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http://www.seattlepi.com/local/article/Seattle-police-arrest-superhero-Phoenix-Jones-2210657.php

I TOLD YA FUCKING SO.

Gone now. *poof*.

I am a messenger of The Suns Heavenly Inevitable Transformation©, and I have come to warn ye all of YOUR DOOM.

For centuries now, you bleachers have been given a good run, with your pasty skin tones that have flourished in the ice ages and have accumulated much wealth on the backs and bloods of the TANNED OPPRESSED™.
You have given us, through the ages, all sorts of derogatory names to the TANNED OPPRESSED™, and have tried to eliminate us through extermination programs, have tried to limit our growth by providing us with free condoms, and have kept many of us from earning a fair and honest living by making us dependent on welfare and highly addictive drugs such as crack and KFC.

Well, I hope you enjoyed your little run of race superiority, as it will no longer last for long.
As a messenger of The S.H.I.T, I have been informed through various voices in my head that your time has come.

You see, the earth is changing. Society is changing. And it is all changing in favor of the TANNED OPPRESSED™.
We have grown aware and have grown weary of you, and so has the earth and our great provider of life, the sun.

As the Suns chosen ELITE, we have evolved in ways that make us superior to you bleachers.
There is empirical evidence that we are favored, that we have been blessed with abilities and powers that far rival your own.
For example, we have the ability to GO OUTSIDE for EXTENDED AMOUNTS OF TIME in the HEAT OF THE SUN, and not have concern for the deadly effects of the Suns UV rays which HATES the bleachers skin.
We also, as a collective average, are bigger, stronger, faster and much better looking than you all. Also, we have bigger dicks than the bleached. (Yes, that includes our women as well.) And even if one of you bleachers is bigger, stronger, faster and better looking than any one of us individual TANNED OPPRESSED™, we can call on any of our brothers that are bigger, stronger, faster and better looking than you, so don't try and get smart with us.

But we, The S.H.I.T, do not hold anything against you bleachers. It's not *your* fault you are bleached and inferior, and we understand that. You didn't ask to be bleached, and it is not your fault that you cannot get a decent tan to save your lives, so know that we do not HATE YOU or FEAR YOU, but PITY you all.
And as such, in all our mercy and pity, have come up with a plan to HELP YOU poor bleached ones.
It is called, The Eventual Bleached Eradication Plan, and it it works pretty much as what it sounds like.

As The S.H.I.T prefers peaceful, non-violent means to ends, unlike you violence embracing, war loving bleachies, we will get rid of you all through GRADUAL means.
Fear not, for even though you are doomed, your children need not be, and can be SAVED from the wrath of the sun.

Here is how it will work and has been covertly working now for a long time, RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSES.

First, the scorched earth policy- we are supporters of climate change and the GLOBAL WARMING that is caused by it. We welcome the suns rise in power on the earth, for The S.H.I.T know that we are favored in its heat, where as you bleachies ARE NOT. So we will be doing everything in our power to contribute C02 gasses to the atmosphere, and have been encouraging you bleachies to do the same, and you have, like the gullable idiots you are, been doing exactly that with your SUVs and wars with countries that are rich in C02 producing resources which you have grown to be so reliant on.

Secondly, breeding programs- we are and have been for a long time now, slowly but surely, breeding with the bleachers to produce offspring that have superior skin tone that is more suitable to the coming El Nino age, and eventually, you will be phased out as dated, inferior models, but will still have use as caretakers/slaves to your tanned offspring henceforth.

Thirdly, we have been slowly but surely acquiring all the wealth back from you bleachies that you STOLE FROM US IN THE FIRST PLACE, and have been investing in FOOL PROOF investment plans that have been provided to us by our Nigerian brothers, many of whom are wealthy exiled princes that just need investment capital to pay for the unlocking fees of their stolen wealth, and once we have given them enough, we tanned elite will be able to buy all the rest of you bleachies as slaves and pets.

Finally, we will be converting and burning all blasphemous images of our lord and savior, and replacing all heretical portrayals with a more logically correct and better looking savior-



NOW BLEACHIES, REPENT, GET IN THE FRONT OF THE BUS, AND GIVE US ALL YOUR BLEACHED WOMEN, AND ALL YOUR MONEY IF YOU KNOW WHATS GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR OFFSPRING, IT IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN SAVE HUMANITY.

IN SOLIDARITY AND IN ONE LOVE, THE S.H.I.T.

 

Marketers sure are getting evilly clever in their marketing techniques...
Get this, they create brand awareness by... not putting the brand in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIvCfNKg8qM&feature=relmfu

No. Seriously. Just a shame dogs don't have souls and won't go to heaven.
http://community-2.webtv.net/Wanda48/WhatAboutBones/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1HqiUeKpyg

Oscar Wildes: The nightingale and the Rose- Coming soon to an internuts near you!
This is just the teaser trailer, my friends and I made this, I of course being the student.
The final version is in the works, this is just whats been edited for a grading score since it had to be under two minutes, finished thing should be out in a few weeks

Yeah, that's right, Australia is now travelling *backwards* in time as we speak. And no body wanted to go back, but the government thought, "What the hell, fuck democracy and the laws of physics, why not".

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2011/06/02/3233202.htm

http://www.care2.com/causes/civil-rights/blog/when-the-kkk-protests-westboro-church-who-do-you-root-for/

The Westboro Baptist Church has made offending people an art, arriving at any public event they believe will have some media around, spreading their anti-homosexual message of hate.  One of their favorite spots has always been at the funerals of soldiers, targeting their families with signs stating that their loved ones died because of God's wrath over gays in the military.

So it's not much of a surprise that a contingent of the church showed up that the Memorial Day service at Arlington National Cemetery.  Slightly surprising, though, was who was there to meet them.

The Ku Klux Klan.

I'm rooting for them both offing each other, personally.
Onward christian soldiers... ect ect

This obviously disgusts me to rage-want-to-burn-down-any-child-beauty-pageant-place-that-i-get-near proportions.
Now, since this quite illegal, and would put in danger the poor children in them, I need alternative suggestions to really stick it to these pedophile fests and parents of children who for some fucked up reason think it's ok to sexualise their children and make them compete and vicariously live out for their parents what they couldn't possibly do themselves.

There have been protests, but turn outs have been low, and it seems, if anything, it has given more publicity to these fuckers and more fucked up people *WANT* to enter their children in now.

http://www.strippingthegurus.com/index.html

Great book which exposes pretty much every famous "guru" and is great fodder to use on devotees.

One of my favorites mentioned is the Dalai Llama. I've actually met the dude. I knew something seemed a bit "off" about him, and this book pretty much confirms stuff I've thought for a while.

Enjoy.

Looks like for some people, the end of the world already happened 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KT_89gi2Dk&feature=youtu.be

According to this article, it's scientifically official: Nonsense Sharpens the Intellect.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/06/health/06mind.html

Number one:
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DnONp2tTOoyk%26feature&h=757ef

If it isn't apparent to you what going on in this, you should leave the island now.

There was once a small sleepy village in outback Australia, that was a relatively peaceful community where nothing much happened.
In this village lived two brothers, Marcus and Angus, who worked on their parents farm.
They shore sheep, tended to the crops, and did all the typical things farm boys do growing up on a farm.  

One day, as they were walking to town to gather some groceries, they noticed a new sign by the side of the road that said "The worlds best sausage rolls, East -->"

Marcus was feeling pretty hungry and decided he could really go for a sausage roll, so he asked Angus if he could borrow some of the money their parents gave them for the groceries and said he'd get one for Angus too, and so he got the money off of him and went in the direction the sign pointed to for the supposedly worlds best sausage rolls while Angus went to get the groceries, saying that he'll meet up with him back home afterwards.

Angus went to get the groceries, a mostly uneventful trip really, although he did see a cat kill a possum, since this is a pretty small sleepy town, that's about as exciting as things got.

When Angus got home, he looked for his brother in the kitchen, hoping to try out the worlds best sausage rolls with him, but Marcus was no where to be found.  
He asked his parents if Marcus had returned yet, and they said not that they knew of, and that they thought that Marcus was with him.  
He told them that they separated at the sign, and hadn't heard from him since, expecting to meet him back at home.  

Angus looked around the farm for his brother, but he was nowhere to be seen, and figured he still must be on his way...

Hours pass, and there's still no sign of Marcus, and their parents start worrying about him, and so decides to try and go out and look for him.  

Angus wanted to come along as well, but his parents told him it's probably best that he stay at home in case Marcus does come home.
And so the parents went in the direction they assumed Marcus went, directed by the sign.  

Several more hours pass, and no one returns home, and Angus began to worry.  

So he went out into town, and told Mr AccaDacca, a good friend of his parents, what had happened.  
Mr AccaDacca told Angus not to fret, as he was an excellent bush tracker, and would find their trail and them in no time.
So off he went to find Angus's parents...

Several more hours passed, and still, no one had returned yet. Angus was really starting to get worried, but knew Mr AccaDacca was the best tracker in Australia, and tried his best not to become too concerned, telling himself over and over that things will be fine.  

Eventually, he fell asleep waiting for everyone to return home, and woke up to a beautiful morning the next day, but still no sign of his family or Mr AccaDacca.

So he goes back into town, and tells some other town people about what had happened.
The town people worried, as they knew that Mr AccaDacca was the best tracker in the world, and if he had disappeared, something must be seriously wrong.
So they formed a search party, consisting of half the towns population, to go out and try and find Angus's family and Mr AccaDacca, while Angus stayed behind, as someone needed  to tend to the farm regardless of the situation.

The day goes by and Angus starts to become greatly concerned as the evening approaches.  
So he goes back into town to see if anyone had returned, only to find... that all the other towns people had disappeared as well.

Angus was all alone, and scared, and worried, and didn't know what to do.
He wondered, is there some sort of monster out there, that has captured and eaten all the towns people? Maybe war has broken out, and enemy soldiers have captured everyone?

Well, Angus could sit around no longer, and had to do something.

So he went back to the farm, got his fathers shotgun, some rope, a flashlight, and packed a bag with survival gear and food, and painted his face black and put on his camo clothes.

He leaves and makes his way to follow that accursed sign that began all this... but just as he's getting close to the sign, he see's a light in the distance, heading towards him.  
"That must be the monster or the soldiers! I better hide!" Angus said to himself.  
So he ducked into the bushes, and waited for the light to get closer... and closer... and closer...

Then he could start to make out a shape behind the light, and it seemed oddly familiar...
Feeling brave, Angus turned on his flashlight and shined it on the shape...
It was his brother, Marcus!

Angus ran up to him, and shouted, "MARCUS! You're back! Where have you been? Where is everyone else?"

Marcus smiled, handed Angus the roll he promised, and told him,  
"Well, it's a long way to the shop, if you want a sausage roll".        

 

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/chaser/update.htm?name=conspiracy+theorists+being+right&id=5e38d982aecea3f5fa249828e8f1548a

​An 18-year-old man dressed in a cow costume stole 26 gallons of milk from a Virginia Walmart

http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2011/04/man_in_cow_cost.php

Current events and the age of the paranoid times has led me to coming up with a method to "weigh" conspiracy theories- I'm going to call it "Conspirapoker" method (actually, it's something else, but I know you guys are going to make a big deal out of the name and completely ignore what I'm talking about, I'm calling it this instead here)

Essentially, the theory is this: Just like a game of poker (texas hold em in this case), there is information that we know(our cards, and community cards), and information thats "out there" that we don't know- (ie the other players cards and the cards left in the deck).
Poker, despite what many people believe, is a winnable game, the "odds" of particular outcomes are calculable.

Now, the odds of getting any particular end game outcome weighs on the strength of the "cards", 2-7 being the worst possible 2 cards- the odds of getting a full house on the flop are about 300,000 to 1. (IIRC).
The best cards you can have of course are pair aces, and then there are all the cards in between that vary in "starting strength".

Now, just like conspiracies, there are things that make the odds of a conspiracy being true more likely, just are there are things that make the odds of a conspiracy NOT being true more likely- Since due to the very nature of conspiracies, it's nearly impossible to verify them- just as it's impossible to "know" what your opponents have in poker and what the deck contains- BUT, you can make educated guesses as to what's likely.

In conspiracies, things like incentive, risk to reward ratio, power, organisation, and other things I'll think up soon, would all give "weight" to a conspiracy, and so I *believe*, with the proper methodology, it's possible to calculate the "odds" of any particular conspiracy being likely.

That's the *theory* anyway. I'm still trying to flesh this out. But I think I'm onto something here....

Thoughts, suggestions, criticisms welcome.  

New research suggests people are more likely to endorse conspiracy theories if they would be willing to personally participate in such a conspiracy.

Interesting shit, sure would explain a lot of things about the tin foil hatters.

I've said this a million times before and I'll say it a million times again- THERE IS NO CONSPIRACY, THE GOVERNMENT *IS* OUT TO GET US.

You don't need wild eyed theories to discern the truth.

Come on guys, I mistrust the government more than anyone, but if you're going to start believing in bullshit just because it seems ambigious as to what the truth maybe, then why not start believing in reptilians? Why not believe there are mole men living under the earth? Why not believe that if you close your eyes and wish hard enough while jumping off a building, you can fly?

YES, it's good to question the government.
But its one thing to question, and another thing to take up a stance of biased belief that's based on a mistrust of the government and therefore EVERYTHING that the government says must be a lie.

You heard of Occams Razor right? Ever hear of Asimovs elephant?

Asimovs elephant is a demonstration of how many people think but don't realise it-
Suppose you were to come across a tree that had been split down the middle, and where the split is, the charred remains on the inside.

Now, a conspiracy theorist would have you believe that an elephant is what caused the tree to split- which begs the question, howed the elephant get up in the tree?
Well, the answers obvious, this was a FLYING elephant, that happened to land and rest on this tree causing it to split.

What, elephants don't fly, you say? How do you know that there aren't elephants out there that can fly? You haven't seen the world.

Whats that, there are humans all over the world and in all known history and everything that science knows says there isn't flying elephants?

Well, what if they're invisible? And live in the sky most of the time and are really, really, really good at avoiding airplanes?

And the charred remains of the tree?
Well, obviously, these elephants are constantly on fire and are immune to dying from it.

GO ON, PROOVE ME WRONG, YOU CANT, I MUST BE RIGHT.
This is how the conspiracy theorist thinks.

Those of us who's heads are slightly more grounded, would assume the tree was struck by lightning, but that's such a convenient excuse, THE GOVERNMENT IS TRYING TO HIDE THE FLYING ON FIRE ELEPHANTS FROM US, I KNOW THE TRUTH.

GIVE ME THE TRUTH (OR KILL ME.)

[OPPRESSIVE MODERATOR EDIT: This has been made its own thread on account of it being awesome and people asking for it.]

OPPRESSIVE MODERATOR EDIT: This has been made its own thread on account of it being awesome and people asking for it.[/i]

Ok, not dead, but. ILLEGAL.
That's right- The royals have been catching on that the court jester has more power than them through the magic of satire, and have ordered their heads to be chopped off lest people get the wrong idea about the royals.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2011/04/27/3201554.htm?section=justin

The *only* reason I'd want to watch the royal wedding, being made illegal right before the wedding, proving that the royals are grey faced reptilians.

WHENEVER SOMEONE MENTIONS THE ROYAL WEDDING, I WANT YOU TO REPEAT AFTER ME: WHO IS THE QUEEN?? 

It looks like China is attacking us as far as we can tell, or some kind of Asian country, can anyone identify these uniforms???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkqIMn5dK-w&feature=related

BBL, hiding in fear, need to get to safety, tell the world

You know the Hoodies you sell? You know that bit of string that goes into said hood part of the hoodie?

How does one put it back in again if one accidently pulls it all the way out?

I am clothing illiterate, please help before I do something stupid with the left over string.

Easter: a holy time where we commemorate and remember that Jesus died for our sins by leaving chocolate eggs around and telling children to venerate fertility symbols that left the chocolate hidden around for them.
The miraculous thing about all of this REALLY is that people never question what chocolate bunnies have to do with Jesus, but why should we cus HEY FREE CHOCOLATE! RIGHT?

You know, now that I have meditated on this a bit more, easter's actually thinly veiled celebration of pedophilia. Think about it- Rabbits/eggs are fertility symbols, of course, and the prime audience of easter is really for the children who go around hunting for fertility symbols... and to lure the children in, they're promised free candy from a mysterious stranger who just wants to share his "eggs" with the children.

Some might think this a bit sick and twisted, and yes, it is. That's exactly what easter is.
See, some people might tell you, easter doesn't make any sense, easter bunnies and chocolate and Jesus have nothing to do with each other, but I tell ye, YOU ARE WRONG, it's actually a logical extension of the pedophilia network the Vatican established to subtly and subconsciously brainwash the masses into having more leniency to forgive priests who molest children, AND EVERYONE HAS JUST TURNED A BLIND EYE TO THIS CONSPIRACY, AND THIS IS WHY SOCIETY IS FUCKED AND WHY EASTER MAKES COMPLETE SENSE AND IS NOTHING BUT PURE EVIL TO THOSE WHO UNDERSTAND IT'S METAPHORICAL SIGNIFICANCE.

Now you know the truth. Now go forth, and spread the TERRIBLE TRUTH™ OF EASTER!

You're welcome.

GO

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo1hW6_-d_Q&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YwqFz14xY4

You're welcome.

eat your heart out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pidokakU4I

I've had a hell of a last 3 weeks.
Long story short, don't ask any fucking questions, I'm aware of the reputation I have here and in quick rhetoric before stupid/spiteful questions are asked, I am currently single, and have had my heart broken about 3 times in the last 3 weeks.
Long story, don't want to get into it, but I want you to help me.

I'm feeling emo, I want to hear some tunes that are singing my pain of unrequited love and confusion about how much love sucks in general.
Give me suggestions or get the fuck out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-jN3vH26NQ

You're welcome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPZMmjRceqM

You have been warned.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Guerillas_%28film%29

The protagonists arrive in the Philippines and start their hunt for Rushdie, who escapes them repeatedly thanks to the use of multiple decoys. In the course of one of their attempts to kill Rushdie, the three brothers appear wearing Batman disguises. The Israeli general's sister is sent to seduce one of the Muslim guerillas but ends up falling in love with him and ultimately converting to Islam in the final scene.

The film ends with a gunfight opposing the four Pakistani "international guerillas" and Rushdie's army of Israeli henchmen. The heroes defeat the villains and, as Rushdie attempts to flee the scene, three giant Qur'ans appear in the sky and fire energy beams at the writer, incinerating him

You're welcome

FUCK YOU, THIS is definite and scientific proof that dogs are a million times more awesome.

Lies-
Doesn't mind cats but boy are they fucking lazy selfish bastards.

http://www.kkmime.com/main.html

The amount of things in this site that are just wrong is uncountable.

It's harder to find what *isn't* wrong about this. Seriously.

It's 2:30 am. I am on the internet. There is nothing to do. I cannot sleep.
Why am I on the internet? I should be doing something constructive.
I should be asleep.
But I'm not. And I won't. And I'll keep checking my inboxs even though I know theres nothing to expect.

Somebody kill me.

Signs of the end times? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwnUQcKXmMM&feature=autofb&skipcontrinter=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnNtlQm3z4E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5v1SkpUqYj0&sns=em

Looks like the revolutions on you tube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCdqgPRqwo4

Do nevar go to jail. Why? Because courts have deemed it an "illegal gang activity" and don't want you imagining yourself outside of your prison.
Cus you know, roleplayers man, they're just too hard core a bunch for prison.

http://www.geeksaresexy.net/2011/01/25/dungeons-dragons-a-threat-to-prison-security/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVW_azWw6uo&feature=related

As titled: I'll go first

MISCARRIAGES HAPPEN

(IN YOUR FACE, HIPPIES WITH "MAGIC HAPPENS" STICKERS )

This explains why episodes 1-3 were so shit.

http://gizmodo.com/5737546/george-lucas-believes-the-world-will-end-in-2012

A CROSS-dressing police officer was caught alone in his car in a black ladies G-string, bra and six-inch high heels while committing an "offensive act", a court heard yesterday.

With his uniform on the back seat, off-duty constable Peter Karras, 51, of Green Valley, thought a dark and secluded Punchbowl street, in western Sydney, was the perfect place to put on women's clothing and touch himself.

But two officers patrolling the area spotted Karras about 10.40pm.

Documents tendered to Burwood Local Court yesterday revealed Karras was wearing a black ladies G-string that exposed his penis, as well as a black bra, several gold necklaces and matching bracelets and six-inch high heels.

The officers also found his police uniform and police-issued gun belt on the back seat of his car, the court heard.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/lifestyle/the-other-side/cross-dressing-policeman-peter-karras-caught-out-by-officers/story-e6frfhk6-1225990938713

There is no emoticon to express how I feel about this except for maybe...

Fix the fucking search function on the online copy of the PD here.
Kthanks.

Just a thought I came up with the other day-
A great place to put posters up for postergasm is where ever there is those really annoying and stupid and egotistical graffiti tags-
Think about it, you're both simultaneously doing the work as an agent of the goddess, AND you're "cleaning up" the community by covering up the stupid tags that egotistical dicks are compulsed to put up everywhere which are just an eyesore- don't get me wrong, I *like* *good* graffiti, but tagging is just stupid.

The bonus to this is, if any asshole tries to take our posters down, they'll be revealing the graffiti and will most likely be feeling guilty about what they have done since in their effort to "clean" up the place, they've just made the place worse   

Please leave this thread and fuck off if you already know this, but:

I noticed while playing grand theft auto that there's a mock company that sells "Eris" brand things like shoes and tshirts, very clever and subtle nod to discordianism

http://gta.wikia.com/Eris

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ot-QL-v1WMo

I only just noticed it while playing GTA4 but apparently its in GTA3 as well as they are mentioned in a radio advertisement.

In GTA4 there's a whole website with the mock up webpage dedicated to it as well.

So yeah, that's kinda awesome.

"Honeybees are found to interact with Quantum fields "

http://www.neuroquantology.com/repository/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=65%3Ahoneybees-are-found-to-interact-with-quantum-fields&catid=59%3Aquantum-field-theory-in-brain&Itemid=70

What do you think of that?

Cain and Pixie declared this not funny, so I'm taking it back.

Sorry. Didn't realise sharing a laugh was forbidden here.