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It is me!

I am the Murder guy. Yes. That picture is of me, when I used to work at the newspaper office. Funny stories I could tell about the office. The stuff I used to stick into the paper. I will post and example of the horoscopes I used to publish.

Aries – A stitch in time would have confused Einstein. Jupiter tells me you have a long week ahead of you. You will have to wake up, do things, go back too sleep. Repeat this about seven times, and if you are lucky the week will pass without major incident. If not then you might die. Not that you will. Unless you do. In which case I'm sorry about not warning you about the killer bees. Your lucky form of procrastination is 'face-booking.' All your comments are just another brick in the wall.

Taurus - All power corrupts, but we need the electricity. Don't mess with big business. That is my message from the moon Luna this week. You should avoid any politicians with agendas involving exposing organized crime or conspiracies. You don't want to get involved in this. Nobody saw anything and neither did you. Go back to your lives now. Your lucky form of procrastination is hot sex. Liberty-X anyone?

Gemini - Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea. Your evil twin from the bizarro universe is in town this week. Expect to be blamed for the disappearances of several prostitutes, a bank heist and numerous acts of vandalism. Just keep a low profile until it blows over. Mercury advises you avoid travel because of car trouble. Your lucky form of procrastination is playing video games. I played the first three and the fourth one's trailer looks so cool. I need that game now.

Cancer - Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it. Ursa Major tells me that your future is hazy this week because of the coming storm. Don't fly anywhere until it blows over and avoid anyone who has a vowel in their name. Stop stealing things from the study center, the security is catching on. Your lucky form of procrastination is assorted drugs. I don't have a problem man. I am expanding my mind and my-I-am–so–HIGH.

Leo - Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. You need to keep your paws out of other peoples litter-boxes if you know what I mean. This week will be chock full of self induced social chaos. Never lose a bet to an Irish man. Your lucky form of procrastination is partying hard. If you don't go then everyone will notice and talk badly about you like on one of those folly teen television programs.

Virgo - I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere. Ursa Minor tells me that you will have a bout of madness this week when you find yourself face to face with your worst nightmare. Just keep your composure and don't lose your cool. If you can't then your crap filled pants will dishonor your family. Nobody ever dies from fright. Your lucky form of procrastination is television. A brand new religion, you can control peoples thoughts with tiny dots of light.

Libra - Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. Saturn is saying that you will be afflicted with a horrible virus this week. Your computer will anyways. Go out and get a good anti-virus program before it happens. You will thank me later and put some money in a coat you don't wear that often. You will need it. Stash a shiv in the same coat. Don't worry you will be fine. Your lucky form of procrastination is list making. You know you do it. Don't deny it.

Scorpio - What if this weren't a hypothetical question? Venus tells me that sex is on your mind this week but you must not lose sight of your true goals. You must retrieve the mummified hand of Ishmael Noirrac before the full next full moon. Other wise there will be more cattle mutilations. Think of the cows and do the right thing. Your lucky form of procrastination is naps. Power nap my foot! You stole my life.

Sagittarius - All general statements are false. Accept that you a but a mortal and stop trying to make an immortality serum every weekend. The neighbours think you are cooking amphetamine in your basement. You really don't want to have to explain to the police that they you are surrounded by idiots and you will show them all one day. Your lucky form of procrastination is hanging out with friends. Real ones, the ones in your head don't count.

Capricorn - Life is a sexually transmitted disease. You survived having your alien implant removed without incident. Now just go back to your humdrum life and stop watching the skies. When they return you will be the first to know. They are here. Your lucky form of procrastination is watching the skies for intelligent life. I want to believe.

Aquarius - It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. You won't remember anything from this week. Not by choice but because there is something you don't know about yourself. Which you will learn later! In the mean time, eat better, try and get out more with friends and be happy. What you will learn later will ruin your life forever. Sorry. Your lucky form of procrastination is ignorance. Maybe if I pretend to not remember the work will just go away.

Pisces - Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a snappy utility-belt loaded with plastic explosives. Don't forget your ski mask this week. You will need it at the airport. Your romantic comedy like plan to win back the love of your life will not go as planned because nobody has heard of the 'Love-Bomb' song. You will get shot in the airport when you burst into song. Sorry. Your lucky form of procrastination is making explosives out of common house hold items. Hey, has anyone seen Teddy K.?

(modded by ECH to add paragraph breaks)

Just mix it with some of eric claptons finist.

God bless port.
God bless my precious opium.

Why is it that what is bad for the body is good for the soul?
Why is it that what is good for the body is bad for the soul?

Another reason to live?
Heroin.

Heroin, brings out the HERO in you.

Another reason to live?

So you can be there at the confluence of worlds, it is coming. Their world. Our world.

They are here.

But what if the populance of dullards realize this is all a big sham to get money from their 23 slave minds? How can I make a living? A real job? I roll a 5. I scoff and nearly spill my brandly!

I am so glad I don't watch television. The writers strike might have affected me. Goodness wouldn't that be sad. No they don't let me watch TV they say it isn't healthy for my brain. I think they just don't want me to know what is going on in the outside world!

My handler hasn't come back. I wish I could have real food instead of MREs. They taste so gross. This thread is interesting. I like it. You are right only you can save yourself and accept responsibility for your actions. Unless of course your life is controlled by a shadow government and you are going to die horribly because everyone is against you. Then you are pretty much screwed like me.

Viva Liberation! Viva Revolution! Death to the Conformists! Death to the Chesterfields! Burn down the Establishment!

Don't worry when the revolution comes, we will all live like kings I say. Like kings!

I keep saying "Only __________ can save me now!" in a very loud voice because it sounds funny and I have gone insane from isolation. Sometimes it is Bertold Brecht, Longcat, Oliver Cromwell, Richard Nixon, Cthulhu, Aqua-man, Oliver Stone, Kelly Clarkson, The Beatles, or whoever else I feel like. I figured it would be fun if we all come up with my own personal savior. Many people ask Jesus, God, Allah, Yahweh, Vishnu or whoever else to save them or whoever else but most religious figures are very busy as many people would request being saved by them. However Oliver Stone isn't that busy so he wouldn't mind just swinging by in his jet car and saving me from the post modernist nightmare that I am trapped in. What about you, what obscure figure from history would you like to be saved from the nightmare of this wretched necroglobe by?

This was a meme thread. But that has been done I was informed. So no more meme, super heroes! ONLY! Well our kind. Not the regular boring krytonian Kal-el kind.


I not am trying to make a big long funny thread with lots of one liner memes.  I am trying to make a big funny collection of obscure heroes that would save us discordians in the even of disaster. for example, Oliver Stone. I am so silly somtimes. I really should talk to my handler. I am going t go hide until my handler comes back with more food.

Now go play children. We need obscure heroes for our obscure people.

I agree. My handlers keep me well feed. But they haven't been around for awhile and I am almost out of food again. Does anyone have spare food they can send me?

*packs up bowler hat and suit*

I didn't realize how ridiculous it was until you pointed it out. I don't know what I am going to do with my life now. I guess I should quit this insane cult leader stuff and just get a real job. Okay. Call it all off. I don't care about the apocalypse if it there isn't anything important about the number 23. No really. Just pack it all up. No more revolution everyone. Nothing to see here. Well I will always have the memories. See you all in 2012!

I trust in the number 23. I trust my paranoia. They are actually out to get me. They are watching me. They are reading this. You didn't see me. I don't exist. I am just a ghost in the system who is waiting for the storm. Bless 23!

I guess we could tell them it was all a big joke. But I mean we can cause so much hysteria still. Why stop at 50 years. Let us try for making us an official religion so I can get coked to the gills and smoke dope in my den while dressed in army camoflage listening to "Ride of the Valkyries" Goose-stepping all the while for "religious reasons." If other religions can do it. So can we. Make the time honoured rite of getting baked and ranting about Cthulhu and Dagon religious ceremony. We deserve it.

Kunst ist tot. Dada übermäßig alle.

Translation: (Art is dead. Dada super all.)

-Graffiti.

The chip in my head tells me that it is all because of the Population of the median white middle class that is declining due to cost of living and that the abortion issue is an attempt correct this. Infanticide has existed throughout history, from ancient greece all the way into modern times. Often practiced for culling out unwanted children for whatever reason. I believe they are trying to guilt people into having more children for the coming storm, if that makes sense then my chip is working properly. If not then I need to adjust my tin foil hat.

It is only cannibalism if you know it is a person. Or if you enjoy it. Other wise it is just the "white pork special"