I expect you to hold the door open, to pull out my chair, and to pay the tab. Why? I'm not even that cute, but I expect these things because I want you to show me you're not a fucking savage idiot. It doesn't matter if you have mammary glands or a penis. You are a human being, if we are on a date, it is because you wanted this, so ok, show it in the follow-through. If you're not, roughly %1 of the population who just happen to be the most awesome, then chances are, I did not pursue you to this point, so show some fucking class.
If you want to get laid, the formula is simple, bring me booze. If you stop bringing me booze, I will find someone else who is more talented in the booze-bringing department. I may like you, but you are not irreplaceable. You may have the perkiest buns, but, I like all buns, not just the perky ones, so either work for it or, get lost. I can make these demands, I'm good at what I do. I deserve to be compensated for my time. If I am not compensated by you, then it will be someone else doing your job, which basically means, you're fired.
I will not tolerate being called a "bitch", I will also not tolerate anyone using the word "faggot". If this seems harsh, look in the mirror and really consider what you're saying. I will let you touch me, I will do things you didn't think were possible. I will turn a gay man straight, and not feel the slightest bit bad about it, this is all normal. I can be your best friend, just don't forget I don't work for free... unless you're one of the most awesome pieces of shit in the universe, who, well, they typically don't have money.
What I expect, is for someone who approaches /me/ to know that, I hold the cards. I didn't opt for this, but I can be down for it, given the right motivation. There are many things I'm willing to do, many rules and taboos I'm willing to break, but this shit ain't free, I don't like you that much. There's not a rule that says I have to like you. I might be submissive, but if you don't pay my bridge tax, find another bridge. This troll gotta eat. I'm not special, I'm no genius, but I know how to tickle people inside and out. This is what you are paying for. Don't fucking forget it.
Ok, somebody else come up with more horrifying bullshit, I'm tapped out.
Wow, meant to say, turn a straight man gay, I don't think it bends that other way. The things you learn by narcissticly reading your own posts repeatedly.
I'm sure it works both ways if it works any, but as someone with a male body you may have a harder time turning a gay man straight than vice versa.
Yeah, yeah, I caught that, I'm a male too and I don't think you can actually un-gay a dude.
EDIT: I'm sure it isn't possible, I've had bosses who grew up in the church, went to those straight camps, had like seven or eight children, and, newp, dude is gay. That's just how it is.
Quote from: Pergamos on April 04, 2019, 12:36:55 AM
I'm sure it works both ways if it works any, but as someone with a male body you may have a harder time turning a gay man straight than vice versa.
But what if he's
just that fabulous?
Gawd, this is what I get for stream of consciousness typing, I deserved it though.
EDIT: Someone else post some unreasonable shit so I don't feel quite as bad for being an utter shit-stain.
Quote from: Fujikoma on April 04, 2019, 12:43:33 AM
Gawd, this is what I get for stream of consciousness typing, I deserved it though.
EDIT: Someone else post some unreasonable shit so I don't feel quite as bad for being an utter shit-stain.
Fuck no. It's YOUR turn in the barrel. :lulz:
NOOO, not the barrel, for real, someone else post because I don't want to find out what the "barrel" is.
Quote from: Fujikoma on April 04, 2019, 02:36:00 AM
NOOO, not the barrel, for real, someone else post because I don't want to find out what the "barrel" is.
Well, if the Dok puts you in it with some brine and vegetables, I'd say you're really in a pickle. :lulz:
At least I'm not bacon, yeah? Did you know pigs don't sweat?
Did you know horses sweat foam?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190404/7a021e31386f5fdff646eb49923b07c1.jpg)
Quote from: Fujikoma on April 04, 2019, 03:33:13 AM
At least I'm not bacon, yeah? Did you know pigs don't sweat?
I did~
Didja know platypii sweat milk because they live sad, confused, nipple-less lives?
Animal sweat is a horrible slide down a hole of madness.
Quote from: nullified on April 04, 2019, 03:39:34 AM
Did you know horses sweat foam?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190404/7a021e31386f5fdff646eb49923b07c1.jpg)
:vom:
Quote from: nullified on April 04, 2019, 03:41:38 AM
Animal sweat is a horrible slide down a hole of madness.
This is not the kind of pillow-talk I'd hoped for...
Quote from: The Johnny on April 04, 2019, 03:56:50 AM
Quote from: nullified on April 04, 2019, 03:39:34 AM
Did you know horses sweat foam?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190404/7a021e31386f5fdff646eb49923b07c1.jpg)
:vom:
Oh if you think that's weird, just look at
this horse, Johnny. :lulz:
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2017/10/13/extreme-horse-breeding-leaves-animals-looking-like-cartoons/
Horses have the worst sweat ever and are horrible in every other way too.
Exhibits:
Horse teeth are like dentures but natural.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190404/96241c5ec92336f95dc586663deae2db.jpg)
Horse hooves are just fucking horrible. As in they are literally giant middle finger nails.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190404/c7127088a3a1f60b52c5786c192568e4.jpg)
And they get to looking genuinely unsettling in certain special breeds.
Look at this hellbeast!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190404/d2e9298f260b72cd43262a6f876a5d4a.jpg)
Oh, not horrible enough? Let's aim for maximum phallic symbolism this time.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190404/7f00dadad75357b86f73dd2509c4f50b.jpg)
Horses are terrible
You're seriously harshing on my fursona.
It isn't my fault your fursona is an emissary of hell itself, bucko. You should pick something nice and wholesome next time, like an anteater.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190404/e777e2b9e02f01cff34876078e058a4f.jpg)
Yep, this place has still got it, I love you guys.
Quote from: nullified on April 04, 2019, 04:16:01 AM
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190404/d2e9298f260b72cd43262a6f876a5d4a.jpg)
Why is that Pug wearing a wig and why does it have such a long neck?
That's what happens when you let horses and dogs breed, the way the liberals want.
Quote from: Fujikoma on April 04, 2019, 02:36:00 AM
NOOO, not the barrel, for real, someone else post because I don't want to find out what the "barrel" is.
How could anyone make it past age 10 without knowing that joke? It's as old as Caesar.
Truth be told, I don't know it either.
Quote from: nullified on April 04, 2019, 05:47:54 AM
Truth be told, I don't know it either.
Sergeant is showing the new recruit around the foreign legion post.
"So we're pretty isolated here, so when you get anxious, you can stick your dick in that barrel - any day except Friday - and you'll be taken care of."
"Why not Friday?"
"Because Friday is your day in the barrel."
Ah.
Quote from: nullified on April 04, 2019, 05:51:44 AM
Ah.
This is the kind of thing we did before humor was invented.
But that is in fact where the expression "your turn in the barrel" comes from.
Oh, I believe you. I just don't have much to reply to that with, because it answers every question I might have had and is not offensive, boring, hilarious, or stupid enough to demand more from me.
It is probably the first time in a year that I have had no emotional reaction to something I read at all. I'm not sure if that say more about me or old people, but I'm okay with a complete lack of reaction to new information. I need less excitement.
AHAHAHA! OMFG, yeah, that's good. "Why not friday?" "Because that's your day in the barrel."
Who are you talking to, Nullified? You're fucking brilliant and hilarious, and you'd be a lot less concerning if you weren't charging windmills while screaming about giants.
Do you want to hear pure, unadulterated crazy? I can explain the setting of Dark Sun for you, or I could refuse, and hope Howl decides to run a dark sun campaign out of the kindness of his black, ichor-ridden heart. Seriously, this is a setting where you roll up several PCs at once, because you're gonna die.
Quote from: nullified on April 04, 2019, 06:14:30 AM
Oh, I believe you. I just don't have much to reply to that with, because it answers every question I might have had and is not offensive, boring, hilarious, or stupid enough to demand more from me.
It is probably the first time in a year that I have had no emotional reaction to something I read at all. I'm not sure if that say more about me or old people, but I'm okay with a complete lack of reaction to new information. I need less excitement.
Now do you see why I hate everyone on the planet? Before 1994, that's all we had.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 04, 2019, 06:25:28 AM
Quote from: nullified on April 04, 2019, 06:14:30 AM
Oh, I believe you. I just don't have much to reply to that with, because it answers every question I might have had and is not offensive, boring, hilarious, or stupid enough to demand more from me.
It is probably the first time in a year that I have had no emotional reaction to something I read at all. I'm not sure if that say more about me or old people, but I'm okay with a complete lack of reaction to new information. I need less excitement.
Now do you see why I hate everyone on the planet? Before 1994, that's all we had.
I already basically understood the hating everyone, but now I kind of get the "world destruction" part. It's just kindness, really, you're just a simple Doktor who sees a diseased limb and wants to shoot it into the sun for the good of the universe.
As the disease I'm slightly offended.
A day in the barrel doesn't sound too terribly bad in the original context, all things considered. I'm not a fan of dudes, but I know at least 2 people who would be into that. :fap:
Yeah, that's what I mean. It's not even all that terrible. The joke isn't "haha gay", it's "you are benefitting from this so you will also work for it", which deflates all the possible offense. It's not shocking enough to be disgusting, it's not stupid enough to mock, and it's not funny enough to riff on.
It exists and that's okay. Exactly how I feel about palm trees, motorcycles and small scarabid beetles.
Nullified is just pissed because it's his turn in the barrel.
Quote from: Fujikoma on April 04, 2019, 06:52:35 AM
Nullified is just pissed because it's her turn in the barrel.
Fixed that for ye,
if my memory serves me right.
I was in the barrel yesterday.
I fail to understand why what's between your legs is such a big deal, we're all full-grown discordians.
Quote from: Fujikoma on April 04, 2019, 07:34:58 AM
I fail to understand why what's between your legs is such a big deal, we're all full-grown discordians.
Oh, I don't care that much about what's between legs, so long as it's not hairy and diseased. I care more about the person/monster/eldritch horror it's attached to; penises are fine by me, I just don't want the men that come with most of them, nor do I want the men that come with some vaginas.
Quote from: Al Qədic on April 04, 2019, 07:48:51 AM
Quote from: Fujikoma on April 04, 2019, 07:34:58 AM
I fail to understand why what's between your legs is such a big deal, we're all full-grown discordians.
Oh, I don't care that much about what's between legs, so long as it's not hairy and diseased. I care more about the person/monster/eldritch horror it's attached to; penises are fine by me, I just don't want the men that come with most of them, nor do I want the men that come with some vaginas.
Yeah, basically this.
Quote from: nullified on April 04, 2019, 07:56:04 AM
Quote from: Al Qədic on April 04, 2019, 07:48:51 AM
Quote from: Fujikoma on April 04, 2019, 07:34:58 AM
I fail to understand why what's between your legs is such a big deal, we're all full-grown discordians.
Oh, I don't care that much about what's between legs, so long as it's not hairy and diseased. I care more about the person/monster/eldritch horror it's attached to; penises are fine by me, I just don't want the men that come with most of them, nor do I want the men that come with some vaginas.
Yeah, basically this.
I like how in-sync you and I are sometimes, Null. :)
...and with that probably-awkward declaration, I'm off to bed. Night all.
I can dig that.
I'd ask who wants to help me destroy the world but it's too fucking late at night, so we can't.
So I'm talking to this woman I like, and she says, "This, is really bad, are we the same person?" and my mind literally implodes, after a reboot, I decide it's fine.
I must add that this woman would make most of you look like idiots... I was flattered.
Quote from: nullified on April 04, 2019, 03:39:34 AM
Did you know horses sweat foam?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190404/7a021e31386f5fdff646eb49923b07c1.jpg)
Wait a minute, I'm not supposed to sweat foam?
Only if you aren't a horse.
I do believe you are the slothful overlord of deceit, a non-horse being, so no, you shouldn't sweat foam.
I really dont have high expectations on a date, I just want her to be and act organically true, without fake plastics or artificial "flavorings".
I just expect her to be small, sweet, a bit plump in the right areas and with a brownish skin tone - and for her to maybe allow me to lick or chew on her parts eventually..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
And while i expect my dates to be clean and hygienic, and i wouldnt expect to find one of these, it would actually be a welcome surprise, for supposedly theyre a delicacy in asia.
Just came here to say I hate the OP and demon horses were a huge improvement.
Things I expect on a date:
-DYING, because obviously my lack of mind reading abilities and gulliblity has led to me to have a date with a covert serial killer.
-KILLING, because obviously a date is the moment when my dormant psychopath unexpectedly gets loose and does something terrible to the person I'm intrested in.
-HOT SEX, because obviously despite of all my paranoia and weird ticks, things will go just like in movies.
I'm a modest guy, all I'm asking is to not to be carrying all this stupid cultural baggage for nothing.
Demon horses WERE a huge improvement, but I'm more curious to see where people take this shit-posting exercise.
Take it to the morgue.
Things I expect on a date.
First date, I'm paying. I expect my date to treat the waitstaff like human beings, much as I will. I expect that first date will be a round of validation-seeking. It's how first dates work. Then I expect that we'll find some mutually-agreeable past time for afterwards. A show, perhaps. At some point, we will drive away. Might want a kiss, won't expect one. Ask if I can see her again. If the answer is yes, then go to:
After Action Review: Did I talk too much. What were her facial expressions, etc? These cues are good to know if you plan to ask her again.
Second date: If at all possible, she's driving and picking the venues. This is really important for any possible future relationship. Do what she wants to do. Hold your horses, old son, you are probably not getting laid tonight, either,so just mash lips for a while.
After Action Review: Didn't say anything to cringe about. If there was, can it be corrected?
Third date: Less activities, and activities that give you some alone time together Kiss the person occasionally, if you can do so without being creep. Try to take her to her place or your place. Cautiously. If it does not work, repeat the date 3 criteria until either she's into you or you determine that she isn't. If she isn't, politely part ways, or just become her friend.
Okay, so you finally got you some. What's next? If you're a scumbag, ghost now. If, on the other hand, you like this person and this person likes you, then go back to third date and park there for a while (as a dating zone, I mean). Have a good time, have good sex, etc.
Then casually suggest that you'd really like to move her in. Or him in. Whatever.
NOW, THIS IS THE CRITICAL PART: Once you're co-habitating, you must continue alternating second and third dates. until one of you foolishky falls in love. And says so. At this point, you have to make a huge decision: You can say "I love you", or you can face the first of an infinite series of arguments that will never end until she/you is the subject of LEGENDS in your social circle. If you do the "I love you" bit, GO WITH IT. ALL IN.
This is where people fuck up. They are AFRAID of all-in, and they temporize and waffle. This insults your SO over like nothing else. It says that she does not meet the standard. Her ego will balloon out of control (just as ours would.) and it is OVER, my lad.
More on this tomorrow, when my head isn't full of bad drugs.
This thread took a turn, and I'm here for it.
The difference between dating and a relationship is that you don't know enough about someone you're dating. You can't know enough until you have shared a bathroom for a few days.
And dating is basically a mutual audition for a relationship.
As such, a reasonable set of things to expect on a date involve both 1) things the person reveals to you and 2) things the person tries to hide, which is really just another category of 1.
Things the person reveals to you are:
1. How they behave towards "the help" (wait staff, ticket booth personnel, etc)
2. What their nonverbal cues are.
3. What kind of conversationalist they are.
4. What they think makes them attractive (how they dressed, etc)
5. What makes them laugh.
Things the person tries to hide from you:
1. What they think of themselves.
2. Their nerdier interests.
3. What ALSO makes them laugh.
Going back to Fuji's OP, what is Fuji revealing and trying to hide, based on the stated expectations? Even sarcastically?
Because it's pretty damn horrific.
Damn Howl, that's what I'm talking about.
I did once accidently say "I love you." and was quickly told to stfu newb.
EDIT: ... I'd be mad about you drawing attention to it but I only saw your edit a second later... then I realized, these fuckers can make up their own minds.
What was my intent with the OP? I was just, being honest. Sure it was egotistical, and yes, still working on that. Under it all though, it was a thermometer, just, how sick IS the patient. Luckily, not too sick.
EDIT: remember when they had to stick a thermometer in your butt? That sucked. You're sick and that's the last thing you want.