The problems started immediately, with a 2 leg flight from Tucson to Portland. Both aircraft were delayed by mechanical problems, resulting in 45 minutes of sitting on the tarmac per incident (and no AC cart for you bloody peasants). Both aircraft had been "upgraded" as well. What this means is that they took out the regular seats from economy, and put in hard plastic seats with minimal cushioning. The first class section got to keep the old seats; in short, you can pay double to get the same comfort you used to get for the regular price. And United wonders why they're losing money.
Then, PDX airport. Mike the Engineer opts to use his own GPS, but it doesn't work. In typical Mike fashion, he refuses to get one from the kiosk at the car rental place, saying "I have this under control"...Which I foolishly took to mean that he knew where he was going, or that he had a smart phone.
At first his confidence seemed justified. We made it to Salem, Oregon in short order, and found the hotel on the first try. But then we decided to go get some dinner. It took 45 minutes to find a McDonalds (all the real restaurants were closed), which I find to be distinctly un-American. Then, thanks to Mike's carrier pigeon-esque navigation skills, we drove all over the fucking state looking for our hotel, at one point finding outselves Southwest of Eola, Oregon...And all the while, I had to deal with Mike's breath, which smelled like death.
Enough said. At some point, we finally got to our rooms and got a couple of hours of sleep.
The next day, it was time to yell at the vendor. Before we arrive, I remind Mike that he is here as a technical consultant. He is to take no part in the negotiations. Mike sulks; I know what is going to happen.
Once in the conference room with the vendor's representatives, their production manager begins a Power Point presentation on why our machine is going to be over-budget and well past deadline. I allow him to finish his schpiel, and as I'm opening my mouth to respond to his conclusions, Mike bleats, "Yeah, that sounds reasonable".
"Shut up. Go sit in the car."
Mike begins to turn red. I glare at him. He suddenly remembers my new status. He gets up and stomps out. I spend a few minutes explaining the definition of "penalty clause" to their production scheduler. I also explain that while I am willing to extend the deadline by a reasonable amount, we certainly won't be paying more because they couldn't hold up their end of the bargain. I am told this is unacceptable. I smile at them the Nigel Way, and repeat my position.
An hour passes this way...He tells me what I will put up with, I tell him what the consequences of his position are. He babbles, I watch their plant cats (rodent control; this is an accepted and rather pleasant feature in many plants) play in the conference room. Eventually, his babbling winds down. I tell him he now has half the grace period he had, and no, there will be no additional funds. I also tell him that if it is not delivered by the new date I have assigned, and he is still employed there, then I will be dropping the full & terrible weight of the penalty clauses on his company. Then I leave, because it's time to meet up with Nigel.
At the hotel: I foolishly assume that mapquest will be able to accurately give me directions through a portion of the city that has not changed in over a hundred years. Hahaha.
In the car: I am to make a left onto Fremont from Prescott, according to my directions. But Fremont runs parallel to Prescott. So I follow Prescott for 72 blocks, which does in fact lead me to Nigel's house. Nigel greets me warmly, and introduces me to Suprise Kid and Little Orange. For what it's worth, Little Orange is a sweet child who would never get up to the shenanigans that Nigel has described. I also get to see Nigel's studio, which is larger and more impressive than I had imagined. I did not, however, get to see the top of the bottom, because I forgot to ask.
Then Nigel and I get in the car, and she gives me garbled directions (Nigel is apparently dyslexic when it comes to "left" and "right" and "stay in this lane NO THAT LANE NO WAIT THE FIRST ONE") which eventually lead us downtown. Our plan was to eat at a restaurant called "Departures" in the "To the Nines" hotel. It's a rooftop restaurant, and it opens at 4 PM. The elevator, however, will not allow us to go up. In fact, the elevator would not allow a guest that was sharing our elevator to get to HIS floor.
But I am a maintenance geek, and my voodoo is strong. Eventually, we are able to coax the elevator to go to the 15th floor (by which I mean, eventually it actually was 4 PM, and the button became enabled).
Not much to say about Departures, other than it has stainless steel urinals in the bathroom, and a pretty-yet-obnoxious waitress who hovered. Despite this, we enjoyed an excellent meal and I grossly overtipped as an insult to the waitress, though I am sure the insult went over her head.
The it was time to go to the bar. We met Charley (One of Nigel's friends and a FB friend of mine) at Prost, which serves good German beer and doesn't allow vaping (there are no ordinances about it, the owners are just dicks). Nigel said something about molecular biology the next day, so only a couple of beers. Ha. Hahaha. I had a tab running with my card, and I kept making suggestions on beer. Nigel didn't get drunk, but she got fairly brave.
Then it was on to some other bar, one that had a weird name and didn't take my card. We met her roommate and his girlfriend there...They were already pretty lit, and were hysterically funny when they weren't necking. Hell, that was funny, too. Her roommate has announced his intent to steal my fu manchu mustache on my trip back up there on December 9th.
I also met NoLeDeMiel (From this board) who was screamingly funny...But it was at this point that we were ambushed by an insanely drunken Kenyan (thanks, Obama) who kept babbling at me about love bullets and how nobody is from anywhere, not really. My heart filled with hate, but I wasn't going to misbehave in front of Nigel (NoLeDeMiel later told me he felt the exact same way in every particular), so I put up with it. Nigel is a better person than NoLeDeMiel or myself, though, and was fascinated by the man's incoherent jabbering. It occurred to me that I am turning into ECH. And I wasn't even intoxicated; I had stuck with coffee.
I also noted that nothing works in Portland, especially toilets in dive bars. At least not now. Heh heh heh.
This is why I hate bars. I'd rather just hang out and drink in the hotel room or at someone's house. It NEVER FAILS that if you're having FUN in a bar, a silly drunk bastard will attach him/herself to your group and babble gibberish at you for amazing lengths of time.
A few hours later, a rather drunk Nigel (she was upright and not wobbling, but definitely jolly) and her two smashed roomies got a ride home in the rental car (which I had been parking illegally most of the evening...It was in Mike's name), and I followed HER directions to the airport, which got me there with no problems.
So, yes. Not much excitement this trip, just a very, very pleasant evening out. But that will change, as I return on December 9th for a week on business. And there will be booze and no reason to drive. And Nigel will be done with finals (though she will probably STILL have midterms). And she and I, and her roomie and his GF, and NoLeDeMiel...Well, we shall walk on a road of bones, as the ocean turns to acid and Portland is ground under the approaching glaciers. It's what we were designed to do.
Okay (for a couple of weeks),
Dok
It was a lovely evening! I no longer recall why I was so fascinated with the Kenyan, because of being so very brave, but I do recall that it wasn't that I liked him. I think that maybe I thought that if I paid attention to him hard enough, he'd go away.
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 21, 2014, 04:37:06 PM
It was a lovely evening! I no longer recall why I was so fascinated with the Kenyan, because of being so very brave, but I do recall that it wasn't that I liked him. I think that maybe I thought that if I paid attention to him hard enough, he'd go away.
It worked, he did. :lulz:
Sounds like a hoot! Looking forward to your upcoming trip to Hogtown!
Quote from: Hoopla on November 21, 2014, 04:40:27 PM
Sounds like a hoot! Looking forward to your upcoming trip to Hogtown!
That's on the bounce again. I have to go there, but my schedule is in flux. I now have to go to Portland again in December, Germany again in January, and Houston for half of February. Then I have Hamilton AND Toronto (Pickering, to be exact), and Boston that will be jammed in there somewhere.
:lulz:
Sounds like a blast.
I'm glad you had fun.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:39:13 PM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 21, 2014, 04:37:06 PM
It was a lovely evening! I no longer recall why I was so fascinated with the Kenyan, because of being so very brave, but I do recall that it wasn't that I liked him. I think that maybe I thought that if I paid attention to him hard enough, he'd go away.
It worked, he did. :lulz:
My focused attention often has that effect. :lol:
Cheers to an excellent night out!
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 21, 2014, 04:53:18 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:39:13 PM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 21, 2014, 04:37:06 PM
It was a lovely evening! I no longer recall why I was so fascinated with the Kenyan, because of being so very brave, but I do recall that it wasn't that I liked him. I think that maybe I thought that if I paid attention to him hard enough, he'd go away.
It worked, he did. :lulz:
My focused attention often has that effect. :lol:
I thought maybe you smiled at him the Nigel Way, because he sort of evaporated.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:29:08 PM
This is why I hate bars. I'd rather just hang out and drink in the hotel room or at someone's house. It NEVER FAILS that if you're having FUN in a bar, a silly drunk bastard will attach him/herself to your group and babble gibberish at you for amazing lengths of time.
Same here. It's especially intolerable when you don't drink and can pinpoint the exact moment the jabber will start over again on a loop.
:crankey:
Quote from: N E T on November 21, 2014, 05:59:25 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:29:08 PM
This is why I hate bars. I'd rather just hang out and drink in the hotel room or at someone's house. It NEVER FAILS that if you're having FUN in a bar, a silly drunk bastard will attach him/herself to your group and babble gibberish at you for amazing lengths of time.
Same here. It's especially intolerable when you don't drink and can pinpoint the exact moment the jabber will start over again on a loop.
:crankey:
Yep. His jabber had a halflife of about 6 minutes.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:42:05 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on November 21, 2014, 04:40:27 PM
Sounds like a hoot! Looking forward to your upcoming trip to Hogtown!
That's on the bounce again. I have to go there, but my schedule is in flux. I now have to go to Portland again in December, Germany again in January, and Houston for half of February. Then I have Hamilton AND Toronto (Pickering, to be exact), and Boston that will be jammed in there somewhere.
Holy shit, Pickering? I'm living in Toronto right now. I should see about paying you a visit when you're in town, if you don't mind. When do you have it planned?
Quote from: President Television on November 21, 2014, 11:08:21 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:42:05 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on November 21, 2014, 04:40:27 PM
Sounds like a hoot! Looking forward to your upcoming trip to Hogtown!
That's on the bounce again. I have to go there, but my schedule is in flux. I now have to go to Portland again in December, Germany again in January, and Houston for half of February. Then I have Hamilton AND Toronto (Pickering, to be exact), and Boston that will be jammed in there somewhere.
Holy shit, Pickering? I'm living in Toronto right now. I should see about paying you a visit when you're in town, if you don't mind. When do you have it planned?
Not sure yet. I have business there sometime after the new year, and I'm related to damn near everyone in the province, so I expect I'll burn some vacation time.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 11:27:10 PM
Quote from: President Television on November 21, 2014, 11:08:21 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:42:05 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on November 21, 2014, 04:40:27 PM
Sounds like a hoot! Looking forward to your upcoming trip to Hogtown!
That's on the bounce again. I have to go there, but my schedule is in flux. I now have to go to Portland again in December, Germany again in January, and Houston for half of February. Then I have Hamilton AND Toronto (Pickering, to be exact), and Boston that will be jammed in there somewhere.
Holy shit, Pickering? I'm living in Toronto right now. I should see about paying you a visit when you're in town, if you don't mind. When do you have it planned?
Not sure yet. I have business there sometime after the new year, and I'm related to damn near everyone in the province, so I expect I'll burn some vacation time.
Ok. Well, keep me filled in. It'd be fun to hang out with a Holy Man™.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 05:00:51 PM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 21, 2014, 04:53:18 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:39:13 PM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 21, 2014, 04:37:06 PM
It was a lovely evening! I no longer recall why I was so fascinated with the Kenyan, because of being so very brave, but I do recall that it wasn't that I liked him. I think that maybe I thought that if I paid attention to him hard enough, he'd go away.
It worked, he did. :lulz:
My focused attention often has that effect. :lol:
I thought maybe you smiled at him the Nigel Way, because he sort of evaporated.
I'm pretty sure that he was explaining the Love Bullets, and I was grinning and saying things along the lines of "Aha! Just as I was saying, it's semen!" and "So the Love Bullets come out of a gun, and the gun is actually a penis?" and "How are Love Bullets NOT like semen?"
You might be extremely surprised to hear this, but I can be incredibly irritating.
Quote from: N E T on November 21, 2014, 05:59:25 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:29:08 PM
This is why I hate bars. I'd rather just hang out and drink in the hotel room or at someone's house. It NEVER FAILS that if you're having FUN in a bar, a silly drunk bastard will attach him/herself to your group and babble gibberish at you for amazing lengths of time.
Same here. It's especially intolerable when you don't drink and can pinpoint the exact moment the jabber will start over again on a loop.
:crankey:
It doesn't always work, but I like to get them all twisted in a knot and/or loudly narrate their activity until they go away.
:lulz:
I like to humor their ideas, fully engaging them in their bizarre delusions, and then insinuating that they smell bad.
"No. I totally get it. You're right, man, and..." *sniff* *minor nose wrinkle*
-"And...?"
"Oh, yeah, and" *slight sniff* *two rapid blinks* "anyway, definitely, dude."
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 22, 2014, 12:39:51 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 05:00:51 PM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 21, 2014, 04:53:18 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:39:13 PM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 21, 2014, 04:37:06 PM
It was a lovely evening! I no longer recall why I was so fascinated with the Kenyan, because of being so very brave, but I do recall that it wasn't that I liked him. I think that maybe I thought that if I paid attention to him hard enough, he'd go away.
It worked, he did. :lulz:
My focused attention often has that effect. :lol:
I thought maybe you smiled at him the Nigel Way, because he sort of evaporated.
I'm pretty sure that he was explaining the Love Bullets, and I was grinning and saying things along the lines of "Aha! Just as I was saying, it's semen!" and "So the Love Bullets come out of a gun, and the gun is actually a penis?" and "How are Love Bullets NOT like semen?"
You might be extremely surprised to hear this, but I can be incredibly irritating.
In the manner that a cat that rids you of a particularly annoying mouse might be irritating. :lol:
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 22, 2014, 03:46:07 AM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 22, 2014, 12:39:51 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 05:00:51 PM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 21, 2014, 04:53:18 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:39:13 PM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 21, 2014, 04:37:06 PM
It was a lovely evening! I no longer recall why I was so fascinated with the Kenyan, because of being so very brave, but I do recall that it wasn't that I liked him. I think that maybe I thought that if I paid attention to him hard enough, he'd go away.
It worked, he did. :lulz:
My focused attention often has that effect. :lol:
I thought maybe you smiled at him the Nigel Way, because he sort of evaporated.
I'm pretty sure that he was explaining the Love Bullets, and I was grinning and saying things along the lines of "Aha! Just as I was saying, it's semen!" and "So the Love Bullets come out of a gun, and the gun is actually a penis?" and "How are Love Bullets NOT like semen?"
You might be extremely surprised to hear this, but I can be incredibly irritating.
In the manner that a cat that rids you of a particularly annoying mouse might be irritating. :lol:
:thanks:
Quote from: President Television on November 22, 2014, 12:14:53 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 11:27:10 PM
Quote from: President Television on November 21, 2014, 11:08:21 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:42:05 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on November 21, 2014, 04:40:27 PM
Sounds like a hoot! Looking forward to your upcoming trip to Hogtown!
That's on the bounce again. I have to go there, but my schedule is in flux. I now have to go to Portland again in December, Germany again in January, and Houston for half of February. Then I have Hamilton AND Toronto (Pickering, to be exact), and Boston that will be jammed in there somewhere.
Holy shit, Pickering? I'm living in Toronto right now. I should see about paying you a visit when you're in town, if you don't mind. When do you have it planned?
Not sure yet. I have business there sometime after the new year, and I'm related to damn near everyone in the province, so I expect I'll burn some vacation time.
Ok. Well, keep me filled in. It'd be fun to hang out with a Holy Man™.
More fun than you really wanted. I should know.
Couldn't sleep for three weeks after he left Boston. 'Twas the giant spiderclowns, is what it was.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on November 22, 2014, 04:20:57 PM
Quote from: President Television on November 22, 2014, 12:14:53 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 11:27:10 PM
Quote from: President Television on November 21, 2014, 11:08:21 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:42:05 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on November 21, 2014, 04:40:27 PM
Sounds like a hoot! Looking forward to your upcoming trip to Hogtown!
That's on the bounce again. I have to go there, but my schedule is in flux. I now have to go to Portland again in December, Germany again in January, and Houston for half of February. Then I have Hamilton AND Toronto (Pickering, to be exact), and Boston that will be jammed in there somewhere.
Holy shit, Pickering? I'm living in Toronto right now. I should see about paying you a visit when you're in town, if you don't mind. When do you have it planned?
Not sure yet. I have business there sometime after the new year, and I'm related to damn near everyone in the province, so I expect I'll burn some vacation time.
Ok. Well, keep me filled in. It'd be fun to hang out with a Holy Man™.
More fun than you really wanted. I should know.
Couldn't sleep for three weeks after he left Boston. 'Twas the giant spiderclowns, is what it was.
Wasn't my fault. I blame EoC for 1) his TEETH, and 2) for being shorter than he really is.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 22, 2014, 06:56:56 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on November 22, 2014, 04:20:57 PM
Quote from: President Television on November 22, 2014, 12:14:53 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 11:27:10 PM
Quote from: President Television on November 21, 2014, 11:08:21 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:42:05 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on November 21, 2014, 04:40:27 PM
Sounds like a hoot! Looking forward to your upcoming trip to Hogtown!
That's on the bounce again. I have to go there, but my schedule is in flux. I now have to go to Portland again in December, Germany again in January, and Houston for half of February. Then I have Hamilton AND Toronto (Pickering, to be exact), and Boston that will be jammed in there somewhere.
Holy shit, Pickering? I'm living in Toronto right now. I should see about paying you a visit when you're in town, if you don't mind. When do you have it planned?
Not sure yet. I have business there sometime after the new year, and I'm related to damn near everyone in the province, so I expect I'll burn some vacation time.
Ok. Well, keep me filled in. It'd be fun to hang out with a Holy Man™.
More fun than you really wanted. I should know.
Couldn't sleep for three weeks after he left Boston. 'Twas the giant spiderclowns, is what it was.
Wasn't my fault. I blame EoC for 1) his TEETH, and 2) for being shorter than he really is.
I'm comfortable with this. My TEETH can absorb your feelings. :)
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 23, 2014, 09:07:34 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 22, 2014, 06:56:56 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on November 22, 2014, 04:20:57 PM
Quote from: President Television on November 22, 2014, 12:14:53 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 11:27:10 PM
Quote from: President Television on November 21, 2014, 11:08:21 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:42:05 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on November 21, 2014, 04:40:27 PM
Sounds like a hoot! Looking forward to your upcoming trip to Hogtown!
That's on the bounce again. I have to go there, but my schedule is in flux. I now have to go to Portland again in December, Germany again in January, and Houston for half of February. Then I have Hamilton AND Toronto (Pickering, to be exact), and Boston that will be jammed in there somewhere.
Holy shit, Pickering? I'm living in Toronto right now. I should see about paying you a visit when you're in town, if you don't mind. When do you have it planned?
Not sure yet. I have business there sometime after the new year, and I'm related to damn near everyone in the province, so I expect I'll burn some vacation time.
Ok. Well, keep me filled in. It'd be fun to hang out with a Holy Man™.
More fun than you really wanted. I should know.
Couldn't sleep for three weeks after he left Boston. 'Twas the giant spiderclowns, is what it was.
Wasn't my fault. I blame EoC for 1) his TEETH, and 2) for being shorter than he really is.
I'm comfortable with this. My TEETH can absorb your feelings. :)
Care to make a friendly wager? :lulz:
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 24, 2014, 01:06:19 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 23, 2014, 09:07:34 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 22, 2014, 06:56:56 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on November 22, 2014, 04:20:57 PM
Quote from: President Television on November 22, 2014, 12:14:53 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 11:27:10 PM
Quote from: President Television on November 21, 2014, 11:08:21 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 21, 2014, 04:42:05 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on November 21, 2014, 04:40:27 PM
Sounds like a hoot! Looking forward to your upcoming trip to Hogtown!
That's on the bounce again. I have to go there, but my schedule is in flux. I now have to go to Portland again in December, Germany again in January, and Houston for half of February. Then I have Hamilton AND Toronto (Pickering, to be exact), and Boston that will be jammed in there somewhere.
Holy shit, Pickering? I'm living in Toronto right now. I should see about paying you a visit when you're in town, if you don't mind. When do you have it planned?
Not sure yet. I have business there sometime after the new year, and I'm related to damn near everyone in the province, so I expect I'll burn some vacation time.
Ok. Well, keep me filled in. It'd be fun to hang out with a Holy Man™.
More fun than you really wanted. I should know.
Couldn't sleep for three weeks after he left Boston. 'Twas the giant spiderclowns, is what it was.
Wasn't my fault. I blame EoC for 1) his TEETH, and 2) for being shorter than he really is.
I'm comfortable with this. My TEETH can absorb your feelings. :)
Care to make a friendly wager? :lulz:
:lulz: It wouldn't be good for anyone involved. It's like how a beaver needs to wear down its teeth or they'll pierce its brain, except with other people's brains.
I think that wager would have an extraordinarily high casualty rate. And dental bill.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 24, 2014, 07:32:48 PM
:lulz: It wouldn't be good for anyone involved. It's like how a beaver needs to wear down its teeth or they'll pierce its brain, except with other people's brains.
I think that wager would have an extraordinarily high casualty rate. And dental bill.
Since when have we allowed public safety to get in the way of a good time?