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Mine's got a wobble in the rear driveshaft...

Sorry, Cain and Waffles. 

Oh my god...

Dood, that shit pisses me off kehd, as a pedestrian. I'm waitin' faw the walk light, and I staht ta cross, and some retahdid mothafackah decides to be a wickid douchebeg and hang a rightonred when I'm tryin' ta walk, and I just gotta shout, "Confound it you troglodyte! Utilize your directionals!" Fahkin blinkiz was put on theya fawra reason.

Seriously, I almost got wiped out this winter because my charming neighbor decided to hook a left off the side street leading up near my apartment, and immediately whip into her driveway, where I happened to be walking.  I suppose I understand her hurry, given that the left was wrong way up a one way street, but, hey, who am I to think she should waste her valuable time driving around a while block to get home?

Note to self: silly string her car one night.

Da FUQ??

Made me laugh my ass off on a Friday morning commute, so, win.

WaffleGF is at the hospital with her father, who is in the final stages of bladder cancer.
I'm at home, with the dog, the rats and the rabbits. Feeling awfully helpless and lonesome.

That sucks, Waffle, I'm sorry.

Also, I made myself some breakfast yesterday morning, on account of Jenn having been overnight at my folks' house. 

When they say "No-Stick Pan", this leads me to believe that it means NO STICK PAN.  So I made some scrambled eggs.  I don't really want to get into details, but Jenn is really pissed off about the whole thing.  So now I have to write her some more awful poetry, or I won't get a beating tonight.

I thought we dealt with this. Scrambled egg - Microwave. Remove shell first.

If you listened to me, you wouldn't be getting a beating.

Then fuck that.

Anyway, here's the first draft:

I can see that you
Are upset, but you don't need
Those pants on right now

Have you considered employment at Hallmark?

Rejected.  Those bastards don't know SHIT about romance.

I swear, next time you're out here, I will teach you to cook something without lighting the kitchen on fire or destroying something you didn't want destroyed.

If I can do it, anybody can. 

And your lovely wife will be so stunned, there will be beatings galore.

My response to Marie: How nice of (Midsister) to inform me via you that I'm an uncle to yet another child I'll probably never meet. Sorry for the snark, but...

Sorry, man, that blows.  My family pulls some of the same crap, not to quite that extent, but my cousins have kids I don't even know about.  I didn't know one of my aunts passed away until it was mentioned in Dad's obituary.

I deal by knowing that I have some awesome family members who just happen to not share any blood relation with me.

Roger visits and uses a public bathroom?


TOTALLY JUSTIFIED BOMB THREAT.

Mothers tell their children, now, "don't spend all day in there, or the Beast of Tuscon will get you..."

Big meeting at work with the new owners, today.

Basically:  Sorry, can't give you any dates or any hint of what we're planning, because, while deal is signed, it is not yet CLOSED.  Will be back in two weeks with more details.

Here is package describing benefits of working with new company.  Health insurance better, and slightly less expensive, also Blue Cross/Blue Shield, rather than little bitty company which now holds our pills hostage.  Vacation policy sucks eggs, I'd be back to 5 days a year instead of my current 13.  However, plus two sick and two personal days... however, those wouldn't kick in until my anniversary date, March of next year.

All of the above being totally meaningless, as all our employees convert to being THEIR employees as of June 1st.  Looks like, basically, we'll run the payroll through May 30th, paid June 6th.  After that, we'll probably run a couple parallel payrolls so they know they've got their shit straight, and I'm likely out by the end of June, best case scenario.  Worst case is they pitch us out on May 30th, run that last payroll themselves, and the guys at the shops (a blessedly small number) who have my personal cell phone number call me for the next couple weeks crying about what's fucked up.

Minor blessings, as they are closing down the 401k plan, I automatically become 100% vested, which means I get to keep the employer contributions, and have the option of either cashing it out on June 1st (taking the 10% penalty and the 20% tax hit), or just rolling it over and letting it sit.  Less than a full year's worth of contributions, but, it's something.

Also, they mentioned a nice sounding bonus for staying on as part of the "transition team."  We'll see how that works out.  My faith in bonuses has gone the way of the Easter Bunny and the fat pervert that watches kids all year and breaks into their houses.

On the plus side, they have a big contract with the parent company of the temp agency I use, and have already talked to them about treating those of us unwilling to relocate (fucking Dallas, I don't think so) with some preference.  Probably blowing sunshine up my skirt, yeah, but, who knows.

That was pure fucking genius! I'll guarantee you that if my 22 year old self to visit, there'd be violence. Not quite so sure which one would be alive at the end of it

Experience and treachery will stomp youth and enthusiasm dam near every time... as long as it WANTS to.

   That's...  Okay, that's a new one.

What if WE'RE the universe that got it right?

Oh, and 20C says hello.



That was a thing.

Imma have nightmares about those baby suits.

I find, "I appreciate your concern, I'm taking care of it." comes in handy.  I'll give him bonus points for making sure he didn't have an HR issue handle (like kicking somebody's ass for upsetting you).

Hang in there, and remember that there are people if you need help.