Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Principia Discussion => Topic started by: Jasper on May 20, 2008, 09:17:44 PM

Title: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Jasper on May 20, 2008, 09:17:44 PM
So I'm studying the manual to take my permit test today, and I keep seeing these profound little soundbytes in my pdf of the California Motorcycle Handbook.  So I saved them.  :mrgreen:
Quote
In order to make safe decisions about how to handle trouble ahead, you must know what is going on behind you.

Wear brightly-colored clothing to increase your chances of being seen.

Maintain a space cushion around your motorcycle that permits you to take evasive action.

Actively search ahead, to the sides, and behind to help you avoid potential hazards.

Experienced riders remain aware of what is going on around them.

When you speed up to lose a tailgater, you only end up with someone tailgating you at a higher speed.

No matter how careful you are, there will be times when you find yourself in a tight spot.

Every curve is different.

Ride within your skill level.

If you are carrying a heavy load, lighten it.

Avoid unnecessary talk or motion.

Obtain a Travel Map.

Stay away from wild animals that are rearing young—or suffering from food shortages.

Resist the urge to pioneer a new road or trail.
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Bebek Sincap Ratatosk on May 20, 2008, 09:23:57 PM
space cushion

OH THE VISUALS!!!!
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Adios on May 20, 2008, 09:40:08 PM
Stay away from wild animals that are rearing young—or suffering from food shortages.



Uh.......NO SHIT!!!!!
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Jasper on May 20, 2008, 09:48:57 PM
It's not something everybody grows up needing to know.

Once while at a summer camp, I actually walked within fifteen feet of a herd of deer with young. :o

They did not step.
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Adios on May 20, 2008, 09:57:55 PM
Quote from: Felix on May 20, 2008, 09:48:57 PM
It's not something everybody grows up needing to know.

Once while at a summer camp, I actually walked within fifteen feet of a herd of deer with young. :o

They did not step.

Wow. I never considered but I grew up hunting and fishing and have spent most of my life outdoors.
D/N/T motherhood or hunger was always just assumed for us.
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Bebek Sincap Ratatosk on May 20, 2008, 10:02:10 PM
Quote from: The Reverend Asshat on May 20, 2008, 09:57:55 PM
Quote from: Felix on May 20, 2008, 09:48:57 PM
It's not something everybody grows up needing to know.

Once while at a summer camp, I actually walked within fifteen feet of a herd of deer with young. :o

They did not step.

Wow. I never considered but I grew up hunting and fishing and have spent most of my life outdoors.
D/N/T motherhood or hunger was always just assumed for us.

TROOF
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Jasper on May 20, 2008, 10:06:00 PM
Anyway, you haven't refuted the motorcycle manual's great wisdom. 

It is the correct manual.
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Adios on May 20, 2008, 10:08:09 PM
Quote from: Felix on May 20, 2008, 10:06:00 PM
Anyway, you haven't refuted the motorcycle manual's great wisdom. 

It is the correct manual.

169% TROOF!
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: e on May 20, 2008, 10:17:25 PM
Quote from: Felix on May 20, 2008, 09:17:44 PM
When you speed up to lose a tailgater, you only end up with someone tailgating you at a higher speed.

This is true.  Clearly, then, the only solution is to slow way the fuck down when somebody is tailgating you.

CALIFORNIA: Supporting Passive-Agressive Driving Habits since 1850.
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Jasper on May 20, 2008, 10:21:28 PM
Quote from: TheStripèdOne on May 20, 2008, 10:17:25 PM
Quote from: Felix on May 20, 2008, 09:17:44 PM
When you speed up to lose a tailgater, you only end up with someone tailgating you at a higher speed.

This is true.  Clearly, then, the only solution is to slow way the fuck down when somebody is tailgating you.

CALIFORNIA: Supporting Passive-Agressive Driving Habits since 1850.

Who said anything about that?  When they tailgate, you BRAKE-CHECK the motherfucker.
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Adios on May 20, 2008, 10:22:56 PM
Quote from: Felix on May 20, 2008, 10:21:28 PM
Quote from: TheStripèdOne on May 20, 2008, 10:17:25 PM
Quote from: Felix on May 20, 2008, 09:17:44 PM
When you speed up to lose a tailgater, you only end up with someone tailgating you at a higher speed.

This is true.  Clearly, then, the only solution is to slow way the fuck down when somebody is tailgating you.

CALIFORNIA: Supporting Passive-Agressive Driving Habits since 1850.

Who said anything about that?  When they tailgate, you BRAKE-CHECK the motherfucker.

FTW. Except on a motorcycle.
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Jasper on May 20, 2008, 10:25:46 PM
The Manual outlines the proper solution for any road hazard.
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Roo on May 20, 2008, 10:28:19 PM
Quote from: TheStripèdOne on May 20, 2008, 10:17:25 PM
Quote from: Felix on May 20, 2008, 09:17:44 PM
When you speed up to lose a tailgater, you only end up with someone tailgating you at a higher speed.

This is true.  Clearly, then, the only solution is to slow way the fuck down when somebody is tailgating you.

CALIFORNIA: Supporting Passive-Agressive Driving Habits since 1850.
:lol:

More fun is to start driving slightly erratically...slow down, speed up, use the entire lane...heck, put your blinker on, and turn it off, then the other one...throw on your hazards for a bit...anything that isn't illegal, but will confuse or annoy them...

-perpetuating the belief that women can't drive since 1998 :oops:
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Adios on May 20, 2008, 10:28:41 PM
May I suggest the touch and go brake check? Bikes can leave cars in the dust.
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: e on May 20, 2008, 10:29:17 PM
Quote from: Felix on May 20, 2008, 10:25:46 PM
The Manual outlines the proper solution for any road hazard.

So what do you do when you see the Buddha?
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Jasper on May 20, 2008, 10:31:33 PM
Yeah, I'd never take the risk of a full brake check.  I drive within my skill level.

Giving off the vibe that you're not sane also backs them off.

Quote from: TheStripèdOne on May 20, 2008, 10:29:17 PM
Quote from: Felix on May 20, 2008, 10:25:46 PM
The Manual outlines the proper solution for any road hazard.

So what do you do when you see the Buddha?

Offer him a lift?
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: Adios on May 20, 2008, 11:13:41 PM
NO. Run the fucker down.
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: e on May 20, 2008, 11:46:31 PM
Quote from: The Reverend Asshat on May 20, 2008, 11:13:41 PM
NO. Run the fucker down.

This is the correct motorcide.
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: fomenter on May 21, 2008, 12:10:24 AM
If you are carrying a heavy load, lighten it.

make frequent restroom breaks?
new age greeting card wisdom?
diet before riding?
masturbate - riding while horny can kill?
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: nostalgicBadger on May 21, 2008, 01:53:04 AM
I wish the hitting the Buddha wisdom also applied to Jesus. Somehow I feel like if you hit the Buddha on a motorcycle, you'd be the one who gets messed up.
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: e on May 21, 2008, 02:06:07 AM
Quote from: nostalgicBadger on May 21, 2008, 01:53:04 AM
I wish the hitting the Buddha wisdom also applied to Jesus. Somehow I feel like if you hit the Buddha on a motorcycle, you'd be the one who gets messed up.

It'd apply to Jesus for Gnostics, I guess. 

If you hit the Buddha, you get reborn as that paperclip in Miscrosoft Office. :(
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: LMNO on May 21, 2008, 02:41:01 PM
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v711/Marburger/Devilclip.jpg)
Title: Re: Pearls Before Swine: Wisdom Of The Motorcycle Manual
Post by: e on May 22, 2008, 01:02:46 AM
Quote from: LMNO on May 21, 2008, 02:41:01 PM
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v711/Marburger/Devilclip.jpg)
:lulz:

:mittens: