobody but him ever went climbed up into.  It was there that I faced my blackouts head on.  I asked him to leave a bunch of food and soda and give me a couple days of peace.  I fell into the void, on purpose, with the decision to stay there.

I'm not sure how long it lasted, but hunger brought me out.  I wasn't tired, but I was very hungry.  It took me awhile to remember where I was and what I was doing.  Or even who I was.  This isn't like waking up from a dream.  Maybe it's like waking up from a coma?  I just know that at the end of each of these, it takes a few minutes (not a few seconds, minutes) to understand where I am, who I am, and what world this is.  Once I had that figured out, and remembered my purpose, I ate some food, then fell back into it.

I continued like this several times, until I was out of food and falling into it became difficult.  At the time I wasn't sure why, as it was never difficult to fall IN, only to stay OUT, before.  But, looking back, I think it was the knowledge that I didn't have to be here.  That I had a friend, and worried family (especially my mom, who lost three jobs, two houses, and had probably 25-30 ulcers from stress and worry over me, over the years), and school, and books I had not finished.  Whatever the case, that is when I gained control.

Years later, I still have control.  It's still there, somewhere in the background, though I only fall into it two or three times a year, when I am completely off guard and bored.

However, even when it's not an active threat like it used to be, it's presence is always there.  It feels like, that's my natural state.  Like my intrusion onto this world full of other people is the thing that's tenuous, and the void I fall into will be waiting for me when my grip slips for good.

I wonder if that is what death is like?

Has anyone else out there ever experienced anything like this?

Allow me to preface this by stating, it is not my intention with this thread to cause intense drama.  I am simply seeking opinions from those that are more versed in moral philosophy then me.  Feel free to reply with links to material that covers this if you'd prefer, I wouldn't know where to look so I'd appreciate that as well.

The issue is this:  My roommate and I were having a somewhat philosophical conversation, and at some point she stated something I've heard before, "I don't believe that my opinion is more important or relevant than anyone else's."  I told her that was false, and that I could prove it.  My argument was thus, "Imagine you were walking down the sidewalk, and ahead of you was a man walking next to a young girl of around 6 years of age.  Suddenly, with seemingly no provocation, the man turns and punches the little girl hard in the face, causing her to cry and collapse on the ground.  Then he starts kicking her.  Witnessing this event, would you step in and attempt to defend the little girl?"

Her response, predictably, was "Of course I would!  What a stupid question, you would too."

I then explained that the man must have felt justified for his actions, his opinion at the time, excluding the possibility of irrational anger or mental instability, must have been that hurting the child is what he should do.  Your opinion (and mine) is that there is no justification for hurting a child in this manner.  We would act, believing our opinion to be of more importance, or significance then the man's opinion.

The argument continued from there, but I was unsuccessful in getting my point across.

Thinking about it further, on my own, I begin to wonder... at what point is it ok, or not ok, to consider my own opinion more valid than that of somebody else?  If I decided to swat my kid's ass for wrongdoing, and some self-righteous prick got all "that's wrong!!" on me, I'd ignore him and continue to raise my child in ways I feel are appropriate.  Yet, if my physical punishment crossed the line into abusive, the previously mentioned prick would be correct, and it would be wrong of me.  I believe.

Hmm, I guess I don't really have a point here.  It seems to be an unsolvable conundrum.  How can one recognize when the opinion of another is superior or more correct then one's own?

Thoughts?

(Edited to fix a typo)

Situation:  Sitting in a cafeteria, University of Wisconsin, eating lunch and browsing the internet on my laptop.  People walk past.  One, two, ten.  Suddenly, one girl is walking while texting on her cellphone and trips over a chair leg, slamming her hand down to break her fall.  Her hand lands instead on my laptop, dragging it to the floor in a loud clutter of wreckage and sharp intakes of breath.  She looks down at me, sitting there taking a very deep breath and attempting to remain calm and rational.  "Oh my god!  I'm so sorry!" She exclaims as she stares at me, making no attempt to collect the wreckage off of the floor.  She did, I notice, stop texting on the cellphone while making her apology, and has not resumed while awaiting my response.  I look up at her and consider the situation.

Appearance:
Blond, very attractive in a half genuine, half manufactured kind of way.
Thin, age between 18 and 22, dressed comfortably rather than fashionably.

Genuine concern on her face, appears genuinely sorry for an honest mistake.
A bit impatient, as if I should only notice her beauty and immediately forgive and forget the loss of my obviously broken expensive laptop.

Options:
1) Grab her by the throat and squeeze until she turns purple.
2) Accept the loss of the laptop and accept her apology gracefully.
3) Become friendly and see if she is willing to pay partial recuperation for the laptop.
4) Think with my penis and ask her out.
5) Allow a small amount of my irritation to show and dismiss her, possibly with a lecture on walking around with her phone in her face.

I decide to go with 5, but without the lecture.  Her overall reaction made it clear she did not feel entirely responsible anyway, and pushing the issue would not have helped anything.  I do admit I probably have a small case of Assburger.  #1 was a bit difficult to resist, initially.

I'm curious however, how would other people respond?
Would your response, HONESTLY, be different if she was extremely unattractive, all other aspects being equal?

Food for thought, I suppose.

The other day I was at my uni playing some hackey sack instead of studying, because I have a great grasp of priorities, and was chatting with a friend who is a fan of the Church of the Subgenious.  The conversation moved to Discordian, and another guy asked me to sum up what a Discordian believes in one sentence.  He mentioned he understands that it can't be a very encompassing definition or anything he just wants a basic idea to go on.  I thought about it for a minute, but wasn't really sure what to say.  I toyed with the idea of something silly, like we worship doorknobs, but in the end I went with the old PD story about the guy who gained enlightenment by becoming a shithead.  However, I've been thinking about it for awhile, and out of context, that story doesn't really explain much.  Really, I can't think of a one-sentence statement that could sum up much of anything.  Especially considering Discordia means different things to different people.  Basically, I failed. 

Many of you spags are far more clever than I, so, if asked to sum up Discordian "beliefs" in one sentence, how would you do so?

Watch it to the end.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEuJ3dLLYco

Speaking of monkeys...

On Control:

Control is an illusion.  That statement has been made by many a wise man.  But what many fail to realize, is that not only is it an illusion, it's a HARMFUL fallacy.  When one seeks to control events with too much fervor, they leave themselves vulnerable to chance tipping one domino in the wrong direction and ruining all of the careful planning and control they've attempted.  But, if instead of seeking to control and plan every minute detail, that person PLANS on having little control over the outcome or details, and remains flexible to whatever chance brings, that person is not surprised, and ready, for any outcome that DOES happen, rather than only being ready to handle one single outcome that MIGHT happen.

This is the heart of the problem.  A person can seek to control every aspect of something, and increase the CHANCE of one specific desired outcome, or, one can put a little effort into skewing the odds in their favor and then sit back and take what they get with a smile.

The secret to being a great poker player is not to always try and have the best hand possible, but rather to learn how to play any random hand one might get most effectively.  To an expert poker player, the cards they hold in their hand don't matter nearly as much as how the hand is played.

Everything is a dice roll in this life.  Every person you meet, every situation, every effort, every action.  It's all rolling the dice.  And if you roll the dice enough times, eventually, you WILL hit the number you want.  Chaos is the only thing that is truly fair, as it will work in your favor roughly half the time.  What makes it truly beautiful is when, like any good poker player, you come to realize this fact and use it to your advantage, minimizing the negatives when it rolls against you, and maximizing the benefits when it rolls in your favor.

None of this has anything to do with worry.  Worry, fear, stress, these things have no effect, whatsoever, on chaos.  Generally, people do not enjoy these feelings.  Yet, though the feelings serve no purpose, people spend crazy amounts of time and effort experiencing them.  Why?  Why worry so much about a bad thing that could happen, that your ears bleed and/or you get headaches and/or can't sleep?  Especially if doing so does not help, AT ALL, to avoid the thing you are afraid of?  Further, the consequences of too much worry can often have a NEGATIVE influence, and make bad things more likely to happen.  If you worry so much about giving a speech that you can't sleep at all the night before, the speech you're so worried about will SUFFER because you worried so much.  Worse still, is if the bad thing you worry so much about does not actually happen, you have now suffered FOR NO REASON.  In fact, even if it does happen, the extra suffering you went through BEFORE it happened was STILL FOR NO REASON.

LET IT GO.  FEAR, DOUBT, WORRY, these things do not own you.  They do not help you.  You CAN live without them... if you want to.

Yes, you may roll snake eyes ten times in a row before a single perfect 20, and you may suffer for it, but as long as you keep rolling, and unless you are dead you don't really have a choice, you WILL hit a favorable roll eventually.  Because chaos is the only thing that is truly fair.

Or kill me.

Fucking awesome, poetic justice.

Goddamn shame the man was arrested though.  I mean seriously, wtf.

[Contra III]

Contra III
(inspired by a random review causing me to play it again)

Alright, I'm not the first to say this by a long shot, but:

The most bad ass video game ever made is called Contra III: The Alien Wars. Now, don't get me wrong, Contra and Super C are also bad ass, but Contra III perfects the bad ass formula that made old games awesome. I watched an Irate Gamer review on Contra III and that idiot sucked hard at the game, and kept whining because he sucked so bad and blaming the game. Here's the problem folks, most games reward the player for being a huge pussy. Contra III rewards the bad asses instead. Most hard games, if you want to survive, you have to play carefully, hang back, get a feel for the situation, figure out the pattern, and play around it. Not Contra. Contra, if you want to survive, you have to shoot everything that moves instantly, running full speed right at it blasting away. That's it, that's the secret of Contra. And the bosses? Well, you can hang back and try to dodge their shit like a pussy and do a little damage here and there, and eventually die, or, you can grab your nutsack and run right up to the monsters face and blow it to shit. Which, through some magical amazing AI programming, always works better! Bad, fuckin, ass.

Storyline. What storyline? Do you give a shit what the storyline in a shoot aliens game is about? Neither does Contra. There is no story line. No cut scenes. No whiny bitches to save. No pussy ass save points. The second you start the game, you get a big ass machine gun with infinite ammo (Yes, infinite ammo, no pussy ass ammo hunting in this game!) and 10,000 aliens coming right fucking at you. You don't have a pussy ass health bar or heart system or kevlar, no, you get hit one damn time on your toenail, you're fucking dead. That's it. This game is HARD. It doesn't fuck around. It's not quite as bad as the Irate Gamer pretends, because he plays like a pussy and sucks hard at Contra, but it ain't fuckin easy either. Even if you set the difficulty to easy, it's STILL hard as shit! And if you manage to beat it, it calls you a pussy and tells you to turn up the difficulty level! So beat it on normal, and guess what, it calls you a pussy again and tells you to up the difficulty to hard! That's right, this is the manliest video game ever made.

If you want to beat this game without cheating like a pussy, bring a friend. You want a friend that not only wont suck, but wont steal your fucking lives either. Yeah, that's right, when you 2player to try and gang up on this hardcore shit, and the suckier player runs out of lives, he can steal one from the better player! This is good if the one that doesn't suck is okay with it, but can be a real pain in the ass if you give the dude your life and he dies seconds later, only to steal another life.

I've probably played thousands of games in my life time, and Contra III is the most straight up bad ass manly killing spree of a game I have ever played. I mean, Duke Nukem is up there, but Contra III doesn't even bother with witty one liners or sunglasses or talking to bathroom mirrors, no, in this fucker you just shoot aliens then shoot some more aliens, then blow up some aliens while shooting other aliens. Every now and then you blow up a building or fortification or tank or something too, when they are low on aliens to slaughter.

[everyone]

Warning, this rant is simply vocal masturbation. Also an attack on a forum member who is probably a moderator or admin or respected member or something.  Probably a ballsy move for a brand new member making his first topic and non-intro post I suppose.  Luckily for me, my balls hang to the floor, and more importantly, I don't give a shit.

To preface, once thing I often see from people who think they are smart (which, to be fair, everyone seems to secretly believe they are intelligent, regardless of evidence), is they often assume that because they have experience with something, their personal experience is not only typical of everyone, but makes them the authority on anyone who fits that mold, and forget that a person can only speak for themselves.

My case study in this rant, is a guy (I think his name was The Reverent Something or something, but that could be a mistake, don't care enough to go find the post in question) who made a claim I often hear from people, in a post somewhere, possibly a very old one, about pot heads.

This guy stated (and I'm paraphrasing from memory) basically his belief (as if it were fact) that anyone who smokes pot daily is a fucking moron or something, and that because he used to smoke a lot, he knows that a person who smokes often has a lower intelligence or something when compared to other people.

Ok, first, "other people" are generally so fucking stupid and media obsessed these days that compared to them my dog is fucking Einstein.  Second, speak for yourself, buddy.

I hear things like this all the time.  The general thought process behind it, regardless of specific subject matter, is foolish by itself, but in regards to something so seriously misused and misunderstood as marijuana, is outright retarded.  Now, I'm not calling you retarded, whatever-your-name-is, just the thought process that led you to make an asinine post full of generalizations like that.  I've seen other posts by that guy (yeah, I lurked for a couple hours prior to registering) that I agreed with and were generally pretty intelligent, if a little condescending (a trait often possessed by the intelligent), but this post was pure bullshit.  Now, I'm not saying this because I'm a daily smoker that doesn't fit his generalization (though, I am), but moreso because I know quite a few others that smoke like I do, in the responsible way I do (I did like his part about responsibility when using drugs, in fact), that also don't even come close to fitting his description.

I'm no typical pot head.  In fact, even the people I meet that are the very epitome of typical pot head, upon getting to know them better, always end up surprising me.  From my own experience, I don't believe there IS a typical pot head, just smokers with mild identity issues and too much TV making themselves appear to fit the stereotype.  I have long hair and a thick beard.  This makes me awesome.  How that's related to what I'm talking about, I don't know, but I'm starting to get bored with my own rant.

My point is this.  I work hard all fucking day long.  When I come home, I don't enjoy de-stressing after my day by stopping at the bar and/or cracking open a beer.  I make some munchies and work on open-source software or learn something new.  Or, I go to the nearby woods and climb trees and see how high (as in distance from the ground, no pun intended) I can get.  I don't smoke to the point of retardedness, I catch a buzz, and take hits as needed to maintain the buzz as long as I need to.  I've met more people who have a very similar smoking pattern to me, then I've met who stay high all the time and let it make them stupid.

Weed aside, my point is mostly about the thought process that led to the post, though I've mostly focused on the specific example of weed. 

By the way, I'm helping linux newbies in IRC at the same time as typing this up, so if my mind wanders deal with it or ALT+F4.

I see many people say things like the post this rant called out as an example.  "I once did heroin and got addicted so I know first hand that all people who do heroin are or will become addicts."  "I started smoking weed and it led to my crack addiction so I KNOW that weed is a gateway drug."  Or even, "I spent ten years in prison (or saw xxxx show on TV) so I KNOW that everyone that isn't super strong gets raped in prison."  Your prison was not my prison, dumbass.

Anyway my time is up and I have shit to do so rant over.  If this offended you, good.  Get some thicker skin, fucker.

- trix

(Edited to remove incriminating stupidity - god I was dumb back then.)