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Topics - Ari

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Or Kill Me / a short poem about consent
« on: June 22, 2020, 02:33:21 pm »

Principia Discussion / Return
« on: August 05, 2017, 11:58:13 am »
... i do not know if this is the right subforum, please move me around if needed ...

maybe some of you remember me. it was a long and crazy ride across this flying rock, years passed, countries came and went, but i remember you, i remember how you set the path, for me to become whatever this strange creature is now, aproaching the thirty and four. how i found a path that doesn't involve depression and perpetual trauma, self-deceipt and inflated ego. how i found a way for my own absurdity and probably madness to brighten nights and create meaning in the meaningless. (and yet, i continue to struggle with these things, i guess it won't be fun without it, but i learnt how to struggle better, partially thanks to you folks so just take the damn compliment and let's move on)

so a late thank you to all of you, fond memories of vikings invading, of many a stick being thrown in wheels, mine or yours, just to find that quick stop to rethink it all. thank you. for whatever you did to my brain ten years ago.
so i went criss-cross this continent, living up north, trying to do the goddess' work, yet i am again stuck in the shrapnel sorting, ... maybe that is why i return? at least i found my passion when it comes to making ends meet. never again the cubicle, it's gonna be molten metal every day any day until i expire. you can take the tig torch from my cold dead hands, or preferably bury me with the machine and call it a day. just dont forget to plant all the catnip instead of flowers on my grave.

anyhow, i digress again and it will take me a few days to read up on what's happened / happening. back to lurking as per usual, dont mind the wyrd man. i bring old writings that i may need to be polished up a bit, you know.... contemplate 2 hours whether or not to put a comma there. or just scrap the whole thing to make something new cause it's old and stupid thinking.

special shoutout to cramulus. i silently read your tumblings for ... all these years.
and i made it a point to distribute the "classics" as i remember them to everyone i met along the path that exhibited bouts of free thinking. so while i was gone, you were never in this life.

 :lulz: fav smiley of all times. i gotta go laugh at myselves for a moment here. feeling this weird fuzzy thing like coming home after a long journey.
make of this what you want. i know you will.

until very soon. i have reading to do.

in anima, libertas - in omnibus, amor et hilaritas

Apple Talk / musings about the oook inside
« on: January 02, 2012, 03:11:33 pm »
oook it boomed again with a deep growl.
i told myself i'd have made it up in my head. like the long high-pitched beep that would come and go in either or both my ears.
as the cat came back from the door it caught a glimpse of my watergrass curtain, and there it was, plain as day. a quick pounce, the long line twirling away, swinging back, brushing by her head and instantly came the next pounce. half a jump later, rolling around on the back, she was frantically pouncing at a piece of straw with a mad expression in her face, eyes wide-open, hindlegs shaking. all that grace and intelligence i always attributed to these lovely feline creatures, gone in an instant when the beast showed its face and took over all her doing.
like two nights ago, when of my best friends turned absolutely vile in the face of increasing ethanol in his bloodstream. it got so vile i left the gregorian festivities early without another word.
we meant to fight together for a better world this year, where more bipeds would become critically-thinking, kind humans and stop the monkeyish bickering we seem to love so much in our current days. yet now i sit here and wonder.
oook. there it was again. the primal rage within. the old core from deep within the cave with the urge to claw off the skin of its enemies and gorge on the hearts of man and beast alike.
and yet, my friend, my master, my apprentice, my father and brother - he behaved in such unnecessary destructive ways, undoing the ideal he meant ot strive for. dis-illusion, i guess that's what the process can be called.
two days later i watch this cat which isn't even mine tumble out of her usual mind, following the road of the beast inside, completely lost in reaction and instinct.
and i wonder. are we not the same? us mangnificient bipeds with a brain the size of a cabbage? one way or another, sooner or later, we tend to go down the dirty road and let out the primal scream. oook. there it is again. fueled by raw, fiery emotion, stringed on cold, pragmatic steel, ooook.
and ever since i stopped taking my daily dose of pills it grows stronger. or maybe it has always been there and i never heard it? maybe it was there yet manifested differently?
i'll have to make my peace with it though. it's here to stay. maybe some day i will figure out its purpose, until then i can still harness its powers. especially when dealing with those deaf bipeds, the ones that know neither words nor reason. the vile creatures that only thrive on destruction. for noone shall stand between me and my freaky fun.
that much i have learnt.

oook She roared, and wandered off to the fridge to bite a massive chunk out of a big piece of raw bacon

Hello again fellow travellers,

This was meant as the final chapter in this unpractical handbook for the mentally-readjusted, aiming to un-re-clarify a few things, but after reviewing the draft I had written last year I realised that it's more of an ongoing journal about my own jailbreak experiments, the deliciously fun times I came to have with my own mindbody, and a big messy clusterfuck of a draft – all of which based on pages taken from my small pocket notebooks.
But I'd like to take most of these snippets, try to arrange them in a somewhat coherent manner and expand on a few parts. Once time allows I'll merge all three into a concentrated pamphlet.
After all, a great sage called me out to stop my lurking and barf up what I have.

Have you found your very own door yet? I probably could have been more precise with the map but each has to find their own, and if it can't be find, just create it – the process is simple, but noone said it would be easy.
Certain dangers lurk along the path that leads beyond the third side of the coin.
When going away from the usual models of perception, madness and alienation await to either side. This seems inevitable and thus can easily be seen as intended, just try to keep your balance. Holding more than three perceptions semi-simultaneously at a given moment may lead to a sudden change in the self-identification modules, it may also overwhelm the inexperienced traveller of worlds and cast him down some delusional pit. Even if that happens, we'll become richer from the experience. So it's all good I guess. The natural reaction to back off and return to old patterns requires presistence and discipline to overcome. Internal dualities become more apparent, and awareness of internal and external processes increases; which in my case led to an even more laid back approach to the idiocy in the world, and with each iteration my personal mindbody construct became closer to what seems like my true nature.
A similar challenge awaits after passing through the initial door – limitless possibilities have an overwhelming nature. And all of a sudden one will find one selves to become the limiting factors and old habits will slowly drag one back to where one started from. Introspective studies should allow to get over that condition too.
On the handling of habits it should be noted: they shouldn't be thrown out of the window; especially the ones one has marked for priority termination – they should be kicked down the stairs, step by step.

So finally we find our selves among a plethora of probable worlds, fleeting in and out of focus from moment to moment.
How long IS a moment though? Does a moment have any inherit "being"? Depending on our abilities we can scratch the surface here, and it takes persistent training to prolong the timeframe within which we can actually observe these moments. Yet while experiencing the moment it will already have passed so we can never convey the moment itself, just the imprint its perception left withing our mindbody. It also allows to let go of past and future and fully unfold within the present.
Which at some point leads to the end of "being". All that remains is "doing" – each moment anew, the possibility to turn everything into nothing, and nothing into everything.
Choice & Will -- the basis for our actions in a given moment, and the way we perceive these moments.
These choices define the present, and thus lay out the course for any possible future. Again, will comes into play, since it drives our choices - and lack thereoff will turn anyone in a passive reaction - a dull husk of the powerful creator that any human on this earth can become.

This is how it all ends, and thus starts.
Walking the Planes, means choosing your own path and transforming your selves into something new. It means growing, developing, doing.
It means expanding the perceptive apparatus and gaining the ability to understand your selves and others better.
It means going on a freaky journey through the universe that dwells within.
It means liberation from the all shit they filled your head with.
It means digging whatever reality tunnel you want.
It means freedom.
What to do with it? Well, each has to figure that one out on their own.

edit: for ease of use
chapter I
chapter II

Apple Talk / I got tired... (draft)
« on: October 23, 2009, 04:31:07 pm »
I got tired...

tired of not being who I want to be just to avoid problems,
tired of other people pushing me around cause I want to keep things peaceful,
tired of being called a pussy for letting other people push me around so things can stay peaceful,
tired of not getting what I want cause I shouldn't open my mouth and speak freely,
tired of holding myself back,
tired of doing the right thing, just to get the shaft in the end,
tired of wasting my time with living in a world that I don't care for anymore,
tired of not being able to be who I want to be,
tired of paying for things I don't really need,
tired of paying to get rid of things I didn't really need in the first place,
tired of hearing and seeing the same bullshit on the glowing box,
tired of living in the city of same,
tired of sleeping my life away.

Most of all, I got tired of being tired.
So I woke up.
And it was the best fucking morning of life.

How about you - are you tired too?

Apple Talk / a heart in pieces
« on: October 12, 2009, 09:17:19 pm »
grinning madly I peek in from the psilo-world, leaving my final words to this world I learnt to love endlessly,
and to the one woman,

I will not let you break my heart again.
Instead I will break it.

I will be thorough, I promise.

Apple Talk / ATTN: 'spider' and 'city' contributors...
« on: October 09, 2009, 10:59:33 am »
I have been given the chance to perform on the stage of a local cabaret next week.
Since it's supposed to be short stuff in between the music I wanted to present the spider and the city project to the audience. There won't be any money involved, the only benefit would be to make the words heard by an audience and leave a reference to and who wrote what.

If you are willing to give me permission to read your texts post in here.


Apple Talk / a note to my favourite board of spiritual advisors
« on: October 07, 2009, 11:07:42 pm »
My 26th birthday starts with the moment I post this.
Coincidentally it's another chapter of my life coming to a close & a new one to begin. In a few days I will leave this apartment as well.
As I depart into the next world, let me report some of my findings and expose my own ignorance for the sake of learning some more from you spags. =)
Despite my best efforts this wall of text turned into a mush of different thoughts, please bear with me while I recap a fraction of what is up my mind...

This year, I finally found my self. And I found my home.
It's inside me. That one place, somewhat detached from the usual limits of time and space. The shit can reach up to the door, but can't ever come in. It's where I just am. Where I keep my love, my hate, my cheerfulness, my everything and nothing.
At times I just program myself onto a different plane of existence. Where things are weird and exciting. Where there's real fun, real love, it's the container I build for my self. To just be. It's working great already and there is still potential for improvement. Nature, true people, love.
Back when I left the big prison I ended up creating my own. So I left that and built this flexible thing for my mind instead which I can shape into whatever I want. Sometimes it still slips my grip, sometime I just let it slide for the sake of it. If I had better words for this I'd use them.

When I move out here I will leave behind the clutter I accumulated in the past years, all these things I called my own. It's just pieces of shit really. No more big fancy computer, no more furniture, no more bags of clothes, no more boxes of junk that noone really needs. This friday, lots of it will burn - with me standing next to the fire, grinning like the madman I am at times.

So I look at the world around me and I see that this country turned out to be just like the old one. The same filth, the same mind-numbing bullshit flickering in your face everywhere, the same types of monkeys babbling about the same meaningless things, sure it sounds a bit different but it's essentially the same. The same commercials, the same whores, the same grind, the same corruption, the same the same the same the same the same.
This whole thing stinks to the heavens if you ask me - and when I read your tales, I see the similarities in our worlds. See that it's the same the same the same the same the same everywhere.

I want to ask the board, how do you stand knowing the truth about this fucked up world?
How do you endure feeling the perverted nature of this artificial world we live in?

The insights and tools I found, which allow me to live the life I live, to be the person I am - this forum has certainly been a major influence and I want to express my heartfelt thanks. I could name a few people in no particular order, but I would forget some in the process so I just thank you all instead.

With love and cheerfulness. From one world to the next.

Or kill me.

Or Kill Me / The Joys Of Planeswalking - Chapter II
« on: August 25, 2009, 07:30:53 am »
The Joys Of Planeswalking – An Unpractical Handbook For The Mentally Ill
Chapter 2 – The Third Side Of The Coin

planeswalking [pla:ns'walking],  v , the conscious modulation of reality tunnels and the mental framework after cleansing the mind of the unnecessities of modern living.

“Your mind is fucked enough. So is the world. Let's rejoice and dance on the Shitwave while we still can. Either that or just be away for a while.” ~The Big Book of Doom, TGRS


Many a times the right attitude towards your Self and therefor your perceptive framework / framework of perceptions will make a crucial difference in not only how life “feels” but also in what you “get” from the multiverse. (refer to “The Good Life” by TGRS)

To explain this I would like to use this coin here.

In a way our (subjective) perception could be broken down in a simple way: the two sides of a medal or coin - anything flat and spherical will do here. Shiny is nice but not mandatory. So let's toss it and see.

1st - the obvious / immediate side
Mostly dominated by your primary filters, in many clearly ego-driven and delusional. Based on our mental framework a bunch of identifiers will be immediately attached. To simplify things we shall just use the value (+/-) here since most people tend to see things as either good or bad (for themselves).
In a simple toss for perception this would be the side which is on top.

2nd - “the other side of the medal”
A good number of people are able to see behind their first perception and can consider an anti-perspective that is opposite to their immediate. For this model we will use the value (-/+)
In a simple toss for perception this would be the side which is on the bottom. In order to see it we'd either have to pick up the coin and take a look, or can simple assume what it is based on our previous knowledge of which sides exist. Picking it up and looking might be more trouble but will get a more profound result since we can't know if the other side has changed since last we saw it fly through the air. Which is to be considered.

I'm leaving out “the subjective collective” since opening that can will just blow this entire experiment out of proportion.

The 3rd Side of the Coin - The Edge
Please note that the edge of the coin is definitely counting as a side as well, yet many are unaware of this. Chances that the untrained will have it as a result of a toss are slim. As value here we can easily use (?/?) and I shall explain why:
Since the perfect circle is the basis for our perfect coin of perceptions we can safely assume that we have a polygon with infinite sides which brings us to the point that there are an infinite possible sides showing upwards which again leads to an infinite number of possible perceptions of a single occurrence.
The trained will become more and more aware of these sides and can soon pick any number of points from the edge to supplement his/her perceptive bouquet. This will supply with a multitude of possible perceptions at any given time.
In the beginning it is advised to use free will to achieve a number of desired effects that are uncommon the mental framework and with continued effort the meaninglessness of our rating system becomes self-evident. Often this will lead to a calmer, more understanding attitude towards the multiverse, the Self and it's inhabitants.

Furthermore, the 1st and 2nd side become more and more interchangeable due to the insight into the relativity of our own perceptions: this brings up the possibility to decide what is heads & tails and ultimately allow to change the contents of the sides before, during and even after the “toss”.
Thus the possibility to always end up in a positive, constructive trip. At any time.
Which is to be considered.

Ultimately one should know one thing though: there is no fucking coin.

What remains however, is to adjust the mental framework in a way which allows the alignment with the Universal Pulse to start The Good Life;
Good & Bad are delusional symbols.
Everything is everything. And nothing.
We are everything. And nothing.
Don't just feel free – be free. Be now. Be your true Self.

Written in the spirit of The Good Reverend Sebastian,
wandering priest and reincarnated sexgod.

Disclaimer: Excessive planeswalking might result in enjoying life a little more. Uncommon side-effects are the wearing of fancy white jackets with extra long sleeves.

“Strange loops in my headspace, always moving but never leaving the place. A multiverse of perception, infinite layers of conception. Spheres between spheres, so much to choose from. And indecision rolling through me like waves. Strife and sorrow, peace and joy, alles alt, alles neu. Die Welt an der ich mich erfreu; doch Gedankenranken ranken ohne Scheu wie Efeugebräu. Order and Disorder melting into Chaos, and the only rhyme I can find is Laos.”
~excerpt from the ramblings of my first apprentice just before he ended up switching universes. Haven't seen him since.

Or Kill Me / The Joys of Walking Planes #1: How To Find The Door
« on: April 10, 2009, 10:59:19 am »
WIP - Roughly thrown together from weird notes of the past months | research is ongoing, feel free to ask / comment / tear apart at will... and if this is too shitty just move it to Apple Talk. ;)

As peedeenoob I will always be a little behind in direct comparison, trying to catch up on literature, reprogramming skills, inside jokes, whatever. But it's fine, I get a constant amount of good input out of this place, which is why I stick around and lurk my ass off.

So yeah, this isn't really a rant, more like an attempt to outline certain phenomena I encountered and maybe I get to shape it up into a proper manual. Or maybe it's just more clutter - either way, I enjoyed writing it. More chapters (total of 3 is planned) to come whenever I find the time to sort through all those notes. Revisions of previous chapters are likely.


Firstly, be aware that there might be snakes on your planes!

No wait, first be aware that you are (on) your planes.

All of your Selfs are confined within the headspace, a mental framework to make sense out of all the signals. It might take consistent effort to learn how to identify them as separate systems within the framework, especially since they love to tangle up like a horde exceptionally horny tentacle monsters with no saucy young ladies around. Look for all the roles you play during the day, seamlessly blending from one to the next, or instantly switching back and forth (those cuts are easier to observe).
Okay, got at least a few? Throw them away! DO IT!
Don't worry, they'll come crawling back in there before you know it.

Where were we? Oh yea, clearing the headspace from all the clutter. During your mental awakening a couple years ago you might have noticed how much foreign bullshit has been woven into your framework.
Or not - and if so, BAD MONKEY why are you reading this subversive shit? It might change you.

Good news, it was  y o u  who constructed the shittower so the only person capable of getting rid of it is  y o u. The time needed for this entire process varies. If you never fully deconstructed yourself before you might want pack some patience. The more you play with this the easier it gets to shut down or modify entire systems for a predetermined amount of time.

Feel that urge to call all of this a load of bullox?
DON'T PANIC! That's just your Self trying to hold on to some arbitrary system of identity and patterns. It's a defense mechanism and should be studied continously. It shows up in so many patterns it's not even funny anymore - who am I kidding, once you start planeswalking it gets even more funny.  Sharpen your awareness and control your headspace until you can just disconnect at whim, and ultimately find The Door.

I can't tell you exactly where or even what The Door is, you will have to find it on/in your own. Those of you that have experience in altering reality will probably be quicker. It might move around, and it might not open when you want to. But just keep at it, humans are great at adaption.

Once you free yourself from yourself and accept the world as it is.
Let go.

Don't think about it.

Just. Let. Go.

When you finally stepped through The Door there is only the joy of being. You have arrived at the universal playground.

You can either stay here to enjoy the harmony and tranquility.

Or you start walking the planes,
and have some fun with this world of ours!
Infinite amounts of realities, endless possibilities.  You will be free.

warning: excessive planeswalking might result in being perceived as crazy bastard
written in the morning of Summit Orange, Discord 27, Year of Our Lady of Discord 3175

Aneristic Illusions / Israeli ground forces to enter Gaza
« on: January 03, 2009, 08:33:14 pm »
So far it's only a small contingent (BBC speaks of 12-15 vehicles with helicopter support), so I guess the real party won't start until they get more juice lined up.

But seriously, with both sides determined to take this one all the way I'm wondering how long this will last.
2009, let's get dirty already!

Quote from: IDF
“This is the second stage of our operation against Hamas infrastructure,” said an Israeli defence spokeswoman on television. “It is to control the launch sites responsible for launching thousands of rockets at civilians in Israel.
“We will stay as long as we need to stay to achieve our goals.

Quote from: Khaled Meshaal (political leader of Hamas)
"If you commit the stupidity of launching a ground offensive, then a black destiny awaits you," (friday)

"You will soon find out that Gaza is the wrath of God."
"This battle was imposed on us and we are confident we will achieve victory because we have made our preparations.

"Our position is clear. We will not give in. Our resolve cannot be broken"

Bring and Brag / painting with words / poetryspags running loose
« on: December 26, 2008, 08:00:11 pm »
Every day, I do my horrid bit...
In a matter which they deem fit,
and put on that smile,
at least for a while.

Every day, I throw those pies...
And tell myself the sweetest lies,
how everything, is oh so fine,
how tomorrow, the sun will shine.

Every day, I wear that mask...
Bend over and just do what they ask,
but deep inside I can clearly see,
that I was meant to be free.

Every night, I talk to my bottled friend...
So I can briefly, find an end,
to the grinding madness which dwells,
within the thunderous morning bells.

Every night, I just pour it down my throat...
Until late at night, I soundly float
above my sunken dreams,
which hang from the sky on silver beams.

Every night, I fall asleep...
just before I can make that final leap,
Then it seems, all was in vain,
for I wake up, into my nightmare again.

Or Kill Me / good boy, happy boy
« on: September 03, 2008, 09:34:12 pm »
Have you been consuming today? Good boy!

No need to wake up, this dream is made just for you.
Are you comfortable? Good...
We can make it even better: Why bother being yourself when you can buy the perfect individuality. Fit in today, be an approved little sod tomorrow! Yeah, we know that life is hard: Getting up every morning, working, buying food, paying rent, impressing other people. So much to do every day, so much to worry about. But we can help, and it's really easy to be happy.

Don't you want to be happy? Of course you do! And you deserve it too.

Just give in, it's not hard... let go for your own sake! Don't resist, we're here to help.
Don't your parents want you to be happy?
Don't you want to make your parents happy by showing them how happy you are with the life you received?

Just let go and let us fluff your pillow.

You don't need to stress your brain with thinking beyond the horizon. We know what is good for you, we will guide you forever and ever.
All you need and ever will need is right here, waiting just for you. We will take care of you.

Give in and consume. Produce and consume. Erase the individual thought, the individual desire. Erase your suffering and be a part of us.
The train is leaving, don't you want to come with us to paradise? Just leave your brain there at the entrance, you won't need it anymore.

Everything will be okay. It's all prepared, you just have to hop on.

Jesus would do it.

GASM Command / switchGASM
« on: July 01, 2008, 01:46:23 am »
So, I never really called out for other people to help out on the whacky little projects I come up with to keep my brain inside the skull. But this one might be something for you;

At some point it came to my attention that a lot of people get a bit irritated if objects they encounter on a regular basis get moved around and show up in unusual spots. These can be small but it gets much more fun with bigger things.

To give a few examples:

There was this fruit stand every summer in my hometown that was shaped like a giant strawberry: several nights it just "magically" moved from the shopping street to the middle of a crossing on main street.

Potted plants are also interesting to put in front of entrances, doors or inside elevators - obscuring the usual walking paths of busy people.

Mixing toilet brushes into the vegetable and fruit display at your local supermarket (please take the fresh ones from the household section, don't bring your own!) / leave potatoes in the magazine display!


Next time you see something that can be moved, think of a more confusing place to put it - then just move it around while nobody is looking!

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